La Dolce Vita
by Miss Baby
Summary: When a new opportunity forces Bella to leave her safe bubble and venture into the unknown, she soon finds out that to get on the road to happiness, you sometimes have to take a leap of Faith. AU, AH, Canon Pairings.
1. The Big Apple

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**This story wouldn't be what it is without my wonderful beta, **_**The Real Teacher**_**, holding my hand and correcting my many errors. Thank you so much!**_

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**Chapter 1 – The Big Apple**

_**Or how I bit off more than I could chew.**_

The first thing I noticed that morning as I stumbled into the kitchen was a bright pink post-it note stuck to the polished black fridge.

_Lucien's at seven. _

_No excuses. _

I chuckled. _At least Rose and Alice were nothing if not predictable. _

I'd already suspected a summons from the two of them would come as soon as I resurfaced after my weeklong trip. After all, family road trips usually made for great entertainment and, well, if that family happened to be the Swan family…let's just say that kicked the whole entertainment factor up a notch or two.

I yawned, reaching blindly for the coffee maker, pressed the 'on' button and headed back into my room to grudgingly complete my morning ritual.

Six-thirty AM could kiss my ass.

Seriously? Who ever came up with the whole notion of having to start your workday so ridiculously early? Was it some kind of particularly masochistic son of a bitch who got his kicks by torturing him or herself and others by wanting to get up so damn early? Had it been a sadistic rich bastard who got off on seeing his staff trudge into the office half asleep every morning? Or was it simply one of those horrible, horrible mutations of mankind who called themselves 'morning people'.

Ugh! I hated those, even though I seemed to attract them like flies to a fresh pile of dung. _Which happened to be exactly how I was feeling right now. _

_Like crap._

Growing up with my mom – who happened to be one of those annoying people who could be all peppy, cheerful and ready to go no matter how early they were forced out of their beds – hadn't been so bad (apart from a few incidents) since the fact that she was outnumbered three to one in our house had basically neutralized any attempts she'd made at being cheerful and peppy in the mornings.

Alice, however, was a whole different ballgame.

Which was why it was a godsend that Alice – my roommate and colleague – had to be at the magazine at eight AM – most of the times even before that – while I was a regular nine-to-five kind of girl.

I made my way through a quick shower and spruce-up on auto-pilot, still feeling the effects of an eleven hour flight followed by four hours of sleep as I tried to pry my eyes open long enough to squeeze my contact lenses in between my lids and apply a quick coat of mascara. I sighed, brushing some lip-gloss onto my lips as I shot a sideways glance at the messy pile of pillows and sheets on my bed.

It had never looked so tempting before.

Still, after a week of lounging on the beach with a book in my hands and a parasol protecting me from the Hawaiian sun while sipping on a cocktail, going back to work was oddly refreshing and…normal. Besides, waking up after four hours of sleep wasn't that bad compared to waking up at seven to the sounds of Emily, my newly pregnant sister in law, puking her guts out in the bathroom next to my room or those of my mom and dad bickering over the fact that dad had spent yet another morning fishing while he should have been 'engaging in family activities' with the rest of us.

Dad had never been that much of a team player, which might explain why they'd made him the chief of police. At least that way he could give orders instead of having to follow them – which, by the way, was another thing my dad didn't particularly enjoy.

He must have been good at what he did though, considering the fact that he'd been chief for the better part of two decades, making him a sort of permanent fixture in town. Kinda like the _Timber Museum_ or _The Lodge_. They'd been there as long as anyone could remember and long enough for no one to question their right to be there.

By the time I was finished in the bedroom, my coffee was brewed to its black, slightly-stronger-than-usual perfection, a small groan escaped my lips as its powerful aroma rose up while I poured it into my travel mug.

_Dear coffee, oh how I love thee. Especially in the morning. _

Fifteen minutes later and I pushed myself into an already overcrowded subway trail, trying to ignore the glares and groans of the people around me as I squeezed myself in, barely managing to grab hold of something I could faintly make out was a handlebar and not some random protruding appendage (I found out the hard way that a girl should always – and I do mean always – look before she grabs) before the carriage shot into motion, a wave of swaying bodies almost sending me crashing to the floor.

As everyone inside the carriage continued to get jostled around as the train crashed through the darkness of the New York subway system, my eyes fell on a small girl, sitting on her mother's lap; her eyes wide in wonder and her arms clutching a huge, well worn teddy bear to her tiny frame as if she was terrified some punk would try to steal it from her.

She reminded me of me, three years ago, when I first arrived in the city.

Well, minus the teddy bear that was.

Moving to New York had been the single most daring step I'd ever taken in my life but it had also been the best decision I'd ever made. I had been at the lowest point in my life, having just lost everything I ever wanted and not knowing what the hell to do with myself or my future but to get as far away from Forks as possible – and Mike, my miserable, cheating ass of an ex-husband as I could ever get.

When my cousin Alice had first suggested moving to New York when I'd called her – snot sobbing as I told her about the horrible fail train my life had turned into – I'd thought she was joking. Me, miss-goody-two-shoes-never-did-a-wrong-thing-in-her-life-because-she-was-too-scared-to-be-a-badass, Bella Swan moved to the big scary metropolis? Never!

However, two disastrous run-ins with the Newton clan later and I was on a plane headed to aforementioned scary metropolis after Alice had somehow managed to get me an interview with Jane Livingston, editor in chief of Epicenter; a magazine I only knew from the glossy covers that shone up at me from the newsstand.

The look on my dad's face when, two days later, I came back to announce I'd not only gotten the job but would be moving to New York, would have been priceless if the throbbing vein in his forehead didn't have me worried he'd die of an aneurysm before I'd ever finished telling him how great an opportunity this had been.

His answer was something along the lines of 'Over my dead body will my baby girl move to that disgusting Walhalla of drug lords, serial rapists and knife wielding gang thugs.' Which, also, would have been funny if part of me wasn't shit scared that he may have been right.

It had taken another call from my cousin – who happened to be the kind of girl who could charm a cow into buying our milk if she put her mind to it – to explain that though she'd been living in New York for eleven years now, she'd yet to encounter any drug lords, serial rapists or knife wielding gang thugs and that she would be taking excellent care of me because I would be moving in with her.

At least that got the throbbing vein to retreat back into my dad's skull, though I don't think he ever got over the fact that his little girl was living in a town that, as far as he was concerned, was Sodom and Gomorra all stuffed into one big dangerous hotbed of crime and vice. At least, not if the steady stream of mace cans and state-of-the-art deadbolts he kept sending me were something to go by.

Still, even in spite of all my dad's warning I'd fallen in love with the city almost the minute I first set foot on its soil; the versatility and constant buzz of activity created a constant tension; a hum that crawled under my skin and opened up my senses in a way I'd never experienced in Forks or even in Seattle, while the vastness of the town provided me with the anonymity I craved after being subjected to the small town gossip circuit for most of my life.

The city was everything I wanted, right when I needed it most.

As was my job.

When I first started out as a junior editor at a glossy magazine, I could never have imagined I would grow to love my job as much as I did right now. As grateful as I'd been to both Alice and Jane for taking a chance on a girl who's only experience in editing was a part-time job at a local newspaper, I'd seen my job as a temporary thing; a position that would do me fine for the time being while I kept my ear to the ground in search of something that was more….._me_.

As the weeks went on, though, and I started to get more accustomed to working in a large office where office talk evolved mainly about clothes, culture and celebrities instead of 'hard news', I was quite shocked to realize how much I enjoyed myself there.

In fact, I was having more fun at work that I ever had.

_Epicenter_, though glossy in every aspect of the word, didn't cater to the same niche as say _Vogue_, _Elle_ or other high-end glossies did. It focused more on young, hardworking professional women who had some money to spend but didn't want to spend all of said money on clothes that were ridiculously expensive no matter how pretty they were. Sure, clothes still took up a sizeable portion of our magazine but the prize tags were a lot more realistic to the average budget and next to fashion spreads we also had interviews with the people that dominated the news, photo reports contributed by up and coming art photographers and articles that actually carried some substance instead of focusing on the latest hot new teen star.

I looked up, breathing in the fresh – or at least in comparison to the staleness of the subway – air as I emerged from the subway at the corner of 42nd and Times, my legs automatically carrying me down the streets towards the high-rise office building on 6th Avenue.

Work.

The sheer business of the town, even at eight-thirty on a Monday morning, never ceased to amaze me even after years of submerging myself in it. Sure, Forks had rush hours in the morning but over there it usually meant that there would be five cars lined up in front of the traffic light instead of you being the only one. Over here….it seemed like the whole city was on their feet, rushing towards work or other engagements that had them pushing people out of the way or cussing up a storm as if their lives depended on getting where they needed to be on time.

Which, given the current economic climate, might not have been that far from the truth.

Nothing much seemed to have changed at the 22nd floor, the one completely occupied by _Epicenter_. Lauren was still sitting behind the desk with a look on her face as if she'd just been forced to gnaw down a lemon, her hands busy filing her nails into ten perfect little murder weapons while she spoke disinterestedly to someone on the phone, one of her brows rising up in greeting as she spotted me coming out of the elevator.

"Bella!" Riley squealed as I walked into the huge open plan office space occupied by most of the editorial staff. "Look at you, girl! I do believe that's a slight hint of a tan I spot on you!"

I rolled my eyes, how was it possible for a single person to be quite so….over the top? "How are things around here? Did Charlotte and Kate manage to hold down the fort while I was away?"

"They did just fine," Riley grinned. "In fact, they did so fine that we barely even noticed you were gone….well, apart from the fact that the atmosphere seemed to have been a whole lot calmer now that our resident raging control freak wasn't chasing after us with her 'to do lists'."

"Fuck you!" I growled, flipping him the bird as I booted up my computer.

"Sorry darling, you're not my type," Riley snickered before turning serious, his tall frame leaning against the side of my cubicle as he studied me. "So how was Hawaii?"

He grinned at the smile that appeared on my lips, even before I could say anything. "It was amazing."

And it really was because even in spite of my parents' bickering and my sister in law's puking, the island had been beyond belief, its bright colors and clear waters almost painful on the eyes at first and the people incredibly friendly even though they had to deal with hordes of annoying tourists all the time.

Besides….when did mom and dad not nag at each other about the small things in life? It was kind of their way of showing how much they loved and cared about each other. And Emily….she was having a baby! I was going to be an aunt! That news alone made the trip amazing and well worth while the nausea of hearing someone puke their guts out a few feet away from you every morning.

Riley listened with rapt attention as I gave him a detailed account of everything I'd seen and done, from the snorkeling and being tickled by exotically colored fish to my first and last attempt at surfing and my chagrin when both my dad and my brother Sam managed to shoot across the water perfectly at the end of the day while I couldn't even stand up straight without face planting in the water.

"So where are Alice and Rose?" I asked as I finished my account of my trip. "Is Alice out on a shoot?"

My cousin had come very far in the eight years she'd worked at the magazine, climbing up from a simple accessory stylist to assistant art director in record time. Then again, she was amazing at what she did. Her sense of style had always been impeccable, even when she was still young, and that combined with an almost inhuman prediction of fashion trends had made her virtually indispensable around this place.

Riley nodded. "She's at a shoot in Central Park all day…something about the modern Garden of Eden or other sales crap to get women to buy clothes they don't need."

"Hey!" I snorted. "It's because of her tempting people into buying crap they don't need that you and I can pay our rent, so please don't bite the hand that feeds you!"

He rolled his eyes. "Rose is out with Jane. I think they went to preview the fall collection of that new designer…..you know? Garrett Young?"

"Ah!" I smiled. Alice had been nagging about the guy for ages. Apparently he was going to be the next big thing in fashion which wouldn't be surprising seeing as he was young, good-looking and straight, three things you didn't often find in a fashion designer. "I hope someone gave him a courtesy call before they sprung Rose on the poor guy."

Riley chuckled. "And ruin all the fun?"

I laughed along with him, my eyes widening at my computer screen as I opened my mail inbox to find a shitton of unread messages. "Fuck, Riley, I have to get to work if I want to answer all this stuff."

"I won't keep you," he grinned, using his heels as leverage to push himself away from the wall. "It's good to have you back."

I smiled, watching as he walked around the wall to the adjacent cubicle, his office chair squeaking as he flung his long limbs into it. "It's good to be back."

"Isabella Swan." We both jumped as the sound of Jane's voice drifted through the open-plan-office. "My office. _Now_."

Riley shot me a worried look. "What did you do, Swanny?"

I shrugged, feeling a little panic. "I honestly don't know." Unlike a great many others in this room, being summoned into the dragon lady's office wasn't something that happened to me a lot. It was one of the perks of being a completely neurotic and out-of-control control freak that I rarely ever messed up when it came to my job.

Uncertainties scared me which was why I _always_ made sure.

What had me even more puzzled was the fact that, since I'd walked into the office three hours ago, I hadn't really done anything worthy of receiving an executive bitch-slap.

"Well, go on!" Riley pushed me, looking a little worried as I made my way down to the executive suite.

As I hovered outside the outer office, quickly running a hand through my hair and checking to see if my clothes were all in place, I mentally cursed myself for not paying better attention. Riley had told me Jane and Rose would be out and I – being the idiot that I was – had naturally assumed that that meant they would be out for quite some time….

I should have known better, though.

Rose had just put the receiver down as I walked in. "So you're back in one piece!" It was a close to a 'welcome back, I've missed you' as you were going to get from Rose.

When I'd first started working here, I'd been borderline scared of the imposing beauty and snark of Jane Livingston's personal assistant. No matter what Alice said about her being as harmless as a newborn Golden Retriever puppy, Rose could be pretty damn scary when she wanted to which, I'd come to realize, was exactly why Jane had hired her.

Over the years I'd come to know her better though. Her behavior, though still bordering (or crossing) the fine lines between assertive and insulting was merely a front she'd put up to escape the common prejudice attached to beautiful blond girls who had money in the bank. She's simply been through too much shit because of her looks to remain friendly and open to just anyone.

As a friend, however, she was completely loyal and fiercely protective if not brutally honest and frighteningly commanding if she thought the occasion called for it.

"Do you know..." I mouthed at Rose, nudging my head in the direction of the inner office.

"Not a clue." Rose shook her head, her fingers stalling over her keyboard for a moment as she urged me on. "Go on! You know better than to keep her waiting."

I swallowed hard, taking a few deep breaths and pulling my shoulders back as I walked into my boss' office, determined not to show my fear. After all, walking in there was like charging into a lion's den: one sudden movement or show of weakness and you knew you would be eaten alive.

"Ah, Bella," Jane's smile caused my levels of discomfort to rise to almost painful levels. "Take a seat."

I obediently trudged to the seat she pointed out to me, silently reminding myself that Jane, though scary, was no Anna Wintour who ate interns for breakfast, editors for lunch and executives for dinner. That being said, she, like her more famous colleague, was a fixed mark in New York's fashion world and could make or break someone's career with a quick snap of her fingers, her fame rising to such extents that only her first name sufficed when speaking of her.

"You wanted to speak to me?" my voice was awfully shaky as it pieced the silence.

"Over the last three years I've come to know you as a dedicated member of my staff," she started, pressing the tips of her fingers together so that her hands formed a triangle in front of her chest as she stared at me, her cold, blue eyes revealing nothing about what was going on behind them, "as well as one of the best editors we have on staff."

I frowned, her compliments coming completely out of the left field. _What the hell was going on? Was this some kind of reverse-psychology thing?_

When she kept on staring at me I realized she was waiting for me to say something. "Uhm….thanks?" I offered, a small nod telling me I'd probably said the right thing.

"However, I think there's more to you than what you've shown us," she went on, her words confusing me more with every single one she uttered, "which is why I want to offer you another job…..one that will allow you – and us – to make full use of your talents."

"O-okay?" I stuttered, confusion now giving way to complete, blind panic.

Jane chuckled. "Don't you want to know what that offer is?"

"Errrr….Yes?" I squeaked, cursing my sudden inability to speak more than two words together in a sentence.

"Upstairs," she nudged her head upwards to indicate she was talking about the Volturi Publishing Group bigwigs, the ones who own this magazine and a whole lot more, "wants us to add a regular travel section to the magazine. According to them it would add to the 'versatility of this publication'."

She snorted, her lips pursing together to make clear what she thought of their interference in the way _her_ magazine was run. "I'm willing to give it a go as long as the new travel section fits in with the rest of the magazine. Which is where you come in."

My brows furrowed in confusion. "But….I'm not….."

"I overheard you talking to Riley earlier when the two of you were discussing your trip to Hawaii." She sat back, her eyes shining with…._something_ as she studied me. "I think you'll be perfect for the job."

If my life had been published in cartoon shape, this would be the moment where a huge hole in the floor would swallow me whole or where my body would explode in a fit of panic. "W-what?" I stammered, thinking I must have misheard. "But I'm no good at that! I've never even travelled further than Hawaii!"

"Which is exactly why I want you to do this!" Jane insisted. "You have a fresh, unjaded view of the world, just like much of our readers will have. Besides, I know you can write…I've seen some of the pieces you've contributed. You'll be perfect."

"I…" I opened and closed my mouth a few times without words coming out. "I don't know…."

Jane scowled, obviously having expected more enthusiasm. "Think about it, Bella. I expect your answer first thing tomorrow morning."

And with that and a nudge towards the door I was dismissed.

**oOo**

"Bella!" I shocked out of my trance by the snap of a pair of fingers, to see Alice and Rose looking at me with bemused smiles.

"Our waiter wants to know if you want any more wine," Alice clarified.

"She'll have more wine," Rose answered before I could say something, turning to me when I scrapped my throat in annoyance. "Believe me, honey, you _need_ more wine."

I rolled my eyes, moving a few leftover bits of lettuce form my appetizer around on my plate.

"What I don't understand," Alice mused as our waitress was out of earshot, "is why Jane wants to spend all this money on a new recurring item when she's always nagging at us to keep the cost down."

She shot me an apologetic glance before she went on. "I mean, not that I'm not ecstatic for you, Bella, but sending you on road trips around the world seems kind of….outrageously expensive if you'd ask me."

I nodded. "Yeah, I've been wondering about that myself."

"I think I can explain," Rose said, both of us turning at her as she went on. "I read something about this kind of stuff a while back. It turns out that many of the major cities and other popular – or not so popular but wanting to become popular – tourist haunts actually have a budget for self promotion. They can spend that whichever way they like….running ads on major television stations and in magazines and stuff….but those always look kinda forced."

I nodded. "You mean the ones with all those people who look so happy you're starting to wonder what kind of drugs they're on?"

"Exactly," Rose grinned. "Flying in a bunch of journalist to take a look for themselves and write about it will put out a much more realistic view…at least, that's what they're hoping for."

"But what if Bella completely hates one of the towns she visits?" Alice frowned. "Wouldn't that create a problem for them and the magazine?"

Rose shrugged. "I guess they are just going to have to make sure Bella enjoys herself while she's in town. Or Bella is going to have to connect with her inner diplomat."

"Bella isn't even sure if she _wants_ to be entertained by foreign cities," I squeaked, all the talk about problems and being dragged out of the safety of my office and into the great unknown shooting me right back into panic mode. "In fact…..Bella is thinking her boring little desk job has never looked quite so good as it has right now."

"Jeez, Bella!" Rose huffed. "Will you please take a moment and fucking listen to yourself? You just get offered the opportunity of a lifetime and all you can think about is how this disrupts your perfect little organized life?"

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head in disbelief. "I know you're a control freak and all that but don't you think this is taking things a bit too far?"

I sighed, knowing she was right. "I just don't know, Rose." I held up my hand to stop her before she could interrupt me. "I know Jane was right when she told me that this job would offer me the opportunity to do what I've always wanted to do but then again….I like what I'm doing right now. I'm just not sure if I want to risk all of the stuff I've worked for over the last three years on something I'm not even sure I can pull off!"

"But if you don't take a chance, you'll _never_ find out!" Rose fumed.

"I agree with Rose here, hun," Alice's softer voice chimed in. "I know it's scary to put yourself out there like that but we both think you can do it and so does Jane. Just…..give it a go….see what it's like. If by the end of the day you still feel it's not for you, you can always go back to your old job."

"I know," I tried to squeeze a non-existent piece of dirt from underneath my fingernails – anything not to look at my two best friends. – as I contemplated their words.

I knew I'd just have to get over myself and take the leap. This was too good an opportunity for me to pass up on. Still…

"If you don't take this offer you're going to spend the rest of your life wondering what might have happened if you did," Alice pressed on, her arm slipping around my shoulders. "You're going to regret it, Bella."

"I know." I nodded grudgingly. "It's just….I can't get over the 'what if's'."

The increased pressure of Alice's body against mine told me she understood, both of us smiling forcedly as she gave me a moment to let it all sink in.

"You need to get laid." Alice and I both looked up in utter shock at Rose's words.

"What?" I arched my brow, still wondering if I'd heard her right.

"Seriously," Rose shrugged. "You're wound tighter than a fucking spring. A good old fucking from a guy you'll forget the minute he skips out of your house the next day will be just the thing to help you unwind some of that tension and hopefully remove that stick that's been wedged up your ass."

"Thanks but no thanks," I smirked, the whole prospect of having one night stand being enough to send my heart into overdrive (and not in a good way). "Unlike you, I don't really see the appeal in having someone I know nothing about stick his dick inside of me. I mean…..I don't know where it's been before me or what kind of personal hygiene regimen it sticks to and….just…..yuck!"

Glancing sideways at Alice I could see that she was in perfect agreement with me, her head bobbing up and down like one of those bobblehead figures as I went on. "Besides…..if worst come to worst I always have my trusty rabbit to help me out."

Rose snorted. "Yeah right! Like it's the same as getting drilled to within an inch of your life by some hot piece of man meat!"

"Rose!" Alice hissed. "I think that's the last thing Bella needs right now. She needs focus, not distraction."

Rose rolled her eyes amusedly. "I should have known you two prudes would stick together on this one!"

"I'm not…." Alice started, looking a little less confident now that she was in the hot seat.

"You're not?" Rose challenged her, a wicked smile gracing her perfect features. "Then please tell me: when was the last time you saw some live action?"

"I get plenty of action,' Alice pouted, narrowing her eyes.

"Oh really?" Rose arched her brow, easily catching Alice on a blatant lie.

I guess that was what you got by being an open book. All three of us knew that the moment Alice would find a guy she liked well enough to let him into her pants, she'd tell us as soon as she'd regained her breath after.

Alice growled. "I'm a career driven single girl living in a fabulous town. I don't need a man to make me feel good!"

"Stop quoting the damn Pussycat Dolls if you know what's good for you," Rose snorted. "Oh, and before I forget: how's Jasper?"

Jasper Whitlock had been the object of Alice's never wavering affection ever since he'd first sauntered into the office, two years ago. The look on Alice face as he marched into the conference room, all laidback swagger and Southern gentleman, was priceless. I'd never seen her look quite so flustered and that was saying a lot since I'd been there the day my fashion minded cousin had held her first pair of Jimmy Choo's in her hands…

The thing about them was, though, that they were both far too shy around each other to take any kind of action. In the two years they'd known each other – and hovered around each other as if in orbit – they'd been on business trips to Paris, Milan and other romantic cities around the globe but even in spite of Alice's solemn vows that this time she was going to take some action, nothing ever happened. They just idolized each other too damn much to ever take the first step; worried that if they really did _this_, the bubble would burst and they would both end up disappointed and uncomfortable since both their jobs forced them into each other's company all the time.

It was quite fascinating – if not a little sad – to watch both of them – equal amounts of hope and frustration – as they mooned over each other around the conference table, unknowing of the fact that their coworkers had set up a pool on how long they'd hold out.

Alice paled, her mouth opening and closing a few times without any sound coming out before the paleness slowly turned into a hot-headed crimson. "You. Did not. Just. Say. _That_!" she hissed, her small hands balling into tiny fists on top of the table.

Rose wasn't impressed, though. "Did too," she taunted, licking her lips as she finally put her cutlery down. "So how was he?"

Alice huffed. "Great. Never better."

"Did you guys talk?"

"What did you think?" Alice hissed. "I was at the fucking park with him all day, overseeing a fashion shoot he was executing. It's not like it could have been avoided."

Rose rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"No," Alice sighed dejectedly. "The evil-stick-figure-who-shall-not-be-named was there."

Rose and I both smirked, knowing that the presence of the evil ex would put a damper on any subtle (or not so subtle) flirting Alice would have had planned for that day.

"I really don't understand why Jane keeps insisting on hiring her," Rose growled. "Sure, she has arms and legs and everything in the right place, but if you'd ask me, her ugly personality shines through in every picture."

Alice rolled her eyes, her hand graciously swirling the burgundy liquid in her glass before she put it to her lips and drowned her wine in one huge gulp. "It's not like you're going to get any argument from me on that!"

"Or me!" I chimed in. "Why'd she even want to work with Jasper after he broke it off? Does the bitch have some kind of masochistic streak we don't know off?"

"I wouldn't be surprised," Alice grumbled, "though I suspect she wants to try and win him back."

"So beat her to it," Rose snarled, the three of us united in our hate of Maria Salazar. "Show that bitch who's boss!"

"Amen!" Alice and I giggled as we both spoke at the same time, raising our glasses – mine full, hers empty - as we clinked our glasses, sealing the deal, the waitress bringing over our dessert – one crème brulée with three spoons – looked at us as if she wasn't quite sure whether to call the cops or chime in.

The appearance of our shared dessert was enough to shut the three of us up, looks being shared across the table as we all tapped our spoons impatiently, not wanting to be the first to dig in, before Rose finally had enough of it and – with an epic eye roll – cracked the caramel surface of the dessert, making all three of us moan as the sweet scent wafted up from the scorching ramequin bowl.

Dinner ended soon after that, the three of us walking out of the restaurant stuffed to the brim as we braved the cold February air. Alice and I said goodbye to Rose at the entrance to the subway, the two of us relegated to the horrors of public transport while Rose opted to take a cab uptown to her swanky Upper East Side flat.

_Spoiled little rich bitch!_

Still, I would go out on a limb and say that out of the three of us, Alice and I had the better entertainment on our way back home, the homeless guy trying to make music by clinging a penny against his teeth while all around him couples engaged in increasingly R-rated actions as others – including the two of us – stared at them in wonder, probably beating any kind of diversion a Manhattan cab driver could throw at you.

"You wanna go to bed?" Alice asked as we finally made it through our front door again.

I smirked, my head spinning way too fast for me to think that I would be able to get any kind of rest within the next hour or so. "Not really."

"Couch. Ten Minutes," Alice ordered, smiling satisfactory. "The first one to arrive makes the popcorn."

"Kay." I rolled my eyes, knowing that I would be the one to provide the sustenance.

Ten minutes later I was back in the living room, my work clothes exchanged for my pajamas and my hair up in a messy bun. "What do you wanna watch?" I asked, flipping through the channels as Alice scampered back into the room.

"Dunno," Alice shrugged. "Nothing too challenging, though, because I'm tired as hell. I think that vampire series is on….."

I snorted. "Which one?" Over the last couple of months vampires seemed to have taken over the cable networks, with new series sprouting up like mushrooms.

"You know," Alice's brows knitted together as she tried to come up with an explanation. "The one where they go at it like rabbits all the time."

"Yeah, like that narrows it down a lot!" I rolled my eyes, tossing her the remote control. "Seriously, should we be getting worried when evil creatures who are supposed to be death get more action than we do? I mean….we're young and not that unfortunate looking. Shouldn't we be out there….you know? Dating?"

Alice shrugged, obviously not seeing why that was such a big issue. "We're picky."

I sighed. _Easy for her to say._ She had Jasper and though neither of them seemed to be able to get out of the 'oh-I-wonder-if-he/she-feels-the-same-way-about-me stage and actually do something about the feelings they had for each other, at least she had something. _Which was more than could be said about me. _

As much as I hated the way things had ended between me and Mike, I had to admit that sometimes I missed the companionship you shared with your partner. It was just the simple things, like his arm wrapped around my shoulders as we walked home late at night after visiting some friend of family member; a single red rose to apologize for being late after a meeting or just because he happened to walk past the flower shop and remembered how much I loved roses; his arms wrapped around me at night, letting me know I would always be safe around him…

I huffed, the pleasant memories of my years with Mike soon supplanted by the bad. The reproaches, the constant comparison to his mother….his infidelity.

No, I was better off out here, single and living with my best friend. It may have lacked the warmth and safety of being in a relationship but at least this way I was in control of my own heart….my own heartbreak.

"You're awfully quiet," Alice remarked, shoving a handful of popcorn into her mouth while in front of us a bunch of vampires were fucking like it was the Apocalypse and they wanted to go out with a bang. _Literally_.

"I'm just tired, that's all," I shrugged. "In fact, I think I may call it a night."

"After the day you've had, that doesn't surprise me. You'll be missing out on a whole lot of hot monkey vampire sex, though," Alice smiled back at me. "Good night, Bella."

I reached towards her to ruffle her hair before kissing the top of her head. "Good night, you crazy little elf."

She growled, one of the couch pillows landing against the back of my head as I made my way to my bedroom. Alice always hated being called an elf, or just about every other nickname that had something to do with her small size.

Which was exactly why Rose and I loved to grab every occasion we could find to tease her with it.

"Oh and Bella?"

I turned around. "Yeah?"

"Take the damn job."

I chuckled, shaking my head as I crossed the threshold to my own little sanctuary, closing the door behind me.

She was right, though.

As I looked around the familiar L-shaped room, one side filled with books and a worn, old-fashioned lounge chair and a side table that held my laptop and some work stuff, the other by my bed, I realized that as comfortable and safe as I felt here, I would always regret it if I didn't take Jane up on her offer.

Three years after I'd done what no-one could ever have imagined I would do: leave the safety of my home town for the uncertainty of a new life in a bustling metropolis; it was time to take another plunge into the deep.

Yes.

Starting tomorrow, I, Bella Swan, was going to become a travel journalist.

_God help me. _

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_**Like it? **_

_**This story couldn't have been more different from Absolution. There will be a lot less drama (can I get a hallelujah for that?) thought there will be some. First and foremost, however, this will be a love story.**_

_**Impatient to meet Edward? You will get your fix of Bohemian-photographer-ward (I'm going to have to come up with a shorter name for him) in the next chapter, though reviewers will get a sneak peek at him before that. **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	2. The Eternal City

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**This story wouldn't be what it is without my wonderful beta, **_**The Real Teacher**_**, holding my hand and correcting my many errors. Thank you so much!**_

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_**You can find pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter on my blog. The link is on my profile page. **_

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**Chapter 2 – The Eternal City**

_**Or how I found out there was nothing romantic about being a tour guide.**_

He was late.

I should have known. Before I traveled out here I'd heard a million and one stories about how the Italians – amazing people though they may be – had a very relaxed attitude when it came to punctuality and other stuff us professionals crave.

But did I listen? _Noooooo_.

I bit my nails – or what was left of them – as I tapped my simple ballet flats against the uneven pavement.

What to do?

Wait out here like some silly little girl who was about to be stood up on her first date?

Go back inside, order another espresso and act all cool?

Go home and call this whole travel journalism thing a day?

Call mom and have a good cry?

Call one of my friends and have a good grump fest?

Too many options.

They were making my head spin.

Just the thing I needed.

I let out a small growl. "Just figures," I hissed as I shook my head. Finally I got my big break at the magazine but instead of being able to enjoy it, I found myself running from one disaster into the next.

I was beginning to see a theme here.

As if torrential downpours, malfunctioning airplanes, missed connections and nine hour delays hadn't been enough, Angela Tessuto, the contact the magazine had set me up with had called me late yesterday afternoon to announce that, due to a broken leg she'd had to call in a replacement.

Determined not to let that get to me and still reeling from the epic failure that had been my flight from JFK to Rome, I'd set out alone, for my first dose of the beauty that was Rome, soon finding that the streets of Rome were beautiful but awfully similar and bendy and that all places that served good, reasonable priced food, were crammed to the rafters with tourist who hadn't just gotten off their planes after a nine hour delay.

So now my poor nerves were shot to shit, I was beginning to sound more like Mrs. Bennett from pride and Prejudice each moment, I'd blown half my food budget in one single night and without a way to contact my guide, I was stuck on the sidewalk waiting like an ugly little wallflower at prom.

Time to call in the cavalry.

Deep down inside I knew I should just suck up whatever had crawled up my ass (which wasn't an appealing prospect) and go with the flow. I was in Italy, for God's sake. If I wouldn't be able to relax and just be happy over here then where the hell could I be? Hell, even Elizabeth Gilbert had been able to find happiness here and she'd had it much worse than I did! Yet I seemed to be determined to act like a spoiled little brat and ruin this experience before they'd even taken off.

"Dammit!" I cursed as I fished inside my purse for my mobile phone, scaring a poor old lady walking past me with a load of shopping bags on each arm.

I blushed. "Sorry…..oh erm….._scuzzi_?" At least the Italian word for 'I'm sorry' had been one of the six I'd managed to learn during my flight into Rome yesterday. I'd figured it might come in handy seeing as I was bound to stumble into someone or otherwise harass the good and perfectly unaware people of Rome during my stay.

The woman gave me a rather stringent nod, though I could see from the way her lips curled up ever so slightly at the end that at least my poor attempt at speaking her language must have amused her.

She wasn't the only one out there who took notice of me. As I leaned back against the sturdy, stone wall, careful not to step into the chaos of people hurrying along the sidewalk, I noticed quite a few of the men were shooting appreciative sideways glances in my direction as they spoke – to each other or on the phone.

Talking seemed to be the one thing Italians never tired of, that and flirting, at least as far as the men were concerned.

It was strange, though, but somehow they never made me feel disrespected, like some slab of female meat held upright for inspection. Unlike the most men I'd come across so far, these ones didn't look at you in the 'I'm mentally undressing you right now and fucking you seven ways from Sunday, just so you know' kind of way but more in the 'I really appreciate your mother and father for putting in all of that effort to create such a fine work of art' way. It made me feel strong…self assured….dare I say it? _Beautiful_.

_Now if only one of these guys was going to be my guide for the day….._

But alas, my guide seemed to have either overslept or forgotten he had an appointment with me in the first place so I turned my attention back to my phone, quickly dialing my help line for a little pep talk and a swift kick to the butt.

"I've got two minutes so make it snappy!" Rose's familiar voice barked in my ear. "How are things in _La bella Italia_?"

I sighed. "Not so great at the moment."

"Why not?" I could almost hear her frown even from a couple of thousand miles away. "You're in fucking Italy, Bella Swan. You should be living it up with some hot Italian Stallion on your arm!"

"My guide is late!" I grumbled. "And now I don't know what to do."

"Oh, I don't know…..Wait for him?"

I rolled my eyes. _As if I didn't think of that._ "I know that! But where? Indoors or out?"

"What's the weather like?" Rose wanted to know. "If it's warm just order some gelato and kick it back in the sunlight, if not head indoors and order something warm."

"But wouldn't it be unprofessional to leave my designated meeting point?" I pressed. "I mean…what if this guy can't find me?"

"Then you go explore the city on your own….or get Angela to contact him." Rose was starting to sound a little bit annoyed with my petty worries, which was something not altogether irrational. "Really, Bella. You're in bloody Rome, not some kind of third world banana republic. I'm sure they've got busses and subways and sidewalks aplenty over there and there has to be at least one bookstore in Rome that can hook you up with a map….."

"I know," I sighed. "I'm overreacting…..sorry."

"Don't be," Rose chuckled. "You wouldn't be the Bella we all know and love if you hadn't had at least one panic attack while on your first grownup business trip. Just keep me posted, okay babe?"

"Will do," I chuckled, hanging up just as a bright yellow scooter pulled up in front of me, a tall, lanky guy hopping down from the seat with an unexpected grace before starting to move towards me. "Isabella Swan?" the guy asked as he pulled his sunglasses from his face and used his lips to pull a cigarette from a packet he produced from the back of his jeans, his eyes meanwhile looking me up and down as if I was some kind of bug under a magnifying glass.

I glared back at him, trying to put everything I'd learned about the New York way of life into practice. "Who's asking?"

He grinned back at me and I had to admit that the guy wasn't altogether that unfortunate looking.

In fact, he was kinda gorgeous, actually.

As in: a lot.

A whole damn lot.

My breath stocked in my throat as I followed his hands while they struck a match against the packet, bringing them to the cigarette which was balancing precariously between his lips before killing the flame and throwing the match away, a small groan leaving his lips as he sucked in his first draw of smoke.

On any other man I would have found smoking utterly disgusting, on him it seemed almost….._erotic_.

"I'm Edward Cullen, your guide for the day." In my haze of R-rated thoughts about the poor guy and his deliciously cute English accent, I only noticed his outstretched hand when he shifted awkwardly in place.

"What?" I must have looked at him as if the last of my brains cells had vacated the vast empty space inside my head a long time ago as I kept moving his hand up and down like I was pumping for water. To my credit: the moment I realized what I was doing I immediately dropped it like it was on fire.

Oh yes, he'd spoken and as good manners dictated, I needed to answer. Now, if only I could remember what it was he'd told me. Oh yes…..I was supposed to be pissed off because he almost stood me up.

Which was something I hated.

"You're late." I crossed my arms in front of my chest, trying very hard not to come across as a petulant child but probably failing miserably.

He didn't seem to be too put out by my remark or that fact that he showed up half an hour late to a business meeting, though. "Got stuck in traffic," he shrugged, his lips pouting around the end of his cigarette as he took another drag, inhaling the smoke deep into his lungs before breathing it out through his nose.

Not that I was paying attention to all of that.

"Stuck in traffic?" I snorted, waving over at the almost obscenely yellow scooter. "I thought having one of those things meant that you could get _around_ traffic!"

He rolled his eyes. "You look like you need a drink."

"I.…_what_?" I looked at him, my mind not completely made up on whether to slap him or just walk away and give up.

"Seriously, woman," he went on, flinging the butt of his cigarette into the gutter. "There's no need to get your knickers in a twist. I'm sorry I was running a bit late but at least I'm here now so let's get a cup of coffee and discuss our plans for the day."

I glared back at him. "Fine."

The lopsided grin my surrender awarded me made my heart skip a beat. "Follow me. I know a nice place near here."

I meekly followed him into a quirky little bar tucked into a side street right next to my hotel, filled to the brim with Italians who – judging by the animation in their voices and the wide gesticulations – were discussing the way to end world hunger or cure cancer or something, though in reality they were probably just talking about the weather or some other trivial thing.

I'd found out soon enough that in the Italian language there were no such things as insignificance or understatements.

"So what's the plan?" Edward asked, returning from the bar with a cappuccino for me and an espresso for him which he downed in one sip, his hands patting his chest and jeans pocket in search of a lighter that was in fact lying on the table right in front of him while his lips nimbly picked another cigarette from the packet.

But again….I wasn't paying attention to him at all…

Nope. Definitely not.

I put my cup back on its saucer, using my free hands to rummage through my bag as Edward continued his frantic search for his lighter. "It's right _there_," I helped him out, pointing at the lighter hidden behind his Ray Bans as I noticed how Edward seemed to be getting more frustrated by the second, his nervous energy making me feel even more uncomfortable than I already was. _And that was saying a lot._

"Cheers," he grinned, a small moan leaving his lips as he inhaled. "So where are we headed today?"

I eyed him skeptically as his long fingers played with the strap of the worn shoulder bag he'd been carrying along. "Are you sure you're a guide?"

"What? I don't look like one?" He sat back, grinning at me as he scratched his chest while I mentally slapped myself for acting like a complete dumbass.

"I….I didn't mean….."

"You were expecting someone a little more Italian, no?" he chuckled, his grin widening as I nodded dejectedly. "Angela couldn't find another stand in at such short notice and I was free so… Here I am. I guess you'll just have to get used to my lack of tan and slick Italian manners."

He shrugged, the slight hint of nervousness creeping into his actions making him seem so young….almost like a boy instead of a man. Which was probably closer to the truth anyway, since he couldn't be older than twenty-five at the most. "We were supposed to meet on Thursday anyway since Angela hired me to take the pictures for your article."

"You're a photographer?" I frowned, letting my eyes glide over his body. He seemed awfully young to be a photographer but then again….he wasn't that much younger that I was.

"I know," he chuckled, shyly running a hand through his scruffy mop of auburn hair as he patted the bag resting on the table. "It's hard to spot a photographer without his zoom lens but I can assure you: I take a mean picture."

I couldn't help but smile, his good natured cheerfulness melting my bad mood like snow before the sun. "I guess I'll just have to take your word for it."

"I guess you do," he snickered, my heart taking a little leap in my chest as he flashed me a sexy half-assed kind of grin. "So, are you going to sit here and quiz me on my credentials all day or are you actually interested in seeing some of the sights?"

I nodded, sliding the itinerary I'd spent hours compiling and perfecting over the last couple of weeks across the table. "I've got a list here of the things I wanted to see for my article….."

"You've got a list?" For some reason Edward seemed to find that fact hilarious.

"Yeah?" I scowled, holding the list to my chest as if it were a newborn child. "What's wrong with making lists?"

"What's wrong?" he chuckled and on second thought I didn't like him that much at all. "Where's the spontaneity?"

"I'm trying to write a good article about Rome," I snapped. "I don't think my readers or my editor would like it if I just 'went with the flow' and ended up describing a very artistic piece of dove shit on the steps of the _Trevi Fountain_. Which is kinda ugly by the way and not at all like it looked in the movie."

I didn't know what the hell I was doing, unleashing all my frustrations about yesterday and today on my unsuspecting stand-in guide but there was something about him that had me flying off in all directions.

He snickered, craning his neck to keep his smoke out of my face as he exhaled. "We wouldn't want that to happen now, would we?" When I shook my head he gently coaxed the tiny slip of paper out from my hold and carefully unfolded it. "Now what do we have here….."

His nose scrunched up as his eyes lid along my carefully composed visiting plan for the city. "Boring….boring….Oh, God! You have to be kidding me!"

I nervously licked my lips, wondering if maybe I'd given him the wrong list. "Is something wrong?"

"Where do I start…." He tapped his long fingers against his lips as he gave the list another good look. "You seemed to have studied all the travel brochures very well…which is why your readers are going to be bored out of their skulls before they've even reached the bottom of the first paragraph."

"W-what?" I stammered.

"Now I'm not an expert on travel journalism but it can't be that much different from any other area in the field so I can tell you this: a good article should surprise….offer new insights and give people information they can't just pull off the internet or look up in a book. "

"Neither of which is going to happen if we stick to my list," I sighed dejectedly, feeling like my first venture into the field of travel journalism had become a failure before it even took off.

"We'll figure something out together," he offered, the intensity in his shockingly green eyes making me a little weak in the knees….and in the head. "How about this: we'll still stick to tourists spots popular with the in-crowd but mix it up a little so that at the end of the day you have a wide scope of sight to choose from for your article."

I nodded. "Do you think we can manage all of that in three days?"

"Sure," he shrugged, rubbing his chin as he frowned, his eyes trained to the list. "We might have to scrap a few things from your list if we want to add a few stellar but lesser known things…..but I think we'll manage just fine."

He looked up at me, the depth of his green eyes almost hypnotizing me. "That is…if you're game."

"O-okay?" I managed to stammer after gawking at him like some brainless bimbo for an awkward amount of time. "I guess…..I guess I can do that." What was it with that guy and his evil ability to dazzle me into doing stuff I shouldn't be doing?

I was a young, independent woman and a professional journalist on her way to write the mother of all travel columns! I should not let some pretty English boy with pretty eyes and insanely pretty and rebellious hair distract me into doing stuff that didn't fall into my plans.

But I guess I just did.

Crap.

And it wasn't just because of all the pretty. It was because for some strange reason I felt completely safe and more at ease with him than I felt with people I'd known for years. Which was stupid since I'd known him for all of five minutes give or take a few seconds.

"Well then," my pretty English guide smirked, offering me his arm as he helped me up from my seat, "let's get going then, your carriage awaits."

I gulped as he started to tug me out of the café, down the street again and in right the general direction of the yellow scooter he'd just pulled up in. Wait…he didn't expect me to…. "Na-uh," I very eloquently gasped, shaking my head furiously as he produced a helmet from the under seat storage compartment. "I'm not getting on that…._thing_!"

"What's wrong with it?" Edward looked from me to his bike in utter confusion. "You're wearing pants so you should be covered and….."

If I would have shaken my head any faster I would have ended up with a whiplash. "No…..no way."

"Come on, Bella – it's okay for me to call you Bella, right? – this is the best way to get around in town!"

I must have been looking particularly doe-like, my eyes wide with fear as I regarded the small tweety-colored contraption in front of me. "It looks like the best way to get yourself killed in town," I muttered. "I've seen the way people drive around here."

Edward snickered. "It's true that – to the untrained eye – it looks like complete bedlam on the streets of Rome but I can assure you, you'll be perfectly safe. People around here think fast and react even faster – it's one of the things I love about living here. Besides….I'm an excellent driver."

I eyed the scooter skeptically before giving in with a deep sigh, Edwards grin widening as I pulled the helmet out of his hands and plonked it down over my head. "If I end up in a hospital there's going to be hell to pay," I warned him as I followed his game – though with considerably less grace – and mounted the seat, my already fierce grip on his back turning into a kind of marmoset hold when he tore off like a bat out of hell.

_Oh my God, I was going to die!_

I was much too preoccupied with freaking out to scream or yell or call for aid as Edward steered the yellow machine of death deftly though the narrow streets of downtown Rome, bypassing all traffic jams and speeding past pedestrians until he pulled up in front of a huge, wrought iron gate.

"You can let go now. We're here," he spoke over his shoulder, allowing me to get off the scooter before grabbing a messenger bag from the under seat storage compartment and filling the gap with my helmet before sliding the thing in between two other scooters parked along the cobbled road.

I was too busy spitting out flies and other gunk that had flown into my mouth to answer.

"That wasn't so bad now, was it?" he grinned as he turned his attention back on me as he one-handedly massaged his shoulder. "But remind me next time to use a body protector when I've got you riding on the back. Blimey, you almost broke skin there!"

He was right. In hindsight the drive over here hadn't been all that bad, not that I was going to admit it. In fact, when you took the fear-of-death and the army of bugs I'd just ingested out of the equation, it was kind of exhilarating.

But again, I wasn't going to admit that, so I just shrugged and quickly changed the subject as I casually tried to get rid of what I assumed was a bad case of helmet hair. "Where are we?"

"_The Imperial Fora_," Edward answered, "or – to be precise, the emperor _Trajan's Forum_, since most of the other imperial forums are located across the road in the _Forum Romanum_."

"Oh," I nodded, wondering why he'd taken me here instead of across the road when all the good stuff apparently could be seen there.

"I took you here first because, unlike the _Forum Romanum_, a lot of _Trajan's Forum_ is still standing today – or has at least been renovated – so it doesn't ask as much of your imagination as the actual _Forum_ does," Edward went on, as if he'd read my mind. "Besides…it's a lot less crowded in here."

I smiled, getting a little more curious. After all, it wasn't every day that a girl got to visit her first Roman excavation site. "So let's see it."

"That's the spirit!" Edward chuckled, his smile still holding a strange kind of power over me.

He guided me towards the entrance, the strange power he seemed to be holding over me growing to something scarily alike an infatuation when he ordered two tickets from the person behind the register in a cute accented but unwavering Italian and grinning proudly as he presented me with mine.

"I'm going to need that receipt and the number of your bank account," I chuckled, rolling my eyes at his boyish enthusiasm.

"This one's on me," he insisted. "You didn't plan to visit this so I'm going out on a limb here…..."

"But…." I started.

"Just relax, Bella." Again, I was feeling slightly dazzled as he leaned into me, his face so close to mine that I could smell his minty-but-with-a-slight-hint-of-nicotine breath as he spoke. "I'll let you foot the bill on the more expensive touristy stuff we'll be visiting today."

I rolled my eyes, though I couldn't stop my lips from pulling into a smile. "You're such a gentleman!"

He shrugged. "I'm British. It's in my nature. Come on!" He took my hand, not stopping for me to take in the sights of my first live roman remains as we entered a huge hall like building but pushing straight through to the stairs. "It's best to start at the top."

I just had to take his word for it, though climbing an impossible amount of stairs in the already blistering heat had me huffing and puffing like I was in active labor when we did finally reach the top.

"Just through here," Edward cheered me on, his hand tugging on mine as he guided me through a long corridor with an almost childlike enthusiasm. It suited him, his boyish looks enhanced by that carefree attitude I was starting to get slightly jealous of.

"There!" I let out a small gasp as he pushed me forward, the two of us now standing on an elevated plateau looking out of the epicenter of ancient Rome.

It was unlike anything I'd ever seen in my life; beautiful unlike anything I'd ever seen in my life.

"Wow!" I breathed, my eyes shooting from the huge semicircular structure we'd just emerged from to the ancient site of the _Forum Roman_ right across the road to the elliptical shape of the Coliseum, just visible in the distance, and the monument for King Vittorio Emanuele II – locally dubbed 'the typewriter' because of its shape – on the other.

I'd seen all these things in travel guides, pictures and on TV but seeing them in real life…..

"That's why I took you here." In spite of the blistering heat, my skin broke out in goose bumps at the sound of Edward's soft voice right next to me. "The view over here is amazing….even better than that from the _Capitoline Museums_ if you ask me."

I nodded, having read somewhere that those museums had a lookout point somewhere where you got a clear view across the forum. "You talk like you've been pretty much everywhere around the city," I stated without taking my eyes off the amazing view. "How long have you been here?"

"About a year and a half," he shrugged, his frame languidly leaning against the railing, "and no, I haven't seen everything. I don't think that's possible, even if I lived here for the rest of my life."

"Do you like it here?" I wanted to know.

He nodded. "Like every other big city, it's got its own unique vibe but here, in Rome, it's something special. Like the air is alive somehow, lending a special kind of energy to all those breathing it in."

I narrowed my eyes as I took in his words. Right here, in his presence, looking at the city through his eyes, his words seemed so plausible when yesterday night….

"You don't seem all that convinced," he snickered, my cheeks pinking under his gaze.

This time I shrugged. "So far the city has yet to bring me under its spell."

"What?" He looked almost wounded by my lack of love for the eternal city. "You can seriously tell me that you can look at all of this….." his hand waved around in a semicircle to all the beauty surrounding us "…..and not fall in love with Rome?"

"No?" I fidgeted. "It's just….so far Rome to me hasn't been anything but tacky fountains, obnoxious tourists and overpriced food served by borderline scary waiters all wrapped in a warm, noisy cloak of chaos."

_There. I'd said it. _

_Why did I feel like crying?_

"Bella," he sighed, his hand rising to brush an errant strand of hair out of my face before thinking better of it at the last moment. "Rome is more than all of that, trust me. Yes, it's noisy and chaotic and if you don't take care you'll end up trapped in tourist hell….but it's also a city that can get under your skin and inside your heart before you know it, if only you open yourself up to it."

I sighed, turning so that we were side by side, looking out over the city as he went on. "Give it a chance – let the city woo you – and believe me, by the end of your trip, you'll never want to leave."

"I hope so," I smiled wryly, my eyes squinting against the brightness of the sun, "because if I have to write my article right now, I doubt my boss would be too impressed."

"We can't have that!" The smile was back in full force. "After all, if your article sucks, I doubt I'm going to get more commissions from _Epicenter_ in the near future which would seriously hurt my income!"

And just like that I was reminded why we were here, why he was here. This wasn't some summer romance _lovey dovey_ kind of shit, this was work. I had a job to do.

"So what is this place?" I pushed back from the railing, looking around me at the ruins of what must have been an amazing building in its day. "Or, better said: what did it used to be?"

He snickered. "It was ancient Rome's version of the shopping mall, built by one of the Roman emperors in order to win the good opinion of the mob."

I arched my brow, looking at the huge structure in front of me. "Must have been some kind of mob if he built all of this."

As we explored the forum, the concept of the place one time being a bustling mall became less foreign, the small stalls and covered walkways, shielding the shoppers from the brightness of the sun, suddenly seeming more and more like the kind of malls I was used to back home. In fact, it looked oddly the same.

The structure of the place felt much more powerful, though, a wonder of ancient techniques and architecture that still amazed me as we made our way outside again.

"Where to now, mister guide?" I joked as we stood outside again, the front façade of the building we'd just exited shielding us from the heat of the sun.

"Across the road," Edward grinned, gentlemanly offering me his arm as we started our trek across a cobblestone pathway leading down from the street we were in. "I think you're about ready for some more advanced Roman remains."

I rolled my eyes but held on tight, never having been happier to wear flat, sensible shoes in my entire life, as we made our way down to the busy street that separated Trajan's forum from the _Forum Romanum_ and the Palatine and Capitoline hills.

There was a line waiting to get into the excavation site but, according to Edward, we were lucky even if we had to wait for half an hour to finally get through. Apparently in the summer, you had no chance in hell of getting in there without having at least waited an hour and a half, and in temperatures even hotter than it was today.

"That's why I don't like this place all that much," he shrugged, after once again shifting from cute English to orgasm inducing Italian as he bought our tickets. "It's too damn crowded and the fact in itself that they charge you an astronomical amount to look at a few stubs of marble sticking out from a pile of rubbish is preposterous!"

"Not if they use the money to preserve the site from falling into decay," I countered, having read something about the high costs of protecting what was left of the forum from the effects of traffic fumes, acid rain and thousands of tourists tramping around the place year in, year out. "I'm more than happy to pay if it means that future generations can enjoy this place as much as we do."

"Well, I still think it's a load of shit," he grumbled, sighing as he eyes his packet of cigarettes first and then the no smoking sign.

_Ah, that would explain why he was getting cranky. _He hadn't been able to smoke while we were waiting in line, saying it was impolite to thrust your addictions onto the 'unsuspecting poor sods' who just so happened to be standing around us.

"Wow," I breathed as we finally stumbled into what used to be the most important place in the world, not entirely succeeding in keeping my disappointment out of my voice. "Is….is this all?"

I looked around at what appeared to be a huge pile of rubbish in front of me, a few pillars sticking out here and there being the only indications of what this place used to be. A long, long time ago.

Since then, it looked like a bomb had been dropped on top of it.

Or several.

"I told you so," Edward chuckled, grinning smuggle as we started to follow the clearly marked pathway through the forum, though as we progressed and the strange, powerful undercurrent that seemed to run through the place slowly started to get hold of us, even he couldn't resist taking a few pictures here and there.

"Just for your article," he mumbled as he caught me peeking at him from underneath my lashes. "We wouldn't want your readers to miss out on the most expensive deconstruction site in the world, now would we?"

"Jerk." I rolled my eyes. Keeping my eyes on the uneven surface I was walking across as we walked towards the edge of the site, a steep flight of stone steps taking us to the Capitoline Museums that were located on the hill overlooking the forum.

"This was where once the temple of Jupiter, the supreme deity of the Roman faith, stood," Edward explained as we made our way through endless rooms filled with more statues, tombstones and parts of what must have been beautiful buildings that my brain was scrambling to keep up with it.

And then we made it to the observatory.

"It looks almost like an ant heap from up there!" I blurted out as we stood side by side at the railing, his back turned towards the view in front of us as I looked out over it.

I blushed when my remark made him roar with laughter, almost scaring a few of the other tourists who'd made use of this shielded spot in the scorching midday heat. "Well….I mean…."

"No," he spoke softly as he angled his body towards me, "you're perfectly right. It does look like a bloody ant hill from up here. Funny….I never noticed it before."

"See!" I cried, nudging him with my elbow. "I can teach you a thing or two about your own city as well!"

And just as if the cosmic universe was on Edward's side, telling me to shut my trap, my stomach started grumbling loudly, the sound echoing from the stone walls of the enclose _loggia_ we were on.

"Um….sorry," I stumbled, feeling my cheeks heat up to a vibrant crimson as my stomach once more expressed its dissatisfaction at its empty state.

_Stupid human need for food! _

"We're need to get you fed, STAT," he chuckled, pushing his body away from the railing, "because judging by the sound of it, you're about to keel over from hunger."

_Hallelujah, the boy really could read my mind….or – better said – my stomach. _

"It's lucky I know just the place," he added, offering me his arm as we left the observation deck. "How do you feel about a picnic?"

By that time I was beyond complaining, my need for food overriding all memories of the disastrous picnic my mom had forced on me when I was eight years old, resulting in me getting ants….well, everywhere.

We quickly made our way back across the forum to the other exit, bringing us right in front of the _Coliseum_, where we bought a _panino_ and some drinks from a street vendor before taking a seat on a ledge on an elevation right across from the _Coliseum_, giving us an uninterrupted view over the amphitheater and the square around it.

"You'd be amazed how fast those guys work," Edward mumbled, his mouth still filled with the last bite of his food as he pointed at a few of the salesmen. "If it starts raining they will ditch their sunglasses and start hawking umbrella's before you can blink your eyes. I still haven't found where they're hiding that stuff."

I chucked. "Do you come here a lot?"

"What's a lot?" he shrugged. "There are so many great places to sit and watch over here that you're spoiled for choice really."

I could imagine that. After a disastrous day yesterday and a bad start today I was slowly starting to fall under the spell of the eternal city, it's unique combination of utter chaos and peaceful serenity becoming more entrancing by the second.

"This square…..it's so alive," I remarked, watching as people bustled around beneath our feet; locals on their way to work or wherever they were going but mainly tourist scampering about with enraptured looks on their faces or taking pictures with one of the many guys dressed up as gladiators or emperors who were parading around as if they owned the place.

Which wasn't that far off the mark.

"Not bad for a site that's over two millennia old, huh?" Edward chuckled.

I nodded. "Not bad at all."

He lit up another cigarette, a small moan falling from his lips as he inhaled his first gust of smoke in what might have been a few hours.

Not that I had kept count or anything.

"So," he started, his attention again focused on me now that his addiction was met, "how long have you been a travel journalist?"

I licked my lips, shifting my weight to alleviate some of the pressure his sign of satisfaction had stirred inside of me. "I….not that long," I finally stuttered. _What was it with that man and his strange ability to render me completely speechless?_

Recovering somewhat I added, "Why? Can you tell?"

He snickered. "You have that whole shell-shocked look going on which may let people in on the fact that you haven't been doing this for that long."

"Five weeks," I sighed, wondering once again if maybe I hadn't bitten off more than I could chew. "This is my first real trip."

"You'll do fine," he reassured me.

I let out another deep breath, my shoulders hunching forward with the weight resting on them. "I wish I could be so sure of that."

"Not that I'm an expert," Edward started, "because I don't do this whole tour guide thing all that often….but if you'd ask me you're one of the few journalists I've met on this job who actually understands the job she's supposed to be doing."

I frowned, not understanding a damn thing of what he was saying.

"You may have had a bad experience or two getting here, but you haven't let that spoil your views on the city," he explained. "In fact, you're more open minded and open to suggestions that most of the more experienced travel reporters I've worked with. Besides…..I doubt your boss would have wasted good money sending you here if she didn't believe you'd do a stellar job."

"That's just it," I muttered. "Everyone seems to sure that I can do this but I…..Hell, I'm not even sure if I _want_ to!"

"Well," Edward smiled, lithely jumping down from the ledge, "there's only one way to find out." He winked at me as he offered his hand to help me down. Somehow this managed to have me land flush against him, the hard panes of his body holding me captive as his spicy, masculine scent invaded my senses, rendering me completely useless for a minute or so until he stepped away, running his hand through his messy hair as he muttered something under his breath.

"W-what do we do now?" I asked as the silence that had fallen around us turned stifling.

He chuckled, his confident-to-the-point-of-cocky attitude back in full force as he waved over to the huge stone structure in front of us. "I couldn't let you leave this place without showing you the main attraction, could I?"

"I guess not." My lips pulled into a smile as I followed him, the shade of the building as we waited to be admitted a welcome change to the blistering heat of the late September sun.

When we stepped out into the light, though, I couldn't have cared less whether it was a hundred degrees or freezing cold, my mind solely occupied by the grandeur that surrounded me. "Wow."

"You seem to be saying that a lot!" Edward smiled, a flash of something shooting through his eyes, making me feel even hotter and awfully weak in the knees as I tried to keep my focus on the overpowering amount of history in front of me.

"How can I not?" I breathed, "when I've got all of this at my feet."

The overwhelming power of the place continued as we set out to explore it. Everything, from the intricate maze of cells and corridors in the basement, designed to hold and upload gladiators, wild animals and other props that might entertain the mob to the grand scale of the – now missing – arena floor and the vast rows of stone seats surrounding it.

"There used to be a very strict organization about the place," Edward explained as we sat on one of the steps to the stands, letting it all sink in. "Everyone had their place: the rich up front, close to the action…the poor higher up and the women and slaves in the nosebleed section, shielded by blinds suspended from the top circle. It was all a game of see and be seen."

"And all of that at the expense of people who had no choice but to be reduced to 'entertainment for the masses'," I sighed, returning my gaze to where the arena floor would have been. "I can't even begin to imagine how many people must have died in here."

"There were many," Edward nodded, "but maybe not as much as you would think."

When I frowned at him over my sunglasses he went on. "The gladiators were the properties of their _lanista_ – their trainer and slaveholder. When a rich nobleman or politician organized games, he would be responsible for reimbursing the _lanista_ for any losses sustained by the killing of gladiators. Therefore, if every gladiator would have been killed at the end of the match, he would be getting a heft invoice." He shrugged. "I figure maybe only one in ten fights would have ended in death."

I nodded, understanding the logic in his argument. "That's still a lot, though."

"It is," he mused, a companionable silence falling around us as we soaked up the atmosphere of this almighty place.

We set out again, sometime after that, to the _Baths of Caracalla_, the remains of a huge public bath, built by yet another emperor to seek favor with the mob of Rome.

Not that much of it was left in this day and age, most of it having been used to build other buildings over the ages, but what was there still gave me a pretty good idea of the vastness of public buildings in the Roman Empire as well as the opulence of their finish.

"Where to now?" I asked as we rested underneath a huge tree outside the bath complex, both sipping from a cool bottle of water.

"That's it for the day, actually." Edward shrugged apologetically. "It's already four in the afternoon and I'm under strict orders to deliver you at Angela's for dinner at seven. I figure you may need some time to freshen up and come to your senses before that."

I nodded, a little shocked by the fact that it was late afternoon already. _I guess time really does fly when you're having fun. _

The yellow-machine-of-death didn't even scare me that much anymore when I mounted it again, though the way Edward drove it at a break-neck speed across the city was a whole different matter entirely; my arms and legs cramping up from the way I'd had them squeezed around him and the bike by the time we finally reached the street behind my hotel again.

"I'll pick you up at six thirty," he said, flashing me another once of this puddle-inducing grins of his.

I arched my brow, not wanting to let him know just how much he and his laidback, bohemian ways affected me. "Are you actually going to be on time this time? Or does six thirty mean more like seven in your book?"

"Ouch!" he roared, clutching his heart in jest. "You wound me, milady."

I shook my head, trying to force my lips into a straight line even though they kept on curling up. "You had that one coming."

"I did, didn't I?" he shrugged, his eyes shining with glee. "I'd never dare to show up late at Angela's though. She'd have my bloody guts for garters if I did that!"

"Okay," I nodded, "six thirty it is then."

He winked at me, plunking his helmet over his head as he fired up that damn scooter of his. "Ciao, Bella!"

And as much as I'd never admit to it out loud: my heart started to beat a little faster in my chest.

_Maybe being a travel journalist wasn't so bad after all. _

* * *

_**Seems like Bella had quite the day, huh? Who wants to hear what Edward thinks of her?**_

_**My dear friend Ange de l'Aube created a twiligted thread for this story. I'll be posting extended teasers, updates on my writing and random musings over there. It's also the place where you can find the amazing banner and blinkie she made for me. A link to the thread can be found on my profile. **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	3. The Eternal City pt2

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**This story wouldn't be what it is without my wonderful beta, **_**The Real Teacher**_**, holding my hand and correcting my many errors. Thank you so much!**_

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_**You can find pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter on my blog. The link is on my profile page. **_

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**Chapter 3 – The Eternal City**

_**Where I found that being a tour guide might not be that bad after all.**_

"Fuck!" A loud curse left my throat as I leaned both my hands on the sides of the worn butler sink in my bathroom, cold water dripping from my face as I tried to regain some control over myself.

I stared at the cracked porcelain at the bottom of the sink, my mind engaged elsewhere instead of on the fact that it could do with a good old scrub down.

This day wasn't going as I expected.

At all.

When Angela asked me to step in for her and show this American girl who was flying in for a travel piece for some glossy magazine around town, I had been less than enthusiastic – and that was putting it lightly. In the two years I'd been living here I'd had to take over for Angela about three or four times and each one had been more traumatizing than the other.

I snorted, pushing my frame back from the sink as I remembered the crazy bitch Angela had foisted on me last August who'd threatened to sue me because she'd ended up severely sunburned and unable to finish her assignment. Apparently my failure to inform her of the fact that Rome gets quite a lot of sunshine in August and that the only way to avoid damage is to layer up on factor 50 had ended up traumatizing her forever. _Well, you dumb twit, maybe if you'd taken your eyes off of my ass for long enough to look around you, you would have found that one out for yourself. _

Then there was the particularly frisky girl from Belgium who'd all but tried to rape me in a quiet corner of the _Villa Borghese_. I shuddered, remembering that very close encounter. The girl hadn't been too unfortunate looking and I figured lots of blokes would have jumped at a chance to jump her….but not me.

There was one thing about a woman being confident enough to make the first move – and fuck if that wasn't a very sexy thing in a woman – but jumping on top of an unsuspecting tour guide like some kind of raging nymphomaniac was a whole different ball game.

Nope, promiscuity definitely wasn't something I found at all appealing in a woman.

There may have been a time when I'd been a little less than discerning in who or what I stuck my dick into, but I couldn't remember ever having been so hard up that I resorted the kind of girl who was one quickie away from becoming a common property.

No, thanks.

Those days were behind me now, anyway. Pleasurable – in an instant gratification kind of way – as they might have been, in the end there was nothing more boring and soul destroying than an anonymous one-time-only hookup.

No.

Sex should mean something. It should never be a race to see who got off first – or who got the other off first – but a merging of two souls and two bodies, both so completely devoted to each other that they were willing to completely ignore their own demands and urges to give pleasure and take it in the satisfaction of the other's bliss.

Which would explain why I was still single.

I blamed my parents.

Throughout my life they had always been the perfect example of a happy marriage; a marriage where both parties involved loved each other as much after twenty odd years of marriage as they had done on their wedding day but without ever falling into that rut so many old married couples fell into.

They kept it exciting, though I for one never wanted to know how they did it.

No, there may have been a lot I could reproach my folks with but setting a bad example for me and my sister definitely wasn't one of them. They'd always made sure to instill both me and my sister Bea with very high morals when it came to love and respect (which also explained why going against those morals had been the first thing on the agenda when I'd escaped from under their hawk's eye view) and taught us to never settle for anything less than true love.

Or whatever that may be.

So until my other half – my true love – came along, I was pretty much fucked and since it turned out that I was pretty bloody particular when it came to picking out my dream woman fucking didn't seem to be on the menu for now.

Enter Isabella Swan.

She was everything I never looked for in a woman but still I felt a connection to her I'd never experienced before.

And I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it scared the bloody hell out of me.

She was so sweet and trusting almost to the point of naiveté, her pale skin and large brown eyes exuding a purity that was almost startling. Yet at the same time there was so much pain in those eyes of her that it almost broke my heart to even look inside them. It called to life emotions I never even knew I possessed; a deep, almost desperate urge to protect her from further harm.

I wanted the pain to go away, her smile to be completely free of that sad, slightly panicked undertone that had been its constant guide throughout the day.

I wanted to lock her up in a little box, safe from the general population of male assholes that walked the surface of this earth – even if that made me somewhat of a scary stalker.

But most of all…..I wanted her to be mine.

I wanted her to be with me in a way I'd never wanted a woman to be with me before.

Not even _her_.

"This can't be happening!" I grumbled, splashing another scoop of icy water into my face since I figured I was in desperate need of one. "I'm supposed to be a free agent….not some kind of sulking bloody looser, waxing poetic about a woman so far out of his reach that it could only be measured in light years."

Seeing as cold water apparently seemed to be doing fuck all in getting my mind back in focus, I figured I might as well kill the time by trying to get some work done, a towel wrapped around my shoulders to keep my wet hair from dripping onto my laptop or camera as I uploaded the pictures I'd taken today to my laptop.

Bella smiling as she looked out over the city.

Bella studying a mosaic at the _Bath's of Caracalla_.

Bella smiling as she tried to discern some sort of order in the chaos that was the _Forum Romanum_.

Fuck.

I was beginning to see a theme emerging here.

I groaned, as if her being inside my head wasn't bad enough. She was in my work now too!

I could see this girl was going to be trouble.

Big trouble.

I lit another cigarette, the repetitive movement I submitted to too many times a day bringing some sense of order into the chaos that raged inside of me as the smoke I exhaled slowly blurred the image in front of me. _Bella leaned against an ancient wall, staring off in the distance with a small frown that made me wonder what it was she was looking at. _

It was a great picture – arguable one of the best I ever shot; the game of light and shadow and beauty and decay creating an interesting balance with the perfect, pale skin, soft brown hair and elegant understatement of the woman front and center in the frame while the slight blur in the background gave it that imperfection…the little flaw that kept the image exciting as opposed to boring in its imperfection.

_Too bad no one was ever going to see it. No one except for me, that was. _

Isabella Swan had crawled under my skin from the first time I set eyes on her, a frail looking little thing perched on the sidewalk, clutching her purse as if she thought some evil bag snatcher was going to jump out from the throng of innocent passersby at any minute as she looked around her with huge, panicked eyes.

Granted, I hadn't been so smitten with her at first as I seemed to be right now; her annoying need to control everything and write it down in lists and time schedules and whatnot driving me up the wall. Yet as the hours progressed and she started to let loose a little, I found myself more and more intrigued by this fearless little creature who, in spite of her apparent guts, seemed to be so afraid of the unknown that she'd almost passed up on the opportunity of a lifetime.

"Edward?" I jumped as Liam, my roommate, pounded his fists on the door. "You in?"

"It's open." I called back, saving the pictures to my hard drive and closing the laptop as my Australian flat mate and sauntered in. "What's happening?"

"Nothing much," Liam shrugged, immediately diving into my fridge for my private stash of beer. _Tosser! _"You still up for going to the _taverna_ tonight?" He leaned back, his eyes scanning the room.

"Maybe some other night." I shrugged. "Something came up."

He raised his brows suggestively. "Ohh! Hot date?"

"Dinner at Angela's," I shrugged, leaning back as I took another drag from my cigarette. I omitted to mention the fact that there would be another woman present that night, one I was _very much_ interested in. If I knew the guy he wouldn't give me a moment's peace before he'd been introduced to Bella and had his chance at chasing her away by asking all sorts of inopportune questions.

_Yeah, he was a bit of an asshole, but you had to kinda like the guy._

"Ah." He cringed, Liam and Angela never really having got on. "Well, good luck. I'll be thinking of ya!"

"No you won't!" I rolled my eyes, knowing as well as he did that the moment Liam set eyes on Gianna, the woman he'd fallen head over heels in love with on his trip to Rome and the sole reason he was still here three years later, all thoughts of the world around him would cease to exist.

"I've got to run," I said cutting our conversation short as a look at the clock told me that – if I wanted to fulfill my solemn vow to be on time – I really had to get my arse in gear right now, "so I'm kicking you out. And you're going to replace _that_." I pointed at the beer he was still nursing, knowing as well as he did that there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell he was ever going to do it.

His voice was still booming in my ears as I rushed through traffic, the engine of my _Vespa_ – my pride and joy – roaring underneath me as I wove my way through the congested streets of Rome, the wind in my hair and the city bustling with activity around me.

I made it to the _Piazza di Trevi_ right on time, Bella's small frame just emerging from the doorway of her hotel as I pulled up.

She looked…..amazing.

The blue dress she had on hugged her beautiful frame perfectly and the dark blue color made her pale, porcelain skin stand out as she walked towards me, wobbling slightly on the small heels of the shoes she was wearing.

She was perfection.

Utter perfection.

And, fuck it, I was done for.

"_Bona sera, signorina Swan_," I chuckled, noticing an adorable little blush spreading on her cheeks as I greeted her. _Maybe she wasn't so out of reach after all._ It made my heart beat a little faster and my lips pull into a wide smirk as I looked at her, dying to touch but keeping my distance all the same.

"Hello," she answered, her voice barely registering over the sounds of dozens of bloody tourist wandering around us. "You're on time!"

"Don't sound so surprised!" She chuckled as I huffed, taking her arm to steady her as I guided her over to my _Vespa_. "You look nice, by the way." Nice was putting it light, but I didn't think she was quite ready for anything more than 'nice'.

"Thanks!" Her blush deepened. "You don't look too shabby yourself."

"I don't think Angela would let me in her house if I showed up looking like a bum." It was the truth. Angela, kind and generally good-natured as she was, had a certain standard she lived up to. "Besides, tarting up a little is a small sacrifice to make if it means I can indulge in her cooking."

"Right." Bella bit her lip as she maneuvered her small body onto the backseat of my Vespa while keeping her lady bits covered. "So where does Angela live again?"

"The _Aventino_ district," I answered, turning my bike onto the road, my body humming in contentment as her arms closed around it. "It's not that far."

On our way over to Angela's house, a nice townhouse in the middle of a beautiful residential area near the city center, I relished in the way Bella's body fit against mine, her head leaning against my shoulder and her arms around my waist as she surrendered herself to my steersmanship.

It made it very hard to keep my attention on the road instead of on the way her arms felt around me.

"Wow, this is nice," Bella gushed as we walked up to the front of Ben and Angela's house. "From the talks I had with her I didn't realize Angela was so…"

"Loaded?" I offered, chuckling at the pink stains on Bella's cheeks. "Angie doesn't really boast about it."

"How do you know her?"

I shrugged. "I did a few jobs for the Tourist Office when I just arrived in Rome and….I guess she took pity on a poor starving lad and took me under her wing. From there on out there really was no escaping her even if I wanted to."

I chuckled as Bella gave me a funny look. "You'll find out soon enough when you meet her. She's kind of a force to be reckoned with."

Bella's apprehensive look as I knocked on the door made my laughter deepen, an arm of mine wrapping protectively around her almost by instinct as we waited for the door to open.

"Edward!" Ben was all smiles as he greeted us at the door. "And this must be Isabella Swan."

"Pleased to meet you," Bella spoke timidly, stepping out of my hold as she shook Ben's hand.

"It's always a pleasure to welcome a fellow American in my home," Ben grinned, a small flash of jealousy tearing through my chest as he gallantly helped her into the house, pointing out some of the architectural features as they went along.

Angela was bubbling with excitement by the time Ben showed us into the kitchen, her body leaning against the huge stove as she hugged me and a very startled Bella in greeting. "It's so nice to finally meet you, Isabella!" she squealed, barely keeping herself from keeling over. "I feel as if I know you already from our conversations over the phone. Ben, don't just stand there, get these poor people a drink before they starve from thirst, _subito_!"

Ben chuckled, shaking his head as he complied with his wife's demand. Twelve years of marriage and two kids had already taught him who was boss in their household.

It wasn't him.

"Is Renata still up?" I asked as Ben handed me my drink. "I haven't seen her in ages."

Renata was Ben and Angela's five year old daughter and a little princess in her own right. I'd first met her when she was three years old, right after I'd first arrived in Rome and had watched her grow into one of the most charming little girls on the planet. She had everyone around her wrapped around her little finger, though that may have been because she took after her mother in the way that she never took no for an answer.

To me, she'd been a bit of light at the end of a long, dark tunnel; the only thing that could brighten my days when I still arrived here, broke, broken and spiritless. She'd been my lifeline; the one thing that reminded me that there was good in the world and for that, she would always hold a special place in my heart.

Even if that did mean that I spoiled her rotten at every opportunity I had.

Angela shook her head. "She and Benito are already in bed. Renata's school went on a field trip to the zoo today so she spent all her energy running after everyone else, trying to see as many of the animals as she could. She nodded off as soon as she'd finished her dinner."

I pouted, hoping to have had a little time with my little _principesa_ before dinner.

Angela rolled her eyes. "I'm sure if I ask her she'd be more than happy to throw her uncle Edoardo a little tea party one of these days so that the two of you can catch up and you can spoil her some more."

I grinned. "I'd loved that."

By the time dinner was served, Angela and Bella were chatting away as if they'd been friends for years, leaving very little room for Ben and me to join in their conversation.

I didn't know about Ben, but I, for one, didn't mind that at all, since it gave me a prime opportunity to watch Bella while her guard was down; the warm brown in her eyes shining as she laughed at something Angela said or listened closely to something Angela, in her heavily Italianized English told her.

Those eyes….they truly were the mirrors of her soul and while she managed to keep things hidden with the rest of her, they hinted at what was going on inside that mind of hers.

Angela listened with rapt attention as Bella regaled them with stories about her childhood in Forks, Washington and growing up as the daughter of the police chief as well as living in the big city after she moved to New York.

"But if you grew up in Washington and lived there all your life…..then how did you come to live in New York?" Angela frowned as she tried to wrap her mind around the enigma Bella posed to her. "That's thousands of miles away, no?"

Bella nodded, nervously biting her lip. "It is a long way from home but still….when my cousin Alice called me to say they had an opening at the magazine I felt I couldn't say no…..It was such a great opportunity for a girl like me."

I knew there had to be more to it than that. Bella didn't strike me as the kind of woman who would up and move halfway across the country on a whim or just because of a 'good opportunity'. There were too many uncertainties…..to many risks involved for a girl like her to take that jump unless she felt she had to.

It bet it had to do with the pain that flashed through her eyes at times, hinting to a deep, underlying wound that had never been healed.

But whatever it may have been, she wasn't ready to share it with the rest of us.

"You're so brave," Angela gushed, folding her hand over Bella's when she noticed how ill at ease her guest felt at being put in the spotlight. "In fact….I'm beginning to think us Italians are just a bunch of _seccatori_….what do you call it?"

"Wimps?" Ben helped her out.

Angela's eyes lit up with love. "Ah yes…_wimps_ for being so home-loving. I've always been very happy to stay in _Roma_ for all my life but you lot….." She waved her arm around the table. "….you just move halfway across the globe as if it's no biggie!"

"It wasn't exactly like that!" Bella chuckled. "Not a day goes by without me missing my family. I only moved because I felt….because I had no other choice. Besides, I was scared to death at first. After everything my dad had told me about the big city, I hardly dared to go out on the streets by day, let alone at night! It took my cousin months to convince me that New York wasn't such a scary place after all."

Angela chuckled, nursing her glass as her eyes flittered from Bella to me. _Shit, she was on to me!_

"Still," she spoke. "You did it."

"So would you have, darling," Ben remonstrated, "if I hadn't been able to come to you."

"That's true." Angela's eyes shined with love as she looked at her husband. "But I'm very happy that the Embassy offered you a permanent job."

I smiled, looking at the two of them. They were the living proof of everything my parents had tried to distill in me about marriage, having fallen in love almost at first sight when Ben, an intern at the American Embassy in Rome, met Angela on his first day in the city. I don't think they'd spend a day apart after that, their love strong enough to overcome all obstacles in their way.

"Tell me, Bella," Ben asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room as we all dove into our desserts, "have you decided on an angle for your article about our city?"

Bella nodded, swallowing another bite of _tiramisu_ before she spoke. "In my articles I want to test myths and prejudices about the great cities of the world. I mean….every big city – and even some of the smaller ones – have nicknames or something else they are known for. What I want to do is see of those myths hold strong on further inspection or if they are just fables, as well as find out if there is more to the city than just meets the eye."

I narrowed my eyes, musing on what she said. "Can you give us an example?"

"Of course," Bella smiled. "Take Rome, for instance. It's known as the 'eternal city'; the city of '_la dolce vita'_. What I'm eager to learn is whether life in Rome really is as sweet as they claim it is, or….."

"….whether it's just a ruse us tourist board employees use to get good people to spend their hard earned money in our city?" Angela finished, grinning like a Cheshire Cat. "I like it!"

Dinner came to an end shortly after that and as I drove Bella home I couldn't help but wonder what my life would be like if the two of us ended up like Ben and Angela; loving each other so much that it didn't signify where 'home' was, as long as they were together.

I sorted, the sound drowned out by my bike. _Yeah, as if you'd ever be able to have what they have!_

All too soon it was time to say goodbye, Bella hopping off the back of my bike and skipping off with a last 'goodnight' as I watched her until she was safely behind the front door of her hotel before speeding off into the night, happier and more confused than I ever had been in my life.

I spend most of the night awake after dropping her off, smoking more than I should and drinking more than was good to me as I thought about the crazy day I just had.

This wasn't good.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

I wasn't supposed to feel like this.

Not after what happened with _her_.

Finally, somewhere between three and four in the morning, as I was on my last packet of cigarettes, I came to the decision to back off. Tangling up my lot with a girl was only going to lead to heartbreak and more complications I concluded, and besides…..a few blushes and some funny looks aside…there was no way Bella could ever want me in the way I wanted her.

And even if she did, I would never live up to her needs.

I was better of keeping my distance.

Letting her be.

But, of course, the universe conspired against me.

As it usually did.

My resolve to remain professionally distant and cool of mind flew out the window almost the second I saw her; all shy smiles and feminine insecurity and dear lord….was she wearing Chucks?

This woman was going to be the death of me.

"Where are you taking me today, mister guide?" she grinned as she walked towards me, almost losing her balance halfway through on a particularly nasty cobble.

My girl obviously had balance issues.

Wait…..what the hell? Why was I calling her _my girl_?

"Are you okay?" I wheezed, trying not to laugh at the way she spun around like a drunk ballerina trying to keep herself from smashing to the ground.

"I'm fine, thank you very much," she huffed, her cheeks lobster red as she managed to cross the remaining distance without further injury. "You didn't answer my question, by the way."

"That was because you were too busy trying not to face-plant on Roman soil that I doubted you would have heard me if I did answer it," I chuckled, barely avoiding a bitch slap. "But to put your mind at ease….We're going church-hopping today. I figure you may have a few sins you would like to confess."

_And if you don't, I have plenty to keep us busy well until sundown. _

Judging from the way Bella's blush deepened – believe it or not – I gathered that sweet, pure Bella Swan might not have been as sweet and pure as I figured she was. My cock twitched at the thought of all the dirty little thoughts that might have been swimming through that mind of hers.

_Were some of them about me?_ I barely avoided moaning out loud. _God I hoped so!_

Throughout the day my perverted fascination for all things Bella Swan only got worse. Since I had visited the main churches of Rome too damn often to still find anything even remotely interesting in them, my mind was mostly focused on the way Bella looked as she ambled around the place, her bottom lips wedged between her teeth and her eyes huge with wonder as she took in one pompous altar piece after another or stared fascinated at statues and frescoes of saints and their miraculous – and quite often very violently ending – lives. Some of those frescoes were actually surprisingly hardcore for buildings which were supposed to uphold the sacred beliefs of peace and love and all that.

I'd never really bought into it, to be honest, no matter how much mum had tried to instill me with some good Christian beliefs.

_Sorry mum. _I smirked, remembering all my mum's efforts to bring me up in the good catholic faith of my family and how I'd walked away – hard and fast – from all of that as soon as I was able to.

I trailed after Bella like a puppy all day, though, after a while I did start to feel a little bit guilty about sporting a semi in church. I might not have been a believer in the ecclesiastical sense of the world, that didn't mean I was a complete and utter philistine either. And being hard in church was something you just didn't do.

If only my Johnson knew that too.

It was simply too hard to keep my thoughts from wandering into the R-rated domain with Bella running around the place like a clumsy fairy princess, her Chucks and full, red lips tempting me every step of the way.

_God, I've gotta get out of this place before I incur God's wrath!_

"Where to now?" Bella asked eagerly while I tried to recover my senses on the steps of the _San Giovanni in Laterano_. "Are there more churches to visit or have we run out of new ones?"

I grinned. "I think that would be impossible." So far we'd visited only four, this one included, having started off at _Saint Peter's_ and the _Vatican Museums_, working our way down through the _Pantheon_ and the _Santa Maria Novella_ before finally ending up here. "Right now we're going to the one place that shows how Rome deserves it's title of 'the eternal city' like no other place in the city does."

Her smile did all sorts of strange things to me. "You _have_ been paying attention!"

"Of course!" I clutched my heart, pretending to be hurt by her jest. "So hop on, unless you intend to walk all the way over there." It wasn't actually that far to the _San Clemente_, but there was no need for her to know that, not when I quite enjoyed the way her arms folded around my chest when she rode on the backseat of my _Vespa_.

"It doesn't look like much of a church to me." I chuckled at Bella's honesty, following her gaze as her brows pulled into a frown while she studied the obscure brick building we were standing in front of.

I shrugged. "It doesn't, I agree, but it's one of the few churches that has managed to catch my imagination around here."

The smile was back, my heart taking a little girly leap in my chest. "It must be a very special one, then."

The look on Bella's face as we walked inside, her eyes drinking in the beautiful intricate mosaics that covered the apse and vaulted ceiling as she stood rooted to the spot was priceless. On my impromptu assignments as a tour guide I'd never met a journalist who could be quite so transfixed with what he or she saw or as eager to soak up every tiny little morsel of the city that was on offer.

All nerves and compulsive needs to control aside, I knew she was going to be a great travel journalist. She had all the ingredients, if only she trusted herself enough to put them to use.

"Not bad for a bit of twelfth century handiwork, is it?" I whispered, relishing in the nearness of her as I leaned in to point a few things out to her.

"That old?" she gasped without ever taking her eyes off the fine art in front of her.

I nodded. "Though this is actually one of the youngest parts of this building." I chuckled, watching Bella's eyes grow even wider. "Follow me. I'll show you the really old bits."

I could feel her follow after me, her body only a few steps away from mine as we descended into the lower parts of the church. It was a good thing she was that close because, as our surroundings got darker and more moist, she almost slipped on one of the bottom steps of the stairs, my hand grabbing hers just in time to keep her from connecting with the dirty floor.

Grabbing and not letting go.

I only noticed the fact that we were still holding hands long after we'd made our way through the middle part of the excavation site, reluctantly releasing her hand to run it through my hair while I tried to remember the job I was supposed to do. "It's the first _San Clemente_ ever to be built on this site," I explained nervously, breathing a sigh of relief when Bella went back to studying her surroundings. "It dates back to the fourth century AD, right to the point when Christians no longer had to practice their beliefs in secret."

"There's so much history here," she whispered in awe, running her hand along the uneven surface of the ancient walls.

"There is," I nodded, "and we haven't even gotten to the oldest part yet."

"There's more?" I chuckled, motioning for her to follow me again as we made our way over to the side where another flight of stairs led us deeper into the building, my hand grabbing hold of hers again on the top of the stairs as if by a silent agreement.

"We're lucky the place is as good as empty." I noticed with satisfaction that the throngs of tourist who littered the place every fucking moment of the day during high season were absent. "I've been here during high season when it's wall to wall with annoying, smelly tourists. It kind of takes away the magic of it."

She nodded, the wide-eyed Bambi look back in full force as she looked around her. "What _is_ this place?"

"It's a first century alleyway separating two houses." I chuckled. "On the right side there's a small, private temple, devoted to the cult of _Mithras_, the other a more conventional home which once belonged to a man called Titus Flavius Clemens, who was martyred for his Christian beliefs, who opened his house to his fellow Christians as a place of worship since the religion was still outlawed . It was later turned into a Basilica when the emperor Constantine adopted Christianity as the new state religion."

She nodded, walking beside me as we walked the streets of ancient Rome in silence before emerging back in modern times, though not before Bella had gotten another good look at the mosaics.

"If you like mosaics so much," I spoke around my cigarette, breathing in the smoky goodness I'd been forced to go without for too bloody long, "you should check out my local church in _Trastevere_. It's got some pretty amazing stuff as well."

"Do we have time for that?" Bella immediately wanted to know. "I mean, I've really enjoyed seeing all these different churches all day. It really gives you a good grasp of how tastes and skills have developed over the ages."

I glanced at my watch. "It should still be open by the time we get there."

Her smile was wide and almost made me drunk with all the ways I wanted her. "Let's go then!" she squealed enthusiastically, already sprinting off towards my bike.

Bella was as taken with the _Santa Maria in Trastevere_ as she had been with the _San Clemente_, mosaics definitely being her thing, judging from the way she could stare at them for minutes on end without even bothering to blink. Her interest only grew when I told her how parts of the Baths of Caracalla, a place we'd visited yesterday, had been stripped to form some of the feature columns inside the church.

"I was thinking…." I dawdled as we stood on the outer steps, the sun low in the sky as afternoon morphed into evening. "If you don't have anything else planned…would you like to go up to my place….to see some of my work?"

I looked at her, praying she didn't take my words as some sleazy way to worm myself into her knickers (though I wouldn't mind getting into them if she offered) . "I mean….you need pictures to go with your article, right? And I've got them….lots of them….and….and a cold beer, if you want one…I've got water too, though if you don't like beer…"

"I'd love to." I did an internal happy dance (a very manly one, though) as she smiled at me, her hand resting briefly on my arm. "And I wouldn't mind a beer after the crusade we've made today."

I grinned. "You've earned it, Bella."

And so there we were, in my apartment, twenty minutes later; she sitting on the sofa in front of my laptop, me trying to hide the serious wood I was sporting by looking out of the window.

As she sat there, her eyes glued to the screen while she scrolled though my catalogue, I tried not to think about the fact that she was here, in _my_ apartment, sitting on _my_ couch, her lips closing around a bottle of _my_ beer. Or about the fact that I'd rubbed one out last night to a very similar scenario (minus the clothes).

The emphasis was on _trying_.

"This is so good." I squeezed my eyes shut, Bella's husky voice shooting straight to my cock as she continued to look at the pictures I'd taken around the city. _That's what she said, sweetheart._

"In fact." I shook my head, trying to clear it of all R-rated thoughts, as Bella went on, blissfully oblivious to the vile creature across the room - _me_. "I think this is exactly what Jane was looking for when she asked me to think outside the box. They have this edge to them which makes them exciting without scaring people off because they are too…"

"Artsy?" I offered.

She nodded, trying to hide her blush behind her hair. "They are amazing, Edward."

"Thanks." There were no words to describe the feeling of satisfaction her words sprang up inside of me. "So you're saying you want to use a few of them for your article?"

"Definitely!" She nodded. "That is…if we can afford them."

I chuckled. "I'm sure we can work something out."

For the next half hour the two of us sat, side by side, behind my laptop, discussing the pictures she wanted to use, the pictures she thought were great but not quite what she wanted and coming up with a plan to fulfill her every need.

It was only when we finally came to an agreement that I started to notice how close she was, her sweet, feminine scent invading my system as she nervously licked her lips, making them stand out even more against her pale, almost translucent skin.

"So….." I stammered, shifting slightly to alleviate the effect her proximity was having on me, "I think…..we have everything?"

As I kept vomiting words like some kind of blundering idiot, I suddenly noticed how all of my shifting about had brought me dangerously close to her lips, their full, strawberry plumpness calling out to me with a power I couldn't resist.

_Fuck! I was going to kiss her._

"I-I think we do," she stammered, slowly inching closer as her eyes fluttered and closed.

_Fuckety fuck! She was going to let me!_

But then, just as my lips were closing the gap, Liam in all his annoying boorishness ambled into the room. "G'day Cullen, How's it hangi…..Fuck! Sorry, mate! I didn't know you had company!"

It didn't escape my notice how his eyes glided over her body like she was a light snack and he a hungry construction worker, the fact that he was eyeing my girl heightening the frustration his cockblocking ways had already stirred up to new and greater heights.

"Can't you fucking knock?" I groaned, my body sagging back into the couch as Bella jumped up as if her ass was on fire, putting as much distance between us as she could without fleeing the scene.

"What's the fun in that?" Liam shrugged, his grin widening as he turned to Bella. "I'm Liam, by the way, Eddie's roommate? I'd wait for a proper introduction but judging by the look on his face, I could wait until I'm old and grey before Eddie will remember the proper rules of etiquette."

"B-Bella," Bella stammered, looking like a deer caught in headlights as she shook Liam's hand. "Bella Swan."

"Well, Bella Swan," Liam, suave motherfucker that he was, went on. "I take it you're going to be at the fantastic party me and my girl are throwing tonight? I was just coming up to invite Eddie, though I don't know if 'inviting' is the right word since the party's going to be held at his place."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for letting me know. Fucker!"

"I…um….." Both our head whipped back to Bella as she stood in the corner of my room, fidgeting with the handle of her purse. "I'd better go….."

"No." I was up on my feet and halfway toward her in a second. "You don't have to….I mean…I'd like you to…..stay?"

Liam rolled his eyes. "What Eddie in his usual verbose way, is trying to say is that you're more than welcome to tag along. A pretty little thing like you is bound to be a hit with our mates."

That only seemed to scare Bella off even more, her hands closing around her bag in a way that had me fearing she was going to break something. "That's very…kind, I guess? But I have to get back to my hotel…I've got to…erm….work." And to not leave any room for negotiations this time, she walked out of the door, me following after her as if by some unspoken agreement.

"Thanks a lot, you fucking idiot!" I hissed under my breath as I stalked past Liam. "And you'd better make sure my fridge is restocked before they get here. I'm not drinking any of that cheap piss you call beer."

Bella was silent as I drove her back, the absence of conversation giving both of us the opportunity to think about what had just happened.

Or better said: what hadn't.

As much as I cursed Liam to the darkest, hottest circle of hell for interrupting us, I was starting to see why kissing Bella – as much as I and maybe even she might have wanted it to happen – would have been a capital mistake.

For starters because she was only going to be here for two more days.

Because our characters and our situations in life were as different as sun and moon.

Because I had obligations she wouldn't understand.

Because she was simply too…._good_ for me.

Because I would make her unhappy in the end.

Because

Because

Because

She seemed to have come to the same conclusion or so I gathered from the way she made sure the distance between her and me as I walked her to her door, was wide enough to have a horse and carriage run through it.

However, for two people who knew without a doubt that they were doing the right thing, we both looked pretty damn disappointed as we said goodbye on the steps of her hotel room, both of us lingering nervously in the doorway until Bella's phone shocked us out of whatever alternate universe we'd landed ourselves in.

_Fucking cockblocking friends!_

I grumped all the way back, my mind not satisfied with the fact that I was going to see her again in a couple of hours.

It wanted her here….now….in my bed….underneath my body.

I groaned, leaning against the railing of my balcony, knowing that I was in even more trouble now than I had been a day before…

Of three things, though, I was absolutely certain.

One: The crap dad had been sprouting about true love and soul mates may have had some truth in it after all.

Two: There was something about Isabella Swan – though I couldn't put my finger on what exactly that was – that had me falling harder and faster for her than I ever imagined a bloke could be falling for a girl.

Three: I was well and truly fucked.

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_**Thoughts?**_

_**I'm trying to make Wednesday my usual posting day from now on. Seems like a nice day to do some (vicarious) traveling, doesn't it?**_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	4. The Eternal City pt3

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**This story wouldn't be what it is without my wonderful beta, **_**The Real Teacher**_**, holding my hand and correcting my many errors. Thank you so much!**_

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_**You can find pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter on my blog. The link is on my profile page. **_

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**Chapter – The Eternal City**

_**Or how I managed to let go and enjoy life a little.**_

"I just….I don't know what to do, Ali," I sighed, leaning back against the headboard. "He's so….and I'm….."

"Relax, Bella," Alice cooed. "Just let go and live a little!"

I growled, what was it with my friends and their inability to see just how far out of my comfort zone I was right now. "That's easy for you to say! You're gorgeous and confident. Men fall for you by the dozen while I….."

"Stop it right there, missy!" Alice commanded, my mouth shutting obediently at the tone of her voice. "As flattered as I am by you calling me gorgeous, you, Bella, are just as gorgeous as I am and from what you told me, Edward seems to be pretty damn aware of that as well."

"But….."

"Just go with the flow, Bella," Alice sighed. "See where it gets you. This seems like the perfect opportunity for some hot summer lovin'!"

"This isn't _Grease_, for God's sake!" I growled. "We're not in high school! We're supposed to be _working_ together, not jumping into bed the first chance we get!"

"But don't tell me you haven't thought about that!" Alice teased.

I groaned. "That's not the point Alice!"

"I knew it!" she shrieked triumphantly. "Wait until I tell Rose! Do you have pictures? You've got to have pictures! I need to see what he looks like and….."

"Hold on for just a second, Ali," I grumbled. "Before you start planning the wedding and start making Photoshop mash-ups to decide if our future children are cute enough to be worth the hassle please note this: nothing has happened yet and I don't even know if it ever will."

"Oh, I'm sure it will, Bella," Alice insisted.

I groaned. "How can you be so certain?"

"I can hear it in your voice," Alice explained, though for an explanation it sure as hell didn't offer much on the side of clarity. "You're happy."

"Alice….."

"You wouldn't have sounded as happy as you do when you talk about him, if he didn't mirror at least some of your feelings. What you described right now…it's magical…surreal…the kind of stuff all us girls dream about. Take a chance on it, Bella, before it's too late."

"But what if I'm wrong?" I squeaked, feeling more scared and desperate than happy at that moment.

"Then you'll learn a hard lesson about rejection but really….you'll be leaving tomorrow anyway so things won't be awkward for too long."

Coming from her it all sounded so….easy; so not something to waste any thoughts about. But if it really was, then why was I sitting out here in my hotel room, still awake in the middle of the night because I couldn't stop thinking about it?

"Just do me a favor, okay Bella?" Alice asked after a short gap in the conversation. "Don't write this off just yet. Give it tomorrow….pay attention to what he says and how he acts around you – you know? The little things….the small touches, the sideways glances, the things that show he has been paying attention to the stuff you've been telling him for the last couple of days….that kind of shit. If by the end of the day, none of those have made an appearance then you can be pretty sure he just sees you as a friend. If, however, he does….then go for it. You've got nothing to lose."

"Apart from my self-respect," I snorted bitterly.

"That shit's overrated if you ask me," Alice snickered. "Besides…it would be good for you to get your groove back. It's been missing in action for – what – three years now?"

"Have you been taking lessons from Rose?" I growled, though deep down inside I had to admit that I was kinda starting to miss sex a little bit. I mean….a vibrator was all good and dandy for getting a girl off every now and then but it still had nothing on the real thing. I would bet a pretty penny that the real thing with Edward…

"Nah, I came up with that one all on my own," Alice admitted proudly. "Look, I've gotta go. There's some stuff I have to do for tomorrow's run through and God knows 'La Livingston' is going to have my pretty little ass handed to me if I'm not ready. I'll still be here, though if you need me."

"Thanks, Ali," I sighed. "I think I'll be fine. Good luck tomorrow."

"Sleep well, Bella," Alice answered back. "And good luck to you too! Go get your man!"

I shook my head, placing the phone back on the bedside table as I got up, massaging my temples as I looked out the window onto the square down below. Which, oh irony of ironies, seemed to be filled with canoodling couples.

I sighed, indulging my inner stalker creep as I watched a man twirl his girl along the edge of the fountain, never letting go of her with either his eyes or his hands before finally wrapping her up in a steady embrace, their laughter ringing up in the air as their lips moved closer for a tender kiss.

Why couldn't I have any of that?

I felt a huge pang of jealousy mixed with sadness as I thought back on Mike's parting words. _You will never be good enough to hold a man's attention for long. _

Had he been right?

Was I really too boring and plain to secure a man's lasting affection?

Or was it all just in my head?

Was my need for control standing in the way of me finding happiness….or even just having some fun?

I still didn't have the answer to any of my questions the next morning, when I waited for Edward – who was running late, again – at the _Piazza di Trevi _though I did finally come to some sort of resolve somewhere between three and four in the morning.

I was going to do as Alice said. I was going to let him – his actions – be my guide today and decide at the end of it if I had enough confirmation to take the plunge.

At least….that was the plan.

Now if only Edward didn't turn me into a mooning little girl every time he grinned at me, maybe I would keep my senses about me long enough to actually execute my plan and pay attention instead of daydream about what it would be like if only…..

"Buongiorno, signorina Swan," his smooth voice spoke in my air, a small shiver running down my body as it realized just how close it was to his.

"G-good morning," I managed to stammer, my legs still shaky as I turned towards him.

"I know I'm late," Edward chuckled before I could say something, holding his hands up in surrender as he took a small step backwards. "I was just out the door when someone called me about a job." He shrugged apologetically. "I had to take the call. A guy's got to eat, after all."

"I understand." I smiled back, wanting to reassure him. "Really! What did you think? That I was going to bite your head off for getting here a few minutes late?"

Edward snorted. "You did on Monday."

I could feel my cheeks heating up and it wasn't because of the sun. Had I really been that bitchy back then? "Well, that was on Monday," I pouted, not really making sense in my own self-defense. "It's Wednesday now."

"Ah," Edward nodded, once again offering me his arm as he started to guide me across the uneven cobbled paving. "Of course. That makes all the difference."

I rolled my eyes at his overly Clarke Gable-esque gentlemanly behavior (though inwardly there was much rejoicing). "What's on the menu for today?"

"A trip around some of the city's finest art," he grinned, "which happens to be housed in some of the city's finest palaces." His grin widened as he noticed my confusion when, instead of ducking into the side street where he usually parked his scooter, we headed off in a different direction. "The first one is just up here. It's a short walk, I promise."

The short walk had us marching up to a beautiful renaissance palace, standing proudly just off a busy road with a small front yard planted with mature trees and shrubs to hide the front façade from view.

"And to imagine this used to be the city home to just one family," Edward remarked as we took in the beautiful palace, its three storey's perfectly symmetrical and intricately adorned without it every becoming over the top. It was balanced…..a style drawing back upon the ancient Greek and Roman way of building but with the application of all the modern techniques of its day.

"It must have been so great to live here," I sighed, wondering what it must have felt like to walk through this garden in the late afternoon, the warm soil underneath your feet and the fading sunlight reverberating off the stone.

"I don't know." I looked at Edward, a little surprised by his answer. He shrugged. "From what I've heard the rich and famous of that day and age were all far too busy trying to come up with ways to get richer and more famous to actually enjoy it. Their daughters were pretty much a bargaining chip to gain entrances into other powerful families in the city while 'spare' boys would be entered into the church in the hope of gaining influence over the Holy See."

"God, you make it seem so sordid!" I snorted, the beautiful house in front of me taking on a whole different light. I nudged him in the side with my elbow. "Way to kill the romance, Edward!"

Edward's smile didn't reach his eyes as he shrugged, kicking at a few small rocks with his feet. "Just saying it the way it is. Money….it doesn't usually bring out the best in people. It never did back then and I don't think anything's changed in the years that have gone by. I'm sorry if knowing the truth kills the magic of the place."

"It doesn't," I assured him, tugging on his arm in my impatience to get inside. "I'm just a romantic sap, that's all."

Inside the building was as beautiful as it was on the outside; richly appointed rooms covered in art by painters whose names even I – with my limited knowledge of art – knew.

Wandering through the rooms of the small museum, it was easy to see how painting techniques had evolved over the years; the Medieval Madonna's looking more sickly than serene as they held babies with the expressions of grown men and full sized six packs or beer bellies in their laps, while their Renaissance counterparts were all made of flesh and blood and clearly drawn from life. They'd come a long way.

Evolvement.

It seemed to be the overlaying theme – the binding factor – around here…..so much so that I was starting to wonder if maybe the city was silently trying to communicate something.

As we made our way back to the _Piazza di Trevi_ to retrieve the yellow-machine-of-death I learned that pretty little palaces like the _Palazzo Barberini_, the place we'd just visited, were only part of the real estate the rich and famous of the Renaissance owned. Every self respecting family not only had their palazzo in town, the place where they conducted their day to day business of scheming to take over the world (or just Rome which, according to the people of that day, pretty much _was_ the world), they also had a nice place in the country to unwind and entertain their guests, far from the stench and noise of the city but close enough to be able to get back into the hustle and bustle of Rome quickly if need be.

And one of those places was where we were headed next, at a speed I wasn't sure was altogether warranted.

Edward seemed to have a different opinion about appropriate speeds and road etiquette, though and through the days I'd learned that opening my mouth to voice a complaint while seated behind him was only going to have me end up getting laughed at while I tried to spit out all of the flies and other gunk that had flown into my mouth.

_What a way to learn how to keep your mouth shut!_

The _Villa Borghese_ was as awe inspiring as the _Palazzo Barberini_ had been, it's austere white façade looming up from the plush green of the park that surrounded it. It was huge, as seemed to be the case with the park, and a whole lot more crowded and touristy than the first place had been. In fact, we had to wait for fifteen minutes before we were allowed in; the time slot on our tickets stipulating our time of entry.

"You should come here in the summer when it's really busy," Edward, obviously not being one for delayed gratification, grumbled. "If you don't have a reservation it's almost impossible to get in."

"It's our time!" I squealed, the wait only heightening my excitement. The time slot gave me a sense of order….of organization, that I'd missed about my life ever since I'd set foot on Italian soil.

This, at least, was something I could plan and control.

And I loved it.

Edward, however, didn't seem to find my organized way of looking at the world any fun at all, or at least if his eye-roll and grumblings about me being 'a constipated control freak' were anything to go by.

I didn't pay any attention to it, though. Not with a whole new palace to explore.

This place was a bit more…..exuberant in its interior decorating scheme, making me realize I really didn't like Baroque style _anything_ as we crossed a room so filled with gold and marble in different colors as well as a whole damn lot of fine art that it was making my head spin.

It was just…too much.

Made you wonder how people were able to live in places like these without going crazy.

But the art was amazing. So much so that it made you forget about the screaming decorations and throngs of tourist passing by as you gaped at it.

I spent a good fifteen minutes on _Bernini's_ statue of _Apollo and Daphne,_ the craftsmanship going into it as well as the way the artist had been able to make cold stone convey so much… emotion completely taking me aback.

When I was finally able to pry myself away from poor Daphne slowly morphing into a laurel tree, we rounded the corner into another room where I came face to face with a magnificent statue of a naked woman reclining on an ottoman.

"Pauline Bonaparte," Edward announced, his amusement and patience as he watched me walk around the statue to take it in from every different angle warming my heart. "Or Pauline Borghese as she was called when this sculpture was made."

"You mean Borghese as in…."

"Yeah," Edward nodded. "She was the wife of Prince Camillo Borghese as well as the sister of Napoleon who, by then, had made himself master of France and most of Europe."

"And was her husband okay with her posing," I frowned, waving over to the exposed breasts and seductive pose of the woman. "….like _that_?"

"She led a pretty scandalous life," Edward chuckled as we moved around the beautiful sculpture. "Her marriage to Camillo got off to a good start but it slowly fell to ruin when she took on a string of lovers and raised quite a few eyebrows because of her eccentric behavior."

"Typical," I huffed. "If she had been a man, I'm sure no one would have made a fuss about it."

"I don't know," I chuckled. "Using your ladies in waiting as footstools and insisting on being carried into your bath by a pair of huge African slaves seems pretty outrageous, no matter what gender you carry."

"Okay." My eyes nearly budged out my their sockets, my eyes flittering from Edward to Pauline's beautiful face as I tried to picture this serene marble figure being carried around like that. "Yeah, I can imagine that would cause a stir."

We bought a few _panini_ and some drinks and snacks off a vendor when we were through perusing the villa and retreated to the park for a picnic. After walking around for a bit we finally settled for a private little space, shielded from the sun by a few huge trees and looking out over a pretty little lake with a fake Roman temple.

"You're pretty lucky, living in a city as beautiful as this," I remarked, swallowing my last bite of food.

"I bet that, to an outsider, New York would be just as pretty and interesting as Rome is," Edward shrugged. "To me…it's everyday life. A city starts to lose its glow after you've lived there for some time."

"I guess you're right," I yawned, resting my head on my purse as I lay back, following the flight of a bunch of ducks as they flew across the pond and settled near the temple. "Though I still think this place is pretty damn special."

"It is," Edward's soft voice spoke.

It was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep.

When I woke up again, the sun was past its highest point; the big yellow orb partially obscured by the trees as I stretched like a cat, trying to expel the laziness from my body.

"Ah, you're awake." I looked in the direction of his voice to see Edward reclined against a tree, a book in his hand and his ever-present camera bag lying at his feet.

"How long was I out?" I croaked, trying to stealthily feel my head for bed-hair.

"Not that long," Edward assured me. "And hour….two at the most."

"Oh." I brushed some sense into my hair, making sure to hide my blush from view as I prayed to the gods that I hadn't been talking in my sleep.

It was the start of a very laden, uncomfortable silence.

_Say something you idiot! _My mind was screaming at me to break the silence, my hands digging into the grass beneath them as I tried to come up with something – anything – to break through it. To him it probably looked like I was trying to claw my way to China.

He seemed to be pretty much of the same mind, though, because as I finally worked up the courage to speak, so did he.

"Edward….."

"Bella…"

My cheeks felt so hot I was sure my blush would be visible from the International Space Station somewhere high up in the air, my voice coming out all wrong when I spoke again. "What did you want to say?"

"I just…..Tell me about you," he breathed, sitting back against the tree.

I lifted myself into a sitting position, folding my legs underneath my body to avoid flashing my crotch at the unsuspecting people of Rome. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything." The intensity in his voice made my heart flutter but he appeared to have been as shocked by it as I was, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed nervously. "I mean…erm….tell me about home? Your parents?"

"Okay." I shrugged, trying to stop the panic from showing on the surface. "Not that there's a lot to tell, really." At least, not if we stuck to my family.

He seemed to pick up on my nerves, his hand reaching out to brush a strand of hair out of my face as he smiled warmly. "Just tell me want you want to share."

I nodded. "So my dad…..He's the police chief in this little town called Forks and has been for as long as people can remember. He's a pretty decent guy; straight laced, never puts a foot in the wrong direction….You know the sort." I shrugged. "I kinda take after him, well, except for the freaky seventies pornstache, that is."

"And your mom?" Edward wanted to know.

I chuckled. "She's very different from him. I don't think there's a word in the English language that could quite describe the force of nature she is."

Edward smiled, leaning back against the tree, his hands folded around the back of his head. "She sounds….interesting."

"She is!" I snorted. "I think when she first arrived in town; half the people were scared shitless of her, even though she'd never hurt a fly."

"So she's not from around there?"

I shook my head. "She's from Mississippi. She only found her way to the Pacific Peninsula by accident when she and her twin sister went backpacking around the US, the summer after they graduated. I think someone in Seattle told them about a bonfire night happening at the Quileute rez nearby and they decided to check it out….."

"And they fell in love?" From the look in his eyes I was starting to wonder whether Edward, for all his bohemian toughness, maybe was just a huge romantic sap underneath it all.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Though it wasn't exactly love at first sight."

"No?"

I shrugged. "I have no doubt it probably would have been if my dad – who was still a rookie cop back then – hadn't been called in to arrest her."

"Your dad arrested your mom?" Edward snorted. "What for?"

I cringed. I should have expected that question. "Indecent exposure and trespassing on private property? She um….she and Auntie Marie figured a cool splash in a pool would be a perfect way to spend a hot summer night. Of course they forgot to ask the residents of the house if they were okay with two young girls jumping into their pool butt naked."

I smirked as Edward rolled on the floor, his face turning almost purple as he roared with laughter. "What did your dad say when he arrested her?"

"I think the usual 'you have the right to remain silent shit'," I shrugged. "My mom is adamant that he only fell for her because he saw how nice and perky her boobs were though dad insists that it was only when he was forced to spend the night at the station making small talk with mom and Aunt Marie that he first started to notice her."

"What do you think?" Edward asked, having recovered somewhat again.

I rolled my eyes. "I kinda want to believe my dad's version – if only for my own peace of mind."

"I can imagine!" Edward snickered. "So what happened next?"

"When they were released the next morning, my mom decided to stay around a little longer to 'connect' with my dad – whatever that may have meant – and I guess they hit it off because my brother was born ten months later and I three years after that."

"And they're still together?"

I nodded. "They just took me and Sam out to Hawaii for a week to celebrate their 33rd anniversary."

"Wow."

"Yeah." I shifted uncomfortable, my parents' nuptial bliss only putting my own failure in a harsher light. "So how about you?"

He shrugged. "There's even less to tell here. My dad's a GP, my mom an Elementary School teacher. They met in college, moved to suburbia, had me and ten years later my sister. That's pretty much it."

I knew better than to ask, the hard set of his shoulders and the way he avoided looking me in the eyes telling me there was more to his story than that but, whatever it was, he wasn't ready to share.

_I could respect that. I mean…it's not like I had been a completely open book myself…._

"We should be moving on," Edward scrambled after another uncomfortable lag in the conversation. "We've got one more museum on the agenda for today."

I mutely followed him, dumping the remains of our picnic in the trashcan before we made our way back to the front gates and Edward's scooter, our trip this time taking us back into Trastevere as we visited the _Villa Farnesina_, a palace decorated with some of the most beautiful frescoes I'd ever seen (not that I'd seen a lot).

As we crossed the beautiful rooms and corridors of the place, a sense of sadness and dread started to take hold of me, though, as I suddenly became very aware that this may be one of the last places me and Edward would visit; some of the last moments we got to spend together. I'd be flying out to New York tomorrow afternoon which meant that there would be very little time left to do anything but pack and prepare.

The realization that this was it made me almost cling to Edward throughout our tour of the palace, a big old lump forming in my throat as we stepped back into the fading afternoon sunlight after a very thorough exploration of the villa.

I didn't want it to end.

Even though it had to.

I didn't want to say goodbye.

Even though I must.

"I guess this is goodbye," I sighed as we lingered outside the _villa_, my feet dragging patterns on the cobbled surface of the square.

"It doesn't have to be." I looked up to see him fidgeting nervously with his cigarette, his shoulders hunched up as he spoke. "Would you like to….have dinner with me….please? I mean….if you don't have anything planned already or…._fuck_!"

I blinked. Once, twice…three times, my head frantically weighing the benefits of remaining professional against the perks of accepting his offer while Edward was pulling at his hair so hard that I was afraid he was going to go bald. "Okay." The words had left my mouth before I'd even formed a conclusion, the radiant smile on Edward's face confirming what I already knew.

This was _right_.

"I know a good place that's just around the corner," Edward beamed, looking strangely triumphant at the prospect of being stuck with me for another couple of hours.

I rolled my eyes. _Of course he did._

"It has amazing food and the atmosphere is quite unlike anywhere else in the city," he went on, guiding me in the right direction.

"Yeah, and I'm sure the same thing goes for the price," I snorted, remembering the nasty surprise that came at the back of yesterday's dinner.

"Sarcasm is not a good look on you," Edward jokingly berated me, "but just for argument's sake: where did you have dinner on your first night here? I mean, it had to be something special with the way it got your knickers in a twist."

"I don't know," I scowled. "I got lost and wandered through the streets – which, by the way don't help you out with all their bendiness and similarities – until I finally managed to get to this great big old square on my last leg."

"What did it look like?" Edward wanted to know. "Was it a big or small square? Did it have any buildings on it?"

"It had a bunch of fountains," I shrugged. "Rather big ones too. They looked kind of familiar, like they'd been in some kind of movie or something….. And I think there may have been a church but I don't think that will help out since there seems to be a church at every street corner over here."

Edward snort probably didn't have anything to do with my remark about the density in churches around the city. "Looks like your bad luck had you end up at the _Piazza Navona_, famous for its outrageous food prices."

I sighed. "Of course." With my luck it was only natural that I'd done just that.

"It's a good thing I know my way around here, though," he smiled, making me wobble on my legs with the aftereffects. "We're here."

"Are you sure this is a restaurant?" I asked as we walked up to the solid, windowless wall, its monotony only broken by an equally sturdy looking door. There was nothing about this place that hinted at the availability of food inside, that was….unless you were invited or living there.

"Trust me," Edward snickered as his long fingers wrapped around the handle (up at that point I was starting to wonder whether or not he was doing stuff with his fingers in plain view just to taunt me). "I know what I'm doing here."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure you do."

"Isabella," he pouted, making it very hard for me to remain skeptical. "In the many hours you've known me, have I ever steered you wrong?"

"Just open the damned door," I huffed, turning my attention to the door which, after Edward applied some pressure, swung open to reveal something of a secret garden, tucked away in the middle of the hustle and bustle of town.

"Am I right about this place or not?" Edward chuckled as I took in the beautiful private garden, lined on three sides by fragrant pink and white bougainvillea's with fairy lights hanging from their branches and over our heads to illuminate the cozy tables covered by crisp damask that were scattered around the cobblestone yard.

"You're right,' I muttered as laughter rose up from a table somewhere near the back, the sound of happy people eating what – by the smells of it – I assumed to be good food filled the air. "This place is something else."

"It's _Trastevere's_ best kept secret," he chuckled. "I only know of it because my flat mate's girlfriend use to waitress here."

He must have been a regular himself judging from the way the headwaiter greeted him like an old friend, the two of them schmoozing together in Italian while sneaking sideways glances at me before the man seated us at a quiet table to the back and helped me get seated.

"_Lei è bellissima, il mio amico,"_ he called out to Edward as he winked at me. "_Vorrei tenere a lei, se fossi in te."_

Edward chuckled. _"Fidati di me. Ho intenzione di fare proprio questo." _

"_Ti farò sapere Carmella,"_ our waiter chuckled, as on his signal a young man arrived carrying bread and red wine. _"Lei vuole fare qualcosa di speciale per impressionare i vostri amica." _

"_Grazie mille,"_ Edward beamed as I nodded for the waiter to fill my glass. At least that one I could understand. He was thanking the guy. But for what?

"So," I demanded as soon as both our waiters had left, "care to let me know what the two of you were discussing right now?"

Edward smiled, tiny sparks twinkling in his eyes as the tips of his fingers caressed the glass. "He was merely complimenting me on my taste."

"Yeah, right," I snorted. "But in the meantime he could have brought us a menu..."

"That's not how it works around here," Edward answered. "At least...not for us."

I frowned. "What do you mean?" As much as I loved Italian cuisine and had grown up with an almost reverential respect and regard for it, I also knew that there were several dishes I'd much rather steer clear of. Dishes, like _tripa_ for instance, that involved stuff I would only feed my dog.

"Don't worry, Bella." He smiled at my slightly panicked look, patting my hand in reassurance. "They know you're American."

I wasn't quite sure if that was meant to be a compliment or not.

It had to be said, though: dinner was amazing. The dishes put in front of us were amongst the best food I'd ever tasted, making me eat until I was pretty sure I was close to bursting at the seams.

And then they brought dessert.

But the best thing about this meal was the company. As we ate, we talked about a million and one things, often finding out that different though we may have been, we actually held a lot of similar thoughts about the world and the people inhabiting it.

"What brought you to Rome?" I asked, digging my spoon into a beautiful desert of _panna cotta _surrounded by fruits of the forest.

Edward shrugged. "I was curious. A friend from back when I was still living in Berlin told me about this place and from what he told me I figured I had to come check it out."

I mulled on that for a few minutes. "Berlin?"

"It has one of the best underground art scenes in Europe at the moment."

"Right," I nodded. "But you're English, right?"

He nodded. "Born and raised in London."

I cocked my head studying Edward's face as if it held the answer to the enigma he presented me with. "Then what made you go to Berlin?"

"I wanted to break free from my pampered middle class upbringing," he shrugged, "besides…..my art school teachers always criticized the lack of experience in the 'real world' that shone through in my work so when I graduated three years ago, I figured it was about time I fix that."

"By moving to Berlin," I stated.

"Paris, actually," he chuckled, probably sensing how foreign that concept must look to me; prototype Plain Jane who never put a foot wrong and who was still riling from her completely uncharacteristic decision to move to New York three years ago.

"Paris?"

"I went there first, seeing it was close to home and filled to the brim with art. From there….everything just evolved. I don't have some kind of master plan or anything. I just stay in one place until I grow tired of it and move on to another."

"How old are you anyway?" I wanted to know next. For a guy who'd traveled as much as he did, he didn't look that old to me.

He shrugged. "Twenty five. You?"

I gulped. Oh my God, I was falling in love with a friggin' baby. What did that make me? A pedophile? I somehow managed to squeeze out an answer in between freaking out. "I just turned thirty one a week ago."

He nodded, not as floored by the huge age gap between us as he raised his glass. "Congrats."

"Don't you miss home?" I asked, trying to steer the conversation back into safer waters. because God knew I did. As much as I loved living in New York, there were times that I missed my family and my old friends so much that I found myself looking into a move back to Washington. _That was….until I remembered who also lived there. _

"Sometimes," he shrugged, "but not enough to go back. Most of my friends from art school have moved on anyway and me and my parents…..we talk enough over the phone."

He smiled, already sensing my next question. "They're not exactly thrilled with some of the choices I've made in life but as long as I don't do anything stupid or end up in some kind of crack haunt shooting heroine into my eyeballs, they're kind of okay with it. Or at least, they are going to have to be because I'm not changing a bloody thing on their account." I had the feeling there was more to it than that….the same feeling I'd had in the park earlier that day.

Sensing his discomfort I decided to change the subject. "So you studied photography?"

He nodded. "I had this dream of becoming an artist….an art photographer like Ansel Adams or Anton Corbijn…working with light and shadow and doing all these really cool, new things but then again…..A guy's got to do something to pay the bills."

"Which is why you work for the tourist office," I finished, knowing a glossy magazine was probably the last place he wanted to be working at.

"Nah, that was just Angela taking pity on a poor, underfed little English chap," Edward chuckled, his nimbly fingers flaying with a small piece of bread. "Besides….taking pictures of this city isn't that bad, especially not when you get the real treat of being able to show a gorgeous American woman around town."

I blushed furiously, hiding my face behind my hair as his words warmed me from the inside.

He must have noticed my discomfort because he quickly changed the subject. "I do a few other odd jobs here and there as well…a bit of fashion photography, some commissioned portraits, weddings when I'm really hard up….you know…..whatever pays the rent. Besides….I get paid to travel all around Europe. Who could object to that?"

"Don't you ever want a normal life?" I'd blurted out the words before I could even stop to thinking about how Edward might find them insulting, the realization of what I'd just accused him of making me break out in a fierce blush. "I mean…."

"I know what you mean," he smiled warmly, his foot reassuringly nudging mine under the table. "And no, I don't. I'm young, free and love to travel. Why on earth should I want to tie myself down?"

Even in spite of all his reassurances there was a hint of aggravation in his voice that made me nervous. "I'm sorry," I stammered. "It wasn't my place….."

"Why not?" he interrupted me. "But if you still feel so bent out of shape for asking a question that might make me feel uncomfortable…how about evening the score?"

I arched my brow, not knowing what the hell he was going on about until he went on. "What turned you into such a control freak?"

That was the second time that night I almost choked on something, my body hiccoughing to try and get around the spoonful of _panna cotta_ that had slid down the wrong way. "W-what?"

He laughed freely as he leaned forward to pat my back. "The lists….the look of panic when things don't go according to those lists…..It kind of makes me want to know if you were born that way or if something happened to turn you into it."

I shrugged, playing with the small puddle of dessert still left on my plate. I knew it was time right now to match his honesty. "I grew up never having any kind of control about my life and, to be honest, never really wanting to take control either."

I smiled at his look of confusion. "I guess that's what happens when you're the daughter of a police chief. I grew up listening to so many stories about what happened in 'the real world' that I lost my desire to be a part of it."

I didn't even dare looking up, knowing he would probably think I was a freak or a coward. "Even when I went to college, I picked the one closest to home because it was safe and because my brother and my boyfriend both went there."

My smile was bitter as I thought about those days. How protected I'd felt, how happy to be looked after and kept safe by the people I trusted more than anything in my life. "Kind of foolish, come to think of it, since my boyfriend was the one who broke my heart."

I finally put my spoon down, my eyes misting with tears as I thought back on those dark days just after my whole world had fallen to pieces.

Edward's hand was on mine, stilling the tremor of emotion that course through my vein and replacing it with something else….something good. "Tell me…." He insisted. "If you want."

I shrugged, using my free hand to wipe away the tears. "We married as soon as we were both done with college and moved back to Forks – the small town on the Olympic Peninsula we both grew up in – where he took over the family business and I got a part-time job as an editor at the local newspaper. I thought I had it all…. I was the clichéd clueless little small-town wifey who though the sun shone out of her husband's ass until the day she found him trapped in a storage room, balls deep inside the barely legal check out girl he was supposed to be 'showing the ropes' that day. Turns out he had a very different view of what that entailed than I did."

"That's terrible." I looked up in surprise at the raw anger mixed with friendship and compassion that spoke from his voice, his hand trembling with restrained anger on top of mine.

I sighed. "I lived through it and I guess I learned my lesson."

"It must have been hard for you," he muttered in a low voice.

"It was," I admitted. "Forks is a small town and word gets around but for the most part my family and I were just incredibly pissed off." I couldn't help but snicker when I thought about how my family had my back for the full hundred percent, my dad coming down on the Newtons like a ton of bricks as he pulled every trick in the book to have the police invading their store on the lookout for some violation of the law while my brother and mother set to work on the local gossips, making sure public opinion favored me. "Didn't help that he kept on blaming me."

"Blaming you?" For a moment I thought I could see steam come from his ears as Edward fumed over a guy he never even met.

"According to him it had been my complete and utter failure as a wife and companion that had driven him into the arms of 'more willing women'." I snorted. "He made such an ass out of himself at our divorce hearings that I almost started to feel sorry for the guy."

"I wouldn't," Edward grumbled.

I chuckled. "I said _almost_, didn't I? Anyway, I made sure we _both_ got what we deserved; me a fair compensation for all those years I'd spent jumping through hoops to give him everything he wanted, he his precious freedom back."

"And you made a new start in a new town," Edward guessed.

I nodded. "I figured it was time to take control of my life and when a job at _Epicenter_ came up…..It was the one chance I got to make something out of myself even if I did have to take a huge leap of faith and step out of my comfort zone."

"And you took it."

"Yeah," I smiled proudly. "I did. It scared the crap out of me, though….still does."

"Which is why you want to take as much control over your life as you can, so you won't ever feel as lost as you did back then again."

I gasped, looking up at him. "Am I that easy to read?"

"No." Edward chuckled. "Quite the opposite, really."

His remark set the tone for a much lighter conversation as I found myself dragging out the last bites of my dessert and finishing the last of my wine because I knew that when I did, it would be time to say goodbye.

In the end, I was only prolonging the inevitable and soon – too soon – I found myself sitting on the back of Edward's scooter again, this time holding on to him not so much for dear life as opposed to for dear love.

The city was beautiful at night, its sights illuminated against the night sky that also conveniently covered its blemishes. Even the _Trevi Fountain_ looked more beautiful than it had that morning, the game of shadow and light cloaking it in a mysterious haze that brought out its beauty.

"Strange." I hadn't realized I'd spoken out loud until Edward – who'd demanded to walk me safely to the door of my hotel – looked at me as if I'd lost my mind. "It's like it fits the square better now that everything around it is dark."

"Hmm," he mused, taking a step back as he let my words set in. "I see what you mean."

"Plus, with the way the light shines on it, the overkill in masonry doesn't hit you quite as hard as it does in the daytime," I added. "It looks almost…..pretty. I still don't understand why people are throwing money into the water though." I frowned, watching as a whole family lined of to throw coins over their shoulder, all of them smiling and looking as if it were the most normal thing in the world to throw good money away.

"It's a myth," Edward chuckled. "If you throw a coin over your left shoulder with your right hand while standing with your back to the fountain and it lands in the water, you'll be sure to return to Rome one day."

I snorted. "Do people actually believe that crap?"

"I don't know," he laughed, "but I do know that it provides the city with a nice bit of extra income."

"Hmm," I sighed, the atmosphere around us calm and peaceful yet still vibrant and alive with….something. "I can imagine why people would want to return…."

"Are you falling in love yet?" I looked up in confusion, my heart beating a little bit faster in my chest until he added, "w-with the city, I mean." He looked kind of nervous, his hands digging into his hair as he smiled before looking away from me.

I smiled, returning my eyes to the intricate dance of shadow and light in front of me. "I guess I am."

His hand squeezed mine, a great warmth spreading all through my body from the place where our palms were linked. "Good."

"Thank you," I breathed, fumbling with the bottom button of my blouse, "for opening my eyes."

"My pleasure." His hand ghosted along my arms, his finders hovering over my skin without ever touching it. It made the air between us seem to come alive with a strange kind of electricity; an intensity that felt like it was bigger than me….bigger than both of us.

It made me forget everything…my job, our numbered days….the people surrounding us.

"You feel it too, don't you" he breathed, his eyes fixed on his hands as they continued their descent.

I bit my lip, my body trembling as I felt more exposed and more vulnerable than I ever had in my entire life. "It scares me."

"Why?" Edward's face was so close to mine that I could almost taste him on my lips.

I chuckled nervously, though in spite of my fear I still moved closer, our bodies now almost flush against each other. "Isn't that obvious?"

"Live a little, Bella," he whispered before his lips brushed against mine ….once…. twice…. three times, before they lingered in what could possibly be the sweetest kiss I'd ever received in my life.

I whimpered, my hands fisting in his hair as I felt the tip of his tongue lick my lips, silently and gently asking permission to enter; permission I was only too happy to grant.

"Bella," he whispered against my lips, his voice trailing off into a guttural groan as he pressed his lips against mine again in a renewed force, his arms closing around me as if he had any doubt in his mind that I was already his. Like he was afraid I was going to run away from him…..

_Foolish boy!_

When we finally parted, gasping for air I knew that any foolish notion I might have entertained about keeping my professional distance from this man had just blown out of the window.

_I wanted him. _

_So much. _

"What are you thinking about right now?" he asked, his fingers gliding along the tense muscles of my shoulders.

"I'm thinking…." I took a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts into coherent words. "I'm thinking that if I was _that_ kind of girl, I would invite you up to my room right now….." _And boy, had I ever loathed not being that kind of girl more than right now? I think not. What good were morals and proper dating etiquette when I had an impossibly hot man pressed up against me but still seemed determined to cockblock myself?_

He chuckled, his index finger tipping my face up. "And if I'd been _that_ kind of guy, I would have loved to take you up on that invitation." He kissed me; chastely, sweetly. "But I'm not, if that's what you wanted to know."

"Pity." I laughed nervously and kind of like a hyena. "I kinda wish you were."

He chuckled, his hand playing with a strand of my hair as his face slowly turned more serious. "What you need right now is romance….adoration….. A man who will treat you like a princess and allow you to rebuild your confidence – the real one, mind you, not the fake stuff you get from being a complete control freak – not some frenzied deadline fuck. No matter how much we both may want it right now….." If I wasn't mistaken, his voice was laced with the slightest hint of regret. Did he really want this – _me_ – as much as I did? Would he go to bed tonight wondering what it would be like if we were _those_ kinds of people – like I would?

Or was it all just an act?

A farce, just like my life with Mike had been?

I swallowed hard, an embarrassing little whimper leaving my lips as my heart pounded in my chest as I tried – and failed – to get my lips to form actual words instead of open and close mutely like a fish on dry land.

"Good night, sweet Isabella." The smile he gave me had me melting into a puddle of goo at his feet as he brought my hand to his lips.

"Good night, Edward." And just like that he walked away from me, leaving me baffled and slightly disappointed on the doorstep of my hotel. Was it because he was so…..gentlemanly?

_Come on, Bella! _

_Wasn't that exactly what you wanted? _

_Yeah, but I kinda wanted to get fucked senseless as well, deadline or not. _

I rolled my eyes at my own hypocrisy, my lips pleasurably stinging from the kisses we'd shared as I made it up to my bedroom, even more determined to take Edward's advice from earlier tonight to heart.

From now on, I was going to live….a little.

I was buzzing with excitement as I brushed my teeth, feeling alive and powerful for the first time in years - hell, for the first time in my life! I was finally ready to turn the page on my failed marriage and my struggle to find myself amongst the ruins of it.

From now on I was going to be _me_, and to hell with those who didn't like it.

A few hours later – and many failed attempts at going to sleep under my belt – I snuck out of my hotel room clad in only my pajamas and a bulky, oversized hoodie but more determination that I ever imagined I possessed.

And so at three in the morning I – Isabella Swan, normally of sound mind and sober body – turned her back on that damned piece of Baroque sculpting and with a huge smile on my face flicked a dollar coin over my left shoulder with my right hand.

Because as much as I'd left my planning, control-freak self behind…..

It was still better to be safe than sorry.

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_**Thoughts?**_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	5. The Eternal City pt4

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**This story wouldn't be what it is without my wonderful beta, **_**The Real Teacher**_**, holding my hand and correcting my many errors. Thank you so much!**_

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_**Pctures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. The link is on my profile page. **_

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**Chapter 5 – The Eternal City**

_**Or how the dream gave way to harsh reality.**_

Bella Swan was the most dangerous creature in the universe.

Of that much I was certain as I made my way back to my Vespa, my mind still reeling from what had just happened at that square.

I'd kissed her.

I'd kissed Bella Swan.

I'd kissed Bella Swan and walked away.

Hmmm, something didn't seem right about that…

The thing was….this wasn't what I usually did. I wasn't the kind of guy who wooed and walked away. My mom and dad might have raised me with some excellent morals and high standards when it came to treating women – in fact, my dad had always taught me that if I didn't want some guy to do the same thing to my little sister, I shouldn't even think about doing it to my date – but that didn't mean that I was prime relationship material.

On the contrary. Entering into a relationship was just about the last thing on my mind right now.

Or it should be.

It would ruin everything, least of all Bella's already frail state of mind.

I would ruin her.

I was bad for her and – what's more – starting tomorrow we would both be living on opposite ends of the globe. If that wasn't a relationship killer then I didn't know what was.

And even if she had been living just down the street from me, we wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell at making this – whatever it was that we had between the two of us – work. She was just about the polar opposite from me in every aspect of her being. She was pure and unspoiled; the picture of a woman who knew what she wanted in life and had a plan to make that happen. The kind of person who wanted stability and protection; a house, a wedding, a baby in the cradle….maybe even a fucking Golden Retriever stinking up the place.

She was organized, put together, when I didn't even know what the hell tomorrow would bring and if I'd have enough bloody money to put gas in the tank of my Vespa.

I groaned, pushing my helmet over my head and revving up the engine of my scooter before tearing out of the street.

There was no way in hell I could ever give her what she needed…not even if I wanted to.

The only service I could do her was to make her remaining hours in Rome as pleasant as I could and then walk away, leaving her to find a guy who could.

Yeah, that was it.

I had to get over this and back off before it was too late.

It was the right thing.

The only good thing.

The question was…..how on earth did I do that without hurting her in the process.

By the time I made it back to my apartment the place was already buzzing with activity, Liam and his girl meeting me out by the front door to announce that they'd taken a few of their mates back with them after a meet up at the local boozer.

"Didn't you just do that last night?" I snorted, taking the bottle of _Stella_ he offered me and twisting the cap off.

Liam shrugged, looking at his girl as if to confirm that I had indeed lost my mind. "You can never have too much fun with your mates, right?"

I rolled my eyes, shrugging in defeat. "I guess not."

"Cheer up, Eddikins," Liam chuckled, his hand slamming down on my shoulder as he shoved me into the house. "I made sure your bedroom door was locked before I invited them over. There's going to be no funny business between your sheets unless you'll be the one to instigate it."

I shook my head, remembering a time when Liam hadn't been so considerate and I'd returned home after a hard day of shooting wedding pictures only to find a couple in my bed, fucking as if their lives depended on it. "Thanks, I guess."

"That reminds me…where's that hot little piece of ass you brought over yesterday?" Liam cocked his head to the side, narrowing his eyes as they zones in on me. "Did you dump her already? Because if you did….."

He didn't have time to finish his sentence before I'd shoved him into the wall, the sound of my beer bottle smashing into smithereens on the stone floor alerting some of the freeloaders in the other room as my hand wrapped around Liam's throat. "You keep Bella out of this!" I growled, my body trembling with a barely concealed rage.

_How dare he?_ My blood was pulsing through my veins, there was a white-hot sheen of rage over my eyes as my hand squeezed his windpipe, my nostrils flaring as I sneered at his shocked and frightened face.

I wanted to kill him for talking about her that way. As if she was just another one of those floozies who walked around our house all the time, screwing everything with a dick.

A hand attached to an invisible body pulled me away, my body smashing against the opposite wall of the hallway as I watched Liam clutch his throat, his face purple as he gasped for air.

For a moment we just looked at each other from opposite ends of the room, his eyes wide with anger and confusion while I remained torn between rage and fear. Then the whole room around us exploded; people running towards the scene to find out what was going on and if they could do something to help.

"_Tesoro_!" Gianna was back in a heartbeat, her body wrapping itself around Liam as he slumped against the walls. 'Are you alright, baby?"

"I'm fine," he wheezed, his eyes finally leaving mine to reassure his girlfriend.

She then turned to me, her large brown eyes ablaze with fire. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Cullen?"

Good question.

What the hell was wrong with me?

"The hell if I know!" I roared, to her and everyone else as much as to myself, my body pushing away from the wall and bolting out the door before my mind could even catch up.

"The hell if I know." My voice slowed to a whisper, the cool air of the Roman September night calming my senses as I started to walk, my feet bringing me almost automatically to the river Tiber.

I sighed, leaning my elbows on the embankment wall as my lips wrapped around a cigarette my hands had automatically produced from my pants pocket, the smoke blowing over the water as I exhaled.

What just happened?

I had never known myself as a violent kind of person. Violence had no place in my upbringing – my parents both being of the persuasion that books and education were better means to bring peace and democracy to the world than arms and violence – not in my circle of friends. Us bohemians were generally more pleased to make love than war.

And God knew we did a whole fucking lot – or a whole lot of fucking – of that.

But if it hadn't been habit, then what had it been that set me off like that, making me attack my friend and roommate like some rabid dog?

If I'd had my own best interests at heart, I would have slapped Liam on the back after he'd finished his crass remark about Bella, finished my beer and hunted the room for a pretty girl to spend the night with and expel all thoughts of Bella.

But I didn't.

It was the thought of a random nameless, faceless man having his hands on my Bella that had ignited a rage inside of me that I'd never experienced before; Liam's crass remarks only fuelling the fire as a horror image of Bella – a looser, more bohemian version of the woman I had come to know – finding her way into my circle of friends, sharing stories, beers, cigarettes….bodily fluids took up post in my mind.

I growled low in my chest, my nails scraping against the relentless stone as I breathed through another onset of rage.

No, she would never be like that. It would destroy everything about her that made her stand out against the rest of the women in this town; her sweet, unspoiled and almost ethereal beauty and way of looking at the world would remain safe if I had any say in it.

I would not be the one to taint her or allow her to be tainted by the life I'd made my own.

I walked for what might have been minutes or could have been hours, the peace of the city veiled in nocturnal darkness and the monotony of my movements calming me down and fixing my resolve.

I even managed to take a few pictures, only noticing my ever present camera bag was still hanging from my shoulder when I stumbled across a beautiful marble statue near the embankment, the frail female nude looking out over the city with a haughtiness that belied her vulnerable position.

"Perfect," I muttered, my eyes squinting as I adjusted the light and zoom to enhance the composition, my lens following the line from the large marble eyes as they gazed out over the water and the metropolis on the other side.

I knew I was onto a winner here.

Still, it didn't make me feel any better than I had before.

I felt lost; stuck at a crossroads in my life and with no way of knowing what was the right direction to go.

Knowing I wasn't going to get any work done with the state I was in (at least….not any kind of work that was going to be worth a damn) I set off walking again, my feet carrying me along the river _Tiber_, past the _Tiber Island_ and the bend in the river until the _Castel Sant' Angelo_ doomed up in front of me; a huge mass of stone and ancient history bathing in light as it guarded the boundary between the city and the _Vatican_.

I sighed, finally coming to a halt on the bridge in front of it, my eyes automatically searching for a good picture as I lit up a cigarette as a watched a pair of lovers cross from one side of the city to the other, their arms wrapped around each other as they stumble onwards, completely lost in their own little world.

I felt an odd sense of longing….almost jealousy as I watched them go, my frustration finding an outlet as I stomped out the bud of my cigarette on the cobbled pavement of the bridge.

"Fuck," I grumbled, narrowing my eyes as the annoying lovebirds slipped out of view, forcing my body into the opposite direction it wanted to take.

What the hell was wrong with me?

There'd be nothing gained from sneaking back to the _Piazza Trevi_ to hide out underneath Bella's window like some lovesick teenager or creepy stalker.

Only heartbreak….or rejection.

And frankly, I wasn't sure if I could handle any more rejection before I'd lose my mind.

On that note I made my way back home, breathing a sigh of relief when I found the flat quiet and empty and Liam's door firmly closed when I got in, only the empty beer bottles and the smudge on the wall where I'd pushed Liam up against it reminding me of what had happened a few hours ago.

My room was empty – too empty – when I entered it, the ratty curtains billowing as I opened the door, a cooling draft passing through the stale air as I made my way in.

I grabbed a bottle of scotch from the cabinet, settling down on the sofa knowing there would be no point in going to bed right now; not with the way I was all riled up and thinking of _her_.

_Fuck!_ I took a huge gulp of whiskey, blinking rapidly as the alcohol burned through my throat. _Out of all the times I could have fallen for a woman I had to go and pick this one – the only time in my life where a relationship would seriously screw things up._

I cringed, bringing the bottle to my lips again as I tried to remember where I'd tossed my cigarettes because fuck me if I didn't need a smoke right now.

I found the packet, crumpled from traveling all over the city in the back pocket of my pants, lying next to an empty candy wrapper.

_Bella._

I couldn't stop a smile from forming on my lips even if I wanted to, remembering how Bella's full, deep pink lips had wrapped around the tip of a Cadbury Cream egg I'd managed to dig up from somewhere, the small moan as the sweet, sugary goodness melted in her mouth making my cock twitch in my pants.

I'd been staring at her like some kind of sick pervert as she finished her candy, wanting nothing more than to throw her down and fuck her until her eyes crossed.

Which was why I was all wrong for her.

I'd said it myself, only a few hours before: Bella needed to be wooed by some kind of gentle, patient man who could give her the space and time she needed to come into her own again, not some sick horn dog who daydreamed about what she would taste like if he went down on her.

As if falling for someone at the worst time wasn't enough, I had to go and fall for the one woman – out of all the pretty, available girls in town – who would be better off staying well enough away from me.

_Fuck my life…._

I grabbed my laptop, hoping a bit of work would get my mind off the whirlwind of emotions that was raging inside of me and for a sweet, calm moment, it even worked. Setting to work, uploading the pictures I'd shot to day, my mind was focused on sorting through the frames; trashing the stuff that wasn't up to scratch and divvying up the rest into separate folders – 'bang on', 'needs work' and 'needs a butt load of work' – as I went through one cigarette after the other.

It was okay, as long as I didn't have to focus on what was on the pictures. As soon as I did, though, I realized I was back to square one.

She was everywhere; in my film, in the memories of her sitting beside me on the sofa….the almost kiss, the kiss that did happen. Hell, if I took a deep breath I may even be able to sniff her sweet feminine scent in the air!

She was under my skin.

I sighed, rubbing my tired eyes as I lit what may have been the millionth cigarette of the night. "This bloody well complicates things."

I leaned back, a groan escaping my lips on the exhale as my eyes went back to the screen. _Bella Swan sleeping in the green grass of the Borghese gardens._

She looked so sweet, so peaceful, so…._everything_; the very things that endeared and bound her to me also pushing me away from her.

She was driving me mad, though I didn't know with _what_.

"God, woman," I growled, taking a large pull from my bottle of whiskey. "If only I knew how to quit you! We'd both be so much better off!"

**oOo**

When I went on my way back to her again, I was no closer to finding out which way was the right way to go than I had been last night, reason and desire pulling me into different directions every step of the way.

It was doing my bloody head in.

Of course, Bella didn't help at all, being all sweet and adorable in her light blue t-shirt, khaki pants and locks of hair falling free from her ponytail and sticking to her lips as she walked towards me; hesitantly and with a nervous smile on her face.

"Hey." She was the first one to speak, her voice laced with that same hesitance and wariness that laced her features.

And just like that all of my earnest resolve flew out of the window. They'd been hanging by a thread anyway, from the moment I'd set eyes on her.

Bella Swan really was the most dangerous creature on the planet.

As well as the most beautiful one.

I tried to tell myself that it was merely the strange spell she held me under that made me lean in for a chaste kiss, the mob around us keeping me from letting this go out of hand (though God knew that if the square had been deserted I would have thrown her down on the cold marble and fucked Bella's sweet little brains out right in front of the Trevi Fountain), my lips briefly touching hers before I pulled back. "Hey."

_What the fuck, Cullen? _

'_Hey'?_

_What are you? Twelve years old?_

_Why don't you hand in your balls and call yourself Edwina before the 'man committee' sends some kind of mountain man to come and claim them?_

_For crying out loud, man! Bella Swan isn't the first pretty girl that ever crossed your path and, after you see her on her merry way again later today, she most probably won't be the last. _

_This is just work, anyway._

_Nothing more._

_Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Cullen, and God knows maybe someday you'll even start to believe that load of crap. _

I somehow managed to pull myself together again before Bella caught on to my inner discussion, her face looking slightly flustered as she blinked furiously against the light of the sun, streaming in from over the rooftops.

"So." I blurted out, scratching the back of my head as I tried to swallow past the lump that had formed in my throat. "Ready for a final spot of sightseeing?"

She smiled back, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth as she fidgeted with the strap of her purse. "Yeah…..I think so."

At some point during dinner last night, Bella had expressed a desire to see the catacombs. They hadn't been on that bloody list of hers, because she was convinced that they were too far out of the way to include in her tour of the city, but she mentioned reading about them in one of the books she'd brought along and was wondering if we could still squeeze them in before her flight back to the States.

Of course, obliging young lad that I was, I immediately promised to make that happen.

Which was why, five minutes later, we were flying down the roads again, the wind in our hair (or what could peek out from underneath our helmets) and Bella's arms wrapped firmly around my chest as we drove past the _Colosseum_ and the _Baths of Caracalla_ and on towards the _Porta San Sebastiano_ and the old boundary between the city and the country side, the border also marking the edge between the nice, smooth twentieth century roads and the cobbled, so-uneven-my-bloody-piss-is-shaken-into-whipped-cream Roman roads.

I didn't know how those bloody Romans survived, traveling across roads like those. They must have had carts with the suspension of a four wheel drive or they would have dropped dead by the road side before they'd even cleared the city limits. _Hmmm, that might explain why the _Via Appia_, the road we were jostling along right that moment, was bordered on each side by ancient Roman gravestones. Burial traditions be damned! Those were just the poor schmucks trying to get to and from the city on those god-awful roads!_

"We're here." _Thank God_. I chuckled at my own relief, hopping off my scooter and helping Bella down as we pulled up in front of the catacombs of _San Callisto_, an ancient burial site used by the first Christians of Rome when their beliefs was still forbidden and they were forced to go underground – literally – to practice their beliefs and bury their dead.

"Thank God!" I snickered as I watched Bella walk around stiffly. "I was beginning to regret my decision to visit this place for a minute!"

Her objections to the place were soon forgotten, though, as we descended into the catacombs, our guide leading us around endless passages filled with square scorings that used to house the dead.

Not that I noticed any of it.

My mind was firmly fixed on Bella.

Being with her….sharing this with her, it was so easy to get caught up in her again; her sweetness and enthusiasm so infectious and endearing that I couldn't help but be caught by it.

Really? Who could resist the call of this siren?

She was like the Lorelei, drawing poor, unsuspecting sailors in with her beautiful songs before letting them crash on the rocks.

"To think that all of this has been here for ages," Bella whispered, her eyes raking over the layers and layers of graves, now empty of their former occupants, stacked up on top of one another sometimes as far as ten stories high.

I smiled, grabbing her arm before she could trip over a bit of rock sticking out from the floor. "It makes everything else seem bloody insignificant, doesn't it?"

She nodded, blushing as she steadied herself again, her arm unwittingly brushing against the front of my jeans.

I grimaced, trying my damndest to keep myself from pitching a tent right in the middle of fucking holy ground but Bella's fine behind, visible as she climbed the steps to a higher level, didn't help a bit.

Nope, not at all.

"Thanks for taking me," Bella smiled as we emerged again, both of us squinting against the bright daylight. "I had a lovely time."

I chuckled, finding her choice of words a bit strange. After all, how many people would pick the word 'lovely' to describe a visit to a graveyard? But then again, visiting a gravesite with Bella Swan really did make the whole experience lovely. "Yeah, it was."

"Can I buy you lunch….or….brunch or something?" she blurted out, blushing deeply as the words fell from her lips. "I mean….I still; have some time and I could eat something before I get on the plane and…"

"That would be lovely," I was quick to reply, giving myself another mental eye roll at the usage of the word 'lovely'. "I mean…..a guy's got to eat, right? I'm paying, though."

"We'll see about that." She narrowed her eyes at me but took my hand when I offered, allowing me to guide her back to my Vespa without the risk of having her trip over rocks, leaves or her own two feet on her way back (or so I kept telling myself).

I took Bella back to the city for lunch, partly because I knew that traveling back over that god-awful Roman road with a full stomach was going to turn into a complete barf-o-rama and partly because I knew that Bella would feel better being closer to her hotel.

"You're taking me back to our spot?" Bella beamed, her hand ghosting over mine as we walked to the same street vendor in front of the _Colosseum_ as we'd visited on Monday, her first day in the city.

"Almost," I smiled, turning my palm towards her, our fingers entwining as if they'd been doing that since forever. "I was thinking that maybe we could have lunch in the park today. It's another favorite hangout of mine."

"Show me." I had to smile at her enthusiasm and her eagerness to find new spots and learn more about the city.

And still she was doubting her ability to become a travel journalist!

We settled on a bench in the _Parco di Trajano_, enjoying the spectacular view of the Coliseum and the city behind us as we ate our food and talked about small, insignificant stuff while the seconds ticked away.

"Something wrong?" I asked, noticing she was looking at her watch again.

She shook her head. "Just checking the time. I arranged for the car service to pick me up in front of the hotel at three so we have just about an hour before we have to get back again, right?"

I looked away, knowing her well enough to know that she'd look back at me with those sweet, brown eyes for confirmation.

I didn't want her to see me.

Not right now.

Not with the look I was probably sporting if the outside betrayed even a hint of the stuff that was going on inside.

It was stupid, really, to feel this way when I knew bloody well that she was leaving in a couple of hours.

It only proved what I'd known all along but what my stupid, lovesick side had tried to quench: _this_ had no future.

_Time was running out. _

"That sounds about right," I muttered, kicking at a few pebbles while looking anywhere but at her, using the pebbles as an excuse to shift my body away from her.

"This is nice, though," Bella mused, looking out at the ancient skyline in front of her. "I'm really going to miss this when I get back to New York.

"I'm sure your editor in chief will send you off to a whole score of cities nicer than this one. You'll soon forget all about Rome." I shrugged, sparking up another cigarette as I lay back, shielding my eyes with my sunglasses. _You'll forget all about me._ "Besides…..New York has some old stuff too."

We fell silent after that, a thick layer of 'awkward' taking up the space in between the two of us as we both pretended not to notice the metaphorical elephant in the room (or park) twirling around us in pirouettes while we both stubbornly avoided looking at it.

Finally, it was Bella who broke the silence.

"Is something wrong?" She looked adorable, if not a little sad and worried, as her huge chocolate eyes scrutinized my face.

I shrugged, trying to downplay it. "Nah. I'm okay."

"You just look a little….off….to me," Bella persisted, nervously biting her lip as she ran her hands up and down the grass next to her legs.

Another shrug. "I have a lot on my mind."

"Care to share?" I should have known better than to think Bella would back off with a simple and unsatisfying answer like the one I'd just fed her, though I had to admit that her persistence was starting to get a tad annoying.

I sighed. "I've got a couple of gigs in Rome coming up as well as a wedding in Florence. I'm just trying to do the math in my head….you know? Working them all into a time scheme."

"A wedding?" Bella's eyes lit up. "That must be so much fun!"

I cringed. "Not really."

"No?" She looked almost disappointed, her cuteness enhanced by the puzzled look on her face as she turned to me, lowering her sunglasses. "Why not?"

I snorted. "Where do I start…..Ah yes. You'll have to get up before dawn because nine times out of ten the family will want you to document the complete transformation of the bride and – quite often – her extended family as they run around the house like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off while trying to push bodies that are too large into dresses that are at least two sizes too small. So by the time the actual wedding starts the bride will be reduced to a hysterical nervous wreck and I'd have been yelled at in at least two different languages for not doing my job the way I should."

"Ouch!" Bella chuckled.

"Yeah," I nodded. "So then we get to the actual ceremony where I'm supposed to document every single little word and sniffle without being seen or heard – which is well neigh impossible – and the official pictures of the wedding party where there's always one person looking the wrong way or screaming bloody murder because they had snot hanging out of their nose or a finger poking in their ear when I took the picture. And did I mention that some of those women – and even a few of the men on occasion – get pretty grabby once there's alcohol involved?"

I turned towards her, squinting against the light as I watched her cringe a little at my words, her cheeks flaming up as she imagined God only knew what. "I think I get the picture."

"So now you know why I don't like doing weddings," I shrugged. "It's definitely one of those jobs that 'pays the bills'" And God knew I'd need a few more of those because I was pretty sure Liam was going to chuck me out after last night's antics.

Too bad. I'd gotten rather attached to the place. Plus the rent was cheap, which was pretty much a rarity if my friends were to be believed.

Before long Bella's voice pulled me out of my thoughts again. "You don't have a calendar?"

I frowned, not knowing what the hell she was prattling on about. "Huh?"

"To write down your business meetings and assignments and stuff?" she clarified, looking at me as if I had gone completely barking mad.

I shrugged. "Never needed one….at least, not since I was in secondary school."

Her eyes went wide. "Then how do you keep track of all your engagements?"

"Up here?" I tapped the side of my head. "If they're real important I write them down in my notebook but…well…..I don't have that many hugely important meetings to go to, really."

Her brows pulled into a frown as she mulled on my words. "No offense…"

I snorted because, well, basically people just said that if they wanted to really lay it onto you. "What?"

She blushed. "Isn't that a little…..I don't know….unprofessional?"

I chuckled at the tone of her voice. She spoke the words as if she was afraid I was going to really lash out at her or become violent or something. "Maybe, but I just don't like keeping track of all that paperwork, you know?"

Judging from the look on her face she didn't. "I'm sure your phone has a calendar on it?" she tried.

"It may, though mine's pretty bloody ancient to be honest, but that's not what I meant." I sighed running my hands through my hair as I scrambled for words to explain the way I rolled. "I just don't like being all…..organized and shit."

"Oh." She seemed to take it as a personal offense, her sweet little face falling as if I'd just admitted to killing cute little fluffy animals for sport.

"Not that I have anything against people who do…." I scrambled to backpedal, "I just…I like my freedom, I guess." I felt like an arse, speaking the words and knowing how she was going to interpret them.

But it was the right thing to do.

Even if it felt wrong.

"I see." Bella hid her face behind her hair, making me go crazy trying to find out what she was hiding. "I think it's about time I headed to the airport."

"Bella," I started, only to have her interrupt me almost immediately.

"No, seriously," she pressed, looking slightly panicked. "My cab is supposed to pick me up in fifteen minutes. We've gotta dash if I want to make it to the airport on time."

I raced her back to the hotel, both of us gasping for air as we ran into the lobby to collect her bags right as the taxi pulled up in front of the entrance, the driver looking like he wasn't going to be placated into waiting long.

"I think I have everything," Bella stated, her voice shaky as she watched the cabby plonk her suitcase into the trunk of his car.

Oh, hell! This was goodbye…..

As much as I'd prepared myself for it and as much as I thought a 'clean break' would be in both of our best interests, now that we were getting there, I didn't want it to end.

As in: ever.

"Let me come with you?" I asked, cursing myself for being so damn needy and clingy – I mean, what happened to all of that 'clean break' stuff I came up with yesterday - but not wanting this to be the end.

Bella sighed, her eyes trained to the pavement. "Better not."

"Yeah." I scratched the back of my head. "You're probably right."

"So I guess this is goodbye?" Bella's voice grew thick, her eyes watery as she looked up at me.

"I guess so," I nodded sadly.

She shifted nervously in pace, my body mirroring hers as I heard the cabby sigh dramatically behind us. "You'll keep in touch, right?" She blushed. "I mean….about the pictures?"

"Oh right," I chuckled, feeling like this was the twelfth grade dance all over again. "Yeah."

"Good." She hovered closer, biting her lips as she looked up at me, pleading for something more than I could offer her.

"Yeah." I closed the gap, molding my lips to her as my hands balled into fists behind her back, trying to not let this spin out of control.

_Trying to protect her. _

"Signora?' I growled as the impatient, son of a bitch, cabbie made his presence know, tapping his watch for extra emphasis, forcing us to break the kiss and acknowledge him.

"I'll miss you," Bella whispered, kissing my cheek before extricating herself from my hold and slipping into the taxi, her brown eyes filled with moisture as the taxi shot into motion, a small wave of her hand being the last I saw of her before she turned a corner.

As I watched the car disappear out of view, I knew that the clean break I'd been wishing for wasn't going to be all that clean after all.

In fact, if what I felt right then was anything to go by, it would be pretty bloody messy on my part.

I also knew that I was going to be in a whole lot of trouble.

I sighed, fishing the phone out of the back pocket of my jeans, bypassing the numbers of my parents and sister to come to the second most used number in my contact list.

I groaned as the familiar sound of her voicemail message started up.

"Hey T. Call me as soon as you get this, okay?" My voice sounded as bad as I felt. "Something came up and….and I think we need to talk."

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_**Thoughts?**_

_**Do you think Edward will be able to stick to his resolve and stay away? Do you think Bella is going to let him? And who is this 'T' he's talking to?**_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	6. The City that Never Sleeps

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**This story wouldn't be what it is without my wonderful beta, **_**The Real Teacher**_**, holding my hand and correcting my many errors. Thank you so much!**_

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_**Pctures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. The link is on my profile page. **_

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**Chapter 6 – The City that Never Sleeps.**

_**Because it's too busy reeling from its latest disappointment**_**.**

Home.

I sighed, smiling like a cat in front of a warm cozy fire as I exited the cab, the driver depositing my suitcase on the sidewalk as I turned to look around me.

Nothing had changed – at least, not visibly – and yet to me, everything was different.

I sighed, knowing that if eleven hours of constantly thinking about it – about _him_ – hadn't given me the answers I was craving, five minutes on a New York sidewalk sure as hell weren't going to make a difference either.

I was so confused.

It wasn't anything new since – realistically – ever since I'd upped and left Forks I'd spent about seventy percent of my time trapped in a state of either panic or confusion, but the way I'd been feeling ever since Edward had picked me up for my last day of sightseeing? It pretty much trumped everything.

He'd been a completely different person: broody and distant and sometimes bordering on infuriating.

It was like he was holding himself back; like somehow he'd come to the decision that whatever had happened the night before had been a mistake and, no matter how good it felt when we were together, was determined to keep his distance.

I let out a small frustrated growl as I looked at my big suitcase sitting next to me on the sidewalk. _How could a man be hot one moment and the completely cold the next?_

_Dear lord. I was beginning to sound like that Katy Perry woman_.

Another growl escaped my lips as I felt the onset of a killer tension headache start to build behind me temples, the cab driver looking at me as if I was insane – which wasn't such a strange guess seeing as I was standing on a sidewalk growling at the unsuspecting passersby which wasn't exactly the pinnacle of mental health where I came from – as he waited around for me to pay him.

Damn you, Edward Cullen and your stupid shiny Vespa!

I never used to feel this way about anything or anyone but ever since he and his chain smoking laidback self had wandered into my life I'd found myself running from one panic attack to the next. The guy just…..got under my skin and in a way that no one had ever managed to do before. He was a complete mystery to me. His whole being operated on a different frequency from mine in so many ways that I sometimes wondered what in the world had even made me fall for the guy in the first place.

I guess opposite really did attract.

I was the living proof of it.

And what was the worst thing about it was that just as I thought I had part of him figured out, he went and changed on me overnight and I had to start all over again the next morning.

Seriously, I'd spent five freakin' days with the guy and already his mood swings were giving me a whiplash.

There was no keeping up with them.

When I woke up that morning I'd been looking forward to spending more time with Edward after our kiss the previous night. We hadn't really spoken about it after it happened or made any kind of sappy declarations about our feelings but still, it felt like we'd come to a mutual agreement the moment we locked lips; like the huge strain that had been on our relationship…friendship….whatever it was that had grown between us over the days, had been lifted and we could finally just…._be_.

The joke was on me when, the moment I watched him walk towards me, there had been a tension in his frame and a distance in his eyes that hadn't been there before and though he tried to act as if nothing had happened, I could literally feel him pulling away from me more and more as the day progressed.

Even the kiss…..I could almost feel him holding back.

Which was strange, because at some moments – few and far between – when the real Edward (or the one I hoped was the real Edward) shone through, I got the feeling that he wanted there to be more between us just as much as I did.

Was it the long distance thing?

The age gap?

Was it me?

Was it him?

"Ugh!" I groaned, trudging my suitcase behind me as I entered the building.

Whatever it had been, it was gone now….out of my hands the moment I drove away from him and Rome fifteen hours ago. Deep down inside I still hoped he would contact me – not just because he had to, for my article, but for _me_.

Had I been so mistaken in him? Had everything we'd talked about the night before been a lie?

I didn't know.

I _couldn't_ know.

All I did know – a realization that had struck me somewhere between London and New York – was that I hardly knew a thing about him. Sure, I knew he came from London and that his parents and sister were still living there while he wasn't, but that was about it. I'd told him everything about me – more even than I'd thought I'd ever be comfortable sharing with a guy I just met a couple of days ago but he, from his side, had been particularly sparse with the details about his life.

Had he done that on purpose?

I knew that he'd been holding back something; something he hadn't been ready to discuss yet, or so I thought. Something that had everything to do with his departure from London and subsequent peregrination across the European continent.

But what was it?

I didn't have a clue.

And I didn't have a clue _why_.

Had he really not been ready to discuss it with me yet? Had that been why he'd held back? Or was it because he didn't _want_ me to know more about him?

I may have been quite a novice when it came to men – even at the 'ripe old age' of thirty – but even I knew that sharing information could be just as intimate – even more so at times – than the sharing of bodily fluids. Sharing yourself with another person – the bits of yourself that remained hidden from the outside world in a cloud of secrecy and silence – could break the boundaries and defenses you'd put up around your heart and give the other person a power over you that could make or break you.

Was that why he'd kept his distance?

Was it because he didn't want me to get _that_ close to him?

I somehow doubted that. Over the last couple of days there had been moments between us that had been so sweet and intimate and…laden with promise that it was very hard for me to place this distant Edward I'd seen today. He may not have shared his mind with me as much as I would have liked, but he had still shared his art…which was at least something. Besides, if he really wasn't interested in me that way, why would he have gone through all the trouble of wining and dining me for just one kiss?

If it had merely been a mindless roll in the hay he'd been after, then why had he walked away when I'd made it perfectly clear that he could have me in any way he wanted?

Why be a gentleman if deep down inside all you were was a complete and utter rogue?

The loud ping of the elevator, announcing its arrival at the 9th floor – my floor – of the apartment complex, pulled me out of my thoughts and back to the process of dragging my stuff behind me into my home, and not a moment too soon.

I needed Alice.

And a stiff drink.

Though I wasn't quite sure yet in which order I needed those two things. I did know that if I wanted them, all I had to do was get out of the elevator and drag my tired butt to the apartment.

Home.

Back to the order and comfort of knowing where I was and where I stood in the grand scheme of things.

Somewhere at the bottom of the pecking order, I supposed.

"Honey! I'm ho-ome!" I sang as I jostled my suitcase through the door, my shoulders sagging with relief as I looked upon the familiar fixtures and fittings of my living room.

Which was surprisingly empty. "Alice?"

"I'm in my room!" Alice's muffled voice sounded from deep inside the apartment. "I'll be with you in a minute! I have to finish something for this damned shoot I'm overseeing tomorrow."

I chuckled, rolling my luggage behind me to my room. Alice had always been one to get panicked at the last minute a shift things around, forcing her to work through the night or get up really early just to make sure things were perfect.

It was why she was the best.

It was also why she made about triple the sum I was paid every month.

Which – in turn – was why were got to live the way we did….in a very comfortable building with its own gym (not that I used it that much, to be honest) and stunning views over Manhattan. It was a good thing she only made me pay a fraction of what I would have had to pay if we'd spilt the rent. I'd never be able to live there if she would have.

I smiled, catching the view outside my window, the illuminated windows of downtown Manhattan casting a glow over the East River in front of it. At least Alice seemed to find our agreement satisfactory, since it meant that she got to go home to a home cooked meal and a tidy home every day as opposed to takeout and utter chaos.

As for me, I was just grateful for the fact that she'd taken me in when I was at the lowest point tin my life, just having divorced Mike, and in desperate need of a fresh start.

Sure, we'd had our problems getting used to each other – just as every new pair of roomies had. I still had trouble adjusting to the fact that she was a morning person and that – try as I might – I could never get her to be as organized at home as she was on the work floor, but that was just the usual stuff. I guess at times she'd find it hard to put up with my need for order and control as well.

"I'm so glad you're home safe," Alice squealed, shooting through the room like a whirlwind; giving me a close hug, rearranging something in my outfit I hadn't even noticed had gone askew before flopping herself into the huge loveseat in the alcove, her lips pursing as she looked at the floor to ceiling bookcases that surrounded her.

"I still can't see why a person would need so many books!" she remarked, rolling her eyes as she let her fingers trail over some of the covers of the books that filled the floor-to-ceiling-shelves behind her. "Seriously, Bella. Did you read all of these or are they just there to impress us simple folk?"

Alice was very much a Higginbotham, even though her name suggested otherwise. Like my mom and hers, she'd developed an adversity to books and what she called 'formal education', choosing instead to focus on art and more flighty things.

Unlike Renee and Marie, though, she'd somehow managed to channel those preferences into something productive, her talent and passion earning her a job at an up and coming magazine and making her shoot up the ranks like a comet until she found herself earning the spot that dozens of stylists would have sacrificed life and limb for – art director at a major, though be it kinda artsy, lifestyle magazine, at the tender age of twenty four.

If only she wasn't such a stickler for separating business and pleasure.

If she hadn't she may have taken some of those organization skills she portrayed on the work floor home with her to tackle the huge mess that was her bedroom.

She may have also landed herself a boyfriend in the person of Jasper Whitlock, our resident photographer who, much like Alice, had been 'made' by Jane's ever present eye for talent.

I chuckled. "I read them all, as you well know." I flashed her a knowing look. "Not everyone can make a living out of matching pretty dresses with pretty shoes."

Alice grinned, playfully flipping the bird of me as she draped her small frame dramatically across the seat. "You know there's more to my job that that! I happen to be an expert in handbags and other accessories as well!" She fake-pouted, her eyes shining with mischief. "Besides….not everyone can live the jet-set life of a travel journalist."

"You know there's nothing jet-set about what I do!" I snorted, throwing one of the pillows on my bed in her direction as I continued to unpack, sorting laundry from the clothes I hadn't worn on the bed.

"Be that as it may, you'll still get to hang out with Jasper for four whole days while I – poor little schmuck – will be stuck trying to get a bunch of cranky, undernourished models to look fabulous!"

"Jasper's coming with me to Texas?" I frowned. "I hadn't heard of that."

"I overheard Jane and Jazz talking the other day. She's sending him out to cover the Austin City Limit's festival with Charlotte and when he's done with that he's supposed to stay on to show you around," Alice shrugged. "Makes sense, since he's the only one working there who knows Texas and can take a half decent picture to boot."

I nodded. It did make sense. I didn't know Jasper very well, but I knew him well enough to know he was from Texas originally and, judging from the way he dressed and styled himself in an almost overstated southern way, proud of it too.

"I'll take good care of him, Ally," I teased. "Make sure he's returned to you in good health and all that."

"You suck!" Alice scowled. "So tell me about Italy. How's lover boy?"

It was my turn to scow then, my laundry forgotten as I flopped down on the bed to tell Alice all about the latest developments.

"He sucks!" Alice huffed as I filled her in on Edward sudden change of heart after we kissed.

I shrugged. "The jury's kind of not out on that one yet."

"Why not?" she challenged. "Any guy who has the guts to lock lips with a girl one day and be completely distant to her the next deserves to have his balls lopped off and fed to a bunch of scabby dogs right in front of his eyes!"

I sighed. "I just figured he might have been spooked or something. I kind of want to give him some time to….I don't know….maybe come around…before I cast my judgment."

"He doesn't deserve you, Bella," Alice spoke, the compassion in her eyes enveloping me in a warmth and comfort I desperately needed. "No one does."

"I know," I smirked, "but I still wish things had turned out different. I kinda miss the….I don't know….companionship….and comfort and peace of having someone love you…if you know what I mean."

I took a deep breath, brushing my hair behind my ears, as I tried to not let the sadness and disappointment get to me. "For a minute there I thought I'd finally found it again."

Alice smiled sadly, hopping off the sofa and crossing the room to pull me into a much needed hug. "I know what you need."

"You do?"

"You need at least a bottle of wine and Mr. Darcy – the series, not the movie."

"Yes, please," I groaned, never feeling happier about my decision to move in with my cousin than I did right then.

"Great!" Alice grinned. "I'll meet you in the living room in fifteen minutes. I'll get the popcorn going."

And so there we were, lounging on the huge sofa in the living room with a big bowl of caramel popcorn in between us while in front of us Mrs. Bennett tried to find husbands for all of her five daughters.

"Do you think that Edward is like Mr. Darcy?" Alice asked.

"Huh?" I tore my eyes away from the screen for a second to frown at her.

"Coldhearted bastard on the outside but orgasm inducing hot on the inside?" she explained.

"Nah." I shook my head as, on the screen, Elizabeth heard Mr. Darcy declining an offer to dance with her. "Edward was never really cold on the outside. Which makes it all the more confusing."

"So you did think he liked you?" Alice wanted to know.

I nodded, trying to keep myself from getting too emotional. "I really did."

"Then you might be right." I looked over at her, the look on her face telling me Alice was dead serious. She shrugged. "If what you're saying is true, he may really be into you and just a little taken aback by the force of his feelings….like Mr. Darcy."

Somehow the thought of Edward liking me made me panic even more than the thought of Edward using me to get….well, whatever it was he wanted. _What the hell was wrong with me? Wasn't that exactly what I wanted? _

"I don't know, Alice," I gasped, trying to keep myself from starting to hyperventilate.

"He did kiss you," Alice mused. "And judging from the way you described it, it was the kind of kiss that can make a girl's toes curl. That's saying something!"

Okay. Not hyperventilating was starting to become more difficult by the second. "What if he just sees me as a friend whom he just happened to kiss a couple of times? I mean…..he's into that whole bohemian lifestyle and all it's free morals and 'open relationships' crap. How am I supposed to know he doesn't suck face with all of his female friends?"

"Really, Bella," Alice groaned, rolling her eyes at me as she pelted me with a few pieces of popcorn. "I know you like to over think things, but aren't you going overboard just a little bit?"

I didn't even hear the last bit of her statement as an even scarier notion had taken post. "Or what is he sees me as some kind of mother figure? I mean….he is a lot younger than I am after all….."

"Six years, Bella!" Alice snorted, the bowl of popcorn almost launched to the floor as her stomach shook with laughter. "Jeez, you freak, do you even listen to yourself? The fact that he happens to be a few years younger than you are doesn't automatically make you a cradle snatcher or him a sufferer from some nasty kind of Oedipus complex…..it just makes you a lovely, though maybe somewhat unconventional couple."

"But Alice…." I started.

"Would you have felt the same if _he_ was the older partner in the relationship?" Alice interrupted me, smiling when she caught my smirk. "I thought so."

"But he isn't," I cried, "and that's just the thing here."

"I don't really see the problem here," Alice shrugged, munching on a few pieces of popcorn as she waited for me to calm down again. "You're both attractive people in your sexual prime who share this crazy intense kind of attraction. You'd be mad to pass up on this chance just because of a few technical issues."

I guess when you looked at it that way it did kind of make sense. "I don't know…." I admitted with a sigh. "Maybe you're right."

"I'd think so," she grumbled, her face scrunching up in disgust when Mr. Collins appeared on screen. "Yuck! I know Charlotte Lucas was hard up and all of that, but I don't think I would have married that slimy little creep even if he would have come with a kingdom attached. Just imagine lying in bed next to him every night!"

I tried to smile, my mind too hard at work for it to be genuine.

"Give him some time, Bella," Alice offered wrapping her arm around me. "I may not be an expert on the male psyche but I know that – for all their claims of being the stronger sex – they are particularly slow on the intake sometimes."

I snorted. "Like Jasper?"

Alice sighed, flashing me a knowing look. "Yeah, just like Jasper."

I pouted, wanting nothing more to believe her. "I hope you're right."

"He'll come round," Alice assured me with a confidence that seemed utterly misplaced. "I have a good feeling about this, Bells."

I let out a deep breath, leaning my head against her small shoulder. "I hope you're right."

She pulled away, arching her brow as she smirked at me. "When have I ever not been? Now quit yapping through this fucking DVD. Collin Firth is about to propose to Elizabeth Bennett and I want to watch his face when she turns him down without you going all emo and crazy next to me."

We remained silent for a little while, both following – or pretending to follow- the developments on the screen as Jane slowly started to realize that Mr. Bingley's proposal wouldn't come soon if at all and Elizabeth found herself trapped in a nightmare of freaky characters on her trip to visit Charlotte.

Had Alice been right?

Did Edward just need a little time to process all of the stuff that had happened between us?

God, I wanted to believe so because, even if that didn't say much for his character, I would rather have him call or e-mail me tomorrow, admitting that everything between us hadn't just been a figment of my own, lively imagination than have to face the inevitable truth that apparently I'd been the only one doing the falling back in Rome.

_Ugh! Why does all of this have to be so confusing? _I scowled, munching on a bit of popcorn. _As amazing as it had felt to fall in love – or in like, I was starting to think that I would be much better off never having fallen in the first place – or ever again for that matter._

And, judging from the indignant look on her face, Elizabeth Bennett wholeheartedly agreed with me, even though she hadn't exactly fallen in love or in like with the guy proposing to her at the moment.

"Stupid boys and their stupid penises!" I growled, throwing a handful of popcorn at the screen just as Mr. Darcy started telling Elizabeth Bennett how he loved her against all proper propriety and his own better judgment.

Alice nodded enthusiastically. "Who needs 'em anyway, when the good lord gifted us with vibrators and AA batteries?"

We fell silent for a while, both of us transfixed on the screen where Elizabeth Bennett had just had a letter foisted on her by that same Mr. Darcy and was starting to see that he may not have been such a complete, despicable bastard after all.

"Seriously though, Bella." Alice turned towards me, her face scrunched up in thought. "When did we become such complete and utter prudes? If our mom's find out about us they'll be so disappointed!"

I snorted, almost choking on a sip of wine. "I know, right? Every time I get off the phone with my mom I'm afraid she's going to hire some sort of male escort to 'take care of me' or something. She's threatened to do so on more than one occasion."

Alice nodded sympathetically. "Mine just keeps telling me that having one night stands doesn't have to be a bad thing if you pick the guys you're having them with carefully."

"At least my dad will be happy to know I've turned into a born again virgin," I scowled.

"Does he know you own a very handsome collection of vibrators?" Alice grinned, popping another handful of popcorn into her mouth.

"That's on a strict need-to-know-basis," I smirked, settling back against the throw pillows to focus my attention back on the screen.

We both passed out not long after that, only waking up stiff and with a black screen in front of us a couple of hours later when one of our neighbors banged his door on his way in.

"Stupid fucking neighbors," I grumbled, fumbling my way back to my bedroom while trying not to wake up completely. "Don't they know I have to wake up at stupid AM tomorrow morning?"

Alice growled something in reply but I was too busy getting to my bed to focus on what it was. Sleep – and more importantly: not wasting precious time that could be spent sleeping – was more important right now.

**oOo**

I sat back, rubbing my temples as the cursor, blinking in a pristine white Word document, continued to mock me, just like it had been doing for the past two hours.

It was official: writers block sucked major ass.

I'd started trying to write my first article – with the emphasis on the trying part – yesterday morning as soon as I got into the office but all I'd achieved so far were a few words put together in a sentence that were so weak and clichéd that I'd erased the lot almost the second I'd finished typing them.

Hence the empty document.

The worst thing about it was that I'd never gone through any of that crap before. One of the perks of being on the editorial staff was that usual we dealt with the finished product. The only thing we had to deal with was getting the articles up to scratch before the deadline. Trying though that may have been sometimes (seriously, some of the people on our writing staff really should have chosen a different profession since me and Charlotte basically had to rewrite their stuff every single damn time) the risk of editors block was slim to none.

Even when I'd been promoted to writing book reviews for the culture section of the magazine, I'd never had to deal with anything like this before. Usually I'd just read something, put my thoughts onto paper and that was that.

What made this so different?

Wasn't this just another review to write?

Of course deep down inside I knew the answer lay in the fact that, though my article about Rome would – in theory – not differ that much from the one I'd written about the new Bret Easton Ellis novel, a whole lot more depended on it.

My job, for starters.

I knew that Jane had offered me the chance of a lifetime when she'd gone out on a limb and offered the plain, unassuming desk editor a job as a travel journalist just because she 'had a hunch' and thought that said plain, mousy character could do a good job at it.

I found that, more than anything, I wanted to prove her right.

If I could really pull this off; if I could write something that Jane could be happy about and which would also sit well with our readers, it could open a whole new set of doors to me. Doors that led to scary yet amazing opportunities out there in the real world.

Bella Swan.

Out there in the real world.

I still had trouble merging those two ideas into one sentence. Even after three years of living in New York and making it on my own, there were still more than enough times where I just wanted to crawl under the safe cover of my duvet – one my Nana Swan had quilted for me just after daddy had put my first 'grownup' bed together – and hide.

Now that I'd taken my first steps out there, though, I found myself getting hungry for more. I wanted to prove that I could really do this – to Jane, to Mike but most of all to myself.

If only I could get the words out.

I growled under my breath, scowling at the pristine white of my screen before slamming my laptop shut and lying back on the bed. Jane expected me to have at least something ready for her to take a look at during our meeting the next day and, with my second trip coming up in only a couple of days, time was running out for me to prove my worth.

I had to do this.

The problem was, though, that for me Rome had become inseparably linked with Edward and while my feelings for Edward were still undecided and pending on our next contact, so were my feelings about Rome.

"Any luck?" I looked up to see Alice standing in the doorway.

I sighed shaking my head sadly. "Nope."

"It will come," she reassured me. "Just try to write something – stick to the facts or the description of the places you've seen. Jane doesn't expect greatness on such short notice. She only wants to see that you've been working on it. Greatness will come in time…"

I wished I could believe her but over the years I'd overheard her flaming too many of our writers for failed attempts at their trade to give any credit to my cousins words. "I don't know where to start." I sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "Which is stupid, really, because I had this whole thing planned out even before I got on that damned plane!"

"Maybe that's it?" Alice offered. "Maybe what you should be writing doesn't compute with what you want to write and that's why you're stuck?"

I frowned. "I hadn't thought of that, actually."

"Just start at something you're sure about," Alice went on. "Start with the description of a building or a picture or something else and see where you end up. It's no guarantee that inspiration will magically hit you like a stroke of lightning but if you continue to freak out in front of your computer you're sure it's not going to happen. Besides….that way you'll have at least _something_ to show Jane when you go into her office tomorrow."

I nodded, sighed as I once again looked at the blinking cursor. "It might work."

It was on that thought that I started typing, beginning with my visit to the _Imperial Fora_ and the pile of rubble they called the _Forum Romanum_ and slowly working my way up to the splendor of the many churches I'd seen and the elaborate palaces filled with art; working being the emphasis as I labored my way through my writer's block.

At the end, when I finally called it a day and slid into bed at two in the morning, I did have something to show my boss tomorrow. It wasn't much, and I was about as far from happy with what I'd written as anyone could be, but it sure as hell beat walking up to Jane with nothing but an empty sheet of paper and a nervous smile.

**oOo**

Wednesday sucked.

I should have known it when I stumped my toe on the foot of my bed only seconds after I got up . I even might have guessed, right there and then, that this day would turn into an epic failure, if I hadn't been so busy hopping up and down on my good foot and cussing loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Or maybe when my coffee maker decided that this day – of all the days in the year – was the one where it was going to die on me, after three years of trusty service.

I should have known better than to walk out of my door, forgetting my keys in the process, and think that things might get better.

I should have gone back into my bedroom, locked the door behind me, crawled under the covers and forgotten all about that day.

But I didn't.

Not even when I finally made my way to the subway station to find out that all services into Manhattan had been suspended due to an accident which meant that I would be late getting into work.

Which was why, not so bright nor not so early that morning, I found myself sitting across from my boss, sweating buckets as her eyes ran over my writing; her face set in stone and not revealing anything about what she thought of my first foray into travel journalism…..which only made me sweat all that much more.

"It's only a very rough draft….." I muttered, the tension growing to six degrees of unbearable. "It still needs a lot of work and…."

A stern look from the other side of the desk shut me up good and proper, the ticking of the clock sounding all that louder now that there was nothing else to break the silence. _God, I think that damn hour piece ticked so loud I wouldn't have been surprised if they heard it all the way in Mexico. _

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Jane laid the papers back onto the desk, her hands painstakingly cleaning and folding her reading glasses before she finally looked up at me. "I have to admit I'm a little disappointed at what you've put in front of me," she stated, her steel blue eyes piercing into mine as I felt as if a bucket of ice water had just been poured over my head. "Given the work I've already seen from your hand I expected more from you than just some standard piece of writing that any desk editor in this building could have come up with."

I…I," I stammered, wishing the ground would open and swallow me whole. "As I said….this was just a start and….and it needs some work."

"It needs _a lot_ of work," she nodded. "Not to mention and angle that will set it apart from just a standard piece of writing. This…." She looked at the papers in front of her as if someone had just defecated all over them. "….lacks emotion and vision. Really, it could have been written by someone who hasn't even _been_ to Rome."

"Oh." It was all I could get out between fighting the tears and the desperate urge to run away. In my list of big disappointments in life, this came pretty damn close to the moment I found Mike in the supply closet with Katie or Jessie or whatever the hell her name was.

"You need to completely rework this…" She pointed at the papers in front of her, "…into something acceptable; something that will inspire people to go ahead and book that trip to Rome they've always been dreaming about….something that will make them feel like they're there already, taking that trip with you."

She shook her head, letting out a deep breath as she put her reading glasses back onto her nose. "Don't be afraid to take a stance and show a bit of you in your writing, Bella. I think you have it in you to shine but you need to show it or else…."

She let her words linger, no need for the ending to that sentence required by either one of us since she'd made her meaning pretty clear. _Or else it will be back behind that desk for you, Isabella Swan. _

I sighed, managing to pull my lips into an accepting smile without letting the moisture leak from my eyes. "Thank you, Jane. I will try to do better."

Rosalie's desk was mercifully empty when I hightailed it out of Jane's office and past the outer offices dedicated to Jane's support staff of a receptionist and a personal assistant. I was extremely glad for it because I didn't think I would be up to facing Rose and her stern pep talks or swift kicks to the butt.

Right now, I just really wanted to cry.

And so I did.

By the time I made it out of the bathroom I was surprised to see Rose leaning against the wall across from it.

"Rough day?" She flashed me a rare, compassionate smile as I dabbed my eyes, knowing they would immediately betray what I'd just been doing.

I shrugged, trying to play it off lightly. "What are you doing here?"

"Charlotte told me you just about ran from Jane's office after your meeting and since you weren't at your desk but your bag was there, I figured there were only so many places you could be. This was my first pick."

I smirked. "Well, you found me."

"That bad, huh?"

"Let's see…." I sighed, running my hand though my hair. "Jane didn't like what I put in front of her. She didn't say it in that many words but I figure that around now she's regretting ever offering me the job and spending a good amount of the magazine's budget on carting me around Europe. And to be honest…..I kinda agree with her."

"Don't let her get you down, Bella," Rose spoke softly. "I'm sure she only wants what's best for you."

"Yeah." I snorted bitterly. "But what she wants more is what's best for the magazine. And if I'm not it…I make no illusions about what's going to happen if I don't magically manage to pull this off."

Rose's smile was meant to be reassuring but didn't completely succeed in its purpose. "What does she know anyway?"

I rolled my eyes. "You mean, apart from how to build a successful magazine from the ground up?"

Rose shrugged. "Just saying. If you let her get to you too much, you're never going to be able to shine. Remember, she's nothing more than another human being just like the two of us, which means she burps, farts and makes mistakes just like the two of us do."

My face scrounged up in disgust at the thought of Jane burping or farting. "Thanks for the visual, Rose. Now I'm going to be too squicked out to get anything onto paper."

"My pleasure," Rose chuckled, nudging my shoulder with hers as we both made it back out into the main office space. "Hey! Do you wanna go drop by the Brooklyn Botanical Garden for lunch and see if we can get the little midget to meltdown? I heard there were some problems with one of the models so she's bound to be in prime form by now."

I shrugged. "I guess I could do with the entertainment…."

"That's my girl!" Rose grinned. "Now get your ass in gear before we miss all the good stuff."

We arrived at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden right when the drama was about to unfurl, Rose and I munching on the subs we'd picked up on our way in as Alice got locked in an epic stare-down with one of the models, the redhead in front of her gesticulating wildly as Alice – who was a good foot and a half shorter than her – responded by given her the old bitch brow.

"This is going to get sooooo good!" Rose squealed as we could see Alice bristle over something the redhead said all the way across the pond.

I chuckled, arching my brow. "And you're wondering why people call you a bitch?"

"I'm just honest," Rose shrugged. "Besides….no one's ever called me a bitch to my face."

"That's because they know you're going to deck them if they do!" I rolled my eyes, sipping from my chai. "Oh, look! Alice is coming."

"Hey, Alice," I started carefully, holding the sandwich and hot triple espresso we'd brought with us as a peace offering out in front of me in the hopes it would brighten her mood.

"God bless you, Bella Swan," Alice moaned, taking a first sip of her caffeine shot, her hand folded around the cup to derive some warmth from it. "I knew there was a reason you and I were related."

"Maybe if you didn't schedule an outdoor shoot in the middle of frickin' September you wouldn't end up freezing half to death in the first place," Rose snickered.

Alice merely shot her a death glare and grumbled something about outdoor light being perfect for what she had in mind and the many colors of the Japanese Garden in fall setting off the collection of whatever up-and-coming designer was going to be featured in this edition of the magazine.

"So how's it going?" I asked, knowing it would open up the floodgates to Alice's grouching – just like it had every other time Rose and I had crashed one of her shoots.

"It's a mess," Alice growled. "I got here today to find out that someone had completely messed up and booked us at the same day as some fucking kindergarten excursion. By the time I made my way on site at eleven, we had damned toddlers stomping their way all over the scene, getting their smudgy little hands on everything that makes this place so special."

"So what did you do?" Rose questioned. "Chase them away?"

Alice blushed, hr small feet kicking at a few leaves sticking out from the grass.

"Oh no!" I gasped. "Tell me you didn't."

"What?" she snapped. "We paid good money to rent this place for the day and I want it to be perfect and ethereal, not looking like 'Woodstock the day after'!"

"I take it the teachers weren't too fond of that," Rose snorted.

"Whatever," Alice shrugged, handing back her empty coffee cup and getting started on the can of Red Bull we'd brought for her. "They should have known better than to just show up and expect everyone else to adjust their schedules around them. It's so unprofessional! Anyway….so I finally manage to clear the scene and do the run-through with Jasper to make some final adjustments when Maggie from wardrobe runs up to tell me that one of the models is running late and they haven't been able to contact her."

I sighed, knowing from Alice's previous freak-outs how stressful that was. "Shit."

"Yeah," Alice nodded. "So when the stupid skank finally turned up, a whole forty minutes after she was supposed to, I am armed and ready to cuss her out but she doesn't even notice me!"

She took a few minutes to catch her breath, her eyes fuming with rage as they flashed back to the shoot where the same redhead from before had now latched onto Jasper. "Noooo…..she was too busy trying to get into Jasper's pants to notice me!"

Rose and I shared a knowing look, both of us knowing there was no better way to piss off Alice than to hit on Jasper.

"And then, when miss high-and-mighty finally decides to take notice of me, she tried to get me to change her outfit because she thought she'd look better in the red dress," Alice fumed. "I mean….bitch, please! Like I wasn't already putting together fabulous sets while she was still crapping her diapers!"

"Rose snorted, rolling her eyes. "You're not _that_ old, Allie."

"I'm just saying," Alice snapped, downing her Red Bull in one huge gulp before belching loudly. "The bitch should know her place. Seriously! She books one shoot at Vogue and immediately thinks she's too good for us! Don't think I don't remember the time when she had to take off her freakin' clothes to pay the bills! Anyway, I've gotta go. They're just about to start."

We watched her dash off back to the other side of the pond where Jasper had started shooting two models dressed in beautiful but very short (and very weather inappropriate) dresses on the red jetty sticking out from the pond.

"Do you think she's ever going to change?" Rose asked, turning her frame slightly towards me.

"Nah," I shrugged.

"I hope you're right,' Rose snickered. "It's much more fun this way."

"Amen," I laughed, feeling a whole lot better than I did an hour ago. Thanks to Alice.

And it seemed like it was only getting better.

As Rose and I were talking, I noticed how one of the male models – who, just like any other male model on a women's fashion shoot, had only one function: make the women and their clothes look good – had inched closer, his eyes glued to Rose with a hunger that had left me in no doubt as to what was about to ensue.

Carnage.

Complete and utter carnage.

"Hey," he started, perching himself against the railing me and Rose were sitting on.

"Hi!" I smiled, looking past Rose who was starting to look decidedly pissed, to look at him.

He was pretty, that much was for sure, in all 'All American' wholesome college football player kind of way; just the kind of guy Rose normally would have gone for if it wasn't for just one little snag: he was a model.

Rose didn't do models.

Ever.

And she was very clear and vocal about it.

"I'm Emmett," the guy went on, blissfully unaware of the minefield he was stepping into. "Are you going to be on this shoot as well?"

Rose snorted. "Seriously?"

"What?" Poor Emmett looked completely innocent as he gave us both the once-over. "You both look pretty enough to me to be models."

I snorted at his obvious lie while next to me Rose was gearing up for battle, her shoulders setting as she got more and more worked up with Emmett's obvious tactics.

"Look here, _Hansel_," Rose growled. "We could play this game all afternoon with you trying to impress me with your stupid pick up lines and me shooting you down in progressively rude ways but at the end of the day all you're going to get out of me is a serious case of blue balls. So why don't you do yourself a favor and go find some other airhead model to play with. There's bound to be a few chicks running around this place who would be more than happy to suck your cock."

I had a hard time keeping myself from laughing out loud as I watched the poor guy's expression change from hopeful to disappointed and then finally to utter desolation, his mouth opening and closing without producing any sound as Rose went at him like a mad virago.

Which, of course, only spurred her on more.

"What? Cat got your tongue?" Rose went on as the poor guy continued to gape at her, her head cocked and her brow arched for extra effect. "Move along, now. You're blocking my view of the gardens."

The poor schmuck finally got the message at that point and slinked off with his imaginary tail between his legs. I doubted he would bother Rose again.

"Jeeez, Rose?" I snorted, finally unleashing the laughter I'd kept bottled up for way too long. "I know you like honesty above all else but don't you think that was just plain damn cruel?"

Rose just shrugged, looking rater smug as she popped a grape into her mouth. "It did get the message across nice and clear."

I shook my head, laughing softly as I turned my face to look at the shoot that was just about to happen, Alice flittering around the place like a butterfly, trying to be in all places at once to make sure everything was perfect – or at least as perfect as it could be. "Wanna head back to the office?"

Rose made a face. "I guess we have to, huh?"

I smirked, knowing just what she meant. "I guess we do."

If I'd though that my bad stroke of luck had ended the minute I'd fled into the toilet after my meeting with Jane, I was sorely mistaken.

How much so became clear when I got back into the office and booted up my computer only to find that long awaited message from Edward.

**From: Edward Cullen ECullen(at)edwardcullenphotography(dot)com**

**To: Isabella Swan IMSwan(at)epicenter(dot)com  
Date: Wednesday, September 14 2011 at 16:33**  
**Subject: Photographs. **

_Dear Bella,_

_Here are the pictures we agreed upon. I took the liberty of enhancing them and adding a few others that might become useful. Please have your editorial staff contact me if they would prefer the originals. _

_Sincerely,_

_Edward Cullen_

_Edward Cullen Photography_

That was it.

That was all he wrote.

Short, simple, businesslike. That was all his e-mail was. Nothing to hint at the time we'd spent together or the feelings that had come to grow between us.

Nothing at all.

Nothing to indicate his feelings for me went further than a business attachment.

Nothing to take away the fear and worry that had been gnawing at me ever since I got on that damned plane a few days ago.

At the end of the day only one conclusion was left: Edward didn't want me.

At least, not in the way I wanted him.

I sagged down in my chair, deflated as if someone had just burst a bubble inside of me – which wasn't that far from the truth. I guess I should have known all along that none of this could have been real. Rome, as beautiful as it had been, had been nothing more than a fairytale; a perfect alternate universe that offered me the excitement and happiness when I so desperately needed it.

But just like any other fairytale, it had come to its own, happy though decidedly bittersweet ending the minute I boarded my plane and flew away from sweet, delicious Rome….away from _la dolce vita_.

I was back home.

Back in harsh reality.

Ironically enough, it was at that moment that inspiration struck.

* * *

_**Thoughts?**_

_**Unfortunately there won't be an update next week since I'll be in Rome with twenty of my junior students (it's a tough job but someone's gotta do it). I'll post a few pictures on twitter throughout my trip and some on the blog when I get back. **_

_**The week after that we'll get to go to Texas with Bella and Jasper.**_

_**A huge thank you is in order to my dear friends Jadsmama and LadySharkey1, aka JadedLadies, for reccing LDV in the latest chapter of their story Endings & Beginnings, which is an amazing story and well worth checking out. **_

_**I also found out this week that my previous story, Absolution, has been nominated for an AvantGarde Award in the category Best Shock Value. Thank you so much to the people who nominated me. I feel so honored and blessed to have such amazing readers. **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	7. The City of the Violet Crown

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**A huge, huge thank you is in order to my amazing beta, **_**The Real Teacher**_**, who not only puts up with my horrible spelling but also provided her sage advice on all things Texas. As some of you may know, my only visit to the US was a five day trip top NY I went on a couple of years ago. Writing this chapter has really made me want to visit though. I hope I did my beta (and all other Texans reading this story) proud.**_

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_**Sorry for the long wait. Rome was amazing and I think my students really enjoyed themselves (as did I). No sightings of Edward though (but lots of pretty Italian boys who, unfortunately only had eyes for my pretty and very blond students). I'll post some pictures on the blog in a couple of days. **_

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_**Pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. The link is on my profile page. **_

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**Chapter 7 – The City of the Violet Crown**

_**Or how I tried not to think about Edward…..and failed miserably.**_

_I should just forget about him._

If only it were that easy.

Ever since I'd known that Edward, though he may have felt something for a little while, didn't want anything from me that surpassed the limits of a good, professional acquaintance, I had been trying to get the man (and, more importantly, his insufferable way of getting to me) out of my head and heart.

And I'd been unsuccessful for just as long.

_Seriously, Bella! You're acting like a fucking fifteen year old, mooning over a boy who probably doesn't even spend a second of his day thinking about you!_

_Grow the hell up!_

At least I did get a decent article out of it. Jane had been very pleased with the revised edition of my article. She hadn't gone as far as to applaud me or openly heap on the compliments but she'd smiled and told me I may yet have a future in travel journalism. And that was as big a compliment as anyone was ever going to get out of her.

_Now if only I could move on and focus on the road ahead instead of looking backwards…_

I sighed, rubbing my temples as the plane slowly descended towards Bergstrom International Airport. "I should just forget about him," I repeated.

I hadn't realized I'd spoken the words out loud until the woman seated next to me; a kindly looking older woman who had been glued to her romance novel for the duration of the flight, looked up. "Is something the matter, honey?"

I shrugged, quickly making a mental list of the pros and cons of unloading my shit onto an unsuspecting stranger. "Just boy trouble."

She nodded understandingly. "It's the worst kinda trouble, if you ask me." She patted my hand as she offered a friendly smile. "Do you want to talk about it? You and I may not be all too well acquainted but I do happen to be somewhat of an expert when it comes to boys."

I somehow managed to pull my lips into a smile that. "I'll be okay, really. I just….I met a guy in Rome and for a moment I thought he really liked me but then…" I sighed, trying to put into words the felling of growing dread that had snuck up on me ever since Edward had come to pick me up that day. He'd been so different….so far away.

"Let me guess: the next day he acted like nothing happened?" She waited for me to nod before flashing me a compassionate smile, her hand folding around mine on top of the arm rest. "Oh, honey, that's just boys for ya! They act all tough and wise and imagine they're the masters of the universe but in reality it only takes this much….." she snapped the fingers of her other hand, "to spook them."

I frowned. "Do you think that's what happened?"

"I can't be sure since I wasn't there, but from what you told me I have a feeling it might," she reassured me. "A boy doesn't often come by a pretty, smart and kind girl like you and when he does get one thrown into his lap – excuse the double meaning – he has no idea how to act in a way that will keep her there. So, to save his face – or whatever it is that boys want to accomplish by being total jerks – he starts acting like a total cad, pushing you away because he's too damn scared to keep you."

"So what should I do now?" I angled my body towards her, the scenery forgotten as I grasped her explanation of what was going down in my love life like it was a life buoy and I was a drowning sailor.

"Nothing at all." She chuckled as my eyes shot up to hers in panic. "The ball is in his court now. If you left him in no doubt of what it is that _you_ want, then it's up to him now to decide what it is that _he_ wants. If it's _you_, he'll know where to find ya."

"And if it isn't?" My voice sounded as wary as I felt.

She shrugged. "You'd be better off without him anyway. A boy as fickle as that isn't going to do you any good. Believe me, I've been there and learned that lesson the hard way."

I took a few minutes to contemplate her words, my eyes traveling back outside to where everything was still covered in darkness. "I guess you're right," I mumbled, though I still wasn't very fond of the thought that maybe this was a far as things were going to come between Edward and me.

"Of course I am!" Her hand patted mine again in a friendly, motherly gesture as she chuckled. "You can't go through four husbands and raise six boys without picking up a thing or two about the male psyche."

_Holy mother of God!_ My eyes grew to probably the size of saucers as my neck whipped round so fast I was afraid I'd pulled a muscle. "You weren't kidding when you told me you had some experience!"

She shrugged, her eyes glimmering with mischief as she smiled back at me. "What can I say? I've never been one to live alone. I figured that as long as Liz Taylor still outdid me in the husband department I'd be on the safe side."

"But six boys…." I gasped. "I had more than enough trouble growing up with just the one brother…."

She smirked. "That's my fault. I should have realized after boy number three or four that apparently having a little girl wasn't meant for me. But no, I had to be stubborn like a mule and keep on trying for that little girl I wanted so badly."

She paused to catch her breath before she went on. "I love my boys – I really do, make no mistake – but there's only so much testosterone a gal can deal with in her household before she starts to lose her mind!"

"I can imagine!" I nodded, remembering the days when me and mom had to fight with dad and Sam to switch the TV to anything else but sports or when I couldn't get anywhere in the house without tripping over football gear at least once. I couldn't even imagine having five more boys hanging around the house.

"One of my sons actually lives in New York," she mused, the mischief doubling in her features as she took a good look at me. "I wasn't snooping or anything but earlier, before taking off from Houston International, I overheard you talking to your friend on the phone….."

I blushed, knowing she must have heard me explain to Rose how my busy sightseeing schedule had left precious little time to 'fuck around' as she'd instructed me to. Apparently Rose still seemed to think that all I needed to get over Mike (and myself) was a good, old-fashioned boinkfest.

When I'd told her that all I got out of my trip to Rome was a few little kisses, she'd all but threatened to set me up with a male escort when I got back. _Yeah. Anonymous, meaningless sex. Just about the last thing I needed right now. _

"Anyway…" my new friend went on, "if your current love interest falls through, you may want to give him a call. I don't want to blow my own horn too much but I do happen to take pride into the fact that I've raised all six of my boys to be perfect southern gentlemen. They know better than to leave a girl like you high and dry….."

I chuckled, though I had to admit that I was more than a little relieved when the plane touched down only seconds after the matchmaking had begun. "I'll think about it," I hedged.

She smiled knowingly, probably seeing right through my pathetic attempt to bow out of this gracefully. "Of course you will, dear. And just to help you think…." She dug around in her purse, her eyes lighting up when she found what she was looking for before producing a sleek, expensive looking business card, "…take this. I have no need for it anyway since I already know my son's number by heart."

"I-I don't….." I stuttered, not knowing of a polite way to decline but not quite wanting to accept either.

"Nonsense sweetheart," she snickered, patting my arm with one hand as she scribbled something on the card with the other. "And if you're ever in need of a friend, or just a friendly ear, while you're in town….here's my name and home number."

She handed me the card, her name – Mary Stanford – now written in an elegant script above that of her son – Marcus Stanford. "Feel free to call me – or him – any time."

I smiled, my defenses blown away by the sheer force of her kindness. "Thanks, Mary, for listening as well as for offering me your firstborn."

"Don't mention it, sugar!" Mary wheezed, her words fragmented by her loud snorts as she laughed freely, attracting quite a bit of attention from some of the people already scrambling in the aisle to get out the minute the doors opened. "I have to admit that my reasons for setting you up with my son are completely selfish. Poor Markey works too much and my heart breaks for him….all alone in that big city. It's about time he found a nice, well-raised girl like you!"

I smiled, grabbing my bag from underneath the seat in front of me as – finally – the line started moving, allowing me to make my way out of the plane and onto my second assignment as a journalist.

_Austin; the city of the violet crown. _

Jasper and Charlotte – the magazine's music reporter – had already arrived in the city a couple of days ago to cover the Austin City Limits festival, a three day event held in one of the city's major parks every September which featured the big names as well as the small ones. The plan was for me to join them for the last day of the event, getting a feel of the city's unique live music scene before Jasper and I would head out into the surrounding countryside.

By mutual consent – that was to say: Jane proposed it and I agreed – Jane and I had come up with a scheme that would have my travel section alternating between places in the US and those outside of our continent and – to make things more interesting and appealing to a wider audience – to focus the 'foreign' articles on cities, since they were more easily recognizable and the domestic ones mainly on nature and outdoor activities, since we were likelier to come up with something people hadn't read about that way.

Not that I was too eager to participate in the 'outdoorsy' part, though. I'd fallen off stuff, gotten trapped under stuff or eaten stuff no living soul should ever have any business eating often enough during my childhood in Forks to realize that I was more of an indoor type of girl.

However, Jane thought it may be 'fun' and since I lacked the balls to stand up against my boss, I would set out on horseback the day after tomorrow, along with my cowboy photographer guide, to explore the Texas Plains.

It had taken Alice and Rose more than ten minutes to stop laughing at me when I told them.

"Hey Bella." I looked up, pulled from my nightmarish visions of me on horseback, by the sound of Jasper's voice to find the man in questing leaning languidly against a column next to the luggage belt my bag would come rolling in on.

"Hi!" I smiled. Even when not dressed in his usual cowboy getup, Jasper was still the kind of guy who stood out in a crowd, his blond hair, blue eyes and tall lanky frame not as unusual as the almost serene calm he exuded even when surrounded by the chaos of a busy baggage hall. "Have you been waiting here long?"

"Not at all." His musical southern drawl had intensified now that he was on his home turf. "Besides…I was kinda glad to get away from Charlotte for a couple of hours."

He shrugged, blushing slightly as he brushed his shoulder length straw colored hair behind his ears. "You know how she gets."

I smirked, already having heard too many stories from Alice about Charlotte and her grabby hands. "So where's the hat?" I asked deciding to settle on a different matter. "Did it get blown off by a sudden gale force wind or something?"

"I'm incognito," he grinned, shrugging his shoulders when all that got him was a raised eyebrow from me "Back in New York it sets me apart from the rest, out here it would just be….."

"Stereotypical?" I chimed in, jumping a little when behind me the luggage belt crunched into action.

He nodded, grabbing my bag from the belt before I could even make an attempt at getting it myself. "Yeah. Sounds messed up, huh?"

This time I shrugged. "Nah, I get it." I really did. In the world we lived in – the world of _Epicenter_ and everything that came with working for a glossy magazine – it was all about image and how you worked that image to get the maximum exposure….anything to make your way to the top.

For me, as a lowly desk editor, it hadn't been that important to create such and image for myself; not for as long as I was happy to remain stuck behind my desk that was. Now that me and the desk had parted ways, though, I guess I would have to think about how to profile myself in the world since I wasn't vain enough to think that I would hold my role as Jane's next pet project for long.

I mean….not with a boss who had the attention span of a Chihuahua and was always out to find the 'next best thing.'

"Maybe you could give me some pointers on how to build my own image?" I smirked as I followed Jasper out of the building where a dusty Oldsmobile that had obviously seen better days was waiting for us. "I don't want to be known as 'amateur girl' forever."

"Hop in and I'll tell you all I know," Jasper grinned, pointing at the passenger side of the vehicle. "She's more dependable than she looks, believe me. Annabelle's been in the family for ages."

I snorted. "Annabelle?"

"No putting down on the car," Jasper warned, the strength of his scowl undermined by the twitching of the corners of his mouth. "And yes: Annabelle. Me and my brothers called her that before we figured out how to be cool and get real girlfriends."

He grinned at me before pulling out of the parking space, his loose, laidback attitude in combination with the late September sun already lifting my spirits. "And to answer your question…." He went on, one arm leaning on the open window, one hand on the wheel, "There's nothing you need to do about your image, if you ask me. You already have enough natural charm to win over even the coldest of bastards in the business."

I rolled my eyes, figuring he was pulling my leg. "Charmer!"

"I'm just the boy my momma raised," he chuckled, turning his attention back to the road as he took us into the city.

Jasper drove me to the hotel first, to check in and drop my bags off at the room before we headed out to Zilker Park where the Austin City Limits festival was held.

"You have to work, right?" I asked as we got into a cab in front of the Intercontinental, where we would be staying for the next two nights.

Jasper nodded, patting the huge camera hanging from his shoulder. "Just this afternoon, though. There's a few bands we are looking to spotlight – Charlotte has interviews lined up with them before they hit the stage – but after that I'm all yours."

I snorted. "I feel so special!"

"You should," he chuckled. "I don't devote my precious time to just anyone, you know!"

I rolled my eyes at him. "I'll keep that in mind!" There were times when Jasper reminded me of my brother. Sam and I had always had that same, easygoing relationship, even though I'd seen a whole lore more of him than I had of Jasper.

Not that we were strangers or something. With Alice mooning over him and the two of us continually bumping into each other at after-shoot wrap-parties or other work related functions, it was kinda hard to escape him and we'd become something of friends. He had this calm aura around him that made it really easy to talk to him and which – according to Alice – put everyone in the right kind of mind frame on set.

Now if only he could keep that same calm when dealing with my cousin…

I chuckled, looking out of the window at the city outside. Those two….they were just too much sometimes. Everyone knew they were totally smitten with each other – hell, sometimes I wondered if they didn't know it themselves – but because both of them were too shy to act on their feelings and too stubborn to take the first step, they were condemned to forever hover around one another, sneaking sideways glances when the other wasn't looking and providing a never-ending source of entertainment for their friends and colleagues.

The taxi dropped us of in front of the park entrance and I looked around me as Jasper settled the bill. My heart sped up as I spotted a yellow Vespa, resting against a fence near the entrance to the park.

_Edward._

It was only a second before my the voice of reason kicked in, yapping on about how much of an overly romantic fool I was for thinking Edward would just sweep in through the park gates carrying a bouquet of roses and begging forgiveness.

It was right, of course.

Edward was thousands of miles away in Rome, doing what he always did without as much as a thought about how I was doing or what I was doing. Hell, for all I knew he was already sinking his fangs into the next unsuspecting female travel journalist thrown on his path, wooing her with all his sweet-talk about how she should 'live a little'.

I felt my face pull into a scowl, though I couldn´t be quite sure if that was because of Edward or because I´d just thought about Edward with other women.

And whatever happened to not thinking about him anyway?

I growled, scowling at the offending yellow vehicle. _Stupid shiny Vespa owner!_

"Something wrong?" I jumped at the sound of Jasper's voice, his face staring back at me with arched brow and a small smirk on his lips. "You look like you've just stepped in fresh dog shit."

I shrugged. "I'm fine."

"Whatever!" Jasper snickered, shaking his head. "Let's just go in, shall we?"

I nodded, turning my attention back to the present day as we went through the motions of showing our press passes and going through security. "I have to go up front," Jasper announced once we cleared the entrance and were standing the middle of a huge field, the stage and the crowds a little while ahead of us. "Are you going to be okay on your own?"

I chuckle at his concern. "I'm a big girl, I think I can manage on my own for a few hours."

And I did.

After wandering around the festival grounds for a while, I found a nice, relatively quiet place to sit on a slight incline that gave me free views over the main stage and a slightly smaller stage across from it.

Jasper and Charlotte dropped by from time to time with stories and free snacks they got off the press cafeteria backstage until they, too, were done for the day and joined me on my hill, which has gotten decidedly more crowded as the afternoon passed.

"I could get used to this," I mused, lying back with a beer in my hand as the mellow tunes of Norah Jones accompanied one of the most beautiful sunsets I'd ever seen.

"Yeah," Charlotte, nodded, her body mimicking my pose. "That's just….beautiful."

"It's where the city gets its nickname from," Jasper explained, reclined next to me with his own beer and corndog. "With near-by hills that keep air-born things from drifting on to other places, Austin has a fair amount of haze. Before the current problem of exhaust fumes, it was attributable to smoke, dust and such. At sunset, and into dusk, the haze takes on a purple cast, covering all with a violet crown."

"Well, I don't know about any of that," Charlotte said, our eyes still trained to the beautiful violet hue covering the skyline "but I think it's pretty damn beautiful."

I couldn't do anything but agree.

**oOo**

The next day started with some sightseeing in Austin. We flashed by the Austin Museum of Art, the Lyndon B. Johnson Library and Museum and the Texas State Capitol before boarding a riverboat to start the 'outdoorsy' part of this trip.

"So," I hedged watching the water underneath me churn as the boat maneuvered away from the dock. We were both leaning on the railing, the breeze dampening the heat of the sun as the boat started to glide across Lake Austin.

"Yeah?" Jasper replied, his head turned towards the sun like a sunflower, soaking up as much heat as he could before he had to go back to New York.

"Are you ever going to ask Alice out or what?"

I chuckled, watching Jasper splutter while he almost choked on his own spit. "Wha…"

"Just so you know," I added. "She'll most likely say yes."

Jasper needed a minute or two to digest that which was fine by me since it gave me the opportunity to study my surroundings; the boat gliding though the lake as the city slowly gave way to a more rural scenery, with trees and sloping countryside as well as multimillion dollar homes lining the embankments.

It was beautiful, the scenery coming to life by the many people enjoying it, whether by foot, by car or in one of the many big and small boats and other floating devices next to us in the water. Up ahead, the view opened into the Hill County with its rough wildness but behind us, the city still remained visible, sticking up from amongst the green like some kind of huge, multicolored rock, adding a diversity to the scenery that I knew a lot of people would have found ugly.

But not me.

To me, the fact that nature and culture had been able to exist side by side like this for centuries and would be for many centuries to come, gave me a kind of reassurance…..confidence even that though the news gave me little to rejoice about, the world was going to be okay.

Because it took care of itself, like it had been for God knew how long.

"You really think she'll say yes?" I looked sideways to find Jasper looking back at me like a I'd just handed him the last Golden Ticket to Charlie's Chocolate Factory .

I chucked, rolling my eyes at him. "Come on, Jazz. Really?"

He looked completely flabbergasted, which kind of made me doubt his mental faculties. "What?"

I shook my head. "How long have the two of you been friends?"

Jasper frowned, doing the math on his fingers before he responded. "Four years?"

I nodded. "And how long have you been interested in being more than her friend?"

"Er…." Jasper grinned sheepishly. "Four years?"

"There you go," I chuckled. "So go ask her before Alice decides she's wasted enough time waiting around for you to ask her out and decides to start dating some guy who _has_ grown a pair."

That gave Jasper more than enough to mull over for the rest of our trip, his frown deepening to almost comical proportions as I looked out over the scenery.

After we returned to the docks, Jasper took me on a drive along the countryside, the rolling scenery covered in woodland soon giving away why it was called the 'hill country'. It was much rougher and freer than the beautiful, manicured landscape close to Austin which probably could be explained by the density (and wealth) in population.

We drove all the way to Lake Travis, stopping to take in the view across the silvery lake and stretch our legs a little before Jasper had me back into the car and off into the unknown. "Where are we going?" I wanted to know as, behind us, the sun started to set.

"Out to dinner," Jasper grinned. "Can't have you leaving Texas without trying a real Texas barbeque, can we?"

"I guess not," I grinned. "And let me guess: you know just the place we can go for that?" I felt a pang of sadness as I remembered how things used to be pretty much the same with Edward.

_Edward._ My heart sighed a little as I thought of his name. _What would he be doing right now? Did he think about me? Did he wonder how it could have been if…_

"So what is this place?" I said, trying to keep the conversation going so that it would take my mind off of other things.

"The Salt Lick," Jasper said, "it's a unique kind of place not that far from here that's pretty much a household name over here. It serves some of the best food around, if you ask me. We'll just have to make a quick stop along the way."

"Okay," I nodded, already getting serious about the place, my curiosity heightening when Jasper's 'quick stop' turned out to be a general store near Lake Travis where he bought a case of beer and a couple of cokes.

"It's a BYOB kinda place," he explained, his grin deepening as he caught my frown.

"Are you sure it's a restaurant?" I asked, the description Jasper had given me sounding more like some kind of laidback garden party or something than an actual restaurant.

"I'm sure." Was all he gave me, depositing the booze in the trunk before we drove on for a forty minute trek through the beautiful hill country before pulling up in front of a quaint little place in the middle of nowhere, the road giving way to a very busy car park while delicious smells invaded my senses the minute I stepped out of the car.

I inhaled them greedily as my stomach grumbled in equal enthusiasm. Closing my eyes I could almost picture myself back home, my dad and brother fighting over who got the largest piece of rib as mom stood by, rolling her eyes and threatening to throw away the barbeque because all it brought us was more fights.

It was so familiar and yet it was also completely different. Missing were the musky scents of trees, bark and soggy earth; the small hint of ocean mixed in with it all. Over here the bouquet was completed by the sweet, slightly spicy scent of hay, sun and dry sand.

"Come on," Jasper urged me on eagerly. "Let's get us some food."

Jasper hadn't been lying when he told me that some of the best Texas barbeque could be eaten here. The meat was delicious, cooked to perfection and with homemade sauces to compliment the rich taste.

But the atmosphere…..it was _amazing_.

It was still warm enough to eat outside, even with the light fading as the sun set in the distance, the picnic tables scattered around the patio all full of people chatting and eating and listening to a band playing live music.

We slid in next to a family of four who soon included us in their conversation. It turned out they'd driven in from Austin, like us, for their annual family dinner at The Salt Lick; a tradition they'd stuck to for as long as twenty years.

"It's where I took my Cora for our first date," the man – Gary – told me, smiling at his wife across the table. "We've been coming back every year since."

"That's so sweet," I gushed, trying not to pay attention to the small tug at my heart when I thought about Edward. _I missed him…or the thought of him. The thought of having someone to love and love you back. Yeah, I missed that….more than anything. _

"If you ask me, traditions….sticking to the things that bind you together are the secret to a good marriage," Cora stated. "Remember that and the two of you will make it through even the hardest of times."

"We're not…." Jasper and I spoke out at the same time, our mutual looks of disgust proving to be mightily entertaining to the rest of the family.

"No?" Both Cora and Gary frowned.

"Nah," Jasper chuckled, patting his full stomach. "We're just friends."

"It's a pity," Mary smiled. "You would have made a cute couple."

Jasper snickered, sitting back and patting his full stomach. "Maybe in another world."

I chuckled along, playing with a few left over pieces of bread on my plate. "I'll tell Alice you said that!"

**oOo**

We were on the road again the next day, driving from Austin to San Antonio, the Hill Country giving way to the flatter surfaces of the Texas Plains as we drove south.

"It's so….big," I mused, looking around me over the vast expanse of nothingness of grass blowing in the wind as far as the eye could see.

It was beautiful in a way I had never experienced before; the openness and enormity of my surroundings similarly daunting and empowering.

"You know what they say,' Jasper chuckled, "everything's bigger in Texas."

I nodded, understanding now what people meant when they said that.

San Antonio was a beautiful town with its historic center and River Walk and –of course – the famous Alamo. Since we'd left Austin quite early in the morning we had plenty of time to do some sightseeing and take some pictures before we were expected in Fowlerton, a rural town south of San Antonio where Jasper's parents owned a stud farm.

Oh yes, the dreaded horseback ride.

"Remind me why I'm going to get on a horse again?" I asked, my voice embarrassingly small as we drove through Fowlerton, which didn't take us all that long to be honest. I mean, how long could a cruise around a town with a population of sixty two take?

"Because it's fun," Jasper answered, "and if you ask me, it's the best way to take in the amazing countryside around here."

"Why did you leave?" I wanted to know.

"What?" Jasper shot me an incredulous look. "You've seen the 'vibrant metropolis' I grew up in! How could anyone not want to escape it as soon as they can?"

I shrugged. He may have had a point there. I mean….as nice and quiet as the little town looked, Fowlerton kinda made Forks seem like the New York of the Pacific Peninsula. "But all the way to New York?"

"I went to Austin first," Jasper started. "I got into the Austin Institute of Art, much to my own amazement, and things evolved from there….ya know?"

I nodded. "So what was it like, growing up around here?"

"Boring?" Jasper offered. "I guess it was alright, looking back on it. I mean….there's virtually no crime here, not with everyone knowing each other and I guess there could have been worse places to grow up in than a stud farm. Still….for a boisterous young kid like me…."

"You craved excitement?" I'd heard the same story too often around Forks, though I'd never felt that feeling, not even when I did leave Forks in the wake of my divorce from Mike. I'd been driven there by sheer necessity – because staying in an environment that had suddenly turned hostile would have slowly killed me from the inside – not because I wanted to leave.

Nope. Forks was safe – it was comfort and warmth and everything I'd always wanted.

We pulled up at the ranch before long; a collection of stables and outbuildings scattered around the main house, a pleasant looking white wooden home with a porch and a small garden to separate it from the rest of the farm.

Jasper's mom and dad were quick to welcome me into their home, their kindness almost overwhelming – though their many questions about me and my family, most particularly the cousin I lived with, making me wonder if it wasn't so much me they were interested in as Alice – and ranging from the offering of their guest bedroom for the night to a pair of comfy looking boots and a hat to make my exploration of the plains on horseback a little more comfortable.

In the end, though, there was nothing they could do – though I somehow doubted they even would – to save me from my fate and it was all too soon that I found myself in the stables with Jasper's older brother Steve while Jasper was discussing something with his mom.

"So what's your article going to be about?" Steve asked as he buzzed around the stable, fetching saddles and bridles from the tack room and hanging them on the stables of the horses we were going to take out today.

"About Texas," I shrugged, earning me a 'well duh' look. "Mostly about nature and stuff you can do in Texas, but I'm also looking to confirm or negate common prejudices about the places I visit for my travel section."

Steve snorted. "Well, you'll find no better place to do so than here."

He threw me a brush set and pointed at the horse in front of me; a huge animal tied to the wall and calmly awaiting its turn to be looked after. "It's easy enough. Put a bit pressure on the brush – no horse likes to be tickled – or you'll never get all the straw and sand out of its hair but don't overdo it or Thunder here will speak up.

I took a deep breath, tentatively stroking the brush over the back of the horse a few times while studying Thunder's reaction, my movements becoming a little more certain when Thunder didn't seem to mind what I was doing. "How so?"

"I know what those city folk tend to think about us," he chuckled, carefully saddling his horse, the leather sliding into place with a naturalness that made me wonder just how many times he'd done this.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, continuing my task of brushing the horse. "Tell me….what do they – _we_ – think?"

Steve shrugged. "That people around here are just a bunch of dumb hicks with big mouths, big cars and big…well….everything…that everyone around here rides around on horseback, dresses in cowboy gear and herding cattle."

I arched my brow, letting my eyes glide over Steve's body which was clad in cowboy boots, jeans, plaid shirt and a well worn hat to top it off. "I can see that's a big misconception."

He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean. For me, this getup actually works. These boots improve my grip and prevent my feet from sliding out of the stirrups, the hat protects me against the sun when I'm riding out in the afternoon and the horse…well, have you ever tried herding cattle on a four-wheeler?"

I shook my head, smiling at his impassioned speech.

"For me, being an actual cowboy and all that, this _works_," he summarized. "Sitting behind a desk in this kind of gear…..now, that would just be pathetic."

"As pathetic as taking pictures in this kinda getup?" Jasper snickered, standing in the doorway.

Steve huffed, guiding his horse out of its stall. "Don't get me started on you, city boy!" Coming from his mouth it sounded much like the insult it was probably meant to be.

"My brother doesn't approve of my 'image'," Jasper chuckled, flashing me a knowing look. "He's right, though, not that I would ever admit it out loud. People around here….they are just like people everywhere else: honest, hardworking, God fearing….It shocks me sometimes to hear how some people back in New York seem to think about us. And I guess the image I've created for myself – the Cowboy photographer – isn't really helping either."

Steve grumbled. "You've got that straight."

I nodded. "In a way, it's the same for me, coming from small town Washington."

"I guess it is," he smiled, lending me a hand as he noticed how I was struggling to get the saddle free from the stable door without dropping the polished leather on the dirty stable floor. "Here, let me help you with that. You look like you're not quite sure which end of the horse to put that on."

"I know how to saddle a horse, thank you very much!" I huffed, though I had to admit I was kind of relieved to see Jasper taking over, saddling the horse and leading it out of the stable for me, before doing his own horse in record time.

Now all I had to do was get on it.

Which proved to be no small feat.

"Come on, Bella," Steve teased. "Isn't it every girl's dream to ride off into the sunset with a hot cowboy by her side?"

I chuckled even in spite of myself. "Be that as it may, I know this particular fantasy is going to end up with me in the ER because I took a tumble from the horse or being unable to walk because of muscle pains in the morning!"

"Thunder's as dependable a horse as they come, Bells," Jasper reassured me after swinging his long limbs around the back of his horse as if he hadn't been doing anything else in his life. _Which may not have been that far from the truth_. "He'll take care of you."

"Fine," I grumbled, shooting a cautionary glare in the direction of the horse. "But if I do end up in the ER, you'll be the one to tell Jane, cowboy!"

All I heard was Jasper's chuckles as he urged his horse into a canter and joined his brother outside the main gate as they waited for me to finally get off my high horse and get on my horse.

"Okay horse…_Thunder_…..whatever," I grumbled, earning myself a dark look from my horse. "No funny business and you and I will get on okay, right?"

I took his small whinny for acquiescence and got on, my legs not quite as elegant in their endeavor to lock around the back of the horse but my attempt not altogether unfruitful either.

"Fuck! I did it!" gasped, allowing myself a few moments to relish in my victory before my relief ended in blind panic when Thunder, obviously less impressed than I was, decided it was time to join the rest of the group.

After a few minutes of getting used to it, I found that being on horseback wasn't all that bad. In fact…..it was even rather enjoyable; the cadence of the movement making me feel strangely calm and the added height giving me a magnificent view of the open countryside around me.

They'd been right: this really was the only right way to enjoy the scenery.

We rode around for a couple of hours, Jasper and Steve telling stories of what it was like growing up out there as I soaked up the views and basked in the pleasant warmth of the early evening sun until, out of the blue, it was gone and all we were left with was a star filled night and a sore ass. Well….at least my ass was sore.

"We'd better head back home," Jasper grinned as he caught my grimace, stowing his camera away as he turned in the saddle to address his brother. "I think little Miss Swan here might be feeling a little saddle sore."

I stuck my tongue out at him but gratefully taking him up on his offer, even if it did mean that both brothers spent the whole ride back to the ranch making fun of me and my inexperience.

After dinner I settled myself on the back porch with a glass of cold beer and a laid wrap around my shoulders to keep me warm as I tried to do some work. Jasper's parents and brother were all busy doing something or other for the ranch and absolutely not wanting me – a guest – to help out. _Thank God. I could already feel my muscles start to cramp up on me. _

Logging onto my work e-mail I was surprised to see that the layout department had already sent me back the article – or a mockup of how it would look in the magazine, with Edward's photo's included in the text.

It looked amazing, my excitement over the fact that this was really happening – the fact that in a few more weeks I would really see my name in print as the writer of an actual article, overclouded by a small pang of sadness as my eyes wandered over the photographs Edward had taken.

They were beautiful; a beauty of an almost ethereal kind and just the sort of thing Jane wanted for the magazine.

She'd love them.

She'd probably want to work with Edward again on future articles, which meant…

"Who took those frames?"

I gasped, not having heard Jasper come out. "Jesus! You shouldn't be sneaking up on girls like that, cowboy!"

"And miss out on the fun of having you jump like a little kitten?" Jasper grinned at me before his eyes shot back to the screen. "So who took the pictures? It's not a style I remember."

"Edward Cullen," I answered, trying my best not to cringe when forced to speak his name. "A local photographer."

Jasper nodded, his eyes narrowing in on the screen again.. "I've gotta say….for a 'local' he's got some talent. What do you know about him?"

I sighed, tearing my own eyes away from the screen and staring out over the vast nothingness in front of me. "He went to school in London, I think." I frowned, trying to remember what he'd told me that night at that little _trattoria_ in _Trastevere_. "To art school….but I remember he told me he didn't finish it."

"And he's set up shop in Rome now?" Jasper wanted to know next.

"Yeah," I nodded, frowning slightly at his line of questioning. "Why do you want to know all of this?"

Jasper shrugged. "As I said: I think the guy is talented. Has Jane seen these?"

"Not yet," I answered. "I got those pictures right before I left for Austin so I forwarded them straight to 'layout' to do the mockup of the article along with my revision on the text."

"Jane is going to love these," Jasper mused, looking at me for clearance before scrolling down the page. "I could be in for some stiff competition."

"A-ha!" I chuckled. "So that's what all those questions were about. You just want to get a lowdown on the enemy!"

"I don't think of this world in terms of friends and foes," he shrugged. "I just see something I like and so I want to know a little more about the person responsible for its creation. Who knows? I may even be able to help him!"

I tilted my head, studying his face to see if he was sincere which, to my confusion, seemed to be the case. Not that I distrusted Jasper or anything, it was just that in the world I worked in, it was hard to come by someone who wasn't completely fixed on his or her own advancement.

"Besides….." he went on, his eyes shining with mischief, "If one of my esteemed coworkers is so hung up on a guy she can't even function without giving it away, I kinda wanna know the cause of it…."

For a few moments I was capable of nothing more than to gape at him, my mouth opening and closing without producing any sound. "I….don't….."

"You can save yourself the trouble of denying it, Bella," Jasper chuckled. "You know as well as anyone else does how bad Alice is at keeping a secret."

I sighed. "So you know."

He nodded. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing?" I sighed, brushing my hair out of my face when all that got me was a confused look. "Everyone tells me it's better to hang tight and let him come to me. Besides….I wouldn't even know what to say to him if I did end up taking the initiative."

"Tell him the truth," Jasper offered as if it were as simple as that. "And yeah…sure….there's nothing to scare a guy away quite like some pushy broad harassing him but I don't think that's the case here."

I had a hard time believing him. "You don't?"

"I don't know," he spoke, "but I've always figured that in cases like these, attack is the best form of defense."

"Sure," I snorted bitterly. "But still…..I don't feel all that eager to get shot down."

He shrugged, patting me on the shoulder before turning on his heels and opening the screen door. "Just think about it, Bella. As far as I can tell, you'd be much better of having certainty than living in doubt."

Maybe Jasper was right.

Maybe I should let him know how I felt….even if all I'd get out of it at the end of the day was closure.

So before I could lose my nerve I opened up a fresh, empty e-mail and started to type, not thinking about the words or how they would come out but just going with my feelings; my gut.

And so I wrote about my feelings. How his behavior the day after our kiss and the days after that had confused me. I wrote about how I had been feeling like a fool because I had been falling for him and thought the feelings I'd developed had been mutual. I wrote about how I knew he must think I was crazy, harassing him like that, but how I felt I had to get this off my chest.

And finally, I left him the choice…

The choice to respond or disregard.

It was up to him now.

The ball was in his court.

I didn't allow myself any time to reread my words or to even think about them, knowing full well that if I did, I'd only chicken out and erase the message. So instead I just sat back, closed my eyes, took a few deep, cleansing breaths…

And hit send.

* * *

_**Who wants to hear from Edward now? How do you think he'll respond to Bella's mail? Are you as proud of Bella for sending it as I am?**_

_**A few things…..**_

_**Voting has started on the Avantgarde Awards so please take some time to honor all your favorite stories and writers. Absolution was nominated in the 'Best Shock Value' category, along with a whole lot of other, amazing stories. https:/ spreadsheets (dot) google (dot) com/viewform?formkey=**_

_**A staggering and mouthwatering group of authors has come together and contributed to a compilation in the hopes of raising money to help those affected by the horrible disasters that have struck Japan and I am proud to say that I was one of them. Donate $10 to the cause and you will receive a 3000k (!) document that holds 'Grace', an outtake from my story Absolution that centers around the conception and (slightly) birth of Grace Cullen. **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	8. The City of Lilies

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**This story wouldn't be what it is without my wonderful beta, **_**The Real Teacher**_**, holding my hand and correcting my many errors. Thank you so much!**_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. The link is on my profile page. **_

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**Chapter 8 – The City of lilies**

_**Or how even its nickname reminded me of her.**_

"Look Tan, I've gotta go." I smirked as I spotted the mother of the bride scowling at me from the corner of my eye. "There's about a hundred pissed of wedding guests right who want to get their picture taken….."

"All right." I could almost see her rolling her eyes all the way across the European mainland. "Just think about it, please?"

I groaned, rubbing my forehead. "Tanya….."

"We really miss you here in _Berlin_." I smiled as her voice shifted from English to German, a language much closer to her mother tongue, as she pronounced the name of the city she'd made her home. "And besides…you know you have a much bigger chance at success over here than you do in Rome. We all know people who know people who know people…we could do so much more for you than you could ever achieve on your own."

"My life's here right now, you know that," I insisted, knowing I would have to come up with more if I wanted to convince her. "Right now I wouldn't be able to move back out even if I wanted to. I've got a couple of gigs lined up in the city and….."

"I know." Tanya sounded resigned. "Just….._Duizendmaal dank_, Edward. For at least being willing to still think about this even though things have changed for you."

I sighed, knowing she wasn't referring to our current topic of conversation but to the one we'd been discussing before. "It's okay."

"It really means a lot to us that you want to do this for us, you know," she went on, her voice thick with tears, "and when it looked like you were starting to back out….I just panicked. I didn't mean half the stuff I said the other night. You have to believe me."

"I do, Tan," I assured her. "I know I blindsided you and….I shouldn't have; not about something so important. I guess I'll see you around?"

"You bet!" Tanya was back to her old self again as we said our goodbyes. "I'll tell everyone you said 'hi'."

"Take care of yourself _liefje_," I smiled, snapping my phone shut again and taking a few minutes to get a breather, my hand running through my hair as I flicked the butt of my cigarette over the edge of the railing.

Florence; city of lilies.

Being here in this beautiful garden overlooking this beautiful town made me realize just how ugly I really was. Sure, I knew I wasn't exactly bad looking on the outside but that was just the shell…a pretty façade to hide that underneath it all I was just a disgusting piece of shit; a whore, selling himself to the highest bidder.

A stain on all the beauty that surrounded me.

She'd been right: I _was_ worthless.

I shook my head, taking a few deep breaths before slowly making my way back to the courtyard where the wedding party was now in full swing.

Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Lennox; a young couple from London who'd fallen in love when they were both in Florence on some kind of medical convention and had returned now, with their doctor parents and doctor friends to celebrate their nuptials. I would have thought it romantic if it weren't for the fact that those two stood for just about everything I'd always tried to escape.

Duty.

Expectation.

Certainty.

"I daresay your break ended quite some time ago," the bride's mother snapped at me, keeping her voice so low only I could hear. "We don't pay you to stand around all day"

I sighed, knowing she had a point. "I'm sorry, madam. It was a family emergency."

She seemed to be pacified by that, her lips pulling into a hard edged smile before softening even further as she let her eyes glide back to the newlyweds. "Don't let it happen again."

I nodded, quickly checking my camera and shutting down my brain before I got back to work, determined to prove to anyone who could see that I wasn't some worthless piece of shit who'd take good money from a trusting couple only to stuff up the pictures of the 'best day of their lives'.

I'd taken this job – even If it was just to pay the rent – so I was under an obligation to do my best for them.

And so I did, trying to make myself as invisible as I could while weaving my way through the flock of revelers, taking pictures of happy people eating, dancing and having fun while feeling myself grow more and more detached from them…..more and more an island in the middle of a storm.

This was never what I set out to do, when I decided to live off my art. I wanted to be an artist; someone whose photographs were displayed in galleries and museums all over the world….someone that could pick his subject instead of having to wait for it to come to him.

Then again, beggars could not be choosers.

Truth was: I really needed this job – and the quite generous paycheck that came attached with it – to pay the bills. I knew Liam wouldn't be too bothered if I was late on paying my portion of the rent – again – but I somehow doubted the phone company would feel the same.

And even if Liam was inclined to give me some leeway, this wasn't the time to ask for it. Sure, after my crazy attack on him a couple of days ago things had gone pretty much back to normal but I knew that, like me, he hadn't exactly forgotten about it.

And how could he? With two hand-shaped bruises around his neck?

No, I wouldn't 'thank' him for not kicking my miserable ass to the curb by being late on rent. Not this month. This job – if I did well – would at least pay for this month's expenses and after that….I'd just have to figure something out.

If worse came to worst I could still sell the Vespa but then what did I do? Traipse around Rome on foot? Spend good money paying for public transport?

I sighed, deflecting my attention by snapping a few more candid shots of people dancing. What I really needed was that big break I'd been waiting on for damn near three years now. The one that would put my name in the picture and my pictures in those galleries and museums I'd been dreaming about.

The same 'big break' that never came.

I chuckled as I watched some young bloke get told off by a girl when he let his hands wander just a little too far south while dancing with her, the look on his face when she caught his hand gliding towards the cookie jar as priceless as the scowl on the face of the guy sitting across from them who I assumed was the girl's dad or something.

As far as weddings went, this one wasn't that bad. Sure, it wasn't what I set out to do in life, but the pay – at least for this one – was good, with the promise of a bonus if I did a good job at documenting the day.

The only thing that still had me baffled was why the hell they'd picked _me_, a complete nobody from Rome. I mean, even if they wanted someone a bit more edgy and artsy than your average wedding photographer, I was sure there'd be a million guys in London and Florence with much more experience to fill the job.

Why me?

Not that I was going to look a gift horse in the mouth, though. I mean, I was bloody chuffed that they'd picked me, just a little surprised.

Of course, I shouldn't have been.

I groaned when, looking through my lends, I zoomed in on an all too familiar scraggly mop of ashen blond hair on top of a crisp black suit and a face that looked a little older than I remembered him but not so changed that I wouldn't have picked him out of a lineup.

I should have known.

I smiled, shaking my head when his eyes lit up in recognition, a small incline of his head to greet me before his attention was back on his conversation partner.

Shaking my head I moved in the other direction, picking a few grapes from an otherwise empty plate and grabbing myself a beer – this time with approval from the omni-observant mother of the bride – and retreated into the same quiet corner of the huge courtyard I'd escaped off to earlier that night; the cover of the trees offering some privacy as I took my break.

I wasn't alone for long, though. Two sips of beer and half a cigarette later I heard the crunch of gravel herald the arrival of another straggler to this quiet corner of the medieval castle that housed the wedding.

"Edward."

I smirked shaking my head as I took another drag from my cigarette, blowing out the smoke through my nose. "I should have known you were behind this!"

He had the audacity to act innocent. "Behind what?"

"Give it up, dad," I chuckled. "I don't get asked to cover a lot of weddings, not with me being listed as a _documentary_ photographer. I should have put two and two together when I found out the father of the bride was a surgeon at University College Hospital."

Dad had the good grace to look as busted as he was. "We just wanted to help out."

I looked away, pursing my lips around my cigarette, needing the ten second distraction a good pull from my smoke offered me to keep me from lashing out and saying things like 'too little, too late' or 'took you bloody long enough'.

"I guess a thank you is in order, then." I wasn't completely successful in keeping the venom out of my voice when I did speak but then again, he deserved no better.

A deep sigh told me he'd thought of that as well. "We never meant for this to happen, Edward."

"I know." I looked down, leaning on my arms. "But you didn't leave me with much of a choice either."

"And not a day has gone by since then that both me and your mother don't regret our actions that night," dad answered immediately. "We were deeply concerned about the road you were on but we had a very unfortunate way of communicating it."

"You've got that bloody right," I snorted, remembering the way they'd ambushed me and all but thrown me out of the house that day. "Did mum put you up to this?" I cringed slightly, remembering the look on mum's face that final night; pure, unadulterated disappointment.

It had hurt more than any of her words ever could. Which was saying something since a lot of harsh words had been said that night.

"No," dad answered. "I thought of this all on my own."

"I'm astonished," I snickered. I'd never known dad to be the kind of person to go all out with the grand gestures. "Let me guess: the father of the bride used to be one of your old chums, back in the Cambridge days."

He smiled. "Bingo."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Is _she_ here?"

"Mum?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah." I was certain dad knew bloody well who I meant, he was just asking me to stall for time. Which meant…..

"No." He sighed. "She had an important meeting with the District Board of Education she couldn't get out of."

"Ah." I nodded "So she sent you here to do the honors."

"Do the honors?" Once again dad proved how bad a liar he was by desperately trying to feign ignorance.

"Come on, dad!" I snorted. "We can beat around the bush all we want but at the end of the day we both know you're not just here to kick it back with the rest of the London medical crowd. I know mum sent you here on a mission to find out if her stubborn offspring is somewhere lying in the gutter, shooting heroin into his eyeballs."

Dad snorted. "I'd like to see you try that!"

"You know what I mean," I shrugged, "and just to make the whole fifth degree that much easier: I'm fine. I still live in Rome. I'm still doing the freelance photography thing. It's none of your business how much money I make and yes, I know I smoke too much and don't eat enough vegetables but we're all going to end up six feet under one day no matter how bloody healthy we live so I figure I may as well make the most of the days I have."

And just to drive my point across I reached into my pocked and pulled out my packet of smokes, tipping the bottom with my free hand and pulling out a cigarette with the other as I fumbled through my back pocket for my trusty Zippo. "And last but not least no, I'm not coming home."

"Edward." Dad watched on with a scowl as I went through the motions of lighting my cigarette, with a smoothness that betrayed how many times I'd done this in my life. A small moan leaving my lips as the sharp smoke burnt through my lungs. _God, I really needed that._

Dad shook his head at my obvious bliss. "Do you have to do that in front of me…..if front of a whole room of doctors?"

I shrugged, breathing out the smoke through my nose. "Why not?"

"No parent wants to see his child condemn himself to a future of lung cancer or emphysema," dad preached. "Besides…..wouldn't you be better off saving the money you spend for your 'habit' to buy some vegetables? God knows the cost on those 'death sticks' is high enough these days to turn even the richest of men into a beggar!"

I rolled my eyes at his blatant attempt to steer the conversation back onto the topic of money, the only subject I'd denied talking to him about. "Very subtle dad!" Mum must really have been chomping at the bits for information to get him to do her bidding that persistently.

"Well." He shrugged, fidgeting about a little as he scratched the back of his head. "How are you doing on money, son? Is everything okay? Do you need…"

"I'm doing fine dad," I interrupted him, lying though my teeth.

"Are you sure?" he countered, giving me the once over. "I somehow doubt you would have taken this job if you had – indeed – been doing fine."

_Can't the guy take a bloody hint? _

"I don't need help, dad," I barked, "and even if I did, you and mum would be just about the last two people I'd come to."

I looked away, not wanting to see the hurt look on his face even though the sharp intake of breath told me more than enough.

"I guess I deserved that," he spoke after a few minutes, his voice laced with regret. "I do hope….that is to say…. _we_ hope, that you'd not let your anger and pride stand in the way of your health and wellbeing."

His hand was on my arm, stopping me from trying to speak. "I do mean it, Edward. Your mother and I love you – unconditionally – even though we sometimes may not have acted in a way that seemed all too lovingly. Our only wish for you is to be happy and succeed in whatever you want to get out of life. If there is anything we can do to help…." He let his words linger, a heavy silence falling in their wake.

"I know," I sighed, going back to staring at the pretty scenery. Not that I was ever going to take him up on his offer. _But I guess he knew that too._

Dad sighed, his hands wrapping around the mossy stone railing separating us from the rolling countryside and the valley below. "Good."

"Do you have time for breakfast tomorrow?" I offered, throwing the butt of yet another cigarette into the wilderness below. I didn't want him to go home like this.

Dad shook his head, a sad smile on his face. "I fly back out tonight. In fact, I have to get going, if I want to make my flight on time. My taxi should be waiting for me out front."

I nodded. "Say hi to mum and Bea for me?"

"I will." This time his smile was free from all sadness, his arm tentatively reaching out toward me, his body only following when he realized I wasn't about to push him away. "They'll be so happy to hear from you – your sister especially. It's been great seeing you, son."

I patted his back, a little awkward in this strange kind of man-hug. "You too, dad."

"You know you can always….."

I rolled my eyes. _What was it with people trying to get me to come back home with them. Did I look like a lost puppy?_ "I know but I like it here."

He sighed in discontent but he let the matter go and that was as much as I could ask for. "Go get that taxi. You wouldn't want to miss your plane and keep mum waiting."

"Lord, no!" dad groaned, chuckling as he stepped away. "Take care of yourself, Edward."

"I will," I answered.

And like that, he was gone again.

I sighed, watching after him as he smoothly wove himself through the crowd on his way to the exit. Even after five years, things were still tense between the two of us. Over the years we'd somehow found a way around the stuff that lay in the past; sporadic phone calls and the odd postcard being just the thing to establish a new, though be it slightly shallow, relationship with the parentals.

I wasn't fooled, though, and, judging by my father's words, neither were they. They still wanted something from me which we all knew I couldn't give them.

We were at a crossroads; the same bloody intersection we'd been on for the last five years.

It was amazing how, after five years, that notion didn't even sting anymore.

_I guess time does heal all wounds. _

I didn't really resent my mum and dad for the harsh words they'd spoken to me on my final day at home. I knew they'd had expectations of me; expectations that required A-levels in biology and chemistry, a medical degree from Trinity College – the same Cambridge college my father was an alumni of – and a career at some well-respected hospital with a well-respected woman on my arm, two kids, a golden retriever and a nice home in the suburbs. Or even better: follow in my dad's footsteps and become a general practitioner.

In short: they'd expected me to be like them.

However, I had different expectations of life and what I wanted to get out of it. To me, the quietude and sedateness of suburbia, the natural habitat I'd gown up in, was so stifling it had almost sucked the life out of me at the age of seventeen and I couldn't wait to get out. Now I was well aware that following in my father's footsteps and setting out for Cambridge would have allowed me to do just that but in reality I really sucked at both biology and chemistry and I couldn't even be arsed to give a damn about the. fact that I was failing both.

Nope.

I did get two A-levels in the end, though, in photography and graphic design. Neither of them were subjects my parents were bragging to their friends about but they were the ones that secured my place at the Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design, one of the most prestigious art schools in London. Which was something _I_ was proud about, even if my parents didn't quite agree.

Their concerns about my well-being – their precious, protectively raised son subjected to the freedom and immorality of a bog city art school? They must have been bloody mortified! – were like a slap across the face to me.

I'd never felt so betrayed in my life.

They were right in the end, though, which was what made this all so fucking annoying. They'd been right to voice their concerns about sending me off to art school and they'd been right about me falling into the wrong kind of crowd.

God, how right they'd been!

That might have been the worst of it, actually. I would have braved their disapproval and harsh words any day of the week if, at the end of it all, I would have come out happy and knowing I'd done the right thing.

But I hadn't.

In fact, my stubbornness had been this close to undoing me…..killing me.

I shook my head, clearing it of all thoughts before they could linger on things I'd much rather forget, choosing instead to throw myself back into the fray of wedding guests and working without pause until even the last of the revelers had made it back to their hotel and I was in a cab riding back to mine.

It was only then that the emptiness returned, taking a name and an all too familiar face as I closed my eyes, my eyes automatically drifting to her.

Bella Swan.

I missed her.

Terribly.

Worse even since I'd traveled from Rome to here.

It was funny, in a completely messed up sort of way. I'd gone away from Rome, hoping a change of scenery –a scenery not tainted by memories – would free my mind from the complete and never wavering hold she had on it.

I was wrong.

Being here, surrounded by fine art in a city overrun by snotty American school kids littering every damn flat surface as they drew sketches of its buildings and artworks, I couldn't help but be reminded by her.

A familiar accent.

A head of beautiful brown hair, falling in soft waves around a woman's figure.

A pair of deep brown eyes staring back at me from behind a window pane.

Even the cities nickname reminded me of her; the lily white of her skin, its softness and sweet taste still so clear in my memory I could almost reach out and touch it.

_Bloody hell! I'm losing my fucking mind!_

I sighed, leaning my head back against the seat as I rubbed my face. For someone who'd been so eager to push the girl out of his life, I sure as hell had a hard time forgetting her. In fact, I was starting to see now that forgetting her would be a sheer impossibility, seeing as she'd already infiltrated my mind, my soul and every other damn part of me.

Especially after that e-mail.

I groaned, earning myself a funny look from the cab driver as the taxi slowly descended back into the valley that housed the splendid city of Florence.

That damned e-mail.

Keeping my distance from her had been one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do in my life. It went against the grain. Every part of my being wanted to write her, call her, reach out to her, get on a damn plane and travel a thousand miles just to be with her…but deep down inside I knew it was wrong.

Bella deserved better than to get caught up in some loser who couldn't even keep his own bloody head above water, let alone take care of her in the ways she should be taken care of. She needed someone who could be strong for her, rebuild the confidence that had been broken when that lousy cumstain of a husband cheated on her. She needed a stand-up kind of guy who could make her feel safe and be there for her when things got too much.

She needed all _that_.

Not a broke wannabe photographer with more baggage than Heathrow Terminal 5.

Besides….even if I wanted her now, she'd made it pretty clear to me that her opinion of me had plummeted to negative figures and I couldn't really blame her for it. After all, I'd done nothing but deserve the low opinion she currently had of me.

_You were so different the next day, so distant and withdrawn, that at times I started to wonder whether it was just a dream…._

It hurt, knowing I'd made her that confused….that angry. I had only been doing what I thought was in her best interests but now…..after that e-mail she sent me, I wasn't so sure.

_Forget it, Cullen!_ My voice of reason growled at me. _You want her back and you're just about egotistical enough to break a resolve you know is good because of one lousy e-mail. She'll forget you soon enough. _

Over the last couple of days, I'd grown to hate my voice of reason.

How could it be right when all that spoke out of Bella's words were confusion, disappointment and anger?

_No_. I shook my head, watching as the city lights got closer and closer until they welcomed us back into their midst. I'd made a mistake in pushing her away. I'd been a coward….the worst kind of hypocrite, pushing her away when it was clear that it was what neither of us wanted…..what neither of us _needed_.

And what was more? I'd been too much of a coward to admit it while Bella…

I sighed. She'd been so brave, coming at me guns blazing and admitting to her feelings when she had no way of knowing if I felt the same.

_I know you may laugh at me or think I'm ridiculous for saying this but I really felt something that night. I know now that I was probably the only one but I just wanted to let you know. That and I think you're a jerk, one that might take beautiful and thought provoking pictures but treats women in a way that can only be described as ugly. _

How right she was.

I _was_ a jerk.

An asshole.

And there was only one thing I could do about it: set this right.

"_Noi si siamo,"_ the taxi driver announced and, sure enough, as I looked up I saw the neon sign of my hotel.

"_Grazie_," I thanked him, quickly settling the bill before making my way across the street to the modest hotel that would be my home for the night.

I shot up the stairs, bypassing a pair of lovebirds groping each other like it was the apocalypse and the night custodian who looked like an older version of Neil from _The Young Ones_ in my haste get back to my room. I made a beeline for my bed, only stopping to carefully put my bag on the chair against the far wall and toe off my shoes before I crashed on the mattress, not bothering to take off my clothes or crawl under the covers.

I was asleep within five minutes, dreaming of her.

Just like I had every other night since I met her.

It was only a few hours later that the sound of a garbage truck driving noisily through the street woke me up, the alertness of my body letting me know I could forget about getting any more sleep today.

I groaned, scratching my chest as I lifted my other arm to look at the time. _Six thirty AM_. It would be six more hours before my train left.

Deciding to make the most of the time I'd left, I quickly splashed some water into my face, brushed my teeth and packed my bag. I figured I might as well take my stuff with me as I went into the city, since I didn't quite know where I would be going and I'd only bothered packing a toothbrush, a clean shirt and something to read for my two day trip to Rome.

I made my way onto the streets after checking out, the quiet of the otherwise so loud city seeming almost unnatural as I walked the length of the _Via Cavour_, bypassing the _San Marco Convent_ and the _Palazzo Medici Riccardi_ before ending up at the _Piazza del Duomo_, home of the famous domed _Cattedrale di Santa Maria dei Fiore_; the first domed building to be built in Europe since the fall of the Roman empire.

I smiled, remembering how I'd learned about Bramate's famous design in art school_. It seemed almost a lifetime ago….. _He'd won the design competition the city government of Florence had held even though nobody thought he'd actually make it work.

He did and to this day his design dictated the skyline of Florence, just like it had in the renaissance.

I paused for a while, leaning against a wall on the far side of the square to take a look at the magnificent building; the soft morning light casting a warm glow over the intricate pattern of dark green, soft pink and broken white marble, making it seem less busy than it did in the full brightness of the afternoon.

_I wonder what Bella would have thought about the exuberance of the white, green and pink marble and the elaborate masonry on the front elevation? _I chuckled, picturing the look that would have been on her face if she'd been standing right next to me there and then. _It would have probably been right up there with the Trevi Fountain. _

Taking a few pictures of the light kissing the side of the _Campanille_, the bell tower designed by Giotto, as well as some of the pigeons flittering across the square in search of food or whatever it was those bloody birds did, I made my way further into the city, though the _Via dei Calzaoili_ to the _Piazza dei Signoria_, home of the _Palzzo Vecchio_, mighty seat of the city government that had welcomed some of the most famous figures from the Italian Renaissance under its roof.

I smiled, down from the building to the huge statue of Michelangelo's _David_ standing in front of the entrance, it's disproportionally large hand and feet betraying that it was originally intended to stand on top of the building instead of in front of it. _But I guess that would have made it that much harder for all the tourists to take their pictures._

Snickering to myself I made my way through the archway and into the courtyard flanked on both sides by the famous Uffizi Gallery, the statues of famous thinkers, writers, painters, sculptors and other artists; artists I could never measure myself up against guiding me on my way towards the Arno river, the secret passage built by the Medici family so that they could safely get from the _Palazzo Vecchio_ to their family seat at the _Palazzo Pitti_ other side of the river weaving its way through the ancient architecture of this part of the city, blending into the homes and workshops on the banks and the _Ponte Vecchio_ as if it was the most normal thing in the world to need a fast escape route, high above the Florentine mob.

Ah, the _Ponte Vecchio_.

I smirked as its structure loomed up in front of me. I never really got what people saw in the bloody thing. I mean….it was just a bridge; a slab of concrete hanging between two strips of land and allowing people to get from the one end to the other without getting their feet wet or drowning. As far as bridges went, this wasn't even such a visibly appealing one either since it was so densely built-over that half the time you never even realized you were on the bridge. Besides, most of the time the bloody thing was so packed with tourists (and pick pockets) you couldn't even see from one end to the other. It was just like every other street in town, really, apart from the fact that the chances of you reaching the end of it without your wallet were about ten times as high as anywhere else.

At least the early hour meant the bridge was deserted when I crossed it, well, apart from a shop owner already cleaning her windows and a homeless geezer passed out against the marble railing in the midsection of the bridge, probably sleeping off his hangover. I took some pictures of both; the light falling through the opening over the path lending an exciting edge to the frames as I shot them.

They might be good.

_Might_.

I stopped for breakfast at a little place on the _Via dei Bardi_, knowing it would still be half an hour before the _Palazzo Pitti_ would open its doors and its gardens; strong _espresso_, a custard filled _cornetto_ and that morning's newspaper proving to be as good for killing time as anything else.

Wandering through the museum a few hours later, I felt that same agitation take hold of me that had been my constant companion ever since I'd opened Bella's e-mail three days ago, right before leaving Rome.

Since then I'd read her words so many times I almost knew it by heart but where her letter only made me feel ashamed of myself, the word document attached to it made me mourn what I'd lost.

What could have been….. if only.

I sighed, flopping my tired frame onto one of the benches, my eyes gliding over the paintings hung on the walls surrounding me until they stopped on a small frame, hung near the doorway, my breath stocking in my throat as my eyes studied the beautiful portrait of a young woman by Raphael.

I remembered from some stuff I'd read that the woman had been Raphael's mistress, the same one Vasari claimed killed the famous painter after a night of hot, steamy sex. But that wasn't what took my breath away.

It was _her_.

The eyes.

_Bella_.

How was it possible that someone who had lived half a millennium ago could have that same sweet, slightly hesitant and fragilely open nature that had captured me in living flesh a couple of weeks ago?

I didn't know.

What I did know was that right there and then I realized I had been a complete and utter fool for letting her slip away.

For even thinking I could forget her.

I closed my eyes, the pain of regret so strong that I couldn't look at the painting for one more second, instead diverting my eyes to other frames next to it.

Not that it worked. The picture had already been ingrained into my being, the veiled woman of Raphael slowly morphing into the woman I knew, the large brown eyes silently reproaching me for the lack of character I'd shown.

_God! I'd been such an asshole!_

The rest of my visit to Florence was spent wandering the corridors of the Palazzo and the lavish Boboli Gardens behind it at a frantic pace, my reason and want waging war inside of me until finally reason gave way to passion.

It was only a couple of hours later, as the _frecciarossa_ sped out of Florence's _Santa Maria Novella_ train station that I was able to log onto the internet and put my resolutions into action, my fingers typing even before my mind was able to catch up.

**From: Edward Cullen **

**To: Isabella Swan **

**Date: Wednesday, September 14 2011 at 16:33**  
**Subject: I'm sorry.**

_Bella,_

_To say that your brave words left me shocked would be the understatement of the century. I am in awe, the fact that you had the guts to do what I never dared only heightening my already high opinion of you. _

_Let me begin by apologizing, even though I know my apologies are late and probably completely insignificant to you now. You're right. I did act like an asshole that day and the days that followed. I'm sorry it made you doubt yourself. That was never my intention. I should have called or at least had the decency to write a more personal e-mail; one that would have been a depiction of what I really felt instead of what I thought to be 'right'. I know. I'm not making any sense. Blame the lack of sleep and the wedding I was forced to attend yesterday. _

_I know my actions are hard to justify and they may even turn out to be unforgivable but please believe me that I had my reasons for acting like a jackass, even though to you those reasons may not make that much sense, especially since I'm beginning to doubt them myself. I was doing what I thought to be right, though I now realize that may have been the biggest mistake in my life. _

_I know I have no right to ask this of you but if I offer an explanation will you read it? (or listen, if you prefer to do this over the phone) Please know that I have no expectations. I would completely understand it if you don't want to have anything to do with me after the way I acted, though I would be lying if I didn't admit that I hope you will hear what I have to say for myself. Even if that's all you want._

_I anxiously wait for your reply. _

_Yours,_

_Edward._

I hit 'send' before I could do as much as glance over what I'd read, immediately regretting my impulsivity when I started to realize that writing an e-mail at two in the afternoon after a series of nearly sleepless nights might not have been that great of an idea. This idea was only supported when I pulled up my e-mail, a groan escaping my lips when I read through the jumbled mess I'd just shot into Bella's mail box.

_Great, Edward! Now she'll probably think you're an idiot as well as an asshole!_

It was three days before she answered.

I'd all but given up hope when suddenly, after spending yet another day in town taking pictures I knew I was never going to sell, I got home late at night to an unread e-mail from Bella.

I stalled, afraid to find out her answer, as I puttered about in my room, cleaning my coffee table, rearranging the photo's pinned to the huge notice board on the wall, looking at the ones of her I had up there and smiling, because there were so many of them.

_Bella with her eyes closed, lying on the grass near the entrance to the Domus Aurea. _

_Bella's eyes in close-up as they stared at something in the distance with an enthusiasm that almost splashed from the frame_

_Bella sitting at the foot of the Spanish steps, her brown hair and dark clothes in stark contrast to the light stone that surrounded her._

_Bella…._

I sighed, knowing I had to look, my feet dragging as I forced my way back to the now pristine coffee table and finally opened the e-mail.

**From: Isabella Swan **

**To: Edward Cullen **

**Date: Wednesday, September 28 2011 at 1:15**  
**Subject: RE: I'm sorry.**

_I'll listen. _

I never knew two words could make a guy that happy, my hands frantically searching for my phone before my mind could play catch up and start voicing all the reasons why I should wait to call her – or not call her at all.

"Isabella Swan."

My heart jumped as I heard her voice, my lips unable to produce another reply that stupid. "Hey."

"Edward?" she sounded surprised.

"It's me," I clarified. "You told me I could call you."

"I did," she chuckled, sounding as nervous as I felt. "I didn't expect you to call so soon, though."

I smiled, running my free hand through my hair. "I know. I was just happy you said yes."

I could hear a muffled sound, a dull thud followed by a hushed curse. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," she chuckled. "I'm sorry, I was in the middle of unpacking when you called and my suitcase just fell off the bed when I was trying to move it around one handedly."

"Ah," I replied dumbly. "Are you sure this is the right time to call? I could….."

"It's as good a time as any," she answered.

The tension in the air was so strong you could almost touch it, making me stumble around like an idiot, looking for the right words to give her the explanation she deserved but, since I kept coming up blank, settling for idle chitchat instead. "So….you've been away?"

"I just got back from Austin," she explained.

I smiled. "Another business trip?" So she must have done well on her article about Rome.

"Yeah."

"Did you have a good time?"

"I did," she answered, her voice rising with enthusiasm. "We went to this music festival and toured the city before heading off to the ranch Jasper's parents own somewhere in this small little town on the Texas Plains…"

"Jasper?" I felt a sharp sting of jealousy shoot through my chest, my hands tightening around the phone as I thought of her – _my_ Bella – with another man. I knew I had no right to feel this way, seeing as I'd all but pushed her away but I somehow couldn't stop myself. My feelings for Bella ran too deep.

"He's one of the regular photographers we use for the magazine and he's from Texas," Bella's voice broke through the haze of green anger. "He agreed to show me around."

"Just like I did." I tried not to make my voice sound clipped and jealous but I don't know if I was altogether successful. _This was even worse. He'd been with her throughout her trip; seen that adorable look on her face when she saw something she really liked, the slight scrunch in her brows when she didn't understand something, the look of contentment at the end of the day…._

"Well, it was slightly different." I could almost feel her blush through the phone.

I chuckled, though I would be lying if I wasn't hugely relieved as well. "I'm glad to hear that."

We fell silent, the awkwardness of the silence heightened by the distance. I'd underestimated this. I thought it would be easier to talk to her than write all of this shit down in an e-mail because I could get her immediate feedback on the words. I hadn't factored in that feedback alone wasn't much help either, not when you were talking to someone like Bella who wore her feelings naked and plain as day in her eyes.

I missed those eyes.

"So." Bella sounded as awkward as I was feeling. "You had something to say to me?"

I closed my eyes, using the time it took me to light up a smoke to figure out how I was going to go about this thing. "I do….I….." I exhaled, wishing the right words would somehow start to magically roll off my tongue. "I just wanted to let you know that I…..I messed up. I know it now…..I acted like a complete asshole."

Bella sighed. "Yeah, you did."

"I'm sorry," I muttered.

"You keep saying that."

"I _am_," I pressed. "I never meant to hurt you, Bella. You have to believe me."

"You're making it awfully hard for me to do so." Bella's voice was raised – clipped – as she spoke. "One night you kiss me and make me believe we could have…..have _something_ together; that your feelings for me might be as strong as the feelings I have for you. Then, the next day….it's gone and you act as though it never really happened…..like you never really thought of me as anything but a friend….worse even: a client."

"I wish I did." I'd blurted out the words before I even realized it, knowing immediately I'd made a mistake.

"You wish….what?" Bella snapped.

"Please let me explain," I pleaded. "I want you, Bella, as a lover, not just as a friend. It's just…"

"Tell me, Edward," she pressed, a hint of desperation in her voice. "Please."

"I'm all wrong for you." There, I'd said it. "I could hurt you and you….you need someone who's there for you every day, not some loser who lives halfway across the world and only makes you cry. I wouldn't be good for you."

"And so you decided to…what? Push me away?" Bella asked. "Without even asking me what _I_ felt?"

"I only did what I thought would be in your best interest," I explained, knowing it would probably only piss her off even further. "I did what I thought would make you happy….in the long run."

"Don't you think that's a bit…." Bella started.

"Sanctimonious?" I offered. "Masculinly chauvinistic? Stupid?"

"Yeah," Bella chuckled. "All of that and more."

"I know." I nodded, taking another pull from my cigarette.

"This isn't eighteenth century Britain, Edward!" she scowled. "I think I'm pretty damn capable of deciding what's good for me or not all on my own!"

"I know." I sighed, stubbing the butt of my cigarette on the window frame and watching as it landed on the pavement three stories below.

Another awkward silence fell between us, both of us too busy trying to organize our thoughts in to something that make sense to bother holding a conversation.

Bella had listened to what I had to say for myself. At least that was one thing. It was quite another whether she would want to have anything to do with me now but at least she hadn't hung up on me. That was something, right?

"So where do we go from here?" Bella wanted to know.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I would…..I'd really like for you to give me chance to make this up to you."

"Edward." She sighed, sounding hesitant. "I'm not sure I can do that. I mean…..I like you, I really do but how could I ever trust you not to walk out again – not to make one-sided decisions against things that involve me….. that involve my heart?"

"You don't," I replied, knowing there was no other way to put it. "You'd have to take a chance on me and trust me to have learned my lesson."

"And you have?" She sounded so fragile…so vulnerable. It broke my heart. "You _have_ learned your lesson?"

"Bella." I sighed, leaning my head against the window frame as I looked out over the city. "If there's anything the last couple of weeks has taught me, it's that I don't _want_ to stay away from you anymore." I took a deep breath, going all in, just like she had. "And even if I somehow wanted to, I doubt I _could_ at this point."

She was silent for a few moments – a few excruciating moments – before she spoke again. "Okay."

"Okay?" I wasn't quite sure what she meant and I didn't dare to hope…..

"I'm not saying we're going to be okay," she was quick to add, "I'm just saying that I'll be willing to give this thing another shot. If you want to, that is."

I grinned, breathing easy for the first time in weeks. "Try and stop me."

She chuckled, the sound of her smile warming my heart after the seriousness of your conversation. "Just remember: no promises."

"No promises," I repeated.

It was all I could wish for.

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_**There's still time to vote in the Avantgarde Awards. Absolution was nominated in the 'Best Shock Value' category, along with a whole lot of other, amazing stories. https:/ spreadsheets (dot) google (dot) com/viewform?formkey=**_

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	9. The City that Never Sleeps pt2

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**This story wouldn't be what it is without my wonderful beta, **_**The Real Teacher**_**, holding my hand and correcting my many errors. Thank you so much!**_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. The link is on my profile page. **_

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**Chapter 9 – The City that Never Sleeps**

_**Probably because it has as much on its mind as I have.**_

"No way!" I chuckled as I listen to Edward rant on the other end of the line. "That's a bloody travesty, Bella, and you know it!"

"Hey!" I defended myself. "I'm entitled to having my opinion! My mom taught me better than to meekly follow the rest of the sheep."

"In this case sheep are right," Edward insisted. "Sean Connery had more 'Bond' in his bloody toenails than Roger Moore in his entire body."

"Come on, Edward!" I huffed. "He had the tall, sleek body and the 'gentleman act' down to a 't', even you have to admit _that_. Besides….._The Spy Who Loved Me_ happens to be my all time favorite _Bond_ movie and he's in it so, by association, he _has_ to be my favorite _Bond_."

Edward groaned audibly. "For such a lovely girl you sure have a piss poor taste in movies, love."

I was barely able to suppress a gasp. _Love_. He'd called me love. The rational side of me was quick to kick in and tell me that it was just a pet name and that it didn't have to mean anything but it was already too late to stop my heart from fluttering and spreading warmth all through my body, from my cheeks to my toes.

"Next thing you're going to tell me you cried watching _Titanic_," Edward went on, completely oblivious to my little moment.

I rolled my eyes, back in command of my senses. "Everybody cries watching _Titanic_."

"I didn't," Edward countered.

"Fine, every _girl_ cries watching _Titanic,"_' I specified. "Though I happen to remember that back when I watched that movie in Port Angeles with some of my friends, there was this guy sitting a few rows behind us who started blubbering the minute Jack and Kate stepped onto that railing and didn't stop until the credits rolled in."

Edward chuckled. "He's a disgrace to the male species. I only saw that movie once – mind you: only because my mum and my baby sister forced me to – and all I could do to jump up and fist pump when I watched that tosser sink to the bottom of the ocean was the fact that I knew mum and Bea would have my guts for garters if I did."

I shook my head, rolling my eyes at him for the second time in a short while. "You're such a guy!"

"I know," he chuckled proudly and I could almost see the smugness on his face even though there were thousands of miles between us at that moment. "You know….one day you're going to very happy that I am 'such a guy'."

I blushed, figuring what he was hinting at. "You're awfully certain of yourself."

"I've had no complaints," he countered lightly.

I didn't know what to say next. I mean, I couldn't respond with a witty comeback because, with my lack of experience and complete lack of confidence when it came to everything sexual, there simply was none.

I had no idea how to do this…..this fast-and-witty-banter-with-the-other-sex-that-mostly-came-down –to-innuendo kind of thing. There had only been Mike for me. He'd been the only man I'd ever had sex with. Hell, he'd been the only man I'd ever even kissed before I met Edward.

My whole experience with men came down to him and, though we'd had a very satisfactory sex life – at least, I thought we had – Mike had never been too forthcoming with compliments or anything else that could boost a girls confidence in the bedroom.

"Sooooo," I drawled, trying to change the subject as well as steer the conversation into a different alley. "You used to watch movies with your mom and sister?"

Even though Edward had been more forthcoming with details about his life during our phone talks, he rarely ever mentioned his family or the life he'd lived before he ended up in Rome. Sure, I'd found out through his answers that there was a mother, a father and a sister living in England and that most of his friends resided in Berlin but as far as details went, that was pretty much it.

I had a feeling though that whatever happened between him and his family wasn't exactly pretty. He hadn't given me much to go on in this but what he had said as well as his whole demeanor whenever our talks brushed on the subject of family made me think that there was some major pain between them.

Something he wasn't ready to talk about.

I only knew too well how that felt so I gave him his space, even though it made me feel frightfully uneasy and more nervous about this whole bi-continental relationship thing than I already was.

"Yeah," Edward answered his voice heavy with nostalgia. "Wednesday used to be our movie night before I left home. That is…mum and Bea usually picked a movie and then harassed me into coming down to watch it with them."

"Poor you!" I snickered.

"I guess it was alright," he admitted. "We usually had a lot of fun, even though I still shudder to think of the amount of chick flicks I was forced to watch!"

"Again: poor you!" I rolled my eyes, thinking it couldn't have been too hard on young Edward to watch a few romcoms with the people he loved. "Though really, don't you miss it?"

It took him some time to answer and when he did his voice sounded far away; further than the many miles already lying between us. "Sometimes."

I sighed. "You're going to tell me one day, right?"

"One day," he repeated, another awkward silence falling in the wake of his words. "I'm sorry. I don't want to give you the feeling I'm keeping you at arm's length or anything it's just…"

"It's okay, Edward," I spoke, interrupting his ramblings. "I understand."

I'd always had a great relationship with my parents and brother, even though I also kinda liked not having them that close by at times, but I could imagine that talking about those kinds of problems wasn't exactly easy, especially not when the person you were talking to was too far away to gauge his or her reaction.

Hell, I still didn't know what came over me that day when I told him about me and Mike and Edward had been sitting right across from me that night. I'd never done that kind of thing before and I didn't see myself doing it again.

No, if there was anything my bitter divorce from Mike had taught me, it was that it took time – and sometimes a hell of a lot of time – before you were at the point where you wanted to 'talk about things', even though it seemed to be all the rest of the world wanted to do.

"I just…." Edward went on. "I really like you…you know I do…. but….." His voice trailed off and if I wasn't mistaken I could hear a little growl of frustration on the other side of the line.

"This isn't something you just blurt out over the phone?" I offered.

"Yeah." He chuckled nervously. "Look. Can we talk about something else? I shouldn't be dumping this crap on you in the first place, not with you being all jetlagged and shit."

"The time difference between New York and Costa Rica only is one hour, _Einstein_. I don't think that's going to do much damage to my sleeping patterns!" I chuckled, hoping Edward wasn't going to catch me on my little white lie. Truth was, I still felt pretty tired after coming in late last night, even though I was only working a half day today. Six days of hanging suspended between two fucking high trees on a flimsy bit of rope did that to you. "I have to go, though. My cab is just pulling up in front of work."

"I'll let you go, then." The smile in Edward's words was so clear I could almost see it if I closed my eyes. "Have a great day, Bella."

"You too, Edward. Good night." I sighed as I ended the call, blushing as I caught the cab driver roll his eyes through the rearview mirror. He looked like he was about ten seconds away from making some sort of sarcastic or crass remark.

"Keep the change." I narrowed my eyes, throwing some cash at him to keep him distracted as I headed for safety, waiting until I was out of earshot before I added a well deserved 'asshole' under my breath.

_Gosh, I was getting more like the snappy New York girl my dad had warned me about every day! _

_Should I be worried?_

I thought about that all the way up to the 22nd floor, absentmindedly waving at the receptionist as I walked past her and into the open plan office space, only stopping when I'd reached the comfort of my own trusty little cubicle. _Hello, desk. I've missed you._

I let out a content little sigh as my ass made contact with the soft covering of my desk chair, the office appliance squeaking with delight (and old age) as I rolled it towards my desk.

"No girl should have any business looking like you do just from sitting in a chair," Riley's voice sounded from awfully close. "Girl, you look like someone just gave you the biggest 'O' of your life!"

I cranked one eye open, looking straight into his face as he smirked back at me. "Get lost Biers."

"Ooh! Someone's letting the fame get all on up in her pretty little head," he sang, twisting his body out of range just in time to avoid a fist flying at him, though I had to admit that my attempt to slap him away was halfhearted at least. I still hurt too much to do any sort of physical labor right now.

"Not now, Riles," I groaned. "I'm way to tired and sore to fight with you."

His eyes shone with glee as he waggled his eyebrows. "Looks like Miss Swan got a good workout on her trip to Costa Rica."

"I did," I snorted, "but not in the way you're implying." _Not when Edward was still stuck on the other side of the Atlantic. _

"So talk to me, gorgeous," he insisted, scooting his chair over from his cubicle to mine. "What was your trip like?"

"It was amazing," I gushed, thinking about how only yesterday I was surrounded by the lush greenness of the rainforest, kicking it back in my tree cabin after four days of hacking my way through the trees. "A bit hands on at times, though."

Riley arched his brow. "Hands on can be good…so what did your guide look like? Was he a hottie?"

That, right there, was exactly why I'd never told him about Edward. Ever since he'd learned of my messy divorce and subsequent four year dry spell he had made it his personal endeavor to get me laid. Seriously, I was beginning to suspect he and Rose were in cahoots or something.

I just knew that if I told him about Edward and the possibility of sex somewhere in my (hopefully) not too distant future, he was going to post it all over the bulletin board. Seeing as I was still in my probation period and 'screwing around with the tour guide' was bound to be in violation of some office code of conduct, Riley would be better off not knowing.

"Not that hands on!" I groaned. "And my guide was a man of about forty with a whole wallet filled with happy, smiling kids and a pornstache that would make my dad see green with envy."

"Hmm." Riley had the nerve to look disappointed. "Maybe better luck next time, Swannie."

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe."

"So….were there spiders?" Riley went on, getting back on topics.

"Yep."

"Big ones?"

I shifted around in my seat, the nightmare-of-all-fucking-humongous-spiders I'd encountered somewhere in the thick Costa Rican jungle on my second day out still fresh in my mind. "Yep."

Riley's eyes almost budget out of their sockets. "You didn't get bitten, did you?"

"Nope," I chuckled. "Though it may have been awesome to end up having superpowers. It would have made the ziplining and canyoning that much easier if I wasn't so afraid of faceplanting into an untimely death."

"Get out of town!" Riley cried, jumping up from his chair much to the shock of half the office space. "You went _ziplining_? I thought you were afraid of heights?"

"I used to be afraid of everything," I chuckled, feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment as I thought back on my treetop adventure. "Not anymore, though."

"I bet you didn't think that when you were standing on the ledge and getting ready to jump!" Riley teased.

"Hell no!" I snorted. In fact, standing on that ledge looking out over the very pretty but also very high treetops of the Costa Rican rainforest I had been quick to make up my mind and decide that there was no way I was going to leave the safety and security of the platform for a stringy bit of rope, suspended between two trees high above the ground.

In the end, all pep talks and words of comfort from my guide aside, there had been only one thing that had made me take the plunge. "If I wasn't so scared of what Jane was going to say if she found out I'd chickened out, I would have walked away right there and then and never regretted it for a single second."

I smiled more memories of that day flooding back into my brain. "I'm glad I didn't, though. Conquering your fears really rocks and the view…." It had really felt like I'd been on top of the world and yet I'd also never felt so….surrounded by it either.

"I'm glad we have you back in one piece, Swannie," Riley smiled, ruffling my hair even though he knew I hated it when he did that. "Now go write some kickass article about it before Jane walks in and finds us slacking it up….again."

"Asshole!" I grumbled, tentatively brushing my hand over my hair only to feel a complete rats nest where only moments before a not-great-but-not-completely-horrendous-either hairdo had been. "Now I have to schlep my sore ass all the way to the ladies room to fix this mess!"

All I got in response was a distant snicker, as Riley had already retreated back behind the safety of the wall separating his work space from mine.

As soon as I got back from fixing my hair I set to work at outlining my Costa Rica article. I knew it wasn't going to go to print in quite a while but I wanted to get a rough draft out while everything was still fresh in my mind. There would be plenty of time for adding, scrapping and fine-tuning later when distance had made me more objective. Right now I just needed to write down everything I remembered.

I was so caught up in my work that I didn't even hear Jane and Rose get back in, the only thing reminding me of my four o' clock appointment with the boss being my Blackberry, ringing me annoyingly out of my trance and Rose's face appearing only minutes later.

"You'd better get your ass in there now, Bella," she urged me on. "We've just been upstairs and you know how those meetings make her feel….."

I sighed, not really loving the fact that I was going in there when Jane was probably still all cranky and annoyed form having the big boss and his team of accountants telling her for the millionth time that she had to cut back on the costs. "Wish me luck."

"I'll have an ambulance on standby," Rose snickered, pushing me in the direction of Jane's office as she slid into her own work space.

Luckily she was only able to push me so far, my feet faltering on the doorstep giving me just enough time to suck in a deep breath, pull my shoulders back and plaster a look of fake confidence on my face before I went in.

"Isabella." I jumped at the sound on my voice, appearing seemingly out of nowhere until Jane swung her seat around, revealing herself. "I'm happy to see you're back safe and sound."

With her I was always wondering whether she said that because she was genuinely happy to see me safely back or because she knew that my death or injury would mean more costs and more paperwork. "I've already started my article," I stated, knowing that this was what she wanted to hear, not me gushing about my trip.

"Good." She pursued her lips, her fingers rifling through a small stack of papers on her desk. "Have a seat."

The fact that she asked me to sit down did nothing to quench my nerves. In fact, the knowledge that she was apparently foreseeing a lengthy conversation had me doing a mental inventory of all my sins, wondering if this was the day I was going to get sacked.

"You know I've just come from upstairs?" Jane asked, seemingly unaware of my quiet state of panic.

I nodded, not quite knowing what to say.

"You'll be happy to know that they were very satisfied with the quality of your work." I breathed a sigh of relief knowing I might not get fired after all.

"They did, however express their concerns about the cost of your travel column," Jane went on, her lips pulling into a small smile, "which I have to say rather surprised me since it was they who actually pressured me into doing this in the first place and your articles – though on the costly side – still coming in under the budget we used for the fashion shoot it replaced."

I cringed slightly, remembering how Alice's enthusiasm about my new career opportunity had diminished slightly when she'd found out how it went at the expense of hers.

"I did manage to make them see reason in the end," Jane went on, sitting back as she proudly regaled her battle with the accountant-army, "though this means that, once you've completed your trial period, you will probably have to combine trips to save some money on airfare."

I nodded. "I can do that."

"Good," Jane replied, though I doubted her last remark had been up for discussion even if I did have an objection to spending more time abroad. "I liked what you did on the Hong Kong article. The theme of urban estrangement really worked with the pictures you used. Have you decided on an angle for your Costa Rican article yet?"

I swallowed, now used to getting compliments from my boss. "I…I was thinking about using nature and the destruction of rainforests as my staring point?" I stammered, looking for clues in Jane's carefully botoxed face.

"Hmm," Jane pondered, her eyes tightening as she thought about it though I wasn't sure whether that was a good or a bad thing. "Make sure it doesn't venture into the world or the overused. No one needs another lecture on how bad men are killing nature. That's been done too many times…..and honestly? Most people would just find that annoying to read."

I nodded, not quite knowing what to make of her comments. _Did she want me to follow through on this or abandon my plan because it was too corny?_

She remained silent for some time, angling her chair so that she could look out the window while still keeping an eye on me.

I frowned, wondering if this was the time to quietly bow out or whether she had more to discuss with me. I was too chickenshit to ask, though.

"This Edward Cullen." I looked up, patiently waiting for her to say more, her statement coming completely out of the left field. "Did you enjoy working with him?"

I blushed, not really knowing what to say. "He's …erm….very good at his job," I finally spoke, settling on something so commonplace not even Jane could find fault with it.

"He is," she acknowledged, narrowing her eyes as they drifted back to the pages in front of her. "He reminds me of Jasper Whitlock back in the day when I'd just discovered him."

I sucked in a sharp breath, knowing Jane's approval could mean so much more to Edward's career than just a flattering compliment. It could _make_ him.

"Would you be interested in working with him again?"

I looked up, my mind still playing catch up as Jane kept on talking. "W-what?"

Jane's eyes narrowed again, her flawlessly ageless head tilting to the side as she looked at me before turning to its normal, neutral, businesslike state. "You've got the Paris trip coming up next, don't you?" She waited for me to nod. "What would you think about taking this Edward Cullen with you for a repeat performance?"

I swallowed hard, barely resisting the urge to belt out a 'hell yes' as I weighed my words carefully before speaking. "I think that would be a good idea."

"Good," Jane answered, not that I expected anything other than that (or she anything other than meek subjugation from me, for that matter).

I was too much in my own mind to care, though, my thoughts already running back in Edward's direction. _As if they'd ever left. _

Jane liked his work.

I couldn't even begin to describe how big an opportunity that posed for him.

He'd never come out and flat out admitted it but I knew Edward was struggling back there in Rome. There were these tiny clues, one being the fact that he was almost always available as he had been when Angela had made that last minute appeal on him to step in as my tour guide, the second being his humble apartment in Trastevere. _I somehow doubted Jane would ever set foot inside that building without a constructional surveyor checking out the place to see if it was safe first. _

From what I knew – my experience with the world of photography mostly consisting of the stuff Jasper had told me or the things I'd found out through Alice – most successful photographers led a life that was even more nomadic than the one Edward had been living up until now; living out of a suitcase and moving from one shoot to the next until they had a small gap in their busy schedules to come up for air.

Take Jasper, for instance. Ever since we'd said goodbye at _Bergstrom International Airport_ following the week we'd spent touring Austin and Texas he hadn't even set foot back into New York, his job taking him first to Chicago for the opening of his first gallery exhibition, then to Mexico for a shoot and finally to Australia for his next project.

Not that my own schedule had been any less hectic.

I smirked, feeling the strain for my first two months as a travel journalist in my body. It had been amazing, that much was for sure, my new job allowing me to see and experience places I'd never imagined visiting. After Rome and Texas, my third trip had taken me to Hong Kong where I'd experienced the surrealism of a modern cityscape that might even put the skyline of New York to shame, set in an ancient eastern tradition that flowed through the modern architecture like a visible undercurrent of culture, learning and …._being_.

After that, finding myself exploring the caves beneath the Arizona desert was almost surreal; the humid, earthy surroundings offering a stark contrast to the almost clinical modern architecture of the city. And, of course, my latest adventure in Costa Rica.

I loved it…..every aspect of it, even though there were still moments – a lot of moments – that had me freaking out and wondering why on earth I'd ever accepted Jane's proposal in the first place. Still, those thoughts never lasted for long. In spite of all the hard work and long hours I felt as though finally, for the first time in my life, I was coming to life.

I was really living.

And I had Edward to share all of this with.

Sure, we still had a lot of hurdles to take on our way to having a 'real' relationship – the distance thing being only one of many – but right now, after all the time we'd spent talking and chatting, I had a feeling that we at least stood a chance.

There was _something_ as opposed to the nothingness I'd left behind when I got back from Rome.

Besides….I was also coming to the conclusion that I was growing more and more dependent on our talks. Talking to him made me feel like everything was possible…like I wasn't just some small town girl trying to make it in the big city but that I was really something.

Someone worth knowing.

Someone worth _loving_.

The thought of love; that four letter word popping up in connection to Edward when – in all honesty – I barely even knew the guy, was enough to shock me out of my thoughts.

Really, Swan, what were you thinking? It's waaaaaaay to soon for that. And in your boss' office none the less. Next thing you know you'll be conjuring up all sorts of schemes for him to barge in, chuck her out and have his wicked way with you all over this lovely glass desk….

_Fuck_!

I swallowed hard, shifting in my seat as I noticed that, mercifully, Jane was too busy studying the papers on her desk to notice the blush on my cheeks. As soon as she heard me move, one of her hands came up, waving me away without even looking up from her work. "That will be all."

I nodded even in spite of the fact that I knew she wouldn't be able to see it and hurried out of her office, as always more relieved to be making my way out of there than I ever would be making my way in.

"Still employed?' Rose asked, craning her slender neck away from the flat screen for a few seconds to see if I'd come out of the office unscathed.

"Yep," I grinned. "She even gave me a compliment."

"No shit!" Rose's eyes went wide with surprise. "This calls for a celebration. Call the midget and set something up."

I chuckled, pulling my blackberry out of the pocket of my cardigan. "How about I do it now and you get a say in the venue?"

"You know me so well, Swan," Rose grinned, both o us waiting for Alice to pick up.

"I'm here but make it snappy. We're just about to run our second set of frames." Alice spoke a mile a minute as she finally picked up the phone.

"Good day to you too, Tinkerbell!" Rose teased. "Bella and I were thinking of hitting a bar later on to celebrate the fact that our little girl got the thumbs up from Jane. You game?"

"Of course, count me in!" Alice squealed, followed by a virtually inaudible string of praises directed at me. "Look, I've gotta go," she finally continued at a slower pace. "How about we meet up at _Prohibition_ on Amsterdam when you get out? I've already promised the guys from the shoot I was tagging along with them but we can always see if we want to stay or not….."

"Works for me," Rose said, looking at me for confirmation. "We'll see you there. Now go kick some butt, Tiny Tim." She broke the connection before Alice could go off on another rant about being called Tiny Tim.

"You know how much she hates that!" I chuckled, pocketing my phone.

"I do," Rose grinned, looking rather smug. "I figured that with the shoot gearing up, Ally would benefit from having someone light a firecracker under her ass."

I shook my head, laughing at Rose's tactics. "Poor models. They won't know what hit them."

I went back to work after that, trying to focus on getting my outline done but finding it harder and harder with every minute that passed. Not with the news I was sitting on.

I couldn't wait to tell Edward.

_In fact….I might even…_

A throat was scrapped before I could finish that sentence in my head, Rose's Amazonian figure leaning against the wall of my cubicle. "As much as I hate to disrupt a good daydreaming session when I see it, I was kinda wondering if you were ready to head out to that bar Alice mentioned. I'm thirsty."

"I'll just lock up here and I'll be good to go," I answered, quickly saving and closing the document and logging off for the day.

We took a cab to the Upper West Side, neither of us feeling much like walking even as far as the next subway station; me because I was still feeling the legacy of five days of hands-on rainforest and Rose because….well, she never walked.

"Is Ally there yet?" Rose asked as the cab bypassed Central Park.

"Don't know," I shrugged. "I'll give her a call."

"Hey Bella!" Alice's voice screeched over the background noise as she picked up. "Wassup?"

"You there yet?" I asked, the sounds of laughter sounding the background already answering the question before Alice confirmed it. Not only that, but she'd been there long enough to get at least two drinks into her system because there was no way Alice Brandon was talking ghetto speak if she was still completely sober.

"Oh, fuck," Rose muttered as a booming guffaw echoed through the background noise. "Ally? Please tell me _Hansel_ isn't in there with you?"

"Hansel? Hansel? Who the hell do you mean?" I was trying to hold in my laughter but Alice wasn't making it that much easier. "I've never worked with anyone called Hansel."

"She means the guy you used of the shoot in the Japanese Garden," I explained. "You know, the one where Rose and I brought you lunch?"

"Ah! You mean Emmett?" Alice squealed.

"The steroid freak, yes," Rose scowled, probably guessing by the tone of her voice that Alice's thoughts had wandered into a direction quite opposite from hers. "Is he there?"

"He's here, yes," Alice answered cautiously, probably having picked up on the decidedly icy undertone. "Is that a problem?"

I chuckled as Rose grumbled something under her breath, figuring Alice would probably be better off if I answered that question. "Not as long as you keep him away from our Rosie. Emmett took quite a shine to her the last time they met but unfortunately he knew how to put all the wrong things together in one sentence."

"I see," Alice giggled. "Well, I'll see what I can do to prevent this from turning into a bloodbath."

"Thanks!" I smiled, watching Rose sulk as she stared out of the window. "I'll see you in a bit."

I turned my attention back to the pissed off blonde next to me after I hung up. "Get a grip, Rose! No guy can be that bad!"

"I bet _he_ is," Rose scowled. "You were there, Bella. You _heard_ him!"

I rolled my eyes, really not seeing her point. "All I heard was how he tried to make small talk with you during a dead moment on the shoot."

"He called me _pretty_!" Rose seethed.

I rolled my eyes, my voice dripping with sarcasm as I spoke. "The audacity! He should be shot!"

"Seriously, Bella," Rose insisted. "I don't see how you can defend him. The guy is 175 lbs of pure, unadulterated windbag!"

"And if he hadn't been working as a model, you would have taken him home without a shadow of a doubt!" I countered. "By the way….how do you know how much he weighs?"

Whatever flashed through her eyes, Rose was able to contain it before it would make itself known to the rest of the world. "Just an educated guess," she snapped. "I'm just saying: make sure that guy stays out of my hair tonight or I won't be held accountable for the consequences."

I snorted. "Duly noted."

We pulled up in front of the bar a few seconds later, the green and brown interior and the twenties style murals giving it a cozy feel while the crowd was definitely hipper than the one you'd find in your average neighborhood pub. I could see why Alice had picked it, seeing as it looked like the kind of place where models and noted fashion photographers would kick it back after a hard day of work.

When we got there, Alice was floating around us on a pink cloud immediately pulling me aside to announce that – finally – Jasper had asked her out.

Jasper winked at me from across the room, knowing that no one was paying attention to him – except me – and I knew he'd gotten my not-so-subtle hint back in Austin. "That's great, Ally!" I cried, hugging my cousin. "I'm so happy for you!"

"I can't believe we both managed to find such great guys, Bella!" Alice squealed.

"Great _guys_?" We both looked up as Rose let out a very unladylike snort, her fierce eyes zeroing in on me. "What? You're back with that spineless twerp from Rome?"

I sighed. "He's not a spineless twerp, Rose. He explained it all to me and…"

"I still can't believe you're giving that jackass another shot, Bella!" she cried, sipping on her dirty martini. "If he was so quick to blow it the first time, there's a pretty good chance he's gonna do it again."

Alice rolled her eyes in annoyance. "It's always the silver lining with you, isn't it Rose?"

"Seriously, Bella," Rose went on. "You'd do good to get out before you get too attached or you'll only set yourself up for heartbreak."

"I believe in him," I replied with what conviction I could muster.

I sighed, brushing my hair out of my face. The truth was, that after a month of talking to him almost every day – whether online or on the phone – I still didn't have him figured out which meant that I still wasn't completely sure whether or not I could trust him not to break my heart. Which had me in kind of a conundrum. Not that I was going to tell Rose. "He promised me he wasn't going to do that shit again and I believe him."

Rose's eyebrows shot all the way into her hairline. "You _believe_ him?"

"I have to," I said before Rose could say something about my naïve trust in the other sex. "Because when it comes to getting attached…..it's already too late."

"Well I think it's romantic," Alice gushed.

Rose looked at her as if she'd gone completely mental before shaking her head. "I'm going to need another drink if you two bitches are going to be like this all night….all loved up and boy crazy."

"She's saying that as if that's a bad thing," Alice snorted as we watched her sashay across the bar, much to the delight of most of the male clientele.

"It could be," I muttered, sipping on my glass of wine.

"Don't worry, Bella," Alice said softly, her hand slipping around my shoulders. "I have a good feeling about this."

I smiled, shaking my head. "You know? No matter how many times you repeat this, I still don't believe you have psychic powers. Never have, never will."

"Aunt Renee thinks so," Alice pouted.

"My mother also thinks she can summon the rain by dancing around naked in our backyard."

"It worked, didn't it?" Alice countered.

I snorted. "We live in Forks, Ally, the town with the most overcast days in the whole continental US! Which means that if it isn't already raining, it's going to do so pretty damn soon. She would have earned more street cred if she would have made the rain _stop_."

"Touché," Alice grinned, her eyes darting across the room to the place where Jasper was talking to a bunch of guys from the shoot. "Thanks Bella."

I frowned. "For what?"

"Seriously?" Alice smirked sarcastically as she looked at me. "Jasper Whitlock gets back to New York after being away for five weeks and the first thing he does is ask me – little old me – out on a date? That's no coincidence, especially not when he spent the first of those weeks traipsing around Texas with you."

I shrugged. "Just looking out for you."

The pressure on my arm as she wrapped her tiny hand around it was a little too much for comfort. "What did you tell him?"

"Not that much." I knew she wasn't going to believe me, even if it was the truth. "I just asked him if he was ever going to grow a pair and ask you out and then, when he didn't seem too opposed to the idea, I told him that if he did, you'd probably say yes."

Alice's eyes grew to the size of saucers. 'No, you didn't!" she gasped, clamping her hand over her mouth, making the rest of what she was saying inaudible.

"I did," I chuckled, as I wrestled my arm free from her chokehold and patted her on the shoulder. "And one day soon, you're going to love me for it."

Alice opened and closed her mouth a few times without any actual sound coming out of it, making her look more like a fish on dry land than the kickass art director she really was. "I guess so," she finally conceded with a goofy smile.

I laughed along with her, knowing just how she felt. "Believe me, you will."

"I hope Jasper…" Alice started, the sentence abruptly ending in a loud gasp. "Oh my God!"

I looked up, my face contorting into a grimace of pain as Alice grabbed hold of my arm again my eyes following Alice's to the bar to see what all the fuzz was about.

"Is that guy suicidal?" I breathed, watching mutely as, on the other end of the bar, Emmett slowly advanced in the direction of where Rose stood, having been sidetracked by one of the female models working on the shoot.

"I don't know," Alice answered.

"You did tell him about….."

"Of course I did!" Alice scowled. "Who the hell do you think I am? I may be known as a tough shoot director but I'm no Idi Amin or something!"

She took a few seconds to breathe before she continued. "I kinda like Emmett and his adorable small town ways. I'd never send an innocent little lamb like him out to meet a big hungry beast like Rose."

I knew that to the outside observer we weren't making that much sense at that moment. Sure, Rose may have been standing tall at an imposing 5 ft 10 of leggy blonde seduction but she was no match for Emmett and his huge, hulking, All American linebacker posture.

"I do hope she isn't going to go for the face," Alice whimpered as Rose squared up, her body exuding hostility as she angled it towards Emmett. "Emmett told me today that he's going to fly out to Florida tomorrow for a Ralph Lauren shoot which could be so good for his career…"

"Unless our dear friend roughs him up," I finished as Emmett, obviously either really brave or really dumb (or a combination of both) started to speak.

Rose's reaction was imminent. We could almost hear her hiss from across the crowd, her Amazonian frame rearing up for battle in the same way we'd seen her do so many times we could almost sketch what was coming up next.

But it didn't.

"What the hell…" Alice started as Emmett leaned in and whispered something in Rose's ear. "Do you…."

"I have no idea." I shook my head, my eyes widening as Rose, instead of kicking his ass or breaking his nose started to laugh, her shoulders dipping down from battle mode again as she said something to Emmett, gathered her drink and sashayed away in the way she usually reserved for guys she _was_ interested in.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale, you have some explaining to do, young lady!" I cried as Rose finally joined us again, her cheeks a little flustered from her run in with Emmett.

"What?" she scowled.

"What?" Alice snorted. "You had a guy you hate coming onto you and all you did was wink at him and walk away? Are you feeling unwell, Rose?"

"No?" she replied, but the slight waiver in her voice told us everything we needed to know.

"What did he say to you?" I demanded.

"Nothing important," Rose hissed, her annoyance seeping in through her voice. "He's just some dumb little upstart model who thinks he's a major player."

She huffed, her eyes narrowing as they zoned in on Emmett across the bar. "I'd pity him if he wasn't so annoying."

Pity or not, it didn't escape our notions how, every time she thought we weren't looking, her eyes would drift back to Emmett, her eyes growing more pensive and less annoyed every time they did.

Still, they both went back home alone a couple of hours later; Rose to her swanky Upper East Side loft and Emmett to the downtown model apartment he shared with a bunch of other guys without any more words shared between them and with Rose still shouting from the rooftops how annoying he was.

"Do you think he'll be able to win her over?" I asked as Alice and I made our way into the subway station on 86th.

"I hope so," Alice answered, smiling as she looked out over the platform. "It would be so romantic….."

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "Only you would say that!"

"It is!" Alice defended herself. "Just think about it: the brave knight…or model in shining…erm….designer clothes moves in to thaw the heart of the ice maiden; forever condemned to a life of meaningless one night stands by the ghosts of disastrous boyfriends past."

I rolled my eyes. "Now all you need to figure out is how to throw an Ebenezer Scrooge type character in there and you're all set up for the next huge Christmas story."

"You may laugh, Bella," Alice huffed. "But don't go telling me that shit isn't romantic."

I had to admit she had a point, somewhere deep beneath all of the bullshit. Not that I was ever going to say that out loud. "So are you up for a movie or are you just going straight to bed?"

"Depends." She arched her brow, tapping her lips as she looked at me. "Are you going to let me pick?"

I chuckled. "Sure, as long as you won't make me watch anything too…._Disney_."

"Fair enough," Alice chirped. "You make the popcorn?"

"Of course."

We were quiet as we rode the subway back home, both of us working on autopilot getting ourselves, the snacks and the movie ready before meeting back up on the couch twenty minutes after we arrived at our apartment; Alice, like me, clad in shapeless sweats as we huddled under the beautiful quilt my mom had made as a housewarming present.

"What?" she scowled as she caught me looking at her well worn university sweats.

"I sometimes wonder if Jane knows how you're slumming it up in your free time."

She shrugged. "I don't really give a shit if she does or not. I've already spent my entire day up to my elbows in fashion. When I get home I just want to be comfortable."

"Hey, you won't get any argument from me on that one!" I chuckled, holding my hands up in surrender. "So what are we watching?"

Just then the warm sounds of accordion accompanied by a deep voice speaking to us in French drifted through the room. "Ah! _Amelie_. " I grinned, sitting back with a handful of popcorn.

I should have known that Alice would have picked this movie. After all, she was taking my upcoming trip to Paris even more seriously than I was, her longstanding history with the city – ranging from a semester spent studying fashion to the annual trips to Paris fashion week with Jane – made her quite a connoisseur on all this Parisian. "I was wondering when you were going to start giving me homework for my trip to Paris."

"I can't very well send you off unprepared!" Alice giggled as we watched the intro to the movie with a half eye. "There are so many places you should see…..so many little boutiques and shops and…"

"Hold it right there!" I snorted. "I've already got a guide, remember?"

He grin grew even wider if possible. "Oh, yes. Edward!" she cooed, barely avoiding the pillow that flew her way.

"Shut up, Ally," I warned her, "or I'm going to return the favor and tease you all night long about your date with Jasper."

Alice, however, was on a roll, her whole body buzzing with happy energy as her eyes flittered from me to the screen and back to me again. "You're going to Paris with Edward Cullen, Bella!" she squealed as the camera's zoomed out to the beautiful Parisian skyline.

"Yeah," I gushed, barely containing my enthusiasm as I scooped another handful of popcorn out of the huge bowl resting between us on the sofa.

We were silent after that, both of us getting caught up in the movie we must have already seen a gazillion times. It didn't matter, though. I still loved every bit of it; the story, the atmosphere; the colorful people, the thought that even slightly eccentric girls like Amelie would one day find the man of their dreams…

It made me feel oddly hopeful.

It wasn't until the final scene, the one where Amelie and Nino were finally united that Alice broke the silence.

"Oh my God, Bella," she whispered, grabbing my hand and squeezing it just a little too tight for comfort. "You are going to have sex in Paris. Can you get more romantic than that?"

It was a good thing the lights were off or Alice would have been able to see my look of blind panic, my body freezing up at the thought of my own inadequacy. _Oh my God! What if she were right? What if Edward expected me to put out in Paris? _

In my heart I knew it wasn't a question of not wanting to. I mean, if Edward had wanted to he could have had me mind, body and soul back in Rome when we'd only known each other for a couple of days. It was more a question of whether I could get through it – get naked in front of him and allow him to so see me – really see me – without ending up in a full blown hyperventilating-and-vomiting-all-over-the-poor-guy panic attack.

Alice, however, was blissfully unaware about the fact that I was silently freaking out next to her.

Nope, she kept prattling on about how romantic it would be to have sex in the 'city of love' and how she and I were going to go out the next day and buy a whole new wardrobe of naughty unmentionables seeing as my current underwear drawer only contained underwear that was, indeed, unmentionably horrid and completely unsexy (her words, not mine).

I, on the other hand, could only pray that a few pieces of satin and frilly lace could somehow prevent this trip from turning into a complete disaster.

* * *

_**Who's your favorite Bond?**_

_**Absolution got through the first round of the Avant Garde Awards and is now up against some other amazing stories in the final round. I still can't believe it. I'm so excited! Thank you so much to everyone who voted for me. It means the world to me. I'll keep you posted on when voting for the final round begins. **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	10. The City of Love

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**This story wouldn't be what it is without my wonderful beta, **_**The Real Teacher**_**, holding my hand and correcting my many errors. Thank you so much!**_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. The link is on my profile page.**_

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**Chapter 10 – The City of Love**

_**Or how we stared at one wall and broke another one down.**_

There was something about airports that made me feel all melancholy. The rush of people around you saying goodbye or being reunited again had a way of making me feel kind of lost and alone. It had hit me for the first time when I landed in Rome; the fact that I was so far away from everyone and everything I knew and loved and had only myself for company almost sending me headfirst into a panic attack.

Not this time, though.

This time I was jumpy like a jackrabbit but not from nerves or panic or any other negative emotion. This time, my nervous anticipation was connected directly to a whole bunch of butterflies spinning around in my stomach and an almost electric undercurrent singing through my veins, my eyes flashing around me, barely taking in their new surroundings as I sprinted across the maze of hallways and corridors leading to baggage claim at _Charles de Gaulle_ airport.

_T-minus ten minutes until I got to see Edward again!_

People around me were looking at me as if I'd lost my mind and with a slight snort I realized that had my hair been slightly darker and my skin tone just a little more olivey, I'd probably been snatched up by airport security as soon as the plane had deboarded and would now be spreading my ass cheeks for a thorough skin search.

I finally managed to make my way into the huge baggage hall without attracting the attention of the scary looking French cops or the even scarier German Shepherd's they had with them only to find out that our luggage had been delayed and would be rolling off the belt no sooner than twenty minutes from then.

_Crap! T-minus ten minutes had just doubled into forever. _

I bit my nails, or what was left of them after seven long hours and twenty unbearable minutes of counting down the seconds until the damned plane would finally touch down on French soil.

I flung myself onto one of the hard, steel benches dejectedly as I glared at the empty, unmoving conveyor belt. _This was not going as planned._

The eternity it took until the first bags finally started to roll onto the belt was used texting Edward to keep him informed of the slight delay and Alice to let her know I'd landed safely and would let her know when I'd reached the hotel, my legs bouncing continuously on the marble floor as my eyes stayed transfixed on the luggage belt, my body ready to spring into action at the slightest movement.

"Finally," I muttered when, after what seemed like half a decade, my lime green suitcase finally slid into view.

From there on out it took me only seconds to navigate the luggage hall and find the one face in the throng of people standing outside the sliding doors I was desperate to see.

And then he was in front of me, just like that, and everything else slipped away.

Edward.

I let out a content sigh as I spotted him, leaning against a wall in all his laidback glory, one hand in his hair as the other held up a tattered book, his lips muttering something I couldn't hear from so far away.

How could a man be so….so sexy, without even trying?

Just the sight of him had my thighs clenching and my ovaries doing a jig at the prospect of having him near me for the next couple of days. _Imagine being able to run my hands all over that! _ Talking to him over the last couple of weeks had been amazing but this…..there was nothing that could compare.

Suddenly his eyes shot up; liquid pools of green boring into mine and setting my whole being alight; a lopsided grin breaking onto his face as he pushed away from the wall and started moving towards me.

And just like that I felt like the first day in kindergarten: small, nervous and completely inadequate.

_What do I say?_ I wondered, licking my dry lips as he got closer and closer. _Do I kiss him? Do I hug him? Do I wrap my arms and legs around him and let him have me right here on the floor? _

Suddenly he was right in front of me; my unconscious taking over as my mind still scrambled to decide on the best course of action. "Hi," I breathed, already feeling my cheeks become aflame with the look he was giving me.

"Hi," he answered, his lips pulling into a wide, happy smile that lit up his face and made my heart flutter inside my chest. "You're here."

"Yes." I nodded, licking my lips again. "I'm here. And so are you."

"Can I….." he seemed hesitant, leaning in slightly, his tongue peeking out to wet his lips as his hands came to rest on my hips, pulling me closer as he awaited my response.

I nodded again, this time a little more fervently. "Yes."

It was all the encouragement he needed to close the gap, his lips brushing softly against mine once…twice….three times, before they lingered a little longer as his free arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me into him….into our kiss.

I sighed contently, closing my eyes as our lips remained connected. _This….it made everything worthwhile. The waiting, the uncertainty…This was where I wanted to be….who I wanted to be with. _

"I missed you," he muttered against my lips, kissing the corner of my mouth, the tip of my nose and my eyelids as they fluttered closed again while I gasped for breath. "I missed _you_. So fucking much"

"So did I," I whispered, holding onto the front of his coat as I rose to tiptoe so that I could kiss him again. "But I'm here now."

"Hmmm, yes you are," he purred, his lips pulling me into oblivion again as they reconnected with mine.

For a few minutes the whole world around us falls away and it's only us but then, as is always the case when two people stand entangled in each other in the middle of the arrivals hall in a busy airport, real life comes crashing back in.

And this time it did so in most literal sense of the world.

"Oomph!" I gasped, as a family of four migrating though the crowds like a stampede of buffalo had me careening into Edward with a force that almost sent both of us crashing to the floor.

"Watch where you're going you idiot!" Edward snarled, the _pater familias_ so busy looking after his own that all we got in the way of an apology was a slight wave. "Bloody wanker!"

"Are you okay?" his attention was back on me, his eyes scanning my body for any visible signs of trauma before settling on my face, his fingers ghosting over my flushed cheeks as he stood protectively in front of me; shielding me from whatever dangers could come at us.

"I'm fine," I shrugged, rubbing the spot on my calf a hard-shell suitcase had made contact with. "I guess that teaches us not to suck face in the middle of a crowded place, huh?"

My words did little to diffuse the tension in his body or the anger in his face, though he did humor me by pulling his lips into a wry smile as he wrapped his arm around me. "Let's just get out of here, shall we?"

I nodded eagerly, not just happy to get out of this busy place and on to a – hopefully – much more private spot but also because the thought of getting out of here and into Paris, the place I'd seen and heard so much about, made me giddy with anticipation.

Seeing as Edward had left his yellow _Vespa_ in Rome, we had to resort to public transport to get to the city; a train taking us first into _Gare du Nord_ before we changed to the underground which took us straight into the Boulevard de Clichy and the lively 18th arrondissement of Paris also known as Montmartre.

"The first time I came here…..I was so stupid," Edward chuckled, shaking his head as his lips pulled into a self-deprecating sneer. "I was barely twenty years old and so full of myself…I had all these dreams of being a big, celebrated artists and I thought that Paris would welcome me with open arms, being the city of art and all that."

I sighed, the tone of his voice making me a bit uneasy. "Let me guess: the welcome wasn't as warm as you thought it would be?"

Edward snorted. "The trouble is that with Paris being the city of art and Montmartre the beating heart of it, the density of artist in this city….it's insane. I did try to hawk my stuff – hell I think I wore out two pairs of pretty sturdy shoes pounding the pavement in search of someone who would take a chance on me – but with dozens of other better and more experienced photographers out there….."

He shrugged, looking sideways at me as we waited in front of a traffic light, his hand letting go of my suitcase just long enough to run it through his hair. "If it hadn't been for Tanya I think I would have had to throw my lot in with the _clochards_. I think I would have looked pretty hot sporting a beard, don't you think?"

I rolled my eyes though I didn't let the image of Edward with a beard distract me for long. "Tanya?" The mention of the name – a _woman's_ name - stirred up all sorts of feelings inside of me – possessiveness and jealousy being two of them. He'd mentioned that name two or three times before in our conversations, each time with a reverence that made me want to claw the woman's eyes out even though I didn't know her.

"She's a friend of mine," Edward was quick to explain. "My best friend, in fact. Hell, I think she's the only real friend I've ever had apart from my sister and Bea doesn't really count since she's family and therefore under an obligation to put up with my crap."

"How long have you known each other?" I asked, trying to mask the huge sense of relief that came from knowing that this Tanya – whoever she might have been – wasn't some sort of ex girlfriend hovering in the background.

_A friend._

_I could deal with that._

_Right? _

"We met in art school," Edward explained, his hand on the small of my back guiding me into a quiet side street off the Boulevard the Clichy. "She was a fourth year who took pity on me; a quiet unworldly little momma's boy from the suburbs. The rest – as they say – is history."

I nodded, a few more pieces of the puzzle that was Edward Cullen lowly sliding into place. "And she came with you to Paris?"

Edward nodded. "I was in a pretty bad place back then. I think she felt she had to watch over me….make sure I wouldn't end up somewhere in the gutter with a needle sticking out of my arm. Besides…she'd just finished up in London and was looking for a new challenge – or that's what she tells me."

"What happened?" I asked, realizing my mistake even before I watched the shutters shoot back up around Edward's heart, his mouth setting into a tight line as his face molded into a stoney expressionless mask.

It was like looking at a marble statue.

"Later," he said, grabbing my arm to halt me in front of a small, quaint looking hotel. "We're here."

The cozy, light interior of the little boutique hotel that would be our base camp during this week couldn't lift the heavy feeling that had settled in the pit of my stomach.

What had happened to Edward to drive him out of London?

It had to have been bad if his friend would just skip countries to keep an eye on him. But then again….where were his parents in all of this? Were they somehow connected to his leaving town? Where they the cause? It would explain the way he spoke about them or reacted whenever they were mentioned.

"Let's get us checked in, okay?" Edward suggested, the apologetic vulnerability in his eyes almost breaking my heart. "We'll talk more later."

I nodded, biting my lip. "Okay."

I was quite happy to take a step back and let Edward and his – what appeared to be – fluent French take care of business while I sat down in one of the seats across the front desk and ogled his fine form. _Seriously, was there anything that man couldn't do?_

_Well, maybe apart from laying all his cards on the table….._

It was amazing to find how easy it still was to be around him, even after spending almost two months apart and having to start all over again after the disastrous ending to our Roman affair. It was like nothing had changed; how we just fell back together like two parts of a whole. We each had our flaws and I suspected that he knew as well as I did that we had some pretty tough conversations still ahead of us but when we were together none of that mattered. When we were together I could really see that, in spite of all our obstacles, we _could_ have a happy ending.

Together.

That had to mean this was meant to be, didn't it?

"I think I've got everything sorted out," Edward grinned proudly, returning from the front desk with a smug look on his face as if he were a victorious soldier returning from the battlefield. "Here's your key."

"Thanks," I snickered, watching as he jostled my suitcase into the small elevator. "Hey? Where's your luggage, by the way?"

"Right here," he shrugged, patting a bag that looked about the same size as my carryon bag.

"_That's_ all you packed for five days?" I gasped, trying to wrap my mind around the possibility of enough clothes, toiletries and other necessities as well as his photographical equipment could ever fit inside something as small as that.

"I don't need much," he shrugged, both of us barely able to squeeze into the small, confined space of the elevator car as it brought us up to the second floor.

"I'd say!" I chuckled. "I'm almost ashamed to think of all the stuff I brought now – stuff I'm pretty sure I don't even need."

He smiled warmly, his hand reaching out to take mine. "You just like to be prepared." There was something about the way his thumb rubbed the back of my hand that set every doubt his

hesitance to talk about his past might have raised back at ease.

I didn't know why but in that moment, as I looked into his deep, green eyes, I felt like I could trust him with everything I had, including my heart. _Did this mean that I was…_

I blushed, looking down at our joined hands as the elevator stopped, the doors sliding open to reveal a small hallway with only a few rooms leading off of it. _No, it was much too soon for that. It had to be too soon for that…_

"You're over there," Edward announced, pointing at one of the doors. "I'll be just across the landing." He slid his keycard into the slot, the door to room 303 opening with a slight creak as natural light flooded into the hallway.

I nodded dumbly, my mind still trying to play catch up to the fact that – contrary to all the plans for stealthy seduction Alice and I had hatched in preparation for this trip – we wouldn't be sharing a room.

"I can imagine you'll want to freshen up a bit after your flight and…do other shit you women do," Edward went on, completely oblivious to my inner confusion. "How about I come and get you in half an hour? Would that be enough time to get settled in?"

"I guess," I managed, dumbly opening my own door when it seemed like Edward was waiting for me to do so, the door clicking back into the lock behind me as I let my eyes glide across the light and airy attic room I now found myself in.

_Hmmm… Separate rooms with not even as much as interlocking doors where I expected there to be one room with a big ass bed covered in romantic pillows or – when I let my daydreams take a little leap with me – rose petals. _

_Should I be worried?_

Twenty minutes of over thinking and one of the most unrelaxing showers (though that had nothing to do with the actual shower – which was lovely and relaxing – but everything with me – confused and anything but relaxed) later and I still wasn't anywhere closer to figuring it out.

Edward was supposed to be the kind of hot-blooded twenty-five year old who'd pounce on a girl as soon as he was able and knew she was willing. The fact that he didn't….well, it worried me.

Then again, hadn't he always been a perfect gentleman to me? He'd stepped away, back in Rome, when it was clear he could have had me and even over the past couple of weeks he'd never made crass remarks or insinuations like Mike had always done.

I just couldn't figure him out.

Which meant there was only one thing left to do…call in the cavalry.

"Bellaaaaa!" Thank God Alice picked up, my relief at successfully calling in a helpline making me forgive her for squealing into my ear. "_Bonjour! Ca va_?"

"I have no idea what you're saying just now, you know that right?' I snorted, before returning to business again. "Let's make this quick because Edward's picking me up in ten minutes. I've run into a snag."

"A snag?" I could hear I now had Alice's full attention. "That kinda sucks! Oh, but Bella? I feel like I should warn you. I'm having lunch with Rose so you're on speakerphone right now."

"Even better!" I breathed.

"So what did he do?" Rose pressed impatiently.

"What makes you think this was something _he_ did?" I scowled, really not seeing why after all this time Rose still held a grudge against him over the Rome thing. "We're in separate rooms."

The reactions I got couldn't have been more different if they tried.

"Oh no!" Alice gasped.

"And you're freaking out because of _that_?" Rose asked, apparently not seeing the point there. "I don't see the problem here."

"It is if they are going to get their sexy times on," Alice was quick to explain. "I don't have to tell you that getting all hot and heavy together is going to be difficult if you're both in different beds."

"Who says you have to sleep in your own bed every night?" Rose countered. "Really, the way I see it this separate room thing isn't that big an issue."

I frowned. "And why is that?"

"It's what any sane person would do in this kind of situation," Rose clarified. "What do you think Jane would have said if she'd ever find out you and Edward shared a room on a _business_ trip?"

I cringed. _Jane….I hadn't factored her into the equation_. "Erm…..you're fired?"

"That's right," Rose chuckled. "And for that matter, have you given any thought to how it would make the two of you look? I mean…..Edward's a guy, so we can pretty much assume that, at one point, he's at least thought about having sex with you, but to come out and blatantly assume he's going to get laid…..No guy in his right mind would be so stupid!"

"Oh, o-okay," I stammered.

"And no girl either," Rose went on. She really was on a roll there. "Booking a single room when you go on a business trip with a guy you've never slept with is as much as saying 'hey there, sailor. Don't bother spending any money on wining and dining me because I'm pretty much a sure thing, so just drop your pants and let me hop on and do my thing.' You don't want that to happen, now, do you?"

"N-no," I gasped. "I certainly don't."

"Really Bella? You and Alice can be such….._virgins_ sometimes!" Rose still appeared to be quite befuddled by my little panic attack. "Have you really been out of this game for so long that you've forgotten the rules?"

I chuckled even though I knew I should probably feel hurt or indignant right now. "You forget I never even opened the box, Rose. You have to get the board set up and get started before you can wonder about the rules…."

"True," she snickered, "but just because you were crazy enough to marry your high school sweetheart instead of playing the field a little, doesn't mean that you can go around and act like a two bit whore now."

I cringed. "No, I don't think I want to be doing that."

"For some strange reason, Edward seems to like you just the way you are – insane panic attacks and everything – so just go on being you and enjoy the city of love with the guy you like and everything will work out just the way it should."

"Wow, Rose," I breathed. "That's kinda deep for you."

She chuckled. "I have my moments. Don't tell Jane, though. I think she'll fire me if she suspects I'm going soft."

"Duly noted," I giggled, jumping at the sound of Edward knocking on the door. "Edward's here. I've gotta go. Thank guys….you've really saved my life here."

Their giggles still sounded through as I ended the call, feeling a lot lighter and more sure of myself as I went to open the door.

Rose had been right. Sharing a room with Edward right now would have made me look cheap and easy. As much as I wanted to have sex – hell, maybe even _needed_ to have sex or at least some kind of release – I knew my hormones needed to take a backseat to reason right now. Letting them rule my actions would only ruin this ….this great thing we could have together. Having my own room to fall back on gave me the opportunity to make sure this was right before we took this next, all important, step in our relationship.

"Are you ready?" Edward asked, leaning against the doorframe dressed in casual jeans and a leather jacket.

I swallowed hard, subduing the urge to pull him into my room by the lapels of his jacket and never emerge until I had to catch my flight back to New York by repeating Rose's words over and over again in my head. I will not be a two bit hussy. _I will not be a two bit hussy. I will not be a two bit hussy. _

"Just give me a second," I managed to wheeze out, shooting back into my room top grab my bag, my coat and – with a look outside the window – the huge red umbrella my mom had given me as a go away present when I moved to New York. _There was nothing that would make you remember Forks quite like an umbrella. _

We took the elevator back to the ground floor, the atmosphere inside the small, stifling little car cackling with a kind of energy that made me hop from one foot to the next just to divert my thoughts from wandering into all sorts of exciting and decidedly naughty alleys. "So," I finally started after licking my lips for the umpteenth time. "We're going to explore Montmartre today, aren't we?"

Edward nodded. "It's a shame the weather's not looking too good."

I shrugged, looking up at the sky above as we stepped outside. "It's not that bad." Sure, the sky was overcast and it looked like it could start raining any minute, but in lieu of any actual rain it was still dry and not so cold that we wouldn't be able to enjoy our walk.

"I'm thinking about the view," Edward explained, taking my hand in his as if it were the most normal thing in the world for him to do. "On a clear day the views from the _Sacre Coeur_ observation plateau are quite amazing. Right now, though, not so much."

"Maybe it will clear up?" I tried, even though the prospects weren't that good.

Edward shrugged, using his free hand to retrieve a packet of cigarettes from his pants pocket and fished one out of the packet using his lips. "Maybe."

He sounded about as hopeful as I was but to be honest, I couldn't care less if the heavens would burst right that moment, engulfing us and the world around us in a downpour of water, since all my attention was fixed on the sensual way his lips folded around the butt of his cigarette, taking a long pull from the newly lit smoke before releasing it almost as if they were kissing it goodbye, the smoke escaping his mouth in small clouds before the whole process was repeated all over again.

I swallowed hard, fidgeting with the heavy wool scarf around my neck. _Dear lord, I'd really caught the love bug in a bad way if even something as life threateningly disgusting as Edward smoking a cigarette could get me all hot and bothered. _

Apparently as hot and bothered as the rest of me was, my stomach was about as cold and empty as it could get and it chose that very moment to advertise its need for nourishment to the rest of the world by grumbling so loud I think they would have heard it all the way in Spain.

"Sorry," I blushed, wishing I hadn't pulled my hair back in a ponytail so I could use it to hide behind. "If there's anything my new job has taught me, it's that I hate airplane food."

"Don't be embarrassed," Edward chuckled, squeezing my hand a little to put me back at ease. "It's just your body's way of telling me I need to feed you every now and then."

"I still wish it would chose a quieter way of doing so," I muttered, looking everywhere but at him as we turned into a busier street lined on both sides with little café's and shops.

"I think it's adorable," Edward chuckled, brushing a strand of hair away from my cheek. "So what do you want to eat?"

I shrugged, the pink in my cheeks deepening to red as Edward's hand lingered on my cold skin, the soft leather of his gloves ghosting over it as he brushed his thumb upwards from my chin. "I-I dunno? Something French?"

_Okay, Bella. Out of all the things to say you picked that? _

_What the hell is the matter with you? _

_Did Edward pull some kind of weird sexy mumbo jumbo on you that completely messed with your brain and caused it to only utter completely stupid things? _

_Something French._

_Come on! _

_You're in France, for crying out loud. Everything on the damn menu is French. _

While I was busy giving myself a well earned mental bitch slap, Edward didn't seem to think there was anything strange about my words, his eyes shooting across the street before zoning in on something across the street. "I think we can make that happen," he grinned, looking almost proud at having found some half-decent establishment to quench my word vomit and silence my stomach.

"Good," I muttered, meekly following after him as he pulled me in the direction of whatever had caught his eye.

We paused in front of a small window, the sign above it advertising it as some sort of take away place or something. "You can't go to Paris without buying a crepe at a place like this and finding some nice, quiet spot to eat it," Edward announced, ordering something from the guy across the counter.

I tried not to be annoyed by the fact that he didn't even ask me what I wanted to have, something made considerably easier by the fact that after taking Edward's order, the guy across from us proceeded to pour batter into a big, round pan on the counter and bake two perfectly round and thin pancakes right in front of our noses, covering them in a healthy (though I suspected my doctor might have disagree) dollop of Nutella before sliding the neatly folded package into a paper container.

"_Merci_," Edward spoke, handing both packages over to me as he paid while I tried not to descend upon my crepe like a hungry wolf, the sweet, sugary smell wafting up from my hands not doing me any favors.

Apparently Edward was all into delayed gratification, his hands taking back the two deliciously chocolaty crepes before I could do anything to stop him. "Let's find a nice, quiet spot to eat."

I pouted and a slight whine might have escaped my lips as I trudged on after him, my stomach rumbling in discontent as we crossed the _Place des Abessess_ and into a small, seemingly private garden right off the square. "What is this place?" I asked as I parked myself on a small iron bench next to Edward.

"I'll tell you later." He chuckled, his laughter deepening as my stomach rumbled yet again. "Right now, let's get you fed before you faint on me."

He didn't have to say that again. I eagerly dove into my pancake as soon as he gave me back the coveted piece of food, a deep moan escaping my throat as the gooey mixture of sweet dough and slick chocolate spread hit my palette, my eyes rolling into the back of my head as I chewed around my first bite. "So good," I mumbled, my mouth already half full with the next bite before I noticed how things had gone awfully quiet next to me.

I cranked my eyes open, finding Edward with his mouth hanging open and his pancake seemingly forgotten as he stared at me with a look of pure, unadulterated lust. Though why was completely beside me since I was currently scarfing down a pancake like some wild beast with chocolate smeared all around my mouth, at least, if the sticky feeling around my lips was anything to go by.

On any other day both the hot stare and the dirty mouth would have given me cause for embarrassment, the first because I didn't know how to act around a guy who liked me enough to give me such a stare, the second because it meant that even after thirty one years on this planet, I still hadn't mastered the fine art of eating without making a mess.

Right now, though, I couldn't find it in myself to give a shit about either of them. Not when I had a delicious slice of heaven – aka a crepe nutella – to inhale.

_Which just went to show. Nothing could come between a woman and her chocolate, not even as fine a man as Edward Cullen. _

"You okay?" I asked in between bites when Edward still had that lobotomized look on his face though his eyes burned with the fire of a thousand hot coals. "Your crepe's getting cold." _I mean, if he wasn't going to eat it, then please could I? _

"Oh….erm….yeah," he fumbled, taking a bite out of his pancake, the sight of Edward and chocolate all tied up in one drool worthy picture taking my thoughts away from my own food for a second.

We ate the rest of our lunch in silence; me too distracted by my food to pay attention to anything else long enough to comment on it, Edward doing whatever it was he was doing.

"Now….." I started, brushing the last crumbs of pancake off my coat, "wanna tell me what this place is?"

"Let me show you." Edward's smile was as radiant as ever as he took my hand again, my feet following his lead without question as he took me around the corner to an open space bordered by a large wall on one side.

"It's called '_le mur des je t'aime'_," he said, the French rolling off his tongue in a sensual, almost poetic singsong tone.

"The 'I love you' wall?' I asked, frowning as I looked back at the wall, the big slab of black marble covered in white scribbling and small red hearts now making more sense than it did before.

"You speak French?' Edward asked, a light hint of awe seeping though in his voice.

"I don't speak it," I corrected him, "and I can only understand a few words." I shrugged. "I took French in high school."

"Bella Swan, you never cease to amaze me," Edward muttered, wrapping his arm around me as he pressed a sweet and slightly chocolaty kiss into my hair.

"So what's the deal with this wall?" I asked. It was all I could do to keep myself focused on the job that had brought me here.

"It's a statement against hate," Edward explained. "It's supposed to be a place of reconciliation in a world marked by violence and dominated by individualism."

I arched my brown. "Did you come up with that yourself?"

"No," he chuckled. "I know the artists behind this work from back in the day when I used to live here."

I nodded, my eyes shifting back to the artwork in front of us. All grand words and big thoughts behind it aside, it did do something to me.

It made me think.

I knew that it was far too soon in this relationship to even be thinking of big words like the ones spelled out in front of me in hundreds of languages – or so I kept telling myself – but even though my mind kept telling me that, my heart wasn't quite on the same page.

In fact, it fluttered every time my eyes flittered over the small tile spelling out the words in English. _Could this be it? Could this be love?_

I knew there were all sorts of conversations – hugely important conversations – that needed to take place – truths had to be uncovered and pieces of the puzzle had to slide into their place - before I could even think about uttering those words out loud. But right there, in front of a whole wall of love I knew the feeling they were trying to communicate had already started to take hold of me.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward's arms wrapped around me, pulling me close.

I could feel him press a kiss onto the crown of my head as I allowed myself to bask in his warm, masculine scent for a moment before I answered. "Love."

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" he murmured, leaning his head on mine.

"Hmm." I nodded, both of us contently leaning into each other for a few moments until the first drops of rain started to fall from the heavens.

"Shit," Edward groaned as I rifled through my purse in search of my umbrella. "I'm never going to get a decent frame in this dreadful gloomy weather."

He did make a valiant attempt for my sake, though, his lips muttering curse words around his cigarette as he crouched down in search of an angle that would make everything seem 'less gloomy and depressing' – his words – while I stood off to the side, hiding from the rain under my umbrella as I watched him work.

"I give up," he finally muttered after taking – what seemed to me – a fairly decent amount of pictures. "Let's go."

"Where to?" I asked as we left the enclosed little haven for the hustle and bustle of the town surrounding it.

"Left," Edward announced, already pulling me into a little street leading away from the square and – as I soon found out – straight to the _Sacre Coeur_.

"I remember this place," I muttered, drinking in the sight of the all too familiar carousel at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the church.

Edward frowned. "I thought you said you've never been here before."

I smiled. "I haven't, but I've seen in dozens of times in one of my favorite movies…._Amelie_?"

"Ah," Edward chuckled, offering me his arm as we started to climb the hill, the two of us tucked away under my umbrella; sharing the same space…the same warmth.

Even with the rain falling harder and harder as we got closer to the summit of Montmartre, the view from the top was amazing.

I smiled, staring out over the endless rows of elegant nineteenth century houses with their grey rooftops and quaint charm.

I still couldn't believe I was here, in Paris with Edward.

I turned around when the sound of the rain splattering against the umbrella was joined by the clicking sound of Edward's camera. "I doubt Jane would be impressed by pictures of me," I chuckled, looking straight into the lens.

Edward grinned back at me, taking a few more pictures before he put his camera away again. "It's a good thing then that these are purely for private use.

"More frames for your wall?" I asked, remembering the huge wall in his apartment in Rome; the living testimony of his talent and experience in the world.

Experience and talent that eclipsed me in more ways than I could think of.

"Definitely," he nodded, looking every bit the artist as he tapped his chin in quiet contemplation. "I think I might call this one '_the girl with the red umbrella'_."

I rolled my eyes, playfully swatting his arm as I welcomed him back under my red rain shield. "You're so full of yourself!"

We walked around Montmartre for a while, descending along a huge flight of stairs that looked like they had come out of a fairytale, until finally the falling of night and the emptiness of our stomachs forced us to take a subway back to the Place the Clichy where, according to Edward, a restaurant was located that served some of the best seafood platters in the city.

"What's so special about this food?" I asked as we were shown to our seats by a waiter clad in an immaculate three piece suit. "And by the way, I still think we should have dropped by the hotel to change. I feel underdressed."

Edward swung around, his hands cradling my face as his lips pressed a quick but urgent kiss to mine before retracting again. "You look lovely."

I scowled, not letting him dazzle me into a false confidence. "I look like a hobo."

Edward merely shook his head, taking the seat across from me at the small table while the waiter held my chair back, his elegant gesture only making me more self conscious of the way I was dressed.

I had to give Edward credit where it was due, though: the food at the place was amazing and well worth any embarrassment I might have felt over my casual and slightly waterlogged appearance; the huge plate of oysters, mussels, cockles, crawfish and other indefinable clams stacked up high on a pile of ice tasting better than anything I'd ever had in my mouth before.

That was, until I dug into the crème brûllee.

"God, you were right about this place," I moaned, scooping another spoonful of heaven into my mouth, my eyes falling on an elderly couple a few tables down from us, holding hands over the table as they dug into their own tower of seafood. "Do you think that forty years from now we'll look like them?"

The words were out of my mouth before I ever realized I'd spoken them out loud, my cheeks staining a radiant pink as I peeked at Edward through my lashes to ascertain his reaction. _What are you doing, you complete and utter lunatic! Too much…too soon. Do you _want_ him to run away screaming? _

"I hope so." Even though his words gave me hope – I mean, everything that didn't include him hightailing it out of the restaurant in search of a girl less clingy than me was a pure win – his face shifted back into that distant, perfected mask.

Until he looked at me. "Bella….."

"Yes?" I looked up.

"I owe you an explanation." He looked down, his hands fumbling with his napkin. "You know? For earlier today? When you asked me why I left London?"

I reached my hand across the table, capturing his in mine and squeezing until he looked at me. "You don't have to tell me anything. I meant it when I said I'd wait…"

"I _want_ to tell you," he answered, squeezing back as his lips pulled into another wry smile. "It's just….I'm afraid of what you'll think of me."

I took in a deep breath, never taking my eyes off his as I tried desperately to figure out what he needed from me. "I can't tell you that everything is going to be okay because…well, I don't know what you're going to tell me so I have no way of knowing how I'm going to react to it. What I do know is that we're never going to get anywhere with this – _us_ – unless you do."

"I know." He sighed, closing his eyes as he steeled himself for whatever it was that he was going to tell me. "It was a girl."

His voice had been so low I almost thought I misheard him. "What?"

"A girl….that's what drove me away from London," Edward repeated. "I…she…..she _broke_ me but not after I'd gone and ruined everything that was good in my life."

The pain in his mouth…his eyes…his whole being tore me apart. "What happened?"

Edward sighed, shifting in his seat. "I thought I loved her….you know? I thought she was the one I was going to grow old with."

His lips pulled into a smile so self-loathing that it made the hair on my arms stand up. "I was wrong."

I let out a deep breath, knowing all too well what it felt like to put all of your hopes and trust into someone only to find out you'd been mistaken. "Who was she? What did she do?"

Edward shrugged. "My parents saw right through her straight away. We're not exactly rich – well, not like the queen or anything – but with my mum being a school principal and my dad a GP we're not exactly poor either and Vicky…."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair as his hand hovered over the pants pocket I knew contained his cigarettes. "I guess she only saw me as a meal ticket; short term because my parents had set me up with a nice studio in Camden and a college fund that kept me pretty comfortable, long term because – according to everyone – I was going to make it big."

"And she wanted to tap into that." I nodded in understanding even though my situation with Mike had been quite different.

"The worst thing about it was that I stood up for her." He shook his head, the self deprecating grimace back in place. "I should have seen what she was doing to me….I mean, my grades were slipping, my teachers were getting fed up with me excuses for not handing stuff in on time and I….I was a bloody mess. But still I defended her. I couldn't see her for what she was."

He took a few deep breaths, collecting himself before he went on. "A week before she left, my mum and dad showed up at my flat and gave me an ultimatum: either I cut her out of my life, or they were cutting me out of theirs."

"No!" I gasped.

"They just…." Edward shrugged. "They saw how bad an influence Vicky had on me; how unhealthy being around her was and how she kept sweet talking me into spending money that was supposed to go towards my education and food and stuff on her and…I guess they'd had about as much of it as they could stomach."

I could understand that but still, to cut a child out of your life at a time like that? "I can see why they would be upset with you – hell, I can see why they'd be desperate to get her out of your life even – but cut you out? That seems a bit…."

"Harsh?" He offered. "Yeah, I know. I've yet to forgive them myself, even though I can see what drove them to do it."

We fell silent, both of us pushing the remains of our food around our plates to find something to do. "So she left you?" I finally asked.

Edward nodded solemnly. "As soon as she found out the money was gone."

"Bitch!" I clasped my hands over my mouth, shocked that the word had left my mouth even though the sentiment remained the same.

Edward merely chuckled. "Kind of, isn't she?" He shrugged, his eyes back on his plate. "Anyway…..I just had to get out of London after that and seeing as Tanya was going to move here anyway….it was a pretty easy choice to make in the end."

"And your parents?" I wanted to know.

"Didn't see them for a couple of years, though Tanya made me call them every now and then to let them know I was okay." He smirked, tapping his fingers against the table top. "Turns out that just because you don't like people that much, doesn't mean that you want them to worry over you. Besides…for a while they were my only way of getting in touch with Bea and I didn't want her to think I hated her or something…."

I smiled, his concern for his sister only strengthening my belief that, in spite of all the guilt and self-loathing he seemed to harbor for himself, he was a good man.

"So yeah….that's my own personal history in a nutshell." He shifted nervously once again, the tapping of his hands and feet becoming almost unbearable. "How about we get out of here and catch some fresh air?"

"Or before you implode from a lack of nicotine!" I chuckled, watching as Edward settled the bill in what could only be record time.

We were out in the crisp, starry December night before five minutes had passed, me chewing on a desert mint as Edward smoked, his hand on the small of my back directing me in whichever way he wanted us to go.

"Thanks for opening up to me," I spoke as we rounded the corner to our hotel, the bright lights of the city fading as we entered the quiet side street. "It couldn't have been easy to tell me."

"It's quite therapeutic, actually, to just lay your shit out on the table." Edward chuckled, flicking the butt of his cigarette into the gutter. "So I guess I should thank _you_ for listening."

"My pleasure." I smiled back at him, rubbing my hands together as we entered the lobby of our hotel to make them warm up faster.

For all its romance and pretty old buildings, Paris was still pretty cold in December and our midnight stroll had taken its toll on my fingers.

We nodded at the night custodian before entering the elevator, the silence between us getting more uncomfortably laden with every level we climbed.

"Soooo," I drawled as we exited the elevator. "I guess this is me."

Edward grinned, though there was a nervous energy to his smile that made me wonder if he wasn't maybe as far out of his comfort zone as I was. "Yeah…."

I bit my lip, my brain telling me to flee while my body just wanted to pounce. "I guess this is goodnight, then?"

Edward closed his eyes, his hands balling into fists beside his body before he opened them, the green intensity scorching back at me setting me aflame. "Fuck it."

It took him all but two seconds to cross the landing and push me up against my door, his lips claiming mine in a desperate possessive need that had our teeth clashing together as we tried to get as close to one another as we could, the growing hardness pushing into my hip telling me he likes this just as much as I did.

"God, don't stop!" I moaned, my head falling back as my hands shifted from his shoulders to his front, opening the top buttons of his shirt to give me access to more. _Because God knew I needed more. More of him, more of this…..more of us. _

"Bella….fuck…." he groaned shifting his hips into mine as I managed to pry another button open. "What the bloody hell are you doing?"

I snorted, my hands finding purpose on the next button. "What do you think I'm doing?"

It took him all but ten seconds – ten more seconds of delicious grinding – to put two and two together, his body freezing up on me when he did finally connect the dots.

"What's wrong?" I gasped, my voice all desperate and needy as my fingers hovered over the fourth button of his shirt.

"I can't do this, Bella," Edward panted, my body shivering against the sudden cold as he put some distance between us. "Not now. Not here. It's just….it's wrong. _Fuck_!"

I closed my eyes, trying desperately not to cry from the sting of rejection. "But…." I started, only to find empty space when I opened my eyes.

He'd already gone.

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_**Poor Bella! What will she do now, you think? And why did Edward run?**_

_**Voting had started in the final round of the AvantGarde Fanfiction Awards. Please take a moment to honor all your favorite writers and stories. Absolution is up for 'best shock value' spreadsheets(dot)google(dot)com /spreadsheet /viewform?formkey= (remove the spaces and change the (dot) for actual dots and it should take you straight to the voting ballot. **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	11. The City of Love pt2

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**This story wouldn't be what it is without my wonderful beta, **_**The Real Teacher**_**, holding my hand and correcting my many errors. Thank you so much!**_

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_**Pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog as soon as I can get blogger to behave and post the pictures. The link is on my profile page. **_

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**Chapter 11 – The City of Love**

_**Or how I came to the conclusion that being a gentleman was going to be much harder than I thought it would be…literally.**_

"So let me get this straight, _mon ami_," Laurent looked as baffled as I felt, swirling the amber liquid inside his glass. "A beautiful woman just asked you to make love to her and yet you're sitting here with me?"

He shook his head as I nodded mutely, downing his drink in one huge gulp before turning back to me. "_Incroyable_! What is wrong with you?"

I growled, burying my hands in my hair. "It's complicated."

"_C'est l'amour_," Laurent shrugged. "Why aren't you out there enjoying it?"

I scowled. "She needs time."

Laurent leaned back against the bar, his long dreadlocks swishing over his shoulder as he twisted his neck to look at me over those ridiculous sunglasses he always wore, even when it was the mid-winter and he was indoors. "Did she tell you she needed time?"

My scowl deepened. "No, but…."

"Was there anything in the way she acted that told you she didn't desire to _fait l'amour_?"

"Not at that moment, no," I answered, trying to stave off the memories of Bella's hot lips on mine and the way her firm body felt in my hands before a 'situation' would arise.

I could see I had his attention now, his head cocked to the side and his glasses sliding even further down his nose as he looked at me. "_Expliquez-moi_."

I sighed. "Bella….she's really special to me and when we do come together I want her to feel that in every touch, every gesture and every kiss. I want it to be more than just two people giving into temptation because they know from experience how good it feels."

I rubbed my tired face before picking up the half empty glass of scotch and slamming it back. "Besides…." I stalled, rubbing my mouth with the back of my shirt. "Bella's come out of a nasty divorce and I…..I haven't exactly done right by her either up until now. I want her to trust me before we take that next step, you know?"

Laurent nodded, looking every bit the eccentric underground philosopher he so desperately wanted to be. "I see….so what you're saying is: _you're_ not ready."

I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to figure out if he was really just trying to get to the bottom of this or if he only wanted me to look and feel like a damn pussy. "_We're_ not ready," I corrected him, already liking the sound of that far better than I did his statement.

"_Comme tu voudras_," he shrugged, turning around to order another glass of brandy. "How is Tanya? Is _ma petite fille_ still happy in Berlin? Does she know about you and….."

"Bella? She knows some of it."

Laurent chuckled, nursing a fresh glass of liquor. "I bet she didn't like that one bit."

I shrugged, not really wanting to get into the whole Tanya thing at that time. "She'll have to learn how to live with it."

Laurent's eyes snapped back at me, studying me as he slowly sipped on his drink. "This girl….this Bella. She's really special to you, isn't she?"

I nodded, motioning the bartender for another drink. "She is."

Laurent chuckled, patting me on the shoulder as he nodded at the bartender for him to refill his glass. "I bet you feel pretty stupid right now, don't you _mon cher ami_."

"Confused, yes but stupid?" I shrugged, tracing the rim of my glass. "No, I don't think I'm stupid. I did the right thing. I know it."

Then again, knowing and believing were two completely different things and right that moment, knowing was as far as I would have gone.

Tearing myself away from Bella's lips had been one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. The knowledge that all I had to do was stay in that moment and let it consume me as we consummated whatever it was that had sprung to life between us…it was bliss. Well, it would have been if it hadn't been for that pesky voice in the back of my head telling me that it would have been wrong to do it like that…..to do it that night.

She might not have seen it in that moment but Bella deserved more than that – more than me even, though for some absurd reason she still chose to be with me even after everything I'd done….or failed to do.

I'd been given a gift; the most precious gift a man could get.

But as always…..gifts never came for free and this one….it came with huge responsibilities attached.

I knew I had to stop it.

I knew I had to quench the fire before I could do nothing but let it consume me.

And so I ran.

I ran out of that hallway like my ass was on fire, the painful look of rejection on Bella's face haunting my every step and almost forcing me to look back…to go back. It even very nearly succeeded, my steps faltering in the lobby as my mind started to make excuses to give into the desperate urge to claim, to consume, to possess…..

But it would have been wrong. I knew that deep down inside, which was why I'd pressed on, changing the unfamiliar surroundings of our hotel for those of my old stomping grounds in the hopes I would find someone from the old days to talk to….to distract me.

I'd hit the jackpot on my first try, a grin breaking out on my face even in spite of the mess I got myself in as I spotted my old friend Laurent Grimaldi sitting in exactly the same spot I'd left him in the last time we spoke.

Laurent was as much a monument of this city as the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre were and I believed he'd been around for quite as long too. He was a poet, a painter, a philosopher, a doctor…

Over the six months I'd spent in Paris – three of them actually living with the guy as he and Tanya did their best to straighten me out after two years of art school and one year of Vicky had left me a shivering, sweating pile of waste – I'd come to find out that there was very little the guy couldn't do; his insights into the world shining through in his art and his way of living.

He was unique; the kind of guy you only meet once in your life and who would stick by you until the end, even if it was just in spirit.

And just like the old days, Laurent was just the kind of guy a fucked up idiot like me needed to talk to at a time like that, his years of experience in the ways of the world and – more importantly – the ways of women, helping me to sort through the minefield of emotions I'd landed myself in and find my way out of it.

"Just to complete the picture here," Laurent asked, interrupting my thoughts. "Did you tell her how special she is to you?"

"No?" What was meant to be a statement came out as a question. "I mean….it's always implied, so I think she should know…but no, I've never spoken the words aloud, at least…. Not in so many words. Why?"

"Does she know why you rejected her?" Laurent went on, his words making me break out in a cold sweat even in spite the humid conditions of the dive bar I found myself in.

I nervously scratched the back of my head. "I didn't tell her but I think….."

"Never think," Laurent interrupted me. "Not when it comes to _les femmes_, at least. Always make sure they know _exactement_ where you're coming from."

He nodded at the waiter, signaling for the guy to refill his glass as he tapped his long, bony fingers against the bar. "Women….they need to know where they stand with us men, so never leave them uncertain of where you stand. Especially a girl like your beautiful _Isabelle_. She needs to know you're not just another miserable _sac de merde_ like her ex. The last thing she needs right now is more confusion."

I cringed, my fingers playing with the packet of cigarettes I'd placed on the bar in the hopes the barman would take pity on me and allow me to light one up just for the sake of old times. I was beginning to see the error of my ways even though I knew he was quite determined to rub my nose in them. "So you're saying…."

"I'm saying that if this _Isabelle_ is the kind of woman I think she is, you probably left her feeling rejected, uncertain and completely _désolé_."

I groaned, the memory of that look on her face as I walked away – rejected, uncertain and even more _désolé_ than Laurent could ever imagine – flashing in front of my eyes again.

Laurent didn't take pity on me, as I knew he wouldn't. "And instead of being there for this beautiful woman – a woman you like so much that you're willing sacrifice your own needs to wait for her – in her time of need, trying to save what can be saved, you're here with me, an old raffish _artiste_, in this _cafe_ getting drunk."

I leaned on my elbows, literally hanging my head in shame as I tried not to smash something. "Shit! Fuck!"

Laurent chuckled, patting me on the back. "I'd say that again, _mon cher_."

There seemed to be only one way out of this mess and, though it was completely adverse to the kind of thing I'd usually did – that thing being running – I knew it was the only thing I could do to make this right again. "I think I've gotta go…."

Laurent nodded his head, his dreadlocks swinging cheerfully as his lips curled up in amusement. "You do that son. And don't worry about the bill. _C'est sur moi_."

"Thanks, man!" I leaned in for a one-armed man hug and a kiss on the cheek, our usual way of greeting one another. "I hope our paths will cross again."

"Oh, they will," Laurent grinned, already motioning at the bartender for another drink. "Whether in this life or the next, I have a feeling our paths will cross again."

I smiled, shaking my head as I hightailed it out of there and back towards the Clichy neighborhood. I couldn't help but hope he was right.

On all accounts.

I didn't know what I expected to find when I exited the elevator again, three hours after I'd fled the scene like a criminal, but I had to admit I was slightly disappointed when everything was calm again; all traces of what had happened there in that hallway only a few hours ago erased.

I leaned against Bella's door, trying to find out if she was still awake and felt up to talking but hearing nothing.

"You've made a bloody mess of things again, Cullen!" I scowled, keeping my voice low as I leaned my forehead against the cool, unyielding wood of her door. "You'll be lucky if she ever talks to you again….let alone forgives you."

It soon turned out how true my words had been.

I noticed it as soon as she got down for breakfast the next morning, walking straight past my table to finally settle down at an empty one near the window, as far away from me as she could get.

It set the tone for the rest of the day.

All throughout the morning I tried to approach her; break to the armor she'd put up….but to no avail. She seemed determined to keep me at a safe distance and no word or gesture from me could convince her otherwise.

It stung, even though I knew I bloody well deserved it.

We barely spoke as we trudged along the cobbled pathways of _Père Lachaise cemetery_, the serene beauty of the moss covered tombs and the forgotten – and sometimes not so forgotten – fame of the people occupying them deepening the sense of melancholy that hung around us until it almost got too much to bear.

I kept my distance as Bella walked ahead, studying the graves of the unknown with as much attention as she did those of Jim Morrison or Eloise and Abélard and me studying her with a fascination that wasn't any less than hers. The only contact we had was when a patch of moss or an uneven stretch of cobbles made her loose her footing, a small smile before she retreated again barely enough to give me some hope.

"Do you want to have lunch now or wait until after we've visited the _Notre Dame_?" I asked as we trudged back towards the underground station.

She didn't look back at me, her shoulders pulled up to the point where her face was almost hidden underneath the collar of her warm, navy pea coat. "I'm good."

I sighed, rubbing my hair as I stumped out the butt of my cigarette before following her down into the station. It was like last night and all those nights before them had never happened, like I was just another photographer and she was just another reporter, here on a job and gone tomorrow.

It was driving me insane, even more so because I knew I'd been the one to build that wall.

If only I knew how to tear it down again…

We picked up a sandwich after visiting the magnificent twelfth century gothic cathedral, rising up from the island in the middle of the Seine in all its robust glory and beautiful, intricate stained glass windows and Bella obediently followed after me as I suggested making use of the beautiful day by taking a walk in the little _Vert Galant_ park on the far west tip of the _Île de la Cité_.

"Bella…." I waited for a reaction, taking her and in mine and pulling her towards me when it didn't come. "Please talk to me."

She snorted, shaking her head as she sat down on a bench a few feet away from the ledge. "You hurt me."

"I know," I muttered, my hands finding purpose in disengaging and reattaching the lens of my camera.

She cocked her head to the side, her brown eyes studying my calmly….vacantly. "Do you, really?"

I cringed at the lack of emotion in her voice. It was like she'd detached herself from the situation so it wouldn't hurt. I knew that approach all too well, having tried and perfected it myself a few years ago. Still, that kind of shit was more something I'd do, not something she'd have to resort to in order to protect herself. "I do." I sighed, dumping my camera in my lap so that I could have my hands free to light up another cigarette. "Yesterday after I left….I spoke to someone; an old friend. He made me realize just how bloody wrong it was of me to leave you there like that, even if I thought I did it for all the right reasons."

"An old friend?" There was a tiny spark of wonder in Bella's eyes, making the dull brown come to life just a little, though it didn't escape my notice how _this_ was the thing she picked up on. _This_ and not the part where I tried to explain myself. "Someone you knew when you were here?"

I nodded. "He's kind of a big name in our circle, though I doubt if anyone has ever heard of him outside of it. Tanya'd already met him a couple of years before when she took a gap year to focus on 'finding her voice' so when we ended up here, his was the first door she knocked on."

"So last night ….what?" Bella continued to ask. "You called him to meet up or something?"

"He's not the kind of guy you'd ever find in a phonebook." I chuckled, trying to pick out the right kind of words to describe people like Laurent without making them look like one the bums we'd passed on the street. "I think most people would describe him as a hippie or a bohemian, though I think he's far too unique to be categorized like that. There's no label that can really describe him."

I chuckled, sparking up another cigarette as I thought about my old friend. "Anyway…..He doesn't believe in phones and rarely even picks up his mail. No…."

I smiled, shaking my head. "He believes that the only people worth his time are the ones who cross his path in the here and now. There's no forcing it or making arrangements. When your paths are supposed to cross, that's when they'll cross."

"He sounds kind of flaky," Bella remarked, my heart fluttering as she smiled – finally – while staring off the in distance. "In fact, I think he and my mom would get along if they ever met."

"They might have," I grinned, letting some of the tension in my shoulders go as I sat back, relieved that we were getting back in easier waters after the turmoil from before. "He spent most of the seventies traveling around the States with a group of what he calls 'kindred spirits'. From what you told me about your mum, she might just be the kind of person to _be_ one of those spirits."

Bella's head fell back as she laughed freely, the sound never having sounded quite as amazing as it had right then. "I'd have to call my mom and ask her about him. What was his name again?"

"Laurent Grimaldi," I answered. "I could try to introduce you to him if you want? It might take a while to find him but I think you'd like him and I _know_ he'd like to meet you."

"Maybe." She blushed, wringing her gloved hands in her lap. "So he told you, you were an idiot for leaving a girl hanging like that?"

"He did." I nodded. "He also told me to talk to you."

"Then talk." Her voice was still light but it was laced with something harder; something demanding answers that would lighten the blow her pride had sustained last night.

_Okay, here we go. _I took a deep breath, resisting the urge to spark up another smoke because I knew it would make me look like some big jerk who didn't give a toss before I started. "Walking away last night…..it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life."

"Could have fooled me." Bella snorted bitterly, her eyes trained to the river surrounding us. "With the speed you were hightailing it out of there it seemed pretty damn easy to me."

"Look," I sighed, running both hands through my hair. "I know I was an idiot for bailing on you like that but people sometimes do some pretty messed up crazy things when they're scared shitless."

"You were….scared?" The words came out as if she was testing them on her tongue; hesitant and surprised. The sound of them gave me hope that I might get through to her after all.

I nodded. 'This thing we have together? It's better than anything I ever had in my life and I don't want to screw it up by doing the wrong thing….even though I seem to be bloody brilliant at doing just that when I'm trying to do the right thing ."

I smiled, looking into her eyes as she slowly lifted them to mine. "I want to do this right, Bella. Right for you….for me…for _us_. That's why I didn't want to sully what we have by jumping into things prematurely even though God knows I want you so fucking much right now."

"You….you _want_ me?' The look in her eyes – vulnerable and insecure – was devastating but it was just what I needed to remind me that I'd made the right decision.

I tentatively reached out my hand, lightly touching her cheek and breathing a sigh of relief when she leaned into my touch. "Sweetheart, I _burn_ for you."

Her lips opened and closed a few times without producing any sound, a small frown appearing as she mulled my words over in her brain. "So you ran away because…"

"Because I was seconds away from pulling you into my room and ravishing you well into the night." I had to look away, the intense energy between us too much to handle….too much to withstand.

"And you didn't want that because….." Bella went on.

"It would be too soon." After the look I'd just seen on Bella's face, it was a whole lot easier to get the words out the right way than I thought it would be. "When we do take that step, I don't want anything to stand between us. I want you to feel like you don't have to doubt my feelings or intentions….."

I tried to pull my lips into a smile but it was a forced one at best. "And for me…..I don't want to have to compete with your ex husband. I know he did a number on you and I know it will take a whole lot of time and hard work on my part to mend the parts of you he broke and that's okay but….."

"But you want to see some progress before we do…." She gestured with her hands, her cheeks blushing pink as her lips faltered.

I nodded. "I think we both deserve more than what we would have gotten out of it last night."

Her small smile told me she was beginning to see my point. "I wish you would have told me that before, though. Preferably last night."

"I do too." I let out a deep breath, my feet kicking a few of the larger pebbles along the graveled walkway along the quay. "I know I made a bad mistake by running out on you last night and….I'm sorry."

Her gloved hand on mine made my whole body heat up from the inside because I knew it meant that I still had a shot with her. "Just don't do it again, Edward," she spoke softly. "I don't know how much more of you pushing me away I can take."

"I know." I raised her hand to my mouth and kissed the soft suede of her gloves, wishing it was warmer so that I could taste her skin. "Thank you."

We sat there for a little longer – her head on my shoulder and our hands entwined in my lap – looking just like every other couple of lovebirds caught up in the magic of the City of Love while in fact to me it felt like we'd just scaled a huge wall – one of the many standing between us – and had emerged victoriously on the other side.

When we both started to feel the chill in our bones we set off again, crossing the river Seine on the _Pont Neuf_ and making our way into the _Quatier Latin_; the lively university neighborhood that had gotten its name early on in history because of the many Latin speaking scholars inhabiting the area due to of its nearness to the Sorbonne university.

The silence of earlier that morning carried through into the afternoon as we made our way through the narrow streets and past the many little bars and bistro's but unlike before, the silence lacked that laden, uncomfortable suffocating thickness. This time we were both enjoying the beauty of the city and each other's company without feeling the need to express our feelings in words. _We both knew it. _

"Edward?" I looked up into her beautiful brown eyes, my fingers tapping the ash off the end of my cigarette before I brought it back to my mouth. "Just now you told me you were afraid having to compete with Mike…..my ex husband…."

I nodded, motioning for her to go on.

'I…" she smiled nervously, wringing her hands. 'I just wanted you to know that as far as I'm concerned there _is_ no competition. He…..what he was to me was nothing compared to what you could be to me…what you already are to me."

As much as I'd hoped it and may have even assumed it – I was no pro at romancing girls like Bella but I did think myself a better candidate for her affections than that worthless piece of donkey's excrement – it still did me good to hear her speak the words. _A lot of good._ "Tell me about him…about your ex."

She smiled uncomfortably. "What do you want to know?"

I smiled nervously. _Everything. I wanted to know what he was like so that I can be the exact opposite. I want to know where he lives so that I can punch his face out. I want to know if the feelings you have for me are anything like the way you felt about him….._But I couldn't very well ask her that so I had to settle for something else; something more insignificant. "Uhm…I don't know. How did you two meet?"

"At school." She shrugged. 'Forks is a pretty small town so if two people happen to be born the same year they are convicted to spending their school careers in the same class unless one of them skips or flunks."

I nodded. "So was it love at first sight? I mean….you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to…."

"It's okay." She smiled back at me, weaving her fingers through mine and letting the tangle of gloved hands swing between us. "I made you share yesterday so I figure it's only right that it's my turn today." I felt a little guilty, having her feeling obligated to share something so private when I'd given her only the tip of the iceberg. _If only she knew just how deep my darkness went….Well, she'd never let me get close to her again. That was for sure. _

"We didn't really hang out until high school. He was a boy and I was a girl and as far as I was concerned we didn't even inhabit the same planet. That was…until I started developing boobs and he started to notice them."

I snorted. "Yeah, I so know what you're talking about." I'd be lying if I didn't admit that the first time I'd even looked twice at a girl who wasn't my baby sister was the day when Becky White showed up at school wearing a tight t-shirt showcasing her new growth spurt. The day after that was the day when my dad taught me the 'fine art' of washing my own sheets.

"After that he spent most of our freshman and sophomore year trying to ask me out and me shooting him down until finally I caved and let him take me to the spring dance."

"And the rest was history?" I offered.

"It would have been if he hadn't felt the need to plow the hired help." She shook her head, a hint of bitterness gracing her lips as she went on. "In hindsight I sometimes wonder how I could have ever been so stupid as to fall for him. I guess it was just the sense of security I got from knowing that I was being cared for; both emotionally and materialistically. Even if I had to take the bitchy mother in law and Mike's constant whining into the bargain. I thought I was happy….but I wasn't."

"That's sad."

"I know," she smiled again, this time genuinely and warmly. "But it's ancient history now. In fact I think that Mike did me a favor in his own distorted and slightly nauseating way. I just wish…"

I stopped her, using our twined hands to turn our bodies so that we were facing each other. "What?"

"I wish we could have settled things in a more mature way," she shrugged, looking down at her feet again. "You know? Without the whole town getting caught up in our dirty laundry and accusation flying back and forth across a court room."

I pulled her into my arms, offering her what I could in the way of comfort. I knew that no words of mine could suffice – 'I know what it feels like 'would have sounded horribly conceited since I really didn't, 'I'm sorry' nowhere close enough to describe the regret I felt on her behalf – so I let my body speak, keeping her close and - hopefully- letting her know that in spite of what she'd been through, she was loved.

Deeply loved.

The rest of the day was spent wandering around the _Quartier Latin _and _Saint Germain_, sometimes stopping to visit a church or a museum or just to take in the beauty of the city; Bella standing back and watching as I took pictures both for the magazine and for my private collection- the ones she didn't know of, the ones of _her_.

We settled down in a nice little bistro around seven, talking over a lovely dinner of roasted chicken in a _thyme_ sauce which was mostly eaten singlehandedly (and rather awkwardly) since I seemed to be unable to let go of Bella's hand.

Unable and unwilling.

"You'll have to let go at one point," she teased me, those lights I'd come to love so much once again ablaze in her eyes, "at least, unless you've changed your mind about the whole intimacy thing."

I chuckled. "Nice try but no. I'm not going to sleep with you….yet."

"When then?" she asked, blushing as a waiter appeared out of nowhere to put her _œufs a la neige_ in front of her.

I let my fingers trail along the edge of my nearly empty glass. "Soon?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "You know? It's very impolite to make a lady wait too long."

I shook my head. "A _lady_ would never solicit a gentleman like that."

"Then clearly I am not a lady," she shrugged.

"And I think we've already established that I am not a gentleman," I added.

"Could've fooled me," she muttered under her breath, staring up innocently at me when I feigned ignorance.

"Let's get out of here," I suggested, waiting until Bella had finished her pudding before settling the bill and dutifully handing over the bill to her (it had been the compromise we'd made; the one where I got to feel like a bloke by paying the check and she got to cover her expenses and have the magazine pay me back). "We've got one more stop to make."

"Oh, yes!" she squealed, already halfway out of the door as if my words had been a starting shot. 'The _Eiffel Tower_!"

"You know, there will come a day when you won't feel so giddy at the prospect of yet another sight to visit," I chuckled, offering her my arm.

She looked up at me with wide eyes. "Never!"

"I…" I was just about to stop the words before they fell out of my mouth, twisting them into something that would get the message across without being too big for such a short acquaintance. "I think you're lovely, Bella Swan."

Her answering smile was radiant. "Well, I don't think you're too bad either, Edward Cullen."

I kissed her, chastely and quickly before pulling her off in the direction of the _metro_ wondering – as I'd done so many times since I'd picked her up at the airport – how I was ever going to stick to my resolve.

Being around Bella…it still felt so strange, so new even though it was like deep down inside we already knew each other.

I'd never experienced this before, this normal way of being in love.

With Vicky it had always been about demands; other places to visit, other people to see, other things to buy…..names to be made. We never could just _be_.

Not like I could with Bella.

"What are you thinking about?" I looked down to find Bella staring at me pensively, her hands holding on for dear life as the train wove its way through subterranean Paris.

"You?" I shrugged, shoving my hands in the pockets of my jeans only to be thrown halfway across the carriage when the cart jostled on its way into the _Champ de Mars_ station. "Bloody hell!" I groaned, brushing myself off and apologizing to the poor, unsuspecting woman who'd broken my fall.

Bella merely chuckled, shaking her head as she made her way out of the carriage as soon as the door opened. "Are you coming?"

I'd been to the _Eiffel Tower_ a few times though I had to say I didn't quite get what all the fuss was about. Sure, it was a landmark and a very impressive testament to the kind of handiwork people had been capable off more than a century ago but to me it was nothing more than a huge piece of scrap metal that fooled people into spending top notch for a view that was just as nice from the top of the _Arc de Triomphe_ or the_ Sacre Coeur_.

Bella, however, seemed to be enchanted by it, her eyes taking on that faraway, dreamy look as she stared the old piece of junk like it was a unicorn from a fairytale. "I've dreamed of going up there ever since I was a kid," she gushed. "And now I'm here."

I shrugged, glaring at one of the many salespeople selling all kind of touristy junk underneath the tower. "Let's just get up there, shall we?"

Bella skipped towards the southern entrance to the tower, the one reserved for those smart people – like me – who'd booked their tickets in advance instead of spending hours queuing up like a bunch of bloody sheep.

"Monsieur?" I glared as yet another salesfucker tried to sell me a crappy looking replica of the pile of scrap I was about to climb. It seemed like the place was riddled with them, at least five of those wankers pouncing on us before we'd even cleared the underground station.

"No thanks," I huffed, wondering what kind of idiots would buy a piece of junk like that.

I didn't have to wait long for an answer, my eyes nearly budging out of their sockets as I witnessed Bella making one salesfucker's day by buying a whole armful of mini Eiffel Towers.

"What the fuck, Bella?" I groaned, seeing from the corner of my eyes how a whole other bunch of salesfuckers and sketch artists started to eye her like she was a piece of meat. _We were in for it now. _

"I promised my mom and my sister in law I'd bring one home for them," she shrugged apologetically as the salesfucker trudged off with a smug look on his face and a pocket full of Bella's hard-earned cash. "And I think Riley would like one as well."

"Riley?" Jealousy flared red hot through my veins at the mention of the name.

"I work with him," Bella replied, cocking her head in amusement as she let me simmer for a few moments before she put my mind at ease. "Relax, Edward. He's more likely to be attracted to you than he is to me."

"Ah." I chuckled. _Just the kind of guy friend Bella needed_.

"Not that it would have been any of your business if I did hang out with half the heterosexual guys in New York," she scolded me. "If we are going to make this work, you are going to have to put a leash on that green-eyed monster of yours and learn how to trust me."

I sighed. "Fair enough."

"Now, are we ever going to make it to the top or what?" she challenged me, sticking her hand out for me to grab and tugging me over to the reservations desk.

It took us forty minutes – forty _fucking_ minutes – to get though security and past the line (yes, there was a line in the reservations section even though it was shorter than the other ones) before we were finally escorted into one of the elevators that would take us up to the top.

"I don't know how I feel about this," Bella wheezed, looking all kinds of apprehensive as our tiny little cabin crept up the leg of the tower, completely exposed and hanging from a few pieces of rope.

"Don't be afraid," I chuckled, pulling her into my arms. "Dozens of people have gone this same way for more than a century and they all made it back down safe and sound."

I'd be lying if I didn't enjoy the way she burrowed closer into my hold. A lot.

"You're not helping," Bella replied in a tiny voice, her body freezing up against mine as the elevator jolted to a stop on the first level.

One more elevator and we found ourselves on the second floor platform, looking out over the beautifully illuminated city sharply standing out against the night sky.

"It's so beautiful," Bella muttered, her eyes floating from the rigid modern architecture of _la Défense_ to the ancient splendor of the _Arc de Triomphe_ and the _Louvre._

"It's okay, I guess," I shrugged, knowing it had nothing on the beauty that was standing right in front of me. I sighed happily as I wrapped my arms around her small waist, standing behind her as we shared the view across the City of Lights.

"Did Jane call you back about that assignment in London?" Bella asked, leaning back against me, her hand folding over mind.

"Hmm," I hummed, my nose buried in her hair as my arms trailed up and down her sides. "Thanks for that, by the way."

She chuckled. "You keep thanking me when I had something to do with it. It was all you."

"Liar!" I laughed, my arms pulling her even closer, relishing in the fact that we were there, in Paris on top of the bloody _Eiffel Tower_, together.

We never did end up looking for Laurent that night, our feet wandering though a whole different neighborhood as we talked and walked into the night until we found ourselves back in front of our hotel and – a few minutes later – in a position very similar to the one we were in the night before.

She looked up, her brown eyes partially hidden by her long lashes as a saucy smile crept onto her plump lips. "Sleep with me?"

I almost choked on my own spit, my eyes zapping over to her as I let out an involuntary groan, already feeling my pants tighten at the sultry sound of her voice inviting me into her bed. "Bella…..I thought we'd discussed this."

"We did," she shrugged, "but we merely agreed to 'no sex'. You never said anything about not _sleeping_ together."

"I don't….' I ran my hand through my hair, my body undecided on what it needed more at that moment: nicotine or her.

"Please?" She pouted, looking at me through the thick almost black lashes that framed her big, chocolate eyes. "I promise I'll behave."

And that she did, or so I had to ascertain half an hour later as we lay in bed together, her breath slowly evening out as we snuggled together. Her behavior had been nothing short of lady like – or well…..as far as a lady would behave is she ever invited a man who wasn't her husband into her bed – keeping her hands to herself as we engaged in relatively chaste kisses.

Unfortunately, however, the harm had already been done. I was already harder than I'd ever been in my entire life and regretting my decision to abstain more and more with every second that passed as I lay there, watching the minutes of the clock tick away with her sleeping soundly beside me, completely unaware of the hold she had on me.

Dear God!

This woman was going to be the death of me.

* * *

_**So they're sleeping together without actually 'sleeping' together. How long will it be, you think, before one of them cracks? **_

_**Okay. Time to get serious.**_

_**Over the next couple of weeks, the updates for this story are going to be a little bit different to what you're used to. The Real Teacher, my amazing beta and friend, will give birth to her second baby on Monday (if everything goes as planned) as has to undergo surgery immediately afterwards. I ask you all to join me in keeping her and her family in your thoughts and prayers on Monday and hope that she will make a full and speedy recovery.**_

_**You will understand that this means that updates for LDV aren't going to be as regular as they've been until now since I don't want to bother her during the first weeks of her recovery and I don't post without her. This means that there are two options. **_

_**1: Instead of posting every week, I'll post a full chapter every other week for the next 6 weeks. We've got three chapters already done so that should be able to tie us over for now. **_

_**2: I'll split the chapters that are already done in half (which I think can be done without harming the story) and you'll get half a chapter every week for the next 6 weeks. **_

_**Please let me know what you prefer. **_

_**Also: there's still time to vote in te Avant Garde Fanfiction Awards. I've added a link to my profile page that will take you directly to the voting ballot. **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	12. The City of Love pt3

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

_**The Real Teacher deserves an award for putting up with my many, many mistakes and making these chapters look pretty. Thank you so much, bb!**_

* * *

_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. The link is on my profile page.**_

* * *

**Chapter 12 – The City of Love**

_**Or how I discovered that for a bohemian, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda guy, Edward could be disgustingly moral.**_

~ Part one ~

"Still nothing?"

"Nope."

"Bella, what are you thinking! You only have one more day to put the moves on your hot new boy toy before you have to go back to New York!" Alice whined. "And God knows how long it will be until you see him again after that."

"Thanks a lot, Ally!" I scowled. "And you know how much I hate the phrase 'boy toy'."

I could almost see her shrug even with an ocean between us. "I'm just saying, that's all."

"I know." I sighed.

"Such a shame for all of those new panties we bought," Alice mused wishfully. "It feels almost like a crime to let them go unnoticed."

"Oh, he noticed them alright," I grinned, feeling my cheeks pink up as I thought about the look on Edward's face when he walked out of the bathroom that morning to find me wearing nothing but the blue lace set of underwear Alice had picked out for me. _Just because he'd decided to wait didn't mean I couldn't have some fun testing his limits…did it? _

"You devious little cock tease!" Alice squealed. "I'm so proud of you."

"I knew you would be," I chuckled, feeling rather proud of myself to be honest. "So you can't say I haven't tried, I really did. It's just….."

"Yeah?"

"Edward wants to wait for us to be really sure….for it to be really special and…well….part of me kind of thinks that's a great idea. I mean….it's romantic and our first time together should be romantic, shouldn't it?"

"Definitely," Alice acknowledged.

"But that's just part of me," I went on. "The other part…."

"Really wants to get laid good and proper?" Alice offered.

"Yeah." I smirked, the highlights of three days of unresolved sexual tension flashing in front of my mind's eye. Edward walking out of the bathroom sans shirt. _Edward's fingers playing with one of those god-awful cigarettes he kept on smoking. Edward's face all beautiful and relaxed as he slept next to me at night….Was it getting warm in here or what? _"Is that weird?"

"What is?"

"Me wanting to have sex while Edward wants to wait?" I explained. "Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"Maybe," Alice spoke. "But I kind of get where you're coming from."

"What!" I snorted. "Is Jasper holding out on you as well?"

"He's being a true Southern gentleman." I could almost see Alice's pout in front of me as she spoke. "Or that's what he keeps telling me. What's wrong with these guys anyway? Shouldn't artists be all promiscuous and ready to pounce? I have a hard time believing the great Caravaggio or Dali had such high scruples when it came to sex."

I chuckled even though there was nothing funny about the amount of sexual frustration heaped up inside of me right now. "Just our luck! Out of all the promiscuous artists out there, we managed to pick the two ones who just happen to be insanely moral!"

"They're hot, though," Alice giggled.

"Yeah," I grinned, watching as Edward returned from having taking a bunch of pictures of _Grand Trianon_, the familiar churning in my stomach starting up again just from the sight of him acting all focused and professional. _God was the boy hot!_

I swallowed hard, trying to look all cool and composed while inside my mind was still trying to figure out what it would feel like to wrap my legs around those strong, muscular thighs of his. "Edward's getting back. I've gotta go."

"Go get him, tiger!" Alice snickered. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I chuckled, pocketing my phone. I didn't know what had come over me lately but whenever I was with Edward, all I could think of was what it would feel like to….you know.

I harrumphed at my own inability to even speak the words. I mean, if I was going to practice them, I should have been able to at least describe what it was that I was going to be doing, right?

Well, apparently not.

Maybe that was why Edward was holding back?

"What's wrong, love?" he asked, his eyes scanning my face as he wordlessly took my hand, his thumb running soothing circles into the palm of my hand.

I sighed. "Nothing."

"What did Alice say?" he wanted to know as we crossed the courtyard into the right wing of the little palace.

I blushed, not feeling particularly eager to share the discussion I'd just had with my cousin. "Just…I don't know…work stuff?"

Edward nodded. "Did she say anything about her date with Jasper? That was this week, wasn't it?"

I squealed, flinging my arms and legs around Edward and I planted a big kiss on his cheeks as Edward stumbled backward, his arms forming a protective shell around me as he tried to regain his balance, his face sporting a look of pure shock and just a little hint of a blush that made him even more sexy than he already was.

"Not that I don't love it when you do that," Edward fumbled, still looking all kinds of flustered, "but what was that for?"

"You remembered!" I beamed, feeling so happy in that moment I was afraid my heart was going to burst out of my chest.

"Duh!" Edward looked at me like I'd gone completely insane. "Of course I remembered!"

I shrugged. "Mike never remembered stuff like that. In fact, he didn't show any interest in my friends even if he'd grown up with most of them. For you to remember something I mentioned days ago about people you haven't even met….that's _huge_ to me."

"Mike's an asshole," Edward stated matter-of-factly. "Those people – Alice, Jasper, Rosalie – I know they are important to you and since, right now, you're the most important thing in my life….that makes them important to me as well, if you get what I'm saying."

I swallowed hard trying to stop the happy tears from falling as I used our join hands to pull Edward's face to mine. "Thank you," I whispered against his lips before showing him what I couldn't yet convey in words.

"Any time, sweetheart," he smiled as he pulled back, tugging us in the direction of the double doors.

We spent the next hour leisurely exploring the _Grand Trianon_ before heading out to the _Petit Trianon_, another small palace tucked away in the giant and seemingly endless gardens of the enormous palace of _Versailles_.

"This whole place…it's like it's on another level or something," I gushed when we turned a corner to find ourselves in a small little street that breathed 'small town France' in all its cobble stones and shingled roofs. "It's insane!"

"They were on another level," Edward chuckled as we entered the dainty little palace at the end of the street. "They just had no bloody idea. They lived in their own safe little sodding bubble safely tucked away from the Parisian mob, living their own fabulous lives of decadence and not giving a flying fart about what went on outside."

As we looked around the small palace it was easy to see how they could have done that. It was beautiful – almost magical – with its comfortable small reception rooms and rich furbishing. It was the kind of place people nowadays would have paid millions of bucks for – even in this economy – but to Marie-Antoinette it was only a tertiary residence; a retreat to hide from her tired life of doing nothing at the big palace and kick back with her friends.

It made me feel sad, being here….walking down the same rooms and corridors as they had, looking at the same beautiful trees they had walked amongst but knowing what gruesome fate had befallen most of the people who once enjoyed the splendor of this little palace.

"You're so quiet," Edward remarked as we wandered through the garden.

I shrugged, my eyes gliding over the thick, gnarly tree trunk in front of me. "It's this place. I guess."

Edward chuckled. "Yeah, looking at that…" he pointed at the little medieval style hamlet that doomed up in front of us. "….I can certainly see why the good people of Paris wanted to get rid of those leeches."

"Leeches?" I looked up at him in wonder.

"Isn't that what you call a breed of people that sucks the life out of the ones they once swore to protect and leave them to rot?" He shook his head. "That little bloody village for starters."

I followed his gaze to the hamlet as he went on. "I've read somewhere that Marie-Antoinette spent good tax-payers money on having it built just because Rousseau and his ideas of nature and the 'bon sauvage' made her want to be a 'petit paysanne'."

He snorted, looking at the idyllic structures as if they were utterly offensive. "Of course she had a whole horde of personnel around here to make sure than no animal she or her ladies touched would ever be stained by soil or muck or anything else and to get up before dawn to clean the eggs before she could get her hands dirty. God knows it would be an atrocity unparalleled in history if the queen of France ever had to touch something that came straight from the rear end of a chicken!"

"Wow!" I chuckled, playfully nudging his shoulder with mine. "Tell me how you really feel!"

He snorted. "Don't you feel the same?"

"I feel like….I don't know." I shrugged, kicking a few pebbles in front of me. "Sure, they brought this onto themselves by their wild partying and spending patterns but in a way they are as much victims of their time as the people who sought to free themselves from their oppression."

"But the difference was that they had the means to better themselves," Edward countered. "They had every opportunity to find out how 'the other half' lived but they failed the one task they considered themselves anointed to do: be a fair and good monarch to their people."

"True." I nodded. "But if you'd been raised like Marie-Antoinette or Louis or any of those other rich, entitled airheads around them…would _you_ have?"

"I don't know," Edward shrugged. "I'd like to think I would but I guess I get what you're trying to say now. It's easy to lay blame when you look at their actions through our present day perspective."

I smiled, feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness as I stared at the little hamlet in the distance. "They sure paid for their mistakes, though."

Edward took my hand in his, squeezing slightly as he no doubt remembered, just like me, how the story of Louis and Marie-Antoinette ended. "That they did."

Edward's mood lifted a little as we walked through the hamlet, the cuteness and romantic idyllic surrounding us proving to be too much for even his sour mood. That and the fact that, according to him, the light was just right for his style of photography.

I guess I just had to take him at his word one that one.

Watching Edward as he worked, though, was quite a thing; the focus and determination on his face and the confidence as he walked around in search of the perfect picture made him look even sexier as he did before, even if it was freezing cold and I could slowly feel my hands and feet going into hypothermic mode as I waited for him.

I chuckled as he seemed to find a perfect spot only to change his mind at the last minute and skip over to a different spot, a small half-smile gracing his lips as he finally snapped his pictures.

"What made you change your mind just now?" I asked as he returned to me.

He frowned. "What?"

"The setting of the picture?" I looked up at him as my hands waved towards the spot he'd started out at. "You started out over there but then you changed your mind. Was there something wrong about that spot?"

He smiled, making sure his camera was secure in his bag before he answered me. "There was nothing wrong with the spot. It was the light that was wrong."

"The light?"

His smiled deepened as he nodded, pulling me onto an empty bag as he produced his camera, pushing a few buttons until the picture he'd just taken flashed across the screen. "What does this picture say?"

Now it was my time to frown as I stared hard at the pretty image in front of me, wondering what the hell it was that Edward wanted to hear. "I don't know? I see the farm buildings and some sheep…."

"But what does it make you feel?" Edward pressed.

"Longing?" The words were out before I had a change to think about them. "It's kind of….Looking at that picture it all looks so idyllic and beautiful. It kind of makes me want to live there."

Edward grinned proudly. "That's exactly what I wanted it to say."

"And the light comes in….how?"

"The light is the key ingredient to setting the atmosphere," Edward explained. "If you want clinical facts, you need clinical, businesslike lighting; mostly coming from up above. If you want a picture to be more romantic you have to make sure the sun hits the scene at an angle, preferably at the magic hour when everything is covered in this dreamy soft glow…."

"Like the magic hour?" I asked, remembering having heard about that time, right before the sun would go down, in a documentary I'd seen a couple of years ago.

"Just like the magic hour." Edward kissed my cheek, grinning proudly, before he went on. "For this picture I made sure the light hit the structure at a slight angle, just where the chimney breast connects with the thatched roof so that it would draw a shadow across the thatch, but without making it look too dreamy and fairytale like. I want to be something people can imagine as a 'real' place; a place they can visit to see it for themselves, not some kind of Disney-like unattainable fantasy."

"Wow," I breathed. "I never knew so much work goes into taking pictures."

"That's because I make it look easy," Edward grinned smugly. "And because I've spent the last five years looking at every place I visit and everything I see in terms of light and shadow. It's become almost like a second nature to me."

After seeing him just now, I could very well believe that so I nodded, once again linking my arms with his as we walked on.

"Let's get you back into the city before you turn into a cute little ice cube," Edward chuckled, kissing the top of my head as we walked back to the main palace.

It was still so crowded; a long line of people waiting to be admitted to the palace even if it would only be open for little over an hour. It was a pity that only about twenty percent of those crowds – which had been so large in number that in some rooms you almost had to take a jump and throw yourself in there if you wanted to fit in – would find their way to the garden. As beautiful and opulent as the interiors of the palace had been, it had been the garden and the smaller palaces which had made the biggest impression on me.

They stood out, in some strange way; more so than the main building had. But maybe that was just because of the crowds.

We made our way back to the railway station, boarding a train and taking a seat amidst the other tired tourists as it took us back into the city. Not much was said as we sat side by side, his right hand entwined with my left as I punched a few short text messages to Alice, Rose and my mom into my _Blackberry_ while he rifled awkwardly through the shots he'd taken that day.

"Bella?"

I looked up to see that Edward had abandoned his work and was now staring at me intently as the train slowly rolled into the _Invalides_ station. "Yeah?"

He waited until we were out of the train and walking underground from the railway station to the subway station carrying the same name. "I wanted to ask you….what does this magazine of yours look like?"

"Oh my God! Seriously?" I gasped. "You've never seen it?"

He shrugged. "I don't really fall into the target audience, do I?"

I rolled my eyes. "I know that! Still, I would have thought you'd buy the magazine when it had your pictures in it."

"I didn't really see the point." Another shrug. "You already send me a copy of the article in its final layout."

I snorted, shaking my head as my eyes fell on a kiosk up ahead. "Wait here."

Looking through the glass windows of the kiosk as I bought a copy of the magazine he looked kind of lost, like he didn't quite know what to do with himself. I wondered if that had been what he had looked like when he'd first arrived in this city; lost and without a purpose in life now that almost all of the ties he had to his old life in London had been severed.

My heart ached for him because it knew all too well how he must have felt.

Still, he'd had Tanya like I had Alice and if that Tanya person had even been a tenth of the friend to him that Alice had been to me, he would have been well taken care of. Judging from the way he spoke about her, she had been more than a tenth, though. It made me want to meet her to see what she was like and thank her for taking care of Edward when he needed her most. I had this image in my mind of a slightly eccentric but brave and very loyal woman but since Edward had no pictures of her and still barely spoke about his life I had no way of knowing if that image was true to form.

"There," I grinned, tossing the magazine in his direction as I rejoined him. "Now see what you've missed out on!"

His answering grin made just about every clenchable part of my body clench in anticipation of the day when Edward would cast his gentlemanly ways aside. _God, no man had any business being as sexy as that! It was just….unfair for him to be wielding such a huge power over us poor, defenseless women. _

The reaction he had to seeing the cover wasn't what I thought it would be, though.

In fact, it was nothing at all how I thought it would be.

I'd expected mock or playfulness or maybe even pride at seeing his work incorporated into a decently selling magazine. I hadn't factored in the look of absolute horror that flashed on his face as soon as his eyes glanced over the glossy cover.

"Come on!" I joked, though there was an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. "It's not that bad! Sure, it's a girly magazine but it's not like you're going to get cooties from looking at it!"

"You don't…." Edward started, only to abandon his attempts at speech halfway through his sentence and starting back up again. "This model…"

I glanced sideways at the cover to make sure we were talking about the same picture here. "Yeah, I know, she looks like kind of a bitch and believe me, if Alice's stories about her are anything to go buy, she totally is. But I don't think she's _that_ ugly! I mean, there are a lot of people who think Victoria Kingston is the next big thi…."

Now it was my time to do the whole gobsmacked thing, my brain – always a little slow on the intake – finally putting two and two together. "Victoria...Vicky…"

Damn.

* * *

_**Short, I know, but at the moment it's all my beta and I can offer.**_

_**I would like to thank everyone for the thoughts and prayers offered to my beta. I'm happy to announce that on Monday The Real Teacher gave birth to a beautiful (and completely adorable) baby boy. I have no word yet on how the surgery she had to got through immediately afterwards went but I'll keep you all posted as soon as I find out more. **_

_**Marie-Anoinette was one of the first people in history I became fascinated with at the tender age of seven, when my mom took me to Paris for the first time. Twenty-one years later, that fascination hasn't diminished at all, though I'm now finding her history less romantic (My mom didn't tell me about the violent end she met at first because she was afraid it would upset me too much. She was right.) and all the more tragic. My own opinion of her – in case you're interested – rests somewhere in the middle between Edward and Bella's. **_

_**Do you have a historic figure you find particularly fascinating?**_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	13. The City of Love pt4

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

_**The Real Teacher deserves an award for putting up with my many, many mistakes and making these chapters look pretty. Thank you so much, bb!**_

* * *

_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. The link is on my profile page.**_

* * *

**Chapter 12 – The City of Love**

_**Or how I discovered that for a bohemian, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda guy, Edward could be disgustingly moral.**_

~ Part two ~

_I'd expected mock or playfulness or maybe even pride at seeing his work incorporated into a decently selling magazine. I hadn't factored in the look of absolute horror that flashed on his face as soon as his eyes glanced over the glossy cover._

_"Come on!" I joked, though there was an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. "It's not that bad! Sure, it's a girly magazine but it's not like you're going to get cooties from looking at it!"_

_"You don't…." Edward started, only to abandon his attempts at speech halfway through his sentence and starting back up again. "This model…"_

_I glanced sideways at the cover to make sure we were talking about the same picture here. "Yeah, I know, she looks like kind of a bitch and believe me, if Alice's stories about her are anything to go buy, she totally is. But I don't think she's that ugly! I mean, there are a lot of people who think Victoria Kingston is the next big thi…."_

_Now it was my time to do the whole gobsmacked thing, my brain – always a little slow on the intake – finally putting two and two together. "Victoria...Vicky…"_

Oh my God.

He nodded, the now crumpled magazine slipping from his hands and smacking onto the dirty subway floor. "It's _her_ alright."

I had to take a minute or two to make sure how I felt about that. First there was the matter of what she looked like. When it had just been a faceless girl by the name of Vicky, her beauty – because in my mind of minds I knew she had had to be beautiful – had always been daunting but at a comfortable distance. Right here in front of me I knew that in the looks department I didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell against Victoria Kingston and her fierce model appearance. Still, there was always the advantage of knowing what the enemy looked like, even if no comfort could be derived from said knowledge.

Secondly, though, there was the squickly feeling that started to crawl up from my gut at the thought of Edward 'doing it' with 'icky Vicky' as Alice used to call her. Alice had taken great pleasure in regaling us with stories about Victoria's somewhat seedy past and reputation but to know – as I did now – that Edward had been a part of that….._Not a pretty thought._

"Bella!" Edward's voice sounded anguished. "Please….talk to me."

I mechanically turned my face towards him, my hair blowing as a subway passed through the station at high speed. "Huh?"

"Please…' I frowned, not knowing what it was he wanted of me. "Tell me this hasn't….that this doesn't mean….."

I looked at him in shock. Did he truly think I was going to walk away from him just because I could now put a skanky name to the skanky face of the broad he'd described to me three days ago? "I'm not going anywhere, Edward," I spoke, my voice strained but hopefully certain enough to convince him.

"Good." His smile was sad and unconvincing but for now it was enough for me that he knew that I was still in this….whatever it was between us.

"Hey?" I stared at him until I got his attention. "How are you feeling now that…you know."

He shrugged, breathing out a long sigh. "I don't know."

"You don't?" I frowned.

Another shrug. "I knew I'd probably see her some place or other again after she walked out on me. Hell, with her running off with a noted fashion photographer I would have been the dumbest idiot if I thought I'd ever really get away from her but seeing her again after all those years and everything that happened…it's weird."

"Are you still angry?" I knew I was. That Victoria Kingston better watch out if she ever came within a striking distance of me again because I was going to smash that pretty little face of hers up. _Wait a minute…..where did that come from? I thought my mom raised me to be a pacifist. Did I even know how to 'rough someone up'? And what if I'd get arrested? _

"I don't know." Edward looked more confused than anything else. As if he'd never given the matter any thought. "I think I just….I feel disgusted by her, really."

I smiled. "That's a start, I guess."

He shrugged again, the hand not holding mine playing with a half-empty packet of smokes. "Let's just get out of here?"

I nodded. I could see why he wanted to get as far away from this place as he could. And that wasn't just because of the iffy smell of unwashed bodies and piss that seem to be the same for subway stations all over the world. It was because of the glossy magazine still on the floor behind us.

We made our way back to the hotel in companionable silence, each of us needing a few moments to themselves to digest our most recent discoveries before we met for dinner again, two hours later.

"Let me guess," I chuckled before he could speak. "You know a great place nearby?"

He flashed me that grin again, the one that made me weak in the knees, as he offered me his arm. "You know me too well, Miss Swan."

I met his cockiness tit for tat, though my confidence was about as fake as Lindsay Lohan's tan. "Not well enough, Mister Cullen, at least not as far as I'm concerned."

He looked a little uncomfortable, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed hard. "Truce?"

I chuckled, my victory making me feel more confident than I had in ages. "Let's just eat."

The place Edward knew was actually a quaint little restaurant off the main streets, probably known only to people who lived in Montmartre or had friends who knew of it.

Like me.

I still felt like pinching myself every fifteen minutes or so to know that this was real – that I was really here, in this beautiful town, experiencing Paris with a man I was falling so in love with that it made my heart take little leaps in my chest every time I looked at him and burst into a million radiant pieces every time we touched.

But then, there was also doubt.

Still, even after all the time we'd spent together and all the conversations we'd had.

They hadn't been enough.

I knew that during our talks Edward had shared more of himself with me than he had with anyone in a great deal of time and I'd seen how hard it had been for him to open up and make himself vulnerable like that. Hell, up to an extent I knew all too well how scary it was to put yourself out there.

Which was exactly why I was still on my guard.

Because in spite of his openness, he was still holding back.

I knew it.

I could see it in his eyes.

I didn't know if it was because he didn't trust me or because he just wasn't ready to revisit whatever it was that he wasn't telling me but it did hurt, especially when he spoke about how Tanya had been there for him during those hard times.

Don't get me wrong, I was glad she had been but the thought that she knew so much more about him than I did, made me feel hopelessly insecure.

What if he'd never be able to talk to me, the way he did to her?

Would that be something I could live with – knowing that there were parts of him he was deliberately keeping me out of?

Parts he did share with another woman?

I wasn't sure.

What I was sure about, though, was that no amount of pushing from my side was ever going to lead to anything.

I'd just have to be patient and hope for the best.

"This place is amazing," I spoke, trying to take my mind off my own gloomy thought process. "How did you find it?" I looked around at the mishmash of art – some good, some bad, some simply horrendous – hanging on the wall, covering just about every square inch of it and the equally eclectic arrangement of tables and chairs surrounding us.

"Laurent," Edward answered. "He usually eats here when he's in Paris."

I nodded, hoping today was going to be no exception. After everything Edward had told me about the man, I was starting to get very curious. We'd looked for him yesterday afternoon after our visit to the _Louvre_ and the _Arc de Triomphe_ but failed to find him in any of his other usual haunts around the neighborhood. "Do you think he'll be around tonight?"

Edward shrugged. "I honestly don't know. Over the years I've learned never to expect anything when it comes to Laurent. Things happen or they don't."

I smiled, leading my eyes back to the menu but not without scanning the room, looking for a man fitting the odd description Edward had given me of this mysteriously elusive man.

Looking but not finding.

"By the way….you were right about the magazine not being just a girlie magazine?" Edward spoke as we waited for the waiter to bring out our appetizers. "It's got some great artwork in it."

"So you read it?" I asked, not quite sure why that made me insanely happy.

He nodded. "I found another copy in the hotel lobby. I did pass over some bits, though."

I smirked, having a feeling what bits – who's bits – he was referring to.

"I loved your article, by the way." He smiled looking….proud? "I know I've read it before but to see it in the magazine….wow!"

The intensity of his look and all it conveyed made swallowing the bite of my goat's cheese salad a decidedly hard task because of the lump in my throat. "Thanks."

"I've been meaning to ask this ever since I read the article….but what made you come up with the personal approach?" Edward looked up at me, his hands stilling over his entrée. "It almost felt like reading your diary."

"In a good way?"

He smiled radiantly. "In a _very_ good way."

I blushed. "It was my boss, actually."

"She came up with it?" Edward frowned, apparently a bit puzzled by my explanation. "She didn't strike me as a creative kind of person, more of the kind of person who knows who to hire to get her something creative and imaginative."

I chuckled. "And you've come to that conclusion after talking got her….what…two times?"

"Point taken," Edward grinned. "In my defense: I am a very good judge of character. Most of the times, at least."

"I guess you're kind of right about her," I shrugged. "Jane's talent is more in the organizational department than in the creative one. She does have vision, though. She knows what she wants with the magazine and she knows how to go about getting everything and everyone up to scratch…even if it means she has to be ruthless and cruel at times."

"Did that happen with you?" Edward looked fascinated.

"Let's just say she wasn't all that happy with my first draft of the article." I laughed sourly, thinking back about how her comments had hurt my pride but had also given me that nudge in the right direction that I'd so desperately needed. "So I went back to the drawing board, trying to come up with something new; something that would please _her_ as well as the readers."

I paused for breath, taking a small sip from my white wine as the waiter placed my main course of '_canard a l'orange'_ in front of me. "When I thought about it I realized that a lot of the people who were going to be reading my stuff wouldn't be able to visit half of the places I went to, so merely giving the usual kind of tourist information wasn't really going to hack it. I had to make it feel like they were there, living vicariously through me. From that point on everything just kind of…clicked." I shrugged, knowing that this was the only way to describe my creative process, even if it was a highly edited version of it. Edward didn't need to know that it was his cold e-mail after Jane's scathing reception of my first draft that had put me on the right track.

"You made it work," Edward nodded. "When I read the article, I got the feeling as if you were talking directly to me."

I blushed. _Maybe I hadn't been editing my words all that good._ "I kind of was."

"What?"

"I just…." I sighed, pushing the bones of my chicken around on the plate, creating all kinds of interesting patterns in the leftover sauce. "You remember that first e-mail you sent me?"

Edward looked equal parts pained and ashamed. "Don't remind me. Those words….they were the blackest kind of blasphemy."

"Well for me they arrived at just the right moment. I'd just come back from my meeting with Jane so when I read your words…..The article…it sort of started out as my way of telling you what it had been like from _my_ side – how _I'd_ felt, even if you never felt the same."

"So it was a good thing?" Edward seemed as unconvinced of that as I was.

"I wouldn't say it was," I smirked, "but I'd be lying if it didn't save my career in travel journalism."

"Still," he sighed, running his hand through his hair as his other hand fidgeted with the napkin lying in his lap, "I'll never stop regretting my actions."

I shrugged. "What's done is done."

"I know," he smiled sadly, his hand folding around mine on the table, "but I know the cost of my actions…"

Edward looked like he wanted to say something but the arrival of our desserts made him pause. I had a feeling that was a good thing because, as much as he was right and as much as the trust he'd squandered by his actions would take time to regain, I didn't want to ruin the time we had together by living in the past.

And in the present there was a beautiful apple _tarte tatin_ sitting right in front of me, just waiting to be consumed.

So I did.

"Dear God, this is soooo good," I moaned, closing my eyes in pure bliss as the first taste of my desert hit my palette, the sweet gooeyness of the filling and the crunch of the pastry marrying into a perfect explosion of flavors and textures in my mouth.

Heaven.

"I can't believe you didn't wa…." The rest of that sentence died on my lips as I looked up to find Edward staring back at me like a hungry lion eyeing a stray lamb, his hands clenched around the edge of the table like it was a lifeline as he watched me devour my desert.

"Are you done?" he asked, calm and collective on the outside while his eyes were swimming with an internal want that made my thighs clench in anticipation.

"Yes?" I squeaked, wiping the last crumbs from my mouth.

"Good." The words fell from his mouth almost like a snarl and in seconds he was at the waiter's station, settling the check and demanding our coats, leaving me to jog to keep up with him almost in a state of shock.

"Please slow down," panted as he dragged me after him back to our hotel. "I can't walk so fast wearing heals or I'll break a leg."

Next thing I knew I was thrown against a wall, his lips clashing violently with mine even before I could catch up with what happened. "Fuck, Bella!" he growled against my lips. "Do you have any bloody idea what you're doing to me?"

I didn't but I could well venture a guess from the way he was kissing me, his tongue eager and demanding against mine as his hardness pressed up against my stomach. "Same here," I whispered against his lips, sucking in a much needed breath as my hands wove into his hair, holding him to me.

We broke only when we really had to, the sight of Edward standing in front of me panting for breath as his eyes glistened back at me like those of a starving predator eyeing its next meal making me want to dive in for round two. "My room, _now_," he growled, already tugging on my arm again before his words had reached my ears.

_Yes and please. _

I tried my best to keep up with him as he all but jogged the rest of the way to our hotel but even when I faltered, his arms were always there, making sure I was okay. We must have provided quite a scene for the receptionist, though, with me nervously skipping from one foot to the next while Edward marched up and down the small space in front of the elevator like a general commanding his forced into the battlefield.

He had me pressed up against the inside of his door as soon as he'd opened it as our lips locked once again in an urgent tango to express what words could not convey in that moment.

Need.

Want.

Lust.

Love?

"Bloody hell, Bella," he panted against my lips, his hand closing around my leg and wrapping it around his waist. "Can you feel what you're doing to me sweetheart?"

"Yes," I moaned, my head slamming back against the hard wood of the door as his equally hard cock pressed up against the apex of my legs. "Oh, God, yes."

My hands grabbed hold of his shoulders for leverage as I pressed back, my nails digging into the thin fabric of his shirt as our bodies desperately sought the friction that would ease the pent up frustration that had built up over the last couple of days, the only sounds breaking through the heavy silence laden with sexual electricity being our sounds of pleasure and the noise of clothing brushing and shifting as we pawed each other like there was no tomorrow.

"Like that?" he chuckled, thrusting his hips into me in a way that was mind blowing.

"Don't stop," I panted, wrapping my arms around his neck to use them as leverage as I wrapped my other leg around his waist as well, the intensity of his hard length rubbing against my pussy growing to degrees where I almost couldn't stand it.

He growled. "Never!" before his lips pressed against mine again, his tongue thrusting into my mouth in keeping with the movements of his hips as we both careened into the land of bliss.

"Edward…I….I….." I squirmed, trying to get him to hit that one perfect spot that would send me flying.

"I know, honey," he hissed, his head falling onto my shoulder as his body tensed on the brink of release. "Almost there…..fuck, baby, you make me feel so bloody good."

And just like that, I let go; my head once again smashing against the door as the most toe-curling orgasm of my life wracked through my body, making all sorts of inexplicable – but probably hopelessly embarrassing – words fall from my lips as I held onto Edward for dear life.

He didn't seem to mind, though, his own mouth sprouting of similar nonsense to mine as he rode out his climax, his hands as shaky as my legs as he helped me down onto the ground again.

"That was….." he started, scratching the back of his head as he stood there, awkwardly.

"Bloody amazing?" I offered, sticking to his vocabulary.

Judging by the wide and radiant grin it helped. "Yeah, you could say that."

We both stood there for a moment, waiting for our breaths to return to normal and just being generally awkward.

"Stay here?" In doubt, Edward looked just like a little lost boy, his green eyes looking down at me with a look that made me realize he really wasn't sure whether I wanted to stay or not.

Not even after he'd spent the last two nights in my bed.

"Gladly." I smiled back at him, "I'll just get my things."

When I got back – changed into my nightclothes and with my teeth freshly brushed – Edward was already under the covers, the look of pure adoration as he held up the sheets for me making my heart do another one of those little somersaults it had been doing virtually nonstop since I'd deboarded the plane.

"Thanks." I could feel my cheeks pinking up as I settled into the crook of his arm.

"Good night, sweetheart," he spoke and I felt the pressure of his lips as they pressed against the crown of my head.

"Sleep well," my voice sounded heavy as I slowly felt myself drift into sleep, his presence making me feel safer and more at ease than I'd ever felt in my life.

My worries and doubts still lingered in the distance but right then?

Life was good.

* * *

_**The well-wishes and thoughts for my beta and her newborn baby boy have really touched my heart. Thank you everyone, also on behalf of The Real Teacher. She came out of the surgery as well as anyone can come out of a surgery and is now recovering at home with her family. I will keep you all posted if I have news to share. **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	14. The City that Never Sleeps pt3

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**The Real Teacher deserves an award for putting up with my many, many mistakes and making these chapters look pretty. Thank you so much, bb!**_

_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You'll have to dig for them, though, since the pictures of Bella and Alice's apartment were posted a while ago. You can find it under 'places'. The link is on my profile page.**_

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**Chapter 13 – The City that Never Sleeps**

_**Or how the whole long distance things turned out to have its downsides….and its perks.**_

~ part one ~

_Your attention please, passengers for American Airlines, flight 121 to New York JFK, departure time 14:30 PM, immediate boarding please at gate B15_

I sighed, my heart sinking lower and lower in my chest as I listened to the soft female voice on the intercom, announcing the end of my time with Edward.

I felt like crying.

And so I did.

"Sweetheart," Edward sighed, pulling me into his arms. "Please don't cry. If you keep it up I can't guarantee you I'll start too and ….well, it would be a bloody disaster to my street-cred if I was caught whimpering like a total pussy."

I knew his words were meant to make me smile but at that moment I couldn't muster up the self-control to do anything but cry harder. "I don't want to go."

The pressure of his arms around my waist increased as he let out another deep sigh, his lips pressing into my hair before he muttered, "I don't want you to go."

I sniffed, my tears staining his jacket as he gently swayed us back and forth while whispering in my ear how everything was going to be okay and how we were going to make this work no matter how many miles were between us. I knew his words were meant to make it easier for me to walk away but all they managed to achieve was that they made me want to leave him even less than I already did.

He was perfect.

He was everything I wanted right when I needed him most.

And now I had to leave because….why actually?

Oh yes, work.

Responsibilities.

That annoying little voice in the back of my head that told me that eight days spent together and a few hours on the phone did not warrant a drastically step like moving continents and leaving everything I'd spent years building up behind.

Yet.

Damn. Sometimes I really hated being a responsible adult.

The repetition of the boarding call in at least three different languages of which I could understand only one made me finally but very reluctantly disentangle myself from Edward's hold, my fingers wiping at my eyes as I took a small step back. "I have to go."

Edward sighed, looking dejected as he ran his hand through his hair, making it stand up in rebellion even more than it usually did. "I know, sweetheart."

"How many weeks until London?" I tried to force my lips into a smile. I didn't want him to remember me as a sniffling mess when he went back to Rome. Still, my smile was just that…._forced_.

Edward groaned. "Too bloody many!"

"Tell me about it." I smiled wryly, knowing that between us and our next meeting stood three weeks of having to make do with phone calls and e-mails.

"They'll be over before we know it." His voice had about as much conviction in it as mine would have had. "What with work and the holidays and all that."

I pouted. "I hope so." Then again, knowing I would be spending Christmas in Forks, I had a feeling the hours were going to drag.

"So," I let out a deep sigh as I looked at the gate, now almost empty of people. "I guess this is it."

His hands closed around my cheekbones, his forehead leaning against mine as we relished the last few seconds we had together. "Be safe, sweetheart," he said softly, his long fingers running along my cheeks.

"I will," I whispered, "as long as you are too."

He nodded. "Call me as soon as you get home?"

"It will be the middle of the night over here," I objected.

"Call me," he repeated, a little more urgently. "I won't get any sleep if I don't know for sure that you made it back in one piece."

I smiled. "Okay."

He kissed me deeply, profoundly and with an amount of emotion that made my heart soar and shatter into a million little pieces all at once before he stepped back, both of us glassy-eyed and panting for breath. "Now go, while I still have the strength to let you."

I bit my lip, my whole frame trembling with the effort of keeping my misery at bay, as I looked at him one last time, my hand coming up to wave goodbye before I turned away and walked, not stopping until after I'd cleared the gate. It was only then, when there was no turning back anymore that I stopped and turned around, tears streaming down my face as I scanned the terminal for any signs of him.

Nothing.

Only air.

He'd already left.

I didn't know if I felt relieved or disappointed at that but I did know that if I didn't make it to the plane right then, it was going to leave without me.

Part of me was still wondering if that would have been such a bad thing after all.

I mechanically made my way to my seat, stopping and starting a million times while I made my way through the fuselage to allow people to stuff their crap into the overhead lockers as I progressed to my seat near the tail end of the plane. _Where would he be? Did he make it to his gate all right? Was he looking out through the glass, feeling every bit as miserable as I was right now? _

I sighed, leaning my head against the backrest as I looked out of the window towards the terminal. Would he still be there somewhere, hidden amongst the hundreds of people milling around on this airport? Or had he already boarded his own plane? Was he thinking of me? And if he did, was he feeling as heartbroken as I was at that moment?

A lonely tear slipped from the corners of my eyes as I closed my eyes, the noise of an airplane filled with tourist temporarily frowned out by the overwhelming sense of loss and loneliness...and fear.

What if he turned cold again, just like he had after Rome?

What if he found someone prettier and more available in those three weeks we'd be apart?

What if…

Deciding I needed some cheerful music to lift my spirits before I would go mad, I retrieved my bag from underneath the seat in front of me and rifled through it in search of my IPod, my hand immediately encountering a hard, foreign object stacked on top of my books.

A box.

I frowned as I took the small, rectangular object out of my bag. _Wait a minute…..I didn't pack this._

Letting my fingers run over the blue velvet box and tearing at the ribbons until the delicate little bow gave way, my heart started to speed up as I realized that unless the Sinaloa-cartel had picked me to be their next drug runner (something I really doubted since the box looked rather small to be containing any amount of drugs a criminal organization would got through great length to smuggle into the US)…if it wasn't any of that…..it meant…Edward.

Tears sprung into my eyes as I opened it to reveal a charm bracelet, unadorned except for one beautiful charm; a glass heart capturing what little light shone from overhead and reflecting it back to me.

A tear fell into the box, staining a piece of paper that lay underneath the beautiful bracelet, my hands trembling as I wriggled it out from underneath to expose Edward elegant script.

_Take care of my heart, I'm leaving it with you._

I gasped, holding the bracelet against my heart as I drank in his words, my heart feeling as if it was about to burst from both happiness and sadness as the plane started to accelerate on the runway; minutes from taking off and leaving Paris and Edward behind.

Sighing deeply I leaned back against the headrest staring out into the clouds as the plane rose above the ground, my fingers caressing the beautiful piece of jewelry as my heart sang with the sentiment it conveyed_. Oh, Edward. I love you. _

**oOo**

It was ten past five in the afternoon when we landed, my eyes red and puffy from crying – intermittently with joy and with grief as I schlepped my tired body mechanically towards baggage claim, splurging on a cab as I got my way back into the city. My mind didn't feel like it would be able to process a train ride home.

_Home_.

I looked up at the building as the cab driver deposited me right in front of my door. It was strange, but for the first time in my life, I wasn't so happy to be back.

_Nope._ I'd definitely left my heart in Paris, just like Edward had left his with me.

I smiled, touching the glass heart dangling from my charm bracelet as I dragged my suitcase after me into the building.

Nothing had changed but still….for me, everything was different. This last trip….Edward….it was like my whole world had shifted on its axis. When I got back from Rome I was already falling for him but I'd been so unsure….

Unsure of his feelings for me.

Unsure of my feelings for him.

Unsure of whether or not this whole long-distance thing was even worth it.

Now, after spending the better part of a week with him, I knew for a fact that it was. I _wanted_ to be with Edward no matter the hardships that came with both of us being on two different continents. It was just that it was so damned….. _hard_.

I jostled my suitcase out of the elevator and opened my apartment door, mechanically tossing my keys on the table next to the door.

_Home sweet home._

I sighed, closing my eyes as I leaned back against the door, my mind transporting me back to the hotel room we'd left behind us, empty and forlorn, earlier that day. The familiar image of our sofa and coffee table replaced by the slightly less familiar but all the more welcome sight of Edward leaning back against the pillows of the bed, his bare chest glistening in the soft light of the bedside lamp as he rifled through that day's harvest in pictures; his brows furrowed and lips pursed in concentration.

My lips pulled into a smile as I slowly merged the two images together; the vision so strangely wonderful that it managed to push my sadness to the background for a moment. _Edward sitting on the sofa, his brow furrowed as his fingers ghosted over his camera….._

Before I could elaborate on that thought, a loud clang coming from the kitchen pulled me out of my reverie and back into a harsh reality that was sadly lacking in 'Edward'.

"Alice?" I asked, wondering why my cousin hadn't been lying in ambush somewhere near the front door. It wasn't like her to miss a good opportunity for girl talk. "You in there girl?"

Rounding the corner I let out a shriek of surprised when I came face to face not with my cousin but with Jasper.

A very naked Jasper, looking very much like a deer caught in headlights as he stared back at me, his junk barely shielded by the door of the fridge as his right hand held on to a bottle of Heineken for dear life.

"Jasper?" I squeaked, not really knowing what to say in a moment like this.

'_Welcome to our house',_ didn't seem right since, judging by the way he looked, he'd already been welcomed and then some.

'_Nice to see you'_ seemed kind of strange as well, since I was pretty sure he didn't like meeting like this any more than I did, probably less since it couldn't be comfortable to stand buck naked in front of an open fridge like that.

"So, you're back, huh?" Jasper asked, taking a sip of his beer as if there was nothing strange about this situation at all.

I had to give him credit for acting as cool as he probably felt, even more so because I couldn't muster anything above a fumbled. "Er….yeah?"

"I think Alice didn't expect you back before tomorrow," he chuckled, using his free hand to scratch his head. "I don't think she would have….." He shrugged, letting his voice trail off.

_What, allowed her boyfriend to parade around the house in nothing but his skin?_ I snorted. "No, I don't think so either."

"You mind giving me a hand with this?" My eyes grew huge yet again as his hands waved over the general area where his junk was hidden behind the refrigerator door.

"I-I….I don't….."

He rolled his eyes. "Not like that! God no! Alice would fucking kill me and even if she didn't, you're not really my type, Swan, sorry."

"No offense taken," I chuckled relieved. "You're not really mine either."

"Good. That's settled." He nodded, taking another sip from his beer bottle. "So do you think you could hand me a towel or an apron or something so that I can get the hell out from behind your fridge door? I think my balls are going to freeze off if I stand here for much longer."

"Sure." I cringed a little at the mental picture he created. It wasn't like I didn't think Jasper's junk was going to be very enjoyable to some – Alice for instance – but just that over the time we'd spend together he'd become sort of a surrogate brother type of friend which meant that I had about as much desire to see his junk as I had to see Sam's.

It was just...eww…..some things didn't need to be seen.

I blindly handed him the apron my grandma had given me as a housewarming gift snickering as I thought Nanna Swan would be happy to know that after three years of hanging on a peg and collecting dust, it would finally be used, though maybe not in the capacity she indented for it. "I'll just…..give you some privacy," I mumbled, hastily retreating back into the living room.

I was busy studying the pictures of our family we had on the wall when Jasper padded back into the room, chuckling as I warily turned around to see if the coast was clear.

"How was Paris?" he asked, looking rather ridiculous in my apron and holding two beers in his hands.

"Good…no, _great_," I smiled, regardless of the uncomfortable situation as I thought back about the last couple of days. "So you and Alice, huh?"

"Yeah," he grinned widely. "Me and Alice."

I rolled my eyes. "Finally. We were beginning to lose hope."

Before he could answer a loud crash sounded from inside the apartment, followed by footsteps sprinting towards us. "Giddy up, cowboy!" Alice's voice shrieked from the hallway. "You know it's hellishly impolite to keep a girl waiting!"

Both of us turned towards the sound of her voice with a look of horror, just in time to see Alice barreling into the living room as naked as the day she was born save for a satin robe that was hanging loosely around her small frame and Jasper's well worn snakeskin boots.

_Seriously? What was with all the nakedness? _

"Oh hi, Bella!" Apart from a slight blush pinking her cheeks, there was nothing to indicate even the slightest hint of embarrassment in my cousin as she leisurely strode up to Jasper, took the second bottle from his hand with her free hands and drank half of the contents in one gulp, belching loudly before she turned her attention back to me. "I thought you weren't coming home until tomorrow. My bad."

"I'll just err…." I fumbled, my eyes still safely trained to the ground, "…unpack….give you some privacy to….uhm…."

"Get decent?" Jasper offered.

"Yeah," I muttered. "Or…I don't know….finish whatever the hell you were doing before I ruined it and…well….err…never mind me, I'll be in my room." At least, that would be once I'd managed to get the wheels of my suitcase to move in the right direction without taking my eyes away from the carpet

No such luck.

Glancing sideways at the bit of the rug that had gotten scrunched up between the wheels of my suitcase I noticed that Jasper had taken post behind the sofa even if the apron covered all the bits that needed to be covered, while Alice stood next to him, grinning from ear to ear. _Well, I guess that was all the proof I ever needed of the fact that she really did take after the Higginbotham side of the family. My mom and hers would be so proud if they could see her now. I'd have taken pictures to share with them on the next Higginbotham family meet up if I hadn't been so embarrassed. _

"Here, let me help ya," Jasper spoke, his hands pulling the wheels of my suitcase free and helping me drag the damned thing clear across the carpet. "I'd take in into your room for you but seeing as things are right now…" He blushed, obviously remembering the way his ass was hanging out in the back.

"Thanks," I chuckled, "but I'll manage from here. I'm sure you have more pressing matters to deal with."

Alice snorted. "Yeah, I'm sure he does. It's a nice sight from where I'm standing, though."

"Okay, I'm going now." I shook my head though I couldn't help but smile at my cousins' happiness as I made my way into my bedroom, my sadness only coming back when I closed the door behind me.

And boy, did it come back with a vengeance.

Leaning back against the door my mind was flooded with memories of the day before; the way Edward had pushed me up against the door of his hotel room as he kissed me with a hunger and passion that made me wonder why I ever doubted his feelings for me in the first place.

They were there, alright.

It wasn't just lust in his kisses, it was also urgency… need…want…._love_? It was the same amazing and confusion mix of emotions that had coursed through me at that moment but knowing that he felt it too…..it was the greatest feeling and my worst fear all tied up in one very handsome package.

I knew in that moment that he had been speaking the truth when he told me he wanted to wait to have sex until we were both in the right mindset. He'd been right, as much as I hated to admit it. While part of me wanted nothing more than for him to make love to me – even longed for the day when he would – I knew that right then, I wouldn't be able to give him my all.

Just like him.

We were both still on our guard around each other; both holding back those aspects of our lives that made us most vulnerable. Waiting until we both trusted the other enough to let go of that safety net would make it all the better in the end.

Though as I sagged onto my bed, looking dejectedly at my open suitcase and the remnants of my four amazing days with Edward, it was hard to make my heart and body see reason. They both yearned for him in a way that made my bones ache; especially after what I'd just walked into.

I was so happy for Alice. She'd finally found the man of her dreams and if the look on Jasper's face as he looked at her was anything to go by, she was the woman of his as well.

There were no two people in the world who deserved to be in love more than those two and I couldn't be happier for them.

Still, seeing it up close and personal….it tore a new gash into my already bleeding heart.

They had each other, Alice and Jasper. They could be in love together, go to movies, hold hands on nightly walks and just be together without that constant deadline looming on the horizon whereas I…

I was startled by the sound of my own voice as I let out a deep sob, tears streaming down my face as I sat back on my bed, my arms wrapped around my body in a desperate attempt to hold myself together.

I missed him so much it was starting to make me wonder if I could do this long distance thing in the first place. How in the world could love ever blossom if it was rooted in two different continents?

"Jasper's gone, Bella. It's safe to come out no..." Alice's voice faltered when she saw the state I was in, her eyes immediately shifting from humor to compassion as she sat down next to me on the bed. "Honey, what's wrong."

"It's just…" I hiccupped, my voice wracked by sobs. "I miss him. I miss him so much, Ally."

Oh, I know you do," Alice sighed, wrapping her arms around me.

"No, you don't get it!" I cried. "If I miss him this much already after – what – fourteen hours, then how in God's name am I going to make this work? I'm not supposed to miss him this much!"

"You'll find a way, sweetie," Alice soothing voice spoke. "You have to, don't you?"

I nodded against her shoulders. "It's just…..this – the walking away, the not being close to each other – is getting so hard; much harder than I thought it would be. I just….I want to be with him all the time."

"I know," Alice sighed, rubbing my back as she let me cry. "This has to be so hard for you, honey."

"I don't know," I sighed; my body limp, having given all it had left in it to spend as I dried my eyes. "Maybe I'm overreacting but it's just.….it's going to be more than three weeks before I can see him again and when I walked in on you and Jasper…..something just….snapped."

"Believe me, Bella. If I had realized you'd be back today instead of tomorrow, I wouldn't have rubbed your face in it like that."

"This is not your fault," I spoke, mustering every morsel of conviction I had in me. "You deserve this, Alice. After all the waiting and running in circles around each other there's no one who deserves to be happy and in love more than you do. Don't _ever_ feel sorry about it."

"I can't help it," Alice muttered. "I just wish you could be as happy as I am as well."

"I will be." I wrapped my arms around her skinny frame, kissing the top of her head. "I just need some time to be all emo every now and then."

"Please know that if you need a partner in crime, I'd be more than happy to volunteer my services," Alice grinned. "My shoulders may be small and too damn bony for their own good but they are as good as any other to cry on."

"Thanks, sweetie," I smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."

We sat there in companionable silence for a little while, staring out over the city as we both sunk into our thoughts. "Have you thought about calling Edward?"

My silence told her everything she needed to know.

"For heaven's sake why don't you?" she asked. "You're sitting here all down and depressed when you have the remedy for your worries literally at your fingertips."

"I can't just dump my shit all over him!" I snorted. "There's nothing more off-putting than a woman who goes all emo on you over the phone."

Alice didn't seem to be at all impressed with that. "Call him, Bella," she urged me. "Talk to him. You know you want to"

"But it's late there," I objected, though be it weakly. "He's probably asleep right now." There was nothing I wanted more at that moment than to talk to him but I also knew that, given the state I was in, I'd probably be a mess the moment I heard his voice. I didn't want to drag him down into my misery or scare him away with it, which was why I wanted to wait until morning.

Until I'd had some time to calm down.

"He asked you to call him, right?" Alice's lips pulled into a smile when she caught my confirming blush. "So call him. _You_ need to talk to him and, if I even know him a little bit, _he_ needs you to talk to him as well."

I sighed. "You're right, Ally."

"Of course I am," she grinned, grabbing my bag and rifling through it until she emerged triumphant with my phone. "I'll be in the living room when you're done."

And with that she skipped out of the room, leaving me behind with my phone in my hand and great big old lump in my throat.

What did I say to him?

_Really Bella,_ my subconscious scolded, hand on hip and bitch brow in place, _yesterday you were grinding yourself all over his junk and today you're wondering what to say to him?_

I guess my inner voice had a point.

Trying not to over think things, though with my nature to do just that that wasn't an easy thing, I scrolled through my contact list, immediately pressing on the green little button as soon as I reached his name and waited.

"Bella" His voice sounded breathless, like he'd been running to his phone even though he'd picked up after the second ring.

And just like that, things started to feel right again, the warmth in his voice and the eagerness with which he answered my call making the fear and doubt and sorrow slowly slip of my shoulders as I sat back on the bed and smiled.

* * *

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	15. The City that Never Sleeps pt4

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

_**The Real Teacher deserves an award for putting up with my many, many mistakes and making these chapters look pretty. Thank you so much, bb!**_

* * *

_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

* * *

_**I know…a day early. I hope you won't mind ;-)**_

* * *

**Chapter 13 – The City that Never Sleeps**

_**Or how the whole long distance things turned out to have its downsides….and its perks.**_

~ part two ~

"Hi," I whispered. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

I wanted to slap myself for asking a stupid thing like that. It was – what - three in the morning over there. Of course he'd be sleeping.

"You didn't," Edward spoke, as serious as if I hadn't just asked the mother of silly questions. "I couldn't sleep so I started working on your pictures. You'll have them tomorrow if everything goes according to plan."

"That's good." I smiled, sitting back against my headboard as I slowly felt the tension and worry slipping from my body. "So how are you? Apart from sleepless and worn out?"

"I miss you."

His admission, though very welcome, came so unexpectedly I let out a gasp. "You do?"

"Of course I do, Bella." He sighed deeply. "What the hell did you think? That I could just walk away from you after the week we spent together and not think about you every bloody minute of every sodding day?"

"I don't know…." I muttered.

"I'm in this, Bella," he insisted. "I know it won't be easy and I know there will be moments when we'll both go crazy just from missing each other too damn much but as far as I'm concerned it's all bloody worth it in the end. _You're_ worth it."

"So are you," I whispered, feeling a tear run down my cheek.

Edward let out another sigh, though I could tell this time it wasn't from frustration, his voice free from the strain that had been attached to it before as he spoke again. "So do you miss me at all?"

"You should have seen me before," I chuckled, my own mind at ease now that I knew he felt the same. "When I saw Alice and Jasper together, I was a mess."

"I wish I could have been there for you, sweetheart," Edward spoke, full of remorse.

"I know," I replied, "but it's only three more weeks until London, right?"

"Yeah," he grudgingly admitted. "Three more weeks."

He let out another deep breath. "So Alice and Jasper, huh?"

"Yeah," I chuckled, settling into my bed a I told him everything that happened from the moment we parted to the moment I called him, my free hand playing with the glass heart on my charm bracelet as we talked.

It wasn't the same as being with him but just hearing his voice…it was as close it as we were going to get and it made me feel like those three weeks maybe wouldn't be as bad as I'd made them out to be as long as we could have this every day.

When we ended the call, about an hour later, I was in a much better place than I had been before, joining Alice on the sofa to catch up with everything that had happened in our lives while we'd been apart before catching an early night; the strain of the last twenty four hours catching up with me as soon as I lay my head on my pillow.

And as always, my thoughts and dreams were filled with Edward.

**oOo**

The next morning found me making my familiar trip to work, travel mug in hand as I braved the overcrowded subway and managed to squeeze myself through the equally overcrowded pavements until I ended up in the haven of hectic but much less crowded activity I called work.

"Hold the elevator."

I swallowed hard as I recognized the voice of the big boss but though there was nothing I wanted more than for the doors to close before he could join me, I still obediently did what he told me, pushing my body into the furthest corner of the small, enclosed elevator car as he slid in, all charming smiles and expensive suits.

Arthur – Aro – Volturi was the CEO and founder of the Volturi Publishing Group; the big media conglomerate that owned the building, Epicenter and well as dozens other publications.

He also happened to be Jane's stepfather, though I think she preferred not to be reminded of that.

Her mother, one of those famous Upper East Side cougars, had snatched Aro up when Jane was about ten years old, thereby ending her reign as the sun Sulpicia Livingston's life revolved around.

Yes, Sulpicia – Sully for intimate friends. Over the years I'd learned that rich people liked to give their brood the most ridiculous names you could think of. So far, Sulpicia had been one of the weirdest I'd encountered, right up there with Puppy (yes, Puppy) Rochester and of course, Sulpicia's sister Didyme.

As far as Aro went…I didn't think Jane had ever forgiven him for moving in on her mother's affections like that; her hatred for him growing even more when a year later her little brother Alec had been born and everyone pretty much forgot about her. It had been a blow that had cut deeply into Jane's soul and one she had tried to erase for about as long as she lived but never quite succeeded. Though Jane had made a success out of her life within the Volturi Group while Alec was living it up in the party scene, flunking out of one college after another, all their father had eyes for was his son.

And still people wondered why Jane had turned out as somewhat of a bitch.

Over the years Jane and her stepfather had come to some sort of understanding, though, with him relying mostly on her talents for running Epicenter as an independent – and surprisingly successful, especially in this economy – publication within the Volturi Group while he remained a force in the background; their mutual animosity creating a competitive atmosphere that had caused the company to thrive for as long as anyone could remember.

He was one of those CEO's who found himself quite empathic to the fate of his minions; and empathy which was quite happily shushed by spending the odd ten minutes every month or so talking to an awkward and highly nervous employee before giving himself a pat on the back for caring so much about what the 'little people' thought.

It seemed that this month the honor had fallen upon me to fill the role of 'minion of the month'.

Great.

"Miss….Swan, isn't it?" The hairs at the base of my neck stood on end as he regarded me with his cold steel blue eyes.

"Y-yes?" I squeaked out, highly uncomfortable with the close proximity but at the same time rather flattered that the big boss knew my name.

He smiled widely; probably meaning to put me at ease or charm the pants of me but succeeding only in creeping me out big time. "Your reputation precedes you."

I frowned. "How so?"

"Your new travel column?" He waited until my brain had finally caught up. "Our test audience couldn't stop raving about it and from what Jane told me, the magazine has received a lot of positive feedback about its new feature."

If I'd been alone right then I would have probably broken out in the happy dance but seeing as I was standing in front of the Big Kahuna and he probably wouldn't be impressed with my dancing skills I just smiled uncomfortably and hopped from one foot onto the next as I watched the numbers slowly – much too damn slow – count up to the 88th floor. "That's….good news."

"Good news?" Mr. Volturi guffawed. "It's great news. You're allowed to be very proud of yourself, _Isabella_."

The way he lisped my name send a shiver down my spine and I had to fight not to make a face. Creepy though he may have been, he was still my boss' boss after all. He could probably fire me in a jiffy, no questions asked. "I-I am," I stuttered. "I'm just a bit….introverted, that's all."

Mr. Volturi seemed to be pleased with my answer, the straightening of his back indicating that his allotted time for 'mingling with the little people' had reached their completion, which was why I was rather surprised when he suddenly waved a shiny white business card in front of my face. "I know my step-daughter can be very brusque at times…."

He paused to gauge my reaction, looking rather pleased when there was none (though once again I had to really fight not to break out into a loud snort). "If you ever find yourself disenchanted with your work on the 88th floor, just give me a call."

I took the card from his bony, wrinkled fingers, shuddering slightly as his cold skin came into contact with mine. "Here at the Volturi Group we greatly value young, talented writers such as yourself. We could always find a place for you….." He let his words trail off, his face again intent on mine, clearly expecting some kind of outpour of gratitude.

_What the hell was going on? Was he really trying to 'steal' me away from Jane? _

_It looked like it but….._

_Why? _

"I…eh…..thanks?" I mumbled, pocketing the card. "This is really such a….generous offer." I breathed a sigh of relief when finally the elevator dinged open at the 88th floor, offering me a change to escape the clutches of Aro Volturi.

He smiled radiantly, gallantly vacating the elevator to give me free passage out of the otherwise empty cart. "Just something to keep in mind, Miss Swan," he whispered as I walked past him, looking intently at me as he stepped back into the elevator right before the doors slid shut again.

Eww.

After that, I had to take a detour through the restrooms before I could make it to the safety of my cubicle, the contents of my stomach still riling after my meeting with the big boss.

"It's quiet in here," I chuckled, immediately noticing the empty cubicle across from me.

"It's great, isn't it?" Charlotte's face appeared above the divider wall between her office and mine. "Riley's out of town doing this big interview with Lady Gaga on performance art versus the music industry so we all get some peace and quiet until he returns."

My eyes almost fell out of their sockets. "He got the gig?"

Charlotte rolled her eyes. "Please! There was no living with him once he got the news!"

I felt a pang of sadness, having missed my friend's biggest moment of glory in probably his whole life. Riley adored Lady Gaga. He lived and breathed her music and just about devoured everything that had ever been published about her. This…..it was like a devout nun getting a private audience with the Pope. "I can't believe Jane gave him the job!"

"I think she just grew tired of his nagging," Charlotte snickered. "That or she must really have a heart hidden underneath that ice queen exterior after all!"

"I take it she's out right now?" I chuckled, nudging my head in the direction of our boss' office.

Charlotte nodded enthusiastically, her dislike for Jane being no secret around the office. "She'll be back this afternoon, though, for the run through."

_Ah, yes, the run through_. I found myself smiling as I remembered how Alice had rushed through the house like a madwoman earlier today; trying to get to work as fast as she could so that she could get everything done in time.

It was the same thing every two weeks. The whole place would go mad in anticipation of Jane's verdict and she would sit in the corner, silently enjoying herself and the power she wielded over her little lackeys until the same came when she got to bash just about every idea that was put in front of her.

And the worst thing was, or so I'd heard, that she had a point in everything she said.

"Thanks for the reminder," I chuckled. "I think we're low on Haagen-Dazs at home, which is never a good thing on run-though days."

"Aren't you supposed to be in there now that you're the 'next big thing' in travel journalism?" Charlotte jested.

"Good God, no!" I snorted. "I'm quite happy to let Kate speak on behalf of all of the writers, thank you very much."

"Well, don't grow your part too well," Charlotte joked, "or you're going to find yourself in there with the rest of those poor schmucks."

I chuckled. "I'll keep that in mind."

I worked diligently for the next couple of hours; reworking some sections in previously written columns that the editing staff – in other words: Charlotte – had found wanting and outlining my Paris article, until my phone rang.

_Mom_.

I sighed, knowing that this was about the upcoming trip home; my first trip back since I'd left and one that was about as eagerly anticipated as a trip to the dentist, at least, by me. My aversion to the trip wasn't so much because of my family – who I looked forward to seeing – as to the fact that while there I would have to dodge way too many people to ever feel comfortable walking the streets of Forks.

"Hey baby," mom's voice sang as soon as I picked up. "How are you holding up?"

I laughed, the singsong tone of her voice reminding me of how she used to greet me at the door every day when I came back from school with tea and freshly baked (though more often than not slightly burned or undercooked) cookies. "I'm fine mom. How's everything over there? Is Emily alright?"

"She's doing great! Big as a house and cranky as a constipated bear but what do you expect? The poor girl's carrying your brother's baby and if he or she is any bit as big as Sam was when he was born…well, let's just say I won't recommend vaginal delivery."

I cringed, the words 'vagina' and 'mom' being as welcome an occurrence together as the sight of Jasper's junk. "I'm glad she's doing okay. She was so scared something would go wrong after….."

"I know," mom's voice sounded wary, both of us remembering a less than happy time in our family's history. "There's a lot less stress this time around though and with the child growing and developing just as he or she should, the doctors are very hopeful that his time our Emmy will carry him or her to term."

I smiled, though deep inside I still felt that same twinge of guilt that always surfaced whenever I thought back about those days. _If only I hadn't…_

"You must be busy, though, so how about I cut to the chase?" mom spoke, ending my trip down the darker alleys of memory lane.

"Yeah." I chuckled. "I don't want Jane walking in on me having a personal conversation with my mom. God knows I'll never hear the end of it."

"I still don't know how you and Alice can put up with that woman," mom grumbled. "From what I've heard of her that Jane person you work for could give Anna Wintour a run for her money in the scary bitch department. I don't want you to end up getting hurt like you did….."

"She's okay, mom," I interrupted her. "She's not that bad, really. I mean, yeah, she keeps a high standard and expects everyone to live up to it but this magazine would never have become what it is today without her doing it. You of all people should know how hard it is for a woman to succeed."

"You've got me there," mom conceded wryly. "And I know what you're going to say next: that if she were a man, no one would even think about calling her a bitch. Then again….it's kind of hard when the victim of her 'high standards' is the little girl you used to comfort when she fell off the playground swings."

"I know, mom," I sighed, "but she's not that bad, really."

"I guess I'll just have to take your word for it." Mom sounded not as convinced as I'd hoped by far but I guess I'd had to accept that.

"So you said you had a reason for calling me?" I asked, quickly changing the subject.

"You mean other than to update you on Emmy's status and set back feminism back a decade or two?" mom giggled. "I just wanted to let you know that the coast will be clear when you'll be swinging by Forks in two weeks time."

"You're not making sense, mom." I smiled knowingly. Talking with mom always had you trying to play catch up to the stuff mom, in her own flaky state of mind, forgot to mention.

"I ran into Laura Newton and her posse of airheads today in the gym parking lot and overheard her bragging about the family spending the holidays in Aspen. I thought you might want to know that before you head over."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "That's great news. At least now I won't have to stay indoors if I don't want to run into Mike."

"What did I say, baby girl," mom replied sternly. "No one in this family is to ever mention the name of that miserable son of a bitch again. And that includes you, missy!"

I chuckled. "Sorry, mom, I forgot."

"You'd better not slip up in front of your father or there's going to be hell to pay," mom joked. "You know he's going to take his anger out on the Newtons – and God knows they deserve it – but I kinda fear for his job. Last time he pulled one of them over Bob Newton threatened to take it up with the county officials if Charlie singled him out again and….."

"I'll make sure I won't mention he-who-will-not-be-named in front of dad," I said, cutting short her rant as I spotted movement near the elevators from out of the corners of my eyes. "I've gotta go mom, I think my boss just marched in."

"Okay, baby," mom said. "Take care of yourself and Alice and I'll see you in two weeks."

I put the phone down right on time, Jane marching past my desk only seconds later; her face like a thundercloud and Rose clambering to keep up with her.

I took it the preview they'd visited of Jake Black's new feature exhibition didn't go quite as planned.

Poor Jake.

When Jane had founded the magazine, part of her goal for it was to launch new, young artists above and beyond the New York underground scene. So far, in the ten years that Epicenter had been in existence, she'd managed to build up an impressive portfolio of artists who all had her to thank for their careers and who would contribute, at times, to the magazine, making sure our circulation remained at a steady number.

Jake had been one of her first 'finds', his vibrant and raw paintings and graffiti's jumped out from the page as soon as you turned it and captivated audiences nationwide. Jane had made sure he got the exposure he needed to lift his career off the ground and had generously backed his first solo exhibition in a local gallery. From there on he'd done stuff around the country and made a name for himself but this January he was going to come back to his old stomping ground in an exhibition that would be an ode to his Maecenas.

An ode, it seemed now, that wouldn't be exactly welcomed with open arms.

"How did it go?" I mouthed in Rose's direction as Jane blew past me.

She rolled her eyes, looking rather heated as she jogged past me answering my raised eyebrows in a panting voice. "Let's just say someone's going to have to go back to the drawing board and come up with a new exposition in…oooh say about two weeks time, or all hell's going to break loose."

"Miss Hale, this lifetime please," Jane's voice sneered from the doorway of the outer office, cutting short my already brief conversation with Rose.

I leaned back, watching her go. As much as I sometimes longed for the peace and monotony of the days when I still had a nine to five office job, I had to say that getting out from underneath Jane's scrutiny every once in a while was very much a good thing.

Who would have thought?

* * *

_**It seems like Bella's gotten caught in the Volturi's twisted web. What will happen, you think? And do you think Bella's trip to Forks will go off without a hitch, just like Renee seems to think?**_

_**The reason I'm updating on Tuesday this week (and will continue to do so for the next eight or so weeks) is that I'll be posting the first installment of my Fandom4Tsunami Absolution outtake. It will be called Grace and will go up on Friday. If you haven't read it already you can find a little sneak peek on the Fictionator's blog (Teaser Monday). **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	16. The Golden Gate City

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

_**The Real Teacher deserves an award for putting up with my many, many mistakes and making these chapters look pretty. Thank you so much, bb!**_

* * *

_**A special thanks is also in order to my dear friend Jadsmama for lending a helping hand on all things Californian. I've never had the honor of visiting that part of the US (yet) so I hope that with her help my ignorance won't be too glaringly obvious. **_

* * *

_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

* * *

**Chapter 14 – The Golden Gate City**

_**Or how I found that no matter how hard you try to run, change will always catch up with you.**_

"Next time you pass my number on to your boss, would you do me a favor and tell me?"

I chuckled at the sound of Edward's voice; all agitated and excited. "Hello to you too, honey!"

"Seriously, Bella," he cried. "I was in the loo when she called me!"

I fell back onto the bed, laughing out loud at the visual this created. "Then don't pick up!"

"I thought it was you!" he defended himself. "I don't mind talking to you when I'm on the crapper but when it's my boss…..it just don't feel right."

_Right_. Apparently my boyfriend liked talking to me while he was doing number two. I didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or a thinly veiled insult so I settled for just changing the topic. "So she called, huh?"

Edward hummed in confirmation. "She said she wanted to meet with me in person."

His announcement made me smile, knowing what that probably meant. "I figured she might when she asked me for your phone number. What did she say?"

"She announced that she was going to ring in the New Year in London with her family and summoned me to a meeting for the first week of January." Edward chuckled and I could hear the rustling of his clothes as he ran his hand through his hair, something I'd noticed him do quite often when he wasn't sure about something. "I took it this wasn't open for negotiations."

"You're probably right about that." I cringed, remembering my boss' reaction when I told her I had to think about her offer to promote me to the writing staff. "I guess this means you'll be spending the holidays at home?"

I waited with baited breath for his answer. Even though we'd come a long way where it came to his personal history, I knew there were still quite a lot of taboo's out there and his family was one of them. Over the weeks I'd managed to form a picture of the people he'd left behind and the way he'd left them but the details in that picture were blurry at best.

What I did find out was that whatever lay in the past, the not so coincidental meeting Edward had with his dad when he was in Florence had paved the way for reconciliation. The ball was now in Edward's court and I was going to do my best to make him play it.

Edward may not have seen it as clear as I did, but he really needed his family.

He needed to make things right.

He was either going to have to take that big leap forward and glue his shattered life back together or be stuck in the past forever.

"Nah." His voice sounded strained as he answered my question.

I sighed, the truth as clear in his voice as if he would have spelled it out in detail. "Why not?"

"It's just….." A deep sigh. "Things are so up in the air between us right now…..I'd almost felt like I was intruding if I showed up now and tried to play happy families when everyone knows it would be a lie."

"Hmm," I nodded, mulling it over in my head.

"Besides," he went on, "I've already promised Renata I'd help her bake Christmas cookies on Christmas Eve. She'd be heartbroken if I didn't show up."

"No, you shouldn't disappointed her." I laughed, relieved to know Edward wouldn't be spending Christmas all alone. "Your plans actually sound way cooler than mine do!"

"You've never experienced Angela in full Christmas-lunch-preparation-mode," he laughed. "If you thought the woman's scary in her own right, you've never seen her when she's armed with a rolling pin."

The visual image of Angela – small, feisty Angela – chasing after Ben and Edward with a rolling pin made me chuckle. "Besides," he went on, "You get to spend Christmas at home with a family who loves you. It can't be that bad, can it?"

"Ah, right," I joked. "I keep forgetting you haven't met my mom!"

"That bad, huh?" Edward chuckled.

"Worse," I snorted. "Every year she gets in her head that she is going to serve us with this elaborate, home cooked Christmas dinner even though everyone – and that includes her – knows she can't even boil an egg to save her life!"

"Okay," Edward mused. "That sounds interesting."

"I haven't even started yet!" I went on. "Basically this means that she spends the whole week leading up to Christmas scouring the countryside for the best of ingredients only to butcher them to death come Christmas day – and I do really mean it when I say she ruins the life out of them."

"How?" Edward asked, audibly amused by my rant.

"Have you ever had a blue turkey with a pickle and apricot stuffing?" I challenged him.

"Blue turkey?" Edward gasped. "No, I can safely say I've never had the delight."

"Believe me, 'delight' is about the last word to describe it." I cringed, thinking back on that pretty epic exhibition of my mom's cooking skills – or lack thereof. "Oh and I forgot to mention the side of burnt turnips to accompany it – which, by the way, my mom made me drive all the way to freaking' Neilton for because she'd heard there was a grocery store out there that sold the best turnips on the Pacific Peninsula."

"How the hell did she manage to turn the turkey blue?" Edward asked, obviously still stuck on that one. "I mean, I could burn turnips and think of horrible things to stuff a turkey with – though I have to give your mum props for coming up with pickles and apricots – but I'd be hard pressed figuring out how to make poultry change color."

"It's not that hard, actually," I muttered. "Apparently she'd run out of kitchen string so she decided to use the rope she always used to tie back the herbs in her herb garden."

"Let me guess?" Edward chuckled. "It's blue?"

"Bingo!" I snorted. "She obviously hadn't realized the dye would make the turkey change color."

"So did you eat it?" Edward wanted to know.

"What do you think?" I cried. "The damn thing looked like something out of a horror story….and it smelled like one too, come to think of it. No, we did what we always do on Christmas day."

"And that is?"

"Order Chinese," I shrugged. "Usually after two in the afternoon mom decides to give up and make her dramatic exit out of the house, blaming my dad and brother for her incapacity to provide them with a four star meal because they sat on their asses all day instead of helping her out, like real men should. While she's gone, me and Emily make our token effort to salvage dinner while dad and Sam break out the alcohol and start looking though takeout menu's. By the time mom gets back from letting off steam, dinner's served and all is well in the Swan household again."

"Wow!" Edward snickered. "I have to say that sounds mighty entertaining."

"I dunno," I chuckled. "Maybe it is but all the same…..I've been very happy to spend my last three Christmases in drama-free New York with Alice and the rest of the holiday orphans eating normal colored turkey and vegetables you can't suck up with a straw."

"Holiday orphans?"

"You know," I explained. "The poor schmucks who spend Christmas away from their families because they either don't have them or don't want them or because they have to work through the holidays."

"Kinda like me, you mean?" He sounded upbeat but I could tell there was an undertone of sadness in his voice, which made my heart squeeze in pain.

"You have Angela, remember?" I reminded him. "That makes you….not an orphan."

He sighed, his breath echoing across the airwaves. "I guess it does."

"Have you spoken to them?"

His silence was prolonged, his voice heavy when he finally spoke. "Not yet."

"Not yet?" I frowned, not quite sure how to interpret his words.

"If I'm going to be in London for two weeks, I figured I might as well drop by and see how they're doing," Edward spoke, the telltale sounds of a cigarette being lit sounding in the background.

"You don't sound all too excited about it." I smirked. In fact, it sounded more like he was doing it out of obligation – because he thought he should – than out of any real desire to meet them. "Aren't you curious?"

"I am," he admitted. "I haven't seen my sister in years and we don't really speak so…I really want to see her….find out what she looks like right now. My dad told me she was taking her A-levels this year and hoping to be admitted to University College Medical School."

He let out a breathy laugh. "Bloody hell…last time I saw her she was still a baby and now she's all grown up and sitting her GCSE's!"

I chuckled. "You sound pretty excited to meet her."

"Yeah." He sounded almost surprised to realize that himself. "I guess I am. I guess it will be….nice to see everyone again."

I knew nice was Edward-speak for 'I'm scared shitless but I'm not going to talk about it now so don't bother asking' so I left it at that.

For now.

This was how we were: I shared a whole lot with him and he shared bits and pieces of his past life with me. It was pointless to pressure him or question him on it because, as much as it sometimes frustrated me that he was still holding back, this was the way it went.

Changing it would only end in heartbreak while sticking to his pace might end in bliss.

Edward had been hurt as bad as I had and, though I felt that he was slowly starting to let me in, his personal history had destroyed his ability to commit and make himself vulnerable even though I knew that there was a big part of him that wanted it.

It was strange, how much we were alike in that respect and I was beginning to wonder whether or not his holding back in the physical department wasn't as much to protect himself as to protect me.

Not that he was ever going to add it to that, though.

No, to the outside world Edward wanted nothing more than to hold fast to this image of the bohemian rebel completely averse from all sorts of materialism or conformities.

He was an island; alone, unattached and free.

All I could hope for was that, given time, that island might at least become a peninsula.

"…..the city so far?" I shot back into the present halfway through his sentence.

"What?" I asked, still slightly fuzzy from my train of thought.

Edward chuckled. "I asked how you were enjoying the city so far. You'd never been to San Francisco before, had you?"

"I hadn't," I grinned, "but that's not saying much, though. Before I took this job you could have counted the places I'd visited – both on and outside of the Continental US on the fingers of one hand and still have some to spare. The city….it's amazing!"

I let out a deep, happy breath, my head craning to see a hint of the buildings lining Union Square from my window. "It's so strange to realize how two cities in the same country can be so similar in makeup and yet so completely different. It's like you're visiting another country."

"I take it you're talking about New York and San Francisco?" Edward asked.

I hummed in confirmation. "We drove by the Golden Gate Bridge today and then Jasper took us on a tour through the city. We even saw that row of houses they used in _Full House_!"

"Full House?"

"Oh my God!" I gasped. "Don't tell you you've never heard of it? _Full House_? Uncle Jesse? The Olson Twins?"

"I've heard of the Olson Twins!" Edward defended himself. "So I take it Full House is some kind of television series?"

"It was _the_ television series when I grew up!" I insisted, my brain catching up with my mouth as I spoke the words. "Which might have been why you don't know it, seeing as you were still a baby when Uncle Jesse worked his magic all over the female population of the continental US."

And just like that I was reminded of it.

The age thing.

The fact that he would have been five when I had my first crush on a fictional character.

The fact that he'd only just reached double digits when I went on my first date.

The fact that he was still in high school when I graduated college and married Mike.

I could practically hear him roll his eyes at me. "It's only six bloody years, Bella. It's not like you're robbing the cradle or anything."

I sighed. "I know."

"Besides….. I happened to come across an article the other day in some crappy, girly magazine that claimed that the whole younger man dating an older woman thing is actually a good thing seeing as we are both in our prime and shit."

"You're calling me an older woman now?" I snapped. "You sure know how to charm a lady, Cullen."

"I'll just go and put my foot in my mouth again," Edward chuckled apologetically. "You're not that old, by the way."

"Thanks." I smiled wryly.

"I just keep digging myself under, am I?" he muttered.

I sighed, shaking my head at him. "Let's just drop it?"

"Yes, please!" he chuckled. "Any big plans for tonight?"

There was a knock on the door just as I was going to answer his question. "We're going out to Fisherman's Wharf to check it out and grab some seafood. In fact, I think Jasper and Alice are just at the door right now."

"I won't keep you, then," Edward sighed. "Have fun, sweetheart. And say hello to them from me."

"I will, thanks," I muttered, wishing there was a way Edward could be here with me; a way that wouldn't have us saying goodbye again too soon for either of our likings. "I'll miss you."

His breath reverberated heavy through the air. "I'll miss you too, sweetheart."

We hung up soon after saying or goodbyes, both of us already having learned that prolonged goodbyes didn't make the parting any easier. In fact, they only made it that much harder to walk away in the end.

"Judging by the look on your face I won't have to ask you what kept you so long." Alice smiled, linking her arm through mine as I finally opened the door; all wrapped up against the chilly California evening and ready to go. "How's Edward?"

I smiled, tugging the two halves of my coat together with one hand as I closed the door behind me with the other. "He's okay, I guess."

I chuckled, earning strange looks from Alice and Jasper as I remembered the reason he'd called me. "A little rattled maybe after his conversation with Jane."

"She called?" Alice was practically buzzing in place and I knew that only a few years ago she would have been jumping up and down like she was on a pogo stick, clapping her hands like a demented little seal.

I guess age had made her a bit more mellow.

Even if it was just a little bit.

I nodded. "She wants to meet up with him in London. Did you know she was travelling?"

Alice frowned, racking her brains while her finger tapped against her lips. "I don't think it's a business trip, not unless she's flying in just to see him. Maybe it's personal, though. Didn't Rose mention she was seeing this investment banker from Europe?"

"You mean Felix?" I bit my lips, trying to remember what Rose had told me about the guy who had successfully managed to capture Jane's attention during one of the many fundraisers Jane, as a well known society figure, was forced to attend. Unlike her stepdad, who seemed to shine at such events, she didn't exactly enjoy them. She usually called them 'vampire meetings' since the whole meaning behind the night was to suck you dry of every last penny you had to spent.

Alice nodded. "Didn't Rose mention he was from England?"

I shrugged. "I honestly can't remember but you may be right. Do you think she's still seeing him?"

"Who knows?" Alice smiled. "I think it's kinda cute, though."

"Cute?" Jasper groaned behind us. "For the love of God, will the two of you please stop gossiping about our boss? I don't want to even think about her love life, let alone entertain thoughts about it being 'cute'."

"Aww, poor Jazzy!' Alice cooed, rising up to her tiptoes to kiss him sweetly on the cheek.

I tried not to feel jealous or sad.

Tried.

"So," Alice continued, skipping back up to me as we exited the lobby and walked out into the cool late afternoon air. "Jane's got her sight set on Edward, huh?"

I smiled. "Seems like it, yeah."

"Do you think she'll bring him to New York?" Alice mused.

"I don't know," I answered. "And honestly? I don't even know if he wants to move here."

"Why not?" Alice turned to frown at me, her small body almost careening into an innocent passerby as we rounded the corner into Mason Street. "He'd be closer to you if he did."

I shrugged, trying to voice one of the things that had been nagging me from the start whenever I thought about my future with Edward. "He's never even hinted at it. It's like…"

"Like what?" Alice insisted, her face already starting to pull into that scowl it often ended up in whenever Edward was discussed between the two of us. _She still wasn't really a member of the Edward fanclub, no matter how happy she tried to be for me. _

"I don't know." I shrugged, trying to keep a lid on the fear that was bubbling up inside of me. "One moment I think that the thought of what is going to happen with us – you know, in the future – hasn't even popped up inside his head and the next he starts making plans and jokes about the stuff we're going t say to each other when we're old and grey. It makes me feel so….so confused."

"About his intentions?" Jasper asked. "Or about the future the two of you have together?"

I let out another deep breath, using the sudden rush of people coming at us to gain some time to clear my head. "Sometimes it almost feels like he doesn't want it," I finally finished, voicing my deepest fear. "At least, not as badly as I do. It's….it's like he only sees this thing as a short term affair and not….."

I had to bite my lip to keep myself from crying as I looked at my cousin. "I mean….what kind of future do we have if we're both stuck at opposite ends of the globe?"

Before I could fall apart there was an arm around my shoulder, the scent of sun and sand and calm enveloping me even before Jasper's steady voice spoke. "If he liked you enough to pursue you the way he did, I'd be willing to bet a good deal of money on the fact that he isn't going to let you slip through his fingers, Bella."

The pressure of his arms tightened as my shoulders slumped, the tension leaving them as I let my mind wander along the path his reason had steered it in. "Give him some time, darlin'," he went on. "We artists…..we like our freedom too much to give it up lightly but when we do….."

He paused and I caught a hint of a gaze shared between him and Alice that was quite obviously not meant for foreign eyes, "…when we do, it is forever."

I sniffed, stepping out of his hold now that I felt a little stronger and calmer again. "I hope you're right."

Our conversation was cut short when we walked into Union Square, the hustle and bustle of the place reminding me a bit of Times Square, back at home, though be it on a completely different scale and with decidedly more palm trees than Times Square had ever seen in its life.

We got onto a cable car on the corner of Powel and Post after wandering around the square for a bit, the car slowly climbing upwards towards California Street as the gripman, the operator of this small typical vehicle, steered it deftly through the small rails embedded into the streets.

"I never realized these things are so damn noisy!" Alice whisper-yelled, her eyes glued to the gripman as he maneuvered us through the crossing which – if the guy sitting across from us was to be believed – was one of the most difficult points in the track and could have had us careening back down the hill if our driver didn't do his job properly. Which, looking into the steep valley behind us, wasn't a pretty idea.

"What did you expect?" I chuckled, letting out a small sigh of relief when we crossed the California Street intersection without tumbling back down the hill. "These trains have been around for ages. I figure that in the day when they were built, people were much too happy to not have to schlep their asses up this hill on foot to complain about the noise."

"True." Alice grinned, her eyes growing as, in the distance, the ocean became visible on the horizon. Her smile turned into a pout again when – just as we were getting close – the cable car turned the corner and the bay disappeared again.

She got what she wanted soon enough, though, the car dropping us off close to the wharf for an evening of fun. We took our time exploring our surroundings, taking in the scenery enclosed by the Golden gate bridge on one side and the Bay Bridge on the other with Alcatraz looming up in front of us and the many shops and restaurants lining the shore to our back.

After a quick but very touching visit to the Fishermen's and Seamen's Memorial Chapel to pay our respects to the many, many residents of the Bay who'd been lost at sea, their names engraved in plaques hanging from the chapel walls, we settled down at Cioppino's, a small, diner-style restaurant just off the boulevard that served some of the best Italian Seafood in the Bay area.

We were just chewing our ways around our last bites of dessert when Jasper scrapped his throat, grabbing our attention. "I'd like to make an announcement," he said, the way Alice looked at him – equal parts proud and in love – leaving me in no doubt that she already knew what he was going to say.

"Okay!" I smiled, nipping from my wine. "You're not getting married, are you? Because as happy as I am that the two of you found each other, it's way too soon to tie the knot."

Alice rolled her eyes as Jasper chuckled. "Nope, we're not getting hitched."

"Yet," Alice added, gazing lovingly at her new beau.

"Whew!" I made a great show of doing a fake brow-wipe, much to Alice's chagrin. "So what is it, then?"

"You know I opened this gallery show in Chicago last month, right?" he started.

I rolled my eyes. "Of course I do! What? Did you really think I'd forget all about that as soon as the hype had died down? What kind of friend would I be if I did that?"

"Very well," Jasper chuckled. "Anyway…..apparently Anna Wintour and her people liked what they saw so much that they offered me the chance to prove myself by doing a small shoot for them in a couple of weeks with the promise of more gigs if they like my work."

I frowned, trying to process his words. "You're going to shoot for Vogue?"

"Yeah." The awe and amazement in his voice told me he could hardly believe it himself.

Alice nodded along with him vehemently. "And don't forget to mention the Marie-Claire shoot you'll be doing in February."

"Gosh, Jasper! That's great!" I was out of my chair and in front of him in a second, giving him a well-earned hug to convey my congratulations. "If there's anyone who deserved this, it's you!"

"Thanks darlin'," he smiled shyly, making two cute dimples appear in his cheeks. "Of course, this will mean that I won't be able to go on trips like these with you for the time being. Jane said it herself: it's time to cut me loose and have me walk around on my own two feet."

"Of course." I tried to swallow the rising sense of panic, focusing instead on my happiness that Jasper had found that big break he had been looking for so long. "You'll be sorely missed, though." I winked at Alice who pouted, obviously thinking about how her photo shoots were going to be severely lacking in Jasper from now on.

"Who knows?" Jasper shrugged. "Maybe you'll like the new bloke even better than you did me. I'm sure I'll be forgotten in a couple of weeks."

"Never!" Alice cried, wrapping her arms around her man as if some evil fashion magazine was going to jump out of the ceiling and snatch him away at any moment.

Jasper just smiled and kissed her sweetly on the nose, whispering something in her ear that made her blush.

I smiled, toying with the last of my dessert as I averted my eyes to give them some privacy. "How about we order another drink to celebrate?"

"Yes!" Alice nodded enthusiastically, already waving for the waiter to come over.

Two hours later I was lying in bed, slightly buzzed and with a stomach so full of amazing food that it felt like it could burst, as I thought back on the day that lay behind me.

I'd loved getting to know this new city. Just like every other city I'd visited along the way, it was truly unique, with its own, laidback, vibe and one-of-a-kind tourist hotspots, but what had made my day so truly amazing was the fact that I had spent it with two of my best friends.

Watching Alice and Jasper as they moved around each other with a comfort and naturalness as if they'd been together for ages and a love so strong and obvious that it made my heart clench with both jealousy and longing…it was equal parts heartwarming and heartbreaking.

Heartwarming because there were no two people in the world who deserved to be in love with each other more than those two.

Heartbreaking because it brought into light just how lonely I was without Edward by my side.

I sighed, turning away from the window as I thought back on the discussion I'd had with Alice and Jasper. Had he been right? Was I over thinking this whole living-on-opposite-ends-of-the-globe thing?

I wish I could be so sure about that.

I wish there was some way I could know – be absolutely sure – that we could make this work in the end.

But the thing was…in love, just like in life, there were no guarantees.

I was at a crossroads in life, with two paths leading forward – one to happiness, one to heartbreak – and one back to the safety of the world I knew and loved. The choice I had to make was whether or not I was willing to risk my heart and blindly take one of the roads in front of me in the hope that it would lead to happiness or head back and live a safe, organized yet loveless life.

But then again, I realized, as I slowly succumbed to sleep, hadn't I made that decision already?

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_**Poor Bella. Still as confused as ever.**_

_**Did you have a crush on Uncle Jesse? I did. I was about eight when I first became addicted to Full House and my best friend and I used to fight over who had the biggest crush on Uncle Jesse and was thereby allowed to marry him. Yeah…..I know. **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	17. The City of Angels

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**The Real Teacher deserves an award for putting up with my many, many mistakes and making these chapters look pretty. Thank you so much, bb!**_

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_**Again, much thanks to my dear friend Jadsmama for lending a helping hand on all things Californian. Her suggestions and a lot of hours spent listening to the Thrills really helped me out with this one. If you want to know what was in my ears when I wrote this chapter, head over to the blog. You'll find a link to 'Big Sur' by The Thrills under 'inspiration'. **_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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**Chapter 14 – The City of Angels**

_**Or how I found that sometimes appearances can be deceiving.**_

The next day started bright and early, my worries about Edward and life in general pushed onto the back burner as I went through the motions of getting dressed and getting packed before heading downstairs for breakfast.

Jasper joined me after a couple of minutes, still half asleep as he made his way around the breakfast buffet.

"Did Alice make her flight okay?" I asked as he slid into his seat.

"Yeah," he sighed, dejectedly stirring four cubes of sugar – four! I mean, I'd heard the guy had a sweet tooth but this was pushing the envelope – through his black coffee. "She just texted me to say she'd landed."

Alice had a big meeting in LA that day, some major art director's convention something, which meant that for the next three days it would just be Jasper and me, making our way south along the coastal highway before we joined her again in Los Angeles on Thursday.

"Does it get easier?" I asked. "You know? Saying goodbye all the time?"

Jasper shrugged, his eyes rolling back in a state of bliss as he took a sip from his coffee. "I guess. You get used to it when you have to do it all the time."

I frowned, ruminating on what he said as I buttered another piece of toast.

"It still sucks, though," he growled, stealing a piece of toast from my plate. "I get that both Ali and I have jobs that force us to travel all the time but that doesn't make it easier not having her around sometimes, when I need her."

I nodded. "I know."

"But I guess it has its perks too," Jasper shrugged, munching on his breakfast. "You know? When you get all on up in each other's hair? Sometimes it can be healthy to put some distance between the two of you and gain some perspective."

"So absence really does make the heart grow finder?" I smiled.

"Yeah," he sighed, brushing a few strands of hair out of his face. "Or that's the kind of shit I keep telling myself whenever I miss her."

I guess that made two of us.

**oOo**

"I used to do this all the time, back when I still lived in Forks," I mused, staring out across the ocean as the sun slowly started to touch the water on the end of the horizon, casting the world in a deep orange glow.

We'd spent the early parts of the day exploring Alcatraz, the awe-inspiring prison sitting on an island in the Bay, before heading south along the 101 before turning onto the Cabrillo Highway around Prunedale.

We'd stopped at Pebble Beach, visiting the world famous Golf Course, before heading on to Carmel; our first stop on our road trip from San Francisco to Los Angeles, which was where we were now. Or to be more precise: sitting on the hood of your rental in a parking lot along a quiet lane on Carmel Beach, watching the sunset after a long day of sightseeing.

"You did?" Jasper leaned back against the window his eyes half closed as the radio hummed quietly in the background.

I nodded. "When I was just a kid, my brother used to drive me out to La Push to see the sunset. Later on, when I was older, I used to go there with Mike – my ex."

I chuckled, my eyes following a flock of seagulls as they dipped into the water before flying back up. "I have to admit, though, that back then we didn't really pay attention to the actual sunset."

"I can imagine!" Jasper snorted.

"I've missed it,' I mused, breathing in the fresh, salty ocean air.

"What? Your husband?"

I let out a deep snort. "Absolutely not! Divorcing that miserable skunk of a man has been the best thing I've ever done with my life!" I wasn't until I'd spoken the words that I realized I could now say them without even the smallest undertone of pain. _I was finally moving on_. _For real, this time._ "It was the sea I was referring to."

"Ah!" Jasper nodded, looking back out the windshield of our rental car. "I can imagine that a whole lot easier!"

"Do you ever miss the openness of Texas?' I asked, getting a little curious.

He nodded, closing his eyes again as he folded his hands around the back of his head. "When I first came to New York, I felt so claustrophobic…"

He shook his head. "I just couldn't see myself living there for longer than two weeks, really. That was…until Jane found me."

"And the rest is history," I chuckled.

He smiled back at me, though he kept his eyes closed. "Yeah. Pretty much."

"I missed the green at first," I admitted. "When you grow up in a place like Forks you start to hate it after a while; the ferns, the trees, the rain –especially the rain."

I chuckled. "But what do you know? After two weeks in New York I found myself really craving the silence and sense of security I'd left behind on the Pacific Peninsula."

"It was the same for me," Jasper nodded. "Though I accept that, with my line of work, I'll probably be stuck in the city forever."

I smiled, patting him in the shoulder in sympathy. "It has it perks, though."

"Yeah," Jasper sighed, squirming into a more comfortable position. "Though I could totally get used to this." He waved his arm in front of him to the vastness of the ocean and the seagulls flying over it.

"We'd probably better not tell Alice about this," I joked as we both basked in the receding sunlight.

Jasper's face inclined towards me, his eyes half opened as he spoke. "Why not?"

I chuckled. "So you want to explain to your girlfriend-of-almost-a-month how you went 'parking' with her best friend?"

"I get your point." Jasper smiled, playfully nudging my in the ribs. "So I take it you won't tell 'boy wonder' about this either?"

I frowned at him. "Boy wonder?"

"I did some looking into him after you showed me those pictures he took in Italy." Jasper shrugged, though I could tell there was a slight hint of professional jealousy lurking underneath the surface. "He's good."

"So this isn't just you being jealous because Jane seems to have a new pet project to lavish her attention on?"

"Maybe a little bit," Jasper grudgingly admitted, "but most of all it's me looking out for my girl's best friend who happens to be kind of a friend of mine as well. I don't want her to fall into the trap of some scumbag who breaks her heart."

I smiled. "Thanks, Jasper. You're a great friend and the best boyfriend Alice could ever wish for herself."

"Meh," Jasper shrugged. "I'm just happy if, at the end of the day, she doesn't hate my guts or wants to kill me."

"Kill you?" I snorted. "Don't be an idiot, Jazz! She's crazy about you. I think killing you is the last thing she'd want to do to you right now."

He chuckled, the love he felt for my cousin obvious in his eyes, his smile and pretty much everything else. "That's good to know." I smiled, my eyes catching the last shimmer of light before the sun finally plunged under the surface of the ocean, covering the world in the dark veil of night.

"Let's get back," he spoke after a while, not waiting for my reply before slinging his long legs over the hood and dropping down onto the gravel. "It's getting kinda cold and I don't want to be freezing my butt off. If I catch a cold and ruin Alice's perfect Christmas, there's going to be hell to pay."

"You do know you're spending Christmas with the Brandon family, don't you?" I snorted.

"She did mention something like that," Jasper wisecracked. "Why?"

"Her family's as crazy as mine, which may have something to do with the fact that our mother's are sisters," I explained. "Which means you're going to be eating dishes you've never heard of – and probably never want to hear of again, let alone eat – smothered in enough alcohol to fill a pool and probably ending – as it always does – in someone, most likely my Uncle Vernon, setting fire to the Christmas tree because it 'seems like a fun thing to do after dinner' or running around the house butt naked because apparently clothes are an instrument of the devil to make us feel ashamed of our true nature."

Jasper just shrugged, one handedly steering the car back to our hotel and not obviously affected by what I'd just told him. "Sounds like the kinda Christmas I would enjoy."

And that, right there, was why Alice and Jasper were meant to be together.

**oOo**

"Wow!" I gasped, looking up at the white façade blinking back at us in the late December sunlight.

"Yeah," Jasper breathed. "You can say that again!"

"It's so…"

"Big?" he offered.

I looked back at the front elevation of the _Casa Grande_, the main building of the out-of-this-world splendor of _Hearst Castle_. "Yeah. Big would be a good word to describe it."

"Let's find out if it looks just as over the top on the inside as it does on the outside," Jasper suggested, tugging me in the direction of the entrance.

It was.

Overwhelming would have been the best way to describe everything we took in on our tour of the castle and grounds. From the start of our tour I knew that this place was going to blow everything out of the water.

I mean, the Hearst's weren't exactly drawing social security but as soon as I sat in the movie theater, watching the film that would introduce us to the place we were about to see, I realized that even the image I had in my head was severely understated when compared to the real thing.

And we'd even yet to start at the _Casa del Sol_, the eighteen room guesthouse overlooking the Pacific Coastline.

Who the hell would ever need an eighteen room guest house when you had a big ass castle that could very well put up a whole football team and their supporting staff and families and still have room to spare?

Well maybe the Duggar family, but whom else?

It was crazy.

And what was even crazier was, that it wasn't even the only guest house on the compound.

Yes, there were more.

"This is crazy," Jasper muttered, his fingers never leaving the shutter of his camera as we walked around the Neptune Pool, a huge outdoor swimming pool flanked on all sides by mock Grecian and Romanesque buildings and statues.

"Crazy, yes, but so beautiful." I nodded, my eyes wide as my eyes followed the edge of the pool to take in the magnificent views surrounding it. Our footsteps echoed along the elaborate inlaid marble flooring as we walked around it. I could see that in the summer, with the sun out in full force, this place would have been even more awe-inspiring with the hot rays bouncing off the white marble. Even now, in mid-December, with Christmas only a week away, it looked more out of this world than anything I'd seen in my life.

I mean, I'd seen the real thing – real Roman ruins – in Rome, but that had been different. Those ruins had taken up their place in the landscape; blended in as they slowly crumbled to dust. This – or at least something like it – was what they must have looked like back in the day when Caesar walked the streets of Rome.

Only I wasn't in Rome.

Walking into the _Casa Grande_, the main castle, we were transported into a whole different era, the severity of Roman aesthetic making place for Medieval splendor of warm wood, rich tapestries and more red velvet than I'd ever seen in my entire life as we made our way through one grand room after the next.

"Could you see yourself living here?" I asked, still completely star struck by the over-the-top-grandeur that surrounded us.

"No way!" Jasper snorted. "I'd go crazy within the week."

"Hmmm." I nodded, running my hands along the polished wood of one of the side tables. "It must be nice, though, having everything you want whenever you want it."

"Nice?" Jasper questioned. "I'd think it would be stifling as hell?"

"Stifling?" I looked around, the sheer opulence of my surroundings making me feel many things but stifled? No, that wasn't one of them.

"Sure, it sounds nice enough," he explained himself, "but when you think about it, would you really want to live a life where there's nothing left to wish for because you can have everything you want? Besides, would you really want to have dinner in a room where you'd have to use a fucking megaphone if you wanted to say something to someone sitting on the other end of the table?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "I guess not."

"That's what I thought!" Jasper grinned.

"So…" I let my voice drawl off as we both stood in front of a huge Gobelin tapestries that took up most of the side of the dining room, the intricate figures woven into it depicting a medieval banquet. "I guess this is the last trip we'll be going on together."

Jasper sighed, his hand touching mine. "Let's make it a good one, huh."

I nodded. "I'm so happy for you, though I have to admit that these trips aren't going to be the same without you."

"You'll do fine, Bella," Jasper assured me, with whomever they send in as my replacement."

I smiled. He knew me so well. "Do you know who Jane is going to pick?" I couldn't help but hope that maybe Edward….

"I'm not sure," Jasper hedged, "but I think Jane mentioned something about giving Jared Long the job."

"Jared Long?" I failed at keeping my disappointment out of my voice as I wracked my brain, trying to find out if I'd heard of the name before but all I came up with was a complete blank.

"He's the new guy Jane commissioned to do that series about 'Homeowners in the United States'." He waited for me to nod before he went on. "He's a great guy, got some real talent too, but I think Jane is still waiting to see how he's going to do on a more fixed brief."

I mulled on his information, trying to keep the panic of having to get used to a new photographer at bay. "So you think he's good?"

"He really is, Bella." Jasper nodded. "You'll be in good hands with him."

I sighed. I guess I just had to trust Jasper's judgment in all of this. If he thought this Jared guy was up to scratch, then I'd just have to take his word on it. It was just that I didn't feel it.

Sure, the pictures this Jared Long had taken for his series on American Homeowners – a series depicting various people from all over the country standing proudly in front of their house, whether it was a huge mansion in the Hamptons, a cardboard box tucked away under a bridge in Detroit – was beautiful and very gripping but I remembered that somehow the pictures had left me slightly uncomfortable.

There was a kind of detachment in his pictures that didn't really make me feel whatever emotions he was trying to evoke. It just felt bland….stilled…cold.

Which was just about the last thing I wanted my pictures to look like.

"Really, Bella." Jasper smiled as he patted my hand. "It's going to be fine once you'll get used to him. Just keep an open mind, okay?"

I let out a deep breath, knowing I had no other choice but to do just that. "I'll try."

"That's my girl!" Jasper chuckled, ruffling my hair.

I rolled my eyes at him, taking a few steps further into the room to be out of reach of his grabby big hands.

I was really happy for him.

This break….I knew it had to be something he could have only dreamed of when he started out in this profession. It could take him so many amazing places and bring his name to the ear of people who had never heard of him before.

It was just that his big break had caused my little world to shift into an unknown direction.

And I'd be lying if it didn't scare me to death.

I didn't want to let it ruin my trip, though, especially not if this was going to be the last trip I got to go on with Jasper by my side.

I'd always been one to panic at the thought of change, a character trait I must have inherited from my father's side of the family. The Swans had been around in Forks – and protected the town as its police chiefs – ever since the place had come into existence; their reputation for steadfastness and reliability making them a fixed mark in the town.

For me, however, it mostly meant that the only thing I'd ever expected out of life was to grow roots somewhere and live my own little happily ever after with a husband, a couple of kids and a job I loved.

And for a period as long as six years – I'd thought I had that.

Until Mike and his cheating ass had thrown it out of the water. I'd been adrift ever since, clinging to every bit of stability I could find – my job, my house, my friends – but it hadn't been until Jane crashed into my comfort zone and offered me this job that I'd really started re-evaluating my take on life.

Was security really that important when it meant you were missing out?

I wasn't sure anymore.

All I knew was that the moment I'd stepped out of my comfort zone, many good things had started to happen. Not just to me but also to the people around me.

Still, it was a hard thing, breaking the habits that had taken years to build and I knew that when the time came, I would be hyperventilating my way through my first meeting with Jared Whatshisface.

But not then.

The next day we moved further along the 101, visiting Santa Barbara and staying at a cute little inn on the coast before we finally reached our destination.

"I can't believe you've never been here!" Jasper chuckled, shaking his head as he deftly steered our rental car through downtown traffic as we tried to make our way back to the coast, to a place where some of his friends had some kind of artist colony or something.

I shrugged. "We never really traveled when I was young and when we did….let's just say California isn't really my dad's scene."

"California isn't all about the blond, skinny beach bunnies with the fake smiles, you know," Jasper argued.

"I know," I nodded. "And even if I didn't, the last couple of days really opened my eyes. It's so beautiful out here."

"Hmm," he hummed in affirmation, "and take for instance Venice, where Steffan and Maggie live. It's got a real artsy vibe to it that just shows there's more to this place than just Hollywood. It's just a normal town with normal people living in it, though with a few extraordinary neighborhoods."

"Nicely put." I smiled, looking back out the window again.

"Hey, there may even be a couple of people who've been around the Berlin scene," Jasper went on.

"You mean….." I frowned, the likelihood of bumping into someone who knew my very European boyfriend at a Californian house party seeming very small to me.

"It could be," Jasper shrugged. "The Bohemian scene really isn't that big. The travelers – like, from what you've told me Edward is – who hop from one scene to another every couple of years, are usually pretty well known."

Any questions I might have had were forgotten when we reached our destination, the unique artsiness of the huge, house backing up against the shoreline claiming my attention and stirring my excitement (which was already pretty high at the prospect of maybe meeting some of Edward's old friends) up to new levels.

I couldn't believe I was really in Los Angeles, traveling along the Santa Monica Freeway on my way to an art party in Venice. If I was going to tell my dad about that, the vein in his forehead would definitely pop. That or he'd submit me to a standard drug test (which wouldn't have been the first time).

My mom, however, would squeal with delight and start asking for details.

We'd arrived in town earlier that day and, just like we'd done in San Francisco, drove around town, stopping only now and then to take in a few sights or grab some food. The party we were headed to now was held by some of Jasper's former classmates in art school who'd moved out to Los Angeles after graduation in the hopes of making it there.

But his friends weren't why Jasper was impatiently tapping his fingers against the wheel as he sped to our destination.

Alice was going to be there.

She'd called on ahead to tell him she'd meet us at the party as soon as she was done with her meetings for the day, giving us the chance to explore the city at our own pace and saving the big reconciliation for later.

Jasper's eyes zoned in on her as soon as we entered the house, Alice's small frame standing out against the huge floor-to-ceiling windows that separated the living room from the ocean-facing deck.

"Go to her," I chuckled as Jasper impatiently hoped from one foot to the other while I greeted our hosts. "You know you want to."

"I owe you one," he smiled, pressing a light kiss to my cheek before he was off.

"I doubt you'll be seeing him again tonight," Maggie, the hostess of the party, chuckled, "that man is so besotted it's almost comical."

I smiled, looking as Jasper's footsteps halted right in front of her, a small gap still between him and Alice as they stared into each other's eyes. "I think it's amazing."

"Oh, so do I!" Maggie chuckled, taking my arm. "It's so nice to see that boy in love. And about damn time too!"

She laughed, shaking her head as Jasper and Alice continued their little dance around each other. I'll give you the grand tour, what with Jasper all caught up and all."

It soon turned out that Jasper hadn't been exaggerating when he told me that Maggie and Seffan's house had turned into an artist colony. As Maggie showed me around she explained to me that when they'd come into an inheritance, the only proper way they'd seen to spend their money was to distribute it along to their friends by buying a big house on the coast and offering their free space to whoever wanted to use it.

Over the years, the house had seen a lot of artists pass by – some on their way to greatness, others on their way to ruin – and all of them had left their mark on the house, turning it into some kind of dynamic and constantly changing museum.

"We've actually set out an itinerary for tonight," Maggie explained. "You start over there, at the bar and move your way down to the deck and down to the beach. Just make sure you steer clear of Marcus and his palm reading ways, though, or you'll be stuck with the old doodlebugger for the rest of the night."

"Noted!" I chuckled, making a mental note to avoid the man she'd pointed out.

I followed her lead and started out at the bar, taking in the paintings that hung on every flat surface and the sculptures that covered just about everything else while I made my way out to the deck, stopping only when a crowd of people standing out in the chilly, late afternoon sunset made it impossible for me to move along.

"He's one of the best photographer's I've even seen," the girl in the middle of the crowd cried, her face obscured by the bodies of the people standing around her. "It's crazy that he's slumming it in Rome when he should be out here, holding his own against the likes of Corbijn and Leibovitz!"

A few people chuckled, obviously unimpressed by the girl's exaggerated praise, but my interest had been piqued by the mention of Rome.

_Could it be…_

I moved closer, pushing my way through the crowd to find the girl Maggie had introduced as Chelsea gesticulating wildly, her cheeks shining with the attention lavished on her while she spoke, her words only registering again when I'd pushed my way through the throng of arms, legs and other body parts. "…..so then Edward just walked up to him and told him what a pompous ass he was. You should have seen the guy's face! It was priceless!"

_Edward….Rome…it had to be. _

People laughed, obviously entertained by the story I'd only heard the end of as they dispersed again, some continuing their exploration of the paintings while others just joined in another conversation.

"You were talking about Edward Cullen?" I asked as soon as the girl was alone.

Her eyes zoned into me, quickly doing a survey of my body before a small smile told me I had been measured and found inferior. _Whatever_. "I was," she answered shortly.

"You know him?" I somehow suppressed the urge to roll my eyes, knowing it wouldn't lead me anywhere.

She shrugged. "We lived in the same house for over a year."

This time it was me who did the stare-down, my eyes trying to place her into the time-frame I'd made of Edward's life. London, I concluded in the end. Based on her whole appearance and generally unappealing character she must have been one of those 'friends' Edward had spoken about from back in the day when he was still with Victoria.

"So how do you know Edward?" she wanted to know. "You don't seem like the type who…."

I had a feeling I didn't really want to know what was going to come next, so I was quick to interrupt her. "I'm his girlfriend."

It felt strange, referring to myself as Edward's girlfriend to people who I didn't really know. Strange in a good way, though.

A very good way,

"Really?" I looked up to see Chelsea looking at me like the whole notion of Edward having a girlfriend was too strange to take seriously.

I chuckled. "Yes, really. Do you seriously think I'd be lying about it to someone who knows him?"

"I know more than a few girls who would." She shrugged. "No offense, though. I just didn't take Edward to be the kind of guy who _had_ girlfriends. Last thing I knew he never even stayed with a girl long enough to catch her last name."

The last words came out almost apologetically and she smiled, taking a big gulp from her bottle. "It was a long time ago, though. He might have changed a bit since we last saw each other."

"I hope so," I muttered, I was beginning to get more and more uncomfortable around her.

"I have to admit, though," Chelsea spoke, smiling as she stared off into the distance, "he was great fun to be around, even if it didn't last longer than one night. Then again, you probably already know all about that!" She winked, taking another sip from her beer.

I hummed noncommittally, trying to drown out the panic and pain by holding on to the railing as if it was my last lifeline as I stared off into space, not trusting myself to not break out in tears or anger if I looked at the girl standing next to me.

The girl who had slept with Edward.

The girl who knew him more intimately than I – his supposed girlfriend – did.

"It's strange," she mused, turning her back on the ocean as she leaned against the railing.

I gnashed my teeth in an effort to look normal as I caught her staring at me from out of the corner of my eye. "What is?"

"You don't seem to be the kind of type who is into that whole wild-boy kind of thing and believe me when I say that boy can be wild at times." She chuckled, her hands playing with the label on her bottle as she reminisced. "I remember a night when he was so jacked up on coke that he tried to get this Canadian girl to suck his dick by covering it in maple syrup and chase her down the house shouting something about how the taste of home he'd prepared for her would make her feel a whole lot less homesick."

Her cackle made her hairs on my arms stand up in revolt as she grabbed hold of me to keep herself from toppling over at the memory of such vileness. "I'll never forget the sight of him, his eyes all bloodshot and that damn syrup dripping from his dick! Peter was so pissed off when he got home the next morning to find the stuff all over the place!"

"It was definitely worth it though," she mused, as I tried very hard to get my feet to work so that I could kick her or at least run away before this got any worse. "What a night!"

Her words were obviously meant to shock me and they succeeded wholly in their purpose. I could already feel the blood draining from my face as I took in her words, my hands gripping the wooden railing even closer than they already had as I tried to wrap my mind around all of the new information Chelsea had so obligingly provided me with.

Edward did drugs – and judging by her words it wasn't a one-time thing.

Edward publically poured breakfast condiments all over an appendage he didn't even want me to peek at, let alone get my hands on.

Edward had sex with random girls, one of them standing right in front of me.

"You seem like a nice kind of girl," Chelsea merrily went on. "The kind of girl who never strays off the beaten track, values her steady job and her steady income and hopes to make her daddy proud with every step in life she takes."

The disdain was dripping from her voice with every word but in my state of shock I was too far out of it to think of a witty comeback; something to shut her up. But instead I just stood there, frozen like a deer caught in the headlights of a speeding monster truck as she went on, smiling like the Cheshire cat as she went in for the kill. "Edward's not the kind of guy you take home to meet the family – hell, he wouldn't even want you to even if you tried! He's the kind of guy you fuck and walk away from; the kind of guy a girl like you wouldn't sear her pretty little angel wings with."

"You're wrong," I answered, though there was little conviction in my voice. "Edward's a good man; one I wouldn't be ashamed to introduce to my parents or to anyone else, for that matter. This just proves to me how little you know him."

I didn't give her the chance to retort, walking away from her as soon as I was done, my last words echoing in the silence I left behind.

The thing was…..I wasn't really sure if I believed them anymore.

Everything Chelsea had told me about him had been right; the timing the details….her description of him. I'd always known he was editing the truth when he spoke to me about his past and what he called his 'years of rebellion'. I knew he was holding back. I'd just never thought….

I used to think I knew Edward – or at least was on my way to getting to know him.

Right then, though, I wasn't so sure of that anymore.

And with that, I also wasn't so sure of _us_ anymore.

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_**Whoops! Seems like Bella got quite the shock there! **_

_**So I've got some good and some bad news. The good news is that I spoke with my beta the other day and she feels up to resuming her duties again, which means that I can go back to posting full chapters every week again starting next chapter. The bad (or less good) news is that you'll have to wait for two weeks for that to happen since I'll be in Barcelona next week. * sighs* It's such a tough job doing research for this fic sometimes…**_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	18. The Eternal City pt5

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**The Real Teacher deserves an award for putting up with my many, many mistakes and making these chapters look pretty. Thank you so much, bb!**_

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_**I'm baaaack! Barcelona was amazing and very inspirational. I can't wait to use some of the stuff I've seen there in this story. Now, since I didn't update last week, I figured none of you would mind if I posted this one a day early, no?**_

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**Chapter 15 – The Eternal City**

_**Or how I found out that dealing with women on a daily basis can really do a bloke's head in.**_

"Ewardo! Ewardo! Look!" Renata ran at me, her eyes wide with wonder as she held up her hand, a small piece of stone lying inside her tiny palm.

I scrunched my eyes, trying to see what it was about this particular stone that had the little girl in an uproar. "What is it?"

She rolled her eyes, giving me the 'duh, you're so stupid' look both she and her mother were famous for. "It's a stone, silly!"

"It's a rock, actually," I lectured her.

"Fine!" she huffed, "but it's pretty."

"Where did you find it?" I asked, hoping it would unravel the mystery because really, from the way she'd come running at me, you'd have thought she'd found the bloody Koh-I-Noor diamond. Not just a mossy piece of rock which, by the looks of it, even had some piece of half-fossilized dove shit sticking to the side of it.

"Over there!" Renata cried, her eyes still wide as saucers as she pointed at the huge wall to the side of the excavations which, true enough, seemed to be covered in the same cloak of moss and bird droppings as the stone she held in her hand. "Do you think _Adriano_ touched it?"

I chuckled, taking her little hand as I scrunched down next to her. She'd been obsessed with ancient Rome and its emperors ever since her mum took her to the _Forum Romanum_ a couple of years ago, though her view of her ancient ancestors may have been more romantic than factual.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, sweetie, but I don't think he did. I think that, back in the day when old Hadrian was walking around here, kicking it up with his chums and having lots of fun, the walls were covered in marble and other fancy stuff. I think he would have found normal stone, like this piece you found here, rather dull."

Renata stepped away from me again, her eyes squinting as she looked around the place before turning back to me with a fierce look on her face. "I don't think so."

"I'm pretty sure I'm right on this one, _Tesoro_," I chuckled. "In fact, I'm pretty sure that Cardinal d'Este used quite a bit of the marble that used to cover this place to build his villa in Tivoli, you know? The one down the road from the _casetta_?"

It had been the same here as it had been all over Rome; later generations using the ruins that had once been occupied by their predecessors as quarries to realize their own grand building schemes.

It was a bloody shame, because it meant that right now you really had to let your imagination run on all cylinders to come up with a picture of what it must have been like back in the day, but I would be lying if it hadn't also yielded some pretty nifty pieces of Medieval and Renaissance architecture, like the Villa d'Este, the magnificent little summer house cardinal d'Este had built in the hills above Rome and which had been his retreat, much like the smaller and infinitely more humble little cottage – or _casetta_ – down the road was for Ben and Angela and their little _bambini._.

"Maybe the great _Adriano_ liked his walls like that," Renata kept on challenging me, her small hands on her hips as she stared me down. "I do."

I smiled, hoping the soft approach might score me some points. "I like them too, honey, but people back in the day had different tastes and mossy walls weren't quite fancy enough for a Roman emperor."

"Well I still think he touched it," Renata pouted, pocketing the stone. "What do you think, Benni?"

Benito crowed with joy from the safety of his stroller, his eyes lighting up at the prospect of being included in a real 'grownup' conversation as he belted out a very profound "Si!" that had his sister jump for joy next to me.

"See!" Renata smiled smugly as she wrapped her arms around her baby brother and planted one hell of a smacker on his chubby cheeks. "Benni agrees with me."

"Sweetheart, your brother only knows three words: '_si'_, '_no'_ and '_mama'_." Angela had been particularly chummy about that last one, though to me all it proved was that little Benito was growing up to be a typical Italian mama's boy.

Ben was less amused.

Renata pulled up her shoulders, giving me that look again. "He could have said no but he didn't. I'm pretty sure that means he agrees with me."

And just like that, I, Edward Cullen aged twenty-five, was out-smarted by a bloody five year old.

I had to admit it, though: part of me loved it.

Earlier that morning, Angela had begged me to get the kids out of the house for a bit so that she could do the prep-work for Christmas dinner and make a list of all the things she still had to get without two kids running rampant all around her.

I'd been only too happy to oblige, seeing as it had been quite some time since I got to spend time with Renata and her little brother. I'd been Ben and Angela's regular babysitter for as long as I could remember but lately, with Angela cooped up at home with her broken leg and Ben working mostly from the Roman office instead of being 'on the road', there hadn't been much babysitting for me to do.

I'd missed those little buggers.

Sure, they could be annoying as shit and most of the time I was all too happy to be able to dump them back with their mum and dad at the end of the day, but those two had really captured a piece of my heart, Renata especially.

I smiled, watching the little girl run across around the Maritime Theater with a few of the other kids who were visiting, her giggles filling the air and her cheeks flushed with excitement.

Just like she always did, she had everyone wrapped around her little finger from the get go. Kids, adults, animals…..There was no defense against the little force of nature that was Renata Cheney.

If I were Ben I was going to take up shooting as a hobby before that girl reached adolescence.

"Ra!" Ben cooed, waving his hand at his big sister as she ran by, his chubby little body squirming in the stroller as he tried to get out.

"Easy there, little fellow," I chuckled, watching his face pull into a frustrated little pout when Renata disappeared around the bend again. "You're a bit too young to go running after girls like that."

I knew the little guy probably didn't understand a word of what I was saying since he hardly knew a few words of Italian, let alone English, but I hope he'd still get the gist of it and stay put.

And hopefully wouldn't cry.

Through being a babysitter for the better part of two years I'd found out I really hated it when that happened.

That and come face to face with a dirty nappy. As cute as little kids may have been, there was nothing quite as disgusting as baby poop.

Thankfully for me, little Ben seemed content to get back to playing with the stuff that was hanging from the canopy of his stroller again, his hands folding around the varyingly shaped objects as his eyes scrunched up in utter concentration.

I made the most of the peace and quiet by grabbing my camera and snapping a few shots of Renata running around for Ben and Angela's family album and a few of Hadrian's villa as well, just in case someone might be interested. I didn't have a big shot at ever being able to flog them but this opportunity to add to my portfolio of commercial, touristy pictures was too great to pass up on.

"Are you ready?" I asked, chuckling as Renata leaned on Benni's stroller, trying to catch her breath. "I think it's about time Benito takes his nap and I think your mum is about done getting her groceries as well."

"Okay!" she replied eagerly, grinning back at me as I started pushing her little brother, who was nodding off s we spoke, towards the exit again.

Yeah, spending a few hours traipsing around some piece of antiquity wasn't exactly a punishment.

At all.

And I guess knowing it was going to have me end up enjoying a flawless Christmas dinner didn't exactly hurt either.

I somehow managed to get both kids back into the car – and their car seats, which was the real challenge since those things seemed to come with way to many clasps than needed – both Benito and his big sister getting quieter by the seconds as I drove Angela's Volvo back to Tivoli. By the time we made it back to the beautiful small house sitting on the outskirts of the city, they were both fast asleep, making it a mighty tough job getting them out of the car.

"Come on, poppet," I groaned, trying to coax a half-sleeping Renata out of the car while attempting to free little Benni from his seat without waking him up. "You don't want to sleep in the car now, do you precious? It will make you look all rumpled and nasty."

"_Ho sonno, Edward." _Renata whined, slapping my hand away. _"Io non voglio alzarmi!"_

I couldn't help but feel sorry for the little lass. If it had been me out there, knocked out after a busy morning of running and looking and playing, I wouldn't have wanted to get up either. But I couldn't very well leave her sleeping in the car.

"I know you're tired sweetie," I begged as Benito started to squirm in my arms. "It's why I want to get you to bed so you can sleep and….."

"_Lasci mi!"_ Renata growled, trying once again to sabotage my attempts at helping her out of the car.

"Renata Cheney!" Even I jumped a little as Angela's voice thundered behind us, the gravel of the drive scrunching as she marched up to the car. "You will get out of this car right now and you will apologize to Edward before you go up to your room to take a nap."

"_Mamma_….." Renata whined.

"_Basta_!" Angela snapped. "You will do as I say or I shall come to help you."

I think everyone within a hearing range of Angela's words knew that 'helping' would be a sever understatement of what the woman would do if the fruit of her womb didn't obey her order any time soon and in a way that would satisfy her mum.

I wasn't quite sure whether it was the tone of her mum's voice or the threat of having Angela come and get her but Renata was out of the car in a jiff, glaring at both Angela and me as she rubbed her eyes.

Angela wasn't the least bit impressed, though, or if she was, she didn't show it. "_Bene_. Now apologize," she insisted, leveling her daughter's glare.

The miniature version of the standoff at the OK Corral was starting to make me a little nervous. I mean….sure Renata could be a handful when she was tired and cranky but I didn't want her to get in trouble with her mum just because she'd given me a bit of grief over getting out of the car. "Really, I don't think…"

"Don't." Angela cut me off before I could say anything more, holding out her hand to silence me as she kept her eyes on her daughter. "Renata?"

Renata rolled her eyes, finally giving up her resistance. "_Allora_," she huffed, narrowing her eyes at her mum before turning to me with an apologetic look on her face. "I'm sorry, Edward, for not acting very nice just now."

I smiled, not wanting her to think I was angry or anything. "It's okay, love." I ruffled her hair. "You didn't mean to be rude, did you?"

She shook her head, her pouty expression making her look even more adorable than she normally did. "Are you sure you're not mad?"

I chuckled, planting a kiss on the top of her head. "I'm sure, _Tesoro_. Now, how about you go up to take that nap and when you wake up again we'll do something fun?"

Hey eyes shone with happiness as she wrapped her arms around me. "_Ti amo_, Ewardo!"

Angela rolled her eyes and huffed something under her breath as she walked off again, hoisting a still sleeping Benito onto her left side so that her right was free to wield the crutch that was supporting her weight where her broken leg could not.

I merely grinned, watching her go as I offered Renata my hand, the remainder of the shopping bags in the other. "I love you too, sweetheart, even though you're a mighty handful sometimes!"

"A hand full?" Renata frowned, looking at her own small hands.

"It's an expression," I explained. "It's meant to say that sometimes you can be a bit….difficult?"

"Ah!" she nodded, pulling on my arm to get me to drop down so that she could plant a big old sloppy smacker on my cheek before she headed up the stairs for her nap.

I chuckled as I watched her go. Handful thought she may be, I loved that little girl to bits.

And her brother too.

Ben and Angela had both decided early on to make sure their kids weren't just fluent in Italian; the language they were growing up around, but also in English; Ben's mother tongue.

Their decision hadn't been purely emotional, though.

With Ben's work for the US Department of Foreign Affairs being of a nature that his continued presence in Italy wasn't set in stone, they'd both figured it was probably smart to make sure their kids could more than cope in English should they have to move to the States at some point during their lives. Their decision was also how I'd ended up being a nanny of some sorts to the little buggers.

I'd been in Rome for neigh on a month when an ad in a local paper had caught my attention and after a few calls I'd secured myself a job interview with the Tourist Office to become their new resident photographer. Up until that point I'd been really struggling, not just with finding jobs in a city I didn't knew a bloody soul and couldn't speak or understand the language but also coping with being away from Tanya for the first time in years.

It was only when I moved away that I came to realize just how much I'd depended on her for all those years when it had been the two of us against the rest of the big, bad, bloody world.

Which was exactly why I'd made the right decision when I decided it was time for a change of scenery.

Besides….Berlin wasn't really my scene anyway.

Too many temptations.

I'd showed up at the interview ridiculously early and sweating like a bloody log because I'd decided to wear a jacket – the only one I'd taken with me from London – in the middle of the Roman summer.

Ninety degrees was no temperature to be wearing a cheap-but-reasonably-smart-looking synthetic jacket. Ever.

It had been sometime around my four hundredth turn around the small park in front of the Tourist Office that Angela had breezed by, cussing up a storm (which even I, with my scant comprehension of the Italian language could understand) at some poor person on the phone as she marched into the building. Little did I know back then that the conversation she was having at that moment would not only make for a two hour delay in my interview but would also end up getting me the job.

As it turned out their au-pair had decided that day had been a good one to inform her boss she was quitting – effective immediately – and already in the process of moving her rap out of the house and leaving the adorable little three year old she was in charge off to her own devices.

Like a three year old could take care of herself.

It sufficed to say that, at the end of the day, Angela wasn't the only person in Rome who wanted to strangle that bitch.

As I sat in her office unaware of whatever the fuck was causing my interview to be delayed, Angela was speeding across the city top pick up her girl and bring her to the office; her cheeks flushed and her top stained with the remnants of a juice box-gone-wrong as she finally barged into the office with Renata on her hip and an expression on her face that would send even the most courageous of men cowering into a corner.

Obviously, those weren't the ingredients that made for a good job interview.

In the end it was Renata who saved the day. The moment she heard someone speaking in her father's tongue, she'd been all ears; mixing into the conversation and extending her arms in my direction to get closer to the strange bloke across the table.

I'd never thought that being nine when my kid sister was born would ever come in quite as handy as it did that day.

At the end of the interview, little Renata was sitting in my lap and playing (or better said: almost choking me to death) with my tie as her mum rifled through my portfolio and fifteen minutes later found me standing on the pavement with not only a job but also a gig on the side as a part-time babysitter for one cute-as-fuck little three year old.

The rest, as they said, was history.

"What did you do to those poor little _agnelli_?" Angela snickered as she came down the stairs. "They are both completely wiped out! Did you have fun at the _scavi_?"

I nodded. "Renata should become an archeologist or a history teacher when she grows up. I thought she'd be bored and all, because there's not that much of the villa standing upright anymore, but she just ate it all up and asked a million and one questions to the poor attendant nearest to us."

"That's my girl!" Angela chuckled, inclining her head to indicate she wanted to follow me back to the car to pick up the last of the grocery bags. "It doesn't matter where you take her….she always wants to know _everything_."

I smiled, grabbing most of the bags before Angela could get to them. "She so smart."

"I know!" Angela grinned like only a proud mother could. "It can be pretty tiring, though, if you're the one trying to keep up with her."

I groaned, feeling just about every bone in my body after spending the best part of three hours trying to keep up with the little sprite. "Tell me about it!"

"So are you too tired to help me knead the dough for the _pannetone_?" Angela wanted to know, mechanically unpacking the bags and putting away their contents. "I figured that if I mixed all the ingredients together and you did the kneading, I could get started on the turkey stuffing in the meantime but if you're too tired….."

"Nah, I'm okay," I interrupted her, knowing from last year just how much work went into Angela's Christmas dinners. The least think I could do to thank her for taking pity on my poor lonely bum was helping her out as much as I could.

I rolled up my sleeves as I crossed to the other side of the counter where she was already measuring the ingredients into a bowl. "What do you want me to do?"

She arched her brow, looking just like her daughter when she gave me the oh-my-God-I-can't-believe-you-just-asked-that-you're-so-stupid look. "Knead?"

I grinned sheepishly. _Yeah, I could have thought of that myself._ "Got it."

We worked side by side for a couple of moments, me getting my hands dirty as I mixed a big pile of stuff into a sticky emulsion while Angela set herself to the task of gutting the huge turkey she'd picked up that morning.

"Did you find out when Ben is going to be here?" I asked, distracting myself from the fact that she looked god awfully scary wielding a huge knife over the poor, unsuspecting piece of poultry as I continued to carefully mix the different ingredients together in the bowl.

Angela nodded, elbow deep inside a turkey. "He called me just as I drove home. The poor soul isn't going to be home until right before dinner. They're swamped with work over there. It's crazy…"

She shook her head, wiping her hands on a dishrag before plonking the turkey into a huge tray and depositing it in the fridge. "You'd think that with Christmas coming up, all diplomatic traffic would come to a standstill, no? Or that his boss would give him a break after all the hard work he's put in already over the last couple of weeks?"

I shrugged. "I don't know….."

"Apparently not." Angela sighed, scowling at the pile of ingredients in front of her. "He was so sorry to miss tucking the _bambini_ in for the night. It's the one thing he promised me when we got married. I knew his job was going to be crazy at times and I knew it would mean I'd often be sitting at home, waiting for him but he promised me to do everything in his power to be home to bring the kids to bed – spend some time with them every day. He didn't want to be like my father."

I cringed, remembering some of the stuff Angela had told me about her dad. He'd been a diplomat, working in the service of the Vatican; working so hard, in fact, that for the first years of her life, Angela'd had no bloody idea who the man was. All she knew that he dropped by from time to time and that it would make her mum smile.

Even when she grew up he always remained a stranger to her; the distant, austere man, providing her family with beautiful things he never got to enjoy or share with his wife and only child. He'd always promised them that, once he would retire, he would use the remainder of his life to catch up with them.

It was a promise he never got to keep.

Angela was only twenty years old when her dad crashed the car carrying her mum and himself into a tree on the way back from some highbrow function, killing both of them on impact.

I could imagine how she never wanted anything like that for her own two kids. Not that Ben was the kind of guy to ever stand by and let that happen.

"Anyway," she shrugged again, trying to rid herself of the regret she must have been feeling. "An embassy car is going to bring him home sometime around nine."

"An embassy car?" I asked. "Isn't he bummed out that I took his car?"

"I doubt it." Angela flashed me a reassuring smile. "He knows the impracticality of having only one car with two kids and a ton of holiday shopping to complete. Besides, I have a feeling that by the time he's done, he'll be much too tired to drive home by himself."

Her face turned sad, her eyes getting a glassy, faraway look as she muttered, "nor would I want him to."

I nodded. "That makes sense."

"But tell me something fun," Angela spoke, changing the subject "Tell me about the lovely Isabella. I haven't heard you mention her name ever since we got here. Don't tell me you blew things with her?"

"No." I would have backed up a bit to put a safe distance between her and me, had I been able to. There was something in the tone of my friend's voice that told me that, had my answer been an affirmative, she would have probably used the entrails of the turkey that right now lay abandoned in the kitchen sink, to slowly garrote me to an untimely end. "Things are just….a little difficult at the moment."

I sighed, trying to quench the bubbling anxiety as I thought about the fact that it had been very quiet on the Bella-front for the last couple of days.

Too bloody quiet.

At first I hadn't thought much about it. The last time I'd spoken to her, a couple of days ago when she'd just arrived in Santa Barbara, she'd told me how busy she'd been and how she was going to meet back up with Alice and a few of Jasper's mates in LA the next day. I figured she was just busy or distracted or something.

But now…..it had been three days – three bloody days of unanswered calls and unanswered messages, which left me with only one conclusion: something was terribly wrong.

If only I could find out what it was.

I knew that in the eyes of most of the blokes I knew, I must have come off as a terrible pansy but sod it! I was a man in love and knowing the object of my affection had somehow turned cold made me even more on edge that I normally was.

I needed her.

God, I needed her so bloody much.

There was something about Bella that made me think things and feel things I'd never thought I'd think or feel again and experience the world in a whole new way. She opened up a part of me that had died several years ago and because of it I suddenly found myself reconnecting with a world I'd never thought I'd see again.

Connecting with parts of _me_ I never thought I'd see again.

And through it, reconnect with the man I never thought I'd have the chance to become.

"_Calma_, Edward!" I hadn't realized Angela was speaking until she pushed my hands out of the way. "This dough is supposed to turn out light and fluffy, not beaten to within an inch of its life!"

I sighed, looking at the bowl and then at my hands, which were covered in flower, raisins and other crap. "I'm sorry."

Angela smirked. "By the look of things, I'm probably not the only person you should be apologizing to. What did you do?" Her eyes narrowed as she waited for her answer.

"Honestly? I don't know," I pouted. "Things were perfectly fine a few days ago and then suddenly….nothing. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore and I can't seem to find out why."

Angela shrugged, shaking her head as she measured out the ingredients for the traditional, Italian Christmas turkey stuffing on the kitchen counter. "There must have been something..."

"I know," I groaned, taking my hands out of the mixing bowl before I'd get another telling off for beating the dough too hard. "I just wish she'd talk to me and tell me what it was."

"Call her Edward," Angela ordered me with a knowing smirk ob her face. "You know you want to and I know you're not going to be of any use in the kitchen if you keep scowling around and abusing perfectly innocent victuals."

I smiled apologetically, wiping my hands on a nearby dishrag. "If you're alright with that…."

She rolled her eyes and made a shooing gesture. "Do you really think I'd have offered if I wasn't?" She shook her head again as she went back to work, muttering something under her breath in Italian that featured the word '_stupido'_.

"I heard that!" I fake-huffed over my shoulder as I pulled my phone out of my pants pocket before slipping into the conservatory for a bit of privacy.

I sighed, thinking about all the times I'd done this over the past three days, every time getting the same response.

Maybe this time I'd finally have some better luck.

"Well," I breathed, pressing the little green button, "here goes nothing."

My shoulders pulled into a hard line as I listened to the phone ringing…..and ringing…..and ringing….before…_"You've reached the voicemail of Isabella Swan. I'm not able to answer your call right now but if you leave a message after the beep, I'll get back to you as soon as I can." _

I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration as I disconnected the call. It had been like that for three bloody days.

Three days of hearing her sweet voice telling me she'd call me back if I left a message.

Three days of leaving messages, begging her to talk to me.

Three days of hearing nothing in return.

We hadn't gone that long without contact ever since the big mess-up after Rome and while I knew she was busy touring the coast of California with that Jasper guy, I also felt a little nervous.

What is something had happened?

What if she'd gotten hurt along the way?

My heart stopped beating as horror images of Bella lying somewhere in a dusty ravine surrounded by a mangled piece of steel that used to be a car.

"Ewardo?" I looked down to see Renata staring at me with wide-eyed wonder.

I tried to plaster a convincing smile on my face, patting the little girl on the head. "It's nothing, _tesora_, just a thought that popped into my head."

"Would you like some tea?" she offered in her best rendition of 'the Queen's English', "I find it always calms me down."

I laughed, genuinely and out loud this time as I picked her up, her squeals filling the air and expelling all gloomy thoughts. "Okay then, _principesa_," I grinned, tickling her sides. "Let's get us a cupper!"

She grinned. "Just go sit here and wait for me." She pointed sternly at one of the cane chairs in the corner of the little room. "I'll go get everything ready."

"Right here?" I arched one brow. "What if I want to sit in the chair next to it? Would you be mad?"

"Don't be stupid!" Renata huffed, flashing a scathing glare my way before stalking off in search of tea and light refreshments. _I should probably apologize to Angie at some point for giving her _more_ work instead of less_.

As I sat down, I quickly typed out a text message to Bella on my phone, asking her to at least let me know she was okay because I was worried sick. I knew she'd probably never answer me but at least a guy could hope.

Right?

I tried to hold on to that thought all through my tea party with Renata but even as I munched on the most horrible sandwiches a five year old could ever whip together and tried to wash it down with tea so strong you could revive the dead with it, I had to admit that prospects were pretty bleak.

Something was wrong – terribly wrong – and with me not knowing what it was and Bella not telling me, how was I ever going to make it right again?

"Pay attention, Ewardo!" Renata scolded me. "You almost got tea on your clothes!"

I chuckled. "Thanks for the warning, _prescioza_. That would have been so bad!"

"So I was telling you….." she babbled on, launching back into her tale of how she and one of her city friends were going to join forces on the birthday parties and organize a real fashion show with designer clothes and a runway made of little Formica tables with a discarded curtain on top to make it look real. I think she expected me to be there in the role of resident paparazzo but I couldn't be sure, what with my mind being a couple of thousand miles away.

"A fashion show?" I gulped, almost choking on my cold tea.

"Yes?" she looked at me as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Blimey, girl!" I breathed. "In my day all we did for our birthday parties was sit in the drawing room and watch a movie before eating bangers and mash before our mum's would come and get us."

"Bangers?" Renata's face scrunched up. "What are bangers? Can you eat them? They sound nasty."

"Sausages," I shrugged, "and there's no nasty thing about it. Just you wait until you've tasted my mum's food. You'll never want to eat a plate of pasta in your life!"

"I don't think so," she giggled, giving me a perfect example of the bitch-brow (which was kind of scary on a cute little girl like her) just as her mum called her in for supper.

"Pasta!" she squealed, winking at me before running off to the kitchen.

I chuckled, shaking my head as I watched her go. That girl was going to make some poor sod a mighty terrifying wife one day.

But he was going to be the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet.

Or I was going to have words with him.

I used the short gap in the action to check my phone almost dropping the darn thing when the blinking light told me I had a new message.

_I'm fine. _

That was all she wrote.

I'm fine.

And just like that, my heart sank back in my shoes.

I'm fine.

Well, I wasn't.

What was that supposed to mean anyway?

I'm fine but really busy earning my livelihood so bugger off and find something useful to do?

I'm fine so don't worry your pretty little head and leave me be?

I'm fine so give me some space while I decide if you've buggered up worse enough for me to step away?

I'm fine so don't ever fucking call me again you bloody cad?

I'm fine.

How was a guy to know what that meant?

Women!

They were really doing my head in right now.

"What crawled up your ass and died?" I looked up to see Ben in the doorway. Huh? Somehow, amidst all of my brooding, it must have been close to nine PM. I could faintly remember Benni and Angela dropping by at one point after they were finished eating to give me a kiss goodnight but still… I must have been in this room for well over an hour.

I shrugged. "Just some girl trouble."

"Ah!" Ben smirked. "Well, Angie ordered me to come and get you. The _risotto_ is done and…well….you know how fussy the woman can get over food."

I cringed, remembering a very painful telling off I'd had when I'd deigned to show up five minutes late for dinner one night. Something about pasta only being edible when it was perfectly _al dente_ and the timing on getting it there rivaling that of a military operation.

Angela was already plating up when we walked into the dining room, her eyes perking up when Ben pressed a light kiss to her hair as he walked past her before taking his seat at the head of the table. "Here you are, _amore_," she smiled, putting a plate of steaming, fragrant risotto in front of him and rasping some fresh parmesan on top of it.

"Thanks, sweetheart, it looks lovely." I had to look away, panic and envy swirling around in the pit of my stomach.

"Edward." Angela grinned, piling scoop after scoop of risotto onto my plate as I held it out for her.

"Really, Angela," I huffed. "I'm not a bloody goose!"

"I wish you were because it would mean you'd have some fat on that skinny frame of yours!" Angela quipped, her face pulling into a frown as she let her eyes travel over my body. "_Veramente_, Edward, don't you ever eat?"

I rolled my eyes, groaning as the first bite of Angela's risotto hit my palette. "Yes, _mother_, I do happen to eat every now and then."

Ben chuckled as his wife let out a little huff but he was smart enough not to say anything. _Pansy_.

"Eat more," Angela instructed me, shaking her head. "How are you ever going to be a good husband to that American girl of yours if you continue to be a _magro_ like that?"

_Husband_? I gulped on my wine, almost choking in the process. "I don't know if…..that is to say….I – _we_ – haven't…." Somehow I'd never thought of myself as a husband. Sure, I saw myself being in a serious and lasting relationship with Bella (though the logistics of such a relationship were doing my head in but marriage?

Was I the kind of guy who wanted that?

Was she the kind of girl?

I guess so.

At least, if she ever answered my bloody calls.

But me?

Angela giggled, looking mighty chuffed at my flustered state. "Just eat, Edward."

I chuckled, doing just that.

"Oh and Edward?"

I looked up to find her looking at me; arched brow and slight smile playing at the corners of her lips. "If you ever tell my little girl that those nasty sausages and mashed potatoes you Brits are so fond of are better than her _mama_'s pasta, I'll kill you in your sleep."

The risotto I'd had in my mouth when she spoke almost did the job for her. "Duly noted," I couched, Ben chuckling as he patted my back, trying to help me catch my breath again.

Things calmed down again as all three of us tucked back into our meals, devouring the risotto and getting started on our _secondo_ of roast beef and winter vegetables.

"So how did your phone call with Bella go?" Angela inquired. "Rena told me you were so down that you needed a tea party to cheer you up but that may have just been her enthusiasm to get you to appreciate her new tea service."

"Nah, she was right." I cringed, trying to deflect attention by focusing on cutting my food. "I'm sorry for the hassle, by the way. The last thing you needed, on top of everything else, was to prepare food for a tea party."

Angela snorted. "Which was why I didn't. I think it should be me doing the apologizing."

_Ah, that was why the sandwiches had looked like they'd been through the digestive system once before._ "Yeah, I think your daughter does need another lesson or two before she's ready to be a perfect, Italian house wife," I chuckled.

"So?" Angela persisted. "Complete disaster?" I knew she wasn't talking about her daughter's attempt at cooking.

I shrugged. "She didn't pick up, not that I expected her to."

"Have you tried calling her on her land line?" Ben offered, helping himself to another generous helping of beef. "With a town as small as Forks and her family a prominent member of it, their number is bound to be listed somewhere."

I sighed, rubbing my forehead as I contemplated his suggestion. "I dunno, Ben. Calling her family? What if that makes her even more pissed at me than she was before?"

Angela shrugged, daintily balancing her cutlery on the edge of her plate before she chimed in. "The way I see it, there isn't much you can ruin right now. It's as my mother always said it: _nella vita: chi non risica, non rosica_."

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Apparently, Angela's mum and mine had quite the same outlook on life because I couldn't remember how many times my mum had told me those exact same words when she'd wanted me to make the most out of life. Still, she'd been mighty quiet when I showed up with Vicky in tow so it seemed like the 'venturing' aspect of the proverb only went so far.

Just figures.

The question was, though: if I ventured, right now, would I gain something? Or would I just destroy what was still left of the best thing that had entered my life in years?

It was doing my head in.

"I agree with Angela, Edward," Ben spoke. "The longer you let this go on, the more likely the chance that you will be left with nothing. If you call her now, at least maybe she will admire your guts and hear you out."

"You're right," I nodded, letting out another sigh as I emptied my glass, swallowing the tangy liquid in one gulp. _I _should_ just man up and call her. At least then I wouldn't be ruining Ben and Angela's Christmas by moping around the place like a bloody mess. _

They were right.

I kept on telling myself that all through the rest of dinner but still, even in spite of all the rightness, I still had the feeling I was doing something wrong when I booted up my laptop and entered a search query for 'Swan' 'Forks'.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be going.

This wasn't how my first contact with my girls' family was supposed to take place.

Then again, if you weren't so sure anymore if 'your' girl still wanted to be your girl, didn't that override all common rules of etiquette?

I let out a frustrated growl. This whole relationship malarkey was so not going as it should have. Wasn't this supposed to be a happy time? Weren't my hills supposed to be alive to the sound of bloody music? Wasn't I supposed to be doing feminine crap like run through a field of daisies; hand in hand with my beloved and grinning like a bloody idiot?

I snorted, scowling at the screen filled with numbers and links. _Yeah right!_

So far all this relationship stuff had given me were a serious case of blue balls and a killer of a tension headache. No daisies or frolicking in sight here!

Still, would I give it all up – would I give her up – for the peace and quiet of the life I lived pre-Bella?

No way.

Because as confusing and frustrating as it was to be in the middle of a bi-continental love affair, Bella was so worth it.

That was, if she wasn't off being all confusing and non-responsive.

I smiled, scrolling down the page and clicking on a link that looked promising. At least I could do something about the non-responsive part.

Ben had been right: finding the Swan home number was a piece of cake, punching those digits into my cell phone, however, proved to be a whole lot harder and not just because those tiny damn buttons seemed to be made for baby's fingers only.

In the end, though, the prospect of hearing Bella's sweet voice – even if it would holler abuse at me for daring to call her when it was clear for all to see that I was in the dog house – cancelled out all fears of having her father answer the phone.

And so I dialed and waited; my throat drying to a parchy state as it rang.

"Swan residence," a voice – not Bella's – answered. I smiled, realizing this must have been the infamous, skinny dipping Renee.

"This is Edward Cullen," I announced myself. "I was wondering if Bella is home?"

There was a small pause, my nerves heightening as I waited for her to answer. "I'll see if she wants to talk to you." There was something in the tone of her voice that made me wonder if she knew who – or what – I was to Bella and, even more importantly, why Bella was giving me the cold shoulder all of a sudden.

I swallowed, my Adam's apple bobbing up and down as I tried to get rid of the big old lump in my throat. _Easy, Cullen. Keep breathing. _

"What do you want?" Bella's voice sounded clipped when she finally answered the call.

"To talk to you?" I offered. "I was worried sick about you when you didn't answer my calls."

"I told you I was alright," she snapped, giving me no time to answer her before she went on. "You're so damn lucky it was my mom who answered the phone and not my dad….."

"Look, I'm sorry," I interrupted her. "I don't want you to get into trouble with anyone but I really didn't see any other way to get you to answer your bloody phone when I called."

She let out a huge breath, the sigh echoing in the silence before she spoke. "I guess you have a point."

"What's going on, Bella?" I went on, figuring I may as well jump into the deep now that I finally had her attention. "One day everything's fine and the next you're freezing me out. Did I do something wrong? Was it something I said? Did I forget something? Shit….."

I ran my hand through my hair, trying to count back the days I knew her. "It wasn't some sort of anniversary I forgot, was it?"

"No." Another sigh. "It wasn't any of that."

"Then what was it, Bella?" I was this close to pulling my hair out. "Please, you have to tell me. I can't apologize for whatever the fuck I did wrong if I don't know what it was."

"Very well." There was another small pause as Bella took in a deep breath. "Is it okay if I call you back in a couple of minutes? I have the feeling both my mom and my sister in law are right around the corner trying to find out who the hell it is I'm talking to and this isn't the kind of stuff I want to share with them."

"It's fine, love," I answered quickly, "as long as you do call me back."

"I promise." There was little conviction in her voice but I knew her well enough to know she wouldn't lie to me; not like that. "I'll be back in a couple of moments."

I spent those moment pacing up and down the study, flashing Ben an uncertain smirk when he came to check in on me, and breathing a huge sigh of relief when – after 320 excruciating seconds, Bella's name flashed across the screen of my phone.

Thank God.

"You're back," I breathed, feeling my shoulders relax slightly.

"I told you I would be, didn't I?" There was no humor in Bella's voice. No smile, no joke, no….._nothing_.

"Yeah," I sighed. "You did."

"I bumped into an old friend of yours in LA."

I frowned. "What? Who?"

"A girl named Chelsea?" Her voice still had that harshness to it. "She claimed to be a rather _intimate_ acquaintance of yours."

Chelsea….Chelsea…. I racked my brain, trying to match the face to the name until….. "Crap. Chelsea."

"I see you remember her," Bella muttered wryly. "She says 'hi', by the way."

I cringed. If I remembered the right one, that probably wasn't all she said. "What else did she say?"

"Oooh, where should I start?" Bella's voice snapped. "Maybe at the fact that she couldn't believe you'd sink so low as to fall for a girl like me? Or maybe you'd rather I start at the rather vivid description she gave me of you rubbing breakfast condiments all over your penis because you were too high to notice the difference between your dick and a fucking pancake!"

I cringed, not only because I remembered what Tanya had told me about that night (not that I remembered anything of it) but mostly because of the way Bella's voice had gone up an octave or two at the end of her explanation. "Bella….."

"I should have known there was more to it than what you told me in Paris," she went on, her voice cutting through mine almost hysterical. "I knew you were holding back, I just never realized…I never knew just how bad it was."

"I'm not that guy anymore," I interrupted her. "Sweetheart, you have to believe me."

"You have to admit it's kind of hard, isn't it, when you keep on throwing curveballs at me?"

I figured that telling her that it hadn't been me throwing that curveball wouldn't help me out in this particular situation. 'It's just….." I sighed, welcoming the pain as I pulled at my hair. "You're you…..and you're so sweet and beautiful and…and _protected_ and I…..I never wanted to bring my….my _poison_ into your life."

"But Edward…. Don't you realize that by leaving me out of the loop…." She sighed, taking a few moments to recollect herself. " I felt like an idiot, standing in front of her and hearing her talk about a _you_ I didn't know. I felt….I felt like _I_ didn't know you."

What was left of me crumbled into a million pieces at her words. "I'm sorry."

"I just don't understand," she went on. "When we're together you're all about control and abstinence and it makes me feel special and loved…..but then Chelsea tells me about how you used to fuck everything with a vagina and all that's left is me feeling sordid…..and stupid."

I felt as if she'd slapped me – right across the face – which was probably what her words had meant to achieve.

"Besides," she went on with a sigh, "I know what you said about waiting and – really – I see what you're saying but….."

"But?"

"It's kind of awkward when you get the feeling that you're the last person in the world to be seeing your boyfriend's penis."

I shook my head even though I knew she wouldn't see it. "I'm not that guy anymore, Bella. You have to believe me."

"I know." She sighed, the sound of her deep breath echoing through the line. "But I just….I don't know Edward. Was she right? About you doing drugs?"

I smirked, knowing how big a deal that would probably be to her. In fact, it was that knowledge that had lead me to keep that information from her in the first place. "Yes."

I heard a sharp intake of breath. "How long?"

"How long did I do drugs for or how long ago did I quit?" I frowned, not quite sure what she meant.

"Both."

I sighed. "I smoked my first joint during college introduction week but I didn't move on to the hard stuff until I met Vicky."

I smirked. "Tanya hated it, of course. She saw what it was doing to me and did everything she could to get me to quit but I only managed to do so about two years ago."

She was silent for a while, her voice sounding guarded when she spoke. "Was that why you left Berlin?"

I smiled. _Smart girl!_ She'd obviously done the math. "I did. I wanted to get away from the people – the dealers, the girls…the everything. It's easy to fall back into old habits when they're just around the corner."

"And since then?"

"I haven't touched anything since then; no pot, no coke, no nothing," I explained. "Sure, I drink more than I probably should and smoke more than is good for me….but I haven't done drugs- of any kind – in the past two years."

She sighed. "Good. That's….good."

"So what now?" I asked, trying not to come off as too desperate or pushy or needy.

"Honestly? I don't know," she answered. "This…..it's very hard for me to get my head around it, given the way I was raised and my dad and everything."

I nodded. "I can see what you mean."

I could. Even in spite of who her mum was, the account she'd given me of the childhood and the way she'd grown up; wanting nothing more than the straight-laced, white picket fence-life, I knew this must have come as quite the thunder strike for her.

"I think….I think I need some time to process everything and find out how I really feel about all of this."

I sighed, leaning my head against the backrest. "Okay."

Time.

She needed time.

I could give her that.

Right?

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_**Right? **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	19. The Logging Capital

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**The Real Teacher deserves an award for putting up with my many, many mistakes and making these chapters look pretty. Thank you so much, bb!**_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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**Chapter 16 – The Logging Capital**

_**Or how I experienced that hostile environments can sometimes give off more warmth than fire. **_

_Clank._

Sam shot me a sideways glance as the loud bang came from the kitchen soon followed by an equally loud string of curses.

"_Don't!_" he mouthed, the sides of his lips trembling as hard as mine as we both tried our damndest not to break out in laughter.

Over the years, each of us had learned the hard way that smiling at a moment like that wasn't exactly a smart thing to do.

Or a healthy thing for that matter.

"Damn you!" mom's voice rang through the room. "Stupid damn bird! _Damn you_!"

Dad sighed, his eyes shooting to the kitchen door before he grabbed the remote control and cranked the sound up a few bars to drown out the sound of the Big 2011 Christmas Dinner Disaster Show.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," Sam whispered, his eyes shining with mischief as his hands rubbed gently over his wife's stomach as she lay next to him on the big, lumpy sofa.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Oh, shut up, you idiot!" I hissed, shooting sideways glances at the kitchen door. "What if she just walked in here and found you making fun of her? Do I have to remind you of the last time that happened?"

Sam blanched, probably thinking – like me – of the time when he'd been almost knocked unconscious by a 12lb turkey mom thrown at him from across the room_. For a small woman like her, my mom could throw like a pitcher in the World Series. _

I chuckled. "I guess not."

Sam's response was drowned out by another loud crash coming from the kitchen, soon followed by a string of curses that would have made the baby Jesus cry and mother Mary cringe in horror.

"Yeah," dad grumbled. "That's the spirit of Christmas for ya."

Sam snorted, touching his can of beer to dad's. "So how about that Mel Gibson guy. Would you have believed he was such an asshole back in the day when he was running around chasing bad guys and sporting a mullet a whole family of birds could nest in?"

I rolled my eyes as dad eagerly jumped in and the two of them started gossiping like old wives while watching a movie each and every single one of us had seen at least five times already.

"What is it with guys only watching sports and action movies?" I scowled, watching as Mel Gibson – who, I had to admit it, did look pretty ridiculous sporting his eighties hairstyle – ran off in chase of some equally atrociously dressed criminal. "Would it kill you guys to watch something new every now and then? _The Lord of the Rings_ is on Showtime."

"_Lord of the Rings_?" dad groaned, looking as if I'd just suggested watching _My Little Pony_-reruns. "I'm not going to spend my free day watching elf's!"

I sighed, giving up. It wasn't like I'd had even the faintest chance at success anyway but, like every year, I figured I may as well give it a try. Who knew? Maybe one day they'd try something new.

"Should we be checking up on your mom to see if she needs help?" Emily asked, lifting her head up so that she could peek around her husband. "Maybe if the two of us just pitched in…."

"Been there, done that, still carrying the scars," I chuckled. "Believe me, it's better this way."

"It's gone awfully quiet all of a sudden," dad remarked, his eyes once again flickering to the closed kitchen door.

_Crap! He had a point_. I sighed. "Do you want me to go in?"

"Nah, I'll do it." He shrugged, pushing his body out of his lazy chair as he turned to Sam, the empty beer bottle in his hands clueing me in on why he was suddenly so eager to risk life and limb. "You still good or do you need a new one?"

"I'm good, thanks," Sam grunted, his eyes never leaving the screen as his hand continued to rub lazy circles over Emily's stomach.

I chuckled, trying to draw my attention back to the book I'd been reading. _Nothing had changed. _It was startling – even to me – how much comfort I derived from that thought.

Apart from the addition of Emily to our family, this was how the Swan family Christmas' had gone for as long as I could remember: dad, Sam and me hiding out in the living room, watching crap TV in anticipation of mom's meltdown and the following rearrangement of dinner.

No three years of me being absent to witness it had changed anything in that particular tradition.

Or so it seemed.

The door flew open before dad could reach it and I had to snicker at the way he took a stealthy two or three steps back, just to be on the safe side. Dad may have been the law around these parts but even he knew better than to go up against my mom when she was in full holiday rage mode.

"What are you looking at?" she snapped, her eyes narrowing as they zeroed in on my dad. "Did you come over to gloat or something? Because God knows you weren't about to walk into the kitchen to offer your help. I know you better than that."

"I…erm….I just wanted to get a fresh beer?" dad offered, shuffling another few steps back.

"Is that so?" mom challenged, crossing her hands in front of her chest.

Dad nodded frantically, holding up his empty beer can as evidence.

"Well, I call bullshit!" Mom huffed, the ferocity in her voice making us all squirm uneasily in our seats even though we'd gone through this a dozen times before. "You may have run empty, Charles Everett Swan, but I know you were just trying to sneak around and spy on me!"

"But it's true mom," Sam jumped in to help dad, "he even offered to pick one up for me and…." The rest of what he was about to say was muffled by the dishtowel mom threw at him.

"You keep out of this, Samuel!" mom snapped.

"For heaven's sake, there's a pregnant woman in the room!" Sam cried out as he removed the towel from his face. It didn't escape my notice, though, how he tried to duck behind said pregnant woman for cover. "Stop throwing things at us!"

"Hey!" Emily yelled, slapping her husband out of the way. "Leave me out of this, will you? At least I offered to help your mom, which is more than can be said for you!"

"Bless you Emily," mom sighed, a watery smile breaking through as she looked at my sister in law. "God knows Sam's never done anything to deserve a girl like you but I, for one, am happy to have you around."

"And what am I" I scowled. "Chopped liver?"

"Of course not!" mom huffed indignantly. "Then again, I didn't exactly notice you falling over yourself to offer you assistance."

I smirked, rolling my eyes. "That's because I know better!"

This was the point – as it usually was – where mom raised her hands to the heavens. "What the hell did I do to deserve such a family of lazy ass slackers!" she groaned, her hands tearing at the strings of her apron in a way reminiscent of the incredible hulk breaking out of his shirt. "I'm going out for a walk. You just….deal with it."

And with that she marched off, the door slamming shut with a loud bang, leaving us all behind grinning like a bunch of loons.

I guess this meant that Christmas had officially started in the Swan household.

"Right, Bells," dad breathed as soon as the laughter had died down. "Time for you to work your magic and see what can be saved. I'm starving."

I rolled my eyes, suddenly understanding my mom a bit better. "Would it kill you to help us out?"

Dad grinned, popping a handful of nuts into his mouth. "Probably not. Then again, the chances of someone dying from food poisoning would grow exponentially if you let me anywhere near the kitchen."

I shook my head, chuckling in spite of myself. "You're such a guy, dad!"

"Yeah," dad chuckle proudly, "and once she's done cooling off, you're mom's going to be very happy about that!"

"Okay, I'm going now!" I grimaced, shivering slightly at the thought of mom and dad having sex. Not that I begrudged them a little hanky panky every now and then but hearing about it…._Nope, I definitely didn't need that._

Not if I wanted to keep any food down.

Walking into the kitchen the damage, like every other year, was severe. "Okay…." I muttered, trying to put some order into the chaos and lined every flat surface of the room. "what do we have here….."

The oven was my first stop along the way, knowing that a still raw turkey or one that was incinerated to ashes would mean starting over and reconfiguring the whole meal. The scent of cooking meat and warm herbs assaulted my senses as soon as I opened the oven, the bird inside looking well underway to being cooked in about an hour or so.

Plus – and that was a big and honestly quite unexpected plus remembering the blue Turkey disaster – no funky stuffing's or dressings in sight.

"Not so bad," I mused, tapping my finger to my lips as I scanned the rest of the room. "Not so bad at all….."

In fact, looking around the place after I'd seen the turkey, I got the distinct idea that something fishy was going on – and I wasn't talking about the freezer filled with all the gunk Sam and my dad kept bringing in every Saturday after their fishing trips. It was too organized…..the ingredients scattered too neatly across the worktops, bottles spilling their contents only in places where they wouldn't screw anything up.

I chuckled. _Was this mom's 'elegant' way of giving me free reign over Christmas dinner?_

"God, it looks like a bomb went off in here!" I jumped, hearing Emily's voice behind me.

"Yeah, it's pretty bad, ain't it?" I smiled as I watched her walk in, her hand folded almost protectively around her bump as she made the same course around the room had as I did right before her.

"I think Renee actually did a pretty good job with the turkey this year," Emily muttered as she peeked into the oven. "Who knows? Maybe there's hope for her yet!"

I decided there and then not to let her in on my little hunch. _Why kill the magic by letting the kids know Santa isn't real?_

So I turned to her with what I hoped was a look of surprise. "Really? Did she start taking those cooking classes at the community center again?"

"Not that I know." Emily shrugged. "But she has been asking around for tips. Maybe it helped."

"Yeah." I smiled, looking around the too artfully messed up kitchen. "Maybe."

About ninety minutes and a whole lot of work later and we were finally done; Emily and me carrying the turkey while mom – newly returned from her walk – topped off everyone's drinks.

"Here ya go, old man!" I joked, offering my dad the carving set. "It's about time you put your shoulder to the wheel!"

"There! See? I'm not the only one who thinks you're lazy!" mom squealed, winking conspiratorially across the table.

"Yeah, yeah," dad grumbled, unctuously patting mom's hand to get her to calm down again. "Let's just get this puppy sawed up, shall we?"

I smiled, watching as dad carved the turkey with the meticulous precision of a brain surgeon, portioning off the pieces and giving each of the members of his family the portions they preferred.

It made me feel great about being home: somewhere I didn't have to pretend or content but just….be.

Be with the people I loved.

Be with the people who loved me.

Be with the people who _knew_ me.

"Here ya go, Bells." I looked up to see dad holding a big piece of turkey breast in the air, waiting for me to hold up my pate so he could deposit it.

"Thanks dad." I smiled at his look of prideful joy; a look that was reflected on all faces across the table.

To everyone else we may have been the stereotypical small-town slightly hillbilly family and – who knew – maybe we were but to me, those people around the table were all I had in the world – apart from Alice, Rose Jasper and….and Edward (because no matter how bad things were between us right now, it would have been a lie to deny the claim he held on my heart) – and I loved them, warts, silly fights and Christmas traditions and all. Just like I knew they loved me as well.

"Will you say grace, dear?" mom asked, scooping a generous portion of broad beans in mint onto her plate.

"Don't you want to do it?" Mischievous lights were shining in dad's eyes as he spoke. "I mean….after all of the times you've used the Good Lord's name in vain today, I figured you may want to get back in His good books."

I had a hard time holding back my laughter and, judging from the looks on their faces, so were Sam and Emily; our troubles only growing as we looked at mom who was staring back at my dad with a gaping look of incredulity of her face.

"What?" dad shrugged. "It's not that crazy an idea, is it?"

Mom snorted. "No, I guess not but I still think you'd better do the honors, dear."

Dad grinned, folding his hand over hers on top of the table. "I think you might be right."

"When am I not?" Mom smiled, her hand reaching out towards mine over the table as we all joined hands.

Dad shook his head, his face turning serious as he looked around the table before bowing his head. "For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Please bless this family so that we may enjoy many more of these meals together and so that our Emily delivers a healthy baby into our midst. ….."

He smiled, casting a sideways glance at Emily. "…and keep us safe and steer us in the right direction as we go about our daily lives. To Your hands we entrust our lives and our hopes. Amen."

I smiled, muttering out my own 'amen'. We weren't very religious as a family but these kinds of traditions – just like mom's annual hissy fit – were sacred around our place and just like every other year, I had a huge lump in my throat as I listened to my dad say grace.

"Thanks Charlie," Emily sniffed, wiping a tear from her eye as she laid her other hand over her bump.

Dad shrugged, gently patting her hand. "I figure when the time is ripe you're going to need all the help you can get to get this little youngin' into the world. If he's as big as our Sam and Bella were when they were born, you're in for a tough ride!"

"Too bad Bella stopped growing soon after that, huh!" Sam joked.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Too bad the only thing that didn't keep up with your growth spurt was your brain!"

"Children!" mom scowled, though I could see the lights dancing in her eyes. "What did I tell you about fighting at the dinner table? You'd think that with the two of you both being in your thirties you would have grown over that stuff ten odd years ago?"

"We're just showing our love, mom," Sam snickered. "Isn't that what you told me when you and dad had that fight when I was five?"

I snorted, almost choking on a sip of wine as I remembered what Sam had told me about that day. Mom and Dad had had one of their little spats and Sam had been convinced they were getting a divorce. His words were an exact replica of what mom had told him.

"Yeah, Sam," I cooed. "I love you, big brother, even in spite of the fact that your brain isn't quite up to size with the rest of you."

"And I love you, my baby sister," Sam lisped, batting his lashes at me, "even though you're so tiny I sometimes fear I'm accidentally going to sit on you."

"Can we just eat?" dad grumbled. "I'm sure all of this is making poor Emily sick."

The rest of the meal passed a lot quieter. Once everyone got stuck in, all of our mouths were much too busy eating to talk and after….well, after we'd all had our fill of Emily's pecan pie – a recipe passed down from her grandmother – we were much to full to do anything but vegg out in front of the television and pretend to watch whatever drivel was on.

"I think it's about time we head on home," Sam's voice spoke over the background noise of ESPN. _Seriously, you'd think that with Christmas and all there would be one day – one day – in the year people could go without football?_ "Emmy's almost passing out on me as it is and I know you girls have an early start tomorrow….." He let his voice trail off, his attention fixed on his wife as he helped her get up, one handedly ruffling my hair as he walked past me while mom fussed over Emily from the other side.

"Do I have to come?" I groaned, putting my book – a Christmas present from Sam and Emily – away. "I mean….I could just let you two get a head start and join you at a more Christian hour?"

"You're going and that's that," mom answered immediately. "This is a huge moment for Emily and her baby. You know you're going to regret not being involved in your little niece of nephew's life later on."

Emily flashed me an apologetic look. "It won't be that bad, Bella," she spoke as dad and I followed them out to the driveway where their car was parked. "And the Port Angeles Mall has some great book stores as well. You may end up finding something you like."

I sighed, not wanting to make her feel bad. "Yeah, I might."

I made my way upstairs soon after they left, the full stomach and cozy warmth of the downstairs fireplace having made me so fuzzy I was half asleep before I even reached my room. Which was probably a good thing since I'd heard mom say something about wanting to be in the car by six AM.

Six. AM. _What kind of fuckwad had come up with a time like that?_

Lying in bed, though, watching the stars through my skylight window, my thoughts started to linger to faraway places.

Like the small place in Lazio called Tivoli where Edward would be spending his holiday.

Edward.

I thought that being around my family would have helped me to get away from constantly thinking about him and the huge, unresolved mess between us, but no. Being here, stuck in the middle of the two loving couples that made up my family, only pushed my nose into it that much harder.

And that was even before he'd called.

_I was so screwed_. I smiled wryly, placing my book on the bedside table since I knew I wasn't going to get any more reading done if I tried.

His call…..it had been the best and the worst thing that could have happened at that moment. The best thing since his words – his honesty – had kept me from doing something radical; something I knew I was going to regret later on.

The worst because hearing him confirm Chelsea's harsh words from almost a week ago…..it was horrible. More horrible even because it only served to proof that she was right.

I wasn't the kind of girl for Edward.

I couldn't do this…..this hanging out with bohemians and acting like I didn't give a fuck that their way of looking at the world was so completely different from what I was used to…..from the way I grew up.

Lying back I forgot that, unlike home in New York, my old bed didn't have a plushy soft headboard but one of sturdy wood; my head clanking against the solid oak with a loud bang and a dull ache that made me wonder for a moment whether or not I'd given myself a concussion.

It wouldn't have been the first time.

Nor the last.

Was it really so impossible for me to live with Edward's past? I mean….it was as he said: the past. He wasn't doing drugs anymore and hadn't in quite some time. Besides, if his words were anything to go by, the erratic behavior Chelsea had described wasn't _him_. It had to do with the cocaine….the alcohol….the aftermath of Victoria – _bitch!_

Could I look past it and see the man he'd become as opposed to the man he used to be?

I sighed, my hand still absentmindedly rubbing the back of my head. I guess in the end it all came down to trust. Could I trust him – not just to be completely open and honest with me and not leave me quite so vulnerable to attacks from the left field as he had been doing until now? Could he really be the one to take care of every part of my heart that my Mike-induced caution had made me hold back?

I wasn't sure.

I wished I was, though. More than anything.

Part of me was so angry with myself for not being more open minded and less guarded. Sure, I'd grown up very protected and in a world so small I knew virtually everyone in it. As a consequence of that, my moral compass was fixed to those kinds of bearings, bearings not even a couple of years in the big city could change.

And drugs, in my book, were something big.

As was withholding information.

Could I trust him, knowing that he kept this sort of stuff from me? Could I forget about what Mike had done to me and open myself up to this guy….follow my heart and not my head or the fears growing up the daughter of a police chief had planted inside said head?

My heart said yes but my head….

It was just too confused to come up with an answer.

Too far out of the safety of its comfort zone.

"Bah!" I grumbled, the cold forcing me to scoot further under the covers. "Fucking Mike!"

I hated him not just for destroying my past but also – as it seemed – for the influence his actions still held on me, three years later.

But then again….was it really him and what he'd done to me or was I just hiding behind it?

I fell asleep before I could work it all out in my head; my dreams restless and all evolving around the same subject:

_Green. _

_And maybe a bit of bronze._

**oOo**

The theme of green – though in a completely different concept – continued as mom drove me and Emily to Port Angeles the next morning, the road surrounded on both sides by plush green trees and ferns.

Lots and lots of them.

I was quite happy to sit in the back and doze a little as mom and Emily carried on an animated conversation about the things they were going to get for the nursery in the front; the prospect of post-Christmas sale meaning a lot more to them than it did to me.

I'd never been much of a shopper and since I'd moved in with Alice, things hadn't exactly changed on that front. In fact, I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen a dress store from the inside. _And thank God for that!_ I just took whatever Alice threw at me and was happy about it. She knew me well enough to know what I'd like and how much money I wanted to spend so, over the last couple of years, she'd become my personal shopper.

I guess that was all going to change today.

I grimaced as the car pulled into the car park of a huge mall on the outskirts of town, the parking lot already a bustling center of activity.

I was sure that whoever had come up with the concept of the 'shopping mall' and this one in particular must have been an avid reader of Dante's _Divine Comedy _because there ever was a place that resembled hell – and all its nine circles - it was this one.

"Let's go!" Emily squealed, taking my hand and dragging me off to the entrance even before I'd fully exited the car. "I've seen this perfect crib and changing table online that's going for seventy percent of its normal price today. It would be a shame if it's sold out before we get there."

Soon after we were thrown into the madness that was _Babies R Us_ on post-Christmas sale day, mom and Emily clawing around in search of bargains while I walked around the place, trying not to let my mind wander in the direction it so desperately wanted to wander into.

Edward.

Edward and babies.

Our babies?

The funny thing was that I'd never really given much thought to being a mom before. Sure, when me and Mike had been married we had discussed it – Mike a little more enthusiastically than I – but we'd decided to wait until Mike had taken over the business and I'd found a more solid footing in the newspaper world before we expanded our family. After things between us went wrong….well, it had been about as far from my mind as a topic could get.

Right now though, even in spite of all my efforts, I couldn't help but wonder what a baby of Edward and me would look like.

What would Edward be like as a father?

I smiled, imagining a grassy backyard that had Edward running around with a little boy playing football – soccer, not our kind of football – two pairs of green eyes looking back at me as I watched them from the porch. A house with pictures hanging on the walls – black and white, color, sepia…but all revealing his own incredible style of photography – documenting each new stage in our lives.

Or a little girl….Edward had told me about the times he'd watched Angela's daughter and the tea-parties they'd thrown. I couldn't help but imagine….

A loud cackle of laughter right next to me made me jump out of my reverie, shaking my head at my own wild fantasies. _Remember, Bella? Yesterday you weren't even sure whether or not you want to be with the guy and now you're thinking about procreating? What the hell is the matter with you girl?_

Of course I knew what it was. It was the damned store I was in and all of the baby paraphernalia surrounding me. It would have made even Jane's ovaries melt. And that was saying something…..

A little spooked by the liveliness of my own imagination I set off in search of my mom and Emily only to find them arranging a delivery date for the furniture my sister in law had just purchased, an amount of bags as high as the size of a decent midrange car lying next to them telling me they'd done most of their shopping.

"Okay," Emily grinned contentedly. "Any more shops we need to visit? Bella?"

"I think I'm fine for now." I shrugged. "Mom?"

"Oh no," Emily gasped, mom and I immediately turning towards her to see what was wrong.

"Are you okay?" I asked, looking from her face to her belly. "Is something wrong….."

"Look," she answered, nodding her head to the left.

Following her lead my face paled as my eyes landed on two very familiar figures; one I never thought I'd see again and one I never hoped I'd see again.

But even then, I'd ever thought I'd see them together.

"Bella Swan." Mrs. Newton spat my name out like the taste of it on her tongue was an abomination in itself as she waded through the masses until she was standing right in front of me.

I nodded, barely containing the urge to head but the woman who'd been such a strong factor in the failure of my marriage. "Mrs. Newton. Jessica"

Jessica smiled bashfully, a slight blush tinting her cheeks as she peeked at me from underneath her lashes. _She looked pretty_. I was kind of amazed at the sense of detachment I felt as I looked at my replacement. _Well, I guess a decent set of clothes and the absence of my husband's dick pounding into her did make all the difference._

Maybe I wasn't quite as detached as I thought.

"What are you doing here?" mom snapped, taking a small breath to contain the years of pent up hate and frustration between our two families. "I thought you and Bob would be in Aspen by now."

Something flashed in Laura Newton's face that made the hairs on my neck stand on end. It was something so malignant and evil that I half expected her voice to sound like Darth Vader's when she spoke. "Oh no, Renee, haven't you heard? Mike has finally popped the question to dear Jessica and they intend to get married in January!"

Jessica gulped as her mother-in-law to be yanked her forward to show off the ring; a huge flashy rock set in a gold band. "With the store going so good – even in this economy – and a wedding to plan we just couldn't get away..." Her eyes flashed over to me, a smug smile playing on her lips as she drank in my reaction to the news.

I wasn't going to let her have the satisfaction of seeing me flinch. "That's lovely news," I somehow managed to say, smiling the fakest smile I'd ever conjured onto my face.

"I hope she makes a better wife to him than you did," Laura snarled, obviously going in for the kill.

"Why you….." mom raged, only to have Emily pull her back just in time.

"Mom, not now," I whispered, before turning back to my ex mother-in-law. "Oh, I think she's much better suited for him than I was. After all, they seem to be made of the same fabric." _Both thick as bricks and promiscuous enough to hook up in a moldy supply closet. Yeah, a match made in heaven._

"You're right. You were never the girl for my son." Laura Newton narrowed her eyes at me, obviously miffed that she wasn't succeeding in getting a rise out of me. "I guess I should have known it would end in tears, though, what with your family history." She flashed a malignant smile in Emily's direction who, by the look of her, had been expecting something like that.

I held my breath, waiting for Emily's reaction. Her relationship with Sam hadn't exactly come off without a hitch. When they met and fell in love, he'd been engaged to be married to her cousin – Leah Clearwater, a local girl – and their involvement and the subsequent breaking off of Sam's engagement to Emily had caused a stir in the town that would only be eclipsed my divorce.

When she was in one of her darker moods, Emily had once confessed that she thought that the difficulties she had in carrying a baby full term were her punishment for stealing her cousin's fiancé.

Which was ridiculous.

But also why Laura Newton had decided to hone in o this particular sore spot.

"Laura, dear," Emily spoke in a tone so saccharine it was terrifying, "having been there yourself, I'd have thought you knew better than to piss off a pregnant woman. I may not be up to running or doing back flips but if you insult my family one more time, I might just be tempted to show you what I _can_ still do."

"Typical," Laura Newton spat but it didn't escape my notice how she took a few steps back, her arms shielding her precious Jessica as if she were a little lamb facing a pack of hungry wolves.

"Let's move on, darling," she cooed, making a big show of linking her arm with the poor girl, "we've got a hundred more things to buy for your big day and anyway…..being a Newton you should probably learn not to waste your time on people like them."

All three of us stood gaping as we watched the pair of them disappear into the crowd again.

"Is that woman for real?" Emily gasped.

I snorted. "Believe me, you haven't even seen half of it."

"You're an angel for being able to put up with that sour old crone for so long, Bella," mom chimed in. "If it had been me I would have killed her before the honeymoon was over."

"You become numb after a while," I shrugged, remembering how, really on in my relationship with her son, I'd developed a sort of mental mute switch for the woman; my mind immediately drifting off to my happy place as soon as she started talking. "But if it's all the same to you, I'd really like to go home now and avoid a second run-in with the ex-monster-in-law and the whore."

"That's fine with me," Emily was quick to answer, linking her arm through mine as we started towards the exit, our hands filled with shopping bags. "I can't understand why she's so fond of the girl who was found fucking her son in a supply closet for an extra raise when she was so horrible to you."

I sighed. "I think it's all a matter of control. If Jessica is still the same girl she was when we were in highschool together, Laura will have no trouble exerting her supreme rule over here whereas I….."

"Were raised to have an independent opinion?" mom grinned proudly, her body almost disappearing under the weight of all of the crap she and Emily had bought at _Babies R Us_.

"Exactly," I chuckled.

My happiness at getting away from the modern version of Dante's inferno was short-lived, though, because as soon as we were back on the 101, mom tried another tack.

"How about you tell us about that boy that called for you the other night?" I could see her grin through the rearview mirror and rolled my eyes. "You know? Just to take our minds off the ugly? He sure as hell sounded like a nice, well-brought up young man!"

I shook my head. "Nice try mom!" She and Emily had been hounding me for details ever since that night, though it seemed like they'd kept their promise not to say anything to dad and Sam even in spite of the fact that I'd been somewhat less than forthcoming with information.

"He's not ugly, right?" mom pretended to be shocked.

"No."

"Good." Her eyes left the rearview mirror to focus on traffic. "Because I'd hate for my little girl to fall in love with some ugly guy."

"I think it's so romantic that he called," Emily mused.

"Believe me," I chuckled. "There was nothing romantic about that call. He just wanted to apologize for something that happened while I was in California."

"And he couldn't wait until you were back in New York?" mom asked. "I think that's sweet. He must care a great deal about you to not want to leave stuff like that unresolved."

"He doesn't live in New York, mom," I answered before I could stop myself. _Oh shit._

"He doesn't?" mom was on the chase now. "Then where does he live? Does Alice know him?"

"Alice knows of him and he lives…erm….in Rome?"

"Rome!" Mom and Emily squealed so loud I think they may have heard them all the way back in Seattle.

"But wait a minute….." mom sounded confused. "He didn't sound Italian when I spoke to him."

"That's because he's British," I breathed, knowing that the rest of the drive home would probably be spent dodging questions about Edward.

I wasn't mistaken.

By the time we finally exited the car after dropping Emily and all of her baby stuff off at her home, my head was spinning from all of the questions, mom's insistence to get to know everything I wasn't willing to tell her making me flee into the house as soon as the car rolled to a stop.

"You have to help me dad," I breathed, crashing into the foyer with mom hot on my tail. "Mom's on the prowl and….." The rest of the sentence died on my lips as I entered the living room which, in our absence, seemed to have become the stage for a _Sergio Leone_ kind of standoff.

"He wouldn't leave before talking to you," dad barked, keeping his eyes on my ex-husband, "and as much as I wanted to throw his sorry ass out of this house, it would probably have me up to my elbows in paperwork."

"Mike." I bit my lip, wondering what on earth he was doing in my parents' living room. _What the hell was this? A Newton ambush? Did he have a death wish venturing so far behind enemy lines? _

Mike cleared his throat, looking as ill at ease as I felt. "Can we talk?"

"Back porch?" I offered, leading the way when he nodded, my feet crunching on the deck as I stepped out and turned towards him. "So what do you want?"

"Jessica told me about your run in with my mother," he started, wringing his hands so tightly it must have hurt like a bitch.

"And what?" I snapped. "You came here to rub it in?"

"No,' he smiled uneasily, "actually, I came here to apologize."

A whole three minutes passed before I was able to speak; three minutes spent gaping at him like a complete tool as I tried to find out whether or not he was for real.

_Apologize._

_Michael Nicholas Newton. _

_Those two things were so foreign to each other that I couldn't even put them together in the same sentence. _

_Let alone fathom the fact that Mike – the same guy who let his mommy rule his life – had braved my dad to….._

"Look," Mike spoke, doing that nervous twitching of his mouth he always did when he felt like he was out of his league (a nervous habit I'd grown to hate over the years since most of the times it mean he wanted me to give up something I really loved doing). "I know things between us didn't exactly end well and I know part of that was my fault…."

I narrowed my eyes, feeling that old familiar anger bubble up inside of me. _Part of it? Try _all _of it! _

He went on before I could say something, though. "….but you don't deserve to be treated the way my mother treated you just now. I hope you know Jessica felt horrible about it."

I won't completely successful in holding back my snort. _Yeah, I'm sure Jessica felt horrible about that….among other things. _

Mike," I sighed, trying to get back in command of myself. "I appreciate you coming here to apologize but I really don't think we have anything left to say to each other. What happened, happened and everyone has tried and learned how to deal with it in their own way. There's nothing left to say or do about it so I think it's just best if we all went our separate ways and had as little to do with one another as possible."

Mike smiled sadly. "If that's how you see it…."

"It is," I spoke resolutely. "I hope you and Jessica will be happier together then we were."

He cringed, catching the undertone of my message. "I hope so too, Bells, and I hope you'll be happy in New York. Jessica loves your travel column, by the way. She asked me to tell you it's as if she's on your trips with you."

I managed to force a smile onto my face. "Tell her I said thanks and no hard feeling for this morning."

If there was one thing to be said for Mike, it was that he could take a hint; his body hopping off the back porch and walking around the house – out of sight – as soon as my parting words were spoken.

I leaned back against the house, wrapping my arms around myself even though I wasn't cold. _That was odd._

Speaking to Mike and his mom had been one of the most cathartic moments in my life so far. I'd spent years trying to avoid it – even giving up valuable family moments to do so – but now that the moment had come and gone all I felt was relief.

I'd finally put it behind me.

And I wasn't all that hurt.

"You okay there, baby girl?" dad stuck his head out of the back door.

I frowned, trying to put a finger on my emotions. "Yeah, I think I am."

Satisfied by my answer, the rest of dad's tall, familiar frame emerged. "Up for a walk? I think we have just enough daylight left to do the short trail."

I smiled and nodded. _He knew me so well. _

Walking had always been my thing after an argument or a situation I couldn't find my way out of. The exercise and the scenery always served to put my mind at rest and offered a solution for even the toughest of problems.

"I've missed this," I sighed, stepping onto the path that led straight off our backyard. "You can go for a walk in New York but…."

"It's not the same?" dad chuckled.

I laughed along with him. 'I guess you can say that again."

"Either way, I'm proud of you for making a new life for yourself out there," he mused, his eyes straight ahead as we walked side by side. "I know I may not always have liked it but I see now that it was the right choice….you moving out there."

"It was," I nodded, my hand reaching out to grab his. "Thanks dad."

"So everything's settled now, between you and the Newton boy?" he wanted to know next.

I nodded. "I think we came to an understanding."

"Meaning I can let go a little?"

"Yeah," I chuckled. "You can let go, dad."

"That's good," dad grinned, "and I'm not just talking about you piece of mind, baby girl. I think that one more 'random' sobriety check would have had Bob Newton contacting state authorities about me."

"We can't have that," I smiled, navigating a particular testing piece of slope.

"Nope," dad nodded. "We can't have that."

We followed the path in comfortable silence for a while, stopping now and then to take in the scenery but moving at a steady pace for most of the time. It wasn't until we'd almost reached home that dad spoke again. "So when were you going to tell me about that photographer guy you're seeing? You know…the guy from Rome? What's his name again….. Edward Cullen?"

I almost lost my footing, looking up at him in a state of shock. "H-how do you know?"

"Do you really think your mother would have been able to keep something like that a secret?" he asked incredulously before snorting loudly. "She couldn't even keep her mouth shut about the Christmas present she bought me for longer than five minutes after she'd closed the deal, let alone hold quiet when a strange guy calls for her baby girl!"

"But she only knew his first name!" I cried. He wasn't going to get out of this as easily as that. "Not his last name, not where he lived, not what he did…"

Dad chuckled, rolling his eyes. "Come on, Bells. I'm a cop and armed with the law and google…..well, let's just say there isn't much you can't find out about a person."

"You did a background check on my new boyfriend?' I gasped.

"What?" he asked innocently. "My only daughter is going out with some kind of yahoo who has her looking like the weight of the world is on her shoulders and I'm not supposed to check up on the guy to see if he's safe? Face it, kid, you don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to boys."

"Dad!" I groaned.

"Would it help if I told you his rap sheet's as clean as yours and mine?" he offered. "Sure, from what I've gathered he went around a little and he may have some friends I'd seriously ask him to reconsider….but he's clean."

_If only he knew…_

"You're in so much trouble, dad," I sighed. "I still can't believe…"

"He's good to you?" dad pressed on.

"For the most part." I sighed, knowing this would open the floodgate to more questions. "It's complicated."

Dad chuckled, leaning his back against a moss covered tree. "Tell me about it. When has love ever been uncomplicated. Makes you wonder sometimes why we even bother….."

"How did you make it work?" I asked a sudden epiphany shooting through my mind. "Mom and you? You were both so different and….."

He shrugged. "When you really love a girl – and I loved and love your mom like crazy – you are willing to turn a blind eye to her past; not matter how dubious it may have been."

"You mean you never….."

"Oh, I checked her out alright!" dad chuckled. "In more ways than one."

"Dad!" I cringed.

"I had to," he went on, "I was a young ambitious cop. If I was going to fall in love I was going to be damned if it was it was women who would stand in the way of me becoming the chief of this town, no matter how pretty and amazing she was."

He smiled, his eyes faraway. "I checked her out…that first night, when she was still in the holding cell."

"And what you found didn't make you change your mind?" I inquired.

He shook his head. "Her rap sheet was clean – just like his – and though I knew she'd probably done some things that may have landed her pretty little ass in jail, I knew that – for me – a promise to 'walk the line' for as long as she was with me was worth a darn lot more than all of the stuff she may have done in the past."

"But what if you'd known what she did?" I persisted. "What if some person – some guy – had walked up to you one day and told you all kinds of stuff about mom you didn't want to know?"

"I would have decked him," dad shrugged. "Plain and simple. But would it have mattered? No."

"Really?"

He snorted. "You keep forgetting all about your auntie Marie, baby girl. If ever there was a source of information about your mom before she met me, it's her. And believe me, once she's had a few, there's no stopping her."

I nodded, letting that information sink in. "So it really doesn't bother you?"

"It bothers me, alright," he shrugged, "but I found that where I could live with the bother, or at least pretend it wasn't bothering me, I couldn't live without you mom."

His words shot through my like a shooting star and I cursed myself for never having thought of it like that before.

Could I really live without Edward?

No.

The answer came immediately and resolutely.

I may not have known him for all that long, but his hold on my heart was permanent and unwavering. It was as dad had said: I may, in time, be able to forget about what he'd done in the past but try as I might, I would never be able to forget about _him_.

And suddenly, I couldn't wait to tell him.

"You look like the kinda gall who wants to get home sooner rather than later," dad chuckled, offering me his arm as he pushed away from the tree.

I nodded eagerly. Fortunately, we only had a short walk to go until we reached the back yard again.

Mom was already waiting for us when we got back, her slight frame standing out against the light floating from the porch light. "There you are!" she breathed as soon as we came into view. "I was worried sick!"

I hopped impatiently from one leg to the other, wanting nothing more than to go upstairs and call Edward, as she fussed over us. "You both must be chilled to the bone."

"I'm going upstairs to….to warm up…yeah…it was cold outside." I didn't look back to see my mom's reaction, my hands already fumbling around for my phone and scrolling through my list of contacts, my breath hitching in my throat as I wait for it to ring once….twice….three times before he finally picked up.

"Edward," I breathed, my body heating up from the inside as I sat down on the mattress of my small queen size bed.

"Bella?" His voice was all wonder which didn't surprise me since it was probably late in Italy and I'd only just told him I needed time to think a couple of days ago. "Are you okay?"

I smiled, trying to absorb the warm tone of his voice through the line. "I am now."

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_**Awww! It seems like Bella is finally coming to her senses! Then again, with everything she's gone through in her life, it may not be so strange that she's more on her guard than perhaps she should be. **_

_**Oh and just in case you're wondering…..yes, the Swan Family Christmas is actually rather close to how things went in my extended family until I stepped in and took over from my grandma. What can I say….she's one hot-headed (crazy) woman!**_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	20. The City that Never Sleeps pt5

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**On this beta-appreciation day I would like to take a moment to say an extra thank you to my amazing beta, The Real Teacher, who takes the time to read my ramblings and make them better. This story wouldn't have been what it is without her and for that I can never thank her enough. **_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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**Chapter 17 – The City that Never Sleeps**

_**Because it's too excited to be seeing him again.**_

"Favorite candy?" I smiled, resting my feet on the hard surface of my desk as I sat back in my chair, enjoying the peace and quiet of the empty office space.

A few feet away from me, around the corner, people were still hard at work trying to put together yet another issue of the magazine (and frankly it was the only thing that diminished the creepiness of the empty desks surrounding me to a tolerable level) but with Charlotte and Riley having gone home ages ago and taking most of the other office staff with them, 'my' part of the office was completely empty.

Which made it the ultimate setting for my long-awaited daily phone call to Edward; the perfect way to kill the time until I'd be meeting Rose for dinner in little under an hour.

"That's easy!" Edward's smooth voice answered in my ear. "Humbugs."

I frowned. "Humbugs?"

"They're a sort of mints," Edward explained. "I think you can only get them in the UK because try as I might, I've never been able to find them in Italy or anywhere else. I really miss them."

"That good, huh?"

"Nah." I could almost hear his shrug all the way through the phone. "They just….taste of home, I guess. I think that even if I found some tomorrow, it wouldn't be the same."

"I know what you mean." I nodded. "I've been trying to make my mom's pancakes – the only thing she can cook without burning it – ever since I moved out but even though I follow the recipe to a 't', they never taste the same as when she makes them."

"Exactly," Edward answered. "Okay….my turn."

We'd been playing this game of twenty questions ever since I'd called him the day after Christmas. It had been Edward who'd come up with it, claiming it would be a great way of learning more about each other and getting easier with sharing things….you know, in preparation for the huge stuff neither of us was comfortable discussing over the phone. So far – amongst other things – I'd learned that his favorite color was brown, because of my eyes (I'd spent a solid five minutes gushing over him when he'd said that) and that his favorite breakfast food was porridge (though he'd be happy to get stuck in a stack of pancakes – my favorites – if I'd make them for him) but that he abhorred the tradition of eating baked beans early in the morning. _And thank God for that!_

I smiled, playing with the hem of my sweater. "Let me have it, picture boy!"

"Picture boy?" I could hear Edward was trying to sound indignant but he was having too hard a time trying not to laugh to convince me. "What the fuck, Bella?"

I shrugged, grinning from ear to ear. "You take pictures, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. But picture boy?" he huffed. "That's bloody preposterous!"

"O-kay, I won't call you that again?" I chuckled, rolling my eyes since I knew he wouldn't be able to see it. "Are you going to ask me a question or what?"

"Hmm," he mused. "Favorite band?"

"Didn't you already ask that same question a week ago?" I frowned, trying to remember.

"No, _you_ did," Edward replied.

"Ah, yes," I smiled. "And you followed up with 'favorite food'."

"I was making dinner reservations for our date on Tuesday so it seemed important at the time. God knows I don't want to take you to a fish restaurant when you're allergic to shellfish or can't stand the bloody smell of them!"

"No, we wouldn't want that to happen," I chuckled, "but then again, you already knew I wasn't didn't ya?"

"I assume you're referring to Paris?" he asked. "Yes, that was a pretty lovely evening."

"It was," I nodded. "So are you ever going to tell me what you've planned?"

"You know me better than that, love."

My smiled grew wider at the endearment._ Oh yes, how I wanted to be Edward's love. More than anything. _"But I won't know what to pack!" I pouted. "What if I pack a really pretty dress and you're taking me sky-diving or horse riding or something else? I'd make a complete ass out of myself as well as flash everyone my underwear!"

Edward snorted. "Sky diving? Really? Just pack a pretty little frock, Bella. I promise you there won't be horses or parachutes involved in our date. Just food and maybe a bit of dancing or a midnight stroll if the weather permits it. Your knickers _and_ your arse are quite safe with me."

"That's good to know." The prospect of an evening stroll under London's starry night made me warm up from the inside, my smile growing to an almost painful size when I realized that in just over three days it would be so.

"So: Favorite band?" Edward pressed.

"I don't know?" I tapped my lips, staring at the ceiling as I made a mental inventory of all of the stuff on my I-Pod. "Interpol? Maybe Kings of Leon? There's a lot of stuff I like. Oh and don't forget about Muse. Love them. And the Strokes and some of the oldies…Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix…."

"Wow!" Edward's voice breathed. "Once again you manage to completely amaze me."

"What?" I giggled. "You didn't think a straight laced, goodie-two-shoes kind of girl like me would dig rock music? What did you think? That I kicked it back to Barry Manilow or something?"

"I…dunno?" Edward hedged.

"Oh, my God, Edward Cullen!" I cried. "You didn't take me for a '_fanilow'_, did you? Because if you did, I might have to reconsider calling you my boyfriend!"

"Then in that case: No, I'd never think of you as a Barry Manilow fan. I wouldn't dare."

"Good. I do believe it's my turn again." Before I could think of a question, though, the scrapping of a throat behind me made me almost jump out of my chair, my surprised gasp causing a worried reaction on the other end of the line.

I couldn't put his mind at rest, though. At least, not yet. Not with Jane standing right behind me with that same impenetrable and unreadable look on her face. "Isabella? A word please?"

_How could the woman move without producing any kind of sound at all? The way she just slithered through the office was starting to get quite scary._

I licked my lips, quickly brushing a few hairs that had fallen out of my ponytail during the day behind my ear with my free hand. "Is it okay if I lock up first or do you…."

"No, that's okay." A slight nod and a tight smile and Jane turned on her heals, off to stalk some other poor unsuspecting employee no doubt.

I frowned, mechanically moving my mouse to shut down my computer. _What could she want from me? _

"Isabella?" _Oh, crap! Edward was still waiting to find out what happened. _

"I'm fine. That was Jane, by the way."

"Ouch!" Edward already knew enough about my boss not to look forward to his meeting with her on Monday. "What did she want?"

"She didn't say but I think I've gotta go now." I sighed, wanting nothing more than to say 'screw Jane' and keep talking to him all night long.

"Bummer!" Edward sounded as dejected as I felt. "But it's best not to keep her waiting, right?"

"You got that, mister," I chuckled, remembering his reputation for tardiness. "So how about I call you as soon as I get back tonight?"

"That would be great, love," Edward answered relieved. "Say hello to Rose and Alice for me?"

"Will do," I smiled, our conversation trailing off into that all too familiar moment of silence where be both thought the words but weren't ready to speak them.

_I love you, Edward_.

"I'll talk to you tonight," I finished, listening to his goodbyes before ending the call.

The last two weeks had been the best and the worst where it came to Edward and me. The best because with every phone call and every question I was finding out more and more about him; getting closer and closer to him in the process.

The worst because the closer we got, the more the physical distance between us was growing into a problem; one neither of us had a solution to at the moment.

I sighed, quickly shutting my computer down. _I guess that was just one more thing on the very long list of topics we had to discuss next week in London. _

Knowing there was no way to avoid it, I made my way to Jane's office. The silence and emptiness that a moment ago had been a blessing, now started to creep me out as I wove my way past the empty cubicles and past the two empty desks in the outer office.

"You're here." Jane pursed her lips, her eyes narrowing as she looked over a piece of paper on her desk before signing it and putting it back into the folder it came from. "Good."

"Jane, if this is about just now…" I started, deciding that probably defense was the best mode of attack right now. "I didn't realize you were still here. I thought everyone was home and with me being done for the day and the office being empty I saw no harm in….."

She raised her hand, indicating she'd heard enough. "This isn't about your call, though I would have expected you to know better than to conduct a personal phone call at work. It's so unprofessional." She shook her head, her pursed lips making her seem even more stern as she looked at me from over her reading glasses.

"Oh." I remained standing awkwardly in the doorway, not sure if I should come in and sit down or if this was one of those many occasions where she just wanted to ask something trivial.

"Sit down." A perfectly manicured hand pointed at the chair across the desk from her. _Well, I guess that answered my question._

I swallowed hard, trying to be as elegant as I could as I sat down across from her, all the while still wondering why she'd called me in there.

"You're probably wondering why you're here," Jane asked. _What, was she a mind reader now too?_

I nodded mutely. Of course I knew why _she_ was here when she was supposed to be in London. The office had been in a complete uproar when somehow, upon our return after Christmas, we'd found an almost exact replica of the cover shoot for our upcoming _February_ issue, displayed proudly on the cover of _Vogue_; same model, same setting, same….everything.

In less than five minutes everyone around the office had known what was going on.

Apparently James Rycroft, the photographer who'd executed both cover shoots, had been a former favorite of Jane who'd found himself in the bad books the minute he claimed his independence and cut his ties with the magazine and its editor in chief.

Jane had been very displeased and, of course, she'd expressed her displeasure in the only way she knew: by trying to destroy his career.

Which was probably why James had taken this drastic measure.

No one around the office could say how on earth he'd managed to get Anna Wintour to agree to this scheme but we all knew what it meant: extra work.

Lots of it.

Over the last couple of days Alice and Riley had almost gone insane, trying to come up with a completely new cover story as well as shoot a completely new front. They'd somehow managed to pull it off in a way that made even Jane – who'd flown back the minute the news reached her ears – seem pleased.

"As you know, I'm flying back out to London later tonight?" She didn't wait for me to acknowledge her before she went on. "I have a meeting with Edward Cullen on Monday and I was wondering if you could tell me something about the man to help me get a clear picture of him."

I swallowed hard. _Where the hell was this going? Did she know?_ "What do you want to know?"

Jane sat back, a hint of a smile on her lips as she peered at me from across the desk. "Well, I know the man can take a decent picture; in fact…." She rifled through a stack of documents on her desk to produce one of the pictures Edward had taken for my 'Paris' article. "….I think the boy has got some true talent. But what I want to know, before I invest my time and money into his advancement, is whether or not he could make it…out there, in the real world."

I wasn't quite sure what it was she was asking of me. "Well…..I…..erm…."

Jane rolled her eyes, obviously already regretting her decision to call me in. "Would you call him a professional? Or is he just another one of those self-inflated windbags who think they are going to make it big but get too caught up in the lifestyle to actually work on their career?"

I sucked in a sharp breath, the revelations Chelsea had uncovered and Edward had confirmed suddenly springing to mind. _If I were Jane, I'd want to know that. In fact….I think that was exactly what she was asking about. _

_But he wasn't like that anymore,_ my heart was quick to counter, _he's made a new start; a new life. If you don't tell her, Jane would be none the wiser and Edward all the better._

"I think he'd do very well with whatever challenge you set for him," I spoke, knowing in my heart that it was the truth. "Of course, I've only known him for a short amount of time, but in that time he's shown himself nothing if not professional."

I knew there was a sharp conflict of interest at play there but at that moment I couldn't find it in myself to care- not about the conflict of interest and not about the consequences it would have if Jane found out I was Edward's girlfriend. _Besides, I wasn't really lying, was I?_

"Hmm." A genuine smile broke out on Jane's face and I had the feeling she was inwardly congratulating herself on another one of her 'finds'. "Thank you for clearing that up, Miss Swan."

I nodded, releasing the breath I'd been holding in for as long as I'd been in the office, thinking my dismissal would soon follow.

It didn't.

"Is there something else?" I asked cautiously when, after five minutes, the eagerly anticipated dismissal hadn't come.

"In fact, there is," Jane's measured voice spoke. "I take it you've heard of the Annual Children's Cancer Benefit?"

I nodded. For the last couple of weeks, there'd been no avoiding it. Alice and Rose, who would both be attending the benefit gala, hosted by the Volturi Publishing Group, had been in a complete frenzy, trying to find the right dress and match it with the perfect shoes and accessories for the night.

Really, I couldn't see what was so important about shoes.

They went on your feet, you walked on them, that's it.

"Since your travel section has been such a hit with our readers, I would be very happy to have you in attendance that night," Jane went on, the way she voiced her invitation leaving no doubt that it wasn't so much a choice as an obligation. "Of course Alice will help you find a dress – seeing as it's on such short notice and you'll be picked up in one of the company cars…but there's one more thing I want to ask of you….."

_One more thing?_ I could feel the panic starting to built already at the prospect of having to wade around a ballroom all night, dressed in something that probably cost more than I made in a year while schmoozing with people who were about as different from me as night and day. But apparently for Jane that wasn't enough to ask.

Her eyes lingered on me long enough for me to realize that she required me to speak. "Okay?" I hedged.

"Jacob Black, an artist's we've long been patronizing, will also be in attendance that night," Jane went on, "and I would be very happy if you would take him under your wing and how him a good time….make sure that he's enjoying himself."

I almost choked on my own spit. _Wait a minute….was Jane trying to pimp me out to this Jacob Black guy?_ _Holy mother of clusterfucks! That was just…_

"I d-don't…..I don't know what you mean," I stammered, trying to wrap my head around it. "You want me to go to this function this….."

"Ball," Jane interjected.

"Yes….the ball…..as Jacob Black's…..date?"

She raised her eyebrows, calmly studying me as she removed her glasses from her nose and started wiping them. "Yes, in fact I do. Would that be a problem?"

"Yes….no….Yes….I mean." I was close to hyperventilating, my brain working overtime to come up with a good excuse.

"For Heaven's sake, Isabella!" Jane rolled her eyes, looking at me as if I'd just done something incredibly silly. "I'm not asking you to jump into bed with the guy. I'm merely suggesting the two of you show up to this event together – as _Epicenter_'s new 'dynamic duo' so to speak. Both of you are strangers to these kind of events so by pairing you up you will at least have someone to talk to who feels as out of the loop as you do and besides…"

She leaned her face on her hands, her small, cold eyes boring into mine as she went on, "….from the publicity point of view it will be very convenient to have the two new stars of _Epicenter_ close together….lest there be any confusion."

Ah! So that was what was behind this. She wanted to stake her claim over us before Aro could. "So you just want us together to make sure we won't be 'claimed' by anyone else?"

She nodded. "I take it you have no objections?"

I frowned, not quite sure whether or not I was signing my life away. "I guess….not?"

"Good!" Her genuine (and quite smug) smile made me more afraid than a nest full of vipers would have. "I'll make the arrangements so that you will arrive together."

"Okay." _Why did I just get the feeling that I was signing away my firstborn? _

Jane's smile faded into her business face, a slight hand gesture dismissing me before her words caught up. "That will be all."

I would have run from her office if it wouldn't have opened a whole new can of worms, instead my feet carrying me out of there in a speed walk that could almost reach Olympic standards.

I wasted no time in retrieving my bag from my cubicle, not wanting to push my luck any further than I'd already done that day, choosing instead to head over to the restaurant Rose and I would be meeting for dinner a little early.

I was just nipping from my glass of Chianti, wondering whether or not to call Edward, when the door opened to reveal my friend.

Rose looked a little shaken when she walked over to my table, her self-assured strut faltering every now and then and her confident smile fraying on the edges as she sat down.

"Are you okay, Rose?" I asked, noticing just then how tired she looked.

"I'm fine." She shrugged, hiding her face behind the menu. "I just need a stiff drink and some food and I'll be good as new."

I sighed, knowing a lie when I heard one. "Okay."

The look on her face had me worried. It wasn't like Rose to show weakness, not even on a bad day. Something had to be going on to make her look like that.

"Really Bella," Rose insisted, obviously catching my skepticism. "I just came from my regular gyno check up and, while it's all fine and dandy to make sure everything is in working order, no woman likes to be poked and prodded down there without the prospect of an orgasm to look forward to."

She went back to perusing the menu, the subject being closed as far as she was concerned. And me, I knew better than to push my luck where Rose was concerned. If she said she was fine, I'd just have to take her word on it until she told me otherwise.

As we ordered and waited for our salads, we talked about lighter subjects; Rose sharing a few fresh pieces of gossip she'd picked up along the week and me giving her the rundown of my meeting with Jane.

"She wants you to do what with Jacob Black?" Rose gasped.

"I believe her words were 'show him a good time'," I smirked, remembering how awkward I'd felt.

"What, is she a pimp now too?" Rose snorted.

"That's what I thought!" I giggled. "Though it wasn't exactly what she meant…at least, I think it wasn't. She said something about photo opportunities and wanting to make sure everyone knew we were 'property of Epicenter'."

"Yeah right!" Rose rolled her eyes as she took another sip from her white wine. "If this was just about pissing on your leg to mark her territory against Aro and his grubby little hands, she would have had you wearing a sign or something….."

"So you think..." And there was my old familiar panic again, my body breaking out into a cold sweat at the thought of being 'presented' at this ball like a thoroughbred at a horse show. "But she said…and I told her…."

Rose's eyebrows shot into her hairline. "About Edward?"

"Just that I had a boyfriend," I corrected her.

"I hate to piss on your parade, sweetheart, but as far as Jane's concerned you're unattached until _she's_ found you a suitable candidate," Rose spoke. "You know what she did when Claire showed up with that boy she met at NYU, right?"

I cringed, remembering the story of how Jane had hounded her daughter for as long as it took poor Claire to dump the cute and – as far as we could see it – nice, normal guy she was seeing for the hotshot venture capitalist her mom had picked for her.

They were still together, though I wasn't quite sure if that was because they were genuinely in love or because they were both too scared of Jane to end their relationship. Last thing I'd heard they were planning a springtime wedding in the Hamptons.

"Look," Rose soothed, folding her cool, dry hand over my sweaty, trembling fingers. "I'm not saying she's going to do that to you but I just want you to be prepared for every eventuality. This ball…it could be a great opportunity for you to spread your wings a little. You know? Charm the pants off some of the 'suits' from upstairs and get them to throw more cash your way."

Her smiled turned devious as she sat back again. "Besides…..if Jane thinks she can pair you off with Jakey Black, she's in for a bitter disappointment."

I frowned, not quite catching on. "She is?"

"Oh, definitely!" Rose chuckled. "Come on, Bella: a good-looking and perfectly groomed artist who lives in the village and wears more eyeliner than I do? There's no way that guy is straight."

"Are you sure?"

Rose shrugged. "I once spent a whole evening standing next to him and he didn't even once try to sneak a peek at my boobs – and mind you, I was wearing that hot little blue dress of mine!"

"Okay, then must be gay!" I snorted. "I've seen that dress and…yeah, he would have had to put more effort into avoiding your boobs than acknowledging them!"

Rose arched one of her perfectly crafted eyebrows at me. "Are you calling me a ho-bag?"

"Not to your face," I chuckled, before returning to the topic of conversation. "But you never asked him outright?"

Rose shrugged. "The occasion didn't really allow it."

"So you don't _know_."

"Not one hundred percent certain, no," Rose replied, "but my gaydar is usually fairly accurate. Take Riley for instance. While everyone was still hard at work trying to get the two of you to hook up, I already knew they'd be better off trying to put a square peg through a round hole."

"Wait a minute….." I frowned. "They tried to set me up with _Riley_?"

"Don't look at me!" she chuckled. "Ask Alice! She was the front runner of Team Ignorant."

"Bloody hell!" I breathed, needing a big gulp of wine to get my sense back. Even _I'd_ known from the start that Riley wasn't into women. And that was saying something, _since I wasn't exactly a sage in those kinds of things. _

"Bloody hell?" Rose snorted, almost spitting on her wine. "I do believe that Englishman of yours is rubbing off on you, Miss Swan!"

I snickered, letting my thoughts drift to Edward for a moment. _Now if only I only I'd get him to rub off on me in a whole different way._

Preferably naked.

"If you want to get away with thinking dirty little thoughts while in the company of others, Miss Swan," Rose teased, mimicking Jane's voice with an eerie accuracy, "you're going to have to learn how to hide it better. One could spot your blush from a mile's distance."

I gulped, almost choking on my food as I could feel the heat from my cheeks spreading over the rest of my body like a wildfire.

Rose chuckled, sitting back as she sipped on her wine. "Care to share with the class?"

With all the talking we'd been doing over the last couple of weeks, the prospect of having sex with Edward didn't scare me as much as it used to do. Sure, I was still terrified I'd somehow fall short of the mark or something but apart from that….I was ready.

The past couple of months had changed both of us. I wasn't the broken, scared little girl in the Ivory Tower anymore (well, I was still scared as fuck but not so broken anymore) and he'd come a long way from the broody, closed off drifter he'd been when we first met up in Rome.

We both still had a long way to go before we would be hole again – I knew that as well as he did - but for now…..we were ready.

I felt it.

In everything.

And I think he felt so too.

At least, if his decision to book one room instead of two was anything to go by.

"Oh yes," Rose teased, waving a hand in front of my eyes. "I do think that Englishman of yours has quite taken over your brain."

I arched my brow. _Tease me, Rose? Well, two could play that game._

"We've been talking a lot since Christmas," I shrugged with a fake absentmindedness as I broke off a piece of bread, using it to scoop up a bit of dressing that remained on my plate as I went in for the kill. "How are things going between you and Emmett?" I grinned, watching as Rose's face registered a look of shock for one sweet second before pulling into a scowl.

"I told you there's nothing going on between the two of us," she snapped, stabbing another piece of lettuce onto her fork with a ferocity that was kind of scary.

Kind of.

"No?" I asked.

She looked up at me; fierce and determined. "Absolutely not."

I shrugged, paying fake attention to my own, half eaten salad. "Could have fooled me."

"What?" Rose huffed, her eyes narrowing. There was something of a panicky look in them, though, that made me wonder….

"I don't know?" I mused. "For someone who's not interested in any way, you sure as hell spent a lot of Jasper's New Year's Eve party staring at his ass." In fact, it had been kind of fun, watching those two hover around each other like the two poles of a magnet; Emmett watching Rose with rapt adoration and Rose trying a little too hard not to pay any attention to the guy. It reminded me of Alice and Jasper a few years ago.

"I. Did. Not!" Rose snarled.

"Come on, Rose," I chuckled. "I may not have the torrent of sexual experience that you have under your belt but I know a good flirting session when I see one!"

"Fine!" she surrendered. "I may have let my eyes drift to his fine ass a few times during the night but that doesn't mean I'm head over heels for the guy. I don't want him and I never will, so leave it alone."

There was something in her voice that made me drop it; something that told me Rose was close to reaching her breaking point. "Do you want to get desert?" I asked, changing the subject to something lighter. "We could split a slice of pecan pie?'

"Nah," Rose shook her head, the shutters slowly coming up again. "I think I'll have some popcorn at the cinema. For some reason I'm really craving that stuff today."

"And you can't have both?" I smiled, making use of the waiter, coming to pick up our empty plates, to order myself a slice.

"And loose this figure?" Rose snorted, waving her hands over her killer body. "If I eat some pie now and popcorn later, I'm going to have my mother's voice in my ear all night, nagging about how no-one's going to love me if I grow old and fat and ugly."

Rose shrugged, her mouth pursing into a hard line as the waiter came back with my dessert. "Sometimes I really hate my mom."

I knew there was no love lost between Rose and her parents. They'd been rich, I knew that much, setting their daughter up with a nice Upper East Side loft and a cushy trust fund in the bank, but I had the feeling that for all their money, there had been little love to go around in that family.

It made me all the more proud of mine.

I made quick work of my pie, Rose helping me out with a few small bites, before we got the check and headed over to the cinema where Alice was already pacing in front of the entrance with her phone glued to her ear.

"Yeah….no…..of course not!" When she spotted us she rolled her eyes mouthing 'mom'. "No, mom, you saw him yourself.…Oh, no, come on! That's none of your business and you know it!"

"Marie fishing for details on Alice's sex life again?" Rose snickered.

I smiled, looking at Alice who was getting more worked up by the minute. "Sounds like it."

"_Goodbye_, mom!" Alice snarled, ending the call and letting out a dramatic sigh before she pocketed the device and joined us.

"What did the lovely Marie want to know that has you so worked up?" Rose asked.

"Don't ask." Alice shuddered.

"You should totally tell Rose, "I grinned, knowing what was going to come next. "It's a great story!"

Of course I'd heard the story as soon as I got back, three days after Christmas, and from none other than Jasper himself. I'd spent a good ten minutes laughing my ass off…that was, until Alice had reminded me that my mom was probably going to do the same the minute I took Edward over there to introduce him to my folks.

Yeah, as if the police-chief-dad wasn't enough to be scared about.

Of course Alice's hesitance to share her story didn't stop Rose. It only urged her on. "Do tell," she lisped, her eyes shining with their usual fierceness as she leaned into Alice, hanging on my cousin's every word.

"You know I took Jasper over to meet my parents for Christmas, right?" Alice started, running a hand though her hair as she waited for us to nod. "Well my mom was so taken with him that she proceeded to 'accidentally' walk in on Jasper every chance she got."

"No she didn't!" Rose's eyes grew to an unhealthy shape as she clasped her hand in front of her mouth.

I grinned. "She totally did!"

Alice nudged me, her eyes glaring as she went on. "Of course my mom acted all innocent and apologetic in front of Jasper, claiming that she'd gotten so used to having the house for herself that she forgot there might be a half naked boy on the other side of the room but she didn't trick me with her amateur theatrics….she was so totally trying to check out my man's goods."

"That's just nasty!" Rose giggled. "And yet….your mom sounds kinda cool at the same time."

"Just wait until you find your mom trying to sneak into the bathroom when she damn well knows your boyfriend is in there having a shower!" Alice grumbled.

"You see?" Rose grinned triumphantly. "That's why I don't date. It saves a girl an awful lot of hassle."

They followed me as I got us tickets for _The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo_, Rose fishing for details and Alice grumbling replies as we got provisions and settled into our seats.

"Thanks for being no help at all, Bella!" Alice sneered. "I hope one day to be able to return the favor!"

"Shhh!" I giggled as the lights came off. "Movie's starting."

Alice rolled her eyes, grumbling something I couldn't hear as she grabbed a handful of popcorn from me.

_What the fuck are you looking at?_

I whipped my head around right on time to see a very familiar face on screen. "Oh my God! Is that….."

"Yup!" Alice grinned, smiling like a proud mother hen.

"Emmett." The name fell from Rose's lips with a soft sigh, her eyes transfixed on the larger than life Emmett prancing around in his Calvins (and nothing more) on screen.

_You can look but no touching….._

"Wow!" I breathed.

"He looks good, doesn't he?" Alice nodded. "He told me he'd landed this account a few weeks ago but I didn't think it would hit the screen so fast. They must have been really pleased with his work."

_Do you like looking at my….._

I glanced sideways again to see Rose still frozen like a marble statue as she gaped at the screen, her mouth hanging over and one hand over her heart as in front of us the Calvin Klein commercial came to its climax.

_What the fuck have you got on? _

"Ready to change your mind about dating models?" I whispered, leaning into Rose.

She let out a shaky laugh, her face looking rather flushed as she turned towards me. "Maybe."

I grinned, stealthily bumping fists with Alice, who was seated on my other side, as in front of us some boring random commercial for an ugly car rolled on.

Maybe there was still a chance we'd get those two together after all.

**oOo**

Later that night, back in the safety of my bedroom, I made myself comfortable on my loveseat, a glass of Merlot on the table next to me as I dialed.

"Hey." His voice sounded grainy and muffled as he picked up.

"Oh, fuck!" I gasped. "Were you asleep? I completely forgot about the time difference."

"Don't worry," he chuckled, his voice slowly coming back from rough denim to that smooth velvet that I'd grown to love so much. "I knew you were going to call, right? I just dozed off, that's all."

_Dozed off, my ass! If it was eleven over here….._I quickly did the math in my head. "It's four in the morning, Edward! No person has any business being awake at this hour of the day."

"I beg to differ, sweetheart!" I could almost feel Edward's smile, the absence of the visual making me miss him all the more. "The dead of night is when I do my best work."

"Is that so?" I sang, catching a little undertone of double entendre.

His voice was pure honey when he answered me. "You seem unconvinced! I'm hurt."

I bit my lip, trying to muster strength I wasn't sure I possessed. "I..erm….." _Come on, Bella. You're a grown woman with a hot sexy boyfriend on the other end of the line. You can do this. _"I guess I would have to see you in action in I want to be convinced."

"See it?" Edward crooned, his voice pouring though the receiver like liquefied sex. "Or would you rather _feel_ it?"

I gulped loudly, my body squirming against the rush of desire coursing though me. "I guess…yeah, I guess that would be even better," I managed to squeak out.

"Only three more days, love," he chuckled, sounding a little more smug. "Three days until you're all mine."

"I can't wait," I breathed, fanning myself. I missed him….so much. And moments like these, when he would hint at the time we would be together again. They made the pain so much worse… "I miss you…so much."

Only three more days.

"Me too, love." He sighed loudly. "I can't wait to have you back in my arms."

"And in your bed?"

"Fuck, Bella!' he groaned. "You're killing me here!"

"S-sorry," I muttered.

"Don't apologize, sweetheart. I love it when you're like that….when you speak up and let me know you want me as much as I do." Another sigh. "It's just that….I _want_ that. I _want_ you in my bed. It fucking _kills_ me not to have you in my bed….every bloody night."

I swallowed hard. "That's good…to hear."

I could hear his breath on the phone when he exhaled, probably smoking his umpteenth cigarette of the day…or night. "If only you knew how much I want you, Isabella, how much I _crave_ you."

"I think I have an idea," I whispered. If his craving was anywhere as bad as mine was….Well, it was pretty bad.

"Let's just change the subject, shall we?" Edward offered. "Before we both break out in tears."

"Okay," I smiled. _He knew me so well._ "You wanna know what Jane wanted to talk to me about?'

"Yes, please!" he replied eagerly, his laughter filling the air as I gave him the play by play of my conversation with Jane.

"So… what?" he concluded. "She wants you and this Jacob Black guy to mate or something?"

"Oh, shut up!" I snorted, knowing he was trying to get a rise out of me. "She probably doesn't mean anything by it but I got this really weird vibe….you know?"

"But your friend Rose thinks he's gay, right?" he checked.

"Yep."

"Good."

I frowned. "Good?"

"Bella!" Edward scolded. "I'm going crazy out here, trying not to think of all the guys out there in New York, trying to steal you away from me. Just thinking that your boss is trying to sick this guy on you…it makes my blood boil!"

"Oh," I breathed. _I guess I didn't look at it like that before._

"Knowing he's gay?" he went on. 'Yeah. That definitely helps."

"Okay," I squeaked. "You're wrong, though."

"About what?"

"About all those guys trying to steal me away." I shrugged. "I don't attract that much attention, to be honest. Really, I'm not that special."

He huffed. "You obviously don't see yourself clearly."

I sighed, not feeling all that comfortable with the direction our conversation was heading into. So I decided to change it. "What did _you_ do after we got off the phone?"

"I called my mum."

I gasped. The words came out so easy but they were such a breakthrough. "You called her?"

He chuckled. "I couldn't bloody well show up there without letting her know first, could I?"

I shook my head, knowing his tough act just for what it was: an act. "What did she say?"

"Nothing," he snorted. "Well, not at first. I think she was too busy picking her jaw off the floor to say anything."

"But then?" I was starting to get a little impatient.

"I think she was happy I called," he spoke, his relief clear in his voice. "It was awkward at first….but I think we made some headway. Anyway…she invited me to go over there on Monday to talk."

"That's great, Edward!" I breathed. I knew that since their talk in Florence, Edward and his dad had kept in contact but his mom….I had the feeling that there was still a lot of pain between the two of them.

"I hope so," he chuckled. "I mean, it can't get any worse than the last time we met, can it?"

I smiled, shaking my head. "Probably not."

"And even if she kicks me out again….I know I have you to come home to," he added.

I could feel my heart beating in my chest as I fought the tears from leaking out. "You've got that right. I'll be right there for you when you get back."

"I can't wait." His voice sounded as laden with emotion as mine when he answered.

"Yeah," I smiled, looking around my room, noticing only then how it suddenly didn't feel as much as 'home' as it used to, "neither can I."

_Only three more days. _

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_**Not much longer until they're together again. I promise. **_

_**If you haven't already seen Kellan/Emmett's Calvin Klein ad, you should. No really. What are you waiting for? It can be found on my blog. **_

_**What's your favorite candy? At the moment mine is peanut brittle but it changes. **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Review and I'll tease ya. **_


	21. The Big Smoke

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Since The Real Teacher is incredibly busy at the moment, this chapter comes to you unbeta'ed. Please excuse any mistakes that slipped my notice. **_

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_**Happy Labor Day to all Americans and happy Monday (if there's such a thing) to everyone else. **_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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**Chapter 18 – The Big Smoke**

_**Where the prodigal son finally returned.**_

Chances.

In life, it was all about chances.

I smirked, both from the cold of the water splashing into my face and the weight of the pressure riding on the day ahead of me. This was definitely a make or break type of day.

I could make or break my career.

I could make or break my chance at making things right with my mum and dad.

I could make or break my chance – and I had a pretty solid feel that this would be my final chance – at showing Bella I was more than just the worthless pillock who kept on hurting her.

I looked up, my face still as pale as it always had been though there was no denying the bluish I-haven't-slept-all-that-well-lately marks under my eyes and the greenish I'm-so-bloody-nervous-I-could-throw-up tint to my skin.

Yep. In hindsight it may not have been the brightest of ideas to plan all of these huge, life-defining meetings on the same day.

It had seemed a good idea at the time – get all the hugely important meetings out of the way and then go back to the hotel where my girl would be waiting for me – but right now I was beginning to wonder whether or not I'd been out of my mind when I'd set it all up.

"You can do this, Cullen!" I growled at my reflection. "You know you can!"

My eyes narrowed, trying to fake resolve as I snatched the towel off the railing and started drying my face. "Now quit being a spineless little bed-wetter and grow a pair!"

With that I pushed away from the washbasin, throwing the towel on the counter as I walked into the cozy little hotel room that would be my – _our_ – home for the next couple of days.

A small smile – the first of the day – broke through as I looked around, knowing the next time I'd enter this room Bella would be here.

_Who would have thought that would ever happen?_

_Not me._

_Especially not back in December when she wouldn't even talk to me. _

When Bella called me on Boxing Day I thought it was the end. After she'd found out about my past in the way no girl wants to find out about her boyfriend's past – a past that probably involved just about everything her police chief daddy had always warned her about – there was no way she'd ever give me the time of day again.

I'd been mistaken.

Of course Bella had been pretty pissed off – and probably still was – about the way things had gone. She must have felt so humiliated that day; learning all of that stuff from a conceited little slapper like Chelsea Barnes.

Oh yeah, I remembered that girl.

Or at least the parts of our interaction when I'd not been completely spaced out on coke or drink. She was part of the Berlin crowd back in the day when I was still all drugged up and not giving a fuck about who I fucked, always hovering around the guys like some twisted little Boho groupie.

Collectors, we called them. To her, every guy she shagged was just another little notch on her bedpost as she tried to work her way through the entire group. And all of that just for the sake of being able to say she'd fucked him if one of us happened to become famous.

It had been the worst kind of girl to spring on Bella.

And still my girl had somehow managed to find it in her heart to forgive me.

As if I didn't love her enough already.

Yeah, I loved her.

I was completely and utterly besotted with her. I could finally admit it to myself and not completely spazz out about it.

Well, not too much.

The truth was, though, that as much as I loved her, the idea of what that could do to me still scared me to death. In the most masculine kind of way of course.

I'd been down that road before with Vicky and though I knew that Vicky and Bella were completely different women – in fact, it felt like blasphemy to even put their names together in a sentence – the power Bella held over my heart was no less than the one Vicky had wielded back in the day.

A power that could destroy me, even more so than Vicky had done, because with Bella…..everything was so much more intense, so much more full on.

But that wasn't all.

From the first time I'd started to notice girls my dad had instilled me with a strong notion that with being in love also came a big responsibility to act and plan to secure the happiness and wellbeing of the person you were in love with. Being in love meant being part of something bigger than yourself and with the way things were between us…

Let's just say that if my past actions were anything to go by, I really sucked at being in love.

I smirked, stepping into the most fancy pair of trousers I owned as I thougth about the way things had gone between us up to this point. I was lucky enough – a luck I still wasn't sure I deserved – to have her take me back this time but I knew I wasn't going to get a fourth shot of convincing her I was the right man for her.

The trouble was, though, I still wasn't completely convinced I was.

Right for her, that was.

I knew she was right for me – hell, I knew she was the only girl on the face of the earth I could ever fancy myself growing old with – but with every step of the way, every cock-up of mine she forgave and every time she made me smile or just opened my eyes to something I'd never noticed before, I knew that she was so much better than I was .

She was an angel and for some incomprehensible reason she'd decided to demean herself by consorting with the likes of me.

For now.

Because deep down I knew there was only so much crazy a girl like Bella could take before she ran off in search of some strong, stable New York investment banker or some other random dude who could give her all the stuff I could never provide.

"Stop thinking like that, you pussy!" I scowled, almost chocking myself as I pulled my tie too damn tight. "You're not going to ruin a bloody good thing – the only good thing in your life right now – by over thinking shit."

_No. _I yanked on my tie, trying to get it to fall down my chest in a straight line as I pulled on the not too shabby looking jacket I'd found in a thrift shop in a back alley somewhere close to my apartment.

I was going to make this work.

I was going to be the man she wanted me to be.

I was going to work my ass off to be worthy of her – in every damn way of the word.

Even if it killed me.

"I'm going to do this," I muttered, grabbing my messenger bag with my portfolio and my camera (just in case Mrs. Livingston wanted to see me in action) and rushing out of my room without another thought. _It was a good thing too because thinking would only lead to over thinking and maybe even questioning why I was talking to myself like a complete nut case._

Walking out on the road I couldn't but be a little weirded out at being back in London again; the place I'd once intended to spend my whole life but fled away from over five years ago.

Nothing had changed.

At least, not as far as I could see.

It was strange how a portion of time as substantial as five years had done nothing to change the faces of the people milling about the streets or the stately (and slightly ridiculous) black cabs weaving through the ever congested streets. There may have been a few more people bonkers enough to brave all of that traffic on their bikes (rather them than me) but as far as changes went, that was pretty much it.

Looking up at the sky – overcast but not looking as if it was going to rain anytime soon – I decided to forgo re-familiarizing myself with the London tube and cross the park on foot – the sheer notion of being strapped in a little moving steel cylinder God knew how many feet underground almost making me break out in hives.

I'd never liked undergrounds – or airplanes for that matter. It wasn't in my nature to allow myself to be trapped and completely at the mercy of someone or something else.

Besides, it hadn't exactly helped that I'd been on my way to Kings Cross station – on my way to take the very same Circle Line that got hit – that day, July 7th 2005, when terrorist attacks hit London in its very heart.

I shook my head, remembering the mixture of shock, horror, relief and guilt I'd felt that day. _If I hadn't gone back because I'd left my notebook at the library I would have been on that train. _

Where walking the streets had felt like a strange experience, being back in Hyde Park felt almost surreal. After all, growing up in Barnes before moving into student digs in Camden, I hadn't spent all that much time in Bayswater – not enough for the place to feel familiar at least.

Hyde Park, on the other hand…..Up until the moment where things went tits up in my life, I'd spent nearly every sunny Sunday hanging out in that park with my mum and dad and my baby sister. When we were little, mum would make an effort to drag us kicking and screaming to some museum in the morning to look at pretty pictures neither Bea nor I had any interest in seeing, before spending the afternoon in the park picnicking, playing games, listening to whatever nutcase had claimed the soap box at Speakers Corner and just hanging out and enjoying the sun.

Looking around me as I entered the park, my eyes immediately caught places associated with those memories: the tree I'd been sitting against reading Kerouac on one of our last outings, the pond my twelve year old self had almost dropped my two year old sister in when I tried to help her feed the ducks, the wide sand path – or 'rotten row' as it was called – cutting through the park where Bea has stood waiting for the horses and carriages I'd fooled her into thinking would pass…

I smiled, remembering how good my life had been back then, before it all got tainted by _her_.

Vicky.

She never wanted to come to these afternoons and since I was so caught up in her that I didn't want to spend any time apart from her except form when I absolutely had to, I did the dumbest thing in my life and stopped coming, choosing instead to spend my Sundays holed up in my digs smoking weed with her and her lowlife friends when I could have been out here, in nature, keeping in touch with the people who loved me for who I was instead of what I was (or what they thought I would be).

I hated her and her friends – looking back on it, five years later, I could say that with absolute clarity – but most of all I hated myself for allowing myself to become a person I didn't even recognize.

For allowing them to lead me on a path I'd spent years trying to get off.

For allowing myself to become estranged from everyone who ever matter to me.

For breaking me.

I'd shown a true weakness of character back then; a fatal flaw that allowed me to turn my back on everything I ever through was true and just and doing the exact opposite just because I was weak and in love and blind….and because I could.

And here I was, five years later, still wondering whether or not it had just been a fluke or whether that weakness was ingrained into my soul and destined to ruin everything good that came into my life.

But I couldn't think about that, not at that moment and not if I wanted to have any shot at success with this Jane Livingston character.

And from what I heard she was quite a character.

Over the past couple of weeks, Bella had tried her damndest to school me in all things Jane; pointing out what her boss liked and hated in a prospective employee and how she would expect me to act.

Still, as my feet halted in front of the _Berkeley Hotel_ and I looked up at the enormous, limestone colossus of opulence, I didn't feel all that prepared to be honest.

In fact, I imagined I must have felt just about the same that first day my mum dropped my off for my first day at Nursery School. The snooty look the doorman gave me as I walked past him didn't help and neither did the fact that I had to announce my visit like I was going in to see the bloody queen.

"Do you have an appointment?" the receptionist at the front desk ask me, trying her best to retain that haughty look that everyone walking around the place sported even though I caught her more than once checking me out when she thought I wasn't looking.

"Edward Cullen?" I looked back at her to see if the name rang any bells. "I have an appointment with a Mrs. Jane Livingstone."

"Ah, yes," she nodded, flashing me what was probably supposed to be a stealthy, flirty smile. "They are waiting for you upstairs. If you'd like to take the elevator up to the fifth floor, I'll let them know you're coming."

"Thanks." My smile was too tense to carry any weight as I turned back towards the elevators, trying very hard not to think about how my future was riding on the next couple of hours.

When I exited the elevator, the first thing I noticed was a woman frantically pacing up and down in front of Jane's room, her eyes lighting up the minute she saw me emerge. "Edward Cullen?"

I nodded, adjusting the strap of my bag to make me look like a professional instead of like some snotty schoolboy on a sixth grade school trip.

"You're to go straight in," she announced. "Jane's still on the phone but she'll be with you as soon as she's done."

For all intents and purposes the poor woman looked and acted like a robot – a scared one, though. Not a hair or button was out of place or a word spoken that could be interpreted as an insult or even a thinly veiled sneer. She looked like she'd been cooked up somewhere in a lab in Stepford as the businessman's perfect accessory to his Stepford Wife. From what Bella told me I knew she was Jane's secondary assistant, temporarily promoted because Rose had other stuff to do that prevented her from tagging along on this trip. This must have been one of her first big assignments.

It would explain the nerves.

"Wouldn't it be better if I just waited out here?" I asked.

The woman looked as if I'd just dropped my pants and took a dump right there on the landing. "No, I remember she told me…" she spoke in an increasingly panicked voice.

"It's okay," I halted her, barely resisting the urge to roll my eyes. "I'll go in."

The poor woman breathed a sigh of relief; the first genuine emotion (maybe aside from fear) I'd seen her betray, as I walked up to the door and pushed it open to find a luxury suite, empty apart from the sounds of a lively, one-way conversation going on in the en-suite bedroom.

The fierce nod of the robot-assistant made me walk in, even though it felt kind of odd to encroach on someone's privacy like that, the increasing ferocity of the call making me regret my decision to comply with Jane's wishes almost immediately.

"I don't care if those chairs don't come in black," her sharp voice preceded her before she marched into the room. "You tell them to get me those damn folding chairs in black or they are going to lose one of the biggest clients they have."

It was clear from the way she was moving that Jane wasn't aware I was in the room and with the way she was acting – all pent up rage and hostility – I wasn't all that keen on making my presence known. So I stuck to my safe corner, using my obscurity to study the woman I hoped was going to be my new boss like a screwed up version of David Attenborough.

Bella had been right. Though Jane Livingston was so small you could almost step right over her and never notice, there was something about that woman that made her scary as shit. It might have been the larger-than-life personality that made her appear like she was twice the size she actually was, or the way she looked; an appearance that looked like it had been cooked up in some sort of military lab. Whatever it was, though, it was nothing if not effective.

She was a predator, there was no escaping it, the kind of woman who ate reporters for breakfast and editors for lunch. And as I stood there, cautiously waiting for her to notice me, I couldn't help but wonder if I would be her perfect, bite sized idea of elevenses.

She paused at the window, her shoulders set firm as she listened to whatever poor soul was on the other end of the line. "Is that so?" she finally barked. "Then you run your pretty little ass upstairs and ask my stepfather how many times that deadbeat brother of mine has organized a ball before. I'll tell you: none!"

With that she snapped her phone shut and threw it onto the sofa, shaking her head as she muttered, "Why on earth does nobody do as they are told anymore? Is it really so hard to follow directions?"

I scrapped my throat, not really wanting her to notice me but knowing that standing here without doing something to get her to notice me would make me out to be a complete pussy. "Mrs. Livingston?"

Her head shot up, her eyes narrowing as they zeroed in on me before her lips pulled into a small, tight smile that was just about as opposite from comforting as you could get. "Ah, you're here."

I nodded. "They told me to come in and…"

"Finally someone who understands the importance of punctuality," she muttered, cutting straight through my apology.

I snickered. _I'm sure Bella would have a thing or two to say about that._

"Look," she went on, her smile gone as she looked at her watch, "as charming as you undoubtedly are, I have no time to waste on pleasantries. There's a three o clock flight out of Heathrow this afternoon and I intend to be on it so let's make this snappy."

"O-okay." I swallowed, taking the seat her bony fingers pointed at. _Bella hadn't been kidding about her, that much was for sure. _

She folded her body into a lounge chair that seemed too large for her small, almost ferrety body. "I take it you've got your portfolio with you?"

I nodded, taking the black binder that housed the best of my work out of my messenger bag. "It's organized chronologically, to give you a good idea of my development through the years."

"Hmm." She pursed her lips, looking at the binder as if it was a fresh pile of vomit for a few moments before she hesitantly and almost reluctantly started to rifle though it. "Yes, no surprises here…"

I frowned, wondering why she'd gone through all the trouble to set up this meeting when it looked like she was about as interested in me and my work as she would have been in having a colonoscopy. "Is there something wrong?"

"No," she replied, her voice clipped and measured. "Your pictures are just as good as I expected them to be, which is why I wonder why I even bothered to look at them in the first place."

_Okay, this was definitely not going as I thought it would. _"Do you want me to show you something else?" I tried, nervously licking my lips.

"No…no." She shook her head, a hint of one of the creepiest smiles I'd ever witnessed playing on her lips. "I think I've seen enough."

"Oh," I breathed, having no bloody idea how to act. "Okay."

She sat back, her face showing a fascinated curiosity that reminded me somehow of this documentary on praying mantises I'd seen on Discovery Channel a couple of days ago. _I'd be damned of that female hadn't looked at her mate like that just before she snagged off his head._

My nerves, combined with the stifling atmosphere and the mother of all uncomfortable silences that had fallen over the room, made me seriously rethink being there. That was, until she poke. "I want to offer you a two-year position at Epicenter."

My head snapped up towards her so fast I was afraid I'd pulled a muscle. Not that I cared at that moment. "What?"

"You will offer your work exclusively to us and give us the right to edit your material as we see fit," she went on. "I've taken the liberty of having my lawyers draw up a contract."

Her bony hands slid a heavy manila envelope across the table. "Have a look. It's all in there."

I did as I was told, half afraid that if I wouldn't she was going to reach across the table and slap me. _It wouldn't have surprised me if she did._

"You will get your assignments from Kai Grindlewald, the creative director of the magazine," she pressed on, "and though at times you will be required to do some portrait photography, your work will mostly consist of capturing news from all around the world that will appeal to our American audience and presenting it in a photo report that is in keeping with the style and standard of the magazine."

I nodded. _This seemed almost too good to be true. _"Do I get a say in the topic matter?"

She paused, her eyes narrowing as she studied me. "You can make suggestions but ultimately the decision will be made in New York."

"Fair enough." I went back to perusing the folder, seeing all sorts of words and clauses and numbers that completely freaked me out. _Bloody hell! How was I ever going to make sense of this? I could be signing over my firstborn to the Wicked Witch of the West and not know it with all this legal mumbo jumbo!_

"I demand exclusivity," she snapped, making me look up from the document. "It's all in the papers but I wanted you to be in no doubt of what that means. The rest….I supposed it could all be debated if you see a necessity to do so."

I nodded, already having seen the clause in the contract. "I know….."

"You look like a bright kind of man, so I'm sure you've done the digging and found out by now what my patronage can do for you." She sat back, looking rather pleased with herself as she waited for me to nod my assent. "Honor this contract and you will become a household name."

Her mouth pulled into a hard line, making me somehow suspect that she expected more enthusiasm from me or something. _Wait? Was I supposed to genuflect or drop down and kiss her feet in a full on worship? There wasn't anything in the contract about that, was there?_

"I…er….I really appreciate….." I started to stammer.

My fumbling made her lips pull into a mocking smirk as she held up her hand, putting an end to my blatant display of inadequacy. "Don't take me for a fool, though. I was already running my first headline article when you were still in diapers. I've been around the block more times than I care to remember and I know every trick in the book."

Her eyes seared into me, making me unconsciously shrink in my chair and fumble with the collar of my shirt, trying to get enough air into my lungs while she droned on. "If you so much as think about breaking this contract, I will know. And if you do, I will personally make sure you will never sell another picture again."

I swallowed hard, feeling my Adam's apple bob up and down in my throat as I tried my damndest not to show my fear. "Right."

I nervously licked my lips, my fingers mechanically turning the pages of the contract even though my mind was far too busy to take any of it in_. God I needed a smoke!_ Being in the same room as this woman was making me feel all kind of suffocated. It was like her mere presence sucked all light and happiness out of the room.

No wonder Bella had been so glad – well, after her initial freak out – to trade her desk for an airplane. Fancy being stuck in an office with _that_ one all day! I'd go completely bonkers and stab her with a letter opener well before lunch.

But then again, I didn't have Bella's sweet, kind nature.

The thought of my girl, and more specifically, the thought of being with her in a couple more hours made wonder what this offer would mean for her.

I knew she'd be happy for me and I had a feeling that as much as I liked to think that I'd earned this opportunity all on my own, she had probably had as much a hand in it as I had, but on the flipside I knew that taking this offer would mean that I could jeopardize what little time we could spend together.

Besides, I didn't like the idea of Bella traipsing around Europe with some other photographer one bit. I frowned as I rifled through the impressive stack of papers, trying to see if there was anything in the pages that could shed some light on the matter.

"Yes?" Jane's voice sneered impatiently.

"I….erm…..I was wondering about my work with Miss Swan?" I stammered. "Could I still….."

"That goes without saying." Jane's cool blue eyes gazed at me like they were questioning my mental faculties. "It's not my intention to waste good money on hiring someone else to take over the job when we've got someone who is more than able do it already on our payroll. You will arrange your new work around Isabella's trips."

"Good." I somehow doubted that her words were meant to be construed as anything but a direct order but I felt the need to express my approval none the less.

As I went back to studying the contract, I started to notice Jane shift in her seat; impatience rolling off her in big, hostile waves the longer I took. "I take it you find everything in order?" she sneered, when apparently she couldn't bear the silence any longer.

"I don't…." I scratched the back of my head, trying to figure out how to ask for more time without pissing her off. "I think I'll need some time to take a good look at all of this and think things over…."

"You need more time." Her mouth was pressed into a hard line, her eyes glaring back at me.

I tried to swallow the discomfort I felt, my throat dry and painful. "It's a big decision?" I hated sounding like a pussy in front of a woman like that but I couldn't deny the effect she had on me. _Blimey! That woman made my bollocks want to crawl back inside my body for safety!_

She pursed her lips even further, seemingly dissatisfied with my answer. _Did she really expect me to jump up and turn a cartwheel at the prospect of handing her my bollocks on a silver platter? _"I expect to hear your answer by the end of the week."

I nodded, wanting to at least let her know I was eager yet a little scared. "You'll have it."

"Very well," she let out a deep, dramatically malcontented sigh as she rose from her chair. "That will be all."

And just like that she marched out of the room into the adjoining bedroom without as much as a glance backwards.

From my conversations with Bella, I knew that this meant my presence in the room was no longer required and since I didn't want to piss my new boss off before I'd even signed the bloody contract (because let's face it, it was going to happen no matter how much I'd convinced myself I still needed to have a good, long think about her offer) I hastily shoved my stuff back into my messenger bag and took my leave, noting with no small amount of relief that the robotic Stepford assistant was no long patrolling the corridor.

One down, one to go.

Stepping into the elevator a huge chunk of the weight that had been on my shoulders slowly started to drop and with it, I could feel my lips pulling into a victorious grin. _I'd done it. _

In just over half an hour, I had somehow managed to convince Jane Livingston, one of the great names in the world of publishing, that I was a photographer worth taking a chance on and walked out of there with a contract in my pocket and a chance to finally make my name and earn a decent living in the process.

Thirty minutes…..that was all it took.

Thirty minutes had been the culmination of five years of scraping a living and going from one rejection to the next, trying to get to this point.

I still couldn't believe the enormity of the offer she'd made me and the affects it would have on both my life and my career. _This was big…..it was what I'd been waiting for all those years. _

It was the big break I'd given up hoping for some time ago.

And it was here.

Right in front of me, waiting for me to grab it.

_Wow_.

Taking this job would mean my life as I knew it was going to change beyond recognition. It would no longer be stationary and limited to the place I was living in but I'd get the change to travel the globe – or at least the continent – in search of stories I could capture in the reflection of my lens.

_No more wedding photography._ I chuckled, biting my lip to stop myself from doing a happy dance right there in the lobby of a posh hotel. _No more certifiably psychotic mother's of the bride yelling at me. No more brides trying to flirt with me when they'd just pledged their everlasting love to another man. No more grooms and fathers of the bride looking at me like they're inwardly debating what would be the most painful way for me to die….No more of any of that._

By the time I was walking out of the Berkeley Hotel, my mind was already full of ideas for my first shoot my body humming with impatience to share my news with Bella as I made my way over to Hyde Park Corner to catch the 22 bus to Putney Common.

Home.

Well it had been, almost a lifetime ago.

"And?" Bella 's soft, warm voice breathed as she picked up almost on the first ring. _She must have been waiting for my call. _ "How did it go? What did she say?"

I chuckled. "Calm down, love! One question at the time. Where are you, by the way? I thought your plane would have left by now."

"I'm waiting at the gate," she was quick to reply. "I think it's going to be another half hour or so before they'll start boarding."

Thank God! At least that meant she would be by my side – even if it was just on the phone – as I made my way over to Barnes. "Will you be able to talk for that long?"

"Of course I will." The tone of her voice told me she knew just what I was asking. "Not quit stalling and give me some answers!"

"Wow! Impatient much?" I grinned.

"Yes," she snapped. "Now shoot!"

_Well, here goes nothing. _"She offered me a job," I started. It was all I could get in, word wise, before Bella's squeals made me have to move the phone a bit further away from my ear to avoid hearing damage.

"I knew it! That's so great, Edward! Did you take it?"

"Deep breaths, love," I chuckled, my own enthusiasm growing as I listened to hers. "I told her I'd think about it."

"You're so brave!" Bella chuckled. "I bet she didn't like that, huh?"

"Not one bit." I cringed, remembering the look on Jane's face, "but she gave me the rest of the week to deliberate."

"Hmph," Bella huffed.

"What?"

"I've worked for her for three days and I don't even get twenty-four hours whereas you get a whole damn week?" she cried. "That's so not fair!"

I snorted. "I beg to differ! I'm pretty bloody sure that if she'd just threatened to obliterate you if you didn't do what she told you when she told you, you'd have had the courtesy of a week to catch your breath and contemplate the offer as well."

"Wow!" Bella chuckled. "She really went in guns blazing, didn't she."

"Yeah," I smirked. "That woman is as scary as the devil!"

"I told you so," she sang.

"At least I got out unharmed."

"And with a nice, juicy contract to boot," she added. "God I wish I was there right now!"

"You will be in…" I shifted, pushing the sleeve of my coat back to reveal my watch. "….eight hours?"

"God, that sounds like an eternity," she groaned.

I smiled, leaning my head against the cool glass of the buss window_. I knew just how she felt._ "Just think of me and time will fly by," I cooed.

"Smug bastard!" she chuckled. "So where are you right now?"

"I'm in a bus somewhere between central London and Wandsworth," I answered. I'd traveled that same route so many times over the years that I could almost list all the stops underway by heart. "And more precisely: we've just driven past All Saints and are now encroaching the Putney Bridge."

"Wait a minute." I could almost see Bella's forehead scrunch with thought. "I thought you said your parents lived somewhere else?"

"In Barnes, yes," I chuckled, proud that my girl had remembered such a small detail. "But if I want to get there without having to change about a million times, this is pretty much the only way."

"Okay." She was quiet for a moment or two, digesting the information. "So this Wandsworth….is it close to where your parents live?"

"About a fifteen minute walk," I explained as the bridge crossed Putney Bridge and moved into Wandsworth. _Closer to home._

The nerves that thought brought on made me blurt out random thoughts in order to not have to think about it. "So I think I've found the perfect spot for our date tomorrow night."

Shit! I gave myself a mental slap for saying that. Knowing Bella she was going to nag me until I ruined the surprise. "Did you?" she purred, like a lioness on the prowl. Just like I expected. "And where, might I ask, are you taking me?"

"You may ask but I'm never going to tell," I countered. "You already got as much out of me as you're ever going to get before you'll see the place with your own two eyes."

"Not fair!" she pouted. "The only thing you told me was that we weren't going to go skydiving!"

"And I hate even having told you that much!" I chuckled. "Honestly, though? I'm fairly certain you're going to love it."

"Of course I will," her sweet voice answered. "I'll be with you."

I smiled, wondering, as I'd done so many times, how on earth I'd managed to deserve her. _At least tomorrow I'd get the chance to show her just how much she meant to me – in every way. _

I knew it was going to take more than a fancy meal at a posh restaurant to make her see just how special she was to me, but at least taking her out for a 'full-on' date might be a start. As to what was going to happen after our date…..

Well, that was up to her.

I had the feeling she was as ready as I was to take our relationship to the next level, though I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge that she'd been ready for quite some time. I, on the other hand…..

It wasn't like I was some kind of romantic sap who wanted to save myself for marriage or anything, it was just that I wanted my first time with Bella to be meaningful; something we'd both made a conscious decision about instead of something that happened in an afterthought.

Besides….after the way Vicky basically had used sex as a weapon to sink her claws into me and I'd pretty much copied her behavior after she'd dumped me just so that I was able to feel _something_, I 'd wanted more than anything to be sure that I was going into this with a clear mind instead of relapsing into old habits.

Bella was too precious to me to risk that.

"Oh shoot!" I heard Bella mutter on the other end of the line. "They are starting to board the plane now. Will you be alright or do you want me to wait?"

"I'll be fine," I reassured her, though the thought of going to rest of the way without Bella's voice to distract me already make me break out in a cold sweat. "You go and get your pretty little ass on that flight, love."

"Always such a charmer!" she huffed.

"What can I say?" I chuckled. "It's in my nature."

We said our goodbyes and ended the call just as the bus rolled to a halt at the Commondale bus stop – _my stop _– my nerves increasing exponentially with every second that passed and every step that brought me closer to my childhood home.

_This had been a mistake. I shouldn't have come here. Not today. Not after what had happened. _ I growled under my breath, probably making the old ladies I was passing think I was some lowlife junkie bag snatcher judging from the way they grabbed hold of their purses like they were carrying the bloody crown jewels.

I couldn't find it in myself to care. Not then. _We should have met at some neutral sort of place with lots of exits and people to stop this from turning ugly_, my inner voice went on.

_Bloody know it all!_

It was too late to change things anyway, my feet remembering their way even if my mind was running off every which way it could, which meant that fifteen minutes later and about half a packet of Marlboro's found me flinging the butt of my last cigarette into the gutter in front of the house I'd grown up in.

I looked up, the red brick and cream wood of the façade still looking just as it did the last time I'd been there. A few of the shrubs may have grown and there were some plants I couldn't remember being there but apart from that it was all still the same.

Nothing had changed.

Everything had changed.

Or maybe it was just me.

Mum was at the door before I'd even rung the bell, the door swinging open leaving me no last chance to change my mind. _Which was probably why she'd been waiting in ambush. She knew me. _

"Edward!" Her face lit up in a warm smile. "You're here."

"In the flesh," I muttered, running my foot along the geometrical pattern of the front walk.

Her arms opened as if to hug me before she thought better of it, her hands dropping down almost defeated as she continued to drink me in. "Won't you come in?" The hesitance in her voice told me she didn't take anything for granted.

_Good_. I nodded, following her into the hallway. "It's bloody cold out."

Mum chuckled, holding her hand out for my coat. "It's January, what did you expect?"

"I dunno," I shrugged. _Well, this was bloody awkward._

Walking after her into the kitchen I started to notice some subtle changes, mum's eyes following mine as they took in the sum of five years. "I couldn't stand being around all that green anymore," she explained in a muted, slightly unsteady voice, "so I had Carlisle paint it blue."

Looking at her – really looking at her – for the first time since I'd set foot in the house, I started to notice the changes in her as well. There was more grey in her hair and lines in her face that hadn't been there before. _Worry lines._

"We haven't changed much else," mum went on, taking me into the kitchen. "Even your room…it's still as it was the last time you were in it."

"Thanks, I guess," I muttered, relieved when mum immediately set herself the task of making tea. It was kind of a relief to know that hadn't turned it into an extra study or a sauna or some other random use for a spare room.

It meant that even though my behavior hadn't given them any incentive to do otherwise, they hadn't written me off completely.

"I could make you some coffee if you want," she offered, her hand hovering over the kettle. 'I know you've been living in Italy for the past few years and…."

"Tea will be fine, mum," I chuckled, awkwardly standing next to the kitchen table; unsure whether to just sit down or wait to be invited.

"Please, make yourself at home," mum urged me, settling my dispute before I could make a fool out of myself and ask her permission. "I know it's been a while and I know it will be a while more before you could really feel at home here again but I never… This is and will always be your home. I don't want you to feel awkward here."

_Too late, mum. _"Thanks." The chair scraping back against the polished floorboards seemed too loud a noise for the quiet kitchen and as I sat down I wished mum would turn on the radio like she did when I was young.

This room used to be filled with music and life back then whereas right now it just seemed to be laden with awkwardness, good intentions and hope; a mixture even more stifling than the cocktail of fear and oppression in Jane's hotel room.

"Is dad going to be here?" I tried as mum bustled on in the kitchen. Over the years dad had always been good at breaking the tension and acting as a go-between between me and mum.

"He got called into work," mom sighed as she carried the tea tray to the table. "One of his elderly patients took a turn for the worse last night and he wants to be there for her and his family when she crosses….."

_Yeah, that sounded like the dad I knew; always trying to be there for the ones who needed him most_. "Does he still work at all hours?"

"Things have calmed down a little ever since he brought a partner into the practice two years ago," mum answered, pouring tea through a tea strainer, "but you know how he is. When a patient he's been looking after for twenty odd years needs him, he's not going to bother with visiting hours."

"Still, it must be hard to always have to share him."

She shrugged. "I've grown used to it over the years and besides...it's been a lot easier since Beatrice has grown to an age where you can leave her alone in the house without having to worry about her setting the place on fire."

"I guess that's true," I chuckled.

"So what about you?" mum asked. "Do you have anyone special in your life right now?"

I smiled, thinking about Bella, suspended somewhere over the Atlantic as she flew towards me. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"Is it Tanya?" mum's excitement grew now that we'd found something to talk about. "You know how much I love her…'

"No mum, it's not Tanya." I fought the urge to roll my eyes. My parents had always made sure I knew how much they were in favor of me and Tanya getting together. "You know it was never like that between the two of us."

"It's such a shame the two of you never tried to make it work," mum pouted. "She's such a nice girl and from good family to boot….."

"Mum!" I groaned. "Please drop it?"

"Very well," mum sighed dramatically. "How has she been of late?"

"Who? Tanya?"

"Yes, of course."

I cringed, remembering how my latest conversation with Tanya hadn't exactly gone off without a hitch. "She's doing good."

"Does she still live in Berlin?"

I nodded. "But she won't be there for much longer. She got this job in Amsterdam at the _Rietveld Academy_, her old school, so she, Heidi and Peter will be moving there before the new academic year starts."

"Her parents will be so proud of her," mum gushed, "and happy too, that she will be moving closer to home again."

"I think that's what was behind the move," I nodded. "Tanya said something about her dad not doing too well and how she wanted to be around more to help her mum." I left out how she tried to push me into moving to Amsterdam with them and had been quite put out – to put it mildly – when I refused.

"I will never be able to thank her enough for what she did for you…." Mum's voice sounded heavy with pain, her eyes fixed on the table top as she went on, "for _who_ she was to you when I wasn't….."

I knew perfectly well what my mother was going to say without having her speak the words out loud. _When they weren't around._

"I…..we…." she closed her eyes, searching for words. When she opened them again, I could see she'd come to some sort of revolve. "We did you a great wrong that day, Edward."

I sighed, scratching the back of my head. As much as I may have wanted to hear my mother say those words at one time, right now…..There was no point in hearing what was already so plain to see. "Mum, I don't…."

"No, Edward, please let me speak," she pleaded with me. "If not because you want to hear the words then please…._I_ need to say them out loud."

Thinking about it I could see where she was coming from. This meeting wasn't just a huge thing for me, it was for her too.

"Your father and I made a choice that day. We hoped cutting you off would make you see how great our worries were about the path you'd taken…." She sighed, a tear dripping onto the table as she hug her head. "We were wrong."

"It wasn't all your fault," I shrugged, feeling really miserable for making my mum cry even though deep down I still felt that she'd, in a way, brought this onto herself. "I was too stubborn to see sense even if it would have sat up and slapped me in the face."

I shook my head, thinking back on the miserable son of a bitch I'd been back then. "I think there's nothing you could have done to change the outcome."

"But don't you see?" Mom's eyes snapped up, her look fierce and full of that same self-reproach that had been my trusty friend for the past five years. "As your parents we should have stood by you regardless of our opinion."

"And do what exactly?" I frowned. Mum's determination to make a martyr out of me was starting to get to me a bit. "Hand over cash you and dad had worked hard for, knowing bloody well that I was going to blow it on booze and even worse stuff the minute I thought you weren't looking? Because that's just what I did, mother."

She cringed and for a moment I thought I'd gone too far. "Yes, if that would have been what it took to allow us to be there for you – comfort you – when things went wrong."

"Don't fool yourself." I smiled bitterly. "By the time you kicked me out, I was already beyond saving."

"But not so far that you didn't blame us for the way we acted for the past five years!" mom spoke, her voice stronger and slightly raised.

Before I could answer, the sound of the front door opening and closing made me pause, mum's worried look confirming what I'd suspected.

Bea was home.

"Mummy, did you see my….." Bea's voice trailed off as she rounded the corner, coming face to face with me and mum sitting around the kitchen table.

She was all around me the next moment, before I even had the time to take in the changes five years of absence had brought to her. "Eddie!"

"I thought I told you not to call me that a long time ago!" I grumbled as I closed my arms around her, breathing in the smell of my childhood.

Bea chuckled, squeezing me just a little bit tighter. "And I thought I told you long ago that I didn't give a toss?"

I snorted. "Bitch!"

I yelped as she kicked me, her shoes leaving quite a sting as they connected with my shin. "Wanker!" she growled, scowling back at me as she finally took a breather from the hugging.

"Children!" mom scolded. "I thought I raised both of you better than that!"

"Sorry, mum," we sang in unison, both grinning as we looked at each other.

God she'd grown. The little girl was no longer a little girl but a woman with all the proper attributes and all that.

"Now, Bea, you'd better pop up and get your things. You know ballet practice starts in half an hour and it will take you at least fifteen minutes to get there!" mum pressed sternly.

Bea pouted. "But mummy…"

Mum held up her hand, her face all business as she spoke again. "Don't you 'but mummy' me, missy. You know that only works on your father. We pay good money on your ballet lessons and you've already missed last week's class because you wanted to go on that mini-break with Nicola and Louise."

"But….." Bea started, only to be interrupted again before she even had a chance to speak.

"Edward will still be here when you get back." Mum turned to me, her face equal parts hopeful and pleading. "Won't you, Edward?"

I nodded, patting her hand to put her mind at ease. "Of course I will. Come on, Bea, do you really think I'd bugger off before getting to taste mum's cooking?"

Bea just rolled her eyes at me, muttering something under her breath I was sure mum was going to scold her for if she heard what it was, before stomping up the stairs.

"You did tell her I was coming home?" I whispered, knowing Bea was out of earshot but not wanting to take the risk of her overhearing something that might hurt her anyway.

Mum smiled sadly, her hand folding around mine and giving it a gentle squeeze. "We….I wasn't sure….I didn't want to get her hopes up in case…."

"In case I didn't show up," I finished for her, feeling like the lousiest son in the world when I realized her worries were all too justified. "I'm sorry, mum. "

"Don't be." Mum brushed her tears away and somehow managed to forced a smile onto her face. "We brought this onto ourselves when we turned you away that night. If only I could turn back time…"

I shook my head, stopping her before she'd work herself up even more. "We'd all do things differently if we got a second shot," I shrugged. "It's in the past now. I'm over it."

I didn't realize just how true those words were until I spoke them out loud. What was done was done. It was in the past and no matter how much we'd all want to, there was no changing it.

I _was_ over it.

"Good." Her smile widened into something genuine. "now how about you help me get dinner on the table while we talk?"

I grinned back, rising when she did. "Sounds like a plan."

We were both silent as Bea thundered up and down the stairs to get her ballet stuff, her lips pressing a sloppy kiss to my cheeks as she whirled past us on her way out. "Please be here when I get back?"

I rolled my eyes, swatting her rear as she moved on to kiss mum goodbye. "Of course I will! What do you take me for?"

After she was gone, it seemed like the ice had been broken; the atmosphere in the room turning from darkness to light as mum put a huge bowl of peas in front of me. "You'd better get to work, then."

I looked from the huge bowl of green to her. "Does this mean….."

She shrugged. "I figured those Italians probably wouldn't be as big on mushy peas as we are over here."

I grinned, knowing this probably meant she'd made the rest of my favorites – herb-crusted lamb and roasted potatoes – as well. "You guessed right."

"Is that why you look as skinny as a bone?"

I scowled, trying to stare her down. "I'm not much of a cook and as for eating out…..I guess dad cued you in on my financial situation?"

She had the good grace to blush. "I didn't….."

"I'm not an idiot, mom," I snickered. "I know a spy when I see one. Besides, if you want to be all stealthy about it,. You could have send someone who's a better actor than dad is."

"We just worry about you, that's all," she muttered, getting back to peeling potatoes.

"I know," I sighed, "but you don't have to. Not anymore." The thought that after years of scraping by, Jane's offer allowed me a future of being able to pay my way in the world made me fill with pride as I proceeded to tell my mum all about my meeting with my new boss.

'That's amazing, Edward!" she gushed, her eyes filling with a pride I never thought I'd see. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, mum." My throat closed up as I let her words sink in. After the whole art school debacle I'd never expected to find parental approval again but having it….it meant the world to me.

"So Edward…." Mum's voice sounded after we'd both been silent for some time.

I looked back up from the peas I'd been shedding I'd been dissecting to find mum looking back at me with a mischievous kind of curiosity. "What?"

"I'm just wondering," she answered innocently. 'If Tanya's not the girl for you, then who is?"

"Her name is Bella." I couldn't contain my smile as I spoke her name. "I met her on a job in Rome and she's…she's perfect, mum."

I sighed, my hand playing with the edge of the table cloth. "I love her."

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_**Yep. I really did end it here, right before Edward and Bella will be reunited again but because I don't want to keep you waiting any longer there will be another chapter on Wednesday which will cover their reunion and a few other things. You can find a teaser for it on the Fictionators' Teaser Monday. Excited?**_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_


	22. The Big Smoke pt2

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Since The Real Teacher is incredibly busy at the moment, this chapter comes to you unbeta'ed. Please excuse any mistakes that slipped my notice. **_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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**Chapter 19 – The Big Smoke**

_**Where our imperfect hearts formed a perfect unison.**_

"_We have just started our descend into London Heathrow airport….." _I zoned out as the captain started to rattle off his perfunctory annunciation of our imminent landing.

_Nothing I hadn't heard before. _

I chuckled, suddenly realizing how blasé I was starting to become over all of this; the flying, the staying in hotels, the traveling around the world and seeing some of the most amazing places on the planet.

A year ago I wouldn't even have held it possible that I was ever going to _see_ London and here I was, not really caring about seeing the Big Ben or Buckingham palace as much as I did about seeing this one guy..._my_ guy.

_My Edward_.

Even thinking about his name made my body buzz with eager anticipation. Only a couple of hours more and we would be face to face again – finally, after what seemed like an eternity spent in different continents.

His arms around me.

His lips on mine.

His breath on my skin as he whispered in my ear.

His hands on my skin.

His pe…

I had to bite my lip to keep myself from moaning out loud as my mind kept on wandering further into the gutter, the thought of what was going to happen in the afterhours of this trip making me equal parts impatient, horny and freaked out.

Apparently I wasn't so good at hiding my thoughts that the guy sitting next to me didn't notice, his eyes narrowing as he shot me a disapproving look.

I knew that if Edward had been here he would have had something to say to the guy about being young (oh well, youngish) and in love and him minding his own bloody business but I had never been anywhere near as brave or pertinent as he was so I just ducked behind my hair and blushed, happy my window seat gave me the perfect excuse not to look at him for the remainder of the flight.

I stayed that way until long after he'd exited the row and walked out of the plane, choosing instead to re-engage my phone and dial Edward's number.

The result wasn't what I'd hoped it would be, though.

'_Ello. You've reached Edward Cullen's voicemail. I'm not available at present but if you leave your name or number after the tone, I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Bye. _

I sighed deeply, twisting my arm so that I could glance at my watch. Eight PM. He was probably still at his parents' and if they were still sitting down to dinner, it would have been impolite for him to pick up his phone.

_Patience is a virtue, Bells, though your mother seems to have other ideas about that_, dad's voice buzzed from the back of my mind.

Well, what do you know? I may look like mom after all!

Determined not to be defeated by the fact that my boyfriend wasn't on hand to steer me through my first experiences in his home town I exited the plane, running as elegantly as I could with my huge carryon bag to the bus to avoid getting drenched with rain (apparently that preconception about England seemed to be true) and holding on tight as it wove through the airport and on to the terminal at a breakneck speed.

I even succeeded in not thinking about what may have happened to keep Edward from answering his phone all five times I'd tried to call him (because as much as I may have succeeded in not imagining him lying dead in a ditch somewhere, there was nothing that could keep me from trying to reach him over and over again just to be sure he wasn't) and knuckled down, focusing only on what needed to be done as I got off the plane, retrieved my luggage and got on the train that would take me from Heathrow Airport to London Paddington Station.

I tried not to be too disappointed when there was nothing cute and cuddly or even remotely bear-like about the huge, iron and stone colossus that greeted me at the end of the line.

From there on I took a cab to the hotel, checked in at the front desk to get my key card, hopped under the shower for a quick spruce up and shave and tried to call Edward again, again and again and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Oh yes, and I did a fair amount of pacing while I waited too.

_Where the hell was he?_ I paced back to the window, looking out over the wet streets and the wet streets beyond, the corners my eyes catching the red lights of the alarm clock on the bedside table.

Eleven o clock_. He should have been here by now._

I shuffled back to the door, pressing my ear against the cool wood as I tried to listen for sounds that may herald his arrival. _Could something have happened?_

"Don't freak out, Bella," I muttered at myself as I made the journey back to the window again. "There's probably a perfectly fine explanation for all of this."

_Yeah,_ my subconscious chimed in, _because probably he got robbed by a gang of thugs on his way back to you and is lying bleeding to death behind some kind of shrubbery. _

I'd decided some time ago that I hated my subconscious.

Should I call the police?

I'd been going over this question for the last hour or so, the answer always coming as soon as I'd asking myself the question.

And what would I say exactly? _Oh, hi, I'm an American tourist and I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend who also happens to be my tour guide in this hotel but he hasn't showed up. Can you help me please? Where he went? I think he was on his way back from his parents but I don't know where they live and his phone is switched off and….._

Somehow that thought process always ends with having London policemen laughing at me.

It's not as bad, though, as the scenario in which I look up the number for Edward's parents in the phonebook and call them. _Oh, hi! You probably don't know me but I'm the woman who's boning your son or would be if he would have made it back to our hotel room on time. I sound a little older, you say? Well, you may be right about that but it's only six years and I've only been married once. So could you please tell me if he's left already because I'm getting a bit worried, not to mention impatient….oh and horny too._

That particular scenario ends with me being chased down the wet streets of London down by a pair of genteel and very English (whatever that may mean) looking parents.

Or the same policeman who had been laughing at me in my other vision.

It wasn't how I fancied meeting his parents would go. _Oh my God, would they want to meet me?_

My erratic thought process was broken by a sound at the door, a slight creek reverberating through the room as it slowly opened to reveal a sight that made my heart stop and my mouth gasp in shock.

Edward; soaked to the bone and about as weary as I'd ever seen someone look in my life.

"Bella," he croaked, his eyes dropping as he stood there, shaking like a leaf, looking like he was seconds away from crashing to the floor while tiny rivulets of rainwater poured down his skin and splashed onto the floor forming a little puddle at his feet.

"Oh my God!" Both my mind and my body seemed to spring back into action at the same time as I rushed towards him, my shoulders taking over support just as his body proved to be unable to. "What happened? Are you okay?"

He never replied, his eyes faraway and his body hunched over as he dropped his bag onto the floor, the shift in weight making me stumbled dangerously under him.

"Edward!" I called out, folding my hands around his icy cheeks. "Please, Edward. You have to let me know if you're okay."

Slowly but surely he turned towards me, his eyes slowly focusing on my face as he stood up a little straighter. "I could come home just yet," he muttered, his voice trembling in time with the violent shivers that wracked through his body. "I just couldn't….I was so _angry_."

I couldn't let my mind dwell on what the hell that meant, not with Edward so close to hypothermia. "Fuck, you're freezing."

"I was outside….." His voice sounded so detached….almost like it was coming from another person…an outsider. His eyes sifted back to the wall. "I couldn't face coming here….to you…just yet."

"But you're here now," I spoke, rubbing his arms in an attempt to rub some warmth into him. "We have to get you warm before you catch pneumonia."

No reply.

Nothing.

He was starting to scare me.

"Do you think you can stay here while I get the shower running?" I asked, knowing that as much as I hated to leave him behind in the room, it was the only way to get him warm. "Edward? You're scaring me."

He looked back at me, his body swaying violently as he slowly morphed back into the man I knew and loved. "Yeah…..yes, I think so."

"Sit down." I didn't wait for him to comply to my request but instead took his hand and slowly shuffled with him in the direction of the chair. "I'm afraid you'll fall over if you keep standing like that."

He grabbed my hand when I made to move in the direction of the bathroom, his voice calling out to me before I could turn around to face him. "Bella?"

The look on his face almost broke my heart. Gone was the confidence and the cocky grins. All that was left now was a man who looked like he'd just had the rug pulled underneath his feet. _Had something gone wrong? Had he fallen out with his parents again? It's strange….from what he'd told me they were very ecstatic about his visit and I already knew the meeting with Jane had gone well so that couldn't be it. But then what was it that had turned my Edward into this? _

"Bella?"

I blushed, looking back up to find him studying my face intently. "Yes?"

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine in a minute," he muttered, a few drops of water dripping on the silk upholstery of the chair he was sitting on as he shrugged his shoulders. "I just need some time to process all of this."

I nodded. "I'll get the shower to warm up."

I caught a small yet completely forced smile as I turned away, deriving what confidence I could that Edward was going to be okay while I started the shower and waited for the bathroom to fill up with steam, my head spinning with confusion as I sat on the edge of the bathtub, trying to calm myself down before I went out there. Me freaking out was just about the last thing Edward needed right now. If only I could find out what the first thing was, though…

From what he'd just said I gathered that the reunion with his family hadn't been a complete failure. He'd told me he needed time to straighten himself out, meaning he was probably just completely overwhelmed by all of the stuff that had happened today.

And who wouldn't be?

He'd gone from being interviewed by one of the scariest women on the planet about a job that could very well be the making of him, to meeting his parents again – on their home turf – after five years of virtually no communication and a lot of festering resentment on both sides.

If it had been me I would have been so stressed out I would have walked under one of those fiery red busses you saw so much around here.

It was perfectly normal for him to be a little bit 'out of it' after the day he'd had.

And still…

He'd said he'd been too angry to come to our hotel room – too angry to face me – and that didn't make sense if everything had gone as smoothly as hoped. I mean, if his parents welcomed him back and they'd had that talk that had been five years overdue, wouldn't that just make him happy? Relieved maybe?

It didn't make sense.

Knowing that for all the minutes I could sit out there in the billowing steam of the bathroom, mulling over the very few things Edward had said while the room was starting to get uncomfortably humid, my mind wouldn't come up with answers that were any closer to the truth than the ones the man sitting in the room next door, freezing his ass of could give to me, I made my way back out into the room, taking a few deep breaths to steady myself before I crossed the threshold.

Edward was still sitting in the same chair I'd left him, though his frame was now hunched over and his head in his hands as he shivered uncontrollably, his clattering teeth the only sound in the room apart from the distant running of the shower.

I scrapped my throat, my shoulders sagging in relief when his head whipped up to me, his eyes tired but alert. "The shower is ready."

"Thank God," he gasped, his hands wrapped tightly around his chest as he rose from the chair.

I reached out my hand, that same hum of electricity that had been there from the first moment he touched me, buzzing though my body as it made contact with his. "Let's get you warmed up."

"Bella?" Edward frowned as I tugged him along, not stopping until I had him standing under the warm spray. "God that feels nice."

I chuckled. "I figured it would be better to let you get warm first and naked later than the other way around."

His cocky grin was back, my heart slipping a few beats as, for a moment, I stood completely dazzled as his intense green eyes stared into mine. "So, you want to get me naked, huh?"

I could feel my cheeks radiating with heat as I went back over what I'd just said. "Just to get you warm again," I blurted out quickly.

"Yeah, yeah," he jested.

"Come on!" I fake-huffed, though my voice wasn't as convincing as I'd have liked it to be. "Do you really think I'd want to get up close and personal with an icicle?"

He shrugged, his hand still holding on to the wall to steady himself as slowly but surely his body started to warm up again, his complexion a little less deadly and the shivering diminishing by the minute. "I thought you may want to help warm me up a little more."

I rolled my eyes. "I thought I was doing that already."

The blaze was back in full force and I had to blink my eyes a few time to regain command over myself. "You know Bella," the smooth silky texture of his voice wasn't helping with the whole command thing, nor was the smoldering look he was giving me from across the bathroom, "as amazing as your care for me has been…..I can think of a few more things that would help me get extra warm again. Just to make sure I don't get sick from standing in the bloody cold for so long…Jane wouldn't like that, would she?"

_Oh my. _ My head was spinning and, as much as I liked to fool myself into thinking it was, none of that was caused by the humidity of the room or my jetlagged state of mind. Nope. It was all him. I, Bella Swan, formerly independent woman, was being dazzled by her boyfriend like some sort of inexperienced little teeny-bopper.

Not that I would call myself experienced, though, since clearly I wasn't. "I….erm…..I don't think…..that is to say….."

"Come here, Isabella." His finger beckoned me, my body answering his summons without a though. "I don't think I've thanked you properly for taking care of me like you just did."

"I….er….." Apart from obliterating control over my body, it now also appeared that staring into Edward's eyes long enough could seriously damage one's ability to form coherent sentences.

"A kiss would be a good way to sort that out, wouldn't it?" his velvety voice crooned as he reached out and caressed my overheated cheeks with the back of his hand.

"I….guess?" I squeaked, as his hand dropped to my shoulder, then to my back, pulling me closer.

"Yes," he whispered, his breath ghosting over my skin as he inched closer, his breath ghosting over my wet skin as he went on. "I think that would do….for now."

It wasn't until my lips connected with his that I realized I was now standing under the scalding spray of the shower, my clothes quickly soaking through.

Not that I cared.

In fact, there were very few things I cared about in that moment and all of them converged around the things Edward lips and tongue and hands were doing to me and what my lips and tongue and hands were doing back.

"God, I've missed you," he panted, rubbing his nose against mine as we broke for a much needed breath.

I smiled, feeling a little unsteady on my legs. "Likewise."

"Hmm." His lips were back on mine, his tongue teasing me as his left hand ghosted under the fabric of my tank top. "Now how about we get out of these wet clothes and I show you just how much heat we can produce together?"

I swallowed hard, my nerves kicking in with a vengeance. "O-okay."

"Bella?" He looked worried, his hand retreating from underneath my top. "We don't have to….you know….If you're not ready I'd be more than happy to just….."

"No." I placed a finger over his lips, shutting him up. "I want this. I've wanted this for a long time. I'm ready. It's just….."

The sweetness of his smile made my heart throb violently in my chest. "What is it, sweetheart?"

"I'm a bit nervous," I muttered, looking everywhere but at him (which was no easy feat since he was all around me). "It's been a long time since I've…you know."

"Been with a man?" he offered, his smile deepening when I nodded. "Same here. Been with a woman, that is."

I frowned, my mind needing a minute to process his words. "You haven't….."

He shook his head. "Not for a couple of years."

"But I thought Chelsea said…."

"Chelsea is a cunt!" he growled. "Besides…the guy she thinks she knows is a man I've put to death a long time ago. I'm a changed man, Bella. I don't fuck around anymore."

"I know." It wasn't until I'd spoken the words that I knew them to be true. Edward wasn't like the guy Chelsea had spoken about. He may have been at one point in his life but I'd seen how different he was right now and , even more importantly, I'd seen just how hard he struggled to come to terms with the man he'd been.

"Good," Edward grinned. "Now where were we? Ah, yes….we were just about to get out of these wet clothes and discover all the delightful ways of keeping each other warm on this cold, cold London night."

"Yes." My voice was shaky but I was a lot less nervous than I expected, not that I couldn't feel my heart pounding in my chest as Edward stepped backwards and switched off the water.

"Okay." Edward seemed to be as nervous as I was – a notion that put me a little more at ease – his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed hard, his hands rising and falling in indecision as we stood there awkwardly.

"Ah, sod it!" he finally grumbled, a small surprised yelp escaping my lips as he stepped up to me and crushed his lips to mine in a passionate teeth-clasing-together-and-hands-grabbing-so-eagerly-they-were-going-to-leave-bruises kiss.

I moaned, my body pushed up between the wall and Edward's firm body, the evidence of just how much he wanted this to happen wedged firmly between us as he kissed me like his life depended on it.

There was no more awkwardness as we shed our clothes, not to say that we didn't fumble around like a couple of total idiots. I mean….try getting rid of clothes that were completely soaked without having to really work for it. It won't happen.

I also had to admit that I wasn't really feeling like a tower of female empowerment when I finally stood there, as naked as the day I was born (though much taller and with bigger boobs) and exposed to Edward's hungry gaze as his eyes greedily drank me in.

"God, you're beautiful!" he muttered, my cheeks getting even hotter than they'd been before as he cradled my cheek with one hand and brought his lips to mine, kissing me so sweetly that it brought tears to my eyes.

"You're not so bad yourself," I fumbled, my voice shaky as I nervously let my shaking hand trail over the smooth skin of his chest, his muscles tightening under my touch. I dared not go lower. In fact….I didn't even dare to look (not that I wasn't curious).

Once the final piece of soaked clothing had landed on the bathroom floor with a loud splat we awkwardly stumbled into the bedroom, our minds and hands far too occupied with kissing and exploring new territory to care about silly things like where we were going or how we were ever going to get there.

In the end we did make it to the bed, stumbling backwards an onto the soft, smooth sheets, our legs tangling and the air filled with laughter as we tumbled until suddenly he was above me, our bodies lined up perfectly as if they'd never done anything else.

"This is it," Edward spoke, his green eyes staring into mine with love and lust and all of the feelings I was feeling as well.

"Yeah," I nodded, biting my lip as I forced myself to hold his gaze.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded, biting my lip a little harder as I wrapped my arms around his waist, bringing him so close I could feel his tip pressing against my opening. "I'm sure."

"Good." His smile was radiant, his long, lean fingers brushing a few strands of moist hair out of my face before ghosting further downward, his eyes following their movement with an intrigue that was simply beyond me.

"What?" I asked, growing a little uncomfortable under all the attention. _Mike had never been like that…..he'd never cared for me like that._

"You're everything, Bella," he whispered, his lips kissing mine so softly they barely even made contact. "You're _everything_ to me."

"Edward." I swallowed hard, trying not to break out in tears.

"Yes, love?"

"Please…..make love to me."

He groaned, his lips reclaiming mine hungrily as one of his hands snaked between us, guiding himself into me as his hips slowly pressed forward, gently allowing my body to accommodate his size. _And boy did it need a minute. I didn't exactly have a wealth of reference material but I could say that Edward was a whole lot more 'blessed' by mother nature than Mike had been. _

"Are you okay?" Edward's voice sounded strained, coming out almost in a hiss as he hovered over me, his arms trembling with exertion.

"Yes," I whispered, my fingers digging into the skin on his back as he slowly started to move, his thrusts deep and measured as his lips kissed my cheeks, my lips, my eyes and all the other places they could reach.

I let out a deep, throaty moan, the feeling of having him over me, around me and in me being like nothing I'd ever felt before; better than everything I'd ever felt before. "Don't stop," I could hear myself panting, my feet flattening against the mattress as my hips met his movements, slick skin meeting slick skin as we connected over and over again.

"Never," he groaned, his eyes clenched shut as his movements sped up slight. "Fuck Bella…you feel so good and….I don't think I'll be able to hold on for much longer, sweetheart."

"Then don't," I breathed, moving my hands upwards to cradle his head. "Let go."

"No." His face was all determination.

"It's okay," I reassured him. It was not like I expected to get anything out of this than the pure intimacy of being with the man you loved. Mike had always been a selfish lover which meant that he'd only been concerned with my pleasure if it could serve to boost his own ego.

"Not…to…me…it…isn't," Edward grunted, his words in time with his thrusts as he grabbed hold of the headboard with one hand while the other moved between us, drawing a load gasp from my lips when it found my clit.

"Edward," I moaned, closing my eyes as I allowed myself to become lost in the pleasure he was giving me, my body tensed, hovering on the brink for few fleeting moments before I let go, my voice producing a whole lot of noise but no words as I exploded around him, feeling him follow only a few seconds after me.

Edward's breaths were as labored as mine were, his arms barely able to support his body as he let go of the headboard, his hair tickling my skin as he rested his head on my breast.

We'd done it.

As soon as realization struck, my mind started to get completely overwhelmed with the enormity of what had just come to pass. Not only had I shared the most intimate part of myself with him, in taking what I offered and paying me back in kind, Edward had shown himself to be a million times the man Michael Newton could ever strive to be.

I just wished I could give him more of me; parts that were still so broken I was wondering if they were ever going to be fixed.

With him I felt good….loved….wanted; like everything was going to be alright in the end, even though sometimes it felt like it wouldn't.

I didn't even realize I was crying until a mangled sob left my throat, tears leaking out of the corners of my eyes and seeping down before I could do anything to stop them.

"Bella? What's wrong?" I tried to twist my face so that he couldn't see it but he was having none of that. "Please, love…..you have to tell me why you're crying. Did I do something wrong or…"

"No," I sniffed, trying to get a hold on my damned emotions. "It was….it was perfect. I just…..I'm so overwhelmed right now. Thing things I feel…"

He sighed relieved, softly kissing my shoulder before he rolled off me and pulled me into his arms. "I know, sweetheart. I feel them too."

"But somehow you're not reduced to a blubbering mess," I pouted, rubbing the tears out of my eyes.

"Believe me, I would have." He chuckled, a free and happy laugh that made my head shake on his chest. "So…I'm good enough to bring women to tears, huh?"

I snorted at the smugness in his voice. "You believe that if it makes you happy, honey."

"Don't mind if I do," he answered, his voice growing more serious again as he went on. "This wasn't how I planned it, you know."

I looked up, his face unreadable in the dim light. "Huh?"

"Our first time?"he explained. "I thought maybe tomorrow after our date…but not like this."

I kissed his shoulder, his taste slightly salty with sweat. "I know. But I think I liked it better this way."

"You….did?" I could almost hear his frown in his voice, his confusion making me chuckle.

"If we'd planned it down to the last minute….I don't know." I was a little amazed by myself and the pathway my mind had wandered into. "It's more spontaneous this way….more _us_."

"Wow."

"Yeah," I chuckled, snuggling deeper into his warmth. "I'm pretty amazed myself."

"I get what you're saying though," he spoke after a while. "I guess you're right about it being better when it's a little less….planned."

"How did it go, by the way?" I asked, figuring the coast may be clear. "With your parents?"

He sighed, his hold on me tightening. "It went….good."

"Good?"

I could feel the sheets rustle as he shrugged. "It was strange at first but we managed to talk and get a few things out of the way so I guess that's good."

I nodded. 'It is."

"I promised I'd drop by again before I left town again and mum said something about wanting to come and visit me in Rome so I guess you can say we're making progress." The tips of his fingers ran along the length of my arm, making my flesh break out in goose bumps. "We're not there, though. Nowhere near even."

"Things like that take time." I answered. "But you've made a start and that's what's important."

He sighed deeply, his cool breath making me shiver a little now that my body was cooling down again. "I guess so."

I could tell that was all he wanted to say to the matter and, for the time being, I was content with what held give me. They'd talked and things had gone well, that was all I wanted to know for now. Why he'd been so freaked out when he came back to me was something we'd discuss at a later time. When he was ready to share.

"So….." he let his voice trail of, his hand drawing lazy patters on my shoulder while the other remained firmly wrapped around me."

I arched my head, the sheets rustling as I angled my face towards him. "So?"

"There was something very important I needed to tell you before I went off and ruined things."

"There is?" I asked.

"Hmm." He nodded.

"Care telling me what that is?" I pressed, trying to battle the frustration that was bubbling up inside of me. I hated it when people kept secrets.

"I love you."

_Wait_. "What?"

He chuckled, my facial expression no doubt matching the complete and utter shock of my mind. "I do, Bella. I've been meaning to tell you for ages but I just didn't think this was the kind of thing you tell a girl over the phone."

"You're right about that," I snorted before turning serious again. "So…you do?"

He nodded.

"I do too….I mean….I love you too." I growled, annoyed that I was coming off as a blundering idiot. "God I'm doing this all wrong!"

"Doesn't matter." When I looked back at him, his smile was so radiant it could have lighted the whole damn City of London. "You love me."

It was my turn to nod. "I do."

His other arm now wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me into a firm embrace. "You love me," he muttered into my hair. "Bella Swan loves me."

"With all her heart," I reassured him, wiggling out of his hold to kiss him good and proper.

"Wow," he chuckled as we pulled back, breathless and both grinning like idiots. "So this is what it feels like."

"Strange isn't it?" I mused. "It feels like we should do something…I dunno…to celebrate?"

"How about doing '_it'_?" Edward suggested, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Before I could reply (and let the record show that it would have been an enthusiastic 'yes') a yawn escaped my lips, the long flight and hours of frantic pacing suddenly catching up with me.

"I guess that answered my question," Edward pouted.

"No, I'll be okay," I tried, though the sleepiness in my voice probably sealed my fate. "Just give me a minute or two and I'll be right as reign."

Edward merely chuckled, settling into a comfortable position with me still firmly tucked into his hold. "Sleep, love. Save your energy for tomorrow."

I snuggled into his arms, his warmth and spicy manly scent enveloping me as I felt myself drift off. "I love you."

"I love you too, angel." I could just about feel the pressure when his lips pressed into my hair before I succumbed to blissful sleep.

**oOo**

"Bella?"

I growled, groaning as my hand swatted in the direction of the noise.

That only made it increase, laughter filling the air as the bed dipped beside me. "Wake up, sweetheart."

"Nooooo," I whined, trying to go back to sleep even though deep down I knew it would be pointless.

"Don't make me draw the curtains on you," he wanted.

"Ugh! Not the curtains!" I moaned, wondering why on earth Edward would torture me like that. Did he and my mom compare notes or something?

His lips felt warm against my cool skin as he kissed a trail up my arm. "Open your eyes, love. We've got to get on the road or Jane is going to raise hell."

That got me to pry my eyes open. The light revealing a freshly washed and fully clothed Edward sitting beside me on the bed. _How did I managed to sleep through him stumbling around the room? _

"You're up?" I groaned, my voice gravelly with sleep. "How long have you been up?"

He shrugged. "A while."

I rolled my eyes. "How long is a while?"

He muttered, keeping his voice low, though not so low that I couldn't hear it. "A few hours."

"A few hours?" I frowned. "What have you been doing all that time?"

Another shrug. "Looking at you?"

I sat up, rubbing my eyes as I tried not to laugh at him. "You have to admit that sounds just a bit…stalkerish?"

This time he rolled his eyes. "Just get in the shower, Bella, or I'll be forced to drag you around town naked and with a rats nets sitting on top of your head."

I scowled, my hand automatically going to the top of my head. _Yeah…total rat's nest._ "Give me twenty minutes."

We sat down to breakfast exactly thirty minutes later, the table covered with food and maps as we made our plans for the day.

"I want to get on one of those busses I saw driving around yesterday," I announced before Edward even had a chance to speak. "You know? One of those double-deckers?"

"Please no!" Edward groaned, his hand playing with a packet of cigarettes as he scooped up another spoonful of scrambled eggs with the other. "For the love of all that is holy, don't force me to get on one of those busses."

I frowned. "Why not?"

"Because they are every Londoner's hell of commercial touristy crap, that's why," he shrugged. "My friends would piss themselves laughing if they ever found out I was caught on one of those things."

I sighed, knowing this wasn't going to be easy. "Well newsflash, Edward, I _am_ a tourist. And while I'm here I have every intention of doing some things you'd probably find horribly commercial because I _have_ to write about those things and, frankly, because I _want_ to do them."

He scowled, pushing his food around on his plate.

"If you let me have this," I bargained, "I'll let you take me anywhere you want in the afternoon. No complaining."

"Hmm." The smile on his face as he looked up at me should have come with a health and safety warning attached to it. "You won't complain at all? Even if it's something you'd never do?"

I swallowed hard, wondering what the hell I'd just gotten myself into. "I promise."

"Fine then." He let out another deep sigh, his fork clanging onto the plate as he dropped it from his hands. "I guess I'll just have to endure one bloody bus ride if it means I can take you somewhere truly amazing afterwards."

I grinned, pushing my body up on my arms as I leaned across the table to kiss him. "I love you."

He chuckled against my lips, his taste fresh and minty with a slight taste of coffee and eggs as he brushed his lips against mine again. "And I love you too, sweetheart."

A sharp cackle of laughter sounding from a table close to us and the thought of what Jane would do if I got myself arrested for indecent behavior while on the job were the only things stopping me from attacking him there and then, even though the table did look like it would be more than able to hold the two of us.

"You're making it awfully hard for me to be a good boy and show you around town when you're kissing me like that," Edward breathed, his fingers lacing with mine over the table as we both sat down again to finish breakfast. "There's nothing I want more right now than to take you back upstairs and pick up where we left off last night."

I felt my cheeks flush as I bit my lip. "What's stopping you?"

"Sweetheart." His green eyes blazed into mine across the table as he brought our interwoven hands to his lips, turning them so that he could kiss the back of my hand, "if you let me take you upstairs right now, we're never going to get you on that bloody bus."

I swallowed around a bit of omelet I'd been chewing for God knew how long, suddenly wondering what was so great about that bus anyway. _Oh yeah, even Jane had marked it as a 'must do' when in London. _

"Let's just get our coats and get out of here?" Edward offered, draining the last of his coffee.

I nodded mutely, still trying to recover from Edward's latest successful attempt at dazzling me into submission. "Yeah, let's," I finally managed to croak as I trudged on after him.

The bus ride through town was everything I thought it would be: it was fun and the guy sitting up front regaled us with all kinds of fun facts about London and its inhabitants, ranging from medieval hanging places to the spot from where the Great Fire of London started it devastating inferno that would destroy most of the city as well as countless lives to the various places around town the Beatles had lived in or played at over the years.

By the time we hopped off again near the British Museum, my head was spinning with all the information, the highlights of which covered about three pages in my notebook, as a very grumpy Edward scowling as he walked a few feet behind me. "I still don't get why that bloody thing had to stop every five feet. I mean, I've heard of inner city congestion and all that but this takes the biscuit!"

I turned towards him, trying very hard not to laugh at him to his face. "Come on, Edward! I caught you listening as closely to what that guide was saying as I was. You have to admit that you learned a thing or two!"

"Did not!" he pouted, looking like a stubborn little boy. "I only listened to hear if the nitwit with the microphone was telling the truth or whether he was feeding you all a load of bollocks."

"If you say so." I rolled my eyes, rising to the tip of my feet to kiss his cheek. "Thank you for coming with me. It meant a lot to me."

He blushed, the adorable way he kicked at a few pebbles making my heart beat a little faster. "As long as you don't ever make me do that again."

"I won't," I giggled, "but remind me to thank you properly later…..when no one's watching."

"Fuck, Bella," he hissed, stealthily (though not so stealthily that I didn't spot it) trying to adjust himself as we walked underneath the columns that gave entrance to one of the most famous museums of London. "You shouldn't say those things in brought daylight."

"But it's okay to say them at night?" I teased, keeping my eyes on him for long enough to gauge his reaction before they got distracted by the huge dome-shaped room we'd just walked into.

"Just watch the damned antiquities, Bella," he scowled, tugging me in the direction of the nearest entrance to the museum part of the museum.

And that I did.

Having been to the Met a few times since I'd moved to New York, I shouldn't have been so surprised by this kind of stuff anymore. I mean, I'd seen and walked through a whole score of rooms that had been stripped from the palaces and stately homes they'd once inhabited to now be rebuilt and stared at thousands of miles away but whole temples…..Yeah, I'd never seen that before.

"We've actually been in a fight with Greece over these things for quite some time," Edward explained as I stood hunched over the _Elgin Marbles_, the heavily eroded remains of the friezes that once adorned the Parthenon in Athens.

"You are?" I looked back at him, wanting to hear more about this.

Edward nodded. "The Greek want them back, claiming that they are a part of their heritage and that they should be displayed near the Parthenon where they belong. Well, according to them."

"I can see their point," I looked back, my eyes following the intricate lines of a troop of horsemen, carved out of a marble slab.

"Still," Edward went on, "if it hadn't been for Lord Elgin, taking them back to good old Blighty with him they probably would have been lost forever."

I frowned. "You don't know that."

"Don't you see?" Edward chuckled, offering me his arm as we walked along the huge rectangular room that house the marbles, "that's the whole issue. Both sides have a point but with so many years gone, it's not about reason anymore. It's become a game of power and a question of whether countries like Greece and Egypt have the right to claim the artifacts that were once taken from them by their colonial rulers or by excavation missions appointed to scour the Middle East in search of treasures."

"I can imagine a lot of museums around the world are following this debate quite closely," I smirked, making a mental inventory of all the Greek, Egyptian and Persian artifacts I'd seen in museums in New York, Rome and Paris.

Edward smiled, kissing my hair as we walked side by side. "Yep. I bet they do."

As we made our way through the museum, it wasn't the huge structures that made the biggest impression on me. Sure, they were big and imposing and most of the time astounding in the intricacy of their decoration, but the thing that really moved me most was the rusty helmet of a Grecian warrior, a big hole right on top of it leaving you in no uncertainty of how it's owner had met his end.

It made all the stories and movies I'd read and watched about ancient Greek come to live all of a sudden; the reality of one man being hit by an arrow or a spear and losing his life in a battle that was fought thousands of years ago hitting home like a freight train.

What had been his final thoughts as he sunk to the ground? Would he have suffered? Did he leave people behind who would mourn his death? What had the battle meant to him?

The image of the helmet, lying in a small glass case amidst thousands of other ancient treasures stayed with me long after we'd walked out into the crisp but dry January day again, picking a cozy looking pub across the street for our lunch.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" I looked up to find Edward staring at me over his empty plate of food. Unlike me he'd flat out refused to order anything 'traditional' , settling for a ham and cheese roll while I went all out, ordering fish and chips. _I'd decided I was going worry about working off those calories later. _

"Just…." I sighed. "That helmet…..I can't stop thinking about it. Knowing that there was once a person who hoped to be protected by that little piece of metal….it breaks my heart."

I'd expected him to laugh at me but instead I got a look of understanding and his hand folding around mine. "I guess it's up to me, then, to fill your head with new thoughts. Happy thoughts."

I smiled back at him, my heart swelling to the point where I thought it wou ld make me cry. "You already do."

"Well, seeing you all sad and contemplative I'm starting to think I'm not doing a good enough job," he sighed.

"That's just me," I assured him. "Though I guess I am a bit apprehensive about what you have planned for me this afternoon."

His face pulled into that little half-grin I loved so much. "You are, are you?" he asked eagerly, hopping off his bar stool. "Let's get started then. You're going to love what I have planned for you."

Somehow I wasn't so sure of that, his need to confirm that I wasn't going to complain no matter what he'd picked, leaving me little scared. Though I wasn't sure why.

We set off walking, pausing now and then to read some of the plaques announcing which famous composer, writer, painter or scientist had at one time inhabited the building or just to take in the beautiful architecture that surrounded us left, right and center.

"Down here," Edward announced, tugging me into an alley that didn't look like it was meant to be seen by anyone other than the inhabitants of the houses that looked out upon it or maybe the garbage men.

"Where are we going?" I chuckled, a little nervously.

"Just wait and see," his smug yet very unsatisfactory answer sounded as he dragged me along an alley that only needs a bunch of bag-snatchers and a little darkness to be coming straight from a horror flick.

"There!" I almost bumped straight into his as he came to a sudden stop.

I frowned, looking around me and finding nothing significant. "What?"

"Do you see that tiny sash window on the third floor?" he asked, pointing in the direction of the window he'd just described.

I nodded. "Did you live there?"

"I sure did," he grinned. "I used to love it there, even though right now I've come to realize just how much of a hovel it really was – worse even than my place in Rome."

"Wow!" I joked. "I didn't know that even existed."

Edward fake-scowled at me, playfully swatting my behind. "It was freedom. Freedom from mum's hawk eyes, freedom from dad's disappointed expectations of me…freedom to do whatever the hell I wanted."

I smiled, knowing just what he meant. "New York is like that to me."

"Yeah," Edward nodded, though there was a sadness to his smile that startled me, "but I bet you made better use of that freedom."

I bit my lip, my hand squeezing his a little tighter as I remembered what he'd told me about is first years of independence and the people he'd shared them with. "I think that depends on who you ask."

"Huh?"

"If you'd ask my dad, he'd tell you that yes: a life of sobriety and law-abiding behavior is definitely to be preferred above one that's….testing the limits a little bit more." I smiled, remembering the conversation I'd had with my dad not so long ago. "If you'd ask my mom, though….."

"She'd tell you to do something wild and illegal?" Edward offered.

I chuckled. "Yeah, probably. She never told me and I don't think she ever will but I fear that I've been a complete disappointment to her."

"I don't think so," Edward argued. "I think she's proud of you no matter what you do. You've never given her anything to reproach you with even though you may e a little less bohemian than she might have liked."

"I think your parents are proud of you too, Edward," I insisted. "You may have had some hard times behind you but the fact that they welcomed you into their home yesterday shows that they are willing to look past the man you used to be…that they are proud of what you've become."

He smiled sadly, looking back at the building with a wistful look on his face.

"Besides…." I added, wrapping my arms around him as I followed his gaze. "I'm willing to bet it wasn't all bad, was it?"

"No." I could hear his smile in his voice as he kissed me hair, his hands disappearing in the back pockets of my jeans. "I had some great fun living here before….well before it all went down the bog."

"Tell me about it," I insisted.

"How about I tell you on the way over to the special surprise?" He spoke, taking my gloved hand in his as he disentangled himself from my hold.

"You mean this wasn't it?" I asked confused.

"Come on, Bella," he guffawed, almost doubling over with laughter. "Do you really think I'll blow my chance to take you somewhere really special on a trip down memory sodding lane?"

"I guess not?" I chuckled. "Though you know I find anything that has to do with you quite fascinating, you know that right?"

"Yeah…well…." He rubbed the back of his head, his free hand going for what could very well be the fiftieth cigarette of the day. "As fascinating as I am, there's stuff out there that I think you'll enjoy a lot more than creeping down dingy alleyways."

"You mean it's actually some place that doesn't look like Jack the Ripper's favorite playground?" I gasped, feigning shock.

Edward playfully pushed me onwards, his arms preventing me from falling as I stumbled forwards a step or two. "Just walk, Swan, before I find another occupation for that mouth of yours."

I frowned. "What….." My cheeks flushed me finally I managed to put two and two together. "Oh!"

"Not so sassy now, are we?" Edward grinned, his hand once again disappearing in my back pocket. _Could it be that deep down inside Edward was an ass-man? _

He was quick to change the subject as soon as we hit the more crowded sidewalks, regaling me with stories about his life in London and the friends and roommates that had shaped his first few months of living on his own. His vivid tale made me forget what was happening around me or even stop to take in the beauty of London until we came to a halt in front of an arch, the letters carved into the frieze making it perfectly clear where we were going.

"You're taking me to a library?" I asked, looking from the arch to Edward and back to the arch.

"Not just any old library," Edward explained. "_The_ library or, more correctly, the _British_ Library. Come on." And just like that, without any further explanation, he took my arm and dragged me along, underneath the arch and into the courtyard of an almost surreally modern building.

_The_ library seemed to be a pretty apt name for it, my eyes almost budging out of their sockets as I walked along display case after display case holding some of the most amazing and important documents on the planet ranging from the Magna Charta, beautifully illuminated Bibles and prayer books to original manuscripts of Jane Eyre, Tess of the d'Urbervilles and Mrs. Dalloway as well as notebooks and letters written by Jane Austen, Charles Darwin and Sigmund Freud.

It was amazing, my mouth hanging open in awe as I looked at pages filled with the elegant (and sometimes not so elegant) script of some of the people whose works had been so powerful that they'd withstood the ages and still held as much importance today as they did back in their day.

And maybe even more.

The best thing about it was the relative calm and emptiness of the place. Apart from the small anteroom holding the Magna Charta, there was barely anyone in the 'treasury', the part of the library that held its permanent and temporary exhibitions. We could just wander around leisurely without having to weave through the crowds.

It was amazing.

I'd been a fool to think he'd pick some whacky, bohemian excuse for a museum. This was Edward we were talking about. _My Edward_. The man who seemed to know me better than I sometimes thought I even knew myself.

"What?" Edward's brows furrowed in a frown as he looked up from the glass case he was hunched over, alarmed by the bitter chortle that had just escaped my lips.

I sighed. "Nothing. Just a memory."

He smiled back, his eyes warm and understanding before they fixed back on whatever he'd been studying before.

A long time ago I'd fancied myself to be in love with Mike, enough even to marry the guy and to swear I'd love him until my dying breath. I realized now that it had all been a big fat lie, regardless even of the fact that Mike had cheated on me. I'd _settled_ for Mike but had I ever really loved him?

Maybe I had but even then, the love I'd born him couldn't hold a candle to the love I felt every time I looked at the man who was standing a few feet away from me now, reading a two-hundred year old document with an almost child-like enthusiasm.

This was the man I'd always been supposed to love.

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_**Soooo. They're finally back together again. Did you like their reunion? I promise I won't keep them apart for as long as I have now. That's not saying they'll never be apart again, though… **_

_**The British Library really is an amazing place and surprisingly quiet too (well, it was the last time I was there). It has some amazing slices of history to discover. As a historian I also couldn't resist touching on the debate surrounding the Elgin Marbles. **_

_**Follow me on twitter for updates on my writing and everything else. I'm missbaby25 over there. **_

_**Reviewers get teased ;-) **_


	23. The Big Smoke pt3

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Since The Real Teacher is still incredibly busy, this chapter comes to you unbeta'ed. Please excuse any mistakes that slipped my notice. **_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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**Chapter 20 – The Big Smoke**

_**Or how I found out that being someone's boyfriend came with its perks but could also be bloody confusing at times.**_

"Fuck!" It felt good to curse, my hands balling to fists by my sides as the offending strip of silk I'd been trying to tie into a perfect Windsor knot dwindled slowly to the floor. Even now it was trying to mock me.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I went on, kicking at the tie as if it would do any good.

It didn't. The bloody thing didn't even move.

It was like it was glued to the sodding shag pile carpet.

"Bloody tie!" I felt like a complete tool, cursing at inanimate objects but as I said before: it felt bloody good.

"You about done?" I looked up to see Bella standing in the doorway, the bright light of the bathroom shining behind her creating almost a halo around her beautiful form.

My mouth when dry as I let my eyes rake over her fine body. My Adam's apple bobbing in my throat as I swallowed, the sensation almost painful though my eyes remained glued to her (though much to my own shame they weren't quite glued to her face). "You…." I finally managed to mutter. "You….you look….."

"What?" She smiled seductively, doing that thing where girls shift their weight from one leg to the other, thereby drawing attention to both their legs and their hips. And Bella's….they were _fine_.

"Huh?" I looked up, momentarily distracted by the scrapping of her throat.

Her grin widened, the tight purple dress she was wearing showing off her figure in a way that made me painfully hard. "Cat got your tongue?"

"No?" My voice sounded embarrassingly high. It must have been all the blood flowing to my cock or something, my own frustration allowing me to finally belt out the words I'd been wanting to say as soon as she'd opened that bloody door. "You look amazing."

She chuckled nervously. "Alice went kinda 'all out' on this one." She ducked her head, trying to hide behind her hair as I'd found out she always did when she was nervous, only to find out that with her hair up in one of those buns that had a lot of curly strands falling around the face, there wasn't that much hiding to be done. "I'm nervous to think about what she'll come up with for the gala."

"You look amazing," I assured her once more before frowning, the second half of her statement not making sense. "Gala?"

"Remember? I told you about that a couple of days ago," Bella chuckled, biting her plump little lips. "It's kind of a huge deal."

"Somehow I get the feeling you're not really looking forward to is" I smiled, remembering how Bella had been less than enthusiastic when she'd broken the news a couple of days ago.

She shrugged. "It's not really my kind of thing. I mean…I'm from Forks. The closest thing we ever get to a gala there is the annual Spartan High prom and that's being held in the old school gymnasium that still smells like gym socks no matter how hard the clean-up team has scrubbed it."

She pursed her lips into a ball, grimacing as she went on. "Who would have thought? Little old me, going to a big fancy gala. Dad and Sam are never going to let me live that one down." Bella fidgeted nervously with the neckline of her dress. "Anyway….I got the feeling that it's more about showcasing her little success stories than actually doing anything to raise funds to cure Children's Cancer."

I nodded, thougt I had no idea what she was actually talking about. The gentle art of schmoozing and mingling with the rich and famous was something I'd never learned and probably never would.

"I made Alice promise she'd pick out a dress that covered at least eighty percent of my body in something that wasn't see-through or consisting of lycra or some other non-breathing fabric," Bella rattled on. "As uncomfortable as I will be, I was to wear something that won't have me worrying about showing stuff that isn't meant to be shown."

"Only to me." The words were out before I could even thing about stopping them, my hand running through the hair I'd just spent ten minutes trying to mold into something that didn't look like a bloody birds nest. _Well, so much for looking like a gentleman. _

"Yes. Only to you." Bella's cheeks were adorably red when she looked back at me, probably remembering, like I did, what it had felt like last night, when I was inside her. _Bliss_.

My eyes flashed to the bed as I debated, for a moment, why I'd thought it so important to get all tarted up and take Bella out for a date in a restaurant when we could have had just as much – maybe even more –fun getting naked, jumping into the bed and ordering room service in between rounds. _Ah, yes, because you attacked Bella in a fit of emo-neediness last night and cheated her out of a more special, more meaningful first time with you._

That did the trick.

"So…" I almost jumped at the sound of Bella's voice. "Do you need help with that?" For a moment I was confused, my mind going to the gutter and immediately starting to wonder if she was offering a blowjob as the cure to my raging hard-on when she waved her hand at the tie that was still lying on the floor beside my feet looking a little worse for wear after my tantrum.

"Fuck yes!" I sighed relieved. "Dad once told me how to do these fuckers but I must have forgotten over the years."

I shrugged, suddenly feeling like a right old looser. "It's not like I had that many tie-wearing opportunities of late anyway."

"What?" she frowned. "You didn't wear a tie when you went out to meet with Jane yesterday?"

I shrugged. "No. Why?"

Her shrug mirrored mine. "Most people tend to do so."

"I'm an artist, not a dress-up doll," I defended myself. "If she had wanted to meet with some suit-clad prissy little fart, I imagine she could have had her pick of models from her little black book."

To this Bella answered with a roll of her eyes and a shake of her head as she walked forward, almost closing the distance between us. "You artists and your annoying stubbornness! You sound just like Jasper!"

I grinned cockily, knowing the effect it usually had on her. "There's worse people I could be compared to than Jasper Whitlock. The man's a fucking genius! I still can't believe he actually liked my work."

"And had a pretty big part in you landing this job at _Epicenter_," Bella added, smiling proudly as she ducked down, allowing me a prime view of her tits for a few seconds as she grabbed the tie and wrapped it around my neck. "Now please stand still and withhold all further bragging or we're never going to make it to the restaurant."

"And that would be bad because….." I purred, laying it on real thick as I let one of my hands trail along the smooth fabric of her dress before resting it on the swell of her ass. What _can I say? I'm an ass man and Bella's ass in that dress simply looked too good to remain untouched. By me, that was. Only by me. _

"I'm starving, for one," she put me in my place, absentmindedly slapping my hand away, "and I've just spent half an hour in the bathroom getting ready for this big date you've been going on about for weeks now. You're so not getting laid tonight if you bail on me now."

And just like that I was back to square one again, a lot of hard swallowing and willing my dick not to leap out of my pants and have at it before I was able to voice a reply. "So I'm gonna get laid if I do take you out tonight?"

For a moment or two her face was all concentration, her brows furrowed and her lashes drawing long shadows on her flawless porcelain skin as she tied my tie into a perfect Winsor knot on her first try before leaning in, her sweet scent clouding my senses even before she poke. "Play your cards right, mister Cullen, and you just might."

My groan was embarrassingly loud as she bit down on my earlobe, her sweet tongue darting against the skin right before she pulled back with a mischievous look on her face, leaving me standing there like a blundering idiot as she fluttered around the room, getting her coat and one of those small, pointless bags women seemed to like so much. "Let's go?"

"Right," I panted, still trying to get my Johnson to stand down. "Yeah….let's go."

"Coat?" She grinned, obviously liking the fact that this time it was me who was completely and utterly dazzled. _I'll show you who's boss later tonight, Miss Swan. _

"Yes," chuckled nervously, grabbing the suit jacket that went with the rest of my garb. "Coat."

She frowned, opening her mouth to say something but apparently deciding against it at the last moment.

"What?"

"Do you think that's warm enough?" she asked, cringing as she heard herself speak. "God, I sound like my mother!"

"I think it's sweet that you care," I smiled, kissing her sweet lips. "And yes, I think I'll be perfectly warm in this." Or so I hoped, because even I knew better than to match a suit with a worn down leather jacket and that was the only thing I had on offer in the coat department.

Bella seemed about as convinced as I was but she held still as we made our way down and to the Queensway tube station, catching the Central Line to Holland Park.

"It's so crowded in here!" Bella gasped as we pushed into the carriage, her hands clutching the front of my jacket as the carriage jostled into action.

"Are you surprised by that?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Come to think of it: not really." She chuckled. "I keep forgetting that New York isn't the only big, bustling metropolis around."

I shifted, allowing for passengers to alight at the Notting Hill Gate- station.

"Are you ever going to tell me where we're going?" Bella asked, her small hands still holding onto the lapels of my jacket like it was a lifeline.

I grinned, enjoying my little power trip while it lasted. "Nope."

"You're no fun!" she pouted. "No skydiving, right?"

"No skydiving."

She batted her lashes, completely ignoring the asshole who was trying to get her attention by standing really close. "Just dinner?"

I leaned in, kissing her cheek before leaning in, just like she'd done back at the hotel. "Nice try, Bella."

And yes, the way she shivered against me was quite pleasurable.

The carriage came to a stop again just as Bella opened her eyes, looking sufficiently dazzled.

"This is our stop, love," I chuckled, offering her my arms as we made our way onto the platform, mindful of the gap, and out of the station.

"Holland Park?" Bella read. 'You're taking me to the park?"

I nodded. _Well, technically I was._

"Isn't that a bit….cold?" she frowned.

I grinned smugly. "Just wait and see."

She didn't have to wait for too long, her eyes distracted by the stately brick townhouses on the other side of the road so that she didn't see where we were actually going until we were right in front of it.

"Oh gosh," she gushed, looking at the warm light pouring from the big windows of the ancient building on the other side of the road.

"I'm glad you like it," I smiled, my smugness growing exponentially with every second that passed as she gaped at the place I'd selected for our first proper date, her mouth hanging slightly open and her eyes blinking rapidly.

"_This_ is where you're taking me?" she asked incredulously as we slowly made our way to the front entrance.

"What?" I chuckled. "You didn't really expect us to go skydiving, did you?"

"I guess not," she muttered, her eyes still huge and staring around in wonder as I gave my name to the hostess and walked after her, one hand on the small of Bella's back, to our table.

"This used to be a ballroom." I spoke after a waiter had left to fetch our drink orders while we browsed the menu. "It was part of Holland House, a big old mansion that used to be here."

"Used to?" Bella asked.

I frowned, trying to remember everything mum had told me about it. "I think most of it was bombed to smithereens in the blitz, though some parts of it still remain."

"How do you know all of this?" she asked, peeking at me from over her menu.

"The internet?" I grinned. "Besides, this is the place my dad brings my mum on special occasions or when he's really made a big cock-up. Mum always used to gush about it the next day."

She smiled, going back to studying her menu for a while though I could see there was something brewing in her mind.

"What?" I asked after the waiter had come to take our orders.

She shrugged, hiding her face just like she always did when she didn't particularly feel like bearing her soul to me. "Nothing?"

She blushed as I arched my brow, staring her down until she finally surrendered. "Fine," she scowled. "I was just wondering what happened yesterday that would make you stand outside in the middle of a downpour of almost Biblical proportions for God knows how long. I know you weren't ready to talk about it yesterday and I won't push if you still aren't but…"

I sighed, wishing I'd never forced the matter. "Bella…I…"

"You don't have to tell me, Edward," she added, reading my mood just like she always seemed to do, "but it would be nice to know why. I mean…I don't understand what happened to make you feel like you had to stay away from me."

I nodded, taking a big gulp from the wine the waiter had just placed in front of us. "You're right. You deserve an explanation."

Bella smiled, fidgeting with the napkin in her lap. "You told me the meeting with your parents went good?"

"It did." I closed my eyes, reliving the previous afternoon. "It was awkward at first; me and mum sitting around the kitchen table with all this rubbish still unsettled between us…but then we talked and I guess you could say we cleared the air."

"That's good," Bella spoke. "What did you talk about?"

I shrugged. "The past, the present…you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you," I chuckled. "You play a very big part in my life right now so you were bound to come up one way or the other."

Bella blushed. "What else happened?"

"Bea came in." I smiled. "At first I almost didn't recognize her, she's grown so big over the last couple of years."

"Just a quick FYI, Edward," Bella interrupted me. "Women don't usually appreciate being called big. You might want to remember that before you speak to your sister again."

"Noted," I smirked, leaning back as our starters were placed in front of us. "Anyway…It was great seeing her again, though. She's so smart…she told me she was just accepted into King's College so it seems her dreams of being a top barrister may come true after all."

"You must be so proud of her."

"I am," I laughed bitterly, "though not as much as I envy her."

Bella frowned. "Envy?"

"She's always known exactly what she wanted and how she was going to make that happen." I shook my head. "So here she is, on her way to greatness, while I, her big brother, the one she should be looking up to, am one disaster away from bankruptcy."

"Don't do that," she demanded. "Don't put yourself down."

"Why not? It's the truth."

"No it's not!" she looked unsettled, her voice raised to the point where we were starting to draw attention. "Is that what caused it? Is that why you…"

"No." I shook my head, shoveling another fork of food into my mouth to stall for time while she waited patiently, her small smile telling me she was on to me even if she didn't say anything about it. "It's just that….as we sat there – mum, dad, Bea and me – it was like nothing ever happened. For a moment we just like any other old family sitting around the dinner table and…and I realize how much I'd missed having that; how much the last couple of years…my anger…it all seemed so pointless."

I huffed bitterly, prepping another bite of food – anything to keep my eyes away from her. "I've spent the last couple of years hating them for what happened while they spent their time living with regret. We were all locked in our own worlds with no way to get out because we all share this fatal flaw that kept us from seeing what was really happening."

"What?" she asked, her lips sensually folding around her fork.

"Stubbornness, "I explained. "We all dug our trenches and waited for the other to come to us and by doing so we were selling ourselves short. Realizing that….it made me so bloody _angry_."

I had just about the presence of mind to place my cutlery back on the table before balling my hands into fists under the table. "It's so….pointless. My whole life and everything I've done to this day….it's all been pointless."

"No, it's not." Bella sighed, putting her own knife and fork down after she'd emptied her plate. "It's brought you here, hasn't it? You may not have taken the easy road but you still managed to make things work for you and be what you wanted to be. Maybe you all needed this time apart to realize that just because you didn't live up to your parents' expectations, doesn't mean that you've failed them…or yourself," she offered.

"Way to gild the lily, love," I chuckled wryly, "but at the end of the day I'm still a third rate photographer scraping a living in a city he will never truly belong."

"I told you not to do that!" she snapped. "You're not a deadbeat, not are you a third rate photographer! What about Jane's offer? She thinks you're good enough to offer you a contract. That's _huge_, Edward!"

I shrugged.

"You _know_ you're better than you give yourself credit for," she insisted. "Then why do you insist on hating yourself?"

Another shrug. "It's easier."

"Not for the people who love you," she whispered, her eyes looking so sad as she reached out for me across the table. "_I_ love you, Edward, and I hate to see you putting yourself down."

I swallowed, feeling that there might be hope for me yet as long as I held on to the love she felt for me. "I will try."

"Good." She smiled, pleased with my promise as she sat back again. "Have you called Jane yet?"

"Not yet," I replied. "I need to read the contract first but I figure I should probably give her a ring soon, right?"

"Definitely," Bella chuckled. "Tomorrow?"

"Maybe."

"Good."

And just like that, the heaviness was out of the air and we could just go back to being Edward and Bella on their first proper date.

Which rocked, by the way.

We took a stroll through the park after we'd finished our dinners, the words asking her to join me on a midnight stroll leaving my mouth before I could think about what I would do once we were in the park, walking side by side in awkward silence while I slowly froze to death (I was beginning to think that taking my leather jacket might not have been such a bad idea after all).

"It's nice here," Bella said, looking around her as she took tiny, well-measures steps in her high heels.

She was lying.

I knew that.

There was nothing nice about a park in the middle of winter; no flowers or warmth or even leafs to entice the viewer .

"Yeah, it's nice," I mumbled, cringing at the blatant lie coming out of my mouth. _Think you idiot! Think of something – anything – to say or do to make this night magical instead of a total bust. You've seen all those old movies Liam keeps dragging you off to and there's plenty of romance in those!_

Yeah, in the end it all boiled down to one simple question: what would Clark Gable do?

The minute I thought about it, my mind started picking up on some music coming from a building nearby, the slow, dragging rhythm of the song making an idea spring into my head that was so perfect and gentlemanly that

"Dance with me?" I asked, holding my hand out for her to take.

"What? You mean right here?" Bella asked, looking more shocked than pleased.

"Why not?" I quipped. "We have music, a relatively solid surface and the stars make for a perfect disco ball. If you're lucky I may even try to feel you up a little."

She looked around her, noting just like I had that the park seemed to be empty apart from us and maybe the odd bum skulking in the undergrowth. "I don't know, Edward…."

"Come on, Bella!" I pushed on. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"I can't dance?" The way she looked at me let me know that I was already on the home stretch. Not much longer now until I had her in my arms.

"It's all in the leading," I replied, trying to act as suave and Gable-esque as I could. "I'm no Fred Astair but I have been schooled in the art of slow dancing." Really. There wasn't much to it. Just put one arm around the girl's shoulder and one around her waist (mind: no lower unless you were sure that the girl in question wasn't opposed to a slight grope or else you'd only be likely to get clocked right in the jewels) and shuffle around from one leg onto the other, preferable in time with the music.

"Okay," she sighed, admitting defeat as she stepped into my hold. "But as soon as someone spots us, we're out of here. I don't want to end up in the nut house."

"You wound me, milady," I joked, relishing in the way her warm body felt against mine.

After shuffling around awkwardly for a few seconds, trying to figure out the best way to piece the two of us together we managed to find a good rhythm, the music in the distance making our bodies sway languidly under the light of the moon and the stars.

_I put a spell on you, because you're mine._

_You'd better stop the thing that you're doing._

_I said 'watch out, I ain't lying'_

I hadn't realized I was sing along out loud until Bella chuckled, her body quietly shaking against mine. "You have a lovely singing voice, you know?" she remarked.

"Oh yeah?" I pouted. "Is that why you're laughing at me?"

"I wasn't laughing at you per se," she said. "I was just laughing at the fact that you chose to serenade me with a song about a guy who's trying to stop his girl from cheating on him."

Oh. Shit.

"You may be right about that." I cringed, suddenly feeling not so smooth and Gable-esque at all. "I'm not very good at this, I fear."

"I think you're doing amazing," Bella smiled, snuggling back into my hold. "Now shut up and dance with me."

Thank heavens the song had changed from Creedence Clearwater Revival and their romantic-yet-not-so-romantic-when-you-realized-what-they-were-actually-singing song to Wetwetwet. At least there was no doubt about the fact that Love is all Around was, in fact, a one hundred percent bona fide love song.

"I love this song," Bella gushed as I picked up our sway again.

I shrugged. "It's okay, I guess." I mean, I was a man and therefore I couldn't very well admit that in this moment, with Bella in my arms, even swoony music from the nineties sounded bloody amazing.

Tanya would never let me live that down.

In fact, _I_ would never let me live that down.

All too soon our peace was disturbed by a bunch of idiot yobs entering the park, their jeers making Bella sprint away from me like I was covered in warts and sores or carrying the plague.

"I don't think you're doing it right, mate!" one of the yobs jested. "She's not supposed to run away from you!"

My hands balled into fists by my side as I growled deep in my chest, moving in front of Bella to protect her if worse came to worst.

"How about you buy yourself a leash and tie her down?" Another one suggested. "That'll keep her from running!"

A red hue passed in front of my eyes. How dare they talk about Bella like that? Tying her down? What kind of sick fuck did that?

My leap forward was halted by a soft but firm hand on my shoulder. "They're not worth it, Edward," her soft voice spoke as she moved in front of me with a determination that betrayed a blatant disregard for her own safety.

"No man will talk about you like that!" I hissed, my nostrils flaring as, over the rumble of my own rage, I picked up on another round of jeers coming from the side.

"Please." Her hands folded around the sides of my face as she came to stand in front of me, her brown eyes demanding to be met as she looked at me. "Don't give in to your anger…it's what they want….don't let them get the better of you. Come back to me, Edward."

I blinked a few times the rush of rage diminishing as she rhythmically caressed my cheeks with her thumbs. "Take me home," she breathed, not even glancing at the yobs as she started to pull me forward in the opposite direction of where the underground station actually was.

I let her, not in the least place because the direct route to the Holland Park tube station would have taken us straight into the path of those worthless pieces of snot and I wasn't sure if I could get past them without a fight.

Somehow we managed to make our way back to our hotel without further incident, Bella's little hands grabbing hold of the lapels of my jacket again as soon as we stepped into the elevator, her lips pressing urgently against mine.

I groaned, stroking her warm, wet tongue with mine as her hands fisted in my hair, holding me close to her as I pushed her up against the smooth, reflecting walls of the little steel box that was transporting us up to our floor; to our room. _As if I was ever going to go away. _

"I've wanted to do that all night," she panted as we finally broke for air.

"Likewise." I chuckled, watching as she closed her eyes while I ran my thumb over her swollen lips. We both jumped when the bell chimed, the doors of the elevator sliding open to reveal an empty hallway lined with doors on both sides, one of them belonging to us.

"Race ya!" Bella breathed, her laughter piercing through the quiet of the hallway as she tore across it, almost breaking her neck when her high heels made her stumble dangerously.

"Woman, you're absolutely bonkers!" I laughed, leaning my forehead against hers, my lips stealing kisses as I pulled my door key from my pocket and opened the door.

"I may be," She giggled, rubbing her nose against mine, "but you know you love it."

"I love _you_," I whispered before molding out lips together, her hand immediately going back to my hair as we stumbled awkwardly through the doorway.

I tore my lips away from her only to get my bearings and close the door behind us, her face wild and shining with lust as she gasped for air. "I love you so fucking much, Bella."

She bit her lip, her chest heaving with her labored breath as she stood across from me, too close to miss her and too far to kiss her. "Show me."

I extended my arm, pulling her forwards and into my arms as I claimed her lips again. "Gladly."

Her hands wanted to reclaim their hold but I fended them off, lacing my fingers through mine as she groaned in protest. "Nah-uh, sweetheart," I chuckled, almost budging when she flashed her pout at me. "Tonight, we're going to do this _my_ way; the proper way."

"And what might that way be?' she asked, her voice husky as her tongue darted out to lick my bottom lip, driving me completely insane.

I purred, kissing her quickly and deeply before pulling back, eliciting a small whimper from her lips. "The slow way."

"That's no fun," she scowled.

"Believe me, love," I chuckled, "by the time I'm done with you, you will have had more fun than you can handle."

And just like that, I made her shiver again, my hand running up her spine along the zipper of her dress and down again, taking the small lip down with me. "I'm going to unwrap you and lick you and kiss you wherever I can reach, making you want me even more than you did when you stumbled into this room with me," I crooned against the think, delicate skin at the base of her neck, her throaty moan telling me I was on the right track.

"And then," I continued, my hands twining with hers as I brought them up again leaving her dress hanging open, "when you just about think it can't get any better, I'm going to make love to you...over and over again until we're both too tired to lift a bloody finger. "

"Yes," she gasped, her hands squeezing mine though our twined fingers as she buckled against me. "Please…."

I chuckled, untwining her hands and trailing them slowly up her sides to her shoulders, peeling the dress away from her porcelain skin and letting it fall down, her body almost completely exposed to the cool air and my gaze. "Bed." I demanded. "Now."

She swallowed thickly, putting a few steps backwards until her calves touched the side of the bed, deliberately taunting me as she slowly inched her body down and leaned back. "Is this good enough for you?"

I chuckled, seeing through her way of breaking my resolve. "It will do…for now"

Her eyes grew wide as I stripped out of my jacket, throwing it haphazardly across the room as my free hand set to work unloosening my tie. "It will suit me just fine." I leaned in, using my arms to brace myself above her, touching nothing but her lips as I kissed them before trailing down to her chin…her clavicle and down to that little hollow between her breast, my tongue dipping underneath the silk of her bra.

"Take it off," I demanded, not trusting myself to do the honors without fumbling around like a complete tool. _In all my years I'd never really mastered the art of unhooking bra's. _

She gasped, her eyes darkening with lust as I l sat back to allow her the space to comply with my demand, her nimble fingers quickly discarding the offending piece of fabric and throwing it beside the bed.

Not that I noticed.

I was….transfixed, her beauty calling out to me like a sires song, making me dive in again, my arms straining with the pressure as my lips found their home, folding around her pert nipple as she arched her chest towards me, offering herself up eagerly and willingly.

I groaned, letting her nipple fall from my lips as I blew cool air across it, chuckling as it grew even harder under my ministrations before switching sides, lavishing attention on her other breast while my hands made sure the other one wasn't going to feel left out. _That would be a cardinal sin._

"Edward!" Bella growled, her body squirming beneath me as her hands, which had been very obedient in resting beside her body until now, tried to push me down.

"What do you want, angel?" I breathed, looking up into her eyes.

"I want you," she panted, her cheeks flushing darker as she struggled to voice her request, "I want your mouth….on me."

I grinned. _Just what I had in mind._ "Your wish is my request, _amore_."

Eager to give my lady what she wanted, my lips left her breasts for now and started to inch lower, the skin of her flat, toned stomach trembling with need as I kissed it, letting my tongue lap up the sweet, salty taste of her as I crawled lower until I finally reached my destination.

"Are you ready love?" I muttered against her skin, slowly tugging the moist fabric of her lacey panties and her stockings down her legs.

"Yes," she breathed. "Yes."

I grinned, my eyes flashing to her face one last time before I dove in, moaning as the tangy taste of her hit my pallet, her body squirming underneath me as my lips tugged on her clit while I inched first one, then two fingers into her hot, wet pussy.

_Fuck! I wanted to be inside her. _I groaned, my tongue lapping with a new ardor as I remembered what it had left like last night to slide into her warm wet heat and feel her surround me in ways that felt indescribably good, my cock growing so hard I was afraid it was going to poke a hole in the mattress if I didn't do anything about it soon.

"Yes!" She gasped a little louder, her body moving rhythmically along with my ministrations, one hand weaving into my hair and tugging almost painfully at the roots.

My fingers picked up pace, mimicking what my cock would do if it were inside her now as I sucked on her clit, biting down gently in a way that had her body almost veering off the mattress.

"Oh, my God! Don't stop….please, fuck…_Edward_!" she cried, her body tensing before falling over the edge, her walls convulsing around my fingers as she came, my eyes transfixed on the vision that was my love, falling apart in front of my eyes.

I felt a pride I wasn't sure was appropriate.

Me.

She was feeling that way because of me.

I did that.

Me.

Only me.

Forever me.

While I did my silent little happy dance, Bella had slowly recovered from the organism I'd just give her, her cheeks still flushed and her chest rising and falling heavily as she sat up, her lips meeting mine in a sweet, breathless kiss. "Thank you," she panted. "That was….."

"Amazing?" I grinned cockily. "Yeah, I know."

"Pompous ass," she growled, though her anger trailed off into a moan as I silenced her, kissing her deeply and profoundly before honoring the second part of my promise to her, as I made love to her deep into the night.

When we were both completely and utterly spent, I pulled her into my arms, pulling the sheets up to keep us warm as we both drifted off into a deep, exhausted sleep, her arms wrapped around me and mine around her.

Just where they belonged.

**oOo**

"Quit stalling," Bella scolded me, picking a grape out of her fruit salad and throwing it at my face.

"I'm not stalling," I lied, picking at the half eaten piece of toast on my plate. "I'm eating."

"You _are_ stalling," she repeated, silently challenging me to oppose her while she continued to daintily scoop one grape after another into her mouth. _Fuck…that mouth._

"You didn't seem to mind my stalling so much this morning, in the shower," I mused, popping another piece of toast into my mouth as I reminisced about the way her wet skin had felt slapping against mine as I had her pressed up against the wall. "In fact, I happen to recall that you rather liked it."

She blushed, her mind obviously going in the same direction. "That was then," she finally snapped, back in control of herself. "Right now…you're going back upstairs to make that phone call."

"And leave you all alone out here?" I tried. "I wouldn't think of it!"

Bella merely rolled her eyes, sighing deeply as she put her spoon down. "I'll be in Kensington Park when you're done."

And so there I was fifteen minutes later I was pacing the small free floor space of our room, staring at the phone in my hand and almost dropping the bloody thing when it beeped with a new message.

_Just do it._

_B._

I chuckled, shaking my head as the words flashed onto the screen. _She knew me too well._

"Well, alright then," I sighed, scrolling through my list of contacts for the number that had been programmed in there ever since I'd left her hotel room yesterday morning.

Jane Livingston.

"Here we go," I breathed, holding the thing to my ear as it dialed.

My talk with Jane was short and businesslike; kind of like the woman herself. After being snapped at for no apparent reason by some pompous bitch assistant who quite obviously wasn't right in the head, she finally managed to connect me to Jane who, after hearing my acceptance, set me up with the number of a guy in Amsterdam who was going to help me complete my first assignment.

Apparently I was going to cover the pro's and con's of legalized soft drugs and the way the Dutch public opinion of its own unique policy was slowly starting to change.

It was interesting, to say the least, and so unlike anything I'd ever done in my professional life that I felt like a fish out of the water by the time she finally hung up.

I guess this was really it.

No hiding anymore.

Time to step up to the plate.

And apparently I'd lost the ability to voice my thoughts in anything other than cliché's.

Blimey.

I didn't give myself a whole lot of time to think about it or freak out. Knowing that Bella was waiting for me in the park across the road I quickly got my jacket and camera bag and set out for Kensington Park.

After crossing Bayswater Road I walked down the Broad Walk, the broad (hence the name) gravel pathway that crossed right in front of Kensington Palace; the place Bella was going to have a look at while I was stuck in our room calling Jane.

She wasn't there, though, which meant that she was probably off feeding the ducks at the round pond as she'd mentioned earlier when we were having breakfast.

I smiled, remembering the happy girlie look on her face when she snuck a few uneaten pieces of toast wrapped in a napkin into her bag earlier that morning at breakfast.

That girl…there was something about her that made me want her more every time I saw her face. And just when I thought I couldn't possibly get more besotted with her, she went off and pinched a whole lot of toast to feed the duckies.

Bless her heart.

I turned on my heels after taking a few snaps of the palace, just in case Bella wanted to include them in her article what with all the fuzz about it having been Princess Diana's past home and now the London residence of prince William and his wife. Squinting in the direction of the pond, I could make out a few shapes standing near the water's edge, my pace picking up in my impatience to be with my Bella again.

That was, until I spotted her.

I stopped dead in my tracks, almost dropping my camera bag, when I finally saw her, surrounded by more ducks and swans than I'd ever seen in one place and chatting amicably with a girl _I_ knew all too well but she didn't , their laughter ringing out as they fed the stampede of ducks surrounding them like it was the most normal thing in the world for them to do.

How the hell did both of them manage to end up in the same place at the same time?

I watched, my skin breaking out in a cold sweat as I watched Bella say something that made her companion throw her head back as she laughed out loud, her reddish hair blowing in the wind as she adjusted her bonnet on her head before pulling Bella into a close hug.

What the fuck?

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	24. The Big Smoke pt4

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Since The Real Teacher is still incredibly busy, this chapter comes to you unbeta'ed. Please excuse any mistakes that slipped my notice. **_

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**Chapter 21 – The Big Smoke**

_**Where we reached new heights and new lows.**_

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Good morrow to you too, big brother!" Bea chuckled, dramatically rolling her eyes. "How fare you on this lovely day?"

"Cut the Shakespearean bullshit, Bea," I growled. "Are you stalking me now?"

She shrugged. "Just checking in."

"Yeah right!" I snorted. "You just happened to have a lot of time on your hands and no books to read or homework to make so you hopped on the bus and drove all the way in from bloody Barnes on the off chance you might stumble across your brother and his girlfriend."

She blushed, trying to hide her reddening cheeks by pulling up her shawl. "What are the chances of you believing me when I say that's exactly how it happened?"

"Slim to none."

She smirked. "Thought so."

"The truth now." I tapped my foot against the gravel impatiently as I waited for my sister to explain her actions. "I'm waiting."

"I'm getting to it!" she snapped. "Bloody hell! Mum was right. You really are as impatient as a child on Christmas morning."

"Oh, like you should talk!" I bit back. "I remember one fateful morning when you started jumping up and down on my bed at four in the bloody morning because you couldn't wait to see if mum and dad had gotten you that book on – what was it again?"

"_Sophie's World_," Bea grumbled. "And it's a book on philosophy. Which you would have known if you ever pulled your head out of your arse long enough to actually pay attention."

"That doesn't change the fact that you woke me up at FOUR IN THE BLOODY MORNING!" I cried, pointing my finger at her.

"Don't point, Edward!" Bea cooed, mimicking mum's voice with a perfection that was downright scary. "And it's not like I could help it that you were still hung-over after you and your chums partied until one in the morning."

"It's was a holiday!" I snarled. "What the hell was I supposed to do?"

"Stay home and play scrabble with your dear little sister who adored you and looked up to you as if you were made of awesome?" she sang, batting her eyelashes at me.

I snorted, my hands grabbing hold of the bench next to me to keep me from toppling over into the sand. "Yeah, right! Who are you trying to fool, Bea?"

"No idea!" Bea hiccupped, laughing as hard as I was. "I'm sorry. That was really…preposterous."

"It was." We both dropped down onto the bench, completely worn out to see Bella looking at us with a bemused smile. "What? This is normal stuff for us, isn't it?"

Bea nodded, patting me on the shoulder as she beamed at Bella. "Arguing is just our way of carrying a conversation. You should have been there when we both still lived at home!" She cringed as she probably, like me, remembered the old days. "Or maybe not."

"So you see," she went on, "we don't really hate each other. At least….not much."

She chuckled. "I never thought you did. Your bickering just made me feel a little homesick for my brother."

That immediately got Bea's attention. She perked up as she patted the empty space next to her on the bench. "Older or younger?"

Bella sat down, taking great precautions to wipe the surface of the bench clean first. "Older."

"You poor soul," Bea gasped. "I know all too well the torture of having an older brother lord over you like he's God himself!"

"Hey!" I scowled. "I'm sitting right here, you know?"

"Shut up!" Bea barked. "I'm talking to Bella. Nobody asked for your bloody opinion!"

"It was okay, actually," Bella interrupted us before things could spiral from bad to worse. "Sam – my brother – actually wasn't that bad as far as brothers go."

"You're so lucky," Bea sighed dramatically.

_Right. Yeah. Because growing up in cushy Barnes with parent who loved you and an older brother who did everything he bloody could to keep you safe and out of the reach of the neighborhood bullies must have been the summit of torture. _I scowled, both from the path my thoughts had wandered into and my own reluctance to actually voice them. _Not while Bea is within striking distance of the jewels. _

"So what _are_ you doing here?" I asked, trying to steer the conversation back into more general waters. "I still don't believe you came all this way just to see me."

She shrugged. "I came to see Bella, actually."

When I scowled, she ruffled my hair, chuckling as she bumped fists with my girl. "Actually, I'm meeting a few friends in the City later on so I thought I could come down early and see if you were around and wanted to hang out for a bit. After everything you told us the other night both me and mum were dying to get some more info on this marvelous, brave woman who managed to turn you into a somewhat decent human being. "

I smirked. "So this was all just mum sending you out on a recon mission?"

"Nope," Bea grinned. "It was a joined effort."

I frowned, still trying to make sense of it all. "How on earth did you find us?"

The look on her face was the same one Renata gave me whenever I'd said something incredibly stupid – at least, according to her. "You told me."

"I did?" I thought hard, trying to replay everything I'd revealed to my family about where I was and who I was with.

"Yes, you did," Bea repeated matter-of-factly. "Then when I got here you were in the lobby, saying goodbye to Bella before heading up so I decided to follow her and see what she's like."

"She scared the crap out of me," Bella chuckled.

"Yeah," Bea smirked. "Sorry about that. I didn't quite know how to start so when you were looking at the statue of Queen Victoria I just….."

"Tried to dazzle me with your knowledge of British history?" Bella offered.

"And not to forget the female battle for suffrage and equality," Bea added.

I snorted, shaking my head. "In other words: you scared the bloody hell out of my poor girl by droning on like a raging bra-burner?"

Bella almost dropped from the bench as she doubled over in laughter, though the contrite look on my sister's face told me all I needed to hear even before she spoke. "I might have, yes."

"It wasn't that bad!" Bella soothed. "I learned quite a lot about your countries history and once she'd explained to me who she was, everything was fine and we got along quite well."

I knew Bella well enough to assume that before my sister had 'outed' herself as such, Bella had probably been terrified of being stabbed, stalked or – in the very least – sprayed with paint or chemicals by the strange girl who had accosted her from out of nowhere.

"So is this a single-person operation or are mum and dad lurking somewhere in the undergrowth?" I wanted to know next, looking around me for any indication that the parental were close by.

Bea slapped my shoulder as she glared at me. "I already told you I was on my way to meet my friends. In fact," she snuck a glance at her watch, "I should get going right now if I want to be on time."

"Yeah, I guess we should as well," I sighed, knowing full well that he had about two hours to spare until we were supposed to be at the Jubilee Gardens but not wanting to sound like some sad loser who hung around the park all day with his girlfriend because he didn't have anything better to do and lacked the funds (because he'd blown them all on some fancy dinner the night before) to take her out for a nice spot of lunch.

"Where are you going today?" Bea asked as she rose from the seat, swatting her read to get rid of any dirt or duck droppings she might have sat on.

"The London Eye first," I started.

"Sweet!" Bea smiled, turning towards Bella. "You'll love that."

"And Westminster and the Tower afterwards," I finished.

"I won't keep you, then," Bea chuckled, righting the woolly hat she wore, "even though I hate leaving you before I've had the chance to sufficiently mock you for riding one of those bloody awful tourist busses."

I groaned, scowling at Bella. "You told her?"

"What?" Bella shrugged, trying to keep herself from laughing at me. "You never told me I couldn't tell anyone."

_Yeah, that might have been a mistake on second thought_. I cringed, knowing that my dear sister was never going to let me live that one down. In all honesty, though, the thought that Bella may have run into someone close to me never crossed my mind.

_Should it have?_

"This conversation isn't over, Eddie," Bea giggled, pressing a big old sloppy kiss on my cheek.

"Edward," I corrected her, "and you bet your bloody ass it is!"

"Ooooh!" Bea sang. "I'm so scared now!"

"You should be," I warned her.

"Bye, bye, Eddie," she jested, stepping out of reach before I could swat at her. "Don't be a stranger."

"I won't," I answered, knowing that though her question was asked lightly, there was a very serious undercurrent to it. "In fact, I might drop by on Thursday night of you aren't doing anything else?"

"I'm sure mum would love to have you regardless," Bea answered immediately, knowing that mum would probably cancel tea with the queen on the off chance that I might be dropping by. _My family really needed to get their priories in order._ "I'll let her know."

I looked sideways just in time to see the same heaviness that had captured my heart reflected on Bella's face, both of us knowing why I had time on my hands to spend with my family on Thursday night.

She'd be on an airplane hovering somewhere above the Atlantic.

Taking her away from me.

Duty.

Ironic how we were both bound by it and happy with the paths our careers had wandered into but at the same time loathing the consequences it had for us.

Distance.

Separation.

I hated it.

But it had to be done.

For now.

"So I'll see you later Eddie!" Bea spoke, her elated voice pulling me out of the gloom I'd fallen into. "Mum and dad will be so happy you're dropping by before you go off to Rome again." She hugged me, her size and the scent of the fruity perfume clinging to her reminding me that she wasn't the awkward thirteen year old I'd left behind five years ago anymore.

I groaned, trying very hard not to think about the consequences her growing up might have. "Call me Eddie on more time and…."

"And what?" she challenged me, crossing her arms on front of her chest and staring me down like that was supposed to impress me.

Not.

"I'll slip a dose of laxative in your food and have you pooping up a storm, just like I did when you snitched to mum about me smoking behind the gymnasium."

"That's….really grown up, Edward! What age are you again?" she snorted. "And by the way: I'm still waiting for you to thank me from saving you from a slow and torturous death."

"By ratting me out to mum?" I scowled.

She chuckled. "Fine, that may not have been the smartest move."

"She grounded me for a bloody month!" I growled, getting riled up all over again just thinking about it. 'And she made dad dig up those revolting pictures of what your lungs look like when you've been smoking."

"You shouldn't have started," Bea shrugged. "It's a nasty habit and you know it! Besides, the only reason you did it was because you thought it looked cool."

"You started smoking to be cool?" Bella chimed in. "That's kinda…."

"Sad?" Bea offered, nodding furiously. "I know!"

"Don't you have friends to meet?" I grumbled, deciding not to spark up a smoke even though I really bloody needed one.

"Oh, bugger!" Bea cussed. "I've gotta dash!" And just like that she pulled my shocked girlfriend into a quick, fierce hug before sprinting off like the nutty little maniac she was.

God, I'd missed her!

"She's….." Bella started, looking on as Bea turned a corner and disappeared out of sight.

"An utter lunatic?"

She laughed, her carefree giggles making my heart clench and release in my chest with the love I felt for her. "Passionate was the word I was looking for, actually."

"Yeah," I snorted, sneaking in a quick kiss. "She gets that from mum."

"She seems to know an awful lot about history," Bella mused, looking back towards Kensington Palace.

"She knows everything,' I smirked. "Bloody little know it all!"

"Don't say that!" Bella scowled, lightly stomping me in the shoulder. "Be proud that your sister is such a smart young woman."

"Try growing up with Hermione-bloody-Grainger-the-second constantly yapping on about stuff that isn't even remotely interesting," I grumbled.

She shook her head, softly kissing my cheek. "You know you love her."

I sighed. "I guess."

"So what did Jane say?" she wanted to know next, leaning away from me again. "Did the call go well?"

I shrugged. "I guess it did, as far as phoning Jane can ever go 'well'."

I scratched the back of my head. "Look, we've got about an hour and a half before we have to be at the London Eye. Do you still want to walk? Because if you do, we've got to get moving about now."

"Let's move, then," Bella beamed, her arm linking with mine as I pulled her up from the bench. "We can talk while we walk."

I sighed. There was no escaping Bella and her 'need to know'. "What do you want to know?"

She snorted, looking at me with an incredulous look on her face. "Everything? What did she say?"

"Well, you know her," I chuckled, "she started off by scolding me because I took so long to accept her offer."

Bella snorted, her cheeks dimpling up making her seem so much younger than she was. "Yeah, that sounds like the Jane I know."

"Anyway," I snickered, "when she was done she gave me the number of this guy in Amsterdam she knows. She wants me to tell the story of thirty years of soft-drug tolerance in eight pictures, capturing the pros and cons and the spirit of Amsterdam."

"Wow," she gushed, her face scrunching up in contemplation. "That sounds…."

"Virtually impossible?" I offered, kicking a few larger pebbles and watching them skip ahead of us. "Yeah, I know."

Her hand folded around mine, squeezing softy as we walked, crossing the road that separated Kensington Park from Hyde Park. "What are you going to do?"

I shrugged. "Take pictures that blow her socks off?"

"Good idea," Bella smiled, leaning closer against me as we walked along Rotten Row. "It's so beautiful here."

"Hmm," I nodded, looking around me at the vast expanse of green and brown in the middle of a very densely populated city. "You should see it in spring or summer when everything's in bloom and the park comes to life."

"I can just imagine what it must look like," Bella spoke, her eyes scanning her surroundings with rapt fascination. "Did you come here a lot?"

"I did," I nodded. "My digs were about the size of a large airing cupboard so to avoid cabin fever and sometimes my very loud roommates as well, I took my books out here to study. That was…..when I still did any studying. It's also a great place to take pictures, what with people from all walks of life lounging around the place."

"It must have been nice to sit here and learn, surrounded by so much natural beauty," she mused, a small gasp leaving her lips when a rider passed us on horseback.

"It was mostly very frustrating," I chuckled, my laughter deepening when she gave me an incredulous look. "You try stuffing your head with three millennia of art history when there's kids running amok all around you and people on horseback cantering about the place."

I shook my head, remembering what it had been like back in the day. "No, on a nice, sunny day – and there's not that many of them to go around over here, mind you – it's nearly impossible to find a quiet bit of greenery around here."

"But you still came?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Even with all the horses and kids running around it was still a whole lot more peaceful than being at my place."

"Really?" Her brows furrowed as if she couldn't fathom the sheer possibility.

"Try living with a wannabe rock star and a guy who celebrated his newfound independence by having sex with just about everything that had a vagina, " I cringed, remembering the sounds that used to come from his room at all hours of the day, some of them sounding almost extraterrestrial. "Really loud."

"Ah." Bella blushed, the pink stains on her cheeks making me want to take a leaf out of my former flat mate's book and drag her back to the hotel to ravish her until we both saw stars. "I see."

"Then there was Johnny, who was always banging around in the kitchen because he wanted to be a chef even though he studied accountancy and couldn't cook a bloody cheese omelet to save his life."

"Jeez!" Bella snorted.

"Exactly," I snickered. "I can't remember how many times I decided that all the freedom in the world wasn't worth living in a place that was one Nurse Ratched short of qualifying as a nut house."

"Then why did you stay?"

I shrugged. "Because I was finally out from underneath mum's iron fist?"

"She couldn't have been that strict," Bella frowned.

I huffed. "You try living with the school principal for a week and see how you'd like it!"

"I grew up having the local police chief for a dad, remember?" she retorted.

"Right." I smiled sheepishly. "I forgot about that."

"Not that he was home a lot, though," she shrugged.

"Neither was my mum," I said, "but when she was….it was like she could smell it whenever I'd done something against her rules. Not that I did that a lot back when I was still living at home, though."

"But you wanted the opportunity to do so?" I could tell that even the thought of that was about as far away from the environment she'd grown up in and the way she perceived the world as one could get.

I sighed, trying to find the words to make this less foreign for her. "I wanted to see if I could stand on my own two feet…much good though it did me."

"Hey." She tugged on my arm until I looked at her, her large, doe-like eyes shining up at me with a love and trust I'd never deserve. "I'd say you turned out okay." The softness of her voice made my heart hum in my chest, the smooth leather of her gloved hand against my cheek adding to the intimacy of the moment.

I smiled, though I had the feeling she knew it was a fake one as well as I did. "By sheer luck."

"By sheer power of will," she corrected me. "You rose above the person you became and bettered yourself. You should be proud of that."

The look on her face made me swallow the bitter snort that was about to leave my lips, my hand scratching the back of my head as I tried to find a way to steer the conversation back in easier waters.

She beat me to it. "Who's that?" she asked, pointing towards the bronze figures sitting on top of the marble arch in front of us.

"If I'd have to guess I'd say the goddess of victory," I explained. "It's the monument devoted to the Duke of Wellington."

She bit her lips, her brows furrowing again as she studied the monument. "Wasn't he at Waterloo?"

The rest of the way to our destination I regaled her with what I knew about the country's history and the buildings surrounding us, Bella asking a million and one questions most of which I just had to wing my way through, much to my shame.

Suddenly we were on the other side of the Thames, looking up at the big – _huge_ – wheel in front of us.

"It's very….erm…high, isn't it?" Bella asked in a tiny voice, her hand clinging to mine as if she were frightened the blasted thing was going to come down and drop right on top of her.

"You'll be perfectly safe, sweetheart," I tried to reassure her, slowly tugging her towards the entrance. "It's been here for well over ten years and as far as I know it, not one of its carriages or its inhabitants has ever plummeted to a horrible end."

"And that's supposed to comfort me, how exactly?" Bella cringed. "I mean…ten years? The thing's ripe for the scrap heap!"

"Just get in, love," I chuckled, coaxing her the rest of the way towards the admissions booth. "You won't regret it."

And she didn't. Just like I knew.

For once the weather Gods were cooperating, allowing me and Bella a clear view across the city as we stood, her back to my chest, my head on her shoulder and my arms around her waist, looking out over the city, her laughter filling the small capsule as she pointed out all of the landmarks she recognized.

I barely heard half of what she was saying. I was too busy being in love with her.

It scared me.

It consumed me.

And it kept growing with everything she said and did as we explored the city, her hand firmly wrapped around mine as we explored London's South Bank, stopping at the replica of Shakespeare's Globe before crossing the wobbly bridge to take in the splendor of St. Paul's Cathedral and finally gawk at the Tower of London; the mighty fortress that had protected the city, the monarchy and its most priced processions for centuries.

Still, as lovely as all of the sightseeing was and as impatient as I was to take a look at the frames I'd shot throughout the day, there was nothing I anticipated more eagerly than the moment when I had my Bella alone again, in the privacy of our hotel room.

Unfortunately, though, the demands of food and drink kept us from doing that even after we'd concluded our program for the day, our steps leading us to a cozy pub somewhere on our way back to the hotel for a quick dinner.

"I think we need to add something to our program for tomorrow that people won't have already seen on television or read about a million times before," Bella spoke, ladling up the last of her bread and butter pudding. "Something obscure or unknown …Any suggestions?"

"Huh?" I looked up, my eyes transfixed on her plump, red lips and my desire to kiss them, lick them or see them wrapped around my cock until then.

She rolled her eyes. "Get your head out of the gutter, Edward. We have a job to do!"

"Yeah," I muttered, laughing like a perfect idiot. "What were you saying again?"

"I'd like to go somewhere off the beaten path," Bella repeated, "something else to balance the more well-known places like the Tower or Westminster Abbey…something more like the British Library."

I scratched the back of my head, trying to think of places that would appeal to a broader audience while still being relatively unknown. "How about Highgate Cemetery? It's where Karl Marx is buried. Or maybe some of the abandoned tube-stations or air raid shelters…or maybe the Thames barrier?"

"Hmm." She tapped her lips with her fingers, drawing my attention back to where it had been before. "Those subway stations sound interesting. Personally I'd love to see the cemetery but I don't know if Jane might think it too morbid to cover another one of those after already detailing Lachaise Cemetery in my last European feature and….."

"Let's get back to the hotel," I interrupted her, reaching across the table to grab her hands.

She looked baffled, her eyes big and her hands grabbing mine as if to steady herself from the suddenness of my outburst. "What?"

"We can decide what we want to see over breakfast tomorrow. Right now I just really need to be inside you."

If her eyes would have grown any bigger they might have popped out of their sockets as she stared at me, her lashes blinking rapidly as if they had trouble registering what she'd just heard. "Yeah….ah…." She bit her lip, her cheeks electric pink as one of her hands reached up to fidget with the collar of her roll neck pullover. "I think that may be….ah….a good idea?"

I grinned, a little smug from the effect I seemed to be having on my girl. "Splendid. I'll settle the bill."

It was a good thing we'd opted for a pub close to the hotel because somewhere between Bella's last bite of her pudding and my paying the bill, the tension between the two of us had exploded, making it impossible for either of us to keep our hands, lips or other appendages to ourselves as we stumbled our way back to the privacy of our hotel room.

"I need you," I panted, almost dragging her behind me as the elevator dinged open. "Right now."

"Patience," she breathed, slamming the door shut as soon as we were both inside, an evil glint shimmering in her eyes as she pushed me against the firm hard wood of the door. "I believe it's my turn to lead tonight, mister Cullen."

The way she purred my name; equal parts sweetness and sex kitten, made my cock grow as hard as solid steel. "Fuck," I gasped, my head banging painfully against the door as I threw it back, the sensation of Bella's hand palming my erection over my jeans making me loose all sense of direction.

"Yes," Bella breathed, enticingly biting her lips. "I do think that's in the books, though not until later."

_Hello Sex Kitten. Where the hell did you come from and what did you do to my sweet, bashful Bella?_

"Not so cocky now, are we?' she chuckled, inching down my body until she was kneeling in front of me, her eyes level with my throbbing cock.

"Just wait and see, Miss Swan," I grinned back. "I believe that once your hands have managed to free me, you'll soon find out just how _cocky_ I can be."

If she said anything in reply, it got lost the minute her small, able hands dug into my jeans and wrapped around my penis, my head banging against the door once again as I tried to keep my act together and not blow my load embarrassingly soon. "_Fuck_….Bella!"

"Now what did I tell you," she scolded, her chocolaty brown eyes shining up at me, making it almost impossible to concentrate on what she was saying. "Good things come to those who wait."

Apparently, though, good things came very swiftly, since her words were followed by the almost indescribably good feeling of having her lips wrapped around my cock, the warmth and wetness of her mouth taking me to place I'd never even imagined before.

So good.

So fucking good.

"Bella…..sweetheart….you….have…to….stop," I managed to pant, my hand fisting in her hair and trying to pry her away from my cock while my whole being was screaming at me to just let her do her thing.

"What is it?" She looked vulnerable, uncertain, her eyes loosing that spark they had before as she looked up at me. "Was I doing something wrong….I never…."

"Sweetheart," I sighed, dropping down to my knees to look her straight into the eye as opposed to look down on her. "You were doing everything right. In fact, you were doing such a good job that I was minutes from blowing my load."

"Then why did you stop me?" she asked, her voice belying her uncertainty.

I kissed her, hoping my lips would tell her what words seemed inadequate to convey. "Because as amazing as it would have felt, it wouldn't have been right."

Her frown told me she had no idea of what I was implying.

"Sweetheart," I stared, tying her bottom lip from between her teeth. "When I finish….I want to be inside you."

"Oh." Her face flushed as her confidence grew again. "I see."

"Do you now, Miss Swan?" I grinned, figuring it was safe to assume our roles again.

She nodded. "However….I also see far too many items of clothing standing in our way."

"Let's see if we can fix that!" I chuckled, my hands already clawing at the top button of my shirt as I stepped out of the pants that puddle around my feet, my eyes fixed on Bella and she slowly and torturously shed her clothes on her way to the bed until she was naked and reclining against the pillows, her fingers becoming me over.

"What are you waiting for?" she breathed, her chest rising and falling with deep, labored breath as her eyes gazed lustfully in my direction.

I was wondering the same thing, my feet crossing the distance before my mind could even form a coherent thought.

"Good boy," she praised, shifting aside just as my body dove for hers. "Now lie back and enjoy."

"Eh?" I was still too shocked by her sudden confidence and the fact that instead of her warm, welcoming body I now found cold cotton beneath me to argue.

"What?" she mused, obviously amused by my uncertainty. "You didn't think I'd give up that easily, did you now?"

I swallowed, my Adam's apple bobbin almost painfully in my throat as I looked at her, magnificent in her nakedness. "No?"

"That's right, Edward," she purred, a small, embarrassingly feminine whimper leaving my lips as she straddled me, aligning our bodies perfectly except for the fact that she kept me outside.

"Please," I groaned, my head burrowing into the pillow.

"Please what?" she chuckled, teasing me just like I'd done to her the night before.

"Please,' I spoke with difficulty as she aligned my cock and her pussy so perfectly I only had to thrust upwards to slide home. "Please….make love to me."

"Gladly," she breathed, sinking down on my length, my body and mind lost in the sensation of being inside her. _Perfection_.

"Yes!" I growled, my hands gripping her hips as she started to roll them, the pressure already building in the pit of my stomach as she controlled our rhythm'; once fast and menacing, then slow and sensuous until we were both dying for relief.

"So close," I hissed, trying to keep it together long enough for her to finish before I would, my eyes glued to the way her tits danced in front of them with the rhythm of her movement.

"Let go," she gasped, her cheeks flushed with exertion as she worked herself over me. "Just…let go."

"Not….without….you," I panted, moving one of my hands from her hip to her pussy, a deep, guttural moan leaving her lips as I started to rub her clit, making her walls clamp around me in anticipation.

"Yes….just…like….that," Bella moan in time with the movement of her hips, her face flushed and eyes veiled as she stared back at me, her teeth shining in the soft glow of the moon as she bit her bottom lip. "_Edward_!"

I cried out first, the pressure to great to keep at bay as I spilled myself inside of her and felt her clamp down as she followed right after me, my eyes closed as I tried to recollect myself while my voice mumbled words not even I could discern.

Good.

So good.

Utterly spent, she crashed on top of me, her shoulders shaking with her need to catch her breath as the stillness of the room settled over us like the clam after a big storm. It wasn't until I felt tiny drops of wetness tripling onto my shoulder that I knew it wasn't just exhaustion that had made her shake.

"Bella?" I panted, trying to get her to sit up.

She sniffed, moving off me, her face hidden in the pillow as her body continued to shake with her muffled sobs.

"What's wrong?" I felt blind panic bubble up inside of me as I listened to her soft, hushed whimpers. "Bella….please, sweetheart. You have to tell me what's wrong."

"I…..I don't want this to end," she sniffed, her face still hidden behind a veil of dark brown hair.

"Then don't let it," I insisted, brushing her hair behind her ear, forcing her to make eye contact. "If you really love me, we'll make it through this."

"Of course I love you." I was a little surprised by the amount of fire behind her words, her eyes conveying a same amount of frustration as she rubbed the tears out of them and sat up, the sheet barely covering the top of her breasts. "I just…What are we going to do, Edward?"

I frowned, not really getting what she was talking about. "About what?"

"About us!" she cried, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself before she went on. "Being here….being with you….it's magical and I don't want it to end."

"I know," I sighed. Spending time with Bella had always made me feel like I hadn't felt in a long time: happy….and hopeful. She made me feel like there was something still in me that my past hadn't destroyed; something worthy of her love and trust.

"But don't you see?" she went on, her face so broken and sad that I had a very hard time not pulling her into my arms and shushing her before she say something that would contribute to her sadness. "In a few days time, we'll both have to get back to our lives and our jobs…what will happen then?"

I pursed my lips, scrambling upwards until my back rested against the headboard. "We'll call or Skype or do whatever we can to tie us over for the next three weeks. Berlin's not that far away."

What was meant to be a consolation only made her more pissed off for some strange reason. "But what about after Berlin? What's going to happen when there's not weeks but months between my next visit? How are we going to make this work?"

I leaned forward, grabbing her face between both my hands and forcing her to calm down; her eyes wild and her shoulders shaking with frustration and labored breaths. "Listen to me, Bella," I growled. "We _will_ make this work. It will be hard and there will be times like this, when one or both of us will start to lose faith but it will be worth it in the end. Your love- our love – is worth it in the end."

She sighed, her eyes slowly closing as a tear slipped free and rolled down her cheek, the wetness seeping underneath my hand as it reached the bottom of her face. "But when will the end be?" Her voice was so low I almost had trouble hearing it.

I knew what she meant. With my new job forcing me to remain mostly in Europe and hers being based in New York we were stuck in an impasse with no apparent way out. "This is only temporary," I said, trying to convince myself as much as I attempted to convince her. "It's Jane's goal to make me the next big thing in photography, right?"

I waited until she nodded, faintly and unconvinced. "If I do a good job at this and other people will start to notice me, she'll cut me loose and I'll be free to accept jobs that will be based in….oh, say…New York?"

My heart skipped a beat when my words were able to coax a small smile from her lips.

"Isn't that right, Bella?"

Her nod had more conviction behind it this time around. "I guess so."

"So you see?" I chuckled, letting the tips of my fingers drift from her face down her throat and rest on that space right above the swell of her breasts where I could feel her heart beating in her chest. "It's not hopeless unless we make it so."

She sighed deeply. "If you put it like that…."

"Besides," I went on, the idea coming to me from out of nowhere, "didn't you say something about management being concerned about the cost of you flying intercontinental all the time?"

She frowned, obviously puzzled. "Yeah, but…."

"Wouldn't it be great if you suggested moving to the European mainland for a couple of months?" I went on. "Just to save on expenses, of course."

Her smile widened as she caught on. "Of course."

"You could come to Rome and move in with me or I could come here – to London – or to any place you'd like, as long as we'd be together," I rambled on, my hand slowly inching lower on her chest.

"Yes," she breathed, her teeth capturing her bottom lip between them as my hand enfolded her breast, her eyes fluttering closed as my thumb brushing over her nipple. "I'd like that."

"Good." My voice was thick with desire, my body screaming that this wasn't enough. It wanted more. It wanted everything "Because you're stuck with me, Bella. You're mine."

"Yours, she repeated, her eyes shining with need as she opened them. Her hand mimicked my movement, resting above my heart. "Mine."

I nodded. "Yours. Completely."

My lips were on hers the second after the words left my mouth, our kiss desperate with the need to confirm our feelings, the sheets that had covered our nakedness sliding aside as our limbs tangled together in an inseparable hold.

"Yours," Bella gasped as my lips left hers to draw a path alone her neck as I rolled her underneath me, her legs parting to allow me access.

"Mine," I whispered, my eyes locked with her as I lined my newly hard cock up with her entrance, both of us spellbound for a short moment before I pushed inside her, my eyes closing as I felt her wet, hot walls enclose me. "Yours."

The franticness from before was gone as we made love slowly, savoring every deep stroke and soft kiss as the sounds of our sex filled the air; Bella's soft moans getting more pronounced as she neared her climax, pulling me over the edge with her as she came around my cock.

There was only one thought in my mind as we finally drifted into sleep, her body perfectly molded against mine and her soft, deep breath filling the air.

This was worth it.

* * *

_**Sooo…..No Tanya (yet) and a possible solution to their problems. Good?**_

_**In other news….I've written a oneshot for the Fandom for Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. It's a Teacherward oneshot based on an actual conversation I found on 'Damn you autocorrect' (which is also the title). You've until September 30th to donate if you want to read my oneshot or the world of the many fabulous authors that contributed to it. For more info, please visit fandom4lls (dot) blogspot (dot) com**_

_**Review and I'll tease ;-) **_


	25. The City that Never Sleeps pt6

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**First of all, I'm so sorry for not updating last week. Work has been crazy lately and with me having been away on a study trip for most of the weekend I just couldn't get the editing done in time. **_

_**In the meantime some changes have taken place in Team LDV. After long deliberation The Real Teacher decided to step down as my beta. Though, of course, I will miss her like crazy, I totally understand and respect her decision and want to thank her, once again, from the bottom of my heart for all the love, support and hard work she's put into making me a better writer. **_

_**That being said, I'm very excited that starting this chapter my dear friend Jadsmama is on board as my new beta/pre-reader. I'm sure you're all going to love her influence on this story as much as I already am. **_

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**Chapter 22 – The City That Never Sleeps**

_**Because really, who needs sleep when there's phone-sex to be had?**_

"Ugh!" I was barely able to lift my head, my hand slapping blindly at the origin of the annoying bleeping sound that had so cruelly disturbed my sleep.

Stupid, stupid alarm clock!

My attempts at killing the alarm where wholly unsuccessful since the only thing I managed to do was send the little black clock crashing into the carpet where it kept on beeping loudly and completely out of range of my arms.

Damn.

"UGH!" I tried to sit up, my head pounding with the aftereffects of last night's attempt to 'drink Edward out of my head' (Alice came up with that one) all the while still trying desperately to get enough of my brain cells to work to turn the alarm off.

Six thirty in the morning had always been an evil time of day but right now with a killer headache on top of a body and mind broken by the absence of Edward. It's an absence which, by the way, no amount of tequila or bad eighties hair rock could eradicate?

Yeah.

I felt like road kill.

No, strike that.

I felt like two week old road kill that had just been run over by the umpteenth monster truck, while ravens picked my already half eaten carcass clean off the few choice bits that were still left.

Oh my God. I was going to vomit.

In the next twenty minutes I somehow managed to get my tired ass to cooperate for long enough to drag it underneath the shower and cram it into some clothes in a desperate attempt to make it look slightly less like death warmed up and more like something belonging in a swanky, fashion magazine office space.

The end result was tolerable, though nothing more than that.

_Ah well, it's not like I have to walk the runway or something. _I shrugged, dunking the towel I'd used to dry my hair in the hamper before I grabbed my stuff and stuffed it all in the first black purse my eyes fell on. Unlike Alice, I'd never seen the need to go all out in the clothes department when all you would be doing was sit behind a desk and write. It wasn't like my desktop computer was going to complain about my lack of designer ware.

Or even notice I was wearing two different socks.

After casting as quick of a glance around me as my pounding head would allow me, my eyes roaming to see if I'd missed anything, I slowly trudged into the kitchen. My hands mechanically fumbled around until I'd got the coffee running and a bowl of cornflakes and yoghurt sitting on top of the breakfast bar, accompanied by a bottle of water and some aspirin.

The Breakfast of champions for all those hung over and too lazy to cook something special.

Not that I was particularly hungry for it, though. I cringed, looking at the lumpy substance in front of me, my stomach revolting against the prospect of food while my head carefully tried to insist that going to work on an empty stomach would be far worse.

I was getting too old for this kind of thing.

Not that I'd ever done this before.

At least….not very often.

I mean, the times I'd gotten drunk could be counted on the fingers of one hand and somehow they had all occurred in the last couple of years while living in New York.

I snorted, stirring the muesli even further into the yoghurt before bringing a huge bite to my mouth, the grains crunching loudly between my teeth as I chewed. _Maybe dad was right after all. Maybe Alice was a bad influence on me. _

"Urgh!"

I snickered, immediately regretting it when it only made the pounding in my head worse. _Apparently Alice was awake too._

"Why did I have to drink my weight in tequila again?" Alice complained rubbing her temples as she slinked into the kitchen, her lavender robe billowing after her and matching her white and blue floral pajama's perfectly. _Of course. Even in her sleep, Alice Brandon would be perfectly groomed and accessorized. _

"Because you thought it would make us miss our men less?" I offered, pointing at the aspirin and the water bottle already waiting for her on the breakfast bar as I waited for the coffee to finish percolating.

"Ah, yes," Alice cringed. "Will you do me a favor and please slap me over the head with a baseball bat the next time I suggest a thing like that?" She groaned, schlepping her small frame from one point to the next. "It couldn't make me feel any worse than I feel right now but the added bonus would be that I would actually get some sleep and be on time for work."

"You can still make it in on time," I shrugged.

"Not if I want to be there by seven as I always do," she grumbled, idly sipping on her water. "What's Jane going to say when I arrive at the office on time, along with the rest of the regular crew?"

"That you actually have a life?" I snorted, pouring both of us a fresh mug of coffee and sliding one over to her.

"God bless you, Isabella Swan," she breathed, a look of sheer satisfaction illuminating her face as she breathed in the rich aroma before she turned serious again. "I think Jane knows as well as everyone else does that my 'private life' is currently hanging out on a beach somewhere, shooting next fall's Victoria Secret catalog."

"It's not the end of the world, Alice," I chuckled, patting her hand as I went back to the task of eating my plain yoghurt and muesli without having it all come back up again.

Cruelty, thy name is 'hangover'.

_Right, now I was quoting wonky Shakespeare phrases in my head. The old bard and Hamlet (that is, if he were an actual person and not a figment of the brilliant imagination of aforementioned old bard) were turning over in their graves. _

_And I was making up sentences in my head with the word 'wonky' in them…as if being hung over and thinking of Shakespeare wasn't bad enough._

_That's it…I've officially lost my mind. _

"Not to you, maybe," Alice grumbled, looking at my half-eaten bowl of cereal as if there were maggots crawling through it. "I always arrive before everyone else."

"So maybe you won't get a big, bright golden star today," I sighed, rolling my eyes. "I'm sure you'll more than make up for it tomorrow."

"Yes, tomorrow," Alice mused, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl and taking a big bite out of it.

"And since you're probably as determined as I am never to drink again, things like this won't happen again, right?"

Alice nodded faintly, groaning as she put the apple down to massage her scalps. "Definitely."

"You see?" I grinned, forcing another spoon of muesli into my mouth and chewing robotically. "Things aren't as bleak as they appear."

"Meh," Alice sighed, hopping off her stool, her hands straightening the creases out of her dress. "Are you coming?"

"Give me a minute." I nodded dunking the rest of the gooey remains of my breakfast in the trash and rinsing the bowl.

A minute later we were on our way, water bottles in hand to drink away our headaches as we vowed solemnly to never drink another drop of alcohol ever again.

"How long do you think we're going to last?" Alice chuckled, both of us holding our breaths as we walked into the subway, the stale air and busyness a bit too much for our fragile states of mind.

"I'll give it two weeks," I grinned. "Maybe less if one of us hits another boyfriend crisis."

Alice smirked, taking another sip from her bottle. "You're probably right – hey watch it, asshole! These are real Prada shoes!"

The poor guy who'd dared to step on Alice's dainty, pointy little shoes shied away from her as if she were knife wielding psychotic, instead of a petite fashion editor in a bad mood. _What can I say? For someone as small as her, my cousin could muster a death glare scary enough to send even the bravest of men cowering into the corner and crying for his mommy. _

"How did things go with lover boy anyway?" she asked as we squirmed our way into the already full train cart. "I meant to ask last night but I was too busy getting wasted."

"Good." I blushed, my skin breaking out in goose bumps as I remembered the intense look in Edward's eyes when we'd made love the morning before I flew back. There's been so much emotion in his eyes, in his touch. It was more than I could bear but still never enough.

He was like an addiction and I….well, I was just another junkie panting for her next fix.

_Only three weeks until Berlin. _

"Oh my God, Isabella Marie Swan!" Alice cried, drawing way too much attention on the two of us. "You big hussy! You slept with him!"

"For Goodness sake keep your voice down you little nutcase!" I hissed, my cheeks so hot I was afraid I was going to combust as I heard a few people around us snicker.

Alice grinned triumphantly. From the look on her face you would have thought she'd just won an Olympic medal or something, not discover her best friend and cousin had gotten laid. "But you did," she continued, mercifully in a much lower voice. "Don't deny it. I can see it in your face."

I blanched, wondering for a moment if you really could see it in my face or if Alice was just shitting me. Because of you could, I'd have an awful lot of explaining to do if I ran into Jane at some point during the day.

"I was only joking, Bella!" Alice snorted, rolling her eyes at my attempts to look as 'neutral' as I could. "Jeez! For a girl who's been living in New York for the past few years you can sure be provincial sometimes!"

This time I was the one rolling my eyes. "Says the girl who grew up in small-town Michigan. Seriously, Ally, you should be proud of where you're from. I know I am. Forks is a great place and had it not been for….."

"Yeah, yeah, Yeah," Alice interrupted me. "Now quit stalling and give me the dish on you and lover boy doing the deed. You know you want to…" She was almost buzzing with her impatience to find out more. "Did he go all romantic on you? I bet he did. Where there candles? Did he make sure you got yours before he got his? Is he one of those guys who cuddle the hell out of you while you're just waiting for him to make an earnest move or doesn't he care for foreplay?"

I crossed my arms in front of my chest, smirking as I waited for Alice to finish firing off her barrage of questions. "Are you done?"

"Not in the least," she grinned back, "but I can see you're about as ready to give me some answers as you're ever going to be so let le have it."

I snorted at the eager look in Alice's eyes. "It was…."

"Good? Great? Amazing? The best you ever had?"

I shrugged, a big, goofy smile on my lips as I looked back at her. "How about all of the above?"

Alice squealed. "I know it! When did it happen? Was he gentle?" Did he…"

She stopped, muted by the finger I put on her lips. "That was all I'm going to say about it. The rest is between him and me."

"What the hell? That's not fair, Bella!" she complained, skipping after me as we changed the staleness of the underground for the crisp, fresh January air. "I gave you all the good dish when Jasper and I finally did the deed."

"And do you remember just how much I wanted to know it?" I snorted, cringing at the memories of Alice trying to foist the information on me. "Besides, it was kind of hard for me to avoid when I walked in on the two of you the next morning, wasn't it?"

She shrugged apologetically. "It's not like I planned it that way."

"I know, Ally," I smiled, ruffling her hair. "I'm just pulling your leg."

"Bitch!" She whacked me right in the shoulder with her fist but it was half-assed and completely insincere. "So, you guys are good?"

I nodded. "I think so."

"You _think_ so?" Alice repeated incredulously. "Girl, you just had sex with the guy. If there's any time in your relationship when you should be sure, it's right now."

Another shrug. "Its complicated." It was, but for all the complications the situation wasn't nearly as complex as my reluctance to talk about it.

And, as always, Alice saw right through it. "I'm a smart girl," she told me, calmly but in that familiar, compelling way that told me resistance was futile. "Try me."

I sighed, trying to draw out the silence to get more time to straighten out my head. "I guess….it's just….when I'm with him everything's perfect. You know how it is…."

"Yeah," Alice smiled encouragingly. "Go on."

"But the minute we're apart and I get to thinking about things…It all gets so complicated and I think….."

"What?"

I swallowed, biting back the sense of dread that always welled up when I allowed these thoughts to find their voice in my mind. "It's like he isn't as invested in this relationship as I am." I felt defeated, admitting it out loud, my shoulders sagging with the weight I had been carrying around for days.

Alice laced her arm through mine, her closeness giving me strength I needed more than anything. "Is it the location thing?"

"It's part of it," I nodded, "But it's not just that. If it had been just the location thing….."

"You would have moved out there?" The lack of surprise in Alice's voice shocked me almost as much as her understanding. "You've been talking about it?"

"I love him, Ally," I shrugged. 'What else am I supposed to do?"

"Then what's stopping you?" she asked.

I had difficulty swallowing around the lump that was forming in my throat. "Frankly, I'm not that sure of it's what _he'd_ want."

"You're not?" Alice frowned. "Why?"

"I don't know." I blinked, trying to keep the tears at bay. "It's just a feeling I get every now and then. It's….Like for instance back in London when his sister stumbled upon us…."

"You met his sister?" Alice gasped. "Why didn't you tell me? What was she like?"

"She's amazing," I smiled, thinking about the lively young woman and the much needed lightness she'd brought to our morning. "But the thing is….He never – not once – hinted that he wanted me to meet his family. In fact…when Bea stumbled upon us he was completely shocked and for a moment….."

I shook my head. "For a moment I got the feeling that he was incredibly pissed off that she'd taken the initiative to search us out."

"So you're thinking he doesn't want you to meet his family?" Alice tilted her head, frowning as she trying to think along.

"I don't know what to think, Ally," I sighed. "All I do know is that while I've shared everything about my family with him, all I've found out about _his_ was by accident; either because he _had_ to say something or because something accidentally slipped out."

"Do you think he does it on purpose?"

"I wouldn't be with him if I did," I muttered. "I've been the fool once too often to allow a guy to play games with me. It's just….I don't know if I can do this…." I paused, taking a much needed breath to calm myself. "If I can be in a relationship with a guy who constantly seems to keep me at arm's length."

"But he loves you, right?" Alice asked, her forehead scrunched up in thought. "You did make him say it before you….you know?"

"I did," I confirmed, "and I know he does but sometimes I kind of wonder if that's enough."

Alice looked puzzled. "If what's enough?"

"If it's just enough for two people to love each other and want to make it work," I confessed. "Sometimes we're just so….different. It makes me wonder if we'd ever really stand a chance in the long run or if the distance thing is actually what's keeping us together right now. I don't know, maybe it's better to just walk away now, knowing that I love him like I've never loved anyone before but can't be with him right now because being with him will ultimately….."

"Break your heart?" Alice offered, smiling sadly.

"Yeah." I rubbed my eyes, collecting the moisture before it could fall.

Alice nodded. "So did you talk to him about it?"

"No," I confessed, biting my lip. "I didn't want to be _that_ girl. You know? The whiney kind of girl who wants to know what her boyfriend is thinking all the fucking time? Besides…" I blushed, "we had other stuff on our minds."

"You _have_ to talk to him about it, Bells," Alice insisted. "If you want to make thing work, you have to be sure that you can trust him with your heart….and he needs to know the same of you."

"I know," I muttered,. "But it's so…."

"Hard?" Alice offered, the two of us shuffling into the elevator. "I know, sweetie. But that's relationships for ya."

I smirked. "You know? Sometimes I really hate being a grownup. Things were so simple back in the day when I thought my dad was a hero who never did anything wrong and I thought penises were just meant for boys to show off their superior peeing skills."

Alice snorted. "What?"

I chucked. "It's what dad told me when I asked him about the difference between boys and girls."

The elevator stopped at our floor right that moment and, though Alice was dying to know all about my mom's reaction when she found out what Charlie had told me, we had to take our leaves; Alice darting off to the left and I to the right where the writing staff had their offices.

"Jane wants to see you first thing," Riley announced, smiling apologetically, before my ass had even made contact with my office chair. "You'd better run. She looked like someone had just pissed on her Manolo's."

I snorted. "Seriously, Riley? Where do you come up with all that shit?"

"What can I say?" Riley grinned, spinning his chair around like he was riding a carrousel. "I'm the genius of all pop-culture references. It's why Jane send me – me, and only me – to interview Lady Gaga."

Charlotte's groan could be heard reverberating from her cubicle before her face emerged from behind the partition wall. "No, you fucking idiot, she did that just to stop you from hassling her. Too bad she didn't stop to consider what sending you out there would do to us."

She was right. Even with the limited amount of office time I'd clocked in over the last couple of weeks, even I had grown tired of Riley's constant bragging about meeting his big idol.

Make no mistake: I was insanely happy for him but there was only so much gloating a person could take. I pitied Charlotte who had to put up with that shit six days a week.

"What are you still doing here, Bella?" Charlotte asked next. "You heard the 'little monster' over there: Jane wants you in her office like an hour ago."

"Right." I closed my eyes, sucking in a few deep breaths as I tried to get my head to stop pounding for a second so that I could take stock of my thoughts.

"Or did life in the fast lane make you suicidal already?" Charlotte teased. "Because if it did, you know I'd be more than happy to step in and take your place."

"That won't be necessary," I chuckled, watching the glimmer of hope fall from her face. It's not like I was going to let her swoop in and take my place at Edward's side in Berlin.

Not.

Ever.

I didn't stay to hear Riley complain to Charlotte about her calling him a monster, choosing instead to see what it was that Jane wanted to talk to me about, my palms slightly sweaty as I tried to come up with possible things I could have done wrong.

Was there something wrong with one of my articles again? I thought the Florida piece could have had a little more 'oomph' but was it really that bad for her to pull me into her office for a slap on the wrist?

I didn't think so.

Besides….it wasn't that different from the Paris article and she'd loved that. In fact, she'd become almost sentimental when she read it (at least, as far as Jane could become sentimental, which basically meant that there was a hint of a twitch somewhere around her mouth to indicate a movement of the mind that didn't fall under the usual 'annoyed' category).

_Did she find out about Edward and me?_

_Oh, God! I hope she didn't! _

"You took your sweet time!" Rose growled as soon as I stepped into the outer office. "Jane's been on the war path all morning and with you slacking off guess who bore the brunt of her bad mood?"

She scowled, not waiting for me to answer her question. "Yeah, that's right: _me_!"

"Good morning to you too, Rose," I greeted her stoically, barely resisting the urge to roll my eyes. Contrary to what Charlotte might have thought, I wasn't suicidal. "You look particularly radiant today. Had a good 'date' yesterday?"

Everyone who knew Rose knew what was going on if she was sporting that healthy, all-American cheerleader glow she was rocking right that moment. Yup. There was no doubt about it. She'd not only been on a date but had also already rounded just about every base in the field.

Not that that was something I wanted to really think about right now.

There was a slight moment of uncertainty and, dare I say it, almost panic, flashing over Rose's normally so perfectly controlled features, before she managed to compose herself, haughtily averting her eyes to log something into her computer as she spoke. "You'd better go in. She's suspecting you."

It didn't escape my notice that she didn't answer my question. Which was odd since normally I'd be the one stopping Rose from over sharing stuff about her love life I had no desire whatsoever to know.

Weird.

Very weird.

I didn't have much time to contemplate my friend's strange behavior though, since another five or so paces found me knocking on Jane's door and entering a few seconds afterwards, when my boss' sharp voice called me in.

"You work for a fashion magazine, Isabella," Jane reamed me as soon as she spotted me from over her reading glasses. "You should at least _attempt_ to look the part."

I tried to hold back my smirk. _If only she'd seen me when I woke up this morning._ "I'm sorry, Jane. I was in a rush to get out this morning."

I knew there wasn't that much wrong with the stuff I had on that day. Sure, the striped, oversized pullover and jeans combo may have been a bit causal for the workplace and I should have thought better than to pair them with a pair of comfy sneakers but it wasn't like I looked like I'd gone dumpster diving that morning. I'd just been so preoccupied with finding clothes that matched together that thinking about the appropriateness had kind of slipped my mind.

_Oops_.

"I do hope that this is not the image you present of yourself when you're out there doing your job," Jane droned on, emphasizing the 'out there' part by turning her office chair so that she could face the floor-to-ceiling windows looking out over Manhattan and beyond.

"Of course not," I quickly replied, cringing inwardly when I remembered the day in Paris where I'd worn exactly the same outfit I had on right then. "I always try to look professional when I'm doing my job but it's just that…."

"I grow so tired of all these excuses people keep throwing at me all day," she complained, her face hard and unreadable as she spun the chair around again to face me. "Just see that it doesn't happen again."

"It won't." I bit my lip, trying to keep both my frustration and embarrassment out of my expression as I stood there, scolded like an eight years old kid brought before the headmistress for pulling another kid's hair.

"Which brings me to the topic at hand."She leaned forward, balancing her elbows on her desk as she peered at me. "The gala is coming up in a couple of weeks and I want you looking sharp and a hundred percent on your game that night."

I nervously licked my lips, the narrowing of her eyes telling me that she required me to speak at that point. "Alice has assured me she's already found the perfect outfit," I started, conveniently omitting the fact that I was so afraid her perfect and my perfect were so many miles apart that I'd avoided seeing said outfit until the night I'd have to wear it for fear of chickening out.

"Good," Jane nodded. "Alice knows how one is supposed to dress to occasions. I'm confident that she will make you look like you belong there on the night."

I bit my lip, silently receiving her ill-concealed swipe. "She's very good."

Jane merely hummed, clasping and unclasping her hands as she studied me, her iron stare making the sweat trickle down my back as I squirmed. "Have you contacted Jacob Black yet?"

"No?" I frowned, trying desperately to remember whether or not she'd ordered me to do so.

"And he has not contacted you until now?" she went on, her lips pursing in frustration.

I shook my head. Was he supposed to have? Because I couldn't remember Jane ordering me to give him a call or do anything else but attend the benefit with him. "He hasn't."

"Dear Lord in heaven!" Jane sighed dramatically, lifting her eyes to the heavens as she sat back in her chair, glaring at me. "Why is it so hard for people to just complete a simple task?"

"I'm sorry Jane," I scrambled to defend myself. "I didn't know…..I wasn't sure if…."

"Just call him, Bella," Jane ordered, her eyes sharp as razorblades as she fixed me in place just when I was gearing up to run or at the very least duck out of the way. "It's not like it's so much to ask for you to pick up the phone and give him a ring." She huffed, the summit of annoyance, as she continued to glare at me.

_Yeah, right. Like calling a complete stranger whom your boss had foisted upon you to be your date for an event you'd rather not go to was the most normal thing in the world._ But I couldn't exactly say that so I settled for a simple, "Okay."

"Very well." At least the vein in Jane's forehead had calmed down again, indicating that, for the time being, her frustration level was down to an acceptable (and less dangerous) level.

Still, the anticipated dismissal didn't come. Instead Jane looked rather unsettled. "There's one more matter I need to run by you."

"Okay." Between my nerves and my chock at seeing Jane's usually so solid mask of confidence crack, the fidgeting was back in full force. "Was there something wrong with one of my articles?"

"No, your articles are fine," Jane was quick to reassure me. "In fact, they are so fine that-,"

She sighed, her thin, almost skeletal fingers, removing the reading glasses from her nose and folding them neatly before placing them on top of her desk before she continued. "It has been suggested that compiling your columns into a travel guide, something midway between a vacation diary and a factual guide, would be a good idea to increase the profitability of your column."

The careful way in which she avoided telling me who'd suggested it or what her own stance in the matter was, told me all I needed to know.

_Aro_.

It had been her step-father who'd suggested the idea, which meant that Jane automatically hated it. The way her jaws had seemed to have become locked like those of a pit-bull terrier clamping down on its prey told me that she wasn't completely averse to it, though. Or at least, she wouldn't have been had it not been for Aro suggesting it.

It meant that I would have to thread very carefully on this.

"What do _you_ think?" I asked cautiously, trying to keep my face as neutral as I possibly could while inside my thoughts were whirling like an F5 tornado.

"What do _I_ think?" Jane sat back, looking rather amused. "I have to say, Miss Swan. You're starting to get better at this by the day."

I swallowed hard, my tongue darting nervously around my lips to wet them as I tried to come up with the correct reply. "Well….I…I don't think…."

"Enough." She held up her hand to stop me. "If you want to know what I think….."

She paused, the silence excruciating as her eyes scrutinized me for possible signs of weakness. "I think you'd be a fool not to take this offer," she went on. "I think it's the best chance at making a name for yourself outside of the _Epicenter_ universe you'll ever get."

"But-," I started, only to be interrupted immediately. _What about Epicenter?_ I was so confused. Was she really saying that I should just forget about my job and my history here and start working for the man she despised? None of this made any sense.

"You will have my support as long as you remember where your loyalties lie," she spoke sternly.

"How could I forget?" I answered, not really thinking about how brown-nosey my reply sounded before the words had already left my mouth. "I mean, this magazine took a chance on me when I had nowhere else to go and almost no credentials to my name. I know where my loyalty lies."

There was a hint of a smile playing around her mouth as Jane looked at me, outwardly satisfied with my reply. "Good girl."

I nodded, breathing a stealthy sigh of relief. If I was a dog, I'd be wagging my tail right at that moment.

"A representative from the Volturi Publishing House will contact you in a couple of days to set up a meeting."

"Okay." The thought of going through the process of becoming a published author made my skin break out in a nervous sweat. _I – little old me – was going to be a real writer. Who would have thought?_ "Thank you so much for this opportunity, Jane. I can't put into words how much it means."

"That will be all." She waved her hand to dismiss me, her attention already back on the papers in front of her.

I walked out of the office completely stunned, Rose's face mimicking mine as soon as I shared what had just gone down.

"Wow Bella," she sat back, her hands folded in front of her stomach, "this is…."

"Huge? Daunting? Completely terrifying?" I interrupted her. "Yeah, I know."

"I was going to go with amazing but then again, I'm not a completely neurotic control freak like you," Rose snorted. "This is good news, Bella. You should celebrate this, not walk around like you've just been handed your death sentence."

I rolled my eyes. "I know, Rose. Allow me a few minutes to be completely blown away, will you?"

"Jeez! Go and chew my head off for caring." Rose huffed, her perfectly manicured fingers typing away on her keyboard as she pretended to be insulted.

I chuckled, her reaction quick and evasive as I tried to ruffle her hair. "I love you too, Rose."

Her disgruntled reply followed me all the way to my desk, my heart skipping a beat or two when the blinking red light on my Blackberry told me I had a new message.

Could it be him?

I glanced at the clock.

It was only ten, which meant that in Rome it was four in the afternoon.

My heart sank again. Edward's flight had left London's Heathrow Airport at three and since the flight time from London to Rome was at least two and a half hours, there was no possible way could have sent me that message. _It's probably mom, asking me if I remembered where dad always put the hida-key because she'd managed to lock herself out. Again. _

I sighed, dejectedly pulling my phone out of its case and scrolling to the unread message.

Edward.

A huge smile broke out, my whole body tingling with needy anticipation as I read his message, my lips mimicking the words my eyes landed on as I clutched my phone like the lifeline it was.

_I miss you._

_Call you at eight NY time?_

_E._

Tears started to pool in my eyes as I read his words but I couldn't be sure if they came from the sadness of not having him by my side at that moment or the happiness of knowing that he thought of me as much as I thought of him.

For a moment all of my doubts and worries vanished like snow before the sun, my heart thumping in my chest as my fingers absentmindedly played with the heart shaped pendant hanging from the charm bracelet he'd given me.

Edward loved me.

He thought of me as much as I did of him.

He wanted to speak to me as much as I wanted to speak to him.

His heart ached for me as much as mine ached for him and for the moment we would be together again.

That would have to be enough. _For now. _

I quickly composed a reply, my fingers flying over the keyboard as I typed, a fierce blush of happy anticipation on my cheeks as I counted the hours until eight.

_I can't wait._

_Miss you too._

_So much._

_B._

"What did the dragon lady want?" I looked up to see Riley's head hovering above the division wall, his eyes curious and demanding as his fingers tapped along the hardboard wall to the rhythm of Lady Gaga's latest single.

I shrugged, trying to feign indifference. "She offered me a book deal."

Riley's eyes grew twice as big. "Charlotte! Get your pretty little ass in here stat!"

"What the fuck Riley?" Charlotte emerged from her own little office her brows pulling into a frown as she spotted the two of us huddled together like a bunch of Football players deciding which tactic to go with. "This better be good."

"Oh, believe me, darling," Riley grinned. "It is."

One of Charlotte's brows arched up. "Bella? Care to help me out here?"

I giggled, noticing how they'd both crept closer and closer to me, their eyes wide with anticipation as they waited for me to speak again. "Jane, better said: Aro, through a very reluctant Jane, offered me a deal to expand my travel columns into a full travel guide," I explained.

"No shit!" Charlotte cried. "She wants to launch you?"

I nodded, trying to swallow around the big, bad lump of panic that was forming in my throat again. "Seems like it. She even hinted at it becoming a book series if the first one's successful."

"Wow!" Riley gushed. "This is big, Swannie!"

"Yeah," I croaked, feeling more overwhelmed by the second. "I know."

"You could be like the next Carrie Bradshaw!" he went on.

"What the fuck, Riley?" Charlotte snorted, whacking him over the head. "Bella's writing isn't anything like _Sex and the City_ you idiot.

"It is!" Riley cried indignantly. "Well, minus the sex and hot men, though I totally googled that photographer you use and he's completely hot, by the way. Oh and the three slightly promiscuous friends are nowhere in sight either, though I think that the 'Divine Miss Hale' has a bedpost about as notched as Samantha's."

"Are you calling me a slut, Biers?" Rose's sharp sounded from right behind him as she stood. She was leaning against the entryway to our space, hand on hip and brows arched in her best bitchy look.

Riley blanched. It was no secret that his admiration for my pretty friend was eclipsed only by his fear of her sharp tongue and kickass personality. "I didn't mean it like that."

Charlotte and I tried very hard not to laugh as we watched him squirm under Rose's icy glare, though I had the feeling it was all as fake as Pamela Anderson's boobs. "You didn't mean it like _what_ exactly?" her low, menacing voice made Riley squirm like a rabbit caught in headlights.

"I didn't mean to give you the impression that I think you're anything but a virtuous maiden?" he tried, looking rather like a frightened little rabbit.

Rose snorted. "Nice try, Biers, but next time you may want to ease up on the brownnosing just a bit. I don't think I've been called virtuous or a maiden since I was in kindergarten."

"So you're basically saying you _are_ a slut," Charlotte, who was on much better terms with Rose than Riley was, remarked.

Rose shrugged. "I never said I wasn't, did I?"

"But you just….you…." Riley looked completely bawled over as he stared at Rose.

"I was just pulling your leg," Rose chuckled before turning serious again. "Anyway, I just came down here to give you a heads up that Jane will be leaving soon so you may want to start looking busy."

That got us all moving, Riley and Charlotte shooting back behind their desks as I tried to rearrange the stacks of paper in front of me to make it look as if I was actually doing something with them.

We were just in time. Jane came blazing through the office like a comet only minutes after Rose had come in to warn us, her beady little eyes piercing in every direction for any shows of weakness or people slacking off.

"God bless you, Rosalie Hale." I could hear Riley mumble as Rose walked past us, following in Jane's wake.

Rose chuckled, rolling her eyes at him as she muttered _ass kisser_ under her breath, struggling under the weight of Jane's coat and purse as well as her own stuff as she tried to keep up with the 'great dictator' who was already waiting in front of the elevators.

**oOo**

The rest of the day passed without any further upheaval, my attention fixed on the huge pile of work that had accumulated on my desk while I was away and the outline of the London piece I wanted to complete while everything was still fresh in my mind.

Which, of course, meant that more often than not my thoughts would linger on Edward and the amazing time we had together.

Having him take me to his bed had been…..frankly I couldn't even find the words to describe it. I'd never been as close to anyone as I had been to him on those moments when he moved inside me, his body joined with mine in a way so intimate and true that even now I could almost feel him on my skin.

We'd both been naked in every sense of the word.

There'd been no hiding, no fear, no doubt….nothing.

Just us.

But of course in the harsh light of day everything seemed different.

I sighed, spinning my chair to face the window, the sights of the huge glass and concrete skyscrapers surrounding me giving me a fake sense of security.

Boundaries.

I loved setting them and I loved keeping them. In my life, everything had to be ordered and structured and roped off into little predictable sections so that nothing could ever scare me as much as the discovery of my husband balls-deep inside one of his employees would.

Secrets weren't a part of my world. Not anymore. They meant uncertainty and, as I'd come to find out, uncertainty usually ended up inflicting pain in some way or another.

Lots of pain.

But what if what you desired most in life, the very thing that could make you insanely happy in the end, meant doing just that?

Going out on a limb. Taking a risk. Allowing a man to important keep parts of him hidden until he saw fit to share them with you.

I bit my lip to the point of drawing blood, taking a sip from my last cup of coffee of the day. Edward had already come such a long way from the closed book he'd been when we first met in Rome. I could see he was really making an effort to make things work between the two of us, the way he'd opened up about meeting his family again being a monumental step forward.

_But was it enough?_

The way he'd acted when Bea suggested I'd come meet his parents had hurt and confused me more than I'd let on, his silence on the matter after she left only deepening the wound. I mean, I could understand if he thought it was still a bit too early for me to meet his folks and wiggle my way into that aspect of his life but couldn't he still have had the common courtesy to at least talk to me about it?

I sighed. Maybe I was just going crazy. Maybe my heart was trying to protect itself from the pain of missing him so damn much by coming up with ways to be angry at him.

Not that anger was a particularly wholesome emotion, though, but experience had taught me it hurt less than loss and loneliness.

Maybe I was just imagining roadblocks when there weren't any.

"Are you ready to go?"

I looked up to see Alice standing right in front of me. "What?" I closed and opened my eyes as I cleared the fog from my brain and processed what she's just told me. "Yeah. I'm just about done."

"Is this the draft of the London piece?" she asked, hopping up on my desk, her eyes scanning the two printed sheets of paper that did, indeed, make up my first draft on my latest assignment. "It's good."

"You think?" I bit my lip, shuffling a few things I wanted to take home into my bag. "It's only a very rough outline."

"I can see that," she nodded, "but I can also visualize what it's going to be when it's finished. You're getting better and better at this."

I blushed. "Thanks, Ally."

"You're too hard on yourself sometimes," Alice smiled, patting my hand before hopping down again and following me to the elevators. "There's nothing wrong with having high standards and expecting the best from yourself and everybody else. However, it doesn't always have to be perfect, Bella. Sometimes you just have to trust others when they say it's good."

I sighed, lowering my voice as we squeezed into an overcrowded elevator cart. "I know, Alice. It's just….."

"Do you really think Jane, or Aro, would have offered you that book deal if they thought your work was merely tolerable." She giggled, catching my baffled look. "Rose told me. We run into each other at the viewing for that new designer Jane is backing."

She smiled, squeezing my hand when I shrugged in reply. "_They_ think you're worth it and that's saying something, Bells; not just about the way they see you but also about the way the people reading the magazine see you. If Jane and Aro think you're worthy of being launched, then you better believe that you're pretty damn good at what you do."

I sighed. "I know."

"Do you?" Alice wondered. "Because you know I'd kick your ass before I'd let you and your uncertainties ruin the best things that have come into your life since….well, ever."

Smiling, I grabbed my coat before linking my arm through Alice's on our way out. Once again Alice had managed to give me just the right kind of pep talk at the moment I needed it most. "Thanks, Ally."

"That's what best friends-slash-cousins are for, you silly!" Alice grinned, pressing the elevator button.

Arriving at our building about half an hour later, there was a package waiting for me at the concierge's desk; a big rectangular box with a note containing Edward's unmistakably elegant script stuck to the top. My heart beat a little faster, wondering what could be inside of it. Would it be something sweet, like the charm bracelet? Or something he thought I might use?

"Come on. Open it!" Alice pressed as soon as we were in our apartment; her excitement to find out what was in it almost eclipsing mine.

"Back off, you little hobbit!" I snickered, playfully pushing her away. "It's not like it _your_ present!"

"Whatever!" Alice huffed impatiently. Her eyes were huge as they shot from the box to me like she was following a tennis match, her hands twitching with her impatience to find out what was inside. "You know you wanna know what's inside as much as I do."

That, I couldn't argue with, my hands already tearing at the bow and opening the box to reveal my present.

"Ooooh! A webcam?" Alice's eyes glistened with mischief as we both hovered above the contents of the box. "The guy must really be besotted with you, you lucky girl. Now you get to do the nasty with your hot photographer boyfriend even when you're both on different sides of the Atlantic."

I almost chocked on my own spit, the look on my face sending Alice into a hysteric fit of laughter. "Come on, Bella! Please tell me the thought of having webcam-sex with your hot boyfriend has crossed your mind."

I whimpered. "No?" Funny enough, the thought of doing something so intimate over the phone had never really occurred to me, even though it probably should have. Coming from a place where sex was still very much a taboo, the thought of just blurting out your deepest darkest feelings like that, or even acting them out on front of a camera sounded kind of dirty. Though I had to admit, the thought of acting out my deepest darkest fantasies with Edward did make me feel rather hot and bothered.

"God! You're such a prude sometimes!" Alice giggled, rolling her eyes at me. "Just imagine all of the ways the two of you can make each other feel good when you're spending time apart. It's nothing to be ashamed about. People do it all the time. In fact, I'd have to say Jasper and I are pros at this shit. The things he can do with his voice will almost make me…."

"Whaawhaawhaa I can't hear you!" I cried, covering my ears to keep the intimate details of my cousin's sex life out of them. "I'm going to my room now to set this thing up and try and think about how I'm going to do this without dying of mortification."

"Have fun, Bella!" Alice giggled as she watched me leave. "Just holler if you need my help."

By the time I reached my room, my cheeks were as red as tomato's, my ears buzzing with the prospect of having long-distance sex with my boyfriend.

What if someone other than him or me was able to see us? I mean, people's accounts got hacked all the time, didn't they? I didn't much like the prospect of having my vagina posted all over the world wide web any more than I would like to have other women stare at my boyfriend's penis.

That was mine.

Mine alone.

_Oh my God!_ I clasped one hand over my mouth, almost dropping the damned webcam. _What if something happened and my dad would find out?_ Knowing my luck I might just accidentally push a button that would have him listen in on our conversation or something.

No. No. No. That could NOT be happening.

How did one have webcam sex anyway? Was it just like masturbating but with a camera pointed towards your nether regions and the sight of your significant other doing the same thing?

Wouldn't that feel a bit….porny?

These thoughts and others kept me in a tailspin for the next couple of hours until it was time for my anticipated call, my room now spic and span so that Edward wouldn't think I was living in a pigsty and my nails bitten to stumps as I watched the minutes tick by.

7:50

I frowned, looking at the clock on my desk, my nerves growing exponentially with every minute that passed.

Should I change into something less comfortable and more sexy? Then again, there wasn't a guarantee that this conversation was going to be about that. What if I answered his call in my lacy, barely there unmentionables, only to find out that all he wanted was to talk about our days? It would be incredibly embarrassing for both of us.

7:55

But what if he did expect us to….? Wouldn't he be disappointed to switch on his webcam and find me wearing an outfit that consisted a pair of ratty sweatpants and a college sweatshirt that still had that impossible-to-wash-out oily stain from when Alice had accidentally dumped the contacts of a bucket of KFC chicken wings over my chest.

Why oh why didn't I think before I grabbed the outfit closest to the bed? I mean, I knew what was going to happen so….

I jumped, yelping in surprise by the sound of my phone, ringing to the tone I'd set for Edward. "H-hello?"

"Bella." I closed my eyes, letting the velvety timbre of his voice wash over me. "How are you, sweetheart?"

"Better now that I'm talking to you," I smiled, a happy tear trickling down my face.

"I know how you're feeling," he chuckled. "Did you get my present?"

I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me. "I did."

During the next five minutes Edward patiently talked me though logging on and getting the webcam to work until finally, out of the blue, he was there.

In the flesh.

And God, was that flesh beautiful. Even in his usual getup of run-down jeans and a well-worn band t-shirt Edward looked like a Grecian God; his marble features and pale skin standing out against the shock of reddish unruly hair standing up in every direction. _How I wished he was here so that I could run my hands through it._

"You've got new pictures up on your wall," I breathed, scrunching my eyes to get a better look at the wall behind him. "They're…..they're all of me!"

"You're everything, Bella," Edward spoke, the intensity in his voice mirrored in his eyes as he stared at me, the distance between us bridged my modern day technology. "These days my pictures aren't perfect if you're not in them."

I whimpered, my bottom lip trembling between my teeth as my heart throbbed violently in my chest. "God, I miss you so much."

"So do I, sweetheart." My eyes were closed again, drinking in the sound of his voice and letting it comfort me until I felt strong enough to open them again. "You look beautiful."

I chuckled, looking down to see if my clothes had miraculously been replaced by something sexy or at least tolerable. "Are you serious?"

"Fuck, yeah!" he crooned, shifting in his seat.

Apparently my boyfriend had a thing for ratty, oil-stained sweats. _Hmmm, this may be a good thing. A very good thing. Even though it was slightly strange. _

"O-kay," I mumbled, feeling horrible insecure all of a sudden. "So what do you want to talk about?"

He smiled. "Let's start with how your day's been?"

His eyes grew to twice their size as I told him about the book deal Jane had offered me, though it was quickly replaced by a menacing glare that, I had to admit, was rather sexy when I told him about the other item on Jane's agenda.

"Again with this Jacob character!" he spoke, his voice low and menacing. "Did you find anything else about him?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea. Rose told me he was gay, though, remember?"

Just as I expected, his shoulders relaxed as he sat back and grinned, making his face look boyish and thigh-clenchingly handsome as he nodded. "You know? He may not be such a bad escort for you after all."

"Very subtle, Cullen," I chuckled. "Very subtle."

"What?" he shrugged. "Am I really such a blackguard for wanting no other straight guy to ever get his hands on my girl?"

My heart skipped a beat. "I guess not."

"The only hands that should ever touch your skin should be mine," he went on, his voice doing all sorts of amazing things to me. "Or….." his eyes sparkled with mischief. "….maybe yours?"

I sucked in a shallow breath. This was it; the moment I'd been dreading almost as much as I'd been looking forward to it. "Mine?" I squeaked out as panic and lust battled for dominance inside of me.

He sat up, his eyes blazing into the webcam with an intensity that scorched my skin all the way through my computer screen. "Do you ever touch yourself, Isabella?"

"Yes?" I managed to squeak.

"Tell me," his voice purred, "do you ever think of me when you touch yourself?"

My heart beat so fast I was afraid he could hear it. "Maybe?"

He groaned, shifting in his seat, the front of his jeans revealing the straining effect of my admission. "Do you call out my name when you make yourself cum?"

I squirmed. _Was it getting hot in here?_ "Yes?"

"Fuck, Bella!" The look on his face made my clit throb violently, my eyes following his hand as he palmed himself through his jeans.

I shifted in my seat at the sight of his hands moving over the big bulge in his pants. _Fuck! That was so hot!_ "I always think of you, Edward," I breathed, going out on a limb and a sudden surge of confidence.

He took a few deep breaths, pinching the bridge of his nose to regain command of himself though there was still no denying the lust in his eyes as he looked at me again. "Do you want to take this further, baby?" The purr of his smooth, sexy voice made me rub my thighs together with want, my panties already completely soaked through at the thought alone, though my mind was still in a state of panic. "Do you want me to make you cum?"

"Yes," I replied, not needing to hear the rest of his question to know what he was asking. "It's just…."

"What is it, angel?" His tone was low and seductive, coaxing me in the direction he wanted us to take without ever pressuring me to do anything I didn't want to.

"I…uhm…. I've never done this sort of thing before" I muttered. "So you're going to have to talk me though this."

"Fuck Bella!" I looked up to see him looking almost as if he were in pain. "You can't say shit like that."

I bit my lip. "Why not?"

"Because…." He let out an uneasy chuckle. "Because it makes me want to blow my load like a bloody fourteen year old."

"Oh." I blushed.

"Yeah." He ran his hand through his hair.

I frowned, still as unsure of the mechanics of this thing as I was before. "So do you want me to take off my clothes or should I wait?"

"Bella,"he groaned.

"What? I'm just asking!" How did he expect me to do this thing if I couldn't ask questions without him going all tormented and ready-to-burst on me?

"Just….I don't know. Get comfortable?" His voice was strained, his hand still obscuring his erection from sight.

Get comfortable. Yes. That was easier said than done.

I looked around me, trying to come up with something that would make this whole thing easier, my eyes immediately landing on my plush, meticulously made bed.

Yes. The bed. That would be comfortable, right?

"Hold on," I said, jostling my laptop and the webcam until they were both joining me on the bed. "That's better."

"It sure is," he spoke and I noticed how he'd gotten rid of his shirt along the way, my eyes drinking in every muscle and rivulet of his chest. "Now please close your eyes."

I did what he asked, the intensity of his voice multiplying now that I wasn't able to see him. "Imagine that I'm on that bed with you right now," he went on. "What would you want me to do?"

I'd want him to kiss me but even I knew that, given the limited options we had at the moment, that was impossible. So I settled for the next best thing. "I'd want you to touch me."

"Then touch yourself," he ordered, "and imagine it's my hands instead of yours manipulating your skin."

I whimpered at the thought alone, opening my eyes long enough to get rid of my hoodie, his surprised gasp at finding me completely bare underneath making me chuckle. _Why were guys always so surprised to find that women didn't wear bra's to bed. Couldn't they figure out how horribly uncomfortable it would be to go to sleep with an underwire poking you in the chest?_

"That's it, sweetheart," his voice, miraculously recomposed spoke. "Touch yourself."

I was surprised by my own brass as I palmed my breasts, my thumbs flicking over my nipples until they were hard and tense, my thighs squirming for fiction as I opened my eyes, alerted to the sound of fabric rustling as Edward bared his glorious cock to my eyes.

"Oh, yes!" I gasped, letting one of my hands wander downwards, getting rid of my pants and panties before hesitantly caressing the inside of my naked thighs as I watched him stroke himself a few times, his eyes trained to the image on his screen as he worked himself over. The sight of what he was doing to himself, his hand slowly stroking downwards before moving up again in a slightly circular motion making my pussy clench with need.

Need for him.

_So fucking hot…_I let out a guttural sound as I ran my thumb over my throbbing clit. _So good. _

"That's it, sweetheart," he groaned, his voice strained as his hands sped up. "Touch yourself. Just like that." I gasped as my fingers found my clit, rubbing moisture over it as I circled my clit in time to his strokes.

"Edward!" I moaned, my head digging further into the pillows as I felt my body tense with pleasure, one of my fingers gliding into my slick warmth intensifying the wonderful pressure building up inside of me.

"Keep doing that, angel," he panted, his voice trailing off into a groan as I added another finger and another, my thumb rubbing my clit as I fucked myself. "I'm going to cum soon. Can you cum with me?"

"So close," I moaned, feeling the first spasms of my impending orgasm rock through my body.

"Fuck, that's so hot!" he gasped, his hand moving frantically up and down his shaft, his head falling backwards as he finally lost control, my name falling from his lips as he spurted his release all over his stomach.

My eyes stayed fixed to the screen until the pressure in the pit of my stomach came to a boil and I exploded, a thousand tiny sparks bursting as I rode out my orgasm my voice moaning words my brain didn't register until I fell back on my bed, completely and utterly spent with a lazy smile playing on my lips.

Maybe this long distance thing wasn't going to be so hard after all.

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_**Maybe not ;-) After all….who doesn't want to have hot, steamy webcamsex with Edward?**_

_**The next chapter will see the long-awaited arrival of Tanya. How's excited to finally meet her?**_

_**Review and I'll tease. **_


	26. The City of Sex, Drugs & Rock'nroll

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Jadsmama deserves my undying love and gratitude for putting up with my choppy and ridiculously long sentences and making them pretty. Love ya!**_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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_**This time around, Edward is visiting my neck of the woods. **_

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**Chapter 23 – The City of Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll**

_**Where I found out just how much I was over my old life.**_

"Wish me luck," I muttered, feeling almost disappointed when, _finally_, my overstuffed weekend bag rolled onto the luggage belt.

"God!" Bella chuckled. "Bea was right! You really are scaredy-cat!"

I groaned. "I don't think you and Bea should be hanging out anymore! She's a bad influence on you!" It was as blatant a lie as any I'd ever told since watching the two of them together on that morning in London had made me even more certain of the fact that Bella was the woman I'd been waiting for all those years. My one true match.

"Right!" Bella snorted. "This isn't about your inability to put up with some mild teasing at all!"

"You're no fun!" I scowled, my indignation falling flat as I let myself get infected by Bella's humor.

"Then why did you call me?" she quipped.

"You're right," I sighed, admitting defeat. "Thanks, love. I really needed this."

"Any time," her sweet, breathy voice answered. "I mean that."

"I know," I muttered, hoisting my bag onto my shoulder. "I've gotta go."

"Okay." Even without seeing her I knew she was biting her lips. It made me want to kiss her even more than I already did. _Only a few more days….._"I'll talk to you later."

I knew what must have been going on inside her mind, the trust that spoke from her calmness making me fall in love with her even more. "I'll call you as soon as I'm settled."

"Okay."

"And Bella?"

"Yeah?" her voice sounded wary.

"I love you."

She breathed out a deep sigh. "I love you too, Edward." I breathed in deep, the sound of her sweet voice telling me she loved me made me realize that I'd finally started making the right choices in life the moment I'd chosen _her_. There was no doubt about it. I'd done the right thing, even though my closest friend seemed to think otherwise.

"Only four more days, love," I reminded her. "They'll be over before you know it."

"That's easy for you to say," Bella grumbled. You don't have a very difficult meeting with your barracuda boss coming up in half an hour."

"Ah, right." I scratched the back of my head, cursing myself for forgetting all about that. "That's today, isn't it?"

"Hmm," she hummed.

"It will be alright, Bella," I assured her, even though there was no possible way I could know that. "Just be honest with her and tell her how you feel. If anything, she'll appreciate that."

"I hope so," she sighed. "Fuck! I think that was her breezing past just now. I'd better go catch up."

"Good luck!" I tried to keep my voice light to keep her from getting even more nervous.

"Same goes for you," she chuckled, her voice clipped with anxiety. "I'll talk to you tonight."

And just like that she was gone, my free hand clenching as I slid my phone back into the pocket of my jeans, trying not to give into the murderous rage I felt when I thought about the conversation Bella was about to have with her boss.

This kind of stuff shouldn't be happening.

Bella should never have been exposed to a prime asshole like Jared Fox, lording over her like he was the bloody Messiah of travel journalism and she was a maggot falling into his food.

She'd been in tears when she called me, the trip to Colorado she'd been looking forward to ever since she got home from London turning into a nightmare. On their first night on location the fucker had had the balls to berate her on a lack of professionalism and blatantly told her to stay behind in the lodge like a bloody obstinate four year old toddler because he was sure she was going to damage his career if she tagged along.

If I'd had the money to pay for an airplane ticket to Denver, I would have been on a plane that night and the fucker who'd dared to make my girl cry would have been six feet under the next day.

But I didn't.

I'd never felt quite as powerless as I had that night, listening to Bella's sobs as she relayed every despicable, underhanded attack the asshole had launched at her. Still, at least I'd been able to help her calm down and get her to go back out there the next day and meet every single assault the fucker could launch at her with a head held high.

_I was so damn proud of her._

She'd come back late yesterday evening, completely wiped out by four days of mental warfare, her eyes dropping shut halfway through our conversation and her soft snores filling the air a moment later as I watched her, her face relaxed and her lips slightly open as she slept.

It hadn't been the first time I watched her sleep, wishing I was lying next to her, holding her, instead of looking at her through my computer screen.

Over the last couple of weeks we'd explored just about every benefit the webcam had to offer. It had been the best fifty Euros I'd ever spent since it meant that not only did I have her voice, talking to me every night, I could also see her face. It made it easier to get through my days, knowing that her sweet smile would greet me at the end of it, but at the same time it made being apart from her even harder than it already was, my hands dying to touch her almost as much as my lips longed to taste her. Every part of her.

Most of the times we just talked, going over our days and our plans and pitching ideas for the upcoming trip to Berlin but there were times when our conversation would trail off in more sensual directions and I'd have the honor of watching her beautiful place face flush with lust and exertion as the mixed efforts of my voice an her hands brought her to orgasm.

Those were the nest nights.

I chuckled, remembering the morning when, after another particularly steamy evening, I woke up on the sofa, my body stiff from sleeping at an awkward angle and my limp dick hanging out of my pants, almost frozen to a popsicle from having been exposed to the chilly February air for most of the night.

But it was all worth it.

The sight of Bella, her naked body hardly covered by the thick duvet was one I would gladly risk penile hypothermia for.

Clearing my head before I pitched a tent in the middle of a busy airport arrivals hall, I walked through customs, a familiar face framed by a huge mass of blonde curls greeting me on the other end.

"Heidi," I smiled, walking straight into her open arms. "It's good to see you."

"It's great to see you too, Edward," she breathed. "We've all been so worried about you."

"You're all daft!" I chuckled. "I've been fine."

She stepped away, her eyes scanning me for signs of wear and tear. "You're right, of course," she finally spoke, obviously satisfied with what she saw. "But with the state you were in when you left Berlin….well, you can't blame us for being worried."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I debated how much trouble I'd be in if I lit up a cigarette in here_. Judging by the amount of police lounging around the place, a lot._ "I guess I can't. Where is…."

"She's at home, resting," Heidi explained before I could even finish the question. "She was sorry she couldn't be here to pick you up but…."

"She's not ill, is she?" I asked.

"No!" Heidi chuckled. "Didn't she tell you? She's pregnant."

The news struck me like a lead pipe. So she'd done it, she'd gotten pregnant. And she didn't tell me, her best friend in the world. It hurt even though I'd been the one to open this gap between us. "What?" I gasped, now really needing a cigarette. "How?"

"Well," Heidi snorted, my expression apparently completely bloody hilarious. "When a woman and a woman love each other, they find a man _verrückt_ enough to jack off into a little plastic cup and….."

"I know the mechanics, Heidi," I groaned, not really feeling up to going over all of that again. "I meant…."

"Peter," she stated.

"You mean….."

"Yep," she nodded. "After you…..well…" I cringed at her subtle stab, knowing I deserved it. If fact, I had to give her a whole lot of credit for acting like the whole thing was water under the bridge when I knew it probably wasn't. Heidi, meanwhile, went on, as stoical as always. "I guess when he realized how hard up we were, he took pity on us and changed his mind."

"Bloody hell," I breathed. "Are you sure it's okay for me to stay over? I mean…..between the two of them it would be pretty bloody awkward."

"They're okay with it as long as you are," Heidi shrugged, obviously not seeing anything weird about this thing.

I frowned, not quite sure what to think. "Oh."

"What did you expect?" she snorted. "Did you think they'd be coming after you with pitchforks as soon as you set foot into our new home? Tanya may be slightly tempestuous in character but not even she's as rancorous as that!"

"I know!" I quickly defended myself. "I just….Honestly, I don't know what to think. God! I really need a smoke."

"Be quick about it, then," Heidi said, shaking her head as I sparked up as soon as we were in the open, a deep groan of satisfaction emerging as I inhaled the thick, sharp smoke after spending more than four gruesomely stressful hours without. "I don't want Tanya to be on her own for too long."

I couldn't understand why. If Tanya was resting as she said, wouldn't it be better for Heidi to skip off for a few minutes longer? What was she planning to do? Sit at the edge of the bed and stare?

_Yeah, just like you did with Bella this morning and the morning before….you sick son of a bitch. _I scowled, folding my lips around the butt of the cigarette, the sound of my subconscious berating me being about as welcome as nails on a chalkboard.

"Let's go!" Heidi was buzzing with impatience, her long legs speeding off almost the second I'd chucked the end of my smoke in the gutter.

I jogged after her, the bags on my shoulder slamming into my legs as I tried to keep up. "You know…I'm all for…. punctuality," I gasped, wondering if this was what they meant about your physical condition deteriorating with every cigarette you smoked, "…but don't…don't you think you're….overdoing….it….just a bit?"

Heidi merely rolled her eyes but at least she'd stopped, allowing me to catch up. "You would be too, if you had a pregnant girlfriend at home."

Well, if she wanted to shut me up, she just succeeded. Bella pregnant. The thought both excited me and completely freaked me out, my mind conjuring up the image of a little girl with Bella's eyes twirling around as I tried to capture her on film. _Maybe in a few years, when I'd actually grown up enough to even start thinking about being someone's dad. _

She allowed me two minutes to catch my breath before marching off again; her pace a little slower than it had been before as we wove our way through the maze of corridors and pathways leading to the parking lot.

"Over here," Heidi spoke, coming to a stop next to a brand new Volkswagen New Beetle.

"What happened to the _Trabant_?" I asked, the new car a sharp contrast to the old, almost homely East-German car that had been their trusty companion throughout their time in Berlin.

"Tobias borrowed it for this art show he wanted to get to in Heidelberg but folded it around a bridge head before he was even halfway there" Heidi shrugged. "It was beyond repair. Poor baby."

"And Tobias?" I remembered him, a lanky, upbeat, perpetually stoned young guy with long, blond curly hair that had gotten him laid more often than I could count. _Really, the boy only had to so much as look at a girl and twirl his hair and she was taking her knickers off._

"Two broken ribs, some bruises and a black eye from where Tanya punched him," Heidi summed up with a laugh, "but he's as good as new again right now. Bragging about the whole near-death-experience thing too, the idiot."

"Tanya must have been heartbroken," I smirked, remembering how fond she was of that car, up to the point where she made it new coverings for its car seats every damn season.

Heidi let out a bitter smile. "It happened late last November." She paused, her mouth settling in a hard line as she stared out in front of her, deliberately avoiding me. "She had other things worrying her back then."

I cringed, knowing just what those things were and how much I was responsible for them. "I'm sorry, Heids. If things had been different…."

"I know." Heidi looked at me, her face sad but understanding, as she started the car, the engine purring to life underneath us as she deftly maneuvered out of the garage. "And believe it or not: so does Tanya. It doesn't make the blow any less painful, though."

"Is she still angry?" I asked cautiously, keeping my eyes fixed on the dull scenery of office buildings and industrial complexes as I wondered again, as I had done so many times for the past couple of weeks, what on earth had possessed me to take Tanya up on her offer of staying in their guest bedroom.

"Honestly? I don't know," Heidi answered.

"I guess there's only one way to find out," I chuckled wryly, watching the offices slowly give way to fields, the flatness of the land even more striking from eye level than it was from the plane.

So organized…..so neat, so tidy. _I'm going to go crazy over here before a week had passed._

Soon the outskirts of the city of Amsterdam swallowed us, high-rise office buildings looming over us from both sides of the highway as Heidi sped along, cussing out her fellow road users when she thought they weren't moving fast enough or making moves that encumbered her freedom to act like the devil on wheels.

"Seriously, Heidi," I croaked, one hand wrapped tightly around the handle attached to the roof while the other held on to the seat for dear life. "Are you trying to get us both killed? I daresay Tanya will still be there if you drove…ooh say, only ten miles an hour over the speed limit."

"Oops!" Heidi giggled, her girlish laughter doing nothing whatsoever to rebuild my trust in her driving capabilities. "Tanya's always going on about how I should curb my road rage when other people are around. I guess I forgot."

"You think?" I breathed, slowly untangling my crampy fingers from the handle as she slowed down to a less frightening tempo.

"Oh hush!" she chuckled, steering onto the exit that would take us into the city. "Were almost there."

I nodded, even though the generic housing blocks that surrounded us didn't really make me feel like I was in the center of Amsterdam at all.

That soon changed as we progressed further into the city, the rundown white and brick nineteen sixties apartment blocks soon changing into the varied mix of high, narrow multicolored canal houses that gave the city their fame.

"Do you live in one of those?" I asked.

Heidi shook her head, muttering a few curses in German at a cyclist flashing in front of us at breakneck speed, his rear wheel almost getting clipped by the car as it squeaked to a sudden stop. "We live in an old Carthusian convent actually."

I snorted. "What?"

"Yeah," she chuckled. "I know. It's very artsy, though."

"I'll see it before I believe it," I grinned.

"Those were exactly the same words I spoke when Tanya suggested the place," Heidi said, "but then I saw it."

"When did you guys move in again?" I knew Tanya had started her new job at the _Rietveld Academy_ a few weeks ago at the start of the Spring semester but with things being the way they were between the two of us, information had been rather sparse.

"The first week of January," Heidi explained. "It's still a mess, though."

"I'm sure it will be fine," I shrugged. "Besides, it can't be any worse than my place is."

"Right!" Heidi giggled. "I forgot your track record when it comes to cleaning. How long since you mucked the place out?"

I frowned doing the math in my head. "I dunno. I think it may have been a couple of weeks ago." In fact, I knew pretty damn certain that the last really good scrub of the place had happened the day before Bella set foot inside it.

"_Du bist ein richtiges schwein_, Edward!" Heidi gasped, falling, as was usual for her when her emotions were strong, into her German mother tongue. "I really don't know how you can live like that!"

"You're a girl," I shrugged. "I could spend hours trying to explain all the awesomeness of masculine uncleanness but you'd never understand. It's genetically fixed."

"Right," Heidi snorted, obviously not completely convinced by my superior logic. _But then again, she was a girl._ "We're here."

Emerging from the car, the first thing that struck me about the building was the austere look of it. Heidi had told me it used to be a monastery but it might as well have been an army barrack for its strict, almost unwelcoming brownish brick façade that stood out against the much cozier period townhouses that surrounded it.

"I know!" Heidi giggled. "Again, your reaction is about the same as mine."

I shot her an incredulous look. "And you're serious Tanya wanted to live here?"

Heidi nodded, her blonde hair dancing around her face. "She was quite adamant."

"Huh." I looked back at the building, still completely unable to merge the rigid turn-of-the-century building style with the artsy and slightly cookie woman I knew.

"It gets better once you get inside," Heidi chuckled, impatiently tugging on my sleeve. "Come on."

She was right. Inside their apartment the artsy, feminine touches of both Tanya and Heidi where everywhere, from the bright orange walls to the eclectic, customized furniture and the scent of joss sticks and scented candles. It was almost an exact copy of the apartment I'd shared with them in Berlin. The only difference was the view from the windows.

"See?" Heidi grinned proudly. "I was right, wasn't I?"

"About what?" I looked up to see Tanya stroll into the living room, her hair a complete rat's nest on top of her head and her eyes sleepy as she trudged towards the fridge, pulled out a bottle of juice and downed it in one big gulp.

"About the apartment looking better than excepted," I chuckled. "Hi Tanya. Long time no see." Being face to face with her felt good. Really good. Even in spite of all the stuff that had happened between us and the fact that she was now pregnant with another bloke's baby, she was still _my_ Tanya. My best friend.

"Edward!" Her arms were locked around my neck before I could even register her moving from the kitchen to the living room. "It's so good to have you here."

She let out a happy sigh, her head leaning on my shoulder as I hugged her back, breathing in the familiar scent of flowers and hippie woman. "I've missed you, Flippy."

I chuckled, tightening my arms around her as I shook my head. "I've missed you too, T-Rex." Being close to her again reminded me of all the things she'd done for me; the way she'd saved my ass a million times in class and kept me from killing myself, be it slowly through drugs or fast because of the black hole I'd been sinking further and further into, after Vicky had all but destroyed me. She'd picked up the pieces and stood by me when everyone else deserted me and for that I'd always be her friend. Even if I had to admit I'd been a very lousy one of late.

"What's with the nicknames?" I barely managed to stifle a groan as the thick German accent of Heidi's brother Peter (and yes, they both hated their parents for being stoned enough to think those names were cute) rose up from behind Tanya's back.

Peter had been a regular visitor to our apartment back in Berlin but because he'd still been matriculated in the _Hochschule für Grafik und Buchkunst _in Leipzig he hadn't been around that much. He'd been around enough, though, for me to realize just how much of a bloody tool he was.

And from the look of him, it seemed that he hadn't changed all that much.

He still sported that artificial 'I'm so very highbrow and that makes me better and holier than thou' disdainful look on his face which was topped off by the summit of all hipster outfits – skinny jeans and little black vest included – which might have looked good on some people but on him.

He looked ridiculous. I mean, the guy was wearing a hat indoors.

Bloody poser! Who the hell wore a fucking hat in his own bloody living room? Did he expect some sudden gust of wind to attack him and mess with his hair or something? Or was he just going prematurely bald?

"I'm not sure, actually," Heidi chuckled. "They've been calling each other that ever since before we met. I think it's a London thing."

Tanya snickered, raising her brows as she untangled herself from our hug, silently asking me if I wanted to do the honors.

"Go ahead," I shrugged. "It's not like it's going to be any better coming from me."

Something dark traveled across Peter's face, his lips pulling into a sneer as he tugged on Tanya's arm until she was standing next to him. _Right, are you going to piss on her leg to claim your territory too now, you idiot?_

"Flippy is Flippy well….." Tanya started off, barely able to contain her humor. "If you'd ever seen him attempt sports or just about anything above a normal walking tempo, you'd know."

I scowled, playfully nudging her side. "And T-Rex…." I shrugged. "You've all seen her when she's angry, right?"

"Why didn't I ever think of that!" Heidi giggled. "She even has the flaily little arms down to a 't'!"

"Ugh!" Tanya groaned, suddenly not so eager to dig up old nicknames anymore."Why did we invite you again?"

"Because you couldn't stand the idea of me staying in a hotel while I was in town?" I offered.

"Huh!" Tanya huffed. "I must have been crazy."

"Pregnancy will do that to a woman," I joked, gasping when she jabbed me right in the ribs. "I'm glad you invited me, though, Tan. Pregnancy looks good on you."

"Thanks." She blushed rubbing the slight, barely even noticeable bump protruding from her stomach.

I turned to Peter. "And I guess I should congratulate you as well."

"I guess you do," Peter answered, his voice cool as he squeezed my hand a little too tight for it to still be a friendly handshake.

_Sodding idiot!_

"Let's finish out tour," Heidi offered, sensing the awkwardness in the air as she pulled me back into the hallway to show me the upstairs bedroom she and Tanya shared and the adjacent guest bedroom they'd been turning into a nursery.

"I love what you've done to the walls," I remarked, letting my eyes glide over the half finished murals that covered the walls, turning the whole room into a fairytale landscape. "Did you help her do this?"

"No." Heidi shook her head as she lovingly took Tanya's hand in hers and placed a tender kiss on the back of it. "This is all Tanya's work. I wish I could paint like her, though."

So did I. I'd always been envious at the way Tanya was able to turn a flat, one-dimensional surface into something that breathed life, movement and depth. "This is amazing Tan," I breathed, letting my head glide along the branch of a painted tree. "You've really grown as an artist over the last couple of years."

"Thanks." Tanya smiled, her eyes sharp and focused as she scanned her own work looking for flaws. "I'm just a bit worried that if the baby is going to be a boy people will think it's a bit too…feminine?"

I looked back at the wall in front of me, the dark blue and clear, almost luminous stars morphing into a nightscape of a village set into the woods, the windows of the houses alight with rich, almost ocher yellow. "I don't think it does."

"Really?" Tanya looked relieved. "Thanks, Edward. I'm so glad to hear you say that. I asked Peter but he didn't really give me a straight answer and…."

Heidi snorted. "You expected my brother to give you a straight answer? Do you know him at all?"

I chuckled, though careful not to make it seem too obvious. He was, after all, Heidi's brother and Tanya's sperm donor. Though seriously, why they'd resorted to using him? Had all half-decent blokes suddenly dropped off the face of the earth? _Ah. Yes. Silly line of thought. _

"Just keep going, Heidi," Tanya smirked, rubbing her belly. "We wouldn't want Edward to get bored on his tour of the house."

I snorted, rolling my eyes as I followed Heidi back into the corridor.

"Oh and Edward?"

I turned back to Tanya. "Yes?"

"You're so showing me your work after dinner," Tanya demanded with a sly smile. "I've shown you mine so it's only fair."

"We'll see," I chuckled, barely dodging the wad of paint stained newspapers she threw at me. The prospect of showing my work to her both excited and unnerved me. On the one hand I knew I'd become so much better than I had been when I left Berlin. My years in Rome and my struggles to find employment had really forced me to grow as a photographer. However, on the other hand, they'd also forced me to make compromises and sacrifice some of the artistry that had marked my earlier works for a more commercial appeal. I knew she wasn't going to like that. Not one bit.

"It's best not to tease her too much these days," Heidi smiled. "With the pregnancy and the hormones her reactions can be a bit fiery at times. You're lucky she wasn't standing next to anything too solid this time."

"You mean she's even more tempestuous than usual?" I cringed, remembering a few times I'd had to duck for my life back in London, Paris and Berlin. "That's it, I'm staying at a hotel!"

"Don't you dare!" Heidi gasped. "We've all been looking forward to your visit too much to let you go now."

I somehow doubted Peter would shed a tear if I did decide to leave. We'd never really gotten along, though I wasn't sure because that was just because we both had a completely different outlook on life or because he somehow felt threatened by my closeness to his sister. "So you're basically kidnapping me now," I joked, looking at the way her hand was closed around my arm.

She grinned but completely ignored me. "Let me show you where you'll be sleeping."

I followed her down the stairs to the basement where two more rooms with a view overlooking the small patio were.

"Peter's to the left," Heidi pointed out, "and you're to the right. I've cleared a corner in the studio. I hope you don't mind the mess."

I looked around the large, square room, one corner clearly Tanya's with all her painting equipment thrown haphazardly around the place, making it look like a tornado had just blown past; the other more organized and neat, with a big slab of marble sitting in the middle of the space and her sculpting tools neatly laid out on the table next to it.

"What are you working on?" I asked, trying to discern something in the mass of stone.

"An abstract piece for some big name writer," Heidi shrugged, acting like commissions such as those were run of the mill stuff for her. _I'd kill to do this kind of stuff._ "He wants something tangible to commemorate the completion of his latest masterpiece. I'm still waiting for the marble to speak to me."

I nodded. I'd seen it a couple of times when I'd been living with them in Berlin. Heidi could sit in front of a big chunk of stone for days, waiting until that moment when inspiration struck and she knew exactly what she was going to create out of it.

"Tanya's very pleased, though," Heidi giggled, pointing at Tanya's corner of the studio. "No inspiration for me means she doesn't have to cover everything up to protect it from my dusty work."

I chuckled. "Which, in turn, pleases you because it cuts down on the fighting."

"Hmm," she mused, patting the little folding bed they'd set out for me. "It's a shame that means no more make up sex as well."

We both laughed, Heidi looking happier than I'd ever seen her as she gazed at Tanya's corner of the room. It was good to see both of them so happy. Neither of them had had an easy life, though both for completely different reasons.

Tanya had been born with a silver spoon in her mouth, her father being a big-time board member of one of the largest banks in Holland while her mum came from very old money. She could have anything she wanted; clothes, trips abroad, the best tutors to nurse her talent.

There was only one snag, though. To her very conservative, protestant parents, Tanya's sexual orientation had been a huge shock and had caused the rift in the Den Alink family that had spurred her move to London.

Where she met me.

Later on, in Berlin we met Heidi, who's upbringing had been about the opposite of Tanya's. Having been born in a typical art family, it had always been a given that she'd pursue a career down the same line as well, though the makings of it had been much harder than expected. As open-minded as her parents were in many areas, when it came to their daughter's art they wanted nothing but the best, which meant that Heidi had been under an incredible amount of pressure from the start, almost causing her to walk away from the scene at one point, just before she and Tanya first met, because she'd lost her joy in the creative process.

They made an unlikely couple, that much was for sure, but in all my years I'd never seen a couple as in love as they were. Except maybe for my mum and dad.

"I'll leave you to get settled in," Heidi spoke. "Join us upstairs for a beer before dinner when you're done."

I nodded, rubbing the tiredness out of my face as I sagged down onto the bed.

All this stuff was really doing my head in.

Being here, with the two best friends I had who weren't related to me or sharing my bed, brought back all sorts of crap I didn't really want to think about. It was great seeing Tanya and Heidi again and I had to admit they were acting a whole less weird about the baby thing than I had ever dared to hope but still.

There was this kind of wall between us that had never been there before. I'd always been one of the gang and even living in Rome I'd considered myself as such. Being back here though, made me realize that what they wanted out of life wasn't the same anymore as what I wanted to achieve.

I'd changed.

Rome had changed me.

_Bella_ had changed me.

Bella.

I smiled, digging in my pants pocked for my phone, my mind only coming to rest when her voice answered. "Edward?"

As always, her voice had an immediate effect on me; the tension leaving my shoulders and a smile creeping on my face as I sat back, breathing out a deep sigh. "Hey, sweetheart. How are you doing? Done with work for the day?"

"No silly," she chuckled. "I'm on my lunch break right now." A pause. "In fact, Rose, Ally and I are just waiting for the waiter to bring out our food."

I chuckled, hearing her friends chatter in the distance. "I won't keep them waiting then. I think some of them have a pretty low opinion of me as is and I don't want to make it any worse."

"True!" Bella chuckled. "But I wouldn't be too stressed about that. As far as Rose is concerned men are only good for two things: hating or…well…."

I grinned, almost feeling her blush radiate through the phone. "Is that so, huh? And what do _you_ think I'm good for?"

**oOo**

All too soon I had to let Bella go again, my feet dragging as I went back upstairs to join the rest for dinner, the conversation kept well away from any subjects that might be difficult.

"I mean…this is Amsterdam," Tanya shrugged, defending her new place of residence like any Dutch girl would. "If there ever was a city of sex, drugs and rock and roll, this is it."

"Right," I snorted. "And the last major rock band hailing from Amsterdam was…."

"Oh, I know one!" Peter sat up eagerly like the tool he was. Seriously, if the guy had been a dog, he'd be wagging his tail right now. "You know….the one with the singer who always wear sunglasses….what are they called again….They had a huge hit in the States."

"The Golden Earring. And they're from The Hague you _blödes_ _arschlog_," Heidi groaned, slapping him upside the head.

"Oh." He smiled sheepishly before going back to his heap of junk.

_What the hell as the guy doing anyway?_

"He's working on a new installation called 'lost and found'," Tanya spoke, her eyes following mine.

Peter looked up again, his eyes gliding proudly over the newly defined heap of rubbish. "I'm only going to use things I find on the playground across the street."

_Right. So now he wasn't just a failure as an artist, he was too lazy to actually go out and get inspired too._ "That sounds….uhm…interesting?"

Judging by the look on Tanya's face, she felt about the same about her baby daddy's artistry as I did, though she'd never show it. Just like she never did with me even though she'd thought my work was crap. Which, let's face it, my earlier stuff most of the time was.

"I know one," she spoke, bringing the conversation back to its original topic. "Herman Brood."

Heidi's eyes sparked. "_Natürlich_! Why didn't I think of him?"

I frowned, wracking my brain over the name but only coming up with a complete blank. "Never heard of him."

"He's quite a legend around here, actually," Tanya explained, before droning off his record of achievements, "catapulted to fame in the seventies, smoked, snorted and shot just about every drug known to man into his system, fucked Nina Hagen and finally jumped to an untimely death from the Amsterdam Hilton."

I scratched my head, nodding. "Yeah, that sounds pretty rock and roll to me." In fact, it sounded more rock and roll than most of those obnoxious garage bands filling the NME nowadays would ever even dare to dream off.

"Ya think?" Tanya chuckled. "Wait, I think I have some of his stuff on my iPod. It's really good." She walked over to the side table and scrolled through her playlist, a gripping guitar riff soon pulsing from the dock.

I leaned back, bringing my beer bottle to my lips as I closed my eyes, letting the pulsing, thrusting rhythm of the song wash over me. It was good; the kind of song that made with either want to pick up your guitar and play as if your life depended on it or find your girl and screw her well and proper deep into the night.

It was just unfortunate that neither my girl nor my guitar were within reach at the moment.

_My girl._

I took another gulp from my beer, wondering how amazing it would have been if Bella were here with me. Without her, none of this traveling stuff was quite the same. She just gave it that little spark that made everything come to life and caused even the most mundane things to be bloody interesting.

I missed her.

So bloody much.

_Only four more days….._

I hadn't realized I'd been speaking out loud until I opened my eyes and found two pairs of female eyes looking at me, once inquisitively and with a slight note of humor, the other frozen into a withering glare.

"What?" I shrugged.

"Nothing," Heidi sang, her smile turning forced when she caught her partner's look.

An awkward silence fell over us as we listened to the music, the raw, sexy sound of Herman Brood or whatever the fuck the guy was called switching to the more upbeat rhythm of We are Scientists' 'Nobody move, nobody gets hurt'.

The awkwardness followed us to the dinner table, conversation short and clipped as we dove into a beef tagine and chickpea salad.

For the most part Tanya and I glared at each other just like we always did when we were having an argument; neither of us wanting to admit defeat or even acknowledge the other.

"So tell me, Edward," Heidi spoke, making another effort to open up the conversation. "How's work going? Tanya told me you were here on am assignment but she was very vague about it."

"I am," I nodded in Tanya's direction. "I'm here to do a photo report on the Dutch drug policy."

"How original," Tanya sneered, scooping a bit of meat up with her bread.

"What is that?" I snarled. I couldn't believe her! After all the shit I'd gone through over the last couple of years she couldn't even be happy for me when finally I landed a proper job? So what if it wasn't exactly reaching her high artistic standards. It was a bloody job!

"I'm just saying," she shrugged playing the innocent. "A few years ago you'd never have lowered yourself to working for glossy magazines."

"Yeah, well, a few years ago I'd never had to survive on bread and cheese for a whole bloody month!" I snapped. "Seriously, Tanya? What is your fucking problem?"

"You know all too well what my fucking problem is!" Tanya yelled, her eyes ablaze as she dunked her bread onto her plate. "It's you abandoning all your integrity as an artist for some new piece of ass!"

"You don't get to talk about Bella like that!" I fumed, my plate bouncing off the wood as I slammed my fists into the table.

"Tanya," Heidi sighed, placing her hand over Tanya's shaking, clenched fist. "_Um Gottes willen…_."

"I've seen it happen before, Heidi," Tanya replied, the fire in her voice making place for sadness. "When he was with that bitch….._die complete verneukte stoephoer van een Victoria_…..He gave up everything and everyone in his life…walked away from his friends, his family, his career….and for what?"

"This isn't like that, Tan," I sighed. I knew where she was coming from and up to a certain point I could even understand her concerns….if it hadn't been for the fact that this time she was completely wrong. "Bella….she's a great girl. She's good for me."

"You used to say the same thing about Victoria," Tanya retorted, "and look how that turned out."

I growled, the rumble starting low in my chest and reverberating through my ribcage, causing both Peter and Heidi suck in a sharp breath to the left and right of me. "You _know_ Bella's not like her, Tanya! For fuck's sake, only a few weeks ago you were berating me on wasting my time on a little choirgirl who wouldn't understand the lifestyle I lived and now you're comparing Bella to _her_? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm not saying she's like Victoria, Edward. L_uister dan toch eens een keer naar mij, verdomme_!" Tanya fumed, "I'm saying that when you're in love you tend to lose sight of what's important."

I sat back, shaking my head. _So this was where we were headed_. "And what is that, Tanya?"

"_You_, Edward!" Tanya screeched, reading my expression perfectly, just as she always had. "You tend to lose sight of who _you_ are and what _you_ want in life. God, how could you even think this is about us! I'm worried about _you_!"

"Jeez, I don't know," I snorted, pausing to take another sip of my beer, "maybe because for the last couple of weeks every single damn conversation has been about how my love life was affecting you and how much you hated it? Pardon me for jumping to conclusions."

"Edward…." Heidi tried, only to be stopped by her brother.

"No, Heidi," Peter scowled, shooting a murderous glare in my direction. "_Tanya hat recht_." Apparently the fact that he got to impregnate her meant that he was now a full-fledged and completely uncritical member of Team Tanya.

"No she doesn't," I argued, glaring back at him before I turned my attention back to the women who was supposed to be my best friend in the whole world. "She's basically saying I'm a spineless bloody pussy who loses his mind as soon as he spots a fine piece of ass."

Tanya's face changed color, the red drawing to a ghostly pale as she looked at me. "Edward I…"

"I thought you were supposed to be my friend, Tanya," I went on. "I thought you were supposed to be on _my_ side. Why can't you just be happy for me? Don't you want me to have what you and Heidi have together? I thought you of all people should understand."

Tanya sighed, her face suddenly looking drawn and years older than her twenty-seven years. "I do. I really do, but sometimes….it's like I don't know you anymore, Edward. It scares me."

I shook my head, wondering how even after all the times I'd tried to explain it to her, she still didn't get it. She was right. Somehow in those years we'd been apart, we'd drifted from friend back into strangers and the saddest thing was we hadn't even noticed it until that moment. "Look, it's late. It's probably better that I head to bed before I say something I'm really going to regret."

To Tanya's credit: she did try to stop me, her hand folding around my arm as I tried to walk past her. "Please, Edward." Her large brown eyes looked beseeching. "Please try to understand…"

"Not now Tan." I pried her fingers away, my mouth in a hard line as I tried to resist her plea. _It would be of no use to try and talk to her tonight while tempers were still running hot after our fight_. "Maybe tomorrow when I get back?"

There was a shimmer of hope in her eyes, her lips forced into a smile as she squeezed my hand. "Tomorrow then."

I nodded, letting my eyes glide over the company; Peter still scowling as if I'd called his mother a whore and Heidi looking like she's just seen her house burn to the ground. "Good night."

I didn't wait for their replies, my legs carrying me out of that kitchen as fast as I could.

I had to get out of there.

I had to think.

**oOo**

I slipped out the house almost at first light the next morning after a restless night over thinking everything that had been said and done, my fingers automatically lighting cigarette after cigarette as I let my feet take me along the still quiet streets of Amsterdam, the canals and the beautiful rows of town houses lining both sides of them exuding an almost serene peace in the early morning light.

I needed to clear my head and gain some perspective.

Today would be one of the most important days in my life – career wise – and instead of getting plenty of rest and arriving at my meeting with Stefan Jansen, the magazine's contact in Amsterdam, looking smart and equal to the job, I was dead tired and grimy looking after slipping out of the house at six AM without as much as a splash of water to the face.

_Splendid. _

I frowned trying to focus on the job I'd be doing that day. As easy as it may have seemed, catching the relaxed Dutch soft drug-policy in a series of twelve pictures was harder than I thought it would have been. I couldn't very well send in twelve frames of stoners I'd shot at various places downtown. I knew Jane expected me to come up with something more; something people couldn't come up with on their own, something that challenged them to think or challenge their own opinions.

My contact was good, though, setting me up with meetings with coffee-shop owners and representatives of STAP, an organization focused on drug- and alcohol abuse as well as arranging tag-along with an Amsterdam narcotics agent all day tomorrow.

I had high hopes for that.

At the end of my four day stay in Amsterdam I hoped to get enough material to show both the benefits and disadvantages of soft drug tolerance and hopefully come up with something that Jane would be pleased with.

Hopefully.

For now, I had to find my way to the city center and the Handboogstraat where I would be meeting Stefan at _The Dampking_, one of the most famous coffeeshops of Amsterdam.

Now if only those damned canals looked different from one another.

**oOo**

I somehow managed to find my way to _The Dampkring_ on time to meet up with my contact and have a chat with the owner of the establishment about his business and his vision on the Dutch policy that really gave me some prime insights.

After that I just spent my day lounging around town, snapping frames here and there when I came across something I could use or strike up a conversation with some of the tourists lounging around town who'd clearly imbibed and getting their opinions but mostly just soaking up the relaxed atmosphere of Amsterdam.

It was strange how I'd never really given this city much thought.

To me Amsterdam had always been almost synonymous with weed and whores which meant that I'd never even considered moving there when I left Berlin. I mean….I was trying to get away from all of that, not jump straight back into the pit of sin I was trying so hard to crawl out of. Walking around town, though, I realized that the city had so much more to offer than that.

It was cozy, even though the air was cold enough to freeze Satan's nuts off and full of rain, even when it was dry. Still, the narrow, sixteenth century canal houses did their best to protect the people walking through the equally narrow streets between them from the extremes of the weather while their intricately adorned facades and black, red and white exteriors gave the whole inner city a sort of shambolic cheerfulness that seemed to radiate onto the people walking amidst it.

Well, maybe except for the people trying to wade through the crown on their bikes, hollering abuse when someone dared to hinder their way and ringing their cycle bell really loud.

Seriously, once you'd gotten used to the trams appearing from out of nowhere to place an attack on your life if you didn't pay attention and jump sideways in time, I could see why Tanya and Heidi (I refused to think of Peter) had been so happy to move here.

It was a shame, though, that all museums in town had seemed to choose the exact same moment to undergo major renovations, meaning that the only places still open to visit where the _Anne Frank House_, the canal house made famous for being the place of refuge of the Jewish Frank family during World War II, and the Dutch annex of St. Petersburg's _Hermitage_ museum which, ironically enough, showed the highlights of the _Van Gogh Museum_ which was currently closed for renovation.

After visiting both museums and grabbing a quick bite to eat at the Waterloo Square, a big, permanent flea market, I made my way back to the _Jordaan_, the neighborhood where Tanya and Heidi lived, hoping to sneak into the house unnoticed and grab my stuff, deciding a hotel was probably the better option for my stay here.

"Edward?" I cringed as Tanya's sleepy head emerged from behind the back of the sofa. _So much for sneaking in and out of the house undetected. _

"Hey," I muttered. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay," she replied in a gravelly voice. "Please, sit down."

I trudged over to the sofa like a man condemned, sitting down on the furthest end as I looked warily at the woman who used to be my best friend.

"How did it go, today?" she asked, appearing to be about as nervous as I was as she fidgeted with the hem of her oversized, paint stained shirt.

I shrugged. "Fine, I guess."

"Did you make any decent shots?" she pressed.

"I think so." Another shrug. "I caught up with a bunch of stoners from Italy at _The Dampkring_ who had no issues with having their faces plastered all over a glossy magazine. I still have to take a good look at the raw material but I think there's stuff in there I can use."

"If you need another set of eyes…." Tanya offered, the awkwardness still running freely between us.

"So…." I breathed out. "How's everything going….with erm….with the new job and with….your dad?" I scratched the back of my head, feeling like a complete tool.

"The job's great." Tanya's eyes started to shine as she told about it. "It's like my dream job but I never even dreamed I would be able to land it so soon in my career. Even after I had my interview I was so sure they were going to go with someone who was more experienced and who had more of a name…"

"You're crazy talented, Tan," I chuckled. "They know that better than anyone."

"I guess they do, huh," Tanya grinned. "It was nut's, though, going in front of a selection committee made up with all of your old teachers."

"Fuck! I'd hate that!" I snorted.

"You would," Tanya giggled along with me. "By the end most of our teachers hated you!"

I sighed, thinking back on the despicable ass I'd turned into by that time. "I don't blame them."

"You're not that guy anymore, Edward. Moving to Rome…I may not have liked it at the time but it was the right decision. Rome really changed you." She gave me that smile she always used to give me, silently telling me shit was going to be alright in the end, before quickly changing the subject. "So my dad….he's doing better."

"Better?"

She shrugged. "Well you're never going to be cured when you're suffering from Alzheimer's but he's as good as he's going to get."

"That's good." I nodded. "How do he and your mum feel about you being close by again?"

"It's been…..good," Tanya answered, her voice conveying her own amazement. "I think…."

She shrugged, tearing at the frayed hem of her shirt. "When I first came out, I think my mom and dad didn't really take it serious. I think they thought it was just some kind of rebellious stage, kind of like you doing drugs. They didn't want to stop and think that this was _me_ and not some new scheme I'd come up with to taunt them."

"Yeah!" I huffed. "Because that's so similar."

"To my parents it kind of is," Tanya chuckled wryly. "Anyway, I think seeing me and Heidi together has made them realize that Heidi and I are as serious and committed to each other as any straight couple could be. They are slowly coming around."

"That's great, Tan!" I gasped, knowing how much it meant to my friend to be accepted by her parents.

"Yeah," she sat back, smiling happily as she continued to rub her bump. "Right now, I feel like I've kinda got it all – _ik heb zoveel mazzel gehad, het is echt ongelofelijk_. I've got a great girlfriend, a baby on the way and things on the mend with my parents. _Wat heb ik nog te wensen over?"_

"You forgot living in one of the most awesome places in the world!" I chuckled, reading the meaning of her words even when I couldn't understand a fuck of half of what she was saying.

Tanya grinned, looking sideways. "What's that I hear? I thought you weren't ready to leave Rome for the time being?"

I shrugged. "I may not have another chance. Liam spoke to me just before he left and…" I looked down, picking at a few none-existent frays in the sofa covering. "He's looking to make things official with Gianna so he'll be needing the whole apartment soon."

"He's kicking you out?" Tanya gasped. "Shit!"

"Yeah, that's what I thought," I chuckled bitterly. "Anyway, it'll be hard to find something in Rome I can afford so I'm kind of expanding my view."

Tanya cocked her head, studying me intently. "Are you going to move to New York?"

"I don't know," I muttered, hoping the subject would blow over. I wasn't ready to discuss this kind of stuff with Tanya. Hell, I hadn't even discussed it with Bella yet.

It didn't.

"You don't _know_?" Tanya wanted to know. "Have you discussed it with her….with Bella?"

It didn't escape my notice how she avoided speaking Bella's name. "Not yet but I think I'll have to."

"So what's keeping you?" I had to give Tanya some credit for sounding like my old friend again and not the vicious harpy she was last night. _Who knows? There may be hope for her growing to like my girl yet. I mean, crazier stuff has happened, right?_

I squirmed, mentally weighing the cons of baring my soul to Tanya against the pros of getting this off my chest. "Moving to New York may be a good thing, at least…..if I could work things out with Jane. The city's always attracted me and….I don't know…there's thing kind of pull…"

"But…"

I sighed. "But I think that when I tell Bella I'm thinking about moving to her neck of the woods, she's going to expect me to move in with her and…" I growled, my hands digging into my hair and pulling at the roots. "I love Bella and I love being with her – hell, part of me never wants to let her leave my arms. I just don't know if I'm ready to live with her yet."

"Hmm," Tanya mused, tapping her finger against her lip while the other hand rubbed her belly. "And you think that if you told her that she'd be disappointed."

"Yes," I nodded. It's crazy. Back when she was in London we even discussed her moving out to Europe for a while but that was….."

"Another world," Tanya finished with a knowing look. "It's always different when plans are still very much hypothetical."

I nodded. "And it's not even that I don't want to live with her in the long run or see a future for the two of us…..it's just that right now things are suddenly moving awfully fast."

"I see," Tanya sighed. "You're going to have to talk to her soon, though."

"I know." I let out a deep breath. Of course I knew but I also knew that before I could even think about bringing that shit up, I needed to have that one conversation with my girl I'd been dreading all along; the one that was probably going to end us.

"I'd be beside myself if I found out Heidi had upped and moved countries without even telling me."

"I know." I groaned, sitting back as I rubbed my face. "I really suck at this stuff."

"Yeah," Tanya snickered. "You kind of do. So tell me, which places are you considering….apart from New York that is."

"Maybe London," I replied. "Things are looking up with my mum and dad so I thought it may be nice to live near them again."

"That's great, Edward," Tanya smiled, patting me on the leg. "Any other places you're considering?"

I chuckled, remembering how we'd had this very same conversation a couple of years ago. "I don't know. You got any tips?"

"What about Barcelona?" Tanya suggested. "It's got a great scene and from what I've seen of it, it's an amazing place to live and not that different from Rome."

"Don't tell the Italians!" I snorted, though I made a mental note to check into living in Barcelona.

"You know you could always come and live with us," Tanya mused. "It will be a bit cramped fitting the four of us in here but we'll make it work."

"Thanks." I smiled, patting her hand. "But I think that would be a bit…."

"Too weird to work out?" Tanya offered. "Yeah, I know."

I chuckled. "Thanks for the offer, though. It was very kind of you."

"That's what friends are for," she shrugged, "And I fear I've been very remiss in my duties as a friend to you."

"It's okay, _liefje_," I reassured her, hoping to set her mind at ease by using one of the five words I knew in Dutch. "I haven't exactly been best friend material either lately."

"That's what being in love does to a guy's brain!" Tanya joked before getting serious again, her eyes looking hesitantly into mine. "Tell me about her."

"About Bella?"

"Duh!" she snorted. "Or do you have another girlfriend tucked away somewhere?"

"No!" I grumbled. Even the thought of that was preposterous. "What do you want to know?"

Tanya smiled, the honest look in her eyes telling me she really did want to know. "What is she like?"

I smiled, seeing my sweet Bella in front of me as I closed my eyes. "She's the kindest person you'll ever meet," I started, "as well as the most forgiving."

"She's bound to be if she's mad enough to be hooking up with you!" Tanya chuckled, barely avoiding the my fingers as I tried to poke her in the ribs.

"She lives in New York," I went on, "but she's definitely not a city girl. She grew up in a small town in Washington State but moved away after a nasty divorce."

"How old is she?" Tanya wanted to know.

I cringed, not because I was ashamed of the age difference but because I knew how Tanya was going to react. "She's a bit older than me….erm…she's thirty-one."

"Ah, yeah," Tanya nodded, her face unreadable.

I frowned. "That's it?" The words slipped out before I could think about it

"What?" Tanya snickered. "Did you expect me to explode in a fit of hormonal rage and cuss you out for falling for an older woman?"

Her laughter deepened when I didn't reply. "Love is love, Edward, no matter how much older or younger one partner is than the other. If you love her – which, from the dazed look on your face whenever you think of her, I gather you do – then that's all that matters. You're an idiot, Edward! If you're comfortable with this, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Maybe because of the way you reacted before?"

"Yes." She looked very guilty. "I regret that. I never should have…."

I took her hand, folding our fingers into one big lump. "It's in the past, Tan. Let's keep it there."

Somehow Tanya managed to force herself back to her former playfulness. "So…."

I angled myself towards her, arching my brow. "What?"

"When do I get to meet her?"

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_**::sits back and grins:: So, what did you think?**_


	27. The City with the Two Faces

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Jadsmama deserves my undying love and gratitude for putting up with my choppy and ridiculously long sentences and making them pretty. Love ya!**_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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_**I hope you're all comfortable. This one is looooong**_

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**Chapter 24 – The City with the Two Faces**

_**Where I found out that I didn't know Edward as well as I thought I did…..In fact, I was starting to wonder if I knew him at all.**_

Saturday was spent grooming and packing; a fresh haircut and a quick manicure being the only luxuries I awarded myself. I mean, the rest I could perfectly do myself at home. Right?

It turned out the answer to that question was a resounding 'no'.

Doing your own nails and plucking your eyebrows was all fine and dandy. I'd been there, done that and cringed through the pain of yanking hair out of skin that seemed to thin and fragile to be even growing hairs more often than I cared to imagine.

When it came to trimming 'the down under' though, I wasn't exactly all that experienced. Not that I neglected that particular part of my body and had a bikini area that looked like a long-coated guinea pig had just landed in my lap to show for it, but further than a quick swipe with a razor every now and then, I didn't do much in the way of grooming.

Now, with Edward seemingly becoming a regular visitor to the whole groin area, something had to change. Or, better said, disappear.

Quite permanently.

I'd taken advice both from Alice, Rose and Emily and all three of them had been convinced that waxing was the best option. Or, as Rose had so elegantly (not) put it: _you don't want to give a guy a rug burn from going down on you. _

The thing was, though, that the prices my local beauty salon stated for a single bikini wax were more than I ever wanted to spent on something as trivial as a well-groomed pussy. That, combined with the fact that no-one other than me or my boyfriend would be getting up- close and personal with my 'good china' making me decide to take matters into my own hand. I mean, I didn't even spend that much money on most of my clothes and they were blatantly obvious for the entire world to see. Besides. If Emily had been able to do it, so would I. Right?

No. Apparently not.

After another phone call to my sister in law about the best home-bikini-waxing equipment and a trip to the drug store, I found myself enclosed inside my bathroom, furiously rubbing a wax strip between my hands and praying this was not going to turn into the disaster I feared it would.

Applying the strips seemed to take much more of a steady hand as I could muster, given the fact that I was allowing hot wax strips within striking distance of my hooha. In the end I did manage to get everything in place without hitting something that wasn't supposed to be hit but, really, that was the easy part of waxing. The hard part was to yank it all off, knowing it was going to feel something like pulling a million band-aids all at once.

According to the directions you were supposed to rip the stuff away from your body in one quick-and-easy swoop but, though I'd been determined to do so, determination and action proofed to be two different things entirely. Faced with the prospect of no small amount of pain coming from said actions, my determination waned by the second until, in the end, it was quite non-existent as I stared at the quickly cooling wax-strips on my pubic area with no small amount of dread.

"I can do this," I muttered. "For Edward."

_Yeah. For Edward. He'll like it and that's important. Isn't it? I mean, I want to make him go mad with lust, right? No? I want to make myself happy and the quickest way to do so is to entice him to make me happy, or give me a happy, or…whatever. I'm confusing myself now. _

I closed my eyes, peeking through my lashes as I grabbed hold of one of the strips and yanked on it. "HOLY MOTHERFUCKER!" I cried, dropping down to my knees as a searing pain shot through my loins. _Lying sons of bitches on that packet! There was nothing quick-and-easy about this shit? Slight discomfort? That's like saying Osama Bin Laden was a 'slightly unpleasant' man! How the fuck did Emily do this shit? It hurts like hell! Wait a minute….I so do not want to know that stuff since it probably involves Emily and the prospect of having sex with my brother; words I never wanted to see in one sentence. _

All things fine and dandy, though, I was left with one big ass motherfucker of a conundrum: did I yank the two remaining pieces off, knowing it would hurt like hell and make me scream like a bitch or did I wait until they just magically fall away? _Right. Like that was ever going to happen._

Ten minutes and a throbbing, red, sticky pubic area later I called it a day. Feeling nastier than ever before I pulled on some underwear, noticing immediately how the frail satin stuck to the resin residue still left on the small hairs I hadn't been able to pull out. As far as I was concerned, Emily could go to hell that moment with all her 'it hurts a bit but when you're done you feel so sexy the pain won't really matter'.

Seriously, I didn't think I'd ever felt less sexy than I did in that moment, walking out of the bathroom like I'd never outgrown the diaper stage to keep the discomfort of my sticky underwear as low as possible. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed, pull the sheets over my head and pretend the big waxing disaster had never happened. Unfortunately, though, Alice was in the living room right now, waiting for me to get ready for our night on the town.

"Just figures," I muttered at my reflection in the mirror as I applied some eyeliner and mascara. "Out of all the days I could pick for a DIY disaster, I have to pick one of the few nights I actually have something planned!"

I growled, awkwardly putting my shoes on before casting another glance at myself in the mirror. At least I looked halfway decent on the outside. That was, if I could actually get my lower half to move in a way that wouldn't clue the rest of the world in on the fact that my underwear was sticking to my fanny. _Yeah. That was going to work out just fine. _

_Not. _

"Was that you screaming just now?" Alice spoke as soon as she heard me come in, her eyes glued to the skinny, cranky model bitches fighting on the television screen. _Oh, the joys of watching America's Next Top Model! _

"It was," I replied curtly.

"What's wrong?" Alice's brows shot up into her hairline as she twisted her body to watch me walk into the room. "You're walking like you just got home from a twenty-four hour gangbang with forty horny sailors."

"My underwear is sticking to my body." I grumbled under my breath.

The frown deepened. "Why the fuck would it do that?"

I flopped down on the sofa next to her, grabbing a handful of chocolate covered pretzels. "I dunno, Ally. Maybe because I stupidly decided I could be my own bikini-waxer?"

"No shit!" Alice gasped. "You tried to do it yourself?"

Her eyes drifted down to my crotch, narrowing as if she somehow expected them to pierce through the three layers of clothes that hid the disaster area from sight. "How did it go?"

"Err…not?" I grumbled, inelegantly yanking at my tights to get them unstuck.

"I could have told you that!" Alice snorted. "Really Bella, if I'd have known you were even contemplating taking matters into your own hands I would have dragged you to the nearest esthetician before I'd ever let you get your hands on a wax strip."

"It was supposed to be really easy," I scowled.

"Says who?" Alice snorted. "The packet?"

"No," I growled. "Emily. She does it all the time."

"Then Emily is some sort of weird mutant freak with sadomasochistic tendencies," Alice quipped. "Seriously, next time you're in Forks I would advise checking their house for whips and nipple clamps."

"I'd rather not if you don't mind." The thought alone got the chunks rising in my throat.

"Hold on for a sec," Alice chuckled. "I may have the solution to your problem." Digging her phone out of her purse and selecting a number from her contact list she started to rattle off at the speed of sound to some unsuspecting schmuck at the other end of the line, a look of utter contentment on her face as she pocketed her phone again. "I got you an emergency appointment with my own esthetician. She's expecting us in twenty minutes."

"Oh."I could feel myself pale, the prospect of having to go through all of that again about as unappealing as walking around with my underwear glued to my crotch all night.

"I had to call in a huge favor, Bella," Alice warned me, "so I expect you to be on your best behavior and allow her to laugh at you all she wants and not be all prissy when it hurts like a motherfucker. Because given what you've done to yourself, I have a feeling it will."

I scowled. _Well, this just kept getting better and better._ "Fine."

Alice giggled. "Just close your eyes and think of Edward."

I huffed. Edward better appreciate the outcome or I was going to personally have him experience what it felt like to go through all this shit. "Let's go. You know what happens if we keep Rose waiting."

"You look nice, though," Alice smiled, trying to cheer me up as she rose from her seat, her eyes scanning me from tip to toe as she made her way over to the hallway, me following meekly after her. "That dress really suits you."

"Thanks, Ally," I smiled back, twisting my lower half in a desperate attempt to get my underwear unglued. "Apparently it apparated Harry Potter-style into my closet because I can't remember ever buying the thing."

"No thanks needed," Alice grinned with a slight wave of her hand. "It's been hanging in the closet for ages. It's a lovely dress but I know Jane would never okay it for a shoot so I figured I might as well give it to you."

"Jane won't mind?" I frowned. Alice had given me stuff they'd used on shoots or last-season's hand-me-downs in the past but never something that hadn't been used before. _Wasn't that called corporate fraud?_

"Relax, Bella!" Alice giggled, getting up from the sofa to grab her coat. "If Jane ever even knew this dress existed, she'd be perfectly okay with it. You know as well as I do that there's only so much space in the closet and with new things coming in every day, it was either take it home with me or throw it into the trash."

"Oh, okay," I muttered, protectively running my hand along the smooth, non-itchy, camel colored wool of my dress. "I guess it's fine, then. As long as I don't get arrested."

"Seriously Bella," Alice chuckled, shaking her head as she examined herself in the mirror, tipping her red beret at just the right angle to make her face look all cute and Audrey Hepburnish. "Sometimes I wonder if you even live on the same planet as the rest of us."

I rolled my eyes. "Let's just go, Ally." Linking my arm with hers we made it downstairs and into an awaiting cab that took us to Manhattan where I found out that, when done right, waxing didn't have to be as disastrous and sticky as I thought it was (though it still hurt like hell) and could actually make a woman feel sexy as hell once the pain ebbed away, before we joined Rose who was waiting for us at _Nonna's_, the Italian bistro we were going to try out that night.

"Wow girl!" Alice giggled, drinking in the sight of Rose in a short sleeved (even thought it was January and freezing outside) technicolor dress and leather leggings only a girl like her could pull off without looking like a two-bit ho-bag. "You look fabulous!"

"Thanks sweetie," Rose beamed back, bumping fists with my cousin. "So do you! It's a crying shame you're already taken or I would have found a whole fucking army of takers for you, girl!"

Alice shrugged, playing with the bow of her black and white striped sweater. "Are you sure this is okay?" Rose and Alice were going out to some house party thrown by one of Rose's wealthy cousins later that night. I'd been invited as well but with my having to catch an early flight out of JFK the next morning I didn't think that was such a good idea. Besides, I'd rather apply hot wax strips to any part of my body (though maybe not my cooter) than listen to some hotshot stockbroker brag about himself all night.

"You look fine, Alice," Rose assured her, announcing our name to the hostess. "Besides, by the time we make it there ninety percent of the people are going to be way too drunk to notice, even if you came running in with a sock over your head."

The hostess looked a little funny at the three of us but motioned for us to follow her into the cozy looking restaurant, the fragrant smells of Italian cuisine embracing us as we stepped further inside.

"What the hell happened to you?" Rose frowned, her eyes scanning me up and down as Alice and I walked into the restaurant with her, my awkward walk immediately drawing attention.

"Bella tried to wax her own hooha," Alice announced in a voice that was decidedly un-inside, "so I had to take her in for an emergency wax job to save the day."

"For God's sake keep it down!" I hissed, almost elbowing her into an empty booth, much to Rose's amusement. "I don't want the whole place knowing the state of my vagina!"

They both had a good laugh at that and kept occasionally teasing me all the way through drinks and appetizers as we got caught up on each other's lives. With the past week having been particularly hectic, what with Jasper being out on his first big commission for _Vogue_ and Alice keeping us informed of everything he did almost up to the moment he farted first thing in the morning while Rose was out of town as she accompanied Jane on a trip to LA, we had quite a lot of stuff to discuss.

"What time does your flight leave again tomorrow?"Alice asked, scooping so much tapenade onto her piece of bread I was afraid it was going to soak completely through and stain her clothes.

"At nine," I answered, biting my lip to keep myself from breaking out into a happy dance right there and then. _Only less than twenty-four hours and I'd be seeing Edward again. Seeing, feeling, screwing…._

"I still think you should have taken Jacob Black up on his offer to get to know you better," Rose huffed, spreading pâté onto her bread.

Alice snorted, obviously seeing the humor in Rose's statement where I could not. "Seriously, Rose?"

"Yes. Seriously." Rose scowled. "Why wouldn't I be serious?"

"Because if what you were saying a few weeks ago is still right, I'll only end up as Jacob's newest beard," I replied. "Really. Rose? What did Edward ever do to make you hate him like that?"

"He's a manwhore dating my best friend," Rose shrugged. "If that isn't enough then I don't know what is."

"Would you please for the love of God just…stop it?" I groaned. "Edward isn't going to fuck around on me. I _know_ that!"

"Then tell me," Rose challenged, "where is he now?"

I gasped, looking sideways at Alice who shook her head. That, right there, was the exact reason why I hadn't told Rose where in Amsterdam Edward would be staying. I knew she'd only blow it up into something it wasn't.

_Just like she was doing right then._

"He's in Amsterdam," I answered, though clenched teeth. "He's staying with a friend."

Rose's eyes narrowed as they zoned in on me. "Man or woman?"

I sighed. "Woman. But it's not like that."

"So let me get this straight," Rose frowned. "Your boyfriend is out gallivanting across Amsterdam with his 'old friend' doing God knows what and you're okay with that?"

"Yes!" I scowled. "I trust him. Okay?" And I did. It was just rest of the world that I was a little more hesitant about. Especially when it had once been involved in Edward's rather shady past.

"You're an idiot!" Rose hissed.

"Rose-," Alice tried to come between us.

"No, Alice," Rose interrupted her. "It's about time someone talked some sense into her. I mean…. Did you even listen to a thing I said just now? The guy's a total manwhore!"

"He _used_ to be," I snarled. "See that, Rose? Past. Fucking. Tense."

Rose let out a bitter huff, her hair bouncing around as she shook her head. "It's my experience that there's no such thing as a reformed manwhore. It's a fairy tale the most disgusting, manwhory pigs of them all use to get innocent girls like you to spread their legs and open their hearts to heartbreak. It's like a fucking unicorn: every girl wants to believe it's out there but no one's ever seen a real one."

"Well I have," I snapped, breaking off a piece of bread.

"Rose, just leave it alone, okay?" Alice pleaded before Rose could say anything else. "Let's just eat and-"

"Fine," Rose huffed, "but don't say I didn't warn you."

"Did you hear anything from Jane about the Jared-situation?" Alice asked, quickly changing the subject.

I sighed, relieved the conversation was moving into safer waters. "I did. Basically she told me to suck it up and make the best of it."

Scowling, I mimicked Jane's voice as I went on. "You can't expect to get along with everyone you work with, Isabella. Jared Long is an excellent photographer and I'm sure the two of you will be able to work things out on the next assignment you work on. It's often in situations such as these that you learn the most."

"Yeah, right!" Alice huffed. "A girl can learn so much when she's being treated like a fucking toddler."

"Hear, hear!"I cried, clinging my glass against hers.

"Jane can be so erratic sometimes!" Alice went on. "It's like how things went with the Amsterdam piece: one moment she wants to incorporate it into your column and have you stay out there in Europe for weeks to save money, the next she wants Edward to go alone and have you flying back and forth between Europe and the US like a damn Frisbee! It makes me wonder if Aro isn't right about her after all."

"You know he isn't, Ally," Rose warned. As much as she sometimes shared our critique on her boss, she was also fiercely loyal, especially when it came to defending Jane against Aro's allegations. "Sure, she may be working in pretty damn mysterious ways sometimes but at the end of the day everyone will always agree that she's made the right decision."

"So…_what_?" I snarled. "I should just let Jared walk all over me in the hopes that it will all 'turn out for the best'?"

"Of course not, Bella!" Rose spat back. "Jared Long's a fucking slime ball! I know that, you know that, hell, I bet even Jane knows that."

"Then-"

"The thing is," she interrupted me, "if you let yourself be intimidated by suckers like him, you're never going to make it big in the field. Yeah, you're inexperienced and yeah, there are probably a lot of things you still have to learn but one of the most important of them all is sticking up for yourself."

She took a sip of her wine, calming herself before she spoke again. "Don't be a doormat, Bella. If Jared, or anyone else for that matter, does something you don't like then for God's sake speak up. I promise it will make your life a whole lot easier."

I breathed out a deep sigh. Of course I knew Rose was right. I'd had doormat tendencies all my life and that, combined with my great and irrational fear of the unknown and the unexpected, had held me back quite a lot of times in life. It was just that those things weren't just magically cured overnight. The thought along of going on a trip with Jared again, to endure the same humiliation and constant critical scrutiny made me want to lock myself into my room and hibernate for the foreseeable future.

"Bella?" Alice's hand folded around mine on the table, her eyes looking worried as they met my gaze. "As much as I hate to say it, sweetie, Rose may be right on this one."

"I know," I reluctantly agreed.

"Remember what it was like when Jane sent you to Rome?" Rose asked, waiting until I nodded. "You were so sure it was all going to end in tears and you were going to come home to an angry Jane cussing you out over being such a complete failure and firing you on the spot. Am I right?"

Again I nodded, feeling myself slowly warm up from the inside at the thought of those magical days I spent in Rome with Edward. "But that was different."

"It was," Rose nodded, "which will make this slightly harder but all the more rewarding if you do defeat Jared and his giant, inflated ego. But you _will_, Bella, I have no doubt about it that."

I smiled and uncertain smile, still wondering where all that trust in me came from. "I hope you're right."

Rose's words – all of them - kept ghosting through my mind the rest of the evening, long after I'd waved goodbye to both her and Alice from the back of my cab and holed up in my room, desperate to get as much sleep as I could before the alarm would go at five in the morning.

Five AM. Whoever invented such a time?

**oOo**

I was able to make use of the time spent waiting for my suitcase to send an e-mail to my prospective _Volturi Publishing_ editor I'd drafted in mid-air. We'd been e-mailing back and forth about the book for some time now, pitching ideas about what it should look like and which extras it should offer the reader before we could get stuck in any of the 'real' stuff.

I was still very freaked out about that 'real stuff' she was going on about but now that I had Mary to help me out and, most importantly, now that I knew I wouldn't be dealing directly with Aro, the worst of my fears had been shushed.

_Besides, why was I even thinking about Aro when only a few minutes more would have me face to face with Edward?_ I smiled, wishing my luggage to hurry the hell up since it was keeping me from what I wanted. Or should I say, _who_ I wanted?

My heart sped up, my hands fisting around my shoulder bag as I hopped nervously from one leg to the other. It had been weeks since we'd seen each other in the flesh and though the webcam helped, it wasn't the same as having him next to me. _To kiss him and hold him and fall asleep in his arms…_

He was there, the minute I stepped out of the arrivals hall, his arms embracing me, his arms embracing me while his hot lips brushed against my neck, leaving wet kisses against my heated skin while we took the opportunity to breath each other in. Just like that, I was whole again, my body humming in quiet contentment as the hole in my heart became filled with his love again.

"You're here," he smiled, kissing me softly, lovingly on my lips. His eyes held that same longing as mine probably did as we stared at each other for one perfect moment, just happy to be together again.

"I'm here," I answered with a shaky voice, returning his kisses enthusiastically.

"Let's go," he grabbed my hand, his other taking the suitcase from me as we set off in search of a cab. "I need to be alone with you."

I closed my eyes, absorbing the shiver that ran all the way down my spine. "Yes." I needed that too.

All the way to our hotel I kept my eyes glued to the window even though the scenery, the same as in any other city in the world, surrounding the main roads we traveled on, wasn't particularly interesting. It was the tension, the physical pull towards Edward sitting on the other end of the back seat, that made me crawl further into my corner lest I give into the temptation – the _urge_ – to jump his bones right in the line of sight of our cab driver and whosoever was driving around us on the _Autobahn_ at that time.

"I was hoping the magazine would go for a hotel in the East part of town," Edward remarked as the car turned off the main road.

I looked at him, cautiously and all the while making sure to keep my physical distance. "Why?"

"I know that part better," he chuckled. "I never really went over to the West that much, to be honest. It was a little too bourgeois for our liking and…" He shrugged. "It wasn't like there was anything we missed by sticking to the East part of the city."

"I bet you didn't tell Jane!' I giggled, knowing that if even my boss suspected things may not run as smoothly as she might like, she would have foisted a tour guide onto us. And an intruder was about the last thing we wanted right now.

"No," he grinned back slyly, making me have to press my legs together to keep the tension from erupting. "That information is on a strictly 'need to know'. She didn't need to know."

"I bet she disagrees!" I joked. Sighing contently as I leaned my head against his shoulder, watching the city fly by.

The cackling, unbearable tension was back the minute Edward closed the door of the hotel room – _our_ hotel room – behind us, the electric sensual energy buzzing almost painfully as his deep, green eyes soared in mine. "I _need_ you."

His voice reverberated through my body, making me hot and wet with need. _Fuck, I'd missed this so much!_ "Then have me," I panted, out of breath even though I'd done nothing to warrant it. _Yet_.

"Now." His voice rumbled out of him, his hands taking hold as his lips crashed to mine, ambling our bodies into the desk that rested against the wall.

"Yes, now," I repeated, spreading my legs to grant him access as his lips left mine just long enough to pull my shirt over my head, my fingers already working him out of his coat and button up as he groaned his erection into me. "No more waiting."

My head fell back as he hit me at just the right spot, tiny glints of good things to come exploding behind me eyes as he pulled the cups of my bra down, my breasts spilling into his hands as I finally managed to work his belt free. "God, yeah!"

"Lift!" he commanded, my arms wrapping around my neck as he freed me from my pants and underwear, throwing them somewhere behind him before letting his hands wander up my legs to where I wanted him most. "Fuck baby, you did this for me?" He groaned deep in his chest when his hands found my newly bare pussy.

"For you," I gasped, quivering as his fingers found my clit. "Always."

His pants dropped to the floor, his erection free and twitching as he removed his fingers to place it at my entrance and pushed in without further ado, my fingers digging into his skin as his lips met mine. _This was so much better than webcamsex!_

"Fuck! I'm not going to last long, sweetheart," he groaned, his forehead leaning against mine and his hot, labored breaths cooling over my skin as he moved inside me.

"That's okay," I breathed, wrapping my legs around his waist as I met his thrusts, my voice trailing off into a moan as I slowly got lost in the pleasure of having him inside me again.

For the news moments the only sounds in the rooms were panty words and breathy moans, accompanied by the movement of skin against skin as we got lost in each other, our hands groping skin and tearing clothes out of place as they re-familiarized themselves with that which they'd missed so much.

"Fuck!" His eyes were squeezed shut as his movements sped up, the desk creaking as it slammed against the wall in time with our movement. "Baby, what are you doing to me?."

The wild look in his eyes as he pounded into me drove me almost mad with lust, the coil already starting to wind up, ready to burst at any second. _So good. So good. Fuck, so good!_

"Edward" I gasped, his cock hitting me at exactly the right point over and over again. "Just. Like. That. I'm…_oh_!" Words were beyond me as I felt myself clamping around him, a million starts exploding in front of my eyes as I erupted.

"Like that," he purred, his sexy voice whispering in my ear as wave after wave of pleasure rolled over me.

His lips met mine in a wet, sloppy kiss as he continued to pound into me, his movements becoming more erratic the closer he got until he stilled, my name falling from his lips as he found his release, my hands playing with his hair as I kissed his forehead, feeling happy now that the part that had been missing from my life – my heart – had been restored.

It was the first of many rounds that night. In between we paused just long enough to order rooms service and feed each other so that we were both ready and energized to dive back in each other's arms until finally we drifted into sleep, our bodies tangled together and my head resting just above his heart. _Would always be like this when there would was more ocean between us. I couldn't wait to find out!_

It was how I awoke the next morning, pleasantly sore and dazed as I tried to muster enough strength to life my head from its comfortable, though slightly moving pillow.

"Hey," Edward smiling eyes greeted me as soon as I succeeded.

I grinned lazily. "Hey."

His arms formed a protective cage around my body as if he was afraid some psychopath was going to come falling from the ceiling to snatch me away. "You look beautiful."

I snorted. "Liar!" I could already feel that my hair was sticking up at all ends and if the lack of sleep was anything to go by….Well, I probably looked like death warmed up.

He laughed, the cadence of his happiness making my body sway on top of his. "No matter what you say, you still look lovely to me." He kissed my forehead, his nose rubbing against mine in a sweet, Eskimo kiss, before his lips found mine. "You'll always look lovely to me."

"You're biased." I rolled my eyes, my cheeks flushing when suddenly I realized just how perfectly our bodied were aligned at that moment.

"I am." Judging from the tone of his voice he felt it too, a small gasp leaving my mouth when in the blink of an eye I was underneath him and his erection slid into me; slowly and carefully testing the waters until our bodies took over, hands clawing and skin slapping against skin in an increasingly frantic pace until the air was filled with breathy cried of ecstasy and the smell of sex. It was the best way I'd ever woken up.

A joined shower and a quick breakfast later and we were on our way, strolling along the broad streets of western Berlin until we hit upon a vast park stretching out all the way to the _Brandenburger Tor, _or Brandenburg Gate, the magnificent landmark that had been a fixture in the city's history for as long as it had existed.

It was strange being here, in this city that Edward had lived in. Other than London and Paris I knew that here, he had been at his wildest, the furthest removed from the Edward I knew today. Would things have gone the same way between us, had we met back then. _Probably not._ It made me wonder what it was like to him. Did it make him feel awkward to be back here, or had so much changed in the meantime that it didn't bother him?

I waited, a freshly procured helping of Starbucks cappuccino in hand, as Edward moved around the gate, his eyes focused on light, shadow and whatever it was that photographers looked for when they were trying to go for that killer shot that would earn them fame and fortune.

It was such a sexy sight, watching the artist at work as he stalked his subject almost like a predator and I could feel myself heating up again at the thought that he was all mine. Or at least, he was for the next couple of days. _How long until it was time for bed again?_

"I forgot to ask," I started, handing over my half-finished cappuccino when he rejoined me. "How did it go in Amsterdam? Do you think Jane will be happy with the end result?"

He shrugged lightly, taking a sip from my coffee as he looked out in front of him. "I still have a lot of touching up to do so I'm not one hundred percent sure yet but yeah, I think I did a pretty decent job."

"Did that cop give you any more grief for trampling all over his crime scene?" I asked, chuckling when I remembered Edward calling me up late at night just after he'd been cussed out to within an inch of his life for entering a crime scene before the police had cleared him to do so. _Yeah, not a really smart move. _

"Nah," Edward snickered. "Turns out they were just about to release the scene anyway so as long as I promised to blur the faces of the people recognizable in the frames they were okay with it."

"You got away good there," I smiled, linking my arm through his as we started to walk towards what I assumed was _Unter den Linden_, the broad, stately linden-tree lined avenue that led from the gate into the eastern part of the city. "That could have ended very differently." If the cop had been my dad he would have probably landed his ass in jail or at the very least been ordered to erase all of the frames he'd shot at the scene.

"I know," Edward breathed, his relief rolling of him in waves. "And even if I didn't, I would have by the time Tanya was done ranting at me in three different languages."

Ah, yes. _Tanya_. Up until then Edward had been quite excruciatingly vague about his interactions with Tanya over the last couple of days, which did nothing to stop the seed of doubt Rose's words had planted in my brain from sprouting out like a damn weed. It was maddening, even more so because no matter how much I carefully tried to pry information loose from Edward, all I got was tiny snippets and unsatisfying replies. I barely knew enough about the woman to form an image of her in my mind, let alone keep that image from being a threat to me. I felt like we were back at square one.

Over the past couple of months I'd started to really hate that place.

The worst thing was that I couldn't, not for the life of me, understand what all the secrecy was about. Did this Tanya person have some sort magical power that required her to be kept hidden or something? Or was it just that Edward was knowingly keeping me out of that part of his history; that part of his person. But why?

He'd told me everything, or at least I thought he had. So why the secrecy? Was he afraid I was going to get jealous when he told me about the time he spent with his female best friend? Did I have reason to be? I'd always thought not. Edward had been very clear to me when he'd told me that things weren't like that between them but then again….why all the secrecy?

_Ugh! _ I scowled, rubbing my gloved fingers against my temple. _This whole boyfriend thing was starting to turn into my own personal migraine hell. _

"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward asked, looking worriedly at me as he took a pull from his cigarette.

"Nothing," I lied. "I was just thinking."

"About?" his free hand reached up and touched the frown lines between my eyes, smoothing them until my face relaxed again.

I shrugged. "About Tanya, actually. You told her what happened?"

Unlike all the times before, my words didn't have the usual effect of having Edward clam up on me like a damn oyster. "Yes," he nodded, taking another drag from his smoke before tossing the butt into the gutter. "She's been a great help actually."

I pursed my lips, feeling the green monster stir inside of me. _This was not the sort of stuff I wanted to hear._ "How so?"

"It's always better to have a second set of eyes," Edward shrugged, playing it off like it wasn't important. _Like I didn't have eyes too. _"She's always been good when it comes to helping me out. For some reason she's always able to put the finger on what's lacking or what could be better."

And right there was the source of my envy where it came to Tanya. She was an artist and as such she could be there for Edward in so many ways I could not. I knew this. I knew that if I wanted to be with Edward, I'd have to accept this. But knowing didn't make it any easier.

"There's-," Edward fidgeted, stalling as he sparked up another cigarette.

"What?" I asked, my voice a little fiercer than I perhaps wanted it to be.

"There's this party at a friend's place tonight," Edward muttered, pulling the neckline of his leather jacket up against a sudden gust of cold wind. "Tanya's gonna be there and I was wondering….well, she wanted to….."

I arched my brow, my heart hammering in my throat as I wanted for Edward to stop muttering on incoherently and actually tell me what was going on.

"Oh, fuck it!" he finally groaned, taking another strengthening pull from his smoke before tossing it away. "Do you want to go there? To the party?"

I swallowed, my lips cold and wet against the icy air. Part of me wanted nothing more than to 'meet the enemy', if fact, it was jumping for joy at the prospect of being let inside that part of Edward and his past, but another part was scared to death of what I was going to find there. "Do _you_ want to go?"

He shrugged, again trying to play it all off like a small, insignificant matter but the truth was in his eyes. "I think it may be a great chance for you to see the other side of Berlin. You know? The underground scene? But I understand if you'd rather not-"

"We'll go," I interrupted him, feeling the onslaught of a killer panic attack set on as soon as the words had left my mouth. _What the hell was I doing?_

"Great!" Edward looked as happy as a little boy. Relieved to, though I couldn't imagine why. "I can't wait for you to meet everyone."

I swallowed, plastering a smile onto my face as I followed him; noticing a spring in his step that hadn't been there before. "The party's being held in a converted warehouse where a lot of the gang live and I can't wait to show you…." _Strange. Just a minute ago he seemed so nervous about something and now? He looked like a kid finding out his parents were taking him to fucking Disneyland. What was up with that?_

My mind trailed off as he rattled on, wondering with a growing distress what the hell I'd gotten myself into. Too late now. I'd already said yes.

I tried not to pay attention to that nagging voice in the back of my head for the rest of the day. With sights to see and a new city to discover I'd have been a fool to miss it because I was mulling over what 'might be'. And Berlin, like every other city I'd seen so far, was amazing.

As we walked back towards the _Reichstag_ building, the immense stone palace that housed the German government, Edward regaled me with stories about his time in Berlin, from the people he met, some of which I would be meeting later that night, to the buildings and atmosphere that made Berlin such an unique place to live.

We were in luck. When finally, after a trek through side streets lined with modern architecture we stumbled upon the destination of our journey to find the line waiting for admission into the building almost none-existent and after a quick security check we made our way to the top.

As we reached the glass dome, the view surrounding us on every side was amazing, spreading out over all quarters of the city and allowing us a magnificent birds-eye view of east, west, old and new.

"What's that?" I arched my head to the side, snuggling into Edward's chest as he stood behind me.

His eyes followed the direction my finger pointed in as his arms tightened around my wais, filling me with warmth inside and out, both from his physical closeness and the love that flowed so freely between the two of us. "That's the _Kanzleramt_," he chuckled. "You could say it's Germany's answer to the White House."

"Hmm," I mused, tightening my eyes as I scrutinized the building's odd, modernist exterior and sleek white walls. "I think I like our White House better."

"Believe me," Edward smiled, kissing the top of my head. "So do a lot of people around here."

"Then why built something like that?" I wondered, still trying to make sense of the building.

"Because when the Berlin Wall fell, a huge gap in the city opened up, not just from where the wall was, because the actual wall wasn't that wide, but mostly because of what's called the '_sperrgebiet'_, the no-man's-land in between the two halves of the city," Edward explained. "When the wall came down they could have just elected to rebuilt what was there before the Wall and the Allied bombing of Berlin during World War II like they did with the _Reichstag,_ or turn it into a park or something but instead they allowed modern architects to put their stamp on the inner city and showcase what this day and age has to offer in the way of building."

I nodded, letting my eyes glide along the skyline where old mixed with new. "I still don't like that building, though."

"Nor do I, sweetheart." His arms closed around my body as he leaned his chin on my shoulder. "But I do like some of the new stuff that's been built around here over the last couple of years. We could take a look at it later on? There are some really big names that contributed to it."

I nodded. "But we're going to Checkpoint Charlie first, right?"

"Sure." Edward rolled his eyes, trying very hard not to smile as I almost dragged him down the ramp again, eager to get to the one place in Berlin that played into my imagination more than any other place. And it wasn't just because it shared my dad's name.

Back when I was a little girl growing up in Forks my junior high history teacher had this huge replica of the sign hanging at Checkpoint Charlie up on the wall of his classroom. The stories he told about that time, I was so psyched to be there and to really see the place where the sign hand hung, to be totally immersed in history right at the place where it was made.

The place itself when we made it there….well, it wasn't a disappointment per se but somehow in the back of my mind I'd made it up to be this huge, monumental space when in reality it was just a busy road with the checkpoint standing in the middle of it surrounded by sandbags and flags. And tourists. Lots of them.

I did manage to get a replica of a permit, just like the ones used during the Cold War, with all the stamps and insignia that used to be needed to cross the border, from one of the people walking around in period military costumes as well as a picture with her and some of her colleagues.

Afterwards we checked out the quirky museum close to the Checkpoint, detailing the history of the Wall and the many different ways people had tried to flee across it before heading back to the hotel to grab something to eat and get ready for the party.

"Bella?" Edward's face appeared from behind the half-opened door to the bathroom. "We should get going in a bit of we want to get out there before everyone's too drunk to notice the new arrival."

I sighed, nodding my head. "I'll be out in a minute."

As soon as we'd made it back to our room, the nerves that I'd been able to keep at bay for most of the day had set back in, attacking me in all their ferocity with so many questions and fears that right then all I wanted to do was curl up under the bed and pretend I wasn't there. What if I didn't fit in? I mean, as much as I may do my best to blend in with his friends, I knew there wasn't even the remotest bit of bohemian in me.

_Oh my God!_ What if there were girls around who knew him when he was still doing drugs and being an asshole. Girls who knew him like that bitch Chelsea did?

And if that wasn't bad enough, there was still Tanya to reckon with.

How should I act when face to face with Tanya? Did I go for the fierce approach and try to melt her face off with a withering glare or would I do better trying to befriend her and find out as much about her feelings for Edward as I could from that angle?

Most of all I knew that, before I could play any of those tactics, I needed to get dressed first because as free spirited as Edward's friend may turn out be, I was sure that even among them it was considered bad manners to turn up at a house party wearing nothing but your underwear. Let alone fucking cold.

Still, what the hell does one wear to a Bohemian house party?

"Edward?" I walked out of the bathroom, knowing that if I wanted to get some clothes on my body I'd have to go within grabbing range of my suitcase first.

Edward swallowed visibly, his eyes darkening while they drifted over my body as he sat back on the bed, the camera in his lap momentarily forgotten.

"We don't have time for that!" I scowled, rifling through my suitcase in search for something remotely boho. "What should I wear?"

"Pants and a shirt?" Edward offered, scratching the back of his head.

"You're no help!" I grumbled, digging into the bottom of my suitcase for a pair of skinny jeans I remembered packing and a dark grey turtleneck sweater that according to Alice, made my boobs look nice and had the added bonus of matching Edward's light grey hoodie. Combined with the charm bracelet it would hopefully sustain my claim over him against any predators looming at the party.

"You done?" Edward asked impatiently as I finished up by adding a pair of brass, leaf shaped earrings. He didn't look as cool and collected as he had done this morning when he suggested going to this party. In fact, now that I came to think of it, he looked about as frightened and nervous as I was. _Strange_.

"Just about," I smiled back, catching his reflection in the mirror. It didn't exactly putting me at ease, the way he was shifting his weight from one foot to the next as his hands played with the keycard only magnifying my own nervousness.

"You look amazing." The pride in his voice gave me some much needed confidence, my skin reacting to the buzz I felt when he came to stand right behind me, his eyes never leaving mine as his hands trailed from my shoulders to mine, weaving our fingers together in a tight bond. "I'm sure everyone will love you, Bella."

"I hope so," I croaked, leaning in for a quick kiss before we were off.

**oOo**

Whatever I might have expected walking into the huge, converted warehouse that belonged to one of Edward's friends, the cozy mix between art gallery and living space wasn't it.

There were people everywhere, mingling in between the art and tables laden with food and drinks as edgy rock music blared into the high vaulted room, drowning out the buzz of conversation as Edward, more nervous than ever, pulled us into the fray of people milling about the place.

"Andrej!" Edward called out, his grip on my waist mercifully tight as we managed to weave our way through the busy room on our way to whatever destination he had in mind.

A guy – Andrej, I suspected – sporting one of the most impressive Mohawks I'd ever seen in my life (not that I'd seen that many of them, to be honest, though) looked up, his face breaking into a smile the minute he spotted Edward and me pushing our way through the crowd.

"Edward!" he reached put and pulled Edward into a hug as if he was the Prodigal Son returned. "_Wilkommen_! You've been sorely missed! _Wie geht's_?"

"I'm fine as always," Edward chuckled, reclaiming his hold on me as he detached himself from Andrej's hold. "The same goes for you, or so I see." He looked around him appreciatively. "The place looks good."

"It does, doesn't it?" Andrej's gaze followed Edwards before finally settling on me. "I see you've brought a friend."

"Ah, yes!" Edward looked almost giddy as he pushed me forward a bit. "Andrej, allow me to introduce my girlfriend, Bella Swan."

"Girlfriend you say?" Andrej asked, looking quite astonished. "Well, then it's a pleasure to meet the woman who finally managed to tame our Edward."

He then bowed in my direction; the whole rakishly handsome look topped by his thick German accent as he spoke. "I'm Andrej Palzer. Me and Edward, we go back a long time."

"Don't believe a word Andrej tells you," Edward joked. "Before you know it he'll have you believe he taught me everything I know!"

"Which is madness," a female voice spoke, "because by the time we made it here, _I'd_ already taught Edward everything he knows."

Andrej merely grinned, stepping aside to let a woman into our circle, her reddish blond hair shining in the artificial light that made her skin seem almost translucent. She was flawless, almost like a porcelain doll, the kind of beauty that would make you gawk unabashedly no matter how impolite it was.

"That goes without saying, Tanya, _liebling_," Andrej joked, wrapping his arm around the woman_. Of course. Tanya. Why couldn't she be a hunchback with yellow teeth and jam jar glasses? Why did she have to be beautiful in a way that made you wonder if little birds helped her get dressed in the morning? This was so not fair!_

"Bella!" I looked up just in time to see the woman in question careening at me, my face almost smothered in strawberry hair as she pulled me into a hug that made me stumble on my feet. "I'm so happy to meet you! Edward's told me so much about you it feels like we've already met!"

_What the hell?_ I hugged her back confusedly, trying to crane my head around the mass of red curls to find Edward's face in the hope it would somehow soothe my nerves. _This was so not going as I expected._

"What's this I see?" I was able to shift the curtain of Tanya's hair back just enough to spot another unearthly beautiful woman joining us. "My girl with her arms around another woman? What the hell is going on?"

I could see she was only speaking in jest but between my own shock and her German accent I was starting to feel sufficiently intimidated and probably looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a monster truck as I pried loose only to find that I'd just become the center of everyone's attention. Which happened to be another thing I hated.

"You know I'd never cheat on you even if she was gay which regrettably, she isn't," Tanya giggled, pushing me towards beauty number two. "This is Bella, _gekkie_! _Edward's_ Bella"

I froze, probably looking like a frightened little rabbit as my mouth fell open in shock. _Wait a minute…Tanya was _gay_? How the hell did this happen?_

Still gawping at the two of them like they were exhibits in a museum I racked my mind, trying to think of everything Edward had told me about Tanya but coming up with no other clue about her sexual orientation except for the fact that he and Tanya never been attracted to each other. _I should have known._ _No breathing heterosexual woman could ever live with the likes of him and not jump on that. Well, Bella, on the plus side: you really have nothing to fear from her. _

"I'm Heidi," the woman spoke, settling for a friendly handshake and a smile by way of greeting me. "Tanya's girlfriend and that over there," I followed her finger to spot a guy standing in the middle of a group of girls, "is my brother Peter. I know. We totally hate our parents for putting us through that." Heidi and Peter. I could see what she meant.

"In fact," she mumbled, "I'd better go over there before he makes a fool out of himself. Or me." And just like that she was gone again, leaving me to reel from the huge bomb that had just been dropped on me on my own.

While I had been wandering from one big surprise into another, Edward and Andrej had been in deep discussion over something, Andrej tugging on Edward's arm as Edward looked reluctant over something.

"Oh for goodness sake! Go with him!" Tanya giggled. "Andrej's been hoping to show you his latest work all day. I'm sure Bella will be quite safe here with me while you're on the other side of the room."

I wasn't so sure about that myself and neither, as it appeared, was Edward, his tongue licking his lips nervously as he tried to come up with a suitable excuse. But it seemed neither of us really had a choice because between Andrej's hopeful face and Tanya's insisting Edward go with him, the decision had already been made.

"You won't mind?" he asked, his hand playing with my fingers as he looked at me, silently begging me to come up with something.

I did mind, not that I would ever admit it. "Not at all. Go!" I shooed him off, my voice high with nervous energy. I needed some time to think and decide how pissed off I was with him for not letting me stew about the Tanya-situation for weeks while he held the key to setting my mind at rest all along.

"I won't be long," he assured me, kissing my forehead before he disappeared after Andrej into the crowd with a sharp, poignant look in Tanya's direction. I frowned, trying to come up with an explanation for their silent conversation but drawing a blank.

Tanya's hand touched against mine and I looked up to find her smiling at me. "I cannot begin to say how happy I am that Edward found you, Bella," she spoke, the warmth in her words were I'd expected cold rejection taking me a little aback. "You're good for him. I can see that."

I hadn't expected that, my surprise leaving me completely shocked for a few moments until I found my voice again. "T-thanks?" I stammered, following the movement of her hand as it rubbed over…... _Oh my God_! "You're pregnant?" I hadn't noticed it before because of the wide shirt she was wearing but with the way her hand was moving over it I could see a very faint bump.

Tanya was gay and she was pregnant. How did this happen? Why hadn't he told me? Unless…_Unless he had something to do with it. _

"It's still very new, but yes," Tanya smiled. "It's funny how Peter's almost as excited for the baby to be born as Heidi and I are!"

I could feel my shoulders move down with relief. Peter. He was the father. _Thank you God for not making taking whole thing into the realm of bad daytime television!_

"He's told about what you did for him in London and…after," I spoke, finding my voice again. "He really looks up to you."

"Sometimes I don't recognize him anymore," she sighed, casting a forlorn glance at Edward, who was still deep in conversation with Andrej. I couldn't help but think that was a good thing, even though from the look of it I suspected Tanya might disagree.

"I don't blame you," she continued, speaking softly yet smiling sadly. "I know Edward seems to think I do and …._ik weet niet_…..maybe….maybe I did for a while. It was easier that way."

I frowned, not really understanding what she was going on about. "How so?"

She sighed, barely avoiding being splashed by her own drink as a couple of girls ran squealing across the room, followed by a guy who'd clearly used something judging by the way his pupils were dilated and he was running around the place like a man possessed. "Let's go someplace quieter? Where we can talk?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea." I shot a cautious glance at Edward, not quite sure if I wanted to be in the same room as this Tanya who, gay or not, still made me feel threatened. "I promised Edward-"

"I wouldn't worry about Edward!" Tanya chuckled, following my gaze. "I've seen him like this a million times. When there's art to discuss, Edward can keep going on for ages. Really, he won't even notice we're gone."

I frowned, watching as Edward gesticulated wildly at his conversation partner before breaking into a thundering belly laugh, his eyes shining with humor as he slapped Andrej on the back. It was good to see him like this: so happy and carefree in the company of his old friends. "Maybe-"

"We could go up to the entresol," Tanya suggested. "It's usually much quieter there and you could still keep your eye on him."

"Okay." I sighed, not completely convinced that this was a good idea but not wanting to piss off Edward's best friend either.

"_Geweldig_!" she squealed, tugging me in the direction of a narrow iron staircase that spiraled its way up to the mezzanine. "There's actually some really great artwork up there that you have to see. Andrej and Sofia always try to get new visitors to leave their mark up there and over the years it's morphed into this kind of living wall of art. I think there may even be some of Edward's work there, that is, if someone hasn't painted over it."

She was right. When we reached the mezzanine my eyes were immediately drawn to the eclectic mesh of styles and colors lining all three of the walls. It was overwhelming, my head spinning as it tried to get caught up with all the shapes and colors stimulating my brain.

"This is amazing," I breathed, my cheeks flaming into a blush when my eyes fell on a particularly explicit, almost pornographic scene of two lovers, tucked away between a painting of a beautiful landscape and something abstract I couldn't make out for the life of me.

"Hmm," Tanya hummed, her face hovering over the opposite wall. "There! It's still here!"

I walked over to where she was standing, careful to not disturb some of the art on the floor even thought I was pretty sure it was meant to be trodden on, my lungs sucking in a sharp breath when Tanya stepped aside, revealing the work of art she'd been looking for.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Tanya mused, her eyes far away as her fingers touched along the lines of two female bodies, joined in an erotic embrace. _This was Edward's?_

"Yes." These kinds of things weren't usually my thing but I had to admit that once my mind was able to wrap around the orgy of naked flesh displayed for everyone to see, there was this really strong, sensual power to the small, black and white Polaroid pictures, attached to the wall in the shape of a heart. They were erotic, rather than pornographic, the way the arms, legs and long tendons of hair were arranged around their bodies lifting the pictures from Playboy material into the realms of the art world. And I had to admit that the longer I stared at them, the hotter they made me feel. "Edward did this?"

Tanya nodded, looking as proud as I felt at that moment. "That was such a magical night," she mused. "I was so certain Edward was going to back out at the last moment but Heidi swore to me-"

"That's you and Heidi?" I gasped, looking back and forth between the pictures and the woman standing next to me. Suddenly the heat the erotic subject matter stirred inside of me was joined by another kind of flame as jealousy sparked in my chest.

Tanya nodded, looking more proud than embarrassed at the thought of sharing such an intimate act between her and her partner not just with a third party but with pretty much everyone who had access to this place.

"Aren't you, you know, embarrassed about being seen naked by everyone?" I asked, the words flying out of my mouth before I could stop to consider if they were rude.

Tanya merely shrugged. Apparently it wasn't even a big deal to her. "Hardly anyone knows who Edward's subjects were. Just Andrej, Peter and now you."

Yeah, but she still had sex, or something so close to sex that you wouldn't be able to spot the difference unless you were standing right on top of it, in front of Edward. It may have been awfully 'small town' of me but I could never even fathom doing a thing like that. Let alone do it.

"We were so close back then," Tanya went on reminiscing, her tone distant and her eyes half closed. "It was almost like he had become a part of us."

I frowned, the jealous sparks kindling into a full on fire the more I listened to her talk about how 'close' she and my boyfriend had been. Edward had some serious explaining to do when we were back in our hotel room.

She sighed, rubbing her belly. "That was why I was so angry at first, when Edward backed out of our deal." She took a few shaky breaths and for a moment I wasn't quite sure if she was sad or angry. That was, until she looked up and I saw both emotions and so much more reflected in her eyes, my body subconsciously going into full alert at the raw intensity of her gaze. _This was something big, something I probably wasn't going to like_. "He was supposed to Rome to sort himself out, stay there for a year, two at the most, and come back to us to start our family."

Only some sort of superhuman strength kept me from crying out or doing anything else to clue her in that, contrary to what Tanya may have thought, I knew nothing of this. _Edward…..he was supposed to be the father? What…_

"I didn't hate you, not even when I thought I did, or should," she went on, interrupting my train of thought. "I guess I just hated the fact that I couldn't have it my way, the perfect way. I see now how it would have been impossible for him to father a child with Heidi and me while being in love with someone else. If it had been me I would have made the same decision."

My mind was still reeling, trying to make sense of it all and hoping this was all just some sort of horrible dream I would wake up from in a moment or two. But I didn't. Instead I was forced to sit there, next to that unearthly beautiful woman who seemed to know everything about Edward that I, his girlfriend for crying out loud, didn't know. And the realization of what he'd kept from me…I knew that when the shock wore off I'd feel the humiliation and anger and betrayal that were appropriate for a situation like the one I was stuck in the middle of but right then I just felt numb; my mind completely knocked unconscious as I sat rooted to the spot.

All of this had been going on right under my nose but at no point had Edward ever felt the need to share any of it with me, his girlfriend. Hell, he could have been a father and I wouldn't have even known! How could he have looked me in the eye and promised me he wasn't going to keep any more secrets from me, knowing that this was going on?

Tanya looked at me calmly as I tried to process everything I'd just found out and I must have made some sort of acknowledgement or produced some sort of sound of assent. "I'll miss him, though. I know there's things like Skype and stuff but if he does decide to move to New York with you, as I think he should, none of this will be the same."

"Wait," I breathed, my brain still trying to catch up. "Edward's moving?" For a moment my heart leapt with joy at the thought of Edward moving to New York to be with me until I realized that though all of this seemed to be old news to Tanya, Edward had never spoken a word about it to me. As far as I knew there were plans, but they were still very vague and far away.

Tanya let out a small gasp, her eyes wide as she covered her mouth with her hand. "He didn't tell you? You didn't know?"

I shook my head, my voice hard as I started to get more and more angry. _How could he do this to me? The best friend, the baby and now a move I didn't know anything about? How could he leave me so far out of the loop?_ "No, I didn't know."

And I was beginning to wonder whether I'd ever known him at all.

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_**Buckle up, my dears. There be angst.**_

_**Just in case you're wondering. Yes, Bella's home-waxing-fiasco was based on a real life experience of mine. That'll teach me to think I can do that sort of stuff myself **_

_**Thanks so much for reading. As always, reviewers will get teased. **_


	28. The City with the Two Faces pt2

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Jadsmama deserves my undying love and gratitude for beta'ing this story. Love ya!**_

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**Chapter 25 – The City with the Two Faces**

_**Where everything fell apart…..including me.**_

She knew.

I felt it the moment I laid eyes on her; confusion, hurt and anger marring her beautiful face as she looked at me.

_She knew. _

I sucked in a sharp breath, my eyes flashing from Bella to Tanya who looked about equal parts pissed off and angry as she held Bella in an almost protective hold. It didn't surprise me. As hostile as she had been towards Bella before she knew her, I knew that the minute Tanya would find out just how much of myself I'd kept hidden from my girl, she would be fighting Bella's corner like a lioness. She never did stand for any of my bullshit.

I licked my lips, my mouth dry with fear as my eyes settled back on Bella. "I want to-"

"Not now." Her voice trembled with emotion as she cut me off before I could voice my desperate need to explain, her eyes fixed to the ground and her shoulders hunched as if she'd suffered a huge blow. Which, I guess, she had.

"Please," I begged, taking a tentative step close. "I _need_ to-"

Her eyes shot up, blazing fire as they linked with mine. "I said _not now_."

Tanya rose, her hand on Bella's shoulder as she looked up at me, her eyes burning with rage and her voice short and clipped as she spoke. "I think you'd better take her back to the hotel, Edward."

I nodded, looking back at Bella who had her eyes on the art-wall now. "Bella, do you-"

"Yes," she responded, her voice hard and the shutters still firmly up. It hurt, more than any blow I'd sustained in my life, to see her like this and know that I'd been the one to cause it.

"Okay." I sighed, rubbing my hands over my face as if they could do something to wash away the turmoil raging inside. "I'll go get us a cab."

Walking downstairs in a daze I called the number for the cab company that had gotten us there and waited outside for it to arrive, knowing there was no point in going back inside and try to talk to Bella. I was probably the last person in the world she wanted to talk to at the moment, she'd made that perfectly clear a few minutes ago. No, as much as I wanted to talk to her and explain, I knewI'd have to wait for her to come to me.

"Fuck!" I growled. _Why did this have to happen to me? Why now? Why here, when everything had been going so great? _Of course I'd known the answers all along, my shoulders slumping with defeat as my mind rattled them off. _I caused this. I did that all along. I'd been so afraid that with every tumble Bella took down the fucked up rabbit hole that was my past, she'd more and more start to realize that our worlds were too far apart to unite them, that in the end it had driven her away._

Shaking my head I let out a bitter laugh. _Well, it's not like that wasn't going to happen anyway. _

Another growl erupted from my chest, a garbage can clattering across the pavement as I kicked it with all the anger I felt inside of me. My hands wedged in my hair, pulling hard in a desperate attempt to feel something other than 'lost' and my eyes squeezed shut. "Dammit!" _I shouldn't have left her alone with Tanya. How could I have been so stupid?_

I'd known it was a mistake the moment I lost sight of her but given the situation; given the excitement in Andrej's eyes when he told me about his latest endeavor at incorporating pictures and techniques used in photography into his art, there was no other choice I could have made. Refusing would have been like a slap in the face to him; a rejection of the thing that mattered most to him.

I couldn't do that to him, not after all the help he'd given me and the nights we'd spent right there in that warehouse trying to fix leaky drains, polish wood and put down flooring as he listened to my miserable story. It had been like therapy to me but without the added weight of high costs and uncomfortable sofa's. In fact, it had been in one of my 'sessions' with Andrej that the idea to get some distance between me and my old life had first come up.

In a way, you could say that it was Andrej who'd brought me and Bella together. I'd owed him. But tonight I'd paid for it in blood.

"Are you done?" I looked up to see Tanya leaning against the front of the warehouse, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she glared at me. Her brows arched with sarcasm as her eyes followed the trail of garbage and the now newly dented garbage can strewn across the street. "Or do you have another innocent garbage can to punish?"

"Nope," I grumbled, sticking my hands into the pockets of my pants as I trudged back towards her. "I'm about done here for the night. Where's Bella?"

"She's in the bathroom, trying to straighten herself out." Her voice was short, clippy and picking up more anger with every word. She was still incredibly pissed off. _No surprise there_. "She'll join us here when she's ready."

I sighed, keeping my eyes on the floor knowing what was to come. "Good."

"How could you do that to her, Edward?" Tanya started, now sounding more hurt than angry. "How could you leave her in the dark like that? Are you-"

"Are you so ashamed of us…of who you are; who you used to be, that you can't even-" She paused, pinching the bridge of her nose as she took a few deep breaths to calm herself. "I-I want to understand why you did this; why you felt like you couldn't tell her about us…about our agreement. It was not like there was anything sordid going on….just you, a bunch of dirty magazines and a little plastic cup. The only difference would have been that I knew you and trusted you instead of picking someone out of a catalogue!"

The way she jumped to conclusions without stopping to think about what it might possibly have been like for me ignited a flame inside me. "And so you took it upon yourself to enlighten her?" I growled, digging in my pocket for my cigarettes.

"I thought she knew!" Tanya spat back.

"Well she didn't!" I yelled back, furiously inhaling my first draft of smoke, hoping it would do something to calm me the fuck down. _Why was everything going wrong, just when I thought that maybe things would turn out right? Why couldn't I have some bloody happiness for once?_

"What did you think to achieve with this, Edward?" she screeched, her German accent heavier the more angry she got. "Did you really think she wasn't going to find out? Or what was this? Some kind of defense mechanism?"

She gasped, on hand over her mouth as she stared at me, a new understanding in her eyes. "Did you really think she was going to pull a 'Vicky' on you?"

"I don't know, alright!" I yelled back, my eyes scanning the vicinity for something to kick or vet my anger upon. "At first I didn't know if I could tell her and then-"

I sighed, shaking my head in utter defeat. "Then it was too late." I kicked at a pebble, watching it skip away across the street and land underneath the wheels of a passing car, the crunching sound sounding oddly satisfying in the hollow silence.

"You'd better fix this, Edward," she warned me, pushing away from the wall as the light yellow taxi turned around the corner. "If you mess this up….." She shook her head. "You'll never find a girl like Bella again."

I hung my head, muttering softly. "I know." And I did, even though I suspected I'd already lost the fight even before it had begun. There was no way Bella was ever going to trust me again after this, let alone forgive me for once again leaving her in the dark about a very important part of my history. _She's leaving. _

As the cab slid to a stop in front of us I noticed movement near the door from out of the corner of my eyes. Bella emerged from the building looking as pale as a ghost, her shoulders hunched and her eyes anywhere but me as she on slowly crossed the distance from the door to the curb.

It was painful to watch, more so because I knew I'd been the cause of this. _I'd done this to her. I hurt her. _

She slid in silently, pressing her body against the door on the opposite end to be as far away from me as possible.

"Fix this, Edward," Tanya whispered, her eyes fierce and commanding as she held on to the door. "Fix this or so help me God….."

I nodded, sighing as I got into the car. "Thank Andrej for me?"I waited to see her nod before I went on. "Tell him I thought his new work was spectacular."

"I will." Tanya spoke, before leaning further down. "Bye, Bella. I'll see you next time, okay?"

I could hear Bella suck in a deep breath, steeling herself, before she glanced back our way, somehow managing to conjure a small smile onto her lips as she spoke. "Bye, Tanya."

And then we were on our way, the door closing and the engine roaring to life as the driver pulled out of the street and back towards our hotel. "Bella, I-" I tried.

"Not now," her voice was sharp as she interrupted me, her eyes trained to the window and the world outside. _Away from me. _

I hung my head, the pain of seeing her like that only adding to my shame. "Okay."

The rest of the way passed in uncomfortable silence, the sounds of peppy pop-music drifting in from the front of the car adding an almost surrealistic note. She was already out of the car as I paid the driver, the elevator doors sliding shut on her beautiful, sad face as I entered the building.

She didn't want to be in the same space as I was. _Could I blame her?_

The door to our room was open, faint light drifting into the darkened hallway as I dragged my feet, afraid of what the next couple of hours would bring.

"Bella, I-" I choked, my eyes searching until they found her near the open window, the net curtain billowing around her as a gust of air blew in. "I'm so sorry."

"Close the door." Her voice still had that controlled, almost robotic note to it that scared the hell out of me. Because I knew what it meant. The end.

I did what she said, waiting until the metallic click echoed to the room. "I'm sorry," I tried again, still clinging on to that last bit of hope, even though I knew it was fading as fast as a snowball in hell. "I know I should have told you and-"

"Why?" She looked at me, her eyes shining with the pain caused by my betrayal. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't-" I started.

"Do you have any idea how I felt?" she interrupted me, her voice picking up in anger with every word she uttered. "You made me look like an idiot out there!"

"And I'm sorry about that, okay?" My words came out a little more forceful than I might have wanted, my own despair and panic seeping through in my voice as I spoke. "Tanya should never have assumed-"

"Tanya isn't to blame!" she cried. "God, Edward, can't you see that? _You_ should have told me. You should have told me about her, about the baby, about you leaving Rome….." Her voice trailed off as she shook her head, her eyes drawing away from me again as she stared out of the window.

"I didn't know how you were going to react!" I explained. "I was afraid-"

"Of what, exactly?" Bella spat back. "Of me being angry? Humiliated? Disappointed, perhaps?"

"I was afraid you'd leave me, okay?" I shouted, my hands balling into fists the more my despair started to take over. "I was afraid that if you'd find out the truth about Tanya and me, you'd be so shocked you wouldn't want to have anything to do with me anymore."

She seemed completely surprised by that, her eyes wide and shining with unshed tears as she looked at me, her chest heaving with labored breaths. "Do you really think so little of me that you'd expect me to dump you over that? For heaven's sake, Edward! It not like you were going to actually sleep with her, was it?" Her voice picked up more anger with every words she spat at me. "You were going to help her find the one thing she was missing in her life. What's so wrong with that, that you felt like you _had_ to keep it a secret from me?"

"Come on, Bella!" I growled. "Don't act like you wouldn't have been okay with it if I did decide to father Tanya's child!"

"Of course I wouldn't!" she cried back. "I would have been jealous as hell but I would have tried to deal with that because I _love_ you! But finding out you left me completely out of the loop?"

She shook her head. "You promised me. Back in December when we were having this same discussion, you promised me this wouldn't happen again. You promised me you were going to be completely open with me. You promised me-" Her voice broke off in a sob as she sunk to the ground, looking like a broken porcelain doll with her hair strew out all around her.

"Bella-" My own voice broke as I rushed out towards her, needing to comfort her and make sure she knew that I never meant for this to happen. "I only wanted to make you happy and-"

She slapped me away before I could touch her, her red, puffy eyes filled with anger again. "You promised me and yet you kept me in the dark." The bitterness in her voice only confirmed what I already knew: she'd had enough. _She was leaving._

"I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear!" I begged her, inching closer on my knees as, very cautiously, one of my hands folded around her cheeks. _Her skin was so soft, so warm, so much like it had been earlier that day when everything had been alright._

A wave of relief washed over me when this time she didn't push me away, her big, sad eyes burning into mine as I added my other hand. "You have to believe me, Bella. I never wanted to hurt you, I just….I thought that if I just dealt with this on my own, you wouldn't _have_ to know."

"Do you really believe that?" she asked, her voice hoarse but calm again. "Do you really believe that it _would_ have been better to keep me in the dark?"

I sighed, closing my eyes. _Of course I didn't._ "I wanted to tell you," I admitted, "there were a few times I even very nearly did. It was just…"I closed my eyes, a few short, shallow breaths leaving my lungs before I was ready to speak again. "I was so afraid I was going to lose you."

"Why?" she wanted to know. "You said yourself you weren't going to do it, so why is it that you thought I wouldn't understand? You were merely going to do one of your best friends a huge favor but then you fell in love with another girl and decided to back out on the deal. Do you really think me so provincial that I couldn't have understood if you told me the truth?"

The way she put it made me feel like a completely and utter fool – which I was. "I don't….." I started, my words faltering. "When I met you in Rome and….and even today…..You're so good, so pure, so not like any other girl I've ever met…and I still think-"

I paused, trying to get my act together so that I could speak a complete sentence without stopping to change my mind halfway to the finish line. Bella deserved more from me than a few choppy, incomprehensible lines. "I believed that the more you found out what my life had been like before I met you, the more you'd conclude that I was all wrong for you….that you wanted nothing more to do with me."

"And so you kept it from me….because you were afraid of how I was going to react," Bella spoke, her voice cautious and slow as if she was testing the words on her tongue.

I nodded. "In London….After you told me you loved me I wanted to tell you."

"But you didn't," she finished for me. "What held you back?"

"The promise I made to you in December," I replied. "I'd made that promise and still I'd kept everything under wraps, even though it all happened back in November. I knew that when I told you, you were going to be angry and disappointed that I hadn't told you then."

"You didn't tell me you were moving." I closed my eyes, absorbing the blow when it came. _I knew it would but that didn't mean it diminished the pain of knowing just how unworthy I had made myself of her trust. Even if it had been done with the best of intention. Or was that the most selfish of intentions?_

"You didn't decided to leave Rome back in December, did you?" She moved back, my hands empty as they hung in the empty space her face had occupied just before.

"I didn't-" I inhaled, trying to phrase my words in a way that would make me look less like a complete sodding bastard. "I didn't want to raise expectations when I wasn't sure if or how I could ever fulfill them.."

Her head fell to the side, her eyes narrowing slightly in thought as she stared back at me. "Expectations of what exactly?"

I shrugged. "I wasn't sure yet of where I wanted to go and-"

"You were afraid I'd order my wedding dress the minute you were going to tell me you were contemplating leaving Rome?" she chuckled bitterly, shaking her head incredulously.

"No!" I answered immediately. "It wasn't like that. Not at all! I just wanted to make up my mind, knowing that it was _my_ decision where I wanted to go."

"Tell me." The sadness was back as she spoke. "Do you even see us living together at one point in your life?"

"Yes!" It was the truth. I did see the two of us ending up together. I just didn't know when or how.

"When?" she pressed.

_Yeah, when_. _That was the million dollar question._ "I don't know, Bella." I looked at her, silently asking for her to understand why I couldn't give her a straight answer; for her to understand _me_.

"You still don't see it, do you?" Her eyes looked back at me inquisitively. "If you'd have told me all about this back when it happened, it would have been okay , no big matter. I might not have liked everything you told me but I would have understood. But now…"

She sighed, raising herself up on her heels and giving me a wide berth as she walked past me. "By lying to me, even if it was just a lie by omission, you did the one thing I promised myself I'd never let a man do to me ever again."

She swallowed, he veins visible in her throat as she took a moment to calm herself down again. "You betrayed me, Edward. You betrayed my trust. You may not have fooled around with another woman out when you let me walk in there completely blindfolded and waiting to make a fool out of myself….."

She sighed, picking up a few of her things from the floor that had landed there earlier that night in her quest for the perfect outfit. "It made me feel like I did back then….like everything I believed in, everything I trusted in, was a lie."

"No!" I jumped up, my advance towards her stopped when she slid the rack that held her suitcase to fill the narrow gap between the wall and the bed, physically blocking my way to her. "Please Bella! I never meant it like that!"

She paused what she was doing, her hands full as she looked at me, her eyes sad but resigned. "I know." She sighed, her hands going back to dunking stuff into her suitcase.

My forehead broke out in a cold, panicked sweat as my eyes followed her every move. "I…what are you doing?" _What does it look like you idiot! She's leaving._

Her voice confirmed my darkest fear only a hint of a second later. "I'm leaving."

The calmness with which she spoke went straight to the bone, my body trembling with emotion as I gaped at her. "What?"

She moved past me, pushing the suitcase out of the way again as she went over to the bathroom. "I can't stay here tonight so….so I'm going to the other room."

_The other room._ The room at the end of the corridor we'd booked and claimed but never intended to use. The room that would make Jane believe our relationship was nothing more than strictly professional. "Why?' I breathed, my heart rate frantic as blind panic swallowed me whole. "We need to talk…I mean…_please_ stay."

I didn't realize I was holding her until she squirmed, my hands squeezing her shoulders too tight. "Please, Bella. Don't…don't leave."

"I need time to think." She was close to tears again, her eyes flittering nervously around her looking for a way out. "I need space…..I'll be just down the hallway and we'll talk tomorrow when we've both had time to cool off and think but now…I need some space."

I knew there was no point in trying to make her stay. She'd already made up her mind and, shy of locking her into the room or tying her to the bed, there was nothing I could say or do to convince her otherwise.

"Space," I muttered, wondering whether that wasn't just her own, friendly way of saying that she needed to think of the most polite way to tell me to shove off. Because I knew that was where we were headed.

I almost jumped when her soft hand folded around my cheek, her eyes swirling with pain, understanding and a love I didn't quite understand at a time like that. "I'll be back first thing tomorrow."

And just like that she was gone, the tearing sound as she closed the sipper on her suitcase and the click of the door as it fell into the lock lingering long after her as I stood there in the bathroom, gasping for air.

_She'd left. _

_She was leaving me….and this time I knew it would be for good. _

_I was sure of it. _

She may only be across the room right now, but come morning so would put herself so far out of my reach that there was no way for me to get her back again.

_My fault. _

_I did this. _

_I'd betrayed her. _

A mangled sound left my throat as I balled my first and slammed them against the mirror, my distorted image flashing back at me from a thousand little shards as my blood dripped into the sink; the small pain radiating from my hand only numbing the big, all-engulfing pain coursing through the rest of me by a margin.

_She's gone. _

I didn't know how long I stood there, replaying every event of the night over and over in my head, hoping against hope that it would lead to another outcome or – at the very least – something I could say or do to make this alright. To stop her from leaving. Because I knew, deep down inside, that that was what she was going to do. I knew that no woman, not even one as loving and forgiving as Bella had shown herself to be, could put up with the complete lack of respect I'd shown her.

Me, the man who'd called himself her lover; her boyfriend.

No, as I stood there under the harsh, halogen light, I knew she was only going to come to one conclusion. But there was something else I knew I couldn't wait around for that to happen.

I couldn't sit here, in this bloody room, all night waiting for her to make her decision when I already knew what the verdict was going to be.

_Guilty as charged._

Not that I was doubting that. I'd done a pretty lousy thing by her by not telling her about Tanya and the whole baby thing but…..I'd had the best intentions in mind. Why couldn't she see that?

Why couldn't she see just how hard this was on me, constantly trying to walk the line between my old life and the one I wanted to have with her, constantly scared that if she found out what was around the next bend she was going to decide it just wasn't worth it and run.

Run towards the lesser heartbreak, towards a man who could give her all the things I could not. Run further and further away from me.

I sighed, downing the last of the bottles. "Well I'll be damned if I'm going to sit around waiting for that to happen," I growled at no one in particular.

I knew what it was like to put all your hope of happiness and salvation in one person just to sit there and listen for her to sum up all the reasons she had for finding you wanting.

I couldn't do that again.

I couldn't go through that again.

"I won't." I cringed, a sharp pain shooting through my injured hand as I clenched it around the bottle.

I wasn't.

I wouldn't….I _couldn't_ handle it.

Not again.

I knew what I had to do.

I got up from the bed and crossed the room, my feet dragging every step of the way as I walked into the bathroom, the reflection in the mirror one of a coward…a liar. "I know what I have to do," I repeated at my reflection.

It would be easier.

On both of us.

It would be as if I'd never existed.

As if none of this had ever been real.

A dream.

A beautiful dream.

And now it was time to wake up again.

"I know what I have to do." My resolve grew every time I repeated myself, the cathartic movement of my arm swiping the stuff on the counter into my toiletries bag with one fell swoop emphasizing my new determination. I zipped it up, not stopping to think or doubt, before walking back into the room to drunk the thing into my bag and continuing the process until I had slowly and mechanically emptied the room of all the marks I'd made on it.

_It would be as if I never existed. _

I chuckled bitterly, my eyes falling over the desk that Bella and I had made love on the first time yesterday.

No more.

Never again.

All that was left were the memories of the taste of her skin of the feeling of her soft, warm body against mine; the look in her eyes first thing in the morning when they fell upon me or the way she bit her lips when she came around me; hot, fierce and passionate.

Past perfect.

Memories.

All that was left.

"Fuck!" I gasped, my good hand clenching around one of Bella's shirts, carelessly left behind when she ran from the room. My had trembled as I brought it to my nose her sweet, floral scent still clinging to it. My shoulders rose and fell with my sobs as I inhaled, knowing that this was the final thing that remained of her.

I'd fucked it up.

I'd done this to myself and now I just had to find a way to live with the memories.

I _had_ to do this.

"I have to do this." Driving on my new mantra I crammed the t-shirt into my bag with the rest of my stuff and yanked on the zipper until it closed, sealing the past away inside.

Another painful glance through the room and I was out, casting a sideways glance at the door across the corridor as I made my way outside and onto the street, walking robotically and with my eyes cast anywhere but at the hotel behind me until an empty cab picked me up.

"_Brunnenstrasse, bitte_," I spoke, my voice as defeated as I felt, as I slid into the backseat, knowing that even in my cowardice I had to look to my friends to help.

Failure. I was such a failure; as a lover, a friend…a human being. How could I have ever thought I'd be good enough for her?

I sat back, leaning against the worn down covers of the back seat with my eyes closed as the cab wove through town, taking me further and further away from her with every turn of the wheels.

It was better this way.

I had to believe that.

I had to hold on to that.

It was better this way.

"_Wir sind da_," the taxi driver announced, pulling up in front of the building I'd left not three hours ago. _Who would have guessed I'd be back so soon?_

I walked back into the building apprehensively, knowing this was going to get ugly no matter how much I managed to guild the lily. Tanya had always been able to spot bullshit from a mile away and this….Well, I'd be happy to walk away alive and with all limbs and appendages attached.

"Eddie!" Peter, looking a little worse for wear, greeted me as soon as he spotted me sneaking my way back into the building. "Back for more, I see?" He grinned a drunken grin, his hands tightening on the two women tucked into either side. "There's plenty to go around!"

Tool.

I shook my head, thankful for the music drowning out whatever he slurred after me as I made my way through the room, the room less crowded but the scenes in between the art panels decidedly more R-rated as I progressed to the back of the room where I could hear Tanya's tingling laughter rise up over the music.

"Edward?" Heidi was the first to spot me, lurking behind an abstract sculpture of a mounted cavalier. "What are you doing back here? Is something wrong?"

A cloud passed over Tanya's face as she watched me, her eyes, like always, zeroing in as they pierced right through my armor and laid bare the truth. "Edward?" There was a hint of fear to her voice, her eyes trained on me, as she spoke.

In fact, all eyes were trained upon me; watching, wondering.

"Can we talk?" I asked, licking my lips nervously. "Alone?"

Andrej leaned in, whispering something in her ear before Tanya turned back to me. "Sure. Follow me."

I could feel the stares following us as Tanya led me back through the main building before veering off to the left and opening a door to a small patio to the side of the building.

"I didn't even know this was here," I remarked, stepping onto the deck as I looked around me, my hands wedged into my pockets against the cold.

"Andrej only put it in last summer," Tanya dismissed. "Now tell me why you're here. Is Bella okay?"

"She's fine," I sighed, my voice monotone and defeated. _Just like I felt_. "Or at least she will be, in time."

"What the hell does that mean, Edward?" Tanya gasped, her eyes wide and worried as she looked at me. "Did you guys break up or something?"

"Or something," I shrugged, making use of the outside air to light a cigarette. Anything to calm the nerves, doubts and, of course, the pain.

"What happened?" she asked again, a little more insistent this time.

Another shrug. "What can I say? She wasn't happy, we fought, she left."

"Shit." Tanya's hands clasped over her mouth, tears dripping onto them. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I never meant for any of that to happen."

"It's not your fault," I sighed, breathing out smoke.

"You're right, it's not." There was an undertone of anger in Tanya's voice as she no doubt remembered what had come to pass earlier that night. "But that doesn't mean I wanted this outcome. What did she say?"

I took a drag from my smoke. "She said she wanted time to think, not that I don't know what that means."

"It may not come to that," Tanya tried, hope shimmering in her eyes.

"Oh, please," I chuckled darkly. "We both know it will….at least, if I _let_ it come to that."

She frowned, her voice hesitant as her eyes grew. _She knew. She knew what it meant, even if she didn't want to believe it yet._ "What are you saying?"

I sucked in a long breath through my nose, one cigarette discarded as my hands reached out for the next. "I'm leaving."

"No!" Tanya's answer came immediately and vehemently, the anger that had been swirling around in the background now coming to an acute and sudden explosion. "Have you gone completely mad? You can't do that, Edward. You can't do that to _her_!"

"There's no talking me out of it, Tan," I answered. "I've already made up my mind."

"If you're that dead set on leaving, then what the hell are you doing back here?" she asked, her eyes still glaring menacingly as she tried a different approach. "I'd think you'd be on your merry way by now."

"I need money." I hung my head, ashamed that I even had to be asking this. _Failure_.

"Of course," she laughed bitterly. "I have to admit, you have a lot of nerve asking me to enable this…this idiocy…this _suicide_."

"I'm going, whether you help me or not," I answered, as calm as I could, "even if I have to hitchhike my way back to Rome."

She studied me, watching my face for weaknesses or sign of crumbling but finding none. _My mind was set_. "I've got maybe a hundred," she sighed. "Heidi may have more."

I sighed, somehow managing to force my lips into a smile. "Thanks, Tanya."

"Don't thank me, you _klootzak_!" she snarled, her eyes spitting fire. "If you've got any sense left in that head of yours you'd use that money to buy that girlfriend of yours something that just might convince her to take you back and present it to her on your knees, begging for mercy."

I shook my head, my shoulders sagging as I looked at my feet. "I can't do that, Tan. I can't….I can't go back to her."

"Then don't bother calling me ever again." I looked up, surprised by the calm determination in Tanya's voice almost as much as I was by her words.

I sucked in a sharp breath. "What?"

Her shoulders were trembling with the exertion of keeping calm as she looked back at me, her hand rubbing her bump as she spoke. "I mean it, Edward. I've watched you do some pretty stupid things in your life and I've kept my mouth shut knowing that it was her influence that drove you into all of that. But _this_….."

She grabbed my shoulders, her eyes shining with tears. "You've finally found something good in your life; someone who may not have been the type you or me or anyone who knows you would have picked for your mate, but who turns out to be better for you than anyone else on this godforsaken planet."

I balled my hands into fists by my sides as Tanya's words cut through me like razorblades. "Tanya…._stop_." My resolve was crumbling, my mind desperately trying to grab the pieces and keep it together as she went on.

"Bella is good for you, Edward, don't you see that?" Her hands shook me as if trying to literally shake the sense back into me. "I may not know her as well as you do, but I know enough to know that she loves you with all your heart. Which is more than you may deserve, seeing the way you treated her."

"But that's it!" I cried out, slapping her hands away. "I'm not good enough for her, Tanya. I'll only take and take and take until her spirit is broken and she hasn't got any more to give."

"Like you did when you decided to leave her completely in the dark?" Tanya spat back, barely keeping her balance as she stumbled back. "What did you expect to achieve by doing that, Edward? Protect her? Keep her safe from harm?"

I blanched, knowing that as ever, Tanya had seen right through me.

"_Hemel beware me_!" she cried, raising her eyes to the heavens. "Are you really _that_ stupid?"

"If you're so smart then please enlighten me, Tanya," I growled back. "What should I have done to keep this from happening?"

"Jeez, I don't know. Be honest with her?" Tanya snarled back, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "It's just a guess but it might have worked. Women usually appreciate that kind of shit in their partner."

I sighed, all my anger leaving my body as I sagged back against the wall. She was right. Of course she was. I'd known it all along, even as far as back in the day when Bella and I had just met.

I should have been honest with her.

I should have told her.

She might have despised me and pushed me away but the wounds I would have cut into her heart wouldn't have been as deep as the ones I'd just left behind.

"It's too late now," I muttered, running a hands through my hair.

"That's where you're wrong, Edward," Tanya spoke, softly, as I felt her hand on my arm. "It's never too late to fight."

"Maybe not," I muttered. "But sometimes it's better not to. Sometimes it's better to walk away."

"Bullshit!" Tanya snapped. "That's just…._onzin_, Edward! You fucking know it is!"

"No it's not!" I yelled back. "How can you even think it's like that! Like this….like it's easy for me to walk away from the only good thing that has ever happened to me in the past couple of years; the only chance I may ever have at finding love."

"Then _don't_!" she cried, the whites in her eyes flaring as they blazed back at me.

"I can't," I growled. "I can't walk back into that hotel knowing that come morning she's going to tell me she's done with me. I can't-"

"But what if she's not?" Tanya huffed. "What if she just needed time to cool off and think things over?"

I shook my head. "It's not like that….not this time. She's done with me, Tanya, I could see it in her eyes."

"So this happened before?" Tanya crossed her arms in front of her chest. "She found out stuff you kept from her before?" She waited for me to nod before she went on. "And yet you still thought that leaving her out of the loop on the baby situation was a good idea?"

She shook her head, her lips curling up into a mocking, angry sneer. "You're as big an idiot as ever I've seen one!"

I growled out loud, kicking the small, iron barbecue across the deck. "I thought she was going to leave me if I told her….I thought it would be too much!"

"And this isn't?" Tanya countered.

"I never thought-" I pulled my hair, dropping to my knees from sheer exhaustion and powerlessness.

"You _never_ think," Tanya accused me. "If you did, you might have realized that when a woman is in love – _truly_ in love – there isn't an obstacle she can't overcome, except for dishonesty."

"It's too late now," I shrugged, my heart breaking all over again when I spoke those words of finality. "What's done is done and there's no way I can take it all back. It's better this way and-"

I couldn't get any air, the combined weight of what was in the past and in the present weighing down on me like a huge chunk of lead. "I have to go now…..the last train leaves-"

"So you're really going to do this?" Tanya sighed, pursing her lips to keep herself from lashing out or crying or whatever the hell she wanted to do.

"I have to," I repeated, trying to convince myself as much as I was trying to convince her.

"Go to hell, Edward," she spat, drawing her eyes away from me as if even the sight of me disgusted her. _I knew how she felt._ "If you do this, if you walk away right now…."

She swallowed, the strain of tying not to cry audible in her voice as she went on. "Don't call me, don't e-mail me. I'm done with you. I'm _done_."

I nodded, trying not to cringe as she pulled away when I tried to kiss her cheek. "Take care of yourself, Tanya," I spoke, turning my back on her. "I wish you the very best with Heidi and with….with the baby."

She didn't speak but from the muffled sobs I knew she'd heard me. I didn't want to look, taking a few hard steps in the direction of the door, the cold of the February night only now catching up with me.

But I knew there was one more thing; one more burden I had to saddle her with. "If I can ask one more thing-" I halted right in front of the door, keeping my back to her.

"I'll take care of her," Tanya spoke, her voice laced with venom. "I'll pick up your mess, just like I always do….did. Just….just go."

Heidi was leaning against the doorframe with tears in her eyes, her arm wrapping around me as she somehow managed to plaster a sad smile onto her face. "I'll take you to the station."

I didn't look at her, afraid that if I did I was going to completely fall apart. "Thanks," I muttered, following the white tips of my All Stars as they crossed the shining hardwood floors, relying on her to steer me in the right direction.

"Give it time, Edward," Heidi muttered, crawling behind the wheel of her Beetle. "Tanya will come round in time. She always has."

"Not this time." I knew it was the truth. "I've gone too far this time and….and I don't even think I deserve it."

"Then why not stay?" Heidi took her eyes off the road for a split second to look at me.

I shook my head. "I can't."

"I don't pretend to understand you, because I don't," Heidi spoke, steering deftly through the empty streets, "but I'm not ready to cut you out of my life like Tanya did, either. Just promise me one thing."

"What?" I looked at her, her face all concentration as she drove, the car getting closer and closer to _Berlin Hauptbahnhof_ .

"Don't do anything stupid." Her eyes were on the road as she spoke. "Don't go back to the old days."

"I won't." I folded my hand over hers where it rested on the gear shift, squeezing slightly. "I promise." It was an easy promise to make. If there was anything I'd take from the ruins I was leaving behind in Berlin, it was the little peek into that other world my relationship with Bella had given me. I knew now that I wanted that. I wanted _normalcy_. Too bad that the person I wanted that with was gone from my life now.

Heidi surprised me by going into the station with me, her easy chatter keeping me company as we bought a ticket for the last international train to Rome and waited for it to arrive.

"Last chance to change your mind," she joked, though she'd made her thoughts very clear.

"Thanks, Heidi," I sighed, pulling her into a final hug before stepping into the train. "Take care of my girls for me?"

She nodded, tears rolling down her cheeks as she released me. "As long as you take care of yourself."

And then it was over.

**oOo**

I arrived in Rome sometime the next day, my eyes bloodshot and my head pounding with guilt and loss of sleep as I stepped out of _Roma Termini_ station and into the weak February sun.

I hated myself.

Bella's face, torn with anger, betrayal and disappointment had kept haunting on me every minute of my journey. As night had changed into day, the minutes slowly ticking by on the clock, I knew that Bella must have found out I'd left, the empty room giving it away probably even before she found the letter I'd left her or before Tanya could get to her.

I closed my eyes, my body sagging against the worn seat of the buss to _Trastevere_. _If only I knew she'd be alright. _

_If only…_

No. I'd made the right choice. It had been the mantra that had kept me going for all those hours and all those miles that had taken me further and further away from her. And even if I didn't, by now it wouldn't make any difference. When Bella would found out what I'd done, she'd probably hate me forever.

I snorted bitterly, the ancient ruins of the Roman Empire to my left not having the effect they usually had on me. _She was better off hating me anyway. _

Liam and Gianna were just on their way out when I got back to the apartment, their faces betraying their shock as I trudged in, probably looking like death warmed up.

"Are you okay, mate?' Liam asked as Gianna stealthily slipped out to give us space.

"I will be," I muttered. Once I'd downed that bottle of vodka I'd stashed in my fridge right before I left, I was sure everything was going to be looking up again.

"Look," Liam fidgeted, "about the room….Have you found a new place yet? Because if you haven't, you know me and Ginny…" He scratched the back of his head, squirming embarrassedly, " we aren't just going to toss you out on the streets at the end of the month. You know that, right?"

I nodded. "It won't be a problem."

"So you found something?" It didn't escape my notice how relieved he sounded. _Son of a bitch!_

"Yeah," I lied, my feelings completely numb to anything other than the pain of what I'd done. "I'll be out in a couple of days."

"That's great man!" Liam looked torn as Gianna called his name from outside.

"Go," I urged him. "I'll drop by before I leave." I didn't want him hovering all over my shit when I planned on drinking myself into oblivion. _No, that shit was always best done on your own. _

He grinned, patting me on the back. "See you around, then."

I nodded, taking a deep breath in before I opened the door to my room, the image of Bella assaulting me from every angle making me have to lean against the door as sharp pains wracked my chest.

I knew it then: I'd made the biggest mistake in my life.

But there was no going back.

Not anymore.

Not after what I did.

Anger welled up inside me, causing me to lash out at everything within range until just about everything in the room was all smashed to pieces.

Just like me.

I looked around me, my hands stinging and my chest burning from lack of oxygen as I let my eyes travel across my now newly mangled room, the memories of having her there, sitting on my sofa, staring out of the window, her presence everywhere on my walls, making me feel even more like a loser than I already felt.

I'd lost.

By my own fault.

I'd lost her.

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_**Don't hate me.**_

_**I've contributed a oneshot called Carnevale to the Fandom4Texas fundraiser to help those affected by the horrible wildfires. For information on how to donate and receive the compilation go to the website texasfires(dot)ysar(dot)info**_

_**Thanks so much for reading. As always, reviewers will get teased. **_


	29. The City that Never Sleeps pt7

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Jadsmama deserves my undying love and gratitude for putting up with my choppy and ridiculously long sentences and making them pretty. Love ya!**_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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**Chapter 26 – The City that Never Sleeps**

_**Because it's suffering from a broken heart.**_

_**Friday, 4 AM**_

"Bella!" Alice's arms were around me the minute I stumbled out of the arrivals terminal, my body shaking with dry sobs as I rested my head on her shoulder.

Home.

There were no words to describe how happy I was to be back on American soil. The last couple of days…they'd been hell, at least the parts of them that I could remember that was. The rest, it was all a blurry string of every bad nightmare I'd ever had coming to life.

When I left the room that night after my fight with Edward I needed time and space to clear my head. The stuff Tanya had unwittingly revealed to me during our chat had given me enough to think about on its own but it was peanuts compared to the utter devastation I felt when I realized that Edward had kept all of that from me. He may have had his reasons for doing so and, keeping his own history in mind, I could even _understand_ why he'd done it but the fact that he'd broken his promise to me and didn't even seem to grasp how big an issue that was to me.

If only I'd known. If only I'd realized that where I needed space, he needed reassurance of the fact that there was still a future for us in spite of all the hurdles he'd thrown in our way, I never would have left.

I thought that taking a few hours to cool off, get some rest and (hopefully) gain some perspective would do us both good. We were both tired and worn and the events of the night had rattled us to the bone. If we'd have kept going like we had been it would probably have ended in me giving in even I didn't want to or saying something I was going to regret later on. I was doing the good thing; the rational thing. Or so I'd thought.

When I walked into the other room the next morning, the emptiness struck me like a freight train.

He left me.

Somewhere the previous night he must have concluded that this was the end and that all was left for him to claim was the ability to be the first one to pull the plug. The realization, as I stared at the empty surfaces that had only yesterday held his toothbrush, his razor and all of the other things that let me know he was there, had made me collapse like a deflated balloon, tears streaming down my face as slowly but surely my mind started to accept the truth that was so blatantly staring me in the face.

He'd gone away.

It was hours later when Tanya and Heidi found me on the bed, almost catatonic after an earlier outburst of anger and grief and took me under their wing. I owed them. Big time.

Not only had they made sure I was okay, something the man who claimed to have loved me failed to do, they also managed to drag me back out onto the streets and show me their city, forcing me to do my job and take my mind off of Edward for most of the day. Somehow their efforts had managed to pull me out of my despair and into a sort of numbness that at least allowed me to function. I liked it, this emotionless stupor I was in, because it kept the worst of the pain at bay.

"I have to make a phone call." My voice sounded distant, like it was coming from another room, as I dug around my purse in search of my phone. "I have to call Tanya and let her know…."

"I already took care of that." Alice's hands folded around mine just in time to catch the shaking phone before it would fall straight into an undefined, nasty looking brown smear on the carpet of the backseat of the taxi we were in.

_Huh? Since when had we been on the road?_

"You called-"

"Tanya?" Alice asked, smiling sweetly even though I could see the worry in her eyes. "Yes. As soon as we made it onto the freeway."

I wished there was something I could do to reassure her that this emotionless robot she was sitting next to wouldn't be around indefinitely but for now all I could do was settle for a mechanic. "Oh."

"She's back in Amsterdam," Alice went on. "She was happy to know you made it home safe and asks you to contact her when you're feeling better again."

"Oh," I repeated myself. "Has she-"

"Nothing." Alice's voice was clipped and short, mercifully interrupting me before I had to speak his name. "Not that I think she's been looking for him."

"Oh." I looked out the window, noting that we were already back in Brooklyn. _Almost home._

Buildings flew by in a blur, my eyes too tired to turn them into focus until finally the cab came to a halt in front of our building, strong arms supporting me as we made our way up to the apartment.

And finally I was home. I sighed, my throat closing as tears started to drip from my eyes again, as my head hit the pillow, my body cocooned by the most comforting smell in the world: safety.

**oOo**

_**Friday, 10 PM**_

"He left me a note." My voice sounded hoarse from a lack of talking and an abundance of crying as I spoke, the force of it barely registering above the blaring of the television in front of us.

Alice had dragged me out of the bed a couple of hours ago in the hopes some food, a lot of booze and an evening filled with _Titanic_ would move the 'healing process' further ahead than me wallowing underneath a duvet and a stack of pillows. I wished I could share her faith in me.

Over the last couple of days I'd slowly but surely morphed back into something resembling the old me. True, I was still part robot and scaring the hell out of Alice half the time, but at least the pain had now ebbed away to a point where I could also be part functioning-human-being again.

"Huh?" Alice looked up, Leonardo DiCaprio and the sinking Titanic momentarily forgotten. _I never knew a ship could take that fucking long to sink, especially with a big, fat hole in its side. _

"When he left?" I tried again. "He left a note. On the bed." What I conveniently left out was that I'd only found it after I'd buried myself in the wadded up covers, trying to cling to his lingering scent as panic and despair rapidly started to engulf me. _Sad. Yes, I knew._

"The fucker left you a note?" Alice cried, jumping up from the sofa in a fit of rage. "What an asshole!"

"What did it say?" Jasper, who'd until now had been consciously absent in the conversation, hovering inconspicuously in the background in case Alice needed him to schlep me back to my bedroom when I collapsed into a simpering puddle of heartbreak. Again.

I was ashamed to say that it had been quite a regular occurrence these days, as my brain tried to find the perfect balance between robot and 'real girl' and as much as Jasper never complained and appeared to be happy to be spending this much extra time with his girl, I had to admit I was starting to feel sorry for the guy. There were only so many chick flicks a guy could sit through before his brain would explode from 'romantic girly overload'.

"Here," I dug into my bra, pulling the carefully folded sheet of paper out and handing it to my cousin. _Yes, I kept it in my bra because that way it formed a sort of shield around my heart, reminding it that it should be angry, not broken._ "Read it. It's okay."

If Alice noticed the hiding place of the letter, she didn't comment on it, her eyes widening as if she'd just found the fucking _'Heart of the Ocean'_ or something.

I closed my eyes, not needing the paper to see the letters in front of me. Over the last couple of days I'd read that damned letter so often I knew it by heart, the meaning of its words unchangeable no matter how long I tried to analyze them.

_I know you will hate me for what I am about to do but please understand that I cannot stay here. I know that what I did was unforgivable and I will not offend you by asking for forgiveness but please know that I'm sorry for what I did. Very sorry. It won't do me any good, since you told me yourself that I'd gone too far but I did want you to know._

_I will not bother you again, you can rest assured of that. By the time you read this, I will be long gone. I've asked Jane to relieve you of my company and I'm sure she will come up with a replacement more suitable to the task than I could ever be._

_I ask you not to search for me or try to contact me in any way. Believe me, it may not seem like it right now but in the end it will be the best thing for both of us. Try as I might, I can never be the man you deserve so it's better to part ways now before I hurt you even more than I did last night._

_Be happy, live your life and explore that amazing talent that you have and that is waiting to burst out into its full potential. I know you have it in you to do great things, Bella, as long as you believe in yourself and don't let anyone hold you back._

_Farewell. I hope that in time it will be as if I never existed._

_Edward._

Tears were streaming down my face as slowly the erratic handwriting and hastily scribbled words started to dissolve in front of my mind's eye, their meaning still hurting even after days of trying to digest the fact that Edward – my lover, my love – had simply walked out on me.

Just like that. He'd taken off in the middle of the night without even caring enough to look back.

Like I was some kind of dead weight he couldn't wait to get rid of; fled away like a coward because he couldn't handle the thought that maybe his actions had hurt me so deeply that I couldn't see a way out…..a way we could ever make it through this.

He'd been mistaken.

When I'd stepped into our room that morning, I'd been ready to work through it. Yes, he'd hurt me and yes, I had some very choice words to say to him but I did believe we could move past everything that had happened in the last couple of hours. I thought we were strong enough to do that.

_If only I'd have known in advance how wrong I'd been to think that._ Anger started to well up inside of me when I recalled the feeling, the realization that the room was empty; that Edward had left.

Apparently, Alice was drawing from the same book. "If I ever see that guy again….."she was so angry her whole frame was shaking, her hands crumbling the paper into a tiny, wrinkly wad. "….I'm going to kick his balls so far back into his body he'll be gaining a new set of tonsils."

_Wow_. Even in my current state that was…..wow.

Jasper must have thought the same thing because I caught him stealthily crossing his legs to protect the jewels as he swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he stared at his beloved with no small amount of fear.

"And you're going to let me, Bella," Alice warned her narrowed eyes shooting daggers as she looked at me.

_Like there was anything I could do to stop her, even if I wanted to. Which, I had to admit, I wasn't altogether so sure of. _"Hey!" I hastened to defend myself. "The guy's an asshole for leaving me like that. You get no argument from me. It's just…."

And just like that, rage gave way to devastation again, my shoulders sagging as the memory of the good times – every kiss, every touch, every caress – washed over me and I realized how much I was going to miss him; how much I missed him already. Yes, it was easy to give Alice cart blanche in doing whatever the hell she wanted since that damned letter had made it pretty clear to me that neither she or I would ever see him again. He was gone for good.

I cried, my tears being lend a more legitimate air when behind us, on the screen, Leonardo froze into a 'pretty boy' popsicle in the water and Rose (who, by the way, just promised to never let him go) claimed her freedom by yanking her hand out of his grasp and let him sink to the bottom.

I cried until in the end Jasper carried my limp body back to the safety of my bed where I drifted into an uneasy, alcohol clouded sleep in the hope that, just as dad always used to say, everything would look better in the morning.

**oOo**

_**Saturday, 2 AM**_

I_ giggled, the tip of the feather tickling my skin as he dragged it along my throat, my breath coming in gasps as it drifted lower and lower, a feathery touch to my hardened nipples as Edward grinned mischievously at me. "Ticklish are we, Miss Swan?" _

_I could feel my blush pinking my cheeks, heat radiating from every pore as the feather drifted lower still, my hips moving of their own volition in an attempt to make him pick up speed. _

_He chuckled, a small whimper leaving my lips as he tossed the feather to the side. "Impatient?" _

_I looked up at him, my fingers running along his strong jaw before closing around his neck, pulling him towards me. "Always." _

_His lips against mine were utter bliss, soft and yielding yet strong and commanding as his hands settled on my ass, pulling me into him and making our bodies align almost as if it were a second nature. _

"_I love you, Isabella Swan," he crooned, his voice in my ear as his hard flesh pressed into me. "I will never hurt you, ever again." _

"_I love you too, Edward," I gasped, a tear rolled over my cheek, my whole body singing with the joy of having him inside me again. "I trust you." _

_There was a smile on his face that didn't correspond with his actions. It was malicious, almost as if there had been something in my words that made him triumph over me. It gave me the creeps._

_My body jolted upright when suddenly a door slammed open. "I told you she'd do it!" Mike marched in, looking as triumphant as he walked up to the bed, bumping his fists with an equally smug looking Edward. "I told you she'd take you back!" _

"_W-what's going on?" I stammered, scrambling to cover myself with the suddenly too small sheet as Mike and Edward watched….watched and laughed. "Edward?" _

"_Bella," she snickered, shaking his head in mock disbelief. "You really are too trusting for your own good!" _

I shocked awake, my body cold and wet with perspiration as I scrambled to make it to the bathroom on time to deposit the meager remains of everything I'd forced myself to eat that evening, the cold stone tiles feeling almost mercifully painful against my body as I slumped against them, crying until my tears ran dry.

_Why did this have to happen to me? What had I done to deserve it? _

"Shhhhh, Bella." Soft arms wrapped around me, brushing the tears away and warming me. "I'm here, sweetie. I'm here."

"Why couldn't he just…." I sobbed, basking in the warmth of her embrace. "Why wasn't my love enough for him?"

"He's not worth it, Bella!" Alice's voice sounded fierce as she rubbed my back, letting me cry on her shoulders. "Don't waste your tears on that useless waste of space!"

I wished it were that simple. I wished I could just come to the same conclusion as she did and forget about him.

Move on. Just as he seemed to have been doing that night.

Stronger arms lifted me off the cold floor, my body falling listlessly in whatever shape the arms molded me as compassionate as worried voices filled the air. _Jasper_.

I tried to focus on what they were saying but my mind was too foggy to focus on any words, my body slowly seeping into a blissful state of unawareness as toasty warmth enveloped me like a cocoon.

_Yes, this was what I wanted. To forget._

_To forget everything; Edward, the pain my work, the world…everything.. _

**oOo**

_**Saturday, 9:30 AM**_

"Up!" I shrieked, almost banging my head on the hardwood headboard as Rose marched into my room, all kick-assness and not taking prisoners as she headed over to the windows and yanked the curtains aside. "Fucking hell, Swan! It smells like a fucking sewer in here! What in God's name have you been doing?"

I sat up, scratching my head as I blinked against the sudden influx of light. "Hey, Rose." My voice sounded hoarse and raspy, like I'd been smoking at least two packets a day since I was fourteen. Or, closer to the truth, crying like a little bitch for hours on end.

"I'll tell you what you have been doing." Rose's eyes zoned in on me, her finger pointing towards me almost accusingly as she marched in my direction. "You, Bella Swan, have been wallowing."

I frowned, not quite understanding what was so horrible about that to warrant such a reaction. "Err….yeah?" I mean, I'd just been dumped by my boyfriend in one of the most cruel ways known to man. Wallowing seemed like a pretty damn good idea to me.

"Why are you letting him take the glory from the battlefield when you could be out there, looking fabulous and getting over him with dozens of hot guys!"

_Battlefield? What the fuck? Who was she trying to be? The General Patton of heartbreak?_

I swallowed, nausea taking over again at even the thought of what Rose was suggesting. "Because I'm not like that?"

"Well," Rose glared, her hands on her hip, "have you ever wondered if maybe you should be?"

"No?" I replied honestly. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. Maybe that was because I'd been so busy wallowing and clinging to my robotic self to even think about anything else.

"Humph!" Rose huffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she glared at me. "Just figures!"

"Sorry." I bunched up my sheets and pillows around me as if to built some sort of fortress as I tried to find out what the hell I was apologizing for.

"Get your ass out of that bed, Swan!" Rosalie ordered, my body promptly obeying. _Wow. I never knew I could move this fast without even thinking._ "If I'm not going to get you laid, then at least I'm going to get some food into you. Even if it kills me."

_Right._ I figured it would be futile to resist as I trudged after her into the living room. It was best just to let her do her worst in the hope that in the end she;d let me get back to my bed and my numbness. "Where's Alice?"

"She had to run some errands," Rose answered, pulling the covers off an elaborate – far too elaborate – store bought breakfast. "She asked me to take care of you."

"Great!" I croaked, dutifully opening my mouth as Rose, with a motherly care that amazed me even in the state I was in, started to shove breakfast through my throat like I was a fucking Christmas goose.

I was already missing the safety and security of my bed.

**oOo**

_**Saturday, 2 PM**_

"Bella?" I looked up from behind 'mount wallow', the carefully constructed fortress of blankets and pillows I'd fabricated after Rose left, my chest releasing a sigh of relief when my eyes confirmed that it was my cousin and not scary-Amazon-I'll-make-a-ho-out-of-you-if-it-kills-me Rose.

"Yeah?" _Ooh, my voice was starting to sound like my voice again! That was progress, right?_

I'd gone straight back to bed the moment Rose had satisfied herself that I wasn't going to die of famine (she'd seen to that alright!) and there weren't any sharp objects within range of my cushy little fortress, sleep claiming me almost as soon as my head hit the mattress again.

"Uhm…I don't know if you noticed…or if you even care…" Alice fidgeted, her words interrupted by much lip biting and awkward fumbling with the sleeves of her sweater, "but it's Saturday and the ball and…and I kind of promised Jane I'd get you there."

The room didn't spin as much as I expected when I sat up, fumbling around the rat's nest on top of my head. "You promised Jane…_what_?"

"Well, promised not so much as that she threatened me with loss-of-limb if I didn't get you out to the Children's cancer Benefit looking like your usual radiant self," Alice explained, biting her lip and looking all kinds of apologetic.

_Ah, right. The Children's Cancer Benefit. Forgot about that. Shit. _"Oh." I scratched the back of my head, trying to think of a good excuse to get me out of this but, unfortunately, drawing a complete blank. _Shit_.

"Now, I'd so let her rip of an arm or two, you know I would," Alice hurried to add. "But-"

I sighed, interrupting Alice's nervous ramblings. "It's okay, Alice." There were few places in the world I looked less forward to going than the benefit but I knew how much was riding on this night. For Jane. For Alice. For me. It were those thought that finally made me swallow my panic at having to go out into the open, where everyone could see my pain and croak out a fast, "I'll go."

**oOo**

_**Saturday, 5 PM**_

"I think this is about as good as it's gonna get," Alice sighed, stepping away from her handiwork as she gave me a final once over.

"Jeez! Thanks Ally!" I snorted. "That makes me feel so much better." I knew my face was still pale and puffy from crying and my skin pale and grayish from being buried in the protection of Mount Duvet for days but somehow Alice had managed to turn me into some sort of 'normal' human being again, my face caked in so much makeup I barely even recognized myself. _And maybe that was for the better. _

"Hush, Swan!"Alice scolded me, twirling around the chair with a mirror in her hands to allow me to admire her handiwork. "You know you're pretty!"

I sighed, pursing my lips. "Yeah, because wallowing in self-pity for twenty-four hours is such a good look on a woman!"

Alice put the mirror away, placing her hands on my shoulders as she stood behind me, our eyes linked through the vanity mirror. "We'll get you through this, Bella."

Folding one of my hands over one of hers I forced my lips into a smile. "I know, Ally, and you know I love you for it, right? Even more than I already did." And I did, because as much as I hated the whole poking and prodding of Alice and her 'extreme makeovers', this time it had been just the thing I needed to make me feel human again.

"I know." She leaned in, kissing the top of my head. "Do me a favor?"

"What?" I asked wearily. Experience had taught me that most of the times doing her a favor would land me in the most uncomfortable situations in my life.

"Try to have some fun?" She smiled, placing her hand delicately on my shoulder. "I know you probably don't feel like it but will you try? For me?"

"I'll do everything for you, you know that!" I chuckled, patting the hand still on my shoulder. _I would try, for her, even though the chances of success were slim to none._ "Even if it's just to say 'thank you' for making me look presentable."

Alice's mouth opened in mock horror! "I beg your pardon! I did a whole lot more than make you look presentable! You look damn hot, if I may say so."

I chuckled, feeling almost as shocked at the sensation as Alice seemed to be. _I was actually smiling. Who would have thought?_ "Now you're talking!"

"Seriously!" she went on. "I'd do you myself if I swung that way and if I weren't as squicked out by the thought of getting up close and personal with a first cousin. In fact-"

"Okay! Okay! I get it!" I shrieked, holding my hands up in surrender. "I look hot! Now can we please get back to a topic that won't make me hurl?"

"I'm glad we agree," Alice snickered, looking mightily smug. "Now do you need help getting into your dress or are you fine on your own for a while?"

I rolled my eyes. "I've been known for my remarkable ability to dress myself ever since the age of four. I'm sure I'll manage on my own."

"Good." Alice nodded. "I'll be just across the hall getting ready."

Glancing at the clock I realized she only had about thirty minutes to get ready before jasper would arrive to pick her up. She was cutting it close. _Because of me._

"Thanks, Ally." She turned in the doorway, catching my eyes through the mirror again. "Do you need any help?"

"Nah," she grinned. "You know me. A simple comb through my hair and a bit of lip gloss and I'll be ready to turn every set of eyes in the room."

I smiled, shaking my head as the soft click of the closing door left me on my own again, my eyes falling on the beautiful petrol green dress hanging from my closet door.

_Green_. It was remarkable how fast a girl could grow to hate a color almost as much as she loved it.

"Well, at least it's not emerald," I sighed out loud, knowing how hard Alice had searched to find the perfect dress for me from amongst the many beautiful but horribly overpriced designer dresses tucked away in the _Epicenter_ closet.

And she _had_ found the perfect dress. Well, perfect for me.

I'd never asked her how much it cost but as I stepped into it, the softness of the fabric and the exquisite detail of the lace that trimmed the neckline and the wide, short cap sleeves I knew it must have been expensive.

Still, cost aside, it was the kind of dress I'd pick for an event such as the one I'd be attending that night. It was elegant and chic but with a slightly laidback, almost old-world twist. I cringed, my mind almost automatically forming the word 'bohemian' in my mind. _At least tonight would come with enough diversions to keep my mind off him. _

I quickly finished getting dressed and made it out of the room right on time to open the door for Jasper, my ears still getting used to the feeling of the heavy, borrowed earrings that Alice had foisted upon me because they matched the dress. _Yeah, I wonder if she still thinks that when my earlobes stretch all the way to the floor because of the damn weight attached to them! _

"My, Miss Swan," Jasper hummed, looking all suave Southern gentleman in his suit. "You do look mighty fine this evening, if I may say so."

I arched one brow, staring back at him. "Good evening Jasper. Does Alice know you're flirting with other women?"

"He only does it with the ones he knows won't flirt back."Both our heads turned to find Alice leaning seductively against the doorway, "That is, if he knows what's good for him."

I stepped to the side, the looks in both their eyes making it wholly unnecessary for me to do anything but make myself scarce, a sharp flash of jealousy tearing through my heart when I realized how much I was going to miss seeing that look on Edward. _I was going to miss that look. I already did. _

"So cowboy?" I asked, trying my damndest to make my voice seem coy instead of desperate for something to divert my attention with. "Are you going to stand there all night, letting the heat drift out of our home, or are you going to come in like a proper gentleman and woo the hell out of my cousin?"

He grinned, playing along. "Just picking the little lady up for dinner, ma'am."

"In that case," I shrugged, letting go of the door, "you'd better get a move on or you'll have to settle for a drive-through at Mickey D's."

Jasper laughed, his free, deep guffaws a welcome change to the heavy atmosphere in the apartment as Alice slowly started to dance towards him, her dress clinging to her perfect body and her neckline so low I was amazed her boobs weren't trying to make a dash for freedom.

"Jasper, honey, you know I love you, right?" Alice spoke, batting her lashes as her boyfriend.

"Of course I do, darlin'," Jasper chuckled, kissing the top of her head.

"Good man," Alice grinned, running her thumb over the back of his hand. "However…if you ever call me your 'little lady' again, I'll kick you where it hurts, got that?"

Jasper cringed, one hand moving protectively over his junk. "Loud and clear."

"Good." She gave him another one of her sharp smiles before turning her attention back to me. "Now, Bella, are you sure you'll be okay to wait her on your own? I mean, Jasper could always call the restaurant and ask if they add another plate to the table-"

"No!" I insisted, a little more vehemently than I intended. The thought alone of sitting between those two like some sort of sad, wilted spinster of a third wheel made me want to crawl back into my hideyhole and forget the rest of the world existed. _And it wasn't as if I hadn't done plenty that in the last….ooh, forty-eight hours._

"Seriously, Ally." I took a breath, somehow managing to plaster a weak smile on my face along the way. "I'll be fine. Jacob will be here in a couple of minutes and I'm sure we'll be able to pass the time before the limo gets here."

"Very well," Alice sighed, pulling me into a big, perfumey hug. "But please know that we're only a phone call away if you need us. Seriously, we'll come running."

"Yes, mom!" I sighed, rolling my eyes as I let my body go all floppy and boneless in her arms, knowing I wouldn't call that number even if the apartment was set on fire and Hannibal Lecter himself was running after me, knives blazing, to turn me into a late-afternoon snack.

This was her big night. She'd been looking forward to it all year, even when she thought she'd be dateless and I'd be waiting for her at the apartment underneath a thick duvet and layers of ratty sweats.

And now…now it was even better. She got to share it with the man of her dreams and her awkward and very reluctant cousin and best friend. I'd never stand in the way of that, especially not after everything she'd done for me over the last couple of days. She deserved her chance to shine.

"Now go!" I urged her, pushing her back as I stepped out of our hug. "Have fun, you two! I'll see you later!"

**oOo**

_**Saturday 8.30 PM**_

"Ready to be thrown in front of the lions?" Jacob – or Jake, as he'd told me his friends called him – nudged his head in the direction of the scene unfolding on the other side of the window.

I swallowed hard, the flashing lights of too many camera's and the people parading in front of them in clothes that cost more money than I'd ever see in my life adding to the sense of dread that hung over this night.

This wasn't me. I wasn't made for events like these. Hell, I didn't even know how to act!

"Calm down, Bells!" Jake chuckled, patting my clammy hand over the rear console. "They're not actually going to eat you." For someone who'd been forced by our boss to take me out, Jake was turning into the best date-slash-possible-new-friend I could have wished for, his sunny personality making me forget my misery for a few moments and just bask in the warmth of his company.

"I know that!" I muttered, though with both Aro Volturi and Jane Livingstone roaming the building, I wasn't actually that sure about it.

"Relax!" Apparently my nerves formed a never-ending source of entertainment for my companion as he kept on laughing. "Just stick with me and I'll make sure you'll get through this."

I sighed, looking into his friendly brown eyes. "Thanks, Jake."

"My pleasure." His grin widened. "You know, this whole 'dating women' thing isn't as hard as I thought it would be."

I snorted. "Well, maybe I'm just going easy on you!"

"Yeah," he chuckled. "Maybe it's that."

"So," I drawled, stretching the 'o' until I was almost blue in the face. "Do you want to get out there?" I nudged my head in the direction of the red carpet, the faint sounds of paparazzi screaming bloody murder in their attempts to get the best pictures and the flash of camera's assaulting my senses. _Why oh why did I ever leave the safety of my bed? _

"Not really," he grinned, "but we can't keep hiding in here, can we?"

"Nope." There was nothing in the world I wanted to do more than sit in that car for the rest of the night if it meant that I didn't have to go out there. But I knew I had to.

"Let's just do this," I sighed, balling my hands into fists as I took a deep breath, remembering that the people out there – though equipped with a whole different set of norms and values – were still people after all. Or, as dad used to say: no matter how much money they had in the bank, even they farted in the bed when they thought no one would notice.

_Yuck._

"That's my girl." There seemed to be nothing that could shake Jake's grin, not even the flashing of the camera's as he got out of the swanky limo Jane had arranged to pick us up.

His hand stretched out towards me as I scooted across the seat, mindful of everything Alice had taught me about keeping my legs together (even though I was wearing a full length skirt) as I scrambled out of the car.

_Step one: complete. _

Blinking against the sudden light I felt like a deer caught in headlights, the slight pull on my arm as Jacob steered us in the right direction being the only remembrance to keep moving, even though my blinded eyes couldn't even make out where we were going. _How the hell did all those Hollywood stars manage to do this shit all the time and not walk into lampposts or other obstacles in their way? _

"What are you wearing?" One of the paparazzi shouted, my brain only kicking in a moment later when I realize the was asking me.

Again, Alice's careful 'media training' saved the day and prevented me from saying something lame like 'clothes' or 'a dress' , my mouth instead mechanically uttering the name of the designers who'd crafted my dress and shoes as the people around us kept shouting directions and yelling questions like a fashion-minded firing squad.

It felt odd; their questions so demanding and compelling…almost like a violation.

"Just smile and wave," Jake whispered, tightening his arm around me as he kept on slowly pushing me in the direction of the remarkably small entryway for a building as grand and overwhelmingly imposing as _Gotham Hall_.

_Okay. Smile and wave. I could do that, right? _My hands were grabbing the back of Jake's smoking jacket so tight I could feel the fabric spanning around his broad shoulders as I did what he told me, all the while trying to think as little as possible and smile and answer questions as best as I could.

"Okay, so we've got that out of the way." Jacob sounded as relieved as I was as we finally made it past the front doors and into the lobby. "Now what do we do? Get hammered or dance?"

"No dancing!" I squeaked, the thought of getting out there in the middle of all those people making me want to crawl into a bathroom cubicle and spend the rest of the night in there, listening to people I didn't know gossiping about other people I didn't know. "Shouldn't we find Jane?"

Jake smirked. "Eventually, I guess."

"What? Not a big fan of my boss?" I snickered.

"I think it's more the other way around at the moment," Jacob shrugged. "Jane wasn't exactly taken with my latest work and…._oh fuck_!"

"What?" I frowned, following Jake's gaze as a man who'd probably be called dashing in the gossip columns strode in with a leggy blonde model type in a dress that seemed to be made with about half the fabric that should usually go into a dress. _Dear God she must have frozen to death on that red carpet!_

Wait a minute….I remembered that face. "Isn't that Alec Volturi?"

Jacob nodded, his face as pale and his eyes narrowed as he looked at Alec and his date. "He said he'd be in Aspen….."

"Hey." I pulled on his arm, forcing him to take a couple of steps backwards, into a quiet, under lit corner as in front of us Alec and the leggy blonde marched into the main room as if they owned the place (which he kinda did for the night) surrounded by a throng of people who, by the looks of it, were trying to brownnose their way into his good books. "What's going on, Jake?"

Now that Alec was out of view, I could see Jacob slowly starting to come round again. "We erm….." he fumbled, his eyes fixed to the plush carpet underneath our feet. "We used to have this thing….In fact,I guess we still do."

"You mean….you and Alec?" I gasped, my eyes shooting back to the empty doorway Alec had just disappeared into.

Jake nodded. "It's all very cloak-and-dagger since…." He laughed bitterly, his eyes briefly catching mine before they went down again. "Well, Alec doesn't want his daddy to know that his perfect, all-American boy wonder is as queer as a three dollar bill!"

"He…._what_?" I breathed, my mouth falling opening wonder. "But-"

"Oh, sure," Jake snorted. "Al's got the most extensive collection of fag hag's known to man but that doesn't mean he's actually closing the deal with any of them. Nope, no matter what the tabloids may say, Alec Volturi is one hundred percent into men."

I still had a hard time processing it. "Does Jane know?"

"No, and I don't have to say that everything I just said will remain between the two of us, right?" Jake hastened to reply. "If Jane would find out….."

"So the two of you are together?" I started, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Alec Volturi, notorious bachelor and ladies man was very much in to men.

"I wish," Jake huffed.

"So….no?"

He shrugged. "It's kinda complicated."

I snorted bitterly. "Don't I know it." If there was anything I'd learned from my horrible experience in Berlin, it was that I was now the reigning queen of complicated relationships. Or failed ones, come to think of it.

He sighed, his huge hand on my shoulder calling me back towards the present before my mind could go off on another masochistic trip down memory lane. "It's just the same old thing I guess," he finally spoke. "We met at the gallery opening of my previous show and it was just…..great. We clicked together like nobody's business and even though it hurt like a bitch when he had to go off and play the straight guy, I just couldn't see myself walking away from him."

Another shrug as he looked at his feet. "But since his folks have started to push for him to get married, things have gotten more and more tense. I wanted more – hell, I'd marry the guy in a heartbeat, even now – but he isn't ready to come out or even acknowledge the fact that he is gay and so we're just….in limbo, I guess. "

I sighed sadly, my heart breaking of the sight of my new friend looking so hurt, my hand rubbing circles over his back in the hope of giving him some comfort. Like Alice had done to me.

"God!" he groaned, rubbing his eyes as he shook his head. "I'm such a fucking loser! Why do I let the asshole do this to me?"

"You're not a loser, Jake," I muttered. It _was just love or cupid or whatever human shape you wanted to give the emotion, that was completely and utterly unfair._ "You're just….optimistic. Like we all are."

"I'm sorry, Bells," he spoke, his hand back on my shoulder as he looked at me, sadly and with a smile wholly unconvincing. "Here I am, pouring my fucking miserable heart out when you-"

"Stop it." I commanded, hoping my smile was more convincing than his. I couldn't bear to hear him finishing that sentence, knowing what it was that he was going to say. Every reminder of him and what he'd done to me felt like another slap in the face, which was just about the last thing I needed when I was about to walk into a fucking ballroom. "If anything you've given me a nice distraction from my own personal clusterfuck of a love life. Now, how about we find Jane, do our mandatory schmoozing and then get drunk and forget all about the evil boys who broke or hearts?"

This time his smile was genuine, a little of the exuberant, rakish man who'd picked up earlier that night breaking through again as he leaned into me. "I like the way you think, Swan."

I grinned back, trying to embrace the lightheartedness for all it was worth and for as long as I could even though I knew I'd have to pay for it later. "Well, ya ain't seen nothing yet, Jakey boy!"

He looked baffled for one sweet moment until his grin widened, his deep belly laughter crashing through the stuffy room, much to the shock of the stuffy people filling it.

I smiled because it was impossible not to and because….because I wanted it, my arm laced through his as we finally stepped into the huge, domed ballroom.

Perhaps this night wouldn't be as bad as I thought.

**oOo**

_**Saturday 10.45 PM**_

"Bella!"

I braced for impact just before Alice-the-tiny-cannonball collided with me, a loud 'oomph' leaving my chest as I tried to balance my weight over the ridiculously high heels she'd out me in. "Hey, Alice. I take it dinner was good?"

"It was amazing!" Alice squealed, squeezing me tighter than she should. "And Jasper he-"

"He what?" I asked, stepping back to find out why Alice had just suddenly stopped talking which was something that just didn't happen. Period.

She blushed, trying to shrug it all off. "He's just…so…amazing?"

I rolled my eyes, knowing full well she was withholding something. It would have hurt if the sight of Alice looking so radiant didn't distract me from even thinking about how I felt about it. "I could have told you that even before he spent more money than he should on a plate of food."

"Believe me." And there was that dreamy look again. "It was well worth it."

"Fucking A, Swan!" Jake gasped, his nudged almost making me lose my balance again. "Who's that hot guy over there and please tell me he's still single."

I snorted, arching my brow. "I thought you suffered from a broken heart?"

He shrugged, his grin firmly in place. "My heart may be broken but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with my eyes, is there?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "I guess not."

"So who is he?" Jake insisted. "Do you know him?"

I looked over at Alice as the hot guy in question slowly crept his way towards us across the dance floor. "Do you want to do the honors?"

"That man….." She grinned smugly letting her voice trail off for dramatic effect as Jake's eyes flashed to her. "Is my incredibly talented, hot, sexy boyfriend."

"Way to go short stuff!" Jake praised, slapping her hand in a high five. "You really landed yourself something pretty, even though I must admit it's a crying shame the boy is straight. Now, does he taste as good as he looks?"

Alice grinned while I silently threw up in my mouth a little. I really, really, really did not want to know what Jasper tasted like. "Even better!"

Mercifully, Jasper arrived at just that moment before even more details of my cousin's sex life could sneak their way out into the open. "Thank God!" I mumbled, feeling an almost desperate need to hug the guy and so I did, much to his confusion.

"I'm taken, you know that right?" Jasper, who – I had to admit – did look rather nice in his tux chuckled.

"They were over sharing," I explained, nudging my head in Alice and Jake's direction, "and it wasn't on make-up tips."

"Ah," Jasper nodded. "Now I get it."

"So…."Jacob dawdled, "does _anyone_ know of any hot single gay guys out here tonight? I mean, if I want to make a certain someone see green with envy, I'd better start sooner rather than later."

"Well actually," Alice hedged, looking pointedly in my direction for confirmation. "I might know just the guy….."

I frowned, making a mental list of every single gay guys I knew since Alice's look kinda insinuated that I knew the guy in question. _Ah! Why didn't I think of that?_ "Riley? He's here?"

Alice shrugged. "Last minute cancellation. "Jane had an empty seat to fill and what can I say? Riley's always good for interesting conversation around the dinner table."

"I think I'm already liking him more and more," Jacob snickered. "Pray tell me, where can I find this guy?"

I smiled. _At least this was one thing I could help him with._ "You two: dance and be happy," I ordered Alice and Jasper before turning back to Jake. "You: follow me."

Riley was easy enough to spot at the bar, his outlandish blue velvet tuxedo standing out against the boring men all clad in black as he lounged against the bar, trying to look all cool and collected when even I could see he wasn't.

"Hello there, handsome," Jake crooned, draping his body next to Riley's against the bar_._"Nice suit. I think it would look mighty fine on my bedroom floor."_ Boy he was really laying it on think. _

For a moment Riley just stared at him with open mouth before the corner of his lips pulled up into a coy smirk. "Well, gorgeous," he flirted back, "if you play your cards right, it just might."

They hit I off immediately, just like Alice knew they would. She had an eye for that sort of stuff, which is why I should have trusted her visions and never have given my heart to guys she'd never seen before. _Twice_.

Well, at least Alec would find out the hard way that no relationship could survive the fact that one of the partners didn't make himself completely available to the other. _Just like I had. _

"I'm just-" I stammered, knowing I couldn't stay here, surrounded by so much hope and awakening love. "I'm going to take a look upstairs…at the art."

I'd be amazed if Jake and Riley even heard me, their heads nodding in acknowledgement as they continued whatever form of foreplay they'd been engaged in the moment they set eyes on each other_. Which only served my point. _

I smiled, trying to deny the sharp sting of jealousy as I walked away, awkwardly pushing my way through the maze of people dancing or mingling in the cramped space between the tables and the dance floor.

The entrance hall was almost empty now, all the people inside drawn to one of the major rooms for entertainment, food, drink or just the company of others. Only a few smokers, people coming back from a recent trip to the bathroom and a couple of passers through were milling around, casting sideways glances at others as they acted all high and mighty while laughing as if they'd never had as much fun in their lives as they were having right there and then. _Yeah, right._

I sighed, schlepping my body up the stairs as I held the hem of my dress up to prevent a quick and painful trip back down. When had I become so bitter? Who knew? Maybe those people were having the time of their lives. Who was I to judge them?

The mezzanine was set up as a viewing room for the art that would be auctioned off later that night as the finale of the benefit, with most of the artists affiliated with _Epicenter_ – including Jasper, Jacob and even Jarred – contributing one or more examples of their work, ranging from pictures and paintings to signed manuscripts and autographed pictures from some of the big name authors and models that had worked for _Epicenter_ in the past.

I smiled as Jacob's contribution immediately caught my eye; a large rectangular canvas almost jumping from the wall in all its loudness and boisterousness of color. _Not unlike its creator. _

Jasper's offering was more subdued; an elegant sepia fashion picture I ran away from the moment I recognized the model. _Victoria Kingston._

I huffed, staring at the perfect, doll-like face that hid such an ugly interior. How I hated her and everything she'd destroyed. Including my chance at finding love again.

My smile returned when I stumbled upon one of the smaller displays; a picture of a grinning Emmett, from the looks of it taken somewhere around the start of his career making it impossible not to smile with him as he stared out from the frame.

"Ah, Miss Swan!" Jane exclaimed her eyes shining with fakeness as she strode across the mezzanine with an older and, front the looks of it, extremely well-to-do couple in tow. "Just the person I need!"

I licked my lips, feeling suddenly very ill at ease. _What the hell did she want from me?_ "How….fortunate."

"You see," Jane went on, "Mr. and Mrs. Haper-Treacy are looking for an original birthday present for their daughter and after they told me about her recent honeymoon to Italy I immediately thought about Edward."

"E-Edward?" It was with difficulty that I spoke his name, my eyes shifting from Jane to Rose who was shadowing her boss like she'd been doing all night, her eyes apologetic as she looked back at me.

"Yes!" Jane nodded, something dangerous flashing through her eyes as she continued to speak. "His beautiful picture of 'Rome by night' would be the perfect birthday present for their precious Pippa but because Edward pulled out at the last moment, he's not here to illustrate his work and I thought that since you were there recently…"

Her words felt like hammer blows, each and every one of them hitting home as I scrambled keep my composure. _She knew. That was what that look was about. She knew…which meant she also knew about our breakup._ "Ah….oh…of course," I managed to pant, trying to catch up with the conversation again. "What do they want to know?" I decided there and then that I wouldn't give Jane the satisfaction of seeing her blows hit home.

Jane linked her arm through mine in an artificial gesture of friendliness as she tugged me towards the Harper-Treacy's and did her introductions before leading us over to one of the divider screens set up to display the art on sale for the night.

Seeing Edward work; a beautiful black and white frame of a marble statue, probably some Roman goddess,– looking out over the nocturnal panorama of Rome's historic center broke my heart all over again. It was beautiful in an almost unworldly way; the tangled web of light and darkness, perfection and imperfection, age and modernity captured in one perfect picture that screamed of the magnificence of the eternal city.

He'd done it. He'd captured Rome in a photograph.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Mrs. Harper-Treacy gushed, following my gaze as I nodded dumbly, my heart bleeding.

"Why don't you tell us a little bit more about it?" Jane's sharp voice spoke.

"Jane, I don't think-" Rose tried to come to my rescue, only to be stopped almost immediately by a hand, shooting up into the air.

"Miss Hale," she commanded, "I want you to go downstairs and make sure my brother has everything in order for the auction. Tell him we're ready to start moving the auction pieces to the main hall."

Rose shot me another apologetic look before leaving. _She'd tried_, _even though she knew this would be the outcome. What more could she have done?_

I could feel Jane's eyes on me, quietly challenging me to break, so I did what any self-respecting woman in my position would have done – what Alice, Rose and Tanya would have done in my position: I decided to meet the challenge head on.

"What do you want to know?" I asked, making sure to keep my voice animated and respectful as I turned toward the prospective buyers. _I would simply rise above….even if it killed me. _

It turned out the Harper-Treacy's were actually very nice people and genuinely interested in art and the people who created it. Though it pained me every step of the way to talk about Edward and his vision of Rome and of life, it felt good to talk about my experience with the Eternal City to people who'd been there as well, be it thirty years ago.

In the end, when they walked away, I knew Edward's picture would make a very good price towards the cause and, from the way her parents were talking about their daughter, hang on the wall of someone would appreciate it for both its artistic values and the scene it portrayed.

Which left me with Jane.

"You….you know, don't you?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. Showing weakness at a moment like this would be deadly, that much I knew.

"Of course I know," Jane sneered, taking care to keep her voice low and her fake smile in place so as not to let others know what was going on. "I run a magazine with a circulation figure of over a million copies every two weeks. I make it my business to know what my staff in doing when they should be working for me and in your case…."

She snorted smuggly. "You didn't exactly make it hard for me to figure out what was going on. Between the shared hotel rooms and the lovey dovey e-mails, I'm surprised you didn't advertise your silly little romance on page eleven!"

"But you…you never…"

"As long as it made your writing better, who was I to complain?" Jane spat. "But now….Now Edward is suddenly backing out of his assignments due to family emergencies and scheduling conflicts and you're walking around this place like someone has just handed you you're dead sentence."

She took a few steps closer, her voice filled with violent disdain. "_Now_, the magazine will suffer the consequences of your ill-advised fling."

"But we were always very careful to keep our work separate from our private lives," I lied, even though I knew it wouldn't change anything but make me a complete hypocrite, "and my personal life….it's personal…it's none of your-"

"Oh, you're mistaken, Miss Swan," she hissed, her hand gripping mine to prevent me from running. "Your personal life became my business when you started to mix it with your professional life, which so happens to center around my business, _my magazine_."

"You will fix this." It wasn't a request, I could tell that much even without looking at her. "I don't care how and I really don't care who's pride and dignity with have to be trampled upon but _you will _fix this."

She didn't pause to give me an ultimatum or tell me she was going to fire me if I didn't, which I was sure she would. She merely glared at me one last time before going off in search of someone more worthy of her attention, leaving me behind in front of Edward's art with my shattered heart and a head that was spinning faster than the wheels on an express train.

I swallowed, trying to keep myself from hyperventilating by taking deep breaths in and deep breaths out, the sounds of other people laughing and having fun almost drowned out to a distant buzz as I slowly calmed myself down again, my eyes fixed on the ethereal marble figure in the center of Edward's frame.

How I wished I could be like her; unchangeable no matter what the world threw at her.

But I wasn't. In fact, I was about as far away from stoic and unchangeable as a person could get. I was a wreck.

"You are too talented to allow my daughter to boss you around." I jumped, barely suppressing a yelp as suddenly Aro's voice spoke from behind me, the hairs at the back of my neck standing on end as he slithered closer.

"I-I don't-" I stammered, hastily trying to put on some semblance of self-control again.

"Jane often presumes that when she pays someone, she gets to dictate the entire course of their lives to suit herself and the magazine," Aro went on, his eyes gliding over Edward's art in a way that made me want to block his view. "It often surprises me how anyone can work in such a stifling environment."

I swallowed, my throat so dry it was an almost painful undertaking. "She's….she's not…"

His body shifted, his eyes now pouring over me with a greediness that made me take a few steps back. "I can imagine it must be very hard for a girl like you to work for a woman like that…." He mused, his eyes shining with amusement as I continued to nervously shift around, my eyes looking for a safe escape way as my mind tried to some up with an appropriate answer.

"It's okay…..it's not…." I started, "She's not that bad. She's-"

"I know my daughter, Miss Swan," he persisted, leaning in conspiratorially. "You know, it doesn't have to be this way. If you accepted the offer I've made you last week, if you were to work for me….." He let his voice trail off suggestively as he gauged my response. "I know Jane intends to keep her hold on you even if you do sign with _Volturi Publishing_ but if you'd asked me I'd say it would be better for you to focus on just one thing."

"But," I fumbled. "My column-"

"All I need is for you to say the words and I will take care of the rest – including my step-daughter," he smiled in a way so saccharine that, had anything been in my stomach at that moment, it would have come out. "You could still write your column, if you really wanted to, but more as a side-project while you focus on your own series of travel guides. I think a talented woman such a you deserves much more than just a compilation of work that had already been published."

He moved his arm like a master magician doing his great reveal. "It would be like the _Lonely Planet_, only far more accessible and, of course, baring your own unique look at the world."

I wet my lips as he looked at me expectantly. "O-of course." _What the fuck was going on here? _ My brain was spinning like a vortex, trying to play catch up as Aro kept on talking about his grand plans for me.

"Think about it," he chuckled, my shoulders sagging in relief as he took a step away from me. "You know where to find me."

And with that, he was gone, leaving me completely overwhelmed and gasping for breath as if I'd just run the New York Marathon.

_Breathe, Bella_. I told myself, sucking in deep, cleansing breaths of air to keep myself from keeping over as I slowly made my way to the side of the mezzanine where I'd spotted a bathroom earlier that night.

_Seclusion. I needed seclusion. And air. Oh, and time._ Why had I ever thought that going to this function would be a good thing to get my mind of him? _I must have been mad._

Mercifully the bathroom was nearly empty, the impending finale of the silent auction in the main hall drawing everyone out of the other rooms and towards the spectacle. Not me.

I sighed, leaning my head against the door as it closed behind me, my head still spinning with everything I'd just found out.

Edward was supposed to be here.

He was going to surprise me here because he knew how I was dreading this night.

He'd wanted to be there for me, to make things easier. Because he loved me.

It took me a few moments to realize that the loud sound reflecting against the tiled walls came from my throat, my tears streaking my make-up down my face as I balled my hands by the sides of my body, desperate to keep the floodgates shut before I fell completely apart and cause Jane to be even more pissed off at me.

Why did this have to be so hard?

**oOo**

_**Saturday 11:15 PM**_

The auction was already in full swing by the time I made my way out of the bathroom again, a cold towel fixing most of the red splotches in my face though really, there was no fooling anyone. As I cautiously stepped back into the empty mezzanine, I noticed that most of the artwork that had been on display there now moved to the main hall to be presented to its new owner, the sounds of some celebrity belting off numbers as the general population scrambled to spend some of their hard earned cash on a good cause drifting up from the floor below.

I walked up to the railing, peeking out from between the huge columns just in time to see a beaming Jasper hand over one of his pictures to the winning bidder, Alice standing off to the side glowing with pride as she looked at her man. _I could have been there too…That could have been Edward and me, standing there, sharing his accomplishments. _

I sighed deeply, my heart throbbing painfully in my chest as I fought back the tears, my eyes wandering to the empty spot that had held Edward's work. _We could have been together…_

Before I could go off on another wallowing mission, a small crash and the sound of a high pitched giggle – a very _familiar_ high pitched giggle – pulled my attention back towards the mezzanine, just in time to see a couple stumbling into the room.

"Come on!" Rose whispered, her voice reflecting against the stone colonnade as she dragged a man behind her. "We don't have much time."

"I thought I'd never get you to myself," the man groaned, pushing his body against hers. _I knew that voice…._

Leaning slightly around the column that obstructed me from view I was finally able to catch a short glimpse of his face until Rose pulled it against hers, moaning deeply as she kissed him fiercely. _Holy Crap! That was-_

"Emmett," his name left her lips in a happy moan, their bodies gyrating against each other as he pushed her up against the far wall. "Oh, fuck yes!"

"Are you sure about this?" Emmett's voice panted, a deep moan rumbling from his chest as Rose's hands disappeared out of sight, the sound of a zipper being pulled cuing me in on just what was going on. _Awww. Yuck!_

"I need you now, Emmett," Rose growled, her dress bunching up around her waist as she wrapped one leg around his waist. "I don't fucking care if the old harpy catches us. Fuck! I can't wait to feel your cock inside me."

_No! No! No! No! No! Please God, tell me this isn't happening? _I swallowed, knowing that if I didn't do something now, I'd have to stand there and watch my best friend get it on with the model she'd sworn she'd never look at twice even if his ass was on fire.

The thought of that outweighed the mortification of stepping out there and so, with another deep breath, I took a first hesitant step out from behind my column, just in time to see Emmett's pants fall to the floor. _Holy hell! I was looking at Emmett's but cheeks!_

"Uh…hey guys?" I squeaked, slowly sliding into view as I covered my eyes with one hand. "You might want to save that for when you get home."

"Oh, fuck!" Rose shrieked, hopping back down immediately as Emmett hastily pulled his pants back up. "You were here all along?"

"Yeah," I smirked. If I hadn't been so embarrassed I would have probably laughed my ass off at the two of them, scrambling to cover up their bits and look around them to see if their audience extended beyond me.

"Alone?" A flash of panic shot across Rose's face as she looked around her.

"As far as I know," I nodded, slowly dropping my hand to my side again now that everyone appeared to be looking decent once more. "I didn't meant to….it's just…after Jane and Aro-"

"Shit! Jane! I completely forgot about how that bitch treated you," Rose groaned, immediately crossing the distance between us, her mouth pursing when she took in my sorry state. "I wanted to come back to see how you were doing as soon as Jane cleared the room but I guess I got a little sidetracked when I ran into Emmett…."

She blushed, Rosalie Hale actually blushed, her big, blue worried eyes scanning my face. "Are you okay, babe?"

I shrugged, looking back out over the main room where on the stage Jake was grinning from ear to ear as the auctioneer sold his painting for a staggering six thousand dollars. _Was I okay? Now that was the million dollar question._ "I'm fine," I finally spoke, only slightly bending the truth.

"Hi, Bella!" Emmett snickered, approaching us now that he was decent again. "How's it going?"

"I dunno," I shrugged, still feeling rather awkward. "I've been better, I guess."

"Yeah, Rosie told me about your recent…err….streak of bad luck," Emmett nodded, smiling consolingly as he wrapped one of his huge arms around me, forming a sort of one-man tent for me to hide in. _I had to admit, it did feel rather nice._

_Rosie? _Looking at Rose I knew this had to be one special guy since she not only broke her resolve to never fuck a model, she also allowed the guy to call her Rosie. I think the last guy who'd dared to do that had woken up in hospital the next day, breathing through a ventilator.

"So…you and Rose, huh?" I smiled, quickly changing the subject.

"Yeah." Emmett grinned, looking at Rose like a man who'd just found a huge diamond. "Me and Rosie."

I snorted as Rose tried to roll her and act like she'd usually do when a guy got too close for comfort, where it not for the huge, radiant smile on her lips. "How long has this been going on?"

"A while," she shrugged, pecking at non-existent specs of dust on her dress.

I arched my brow. "A while?"

"Okay, okay!" she huffed. "We've been seeing each other since that night at Prohibition…you know? The one where Jasper first grew a pair and asked Alice out?"

I gasped. "That long?"

She shrugged. "Emmett told me that the only way to get rid of him was to either kill him or go out on a date with him and since getting rid of a corpse is such a hassle these days, I decided to give in to him as long as he promised to keep his hands where I could see them throughout the date and keep to his end of the bargain and stay the hell away from me afterwards."

"Of course she hadn't counted on falling for my killer charm somewhere halfway between appetizers and main," Emmett grinned proudly, wrapping his arm around his girl.

"Killer charm, my ass!" Rose huffed.

"Whatever it was," Emmett chuckled, obviously not swayed by Rose's remark, "at the end of the night she kissed me and, as they say, the rest is history."

"Wow!" I breathed, smiling as I looked at the pair of them. I never thought Rosa and romance would go together but this? Yeah, it was romance all right. "So why didn't you tell us?"

Rose snorted sarcastically. "Because I knew what everyone would say and…." She shrugged. "I guess I wanted to be really sure before stepping out with my new man."

"And you are?" As I spoke, it didn't escape my notice that Emmett was anticipating Rosalie's reply even more eagerly than I was.

Rose's grin was beautiful, her eyes on Emmett as she answered my question. "Absolutely."

The look they shared tore all the stitches on my heart wide open as I remembered what it had felt like to be looked at like that, with so much love and longing and lust – or to look at a person like that and know you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

"So erm….." Rose fumbled, looking between Emmett and me, "I guess we'd better get back to the auction before we're missed. Are you coming, Bella?"

I shook my head. "I think I'd better head on home."

She smiled, her hand on my shoulder as she studied me for a couple of moments. "Do you want me and Em to come with you."

"No," I answered. "I'd rather be on my own, if you guys don't mind."

"Of course we don't! But can you send me a message when you're home?" Emmett nodded wholeheartedly as Rose voiced her request.

"Okay," I nodded, "as long as you'll let Alice know I'm safe and not dying in a ditch somewhere."

They walked me back to the door, seeing me safely into a cab before going back in. I smiled, watching them disappear inside the building again, his arm wrapped around her waist and her head leaning on his shoulders. Rose needed this. And I, I needed this too.

As painful as it had been to wander amongst happy couples all night and even watch a new one spring to life, it had been just the thing I needed to restore my faith in love. I might not have found it yet but, looking at Alice, Jake and Rose, I knew it was out there and I knew that in the end it would be worth the pain.

"Whereto, Miss?" the driver called over his shoulder as he pulled into the still busy road.

"Brooklyn. Montague Street," I called, leaning back only when the driver seemed to have no issues with crossing the bridge, my eyes closing as the hum of the cab's engine brought me to the brink of sleep.

It had been quite a night.

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_**Thanks so much for reading. As always, reviewers will get teased. **_


	30. The City of God

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Jadsmama deserves my undying love and gratitude for putting up with my choppy and ridiculously long sentences and making them pretty. Love ya!**_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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**Chapter 27 – The City of God**

_**Where I recovered my faith in myself and just about everything else. **_

"When were you planning to tell me?" I smirked knowingly as a look of utter shock crossed over Alice's face, her face still sleepy as she came sauntering out of her bedroom in her pajama's, her nightgown billowing after her like a superhero's cape. _Well, that answered my question. _

"You know?" she gasped, now acutely awake. "How?"

"Really, Alice! After the big surprise-birthday-party-blowup of 2009 you should know that there's no one as bad at keeping secrets as you are!" I snorted, thinking back about that night and the disaster it had turned into. "I found your ring on the kitchen counter this morning."

"Huh?" Alice's eyes shot to her ring finger, only now ascertaining that the big, sparkly diamond ring was, indeed, missing. "But how did that happen?"

Her brows furrowed in deep contemplation as she went over her tracks. "I came in late last night after Charlotte's birthday party – which was amazing, by the way, you really should have come with us – and I was really craving a cup of black tea but there were no more clean cups in the kitchen so I quickly grabbed one from the sink to clean it and….."

"…and you took your ring off to protect it," I finished for her. "Of course with you being you and, from what I gather, slightly drunk, you forgot to put it back on when you were done."

"Shit!" Alice's pale face colored as a guilty blush made its appearance.

"You can say that again!" I chuckled; amused by Alice´s shock even in spite of the sting my discovery had left. "So, when were you going o tell me? Before or after the wedding?"

It had hurt to walk into the kitchen half unconscious after my first good night´s sleep in quite a while to find a big, sparkly engagement ring sitting on the kitchen counter. From my vantage point it was like the oval diamond was mocking me from a distance as I blinked against the light, hoping it would go away. I knew it could mean only one thing: Alice was engaged.

Alice was getting married and she hadn't told me.

My question made her look even guiltier, her bottom lip firmly wedged between her teeth as she fumbled with the sleeve of her robe. "Actually, I was planning to tell you today…before you left."

She finally looked up then, her eyes shining with tears. "Oh, Bella, I feel so awful about this! I wanted to tell you, you _have_ to believe me. It was just-"

I sighed, already having suspected that much. "I know."

"I just….you were still so down after what happened with he-who-shall-not-be-named and I – _we_ – didn't want to rub your nose into it any more than I had to," she went on, rambling at the speed of light. "I know I did an awful thing but the look on your face when you came back from Berlin….I guess I wasn't sure how you'd handle it."

I sighed, my heart throbbing painfully. I knew what she meant but still…. "I would have been happy for you, Ally. No matter how fucked up my own love life may be…I still want to see you happy more than anything."

I folded my hand around hers, forcing her to look me in the eye. "The thought that you felt compelled to sneak around on my behalf, when I know you would have wanted nothing more than to shout it from the rooftops – and don't lie to me, I know you would," I shot her a knowing look, chuckling when her cheeks blushed a deep guilty pink, before I went on, "it pains me."

"I'm so sorry, Bells," she muttered, "I didn't know what to do and then when I realized what I'd done….I didn't want to be like him, you have to believe me. I only wanted to wait for you to feel a little better again before I broke the news."

_She wanted to protect me and ended up hurting me in the process. Now, where had I heard that before?_ I closed my eyes, trying to push the hurt aside. _Always the last to know. It was starting to become the story of my life. _

"What changed?" I asked, knowing as well as she did that nothing had really changed since that morning I'd stepped off the plane a few weeks ago. The only thing that had was that I was starting to get better and better at switching my feelings off. "You were going to tell me today so you must have thought it was safe to do so."

She sighed. "You know about that job Jasper was interviewing for?"

"You mean the one for the New York City Ballet?" I frowned, trying to remember everything Alice had told me about it.

Alice nodded, smiling uncomfortably. "Well, they called him late yesterday afternoon and….and he got it."

"You don't seem happy?" My brows furrowed closer together as I studied my cousin. _Nope, she didn't seem happy at all. _

"I am," Alice hastened to answer. "I mean….it's such a great opportunity for Jasper to broaden his spec and make a name for himself in the art world. It's just-"

Her shoulders sagged as she let out a deep, shaky breath. "He's going to be away for four months touring through Europe with them and with my job-"

"Oh, Alice," I sighed, pulling her into a hug. I knew how hard it was to be away from the man you loved but for me it had been relatively easy. I had never grown used to having Edward round all the time and though it kept getting harder and harder to say goodbye with each visit, it had kind of been the natural order of things for us.

For Alice however it was not and not only did she have to get used to not having her man around, she also had the knowledge that he was spending his days with a whole _corps de ballet_ of pretty and, from what I'd heard, slightly nymphomaniac ballerina's.

"We decided to get married before he leaves in May," Alice went on, her eyes dreamy as she twirled her ring around her finger. "I don't know, it's probably silly but I really want to put a ring on it before he leaves."

I smiled at Ally quoting Beyonce at a time like that. "So you've set a date, huh?"

"Yeah." Alice sat up again, her hands distractedly wiping her eyes as she looked at me. "We're going to do it the weekend after you get back from Morocco."

"A Spring wedding," I smiled. "Just like you always wanted."

Alice nodded, biting her lip before adding in a hushed tone, "in Vegas."

"What?" I snorted. _That so hadn't been part of any dream Ally'd had about getting married. _"You're getting hitched in Vegas? Where the hell did that come from?"

She shrugged, hopping onto one of the barstools. "We don't want a big event. It's going to be just a small thing with friends and family followed by a weekend of fun before Jasper has to get away. Vegas seemed like the easiest way to get everything sorted in time."

"But _Vegas_, Ally," I sighed. "I thought you wanted a big wedding at the Vineyard?" For as long as I knew her,. Alice had always dreamt about having a big, lavish wedding at the Vineyard or some other snooty place. This…it seemed about as far removed from those dreams as possible, which made me wonder if it was really what Alice wanted or if maybe she was settling.

Another shrug. "That was before. Now, all I want is to _get_ married. It's not really important where or how. All that matters to me is that Jasper is the groom."

I could see she was telling the truth, even if I'd never imagined the word 'Vegas' coming out of her mouth in relation to her own wedding. "I'm really happy for you, Alice," I said, pulling her back into my arms. "If there's anything I can do-"

"Nope!" she interrupted me, grinning from ear to ear. "That's the best thing about getting married in Vegas. The only thing you have to do is show up at the agreed time and they'll take care of everything else."

I snickered. "I guess there's something to say for that! I remember what it was like when me and Mike got married." I cringed, remembering how my perfect, small wedding had turned into a monstrosity the minute Mike's mother got involved, countering every decision I'd made and turning it into _her_dream wedding instead of mine.

"So do I!" Alice chuckled. "I think the moment that guy walked into the Lodge with that huge, ugly ice swan was when I decided to stick to something small. The look on your face when that….thing started to melt-"

I giggled. "I couldn't decide whether I was happy about the fact that that ugly thing would be gone much faster than I expected or furious because it was quite clear that Laura Newton took great pleasure in watching a thing that was supposed to symbolize _me_ slowly fall to ruin."

"I bet in hindsight you wished you would have smashed her skull in with that thing!" Alice joked.

"Definitely!" I snickered. "It would have saved me so much trouble later on. That woman is the devil! But back to you. How did he ask?"

"We were out to dinner and they'd just brought our deserts when Jasper told me he'd been down to Minnesota to meet with my parents on his way back from his last assignment." She smiled, her eyes radiant as she went on. "Of course I wanted to know why on earth he'd willfully subject himself to my mother because, well, no sane person on earth would ever do that."

She paused for air, her eyes trained on the diamond as she continued. "He just sat back, cool as a cucumber and said 'why, Alice, I couldn't very well ask for your hand in marriage without getting' your daddy's permission first?" She mimicked his voice perfectly, her small body buzzing with happiness. "And that's when he got down on one knee, in the middle of a full restaurant."

My eyes were filled with tears by the time she was done, both from happiness and heartbreak. "That's so romantic, Ally!" As happy as I was that Alice had found her perfect match, her happiness also reminded me of what – or rather who – was missing in my life. _Him. I was missing him…and all the things that might have come to pass if he hadn't left._

"I know!" she gushed. "I already knew this was going to be a great night but then he proposed and it became even better!"

My brow furrowed as my mind started to wonder. "Wait. When did all of this happen?"

Alice's guilty blush was back, telling me I wasn't going to like whatever her answer was. "On the night of the Children's Cancer Benefit?" she muttered, her voice so low that I had to scoot my own stool closer to hers in order to hear.

"What?" I cried. "That was three weeks ago?"

"I know! I know! And I've already said I'm sorry but I'll be happy to do it again…oooh, say a million times?"

"Wow!" I smiled. _I should have known. That smiles on her face when she'd joined us that night? No dress could ever put that kind of smile on a woman's face. No matter if it cost more than most people's first cars. And boy, she'd looked so happy that night, almost as if she was floating on air. _

"What?" Alice cocked her head, looking all kinds of cautious and puzzled.

I chuckled. "You actually managed to keep this from me for three whole weeks? I'm amazed."

"I know, right?" she squealed, her hands flapping around like the paws on a baby seal. "I'm getting better at the whole 'cloak and dagger' thing!"

"You still should have told me, though, Ally," I sighed. "No matter how heartbroken I was, you shouldn't have kept me out of this."

"_Am_," she corrected me, her eyes stern.

"Huh?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "There's no fooling me, Swan. You're still as heartbroken as you were when you stepped off that plane….."

I cringed. _Apparently I hadn't gotten so good at hiding my true feelings as I thought I had been._

"But enough about me," Alice went on, taking pity on my poor soul. "Have you decided what to do yet?"

"No." I sighed, my hands getting caught in a few knots as I tried to run them through my hair. "It's just all so….confusing. I feel like I've landed slap bang in the middle of this mine field with Aro on one side and Jane on the other and I have to constantly proof myself to both of them while acting as a UN Peacekeeper at the same time."

"Ugh!" Alice's face scrunched up in disgust. "And the other thing?"

My shoulders sagged as I sighed, knowing just what she meant. "I don't know."

One of Alice's brows arched as she looked at me. "You don't know?"

"I want to talk to him – hell, I want to yell at him and maybe even get a good slap in while I'm at it – but I don't want it to be because Jane told me to," I shrugged. "Besides….I wouldn't even know where to start anyway."

"What do you mean?" Alice asked.

My heart sank as I took another deep breath. "I tried to call him the other night, when I couldn't sleep…It was-" I sighed, trying to push my emotions aside as I had taught myself to do over the past few weeks. It was the only way I could function."It was a moment of weakness I guess and I regretted it the moment I heard it ring but then it was too late to stop. He'd see it was me by looking at the caller ID and I didn't want to be that girl. You know? The one that tried to call but is too chicken shit to go through with it?"

I shrugged, snorting bitterly. "In the end it didn't even matter anyway. His number was out of use and so was his e-mail. Hell, the guy's even left Rome and vanished into thin air if his friends are to be believed!" I remembered how hurt and angry I'd felt when Tanya told me he'd just vanished after he'd fled back to Rome and that not even they had been able to get a hold of him.

"Fuck!" Alice gasped. "That's-"

"Shitty? Messed up? Completely infuriating?" I huffed. "Yeah, I know." It was also causing me even more sleepless nights, trying not to think and/or worry about where he might be or what (who?) he might be doing than our whole breakup had.

"So what are you going to do now?" Alice wanted to know.

I snickered. "Same thing I always do, get on a plane, write an article and try to sweep everything under the rug as best as I can in the hope that the solution will somehow magically present itself." There was nothing else I could do, even if deep down I wasn't as convinced I was actually going to pull it off as I wanted Alice to believe.

"That's my girl!" Alice snorted sarcastically, patting me on the back. "How long until your plane leaves again?"

I checked my watch. "Another five hours but the taxi's going to be here in two."

"You'd better finish getting packed then." Alice hopped up from the sofa, dragging me along with her. "I'll hold the fort over here while you go gallivanting across….where are you going again?"

"Brazil," I chuckled.

"Brazil, of course!" she grinned. "Now shoo!" She swatted my ass, chasing me all the way to the bedroom before going into hers to prep for her date with Jasper later that night, her engagement ring now proudly displayed on her ring finger. _Just like it should._

**oOo**

Our conversation kept playing through my mind all the way through my ten hour flight to Rio, the hurt and, if I was being completely honest, anger about being left out of a step so monumental in Alice's life slowly mixing with confusion and sadness.

Why hadn't she told me? Had I really been such a black hole of misery that she thought she couldn't confide in me?

I knew that over the last couple of weeks I hadn't exactly been a ray of sunshine or even the most approachable of persons but still, she was my cousin, my best friend in the whole world. To think that she been walking around with this big, amazing news all those weeks…

_Ugh!_ I rubbed my temples, my headache reaching new heights as our descent into Rio's Galeão International Airport the sky still black with night as all around me people started to stir. _It had been a long night._

The muscles in my neck popped painfully as I stretched, noting how a few rows in front of me Jared was fumbling with some of the stuff in his camera bag, his perpetual vitriolic glare in place as he flagged down one of the flight attendants to bark an order. _Charming as ever, I see. _

I sighed, trying not to think about what it would have been like if, instead of Jared, Edward would have gone on this trip with me. He'd be sitting next to me, for starters, and we would probably be discussing our plans and visions for the article while he played with my hair or stole a few kisses in between words. My lips pulled into a smile, my heart throbbing violently as, for a few fleeting seconds, I could almost feel what it would have been like. _Until I remembered. _

The poor woman stared back at him with a professionally neutral look but it didn't escape my notice how that look transformed into an epic eye roll as she walked away. _I know how you feel, sister!_

Shaking my head I tried not to stare as he went back to fiddling with his equipment, swallowing almost as if it had become a second nature as the plane's rapid descent made my ears pop. _Jared Fox, asshole by nature. _He really was quite a character. In fact, if I hadn't been the victim of his peevish behavior once too often I might have found it all very entertaining.

As it was it just pissed me off and made me even more uncertain about my abilities as a travel journalist as I already was. Like I ever needed help with feeling insecure.

After two trips together and many failed attempts at conversation I'd figured the best way to deal with him was just to ignore him as much as I could and hope he'd get the message and stop hounding me or, even better, go away. I wasn't very hopeful on either account, though.

I didn't know what I'd ever done to bring on the ire like that but there seemed to be something about me that just rubbed him the wrong way and he had no qualms at letting me know about that every single step of the way. The first time that happened, on our trip to Colorado, I'd let him get to me more than I should have; the surprise of his hostility capturing me completely unawares and making me doubt myself all over again.

Now, on our third trip together, at least I'd managed to come up with some kind of coping mechanism. I'd had to. Jane had made it perfectly clear to me that she wanted Jared and me to work together and that was even before my spectacular fall from grace.

_At least she wasn't sending him to Europe with me! _I smiled wryly, realizing how Jared Fox had apparently made me conquer my fear of the unknown. _Anyone, no matter how unknown and obscure, would be better than this guy!_

It seemed like the flight attendant hadn't been able to give Jared what he wanted because, as we got off the plane about half an hour later, the man was grumbling like a bear a few paces in front of me, scaring his poor fellow travelers left, right and center as the collective flight crew looking mighty glad to be rid of him. _Again, I knew just how they felt. _

Stepping out onto the steps, I could immediately smell the ocean, the salty, slightly fishy smell reminding me a little of home, though the air was much warmer than I believed I'd ever felt it in Forks.

A taxi was waiting for us at the airport to transfer us to our hotel, Jared and I both occupying opposite ends of the backseat as we crossed the bridge that spanned across the Guanabara Bay, connecting the island of Governador – the largest of 130 islands that dotted the bay – to the main land. It was beautiful, the clear water quietly lapping the shoreline as the mountains around it created an almost intimate feeling; the city of Rio de Janeiro nestled right between where the water ended and the land began to slope. It was like something out of a fairytale. And the big, fat, ugly ogre was sitting right next to me.

"What's so funny?" Jared grumbled, only making the urge to giggle even stronger.

"Nothing," I squeaked, trying to calm myself down by looking at the odd shape of Sugarloaf Mountain, sticking up from out of the water. _Nope. Didn't help one bit. _

Jared huffed, his foot kicking at a part of the car mat that was sticking up in the air. "Yeah, right!"

I rolled my eyes, my hackles rising as I tried very hard not to let him get under my skin. _He's not worth it, Bella. _I gasped, hearing Edward's soothing, velvety voice in my head. _Focus on yourself and where you want to be in life and let him stew in his own venom. _

I breathed in, my heart throbbing around the void he'd left inside when he left me as I let the sound of his voice wash over me, knowing deep down inside that it was all an illusion. _That's it. I was really losing my mind. _

Silence settled back over the cab with nothing but the muted sounds of the radio drifting in from the front as we left the bay for the city, the car shooting through traffic as we got closer to the plush green mountains until suddenly one of the most famous beaches in the world was right in front of us.

Copacabana.

When the tourism office had set us up with a hotel right off the beach I'd been a bit apprehensive. I'd never been a real beach bunny what with my pale skin going from white to red with nothing in between as soon as it caught a few rays of direct sunlight and, well, going to the beach wasn't what I was there for.

Still, as our contact had reasoned, Copacabana was a very important part of Rio and my readers would expect to read about it when they read my article. Staying there…..well, I could see why that was a huge bonus now that I was seeing it with my own two eyes. It was beautiful, almost in a surreal sort of way with the bright beach creating a boundary between the plush green of the tree-covered hills and the deep blue sea. The only downside was that all that beauty had really seemed to ring in the crowds, judging by the huge mass of tourists and locals jotting the beach. _I don't think I've ever seen so many people wearing so little. _

The cab dropped us off in front of the Marriott, my excitement over this trip growing leaps and bounds as my eyes kept going back to the pristine white sandy beach and the ocean behind it.

"Our guide is picking us up from the lobby at one," Jared sneered, unimpressed by my star struck look. _As if I didn't know that myself. Hell, I'd been the one to set it all up!_ "Try not to mess up until then."

I rolled my eyes, grunting as I lugged my suitcase up the sidewalk. "I'll do my best."

Judging by the look on his face, he wasn't completely convinced of that. _Asshole_!

**oOo**

After a short (much too short) nap and an awkward wait/stare down contest in the lobby I was feeling much more up against the challenge of spending four days in a strange city with nothing but the company of a guy who – for some strange reason – seemed to hate my guts and a tour guide I hadn't met. Though that last bit was going to change real soon.

As the taxi rolled to a stop in front of the Sao Bento Monastery, a woman stepped out of the shadows. Her short stature and black hair reminded me a little of Alice though the way she moved was much more sensuous, her body almost sliding over the sidewalk as she moved towards us.

"You are Bella?" she asked in a thickly accented English, her lips widening into a smile as I nodded. "I'm Zafrina da Silva Paranhos, your guide."

After the usual introductions we stepped inside the beautiful monastery, its stone and white façade hiding an interior that seemed to be made up mostly of gold, my eyes blinking against the brightness of it as Zafrina regaled us with stories about its history and the history of colonial Brazil. It was magnificent in a way that reminded me of the Italian renaissance churches I'd visited in Rome…._with Edward. _

It was strange how even weeks after he'd left thinking about him still caused that same sharp flash of pain in my chest, my eyes flashing around in search for distractions as I sucked in shallow breaths of stale, incense flavored air.

No matter how much I tried to hate him and the way he'd ended things between us, I still missed him too much to ever really let go of him. I still longed for him, no matter how badly he'd broken my heart. It still _ached_ for him.

"…..it was founded in 1590, the Benedictine monks still live here today and are still involved in the Colégio, though their methods have since been modernized a bit." I forced my attention back to what Zafrina was saying, my lips pulling into the smile she probably expected of me as I caught Jared's disdainful smile from out of the corners of my eyes. _Nothing new. _

After the last couple of trip he and I had gone on together, I'd decided to just let him stew in his own vitriol as much as I could and cut down communication between the two of us to a bare minimum. It had made for many a lonely night along the way but that was still better than being talked at like I was an idiot. I got enough of that at the office now that Jane was very clear about the fact that she hated my guts.

Following Zafrina's lead we set off across town, the beauty of the sometimes very ancient buildings alternated with ugly modern concrete and buildings that had fallen into decay until we were standing in front of another beautiful church, this one slightly more traditional European in look.

"It's beautiful," I whispered, mindful of Jared's constant scrutiny.

"It is," Zafrina nodded, "though for us this church will always be connected with the gruesome murder of eight street children that took place right outside it."

I swallowed, looking at the square and the beautiful baroque church with different eyes. "What happened?"

"This square has been a makeshift home to homeless children for as long as anyone can remember, most of them involved in some pretty horrible things like drug trade and prostitution. The people from the church looked after them as well as they could, giving them food and advice but there wasn't much they could do….." She sighed, her eyes, like mine, drifting to a few rumpled looking kids who were hanging out near the front entrance to the church. "About ten years ago, a couple of corps apparently had enough of the kinds' provocations and decided to retaliate, shooting and killing eight and wounding several others. Only two of them were later on convicted, though there must have been more."

"That's horrible!" I gasped, suddenly looking at the beautiful, elegant façade in a whole new light.

Zafrina nodded. "And unfortunately it fits right into the picture most people have of Brazil and maybe even South America: a lot of fun and dancing on the one side and drugs and violence on the other…."

"But there's more to it than that," I mused, the angle for my article presenting itself almost naturally. "Tell me about it."

"It will be my pleasure." Zafrina's smile was radiant, a soft hand pulling me further towards the front entrance of the church. "Take this church, for instance. It's called the _Igreja de Candelária_ and its story is quite interesting…." I could hear Jared snapping pictures behind us, the clicking sound of his camera making me cringe in light of what I'd just discovered about the place as I listened to Zafrina. "In the 17th century, a ship called the Candelária almost sank on its way here. When they did arrive safe and sound, the Spaniards aboard the ship decided to found a small chapel called _Our lady of the Candelária_ to thank the Virgin Mary for their safe arrival. It has been here ever since, though the church that stands here today was made much later."

I could see that, inside and out the white, geometrical shapes were too open and light to have been made in the 17th century; a sharp contrast with the church we'd just visited.

From the church we strolled through historic downtown Rio, with Zafrina regaling us with stories about the city's history and her own history living in the city for most of her life as we walked through the narrow, hectic streets, taking in the beautiful buildings ranging from cultural centers to imperial palaces before sitting down for coffee and the most amazing chocolate hazelnut tart I'd ever tasted at the magnificent _Confeitaria Colombo_, a coffee shop that still looked like it did in 1894 when it was built.

Even Jared seemed to be impressed. Not that that made him any more agreeable.

After finishing our drinks we went back onto the streets ending our tour at the very modern glass Metropolitan Cathedral where we were picked back up by our ride but not before making arrangements for the next couple of days.

_Edward would have loved this city. _The thought entered my mind before I could stop it, making me have to squeeze my hands into fists to ward of the pain that never seemed to fade. It had been the same everywhere I went; reminders of Edward and the time we'd spent together attacking me from seemingly out of nowhere and making me feel the pain of what I'd lost all over again. _Would it ever get better? Would there be a time when I could go out there and not be reminded of him every time I saw someone take a picture or came across a building that reminded me of something we'd seen or done together?_

By the time our taxi dropped us back off in front of the hotel I was completely wiped out, my legs barely managing to get me back to the hotel for a quick shower and change before I settled on the beach with a book and a rented umbrella, sipping a bottle of water as I peeked over the cover of my novel at the ocean and the people around me. I could definitely see now, why Copacabana had its perks.

Still for all its beauty and liveliness, not even the beautiful beach could make the ache in my chest go away, my hands trembling when I turned the page of my book only to discover the huge mistake I'd made when going for Jane Eyre – one of my favorite books of all time.

Edward Rochester. _Edward_.

I groaned. How could I have been stupid enough to forget! Why did he have to follow me everywhere I went?

_It will be as if I never existed._

_Yeah, right!_ I huffed, slamming my book shut and crossing my arms in front of my chest as if that could somehow protect my heart from feeling the pain it always felt when thoughts about _him_ crept in. If only I could somehow manage to wipe him out of my mind, just like that. It would make my life so much easier.

The thing was, though, deep down in my heart I knew I didn't want to because the memories of Edward, painful as they were, were still some of the happiest moments in my life.

"Você está bem?"

I looked up to find a young man, a _very cute_, nice looking young man, staring at me. "I don't….err…." I blushed, wishing I'd used the ten hours in mid-air to brush up on some Portuguese instead of yammering on about things that couldn't be changed even if I wanted to.

'Ah!" The guy flashed me a set of white, perfectly straight teeth that made me grateful I was wearing my sunglasses. "I ask….if you is… okay?"

His adorable broken English made my blush deepen. "I-I'm fine," I shrugged, my hands fidgeting nervously with the cover of my book.

"Then why you cry?" he hunched down, his deep brown eyes reminding me of a those of Bobby, the trusty teddy bear that had kept me company for most of my childhood.

"Cry?" I frowned, brushing my hand along my eyes to find that I had, indeed, been crying. "It's nothing…It's just…."

He smiled, shocking me by taking my hand in his and bringing it to his lips. "Beautiful woman should never cry."

_Oh my lord! Was he actually…..flirting with me? Why in God's name? _My cheeks couldn't get any redder even if I painted them with my lipstick. "I…err…..I guess sometimes they have no other choice."

"Then let me put smile on your lips again," he offered, his dazzling smile back in place. "I know nice place. We could have coffee….dinner? I show you good time?"

I swallowed hard. _Boy was he laying it on thick!_ "I don't know….I don't…."

"I will not lay hand on you," he hastened to add, "Unless you ask, of course. Just fun, no?"

I sucked in a shaky, nervous breath, wondering what it was about my plain black bathing suit and plain _me_ the guy found so attractive that he would go through all that effort to ask me out. "I-I really don't," I stammered, wishing more than anything Rose and her kickassness had rubbed off on me. "I don't even know your name!"

"Santiago Diaz Lopes," he answered, his name falling from his lips almost like a song. "And you?"

"Bella Swan," I muttered, noticing for the first time how un-poetic the English language really was. _Great Bard or not. _

"There! Now we know names! Go out with me?" he pouted.

_I can never be the man you deserve so it's better to part ways now before I hurt you even more than I did last night. _Edward's words sounded in my head. _He_ didn't want me. He'd made that abundantly clear by the way he left me. I closed my eyes, as I sucked in another breath while contemplating his. It would be so easy….so, so easy to go out with this guy and just forget.

"No." The words were out of my mouth before I knew it but the minute they were I knew it was the only right answer. "I really appreciate your offer Santiago and …..and had circumstances been different I might have-"

"There is other man, no?" he mercifully interrupted me, nodding understandingly. Sighing dramatically he lowered himself onto the sand next to me. "Is pity. Beautiful woman like you should not be alone in place like this. He is idiot for not being here with you!"

_Don't I know it!_ "I know," I sighed, my eyes fixed onto the horizon as I could feel more tears drip from my eyes, "but sometimes things don't go as planned."

**oOo**

"Will you be okay on your own?" Zafrina asked for the umpteenth time since breakfast. "It would be no trouble to have one of the guys from the B&B go with you….."

Zafrina and I had gotten along great over the last couple of days, her company a never-ending source of relief against Jared's persistent bad temper. Her presence had been the difference that made this trip seem more like a fun vacation than work, the full program and many distractions of the city even making me _forget_ at times, which was a small miracle in itself.

"I'll be fine, Zafrina!" I chuckled, taking a bite from a particular succulent piece of fresh mango. "I'm only going to walk up that hill and back again! How hard can it be?"

She arched her brow. "I saw you in action at the _Escola de Samba_ yesterday."

I could hear Jared snicker in the background, the memory of me trying to fumble through a seemingly easy dance routine while twisting my ankle or just plain falling flat on my face with every new step added to the routine making me cringe. It had been the only time I'd ever seen that asshole smile, the constant buzzing sound of his camera documenting my clumsy movements making me hate him even more.

"So?" I pouted. "I don't think there will be any dancing involved in climbing that hill."

"True," Zafrina smiled, shooting a heated glare in Jared's direction. "But it's enough of a miracle you can still walk after the way you tortured your ankle's yesterday. I wouldn't think you'd tempt faith by climbing a rocky mountain path."

I shrugged, knowing just what she meant. It was just….. "I have to do this," I spoke, to myself as much as to her, "just to see if I can."

Zafrina grabbed my hands over the table, giving me a knowing look. "Then good luck and keep your phone on you. Just in case."

I smiled back at her. "Thanks. You have fun with your parents."

After yesterday's Samba School disaster, Zafrina had taken us on a tour of Guanabara Bay, a boat helmed by one of her brothers taking us from one amazing island to the next before finally dropping us off on one of the smaller of the little specks of land scattered all over the bay. It was the island that had been home to Zafrina's family for decades and where her parents owned the small bed and breakfast that had been our stop for the night.

"I can't believe I'm already leaving again tonight!" I sighed, wiping the juice from my lips with a paper napkin.

"You could always stay," Zafrina joked. "I think my mother would adopt you in a heartbeat and then there's always Santiago-"

I scowled, already regretting the fact that I'd told her about Santiago _and_ Edward in a moment of weakness. "I think Santiago has long since moved on to his next victim. Besides, I don't think my cousin is ready to give up custody over me just yet," I shrugged, "but I might take you up on that offer on a later date." Between the sun, the people and the amazing sights I was fast underway of falling in love with the city.

"We'll be here," Zafrina chuckled. "Just like we have been for as long as anyone can remember."

"So…" I pushed my chair back, wanting to get underway as much as I wanted Zafrina to have a little more off-time with her folks. "Pick-up time is at two, right?"

Zafrina nodded. "I've already confirmed our taxi and Kachiri will be by with your luggage when we're done."

"Great," I smiled back. "Now go have some fun."

"You too, Bella," she grinned. "Just don't break anything!"

I shook my head, watching her walk into the kitchen with a lithe spring in her step, my mood clouding when I turned back to find Jared scowling at me from over his breakfast. _Ah, yes. Back to business._ "Jared?"

"What?" I had the strong urge to roll my eyes as he growled his answer to me. _He was so damn predictable. _

"Would it be okay if we go over your frames before we leave?" I cringed, already expecting his reply.

"The hell it won't!" he spat.

I sighed, inwardly counting to ten before I went on. "I just want to take a look at what you've got before I outline my article. Going over the shots and making a selection of the stuff that's good is really going to help me decide what to focus on in my article." _Besides….most of your work is so incredibly mainstream that it's hard to push it up to _Epicenter_ standards._

"Then you'll just have to be patient, sweetheart," he smirked malignantly, "because you won't see my work until I'm ready to share."

I shook my head, my control slowly waning. "I really don't see what your problems is. Jasper and Edward-"

"Ah yes!" he interrupted me. "I was wondering when you were going to bring _those_ two up."

The way he said it, with so much disdain for two of the people I held closest to my heart, was enough to make me snap. "You know...what the hell is your problem?"

"_My_ problem?" he snorted angrily. "I'll tell you what my problem is, buttercup. My problem is _you_."

"Really?" I huffed sarcastically. "I'd never noticed."

"You walk in here all wide eyed and naïve, thinking you can play with the big guys when all it takes is one minute to see just how much of an amateur you are."

I balked, the sheer hostility in his vice as well as the meaning of his words taking me aback. _What the fuck?_

"You think that just because you've somehow managed to fool Jane into thinking you can pull this off that you actually belong here, do you?" he asked accusingly. "Well, you may have fooled her but there ain't no fooling me."

"Funny!" I snarled, already fuming with rage on the inside. "You're the only one who seems to think that."

"Well what did you expect?" he grinned evilly. "That Whitlock guy is only used to taking pretty pictures of pretty girls in pretty dresses and Cullen….well, we all know how you got into his good books now, don't we?"

My hands balled into fists by my sides and if it hadn't been for the fact that we were in Zafrina's parents' house, I would have taken a swing at him. "How dare you!"

"No," he hissed back. "How dare _you_! You think that you're going to be a good travel journalist just because you can google your way to some half-decent contacts? Well let me tell you: the real world ain't nothing like that. In the real world people are picking up your slack because you're too lazy or too afraid to actually do the legwork your job requires. And the worst thing is that you don't even see it." He stood up abruptly. Tossing his napkin onto his plate and marching out of the breakfast room without giving me the chance to even think of a reply.

Maybe it was a good thing he did, too, because with the way my blood was boiling at that moment, I might have committed a seriously felony if the bastard had still been there to let me. _Charlie would hate that. Though maybe…Nah, he'd hate it even because of the paperwork. _

I growled, feeling so much anger and energy in my body that I'd all but leaped off the porch, my legs carrying me out of the house and onto the mountain path Zafrina had been so concerned about before I even had time to think, my hands violently slapping at any shrubbery that dared get in my way.

How. Dare. He!

I was so angry I didn't even notice I was still walking until I was halfway up the hill, the density of the forest swallowing me as I plowed on.

_Please be careful. _

I halted, gasping when the reappearance of Edward's voice in my head made me freeze in position, my foot about five inches away from getting caught in a particularly evil looking tree root.

_That's it, sweetheart. Watch your step or you'll fall. _

I let out a shaky breath, almost sure that if Edward's voice hadn't pulled me out of the funk I was in, I would have broken my neck on that root or on some of the other ones that were sticking up from the path, glistening with the remnants of the morning dew.

"Edward?" I whispered, closing my eyes in the hope his voice would return. But it didn't. It was had gone away as quickly and quietly as it had appeared.

"Typical!" I huffed, feeling my anger slowly trickle back into my step, though this time around I was more careful to watch where I was going. "_Men_!"

Alice had been right all along: who needed them when there were perfectly good vibrators and AA batteries to take their place? Not me! In all my life the men in it had been good for only two things: heartbreak and headaches.

_Seriously_! I wondered why I'd even bothered in the first place when I knew full well my relationship with Edward had been doomed for the start.

My movements became more erratic, my hands slapping at ferns and other plans that had the gall to stand between me and the summit as I marched along the path until there was nothing left to slap; the trees and ferns having given way to a small, grass covered platform overlooking the bay.

My breath came in shaky, shaky pants, my legs trembling from the strain of the climb as suddenly an awful idea sprang up from out of nowhere. _Had my relationship with Edward really been doomed from the start? Or had I been the one to sabotage it?_

From the start I had been hesitant to let him into my heart. There had been no denying my feelings for him and there had been moments when we were so good together that I really wanted to believe I'd found my happily ever after.

But that was just it. There's always been this lingering doubt in the back of my mind, reminding me of all of the differences between us that were going to tear us apart. The age gap, the distance thing, his past…had I really ever given him a fair chance at all?

_No_. My legs gave out, my body sinking down onto the grass like a floppy sack of potatoes as my subconscious answered the question for me.

I'd been so afraid of ending up heartbroken again that I'd never really committed myself to our relationship, to _Edward_, in the way I should have. And he'd known that.

He'd known I was always moments away from breaking things off with him. And yet he'd tried.

"Oh my God!"I clutched my chest, my body curling into a ball around it as heavy sobs wracked through it when I realized just how much of a fool I'd been. How _weak_ I'd really been.

Jared had been right. I _was_ naïve. But most of all, I was afraid.

_Fear_, I snorted bitterly, a few startled birds flying up at the harsh sound, _it had been at the foundation of every relationship I'd ever entered into. _

It had been the fear of ending up alone that had driven me into Mike's arms, even through I'd known, or could have known, that we were much too different to ever make it work in the long run.

It had been the fear of judgment that had prompted my move to New York, where I'd clung to Alice and the safety of my desk job like a lifeline, never stopping to think if maybe I wasn't giving up my dreams of becoming a writer for the comfort of certainty and predictability.

It had been my fear of failure that had pushed me towards Edward, trusting his insight and artistry to steer me in the right direction and using his confidence to get me through my first assignment safe and sound, just like I'd done with Jasper.

Fear might have laid the foundation of my love for Edward but it had also been the destruction of it. It had been my fear that had made him keep his secrets for me. If I hadn't been so afraid to trust him and accept him – his past, his friends, his whole way of life – he would still be here with me, his real voice lulling me to sleep instead of some ghostly hallucination my freaky mind came up with.

It didn't make his behavior right. He'd still lied to me and left me when he should have stayed and fought for us, for _me_, but right there and then I could understand why he'd done it. And I knew that I'd shared an important part of the blame.

I'd been so afraid of living that I'd gone through life, hiding myself away and sucking the happy out of everything that should have been fun and exciting even to the point where my own cousin feared that sharing her happy news with me might send me spinning back into a state of depression.

_Well, no more. _I sniffed, pushing myself up from the ground and rising on shaky legs. "No more."

At the age of thirty-one it was about time that I took some control of my own life and started living it; brazenly and in a way that was most likely to lead to happiness.

I sucked in a deep breath of fresh ocean air, my hands balling into fists as I felt myself become invigorated by the strength of my resolve. From this day forward, I was going to _live_.

In Hollywood movies this was usually the part where the heroine got an extreme makeover and a matching tattoo to commemorate her victory over herself or brazenly jumped off a scary looking cliff before skipping off into the sunset with some hot guy. Me….not so much.

I'd never been into extreme sports since I had a hard enough time keeping myself upright on a flat surface and there was nothing about the rocky coastline that separated the island from the sea that made even the least bit inclined to hazard a jump.

The idea of a makeover wasn't all that unappealing but I knew Alice would kill me if she wasn't included in that and as for the tattoo…even for 'new and improved me' that went a little bit far. Besides, I'd seen one too many episodes of House M.D. to ever throw my skin at the mercy of some back alley Brazilian tattoo cowboy.

Nope, I went and did the next best thing: I went to see Jesus. Well, after a fashion.

I'd been looking forward to our visit to the statue of Christ the Redeemer, that magnificent icon that had been towering over the city of Rio for as long as anyone could remember (when it truth it had only actually been there for less than a century). He had been everywhere we went, looking down upon us from his high spot on the mountain but today, as the dramatic conclusion of our trip to Rio, we'd finally be face to face.

Or, as reality would have it, toe to face.

Standing there, underneath the arm of the enormous statue and overlooking the bay, I felt more alive than I had felt in a long time, maybe even more than I ever had in my life; the energy of my recent epiphany mixing with the adrenaline of being so high up above everything else causing the blood almost to buzz through my veins.

Yes, this moment would be the start of my new life. A new page. A blank page.

Starting right then, _I_ was going to take control of my life.

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_**Go Bella! What do you think/hope she will do next?**_

_**Next chapter: find out WTF Edward was/is thinking. **_

_**Thanks so much for reading. As always, reviewers will get teased. **_


	31. The City of Counts

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Jadsmama deserves my undying love and gratitude for putting up with my faulty sentences and making them pretty. Love ya!**_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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**Chapter 28 – The City of Counts**

_**Where I learned that no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't stay away from her. **_

"Carmen?" My voice echoed through the empty apartment, the crash of my overnight bag hitting the stone floor magnified by the emptiness of all other sound.

I took a few more steps into the house, depositing my keys on the hallway table. "Eleazar? Anyone home?"

As I crossed from one empty room into another I realized that probably given the time Carmen and Eleazar were both out to work. Eleazar worked as an IT consultant for a major phone company which meant that he wouldn't be in until sometime after eight and Carmen had probably already left for practice or training or whatever the hell flamenco-dancers called their stomping about in preparation for their show.

Following my nose, I stopped in front of the microwave where a still warm plate of food was resting, the cling film wrapped around the plate fogged up with condensation. My mouth watered as I pulled the flimsy sheet of plastic away, the fragrant smell of _Escudella i carn d'olla _drifting up from the plate. I placed the stew back into the microwave, too impatient to go through the traditional process of separating the meat and the vegetables from the stock and eating them separately as Carmen had showed me once.

As expected a few fresh slices of bread were waiting on the counter, covered by a moist tablecloth with a neatly folded piece of paper on top of it.

**Edward.**

**I figure you be hungry after flight.**

**Bon profit!**

**Carmen.**

**P.S. See you at tablao tonight?**

I smiled at the unexpected kindness of my new flat mates. Heidi hadn't been kidding when she told me they were some of the nicest people she knew around the scene and would be the perfect guides to help me find my footing in this new city.

Barcelona; the city of counts.

It had been Heidi who brought me into contact with them, helping me on the sly since Tanya still pretty much wanted to rip my head off and feed it to the crows. She remembered Carmen and Eleazar from the brief time they'd spent in Berlin and figured they'd be as good as any to help me find a place to live or even a cheap hotel I could stay in for a week or two as I found something. It was how the bohemian scene worked.

Sure, there were some people you'd do best to steer clear from – most of them drugged up and up to their eyeballs in all sorts of sly dealings to support their habit. Those were the kind of people who gave our crowd a bad name; the kind of filthy buggers who'd liquor you up on cheap beer only to steal your money when you were too out of it to notice or scam old ladies and unsuspecting tourists out of their money with some fucked up bar trick.

The rest of us….we were kind of like a family; a strange one but one that was more understanding and helpful for their members than most of their real families ever could be.

I guess on that point I was luckier than most of us. My family at least _tried_ to understand the appeal of the life I was living, even though I was quite convinced my dad would never truly get it.

It was still more than Tanya's parents ever did. To them, Tanya would always be the lovely little baby girl they'd all but force-fed their thoroughly bourgeois lifestyle with a silver spoon until she slapped it away and chose her own path; a life filled with art and love they would never understand.

Because they never tried. They resisted.

According to Heidi, things had gotten slightly better between Tanya and her family since they'd moved to Amsterdam but they still had a long way to go before the chill would really be out of the air. It was sad, because they would be missing out on so many important things in their daughter's life and never got to see the strong, independent woman she'd turned into.

I still missed her. Even if there's been miles between us during the last couple of years, it had been a comfort to know that she was always a phone call away if I needed her, or if she needed me. Now, I was feeling oddly alone. I could only hope that one day she'd let me back in again, even though I could understand her anger.

I felt it too, an unspeakable anger and disgust whenever I looked back on my actions that night and the months leading up to it, but unlike her, I couldn't banish it from my life. I had to live with it, every bloody hour of every sodding day. So I did what every self-respecting guy in my situation would do.

I worked.

Over the last couple of weeks I'd buried myself in my work, all but jumping at the chance to travel to the African Maghreb countries to document the progress (or sometimes lack thereof) of the Arabian Spring that had rolled over the region like a Tsunami wave last year and had caused some major changes in the way those countries were ruled and the way the people inhabiting them regarded their rulers.

Walking through the streets of Tunis, Tripoli and Cairo and being smuggled across the Jordan border into Syria, my mind had been reeling from the mechanizations of power and the almost surreal way the bravery of a few upstanding citizens could break through it. They did so hoping that in freeing themselves from the oppression and dictatorship of the old regime, they would secure a better future for themselves and their children. But both the risks and the cost had been high.

Both the optimism of the people as well as the scars left behind of the violent struggle with which the people sometimes had to claim their right to freedom and democracy were still very visible wherever you went; from the Tahrir square in Cairo to the ruined government buildings of Tripoli. The region was in motion and which way it would spin was still not completely clear but you could feel it; in every nook and cranny of every major city and every small backward town.

Change.

Good change.

Talking to some of the people who'd made it happen and documenting their strife for all the world to see made me feel good about myself for the first time in weeks. It made me feel like I was actually trying to help _built_ something instead of being a force of destruction. And I guess it didn't hurt that this was going to be a monster commission that – in Jane's words – was going to put my name on the map in a way that wouldn't go unnoticed.

Whatever the bloody hell that meant.

The pay was good, though. Ever since the auction, there had been a rise in interest in my work and with Jane whoring me out like a prime Brewer Street pimp which meant that – even without the surprisingly good deal I managed to strike on my yellow Vespa, thanks to Angela, money was starting to not be the problem it used to be anymore.

Which actually took some getting used to.

It was strange, how you could get used to cutting corners and basically living on nothing but bread, cheese, pasta, cigarettes and cheap beer that tasted of piss and hate it every second of every bloody day but kind of miss it when it was gone. There were so many options now…too bloody many, it seemed sometimes. I couldn't handle them, not with the general shambled my life had turned into. I desperately needed the monotony of going through the motions without stopping to think or choose to keep my mind from going placed that would only lead to its destruction.

I rolled my eyes, yanking the plate out of the microwave when it dinged. _When the hell did I turn into such a bloody wanker? Too many options? Bloody hell! It was a good thing Tanya wasn't around to witness this or she would have kicked me in the fucking balls!_

And just like that I was back at square one.

Tanya.

Berlin.

Bella.

"Fuck!" I growled, pulling the cutlery drawer open a little too hard, knives and forks flying everywhere as I tried to settle my shaking hands enough to put everything back in place and get what I needed to fucking eat. _Bloody woman and her unshakable hold on me! Why couldn't I forget her and start living with the choices I'd made? Wasn't it bad enough that I regretted my actions every fucking minute of every bloody day? Why did she have to keep haunting me with every sodding breath I took on top of that?_

I cringed, my subconscious immediately answering those questions for me. _Because you love her and she loved you too. Well, at least she did before you fucked everything up._

I never thought this was going to be a walk in the park. My love for her ran as deep as anything and separating myself from the hold she had on me…I shook my head. I knew I'd been in for a rough patch when I left her behind in Berlin but I'd never realized just how heavy my decision would weigh on me. How heavy my _mistake_ would continue to affect me weeks later.

I knew I'd made a mistake the minute I stepped on that bloody train but after the shit I pulled, I also knew that there was no way back no matter how much I wanted there to be one. Only an idiot would take back a guy who'd ran and left her all alone in a strange town after one hell of a fight.

Bella wasn't an idiot. She'd never take me back in a million years especially not after reading my little farewell note to her.

_That damn letter_. I growled, trying to contain the urge to smash something as I thought about that disgusting piece of paper I'd left with her. I knew it had to be done. I knew that without it she'd never accept the truth and move on but still….writing it had been one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my life. It broke me to betray the love and dedication I held for her by writing words that went against everything I felt at that moment. But it had to be done.

At least, that was what I'd thought at the moment.

After I was done trashing my room in Rome, I'd packed up my clothes and some of the stuff that was still in one piece and left, unable to stay in that room and all the memories attached to it one more minute. When I pulled the door shut behind me a few hours later, all I'd left behind was one big old mess for Liam to clean up (which I found rather fitting given the way he'd told me to bugger off) as well as my key and a little note.

I dropped by Angela's on my way to the airport, figuring the least thing I owed her after all she'd done for me was an explanation of my motives and a chance for her to scold me in person.

Which she did.

Before she and Renata dropped me off at the airport they promised me to find a good buyer for my Vespa and keep in touch; the webcam I'd invested in suddenly finding a good use even though Bella would never again be on the other end of it. I missed them. I had to admit it. I missed them a whole bloody lot.

Angela and Renata had both been like lifelines for me and going without the comfort and sense of normalcy they gave me, even though we Skyped at least once a week, was tough to get used to. I knew, though, that it wouldn't have happened regardless of my leaving town. Only a few days before I'd left Rome, Ben had accepted a job at the State Department – Angela had told me a couple of days later, when she was sure I was taken care of by my mum –whether I'd stayed in Rome or not, they would have moved out to Washington DC in a few months anyway. All in all, Barcelona wasn't such a bad place for me to be, given the circumstances.

Shoveling spoons full of food into my mouth, I scampered into the living room, my hand idly flipping through the channels in search of something to watch that didn't make me want to stick hot burning pokers into my eyeballs, as I devoured my tea, but finding nothing. Not that it mattered anyway since both my Spanish and my Catalonian were still very rudimentary to say the least. Non-existent would be closer to the mark.

I'd arrived in Barcelona about four weeks ago, following the instructions Heidi left for me and ending up in a small street in El Raval, a lively (and slightly infamous for its crime and prostitution) neighborhood bordering on the Ramblas.

Where I'd expected further directions and maybe a couch to sleep on for my first night, I'd found an empty guest bedroom and a young couple eager to have a flat mate to help them out with their rent. I'd moved in that very same day, blessing my lucky stars for finding someplace cheap and nice to stay that didn't have my mum hovering over me like she was expecting me to kill myself at any given moment. _Nope, for now she'd just have to resign herself by doing so from a distance. _

Carmen and Eleazar had both been very eager to show me the ropes and teach me about the culture and history of the city they'd both been born and raised in, but with both of them working full time jobs and me having to leave for Tunis after ten days nothing much had come of it yet. I had a feeling, though, that could change tonight.

Leaning forward for a piece of bread, my eyes fell on the magazines, haphazardly scattered all over the coffee table, my face landing on the one I'd been trying to avoid like the plague ever since that day when I'd messed up the only good thing in my life.

_Epicenter_. I froze, my heart pounding in my chest as I felt the blood draw from my face, part of me wanting nothing more than to dive into that fucking magazine and devour every single word Bella had written but the rest of me….it knew better.

I swallowed a few times, trying to ignore I'd ever seen the damn glossy magazine as I kept scooping food into my mouth, barely chewing and not tasting a damn thing as my leg bounced up and down like it was running on electricity. _Which town would be featured in this edition? _

I knew it mostly took a while for our trips to make it to print, the mechanizations of a biweekly magazine operation in mysteriously slow ways. _Did London already make it to print?_

From what I'd seen and read of her section, no amount of editing had been able to kill the true spirit of Bella splashing off the page from the first words you read; her enthusiastic and sometimes slightly naïve way of looking at the world taking the reader on an exhilarating eye-witness account of her travels that made it feel like you were walking there with her. I could know; I'd actually been the lucky sod who got to walk those streets with her. _Maybe if I read it, I wouldn't feel so…_

Nah, who the hell was I trying to kid? Reading her words, having her so close to me again when I knew she'd always be out of reach….it would hurt like a fucking bitch. Even more so than it already did.

I growled low in my chest, stuffing a hunk of bread into my mouth as I kept bouncing my leg like some sort of junkie in detox. _I have to get the fuck out of here now before I do something I'm going to regret. _

Not trusting myself to be in the same room with that bloody magazine for one more moment I hightailed it out of there, dunking my dirty plate in the sink before locking myself in my room. Like the bloody pussy I was.

"I need a fucking shower!" I mumbled at no one in particular, digging through my bag for a bottle of shampoo and a razor that had both seen embarrassingly little use of late, before trekking across the hallway to the shower in the hopes that a good old soak would relieve some of my tension.

I hadn't been under the water for long before my hands started to wander south, my eyes closed as I let the water hit my face as my soapy palm grabbed hold of my dick, moving up and down with a grip I knew was going to bring me some much needed stress-relieve real soon. _Brown eyes wide with wonder as they drank in the sight of some old house or painting, her mouth slightly opened and her hand squeezing mine as I stood next to her, unable to take my eyes off the true beauty by my side to even look at the work of art in front of us._

"Damn!" I gasped, slamming my free fist against the wet tiles, the weight of my body leaning against it as my other hand picked up speed, my mind conjuring up images on its own volition as I started racing towards the finish line. _Bella's eyes closed in bliss, her plump bottom lip sucked between her white teeth as I fucked her with everything I had in me to give. _

"Fuck!" my fist kept slamming against the tiles in some sort of distorted Morse-code, the pain in my heart momentarily forgotten as my subconscious kept assaulting me with images I knew I was going to have to pay for later. _Bella's smile as she walked out of the terminal, her scent in my nose as her arms wrapped around me and my lips molded against hers. _

I groaned, my forehead leaning against the cold as I pretended it was only the water that soaked my face. "Bella." _That moment early on in the morning when she wasn't quite awake but too conscious to be sleeping; that lazy smile when her legs wrapped around my waist as our bodies started what our minds couldn't quite comprehend. _

"Shit!" My body shuddered as my release poured out of me, mixing with the water as it swirled into the drain, my body collapsing to my knees with the force of my emotions as my shoulders shook; mourning the worst decision I'd made in my life.

**oOo**

I was still shaken a few minutes later when I walked out the door, knowing the temptation of the glossy magazine was too much for me to resist.

And so I walked, knowing that staying the same room – hell, the same building even – as that magazine would drive me bloody insane.

I'd found over the last couple of weeks that no remedy cured the overworked soul better than walking, my feet carrying me to places I'd never have found in a conscious state as my mind ran in circles trying to find ways to forget her and get out of this mess.

I'd so far been unsuccessful, even though my ramblings had triggered the most beautiful frames I'd ever shot in my life. I suspected Jane would be very disappointed if I ever reclaimed happiness.

I only stopped to look around me when my ears registered the peaceful murmur of a fountain, my eyes widening as I found myself in a small, green courtyard surrounded on all sides by what had to be some of the most ancient buildings in this already ancient neighborhood.

It was beautiful, the carved archways and faded fresco's bathing in the afternoon sun while dozens of little sparrows, attracted by the fountain and the geometrically shaped herbal garden flittered across the open space, making the place come alive.

Clinging to my instincts, I immediately got my camera out and started taking some snaps, trying to catch the faint rays of Springtime sun just as they hit the water, hoping for a magical effect once I developed the film.

I smiled, feeling the buzz of a new text message in my back pocket as I stepped away, sinking onto a small stone bench in the middle of the courtyard as I whipped my phone out to check it.

Mum. Just as I thought.

**How are you doing, Edward?**

**Did you make it back in one piece?**

**Over here everything is fine, as it always is.**

**Are we still on for tonight?**

**Mum.**

I snickered. _She was nothing if not predictable._

I stayed with mum and dad for about two weeks, patching up the final bits of old pain between us, revisiting the good old days when everything was so less complicated and meeting all of Bea's giggly, moon-eyed friends.

I'd even managed to keep a straight face when they gawked at me from the other side of the room and did that thing where women gossip about you even though they know you know they are gossiping about you but go on with it for shits and giggles or just to drive a geezer up the bloody walls.

After fourteen days of intense amateur mum-therapy and sloshing about in wet, foggy London with the teeny-bopper squad, I knew I had to either leave or get high to keep myself from pulling my hair out, tying it all into a pretty little French braid and using it to string myself up.

So I left, much to mum's dismay. We still kept in touch, though, catching up almost every week through Skype to keep the family bond alive. It felt good, even though my mum's overbearing need to know I was safe sometimes made me feel like a five year old.

_I'm fine, mum._

_Tonight's going to be difficult._

_Carmen is dragging me off to see her show._

_Tomorrow?_

_Say hello to dad and Bea for me._

_E._

I'd only just pocketed my phone again when a girl slid onto the bench next to me. "You're not from around here, are you?" she asked in her almost singsong Irish accent.

"Neither are you!" I chuckled, pulling a cigarette out of the packet with my lips before offering her one.

"No, thanks! I quit a few months ago," she muttered, shifting a little further into the corner.

"Do you mind if I light up?" I asked, keeping the flame at a tortuously safe distance from my smoke.

"Go ahead," she shrugged. "You look like you could use a smoke."

I chuckled, my eyes closing as I inhaled the sweet, burning fume. "You have no idea!"

"Tell me about it!" she grinned, settling more easily onto the bench. "Between the stress of wrapping up my end-of-term projects and my mum nagging about when I'm coming back home, I don't think I could have picked a worse time to stop smoking!"

"I can imagine!" I chuckled, my eyes closing as I sucked in another mouthful of hot, burning smoke. "So what's an Irish lass like you doing in a place like this?"

She grinned, her lips pulling into a flirty smile as she looked at me. "Do you have an hour?"

I sat back and shrugged as I took another drag from my cigarette. "I've got all day."

I found out the girl, Siobhan, had ended up in Barcelona as part of an exchange student program and was currently wrapping up her year abroad. She attended the art school that happened to be housed in one of the buildings lining the courtyard and had wandered out in between classes to find me snapping pictures and looking all thoughtful and interesting and I, in turn, found it surprisingly easy to talk to her. Almost too much so.

"Do you want to go get a drink or something?" she asked, her body so close to me she was almost sitting in my lap. "I know a great place nearby…."

I knew Bella would have laughed if she'd heard her speak but that was just the thing…..Bella wasn't here. She was never going to be 'here' again. At some point in my life I'd have to accept that and start living again.

"Yeah," I muttered, ignoring the stab through the heart my words brought me to feel. "I'd like that." Maybe it would help me finally move on and forget…even though I really didn't want to.

I followed her through the narrow streets of the Raval, across the Rambla and down the even more narrow streets of the Gothic Quarter before she stopped in front of a quaint looking café, my mind completely numb as she ordered some of those donut-like breadsticks and molten chocolate and directed me towards a free table somewhere in the center of the room.

_Bella would have loved this. In fact, I don't think I would have been able to drag her out of this place once she found out about the local specialty of churros and chocolate._ I smiled in spite of myself, imagining the look on Bella's face as she scooped up her first mouthful of the gooey, chocolate goodness.

"Just wait," Siobhan smiled, scooting her little metal chair closer to mine as the waiter brought us our treats. "You're in for the taste of a lifetime."

I somehow managed to smile and feign interest as she talked, dipping my _churro_ into the cup of thick, liquid chocolate and eating mechanically without ever really tasking anything; the shards of conversation I did manage to pick up on telling me she was a nice girl, smart too, probably the kind of girl I would have certainly put the moves on a year ago. She was cute and fun to be around….But she was no Bella.

"What's the matter?" her green eyes were veiled as she stared back at me. "You look like you've just been handed your death sentence!"

I shrugged. "It's a girl." I didn't offer anything else, knowing what effect my simple statement would have. And it wasn't even a lie.

"Oh." As expected her face fell, her hands clenching a little tighter around her _churro_ as she dipped it in her bowl of chocolate. "I didn't know-"

_And just like that, I became an even greater arsehole than I already was. _I shrugged. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, really," she replied, her voice a little shaken. "I should have known a bloke like you would have a girlfriend."

I didn't feel the need to correct her and we parted ways not long after that, the look on her face telling me I wouldn't be seeing her again. Which suited me just fine.

After that I just roamed the streets, unfazed by how I was ever going to make my way back home as I tried to not feel guilty about what I'd almost just done and not to think of her too much…..and failing entirely. She was everywhere, her innocent happiness following me in every church or museum I entered; the memory of her doe-like brown eyes and chocolaty hair in every brown eyed, brown-haired woman I saw. There were a lot of brown-haired girls here. Too many. _I might have done better moving to Sweden instead of Spain. _

I walked around aimlessly, letting myself get thoroughly lost in the narrow streets and alleyways of the Barri Gotic or Gothic Quarter of Barcelona, sometimes snapping pictures or wandering inside one of the many little art galleries but mostly just letting my feet take me wherever they lead until the sun started to dip low on the horizon.

"I'd better get back," I mumbled at no one in particular, the doves I had been feeding the remnants of a snack I'd bought along the way scattering about wildly as I got up from my stone bench, the late-afternoon sunlight casting the front façade of the Santa Eulalia, Barcelona's magnificent cathedral, in such a magic glow that I had to stop and take a few shots of it before I went back on my way, praising the trusty Barcelona tourist office for putting up signs that brought me safely back to the Ramblas in time to meet up with Eleazar.

"Edward!" Eleazar greeted me with a warm smile on the steps in front of our building. "So you've decided to join me after all?"

I chuckled apologetically, returning his one-armed man hug. "Sorry I'm late. I got lost."

"It happens to us all!" he laughed as we took off back in the direction of the Ramblas and the Liceu underground station. "How was your trip?"

"It was good." I smiled, my mind transported back to the unique sounds, smells and vista's of the cities I'd visited along the way.

On our short ride to the Plaça d'Espanya and slightly longer trek up the Montjuïc, I gave him the highlights version of my trip, Eleazar nodding as I talked and sometimes interjecting when I touched on something he'd seen on the news.

We reached our final destination before I even had time to look around, a sturdy, almost castle-like gate looming up in front of us. "What is this place again?" I wondered, remembering Carmen had told me something about it back when I'd just arrived but the finer details having slipped from my mind long since.

"It's called the Poble Espanyol," Eleazar explained, "it's like a model village incorporating building stiles from all over Spain to show the people visiting the 1929 International Exhibition an idealistic image of traditional Spanish architecture."

He smiled, pausing his tale to greet the people guarding the entrance and usher us through the front gate. "Of course it turned out to be such a big success, and not just with the international crowd but with the locals as well, that they decided to keep it instead of destroying it, like they'd planned."

"They wanted to trash this place?" I asked incredulously, looking around the pretty streets and the big square in front of me.

He nodded, leading the way. "It was never meant to remain beyond the exhibitions, just like the _Mies van de Rohe_-house we passed along the way, but both places turned out to be special enough to be spared."

"And the _tablao_ is somewhere around here?"

"Through here," Eleazar nodded, pulling me into a little side streets lined on both sides by white, picturesque houses. "It's the perfect spot, no?"

He laughed when I nodded, overwhelmed by the beauty of the place. "Come on! It's just about to begin!"

We were ushered to a small table on the balcony, Eleazar chatting amicably with the waiter as he put an array of small plates carrying a variety of _tapas_ as well as a decanter of _sangria_ in front of us, the spread identical to that on most of the tables that filled the spacious café-style room.

"Have you ever seen a flamenco show before?" Eleazar asked, his voice switching from English to Spanish with the familiarity of a man who'd grown up with an English mother and a Spanish father.

I shook my head. "I'm very curious after what Carmen told me about it."

"Just wait until you see her!" he grinned proudly, pouring two glasses of wine as he popped a piece of fried squid into his mouth. "She's…she's quite spectacular."

"Is this where the two of you met?" I wondered.

"No," he shook his head, a small smile on his lips. "We grew up in the same neighborhood and went to the same school, even though it took me until the final year to work up the nerve to ask her out. She was pretty magnificent even then."

"I can imagine that!" I chuckled. Carmen was the kind of woman a man went out of his way to keep happy because you just knew that if you ever pissed her off, you were going to be sorry for a long, long time.

"She was a dancer even then," Eleazar went on. "It's in her blood. Her mother used to be a dancer, quite a famous one, actually , and I think her grandmother was as well."

"They're gypsies, right?" I remembered Carmen saying something about that.

Eleazar nodded. "A lot of famous flamenco artists are. I think the gypsie blood in Carmen is very faint, thought, but don't tell her I said that!"

"I won't," I chuckled.

Just that moment the lights were dimmed and the stage door opened to a troupe of musicians, singers and dancers that occupied the stage, a slow, dragging drumbeat setting off the show as my eyes flickered over to Carmen; transformed into something almost otherworldly in her bright red dress. I barely even recognized her.

All too soon everyone in the room was swept away on the pulsing beat of the drum, supported by the frantic melody of guitars and voices, the dancers taking turns showing their skills as the others stood to the side, cheering for the performer or clapping along to the music.

It was impossible not to be drawn into this almost sensual game, the dancers feeding off on the energy the musicians created as they, in turn, let the dancers guide their rhythm and tempo, creating almost a symbiotic relationship between music and movement that had me rapt from minute one.

Every single artist on their own was amazing but the dancers…These weren't the frail, ethereal little creatures that whispered all around the stage like the women in those ballet performances mum had dragged me and Bea to when we were still too young and naïve to object (though I'd seen Black Swan so now I knew that ballerina's in real life were scarier than Freddy bloody Kruger). These were proper women who'd kick a man in the bollocks before they'd let him decide their future or even stand in their way.

"It's quite something, isn't it?" Eleazar grinned as, all too soon, the show came to an end and the audience erupted in a loud, enthusiastic applause.

"Yeah," I nodded, still completely dumbfounded, as I took a large gulp from my glass. Throughout the show I'd forgotten to eat, drink and sometimes even breathe.

_Bella would have loved this. _The thought popped into my head before I could stop it, wrapping me in sadness again as my mind started to come up with Bella; eyes wide and mouth slightly open as she drank in some historical artifact or ancient building.

"Just hang around here," Eleazar stopped me as I started to rise, just like the rest of the crowd. "We're sticking around for the after party."

I nodded, lagging behind as the artists started to trickle back out from the stage door once the place was empty, figuring he'd probably want a few moments with his girl without me hovering all over the place like a third wheel. _I would. _

I sighed, downing what was left in the decanter as I stared into the crown, the dancers still very recognizable even though they'd traded their bright dresses for 'normal' clothes. As much as I loved staying with Carmen and Eleazar and was grateful for the fact that they were willing to put up with mopey old me, my jealousy at seeing them together, smiling and kissing and being in love, sometimes almost drove me mad.

"Why are you sulking in corner?"

I snickered, trying to hide my shock when Carmen appeared from out of nowhere, flopping down gracelessly in the chair previously occupied by her lover. "I was giving you guys some space?"

"Really?" she smiled knowingly, popping a leftover piece of sausage into her mouth.

"Yes," I answered, tightening my eyes. "Really."

"_Ara_," she sighed, "are you going to treat me like grown woman now and tell me what matter is or are you going to be miserable forever?"

I chuckled. "Is this the part where I pour out my heart over smokes and that girly wine you're serving me?"

"Sangria," she chided me, sparks of amusement dancing in her eyes, "and I could always get you a beer if you'd prefer that."

"Yeah," I nodded teasingly, "if I'm going to be spilling my guts then the least you could do is get me a decent beer."

At least she got me some half-decent German brand instead of the local brew because I'd tasted that stuff and it tasted about as good as the Italian beer I'd had to get used to. The Mediterranean definitely was no place for beer lovers. "Thanks."

"So," Carmen spoke, her voice so friendly it cut straight to business as she sat down across from me, "Heidi tells me you were with a good woman who loved you but you ruined it. Why is that?"

I swallowed, almost choking on my beer. "Heidi…_told you_?"

She smiled, giving me a moment to catch my breath again. "She and I are friends. We talk. What did you think?"

"I don't know!" I groaned, taking a few deep breaths as well as a few big pulls from my bottle. _Air and booze; man's recipe against calamity. _"Fuck! This is all so bloody confusing, even without you women ganging up on me!"

"My wise old grandmother always used to tell me…..how do you say it in English….." Her hands flailed along wildly as her thick, black brows furrowed in deep thought before a look of triumph crossed over her face. "Nothing risked, nothing won?"

"Nothing ventured nothing gained?" I offered, feeling an odd sense of déjà-vu. _That sounded an awful lot like someone I knew…._"Wait a minute, have you and Angela been comparing notes?"

"Angela?' she frowned, pinching a cigarette from my stash and sparking it up like she'd never done anything else in her life. _Non smoking house my ass!_ "I do not know this Angela."

"She's a friend of mine from Rome," I explained. "She used to tell me the same thing."

She shrugged. "Then she's smart woman, like me, but what are you going to do?"

I growled, a few people looking up in alarm as I slammed my beer down onto the table. "I don't know, alright?" I wasn't like I didn't appreciate Carmen's attempts to get me out of the mindset I'd become locked in but the thing was that every attempt at doing so, whether by her or me, only left me feeling more and more frustrated and further from a solution than I'd ever been.

Carmen never moved a muscle apart from the eyebrow that arched as she stared me down, slowly blowing smoke from between her red, pouted lips. It would have been the stuff of wet dreams if I hadn't been so fucking frustrated…..and taken. "Wrong answer."

"What?" This time it was me who ended up being bloody confused.

"I think you know exactly what you want to do, but you don't have balls to do it," she stated, calm as day.

"Didn't you listen to a bloody word I told you?" I cried, wishing nothing more than that it would be as simple as just growing a pair and making everything right again. "I walked out on her, there's no chance in hell she'll ever take me back."

"And you won't take risk of hearing her say that to your face so you both end up miserable and alone," she finished in her own broken English, shrugging as if it was a done deal.

"You don't know that," I snapped, lighting a new cigarette as I snuffed the old one. I might end up being miserable and lone for the rest of my life, but not Bella. Not her. She was going to meet a new man – a better man – and be happy. She _had_ to, as much as I had to be alone forever because the sheer thought of moving on to someone else made me even more miserable than thinking about her living her life and forgetting about me.

"I am gypsy woman, knowing future…it is in my blood," she chuckled. "Is like dancing." And with that she rose from her chair, her skirts falling around her legs like a wave crashing ashore as she turned around gracefully, extending her hand out to me. "Join me?"

"And make an arse out of myself in public?" I snorted. "No thank! I'll pass."

"You English are no fun," she pouted, her face pulling into a bright smile as one of the dancers took up the spot that had been offered to me and carried her off into a dance that defied all laws of common physics.

It was like a duel but not one fought with weapons or fists. This was a duel of strength, of grace…of power.

As I watched her, the words she'd just spoken to me started playing out in my head over and over again, their message getting a little less outlandish with every time I replayed them.

_I could call her._

_No. Even if I could somehow recover the digits I'd so meticulously erased out of my phone, my address book and everywhere else….This wasn't something you could do over the phone. Then again, how else could I come into contact with her?_

_Heidi. _

I smiled, my hands taking my phone out of my pocked almost before I could make the conscious decision to do so, my feet carrying me out of the building and into the little alleyway as I waited anxiously for her to pick up.

"Finally!" her familiar voice growled.

I frowned, dumbly checking the display to see if I had the right number even though I knew it was her. "What?"

"Do you know how long I've waited for you to make this call?" Heidi sneered. "I was almost beginning to lose hope!"

"I-I didn't…..You _knew_ I was going to call?" I stammered.

I could almost see her epic eye-roll even though I was hundreds of miles away. "Everyone who's ever seen the two of you together knew you were going to make this call," she stated. "I just don't understand why it took you so fucking long to get your head out of your ass and pick up your damn phone to do it!"

"So do you think….." I started nervously, a tiny spark of hope alighting in my chest. I almost didn't dare finish the sentence in fear of what Heidi's answer might be.

"I can't help you with that, Eddie," she sighed. "Even if I wanted to. You're going to have to take this leap all on your own. And it better be good."

I cringed. "I know. So-"

"You want to know where she is and with whom?" Heidi interrupted me with an amused snicker.

"Err….yeah?" I confirmed cautiously.

"Meet me at the Alton Hotel in central Prague, tomorrow at four," she barked, stern again. "Be there, _on time_, or you're on your own." Before I could say something, the annoying beeping sound sounding from my phone told me she'd already hung up.

_Right_.

It was only seconds later that her message hit home and I realized that I had to be in bloody Prague tomorrow at four in the afternoon, which told me I didn't have time to dick around over here. I had to take some bloody action.

It took me a few moments to find Carmen, her red dress barely visible between the crowd of dancers and random admirers she was talking to. "I…err-" I started.

"Have to get home to find flight out of Reus?" Carmen finished for me with a knowing smile. "Just give a minute. We'll come with you."

The next couple of hours passé din a blur of booking tickets and waiting endlessly….in my room until it was time to leave for the airport…at the airport until it was time to board the flight…in the plane until it finally touched down somewhere near Prague…

A mad dash around the city in the back of a Czech taxi cab later and I found myself in the lobby of the Alton hotel, finally asking the question that had been playing on my mind since yesterday night.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Heidi snorted as I wrapped her up in a hug, my body doubling over as she punched me in the gut. "Someone had to pick up the slack left by your 'scheduling conflicts'!"

"Oh!" I frowned. _So Heidi was the one Jane picked to replace me? _"But you…."

"Aren't a photographer?" she smirked. "I know but hey, how hard can it be to take a bunch of pictures?"

She grinned, watching my face pull into a scowl on cue. "Jane likes my work, by the way. She thinks I'm no you but, in her words, 'I will do for now'."

_Yeah, that sounded like something Jane would say._ "So why am I here?" I cut to the chase. I knew Bella had a visit to Prague coming up but I also knew that it had been scheduled for last week, when I'd been up to my eyeballs in Arabic revolutionaries.

"You'll see," she answered mischievously, pulling me into an elevator, her hands brushing her clothes back into place as she looked at me, completely serious. "So this is the place where I tell you that you hurt Bella, a sweet girl who never deserved any of this, worse than a man should ever hurt a woman."

I groaned, though not because I didn't think I deserved her scolding. "I know."

"The way you handled this stuff, even apart from the fact that, for some bizarre reason, you kept me and Tanya a secret from the woman you proclaimed to love, was about as wrong and fucked up as a man can get, and still people wonder why I'm a lesbian!"

I chuckled, even in spite of myself, my laughter dying in my throat under the withering glare she send me. "Sorry."

"But I can see that you're suffering almost as bad as she is," Heidi went on, the elevator dinging open to reveal a generic hotel corridor, "and for that – more for her, mind you, than for you – you deserve a chance to at least try and make this right again."

My heart thudded a little faster in my chest, my lips dry as I forced out the words I hadn't allowed myself to even think over the last couple of weeks. "You think…"

"If you mess this up again – that is to say: _if_ she lets you close enough to be in a situation to mess up again," Heidi went on as if she hadn't heard me, "I'm going to let Tanya do all the things she swore she'd do when you left her to pick up the pieces and comfort that poor girl…"

Heidi's eyes narrowed as she glared at me, a small hint of a smile playing on her lips as I swallowed audibly. "…and if you ever hurt her again, I'll kill you myself," she stated, not waiting for a reply as she knocked on one of the doors. "She's all yours."

I frowned, not getting what she meant unstill she stepped aside and I was looking straight into a shocked, beautiful face; one I once thought I'd never see again.

She gasped, her eyes wide and glassy as one hand clutched her heart, the other moving to her mouth. "Edward?"

And for the first time in weeks I could draw a full breath, my lungs filling gratefully as I stared and breathed. "Bella."

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_**Oooh! What do you think/wish Bella will do?**_

_**Thanks so much for reading. As always, reviewers will get teased. **_


	32. The City of a Hundred Spires

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Jadsmama deserves my undying love and gratitude for putting up with my wonky words and making them pretty. Love ya!**_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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_**I must have listened close to a hundred times to INXS's **__**Never Tear us Apart**__** while writing this chapter (and watched the video a lit too, since it's set in Prague, like this chapter. The other song that served as inspiration for this one (and the whole story, to be honest) was Interpol's **__**The Undoing**__**. **_

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**Chapter 29 – The City of a Hundred Spires**

_**Where I put my newfound strength to the test. **_

"Bella."

For a few moments I stood, shaking on my legs and my mouth hanging open in a way that probably didn't look too smart.

He was here.

He came.

For me.

My heart fluttered, the beats leapfrogging over one another for a moment as I basked in the fact that he was here and everything was going to be okay again. He was here. Finally, he was here, fighting for me…for us. And then I remembered.

I remembered what it had left like to wake up in a strange room in a strange town and realize that I was all alone.

I remembered what it had felt like to find out how thoroughly he'd severed his ties to me, up to the point where I couldn't even find out if he was okay or lying in a ditch somewhere, bleeding out of his eyeballs. (Elapsed time had made my imagination no less vivid)

I remembered the scathing lecture on professional behavior Jane had given me before she'd thrown me out of her office, little over two weeks ago, remembering me I was on a strict deadline to pull her new favorite pet back into the fold or else…

I remembered all of that and the combined pain of all those memories together made me more pissed off that I could ever remember being in my life.

So I slapped him.

And judging from the sound of flesh hitting flesh and the sting of my hand afterwards, I hit him pretty hard too. _Wow, that felt good!_ _I guess something of dad's self-defense training must have stuck after all. _Charlie would be so pleased to know.

"Bloody hell!" Edward gasped, his eyes filled with a mixture of pain and shock as he rubbed the side of his cheek.

If I hadn't been as angry as I was, I would have probably found the look of his face very amusing. Being as it was, though, I didn't. "You deserved that!" I scowled, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"I know! I know!' he hastened to pant. "It was just a bit...unexpected, is all."

"Right. Unexpected." I bit my lip, my one hand eager to lash out and hit him again just to make sure the message had 'hit' home the other wanting nothing more than to wrap myself around him in a sort of marmoset hold and never let him pry me loose again. I hated myself for it; both the strange penchant towards violence and the way in which, after everything he'd done to me, my body and soul still longed for him…his touch…his love.

"You can't blame a guy for hoping," Edward shrugged, cramming his hands in the pockets of his well-worn jeans as he hovered in the hallway, hopping nervously from one foot to the other with his eyes trained to the carpet.

"Hoping for what exactly?" I frowned. "I mean….after what you did, you couldn't very well expect me to fall into your arms just because you showed up here to do…what, exactly?"

"Explain?" he offered. I could feel that he'd been dying to say something else but decided against it at the last moment.

_Probably for the best. If he would have said 'make amends' I would have floored him there and then, even if I'd probably break my hand in the process._ I snorted as the visual of Edward squirming on the hallway floor as I nursed a broken hand flittered into my brain, the harshness of the sound causing Edward to look up in confusion.

_Right. I was still angry with him._ I sucked in a sharp breath, trying with all my might not to notice the way his vibrant green eyes were looking more cautious and remorseful than they ever had or how the dark circles underneath his eyes mirrored mine.

_It will do you no good to give in. Not now, not ever_, my subconscious glared at me and so I pulled my shoulders back as I held on to my anger with everything I had, my voice surprising even myself in its sharpness. "Then explain."

The look on his face almost made me forget my resolve; the corners of his mouth turning down and his shoulders slumping forward as if I'd just knocked all the spirit out of him. I knew all too well what the feelings that went with that look felt like. I'd felt them more often than I could remember over the past couple of weeks.

"Can I…."

I swallowed my tears, forcing my eyes to remain dry as I looked up at him. "What?"

"Do you mind if we go into your room for this conversation?" he asked, cautiously as if he was afraid I was going to slap him again. _Which, come to think of it, may not have been such a strange thought._ "Or….or if you don't want me in your personal space – which I could totally understand – we could go down to the lobby…..or some pub nearby….."

"My room will be fine," I whispered, not trusting my own voice not to betray me as I stepped aside, his familiar smell of worn leather, cigarettes and Edward causing me to wobble like some kind of drunk as he brushed past me. _Maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all…_

I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to give myself a fake sense of security as I followed Edwards gaze while it travelled around the room before landing on the big-ass suitcase in the corner. What would he think about the new and improved me? Would he noticed the changes I'd made to my wardrobe, my look and my…my _me_? Would he even notice?

As I followed his eyes, I tried to sneak in a few stealthy looks at him, noticing immediately the purple bruises underneath his eyes and the nervous twitch around his mouth. It were his eyes, though, that were completely different; more determined and alert and less…masochistic, was that a good word? It made me wonder what the past few weeks had been like for him. Had he done the same sort of soul-searching I had? And if he did, what conclusions had he come to? What were his plans? _Ugh! No more thinking about the 'what if's', Bella, or you'll give yourself a damn migraine!_

"That's a big suitcase," he finally muttered, his eyes somehow spellbound by the big, ugly contraption I'd somehow manage to jostle onto the luggage rack.

"I know!" I chuckled, my laughter combined with nerves sounding almost maniacal. "It's insanely big but it's been my one connection to home these last thirteen days and I….I guess I didn't quite know what to pack so I packed just about everything but the kitchen sink."

_Okay, so much for staying cool and collected. _I stalled, biting my lip to stop more word vomit from pouring out of my mouth. _He must think the heartbreak drove me insane….._

"Thirteen days?" Edward frowned, looking from me to the suitcase and back again. "I thought-"

I shrugged. "Change of plans."

"Oh."

I sat on the bed, my legs shaking as my nerves doubled every second the tense silence lasted. _Say something, you idiot! Anything, even word vomit!_ "I….err…That is to say…."

Edward shifted, his eyes looking hopeful as he leaned against the desk. "What?"

"Jane kind of sprung this trip on me," I rattled, the comforter scrunching up in big ripples of fabric as I balled my hands into fists by my side.

"She….she did?" Edward asked, feeling about as awkward as I did from the sound of it.

I nodded. "I came back from Rio to find all my plans had been changed and I was now going to cover three cities in fifteen days instead of the two I'd prepared for in twelve. Oh and did I mention the fact that she scrapped Casablanca for Athens and Budapest?"

"Shit!" Edward whistled, shaking his head.

"You can say that again!" I chuckled humorlessly. "So instead of having two weeks to recuperate, relax and write my piece on Rio, I now had to do all that while researching two new cities, arrange for contacts and photographers."

"Why did she put you on the spot like that?" Edward's cluelessness would have been cute if it hadn't been for the part he played in all of this.

And just like that I was reminded of the reason why I was currently on my boss' shit list. "Well…erm…maybe it had something to with the fact that she held me responsible for screwing up her little plan?" I sneered. _Rosalie would have been proud at the amount of sarcasm in my voice. _

"Fuck!" Edward groaned, hanging his head as his hands tore at his hair. "I'm sorry, Bella. I tried to explain everything to Jane in a way that had me shouldering all the blame but-"

"I guess you didn't do as good a job at that as you though, huh?" I muttered wryly. The saddest thing about the situation was that apparently Jane seemed to think that I was the only one who screwed up. Where I suddenly couldn't do anything good in her eyes, Edward was still very much a favorite with her, something she never ceased to remind me of.

"You didn't deserve this," he muttered, his fingers twitching by the pocket I knew held his smokes as his shoulders slumped forward again.

"You're damn right about that." I shrugged. "But that doesn't stop it from happening, does it?"

"I never meant-"

"I know," I interrupted him, knowing whatever he had to say would only make me feel worse even if it was meant to make me feel better.

"I'm so sorry."

"I'll live," I shrugged again, my damned pride kicking in. I wasn't going to act like the pitiful little victim. Not again. Not anymore. I was a grown woman able and willing to bear the responsibility for her actions not matter how heavy they'd weigh on my shoulders. "Besides…Jane's mind games are nothing compared to what Alice has been putting me through."

"Alice?" He looked up, his face so boyish and confused that for a moment I forgot my anger. _I had loved this man. So much. I still did, no matter how hard I was trying to deny it. My heart still fluttered in my chest every time he looked at me._

I chuckled. _Out of all the things I'd told him he picked my cousin?_ "She's getting married in a couple of days."

"To Jasper?"

I scoffed. "Of course to Jasper? Who else?"

He shrugged. "It seems awfully fast."

I chuckled, knowing that had been the same first though I'd had when she told me the news. "It may seem that way but…." I took a deep breath, forcing myself to look up at him instead of looking down, "but they love each other and they are absolutely sure about this. Who am I to doubt them?"

"If you put it like that…." He smiled and for a moment I wondered if, like me, he was thinking about what it would have been like if we had followed that same route.

I had. _God help me, I had. _

With Alice wanting my input on nearly everything and so cramming all the planning for her wedding – at least, the little details their Vegas wedding package hadn't taken care of – there had been no escaping it. There had been color schemes to pick out, menu's to formalize and, of course, the very important task of picking out the perfect dress. And in all of that she'd insisted on getting my input even if I'd assured her more times than one that I wouldn't feel left out in the slightest if I had to wait until her wedding day to see the dress.

Sipping coffee until I was almost tripping on caffeine overload while waiting for Alice to get in and out of dress after dress until she'd found the perfect match, my mind had often drifted to dreams of what might have been had it not for fate coming between me and Edward. _Would he really have moved to New York? What would it have been like? Would we have taken the same route as Jasper and Alice?_

"Anyway," I sighed, my heart throbbing painfully as I dispelled the thoughts from my head. It did no good to let my mind linger on things that would never happen anyway, in spite of the fact that he was finally here. Hope would only lead to more heartbreak. "Ally's been running rampant for the past couple of weeks, making sure everything and everyone that plays a part in her wedding looks perfect which, unfortunately, meant that she's been dragging me off for gym visits and spa appointments every spare moment I had."

Edward nodded, his brows pulling into a frown and he studied me intently. "Now that you mention it…you do look different."

I rolled my eyes, my hair whirling around my shoulders as I shook my head. "You're such a guy!"

He smiled apologetically. "Sorry…I had a lot of stuff on my mind, I guess. I like the hair, though. It looks…different." His hand twitched nervously by his side as his eyes roamed over me with an intensity that made me squirm.

"Thanks," I muttered, running a hand through my still very new shoulder length hair. "It's much more practical." And it suited the 'new and improved' me. Not that there was any need for him to know that. Yet.

In fact, the haircut had been one of the few items in Alice's _Bella 2.0 master plan_ I'd insisted upon, much to Alice's frustration since she had this grand vision of an elaborate up-do for me which would never work with half my hair ending up on the hair salon floor.

On this, though, there had been no budging, even if it did mean that I had to give Alice free reign in picking out my new wardrobe on top of a promise to get out on the dance floor for at least one dance during her reception. I guess that meant that the entertainment part of the wedding was taken care off as well because no one who'd seen me dance – and she had, on several occasions – could ever call me graceful or even steady without turning into a big fat liar_. I was definitely a Swan only in name. _

"So…" Edward let his voice trail off, his fingers again hovering over the outlined packet of cigarettes in his jeans pocket.

I sighed, the awkwardness of being in this room with him and not quite knowing what to say even though I'd had this conversation in my mind over a hundred times during the last few months made me squirm uncomfortably on the bed. "Yeah."

Was this what we'd been reduced to? An awkward pair of exes who seemed to only be capable of carrying a conversation when it was about trivialities or things that touched neither of them? What happened to the old version of us? The 'us' that were so close that our love could be stretched across an entire ocean and still hold strong?

"I don't…" Edward started, his fingers now tapping against the jean-clad packet as he ran his other hand through his messy hair. "Shit, this is bloody hard."

"_Tell me about it."_ I didn't realize I'd spoken the words out loud until Edward's chuckled filled the air.

"Aren't we a sorry lot?" He shook his head, his mouth twitching as he smirked at me.

"I guess we are," I smiled wryly, breathing in a much-needed unrestricted breath now that the tension had somewhat dissipated. "How about we get out of here?" Maybe it was the room; the fact that there was a big, neatly made bed, within striking distance of both of us that made this so awkward. Or maybe it was just that I could smell him and almost touch him if I extended my arm far enough. Maybe we needed the distractions of the streets to keep our minds clear.

"Get out of here?" Edward frowned, looking like he wasn't entirely sure what to think of that.

I nodded. "It's not that I don't want you here but…well, right now I'd rather be anywhere but here, in a hotel room with nothing but four white walls and ugly watercolors to distract us."

"I can see why that might be a good idea," he agreed. "So what do you have in mind?"

"We could take a walk? The weather's still good," I suggested. "Besides….I know you're dying for a smoke and if I have to sit here and watch you twitch around like a junkie in detox for another minute, I might commit a felony."

"And we wouldn't want that, would we?" It was hard not to let myself get caught up in Edward's crooked grin and the way his eyes lit up with humor. _And when I say hard, I mean damn neigh impossible. _

I let out a deep breath, leaning my forehead against the door as I pulled it shut and listened as Edward's steady gait slowly moved away from me towards the elevator. How was it that after everything that happened and all the soul-searching I'd done over the past couple of weeks there was a part of me – and a big part at that – that wanted nothing more at this moment than to drag him back into that room and let him ravish me well into the night.

I'd never figured myself to be a masochist but apparently…

I shook my head, trying to gain some sort of clarity. I shouldn't want to go down that route but it was just…I didn't know how to stop myself; I didn't know how to quit him.

"Thank God!" Edward groaned, sparking up a cigarette after an excruciatingly awkward ride in the elevator and a short, hurried trek across the hotel lobby.

I chuckled, shaking my head as Edward and his cigarette experienced heir mutual moment of bliss. "And still they keep saying that heroine and cigarettes are two completely different things."

"They are!" Edward mumbled around his cigarette. "I'm not shooting this into my veins or buying my supply from some kind of shifty punk in a back alley."

"No, you're just incinerating your lungs while most of the world stands by and does nothing to stop you." I shrugged, shaking my head as he took another lengthy draft from his smoke. _Dear God, I'm sounding like my dad. Please stop me before I grow a mustache and develop an unhealthy love for televised sports. _"But if you want to kill yourself….by all means, go ahead. Who am I to stop you?"

"You're everything." His face was suddenly serious, the intensity of his gaze making me take a step back. "Just say the words, Bella, and I'll stop…at least, I'll try. I'll do anything-"

I looked down, not wanting Edward to see the vulnerability in my eyes. I wasn't ready for that yet. "Let's just walk?"

I didn't wait for him, my feet setting off in the direction Heidi had taken me before; back towards the bridge and the castle. I knew he'd follow, my subconscious sensing him beside me well before his footsteps fell in with mine as we walked on in a perfect silence.

Perfect but so heavy with unspoken truths and reproach that not even the beauty of Vltava River and the Castle behind it could lessen it.

"I thought you were here to talk?" I almost cringed at my own meanness. _Again, if Rose were here she'd be so proud. _

"I was…I mean, I am," Edward stammered. "It's just….."

"Hard?" I offered, not daring to look at him for fear of what my eyes might betray.

His voice sounded slightly unsteady and heavy with the same stuff I was feeling. "Yeah."

"Well, try harder," I huffed. "I can't be more difficult than what you put me through." Even if it was the truth, I still felt like a bitch for saying it, knowing the effect my words were going to have. For all the pain he'd caused me, I still couldn't bear the thought of hurting him, the stitches that held my heart together slowly tearing open as the old wound that had never truly healed started to bleed again_. I missed him._ No matter how much I kept telling myself that it was wrong and that I should be angry with him or, at the very least, running away before I did something stupid like forgive him, I just couldn't.

"I'm sorry."

And just like that we were back to square one; his shoulders slumping forward and his face halfway hidden behind the collar of his coat and a few locks of unruly bronze hair hanging in front of it.

"Look, I know you're sorry." He looked up, his shock at my sudden boldness making me chuckle. "What? I figure that if you were patting yourself on the back for getting the hell away from the nagging American woman you wouldn't be here right now, would ya?"

He shrugged, the faintest of smiles on his lips. "I guess you're right about that."

"But we have to talk," I went on," we have to get this over with or we'll never be able to move forward…in whatever direction that may be."

"You're right….Of course you're right," he muttered, his voice barely audible over all of the riverbank noise. He looked nervous, the weight hanging on this conversation pressing as heavily on him as it did on me. "It's just….I don't know how to begin. There's so much I want to say to you…so much I want to explain. But I don't know how."

"Why not start at the beginning?" I offered, shrugging apologetically at the look he gave me. "Hey, you asked me a silly question so don't be all surprised and indignant if you get a silly answer! But if you really want a place to start…" I took a deep breath, forcing the words out of my mouth as I spoke. "Why did you never tell me about Tanya and Heidi?"

"I wanted to," he started, his voice hesitant as he chose his words carefully.

"But you never did."

"I was scared."

I looked at him, my head tipped sideways as I scrutinized his face, finding only truth in his expression. "Why?"

"I didn't know how you'd react." He shrugged. "I knew you'd probably have no problem with my friendship with them but the rest…"

"And you were afraid that my meeting them would lead to me finding out," I mused aloud as Edward struggled to find the right words to continue his explanation.

He nodded. "There were so many times I wanted to tell you. I never wanted you to find out the way you did but-" He sighed, his hand running that all familiar path through his hair. "Somehow the words never did come out."

"Did you-" I paused, now very careful in the selection of my own words. "Did you really think I was going to break things off with you if I found out that you once contemplated being Tanya and Heidi's sperm donor?"

"I couldn't be sure." He smirked, jamming his hands in his pants pocket. "I didn't want to risk it I-"

"Do you really think I'm that shallow?" It wasn't meant as an accusation even though I was well aware that might be how Edward would take it. Still, it had been the one question that had kept on haunting me since that disastrous night.

"No!" The ferocity of his denial startled me a little, his hand on my shoulder sending butterflies all through my veins. "It's just that after what happened with Chelsea…I wasn't sure how you were going to react and…..I would have done anything if it meant that I could prolong the inevitable."

_Just as I feared. _I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hold fast to the fact that this came as no surprise to me. I'd figured out some time ago that I at least shared some of the blame when it came to our downfall. _Still, to hear the words spoken aloud….it stung._

"But then why did you take me to that party?" I asked. "You _knew_ they were going to be there so you knew there was a big risk of me finding out the truth. It doesn't make sense."

"I couldn't refuse. I-" He took in a deep pull from his cigarette, holding the smoke in until he needed to breathe, the act giving him some time to think things over before he went on. "The more she found out about you, the more insistent Tanya became in her wish to meet you…And a big part of me really _wanted_ you to meet them. I wanted you to know everything about me…and I do mean _everything_. I just didn't want to lose you."

He shook his head, smiling wryly. "I know Tanya well enough to know that if I wouldn't have taken you to that party, she probably would have showed up at our hotel the next day and the risk of you finding out….I figured it was probably safer for the two of you to meet at the party."

"But why didn't you tell me beforehand?" I insisted. "You knew there was a chance-"

"I tried!" Edward's anguished words interrupted me. "I tried a million bloody times but every single time something happened or someone interrupted us just as I had worked up enough courage to speak the words."

I nodded. Thinking back on my days with Edward as I had been doing every day since our breakup. I knew there had been times when he had been on the verge of saying something but for some reason…didn't. "You said just now that you were prolonging the inevitable," I wondered, mulling over his words in my brain. "What did you mean by that?"

He remained silent for so long I started to doubt whether he'd heard me at all, our quiet footsteps taking us all the way up to the castle before he spoke. "It means…." He paused, lighting another cigarette (I really started to wish I'd told him to quit when I had the chance). "It means that from the very beginning I always expected us to fail."

"Why?" My words came out about as desperate as I felt, my mind boiling over with questions, confusion and, if I was being honest with myself, a whole lot of anger.

He kept his eyes firmly on the ground, his voice low and ridden with guilt as he finally spoke. "Because it was too good to be true."

His words hung between us for a few seconds, my mind trying desperately to process them. "So you never thought-"

"I hoped," he explained, his voice laced with sadness, "but no, I never thought you'd stay with me once you knew the 'whole' me."

"I lov…..I _loved_ you," I gasped, my suddenly overcome with emotion though my mind caught up with me just in time before I spoke words that would make me vulnerable. _Too vulnerable. _

"I know," he sighed. "But I always knew you deserved better than me. I figured it was only time before you caught up and decided I wasn't worth it."

His words devastated me. All this time, all those lovely days and nights, he was just waiting for us to fail? "But then nothing that happened between us…mattered? Did it mean anything to you?"

"It meant the world to me!" he breathed. "Being with you….it was the best thing that ever happened to me! You made me want to be a better person and break free from the weight that had been holding me down for years."

I shook my head, angrily wiping the tears out of my eyes. "I don't understand. Why-"

"I never lied about my feelings for you. Bella," he went on. "I love you and I think I will keep on loving you until the day I die….I just never thought you could feel the same way for a guy like me."

"Edward…you're _everything,_" I cried. "All the things you just said…they were just as true for me. Why wouldn't I love you just as much as you loved me?"

Edward looked utterly deflated, his cigarette hanging listlessly from his mouth as his eyes were kept studiously on the sidewalk. "I don't know."

"Was that-" I swallowed, wincing as my dry throat made the whole process somewhat painful. "Was that why you left?"

He nodded. "Deep down inside I knew it was inevitable but…I knew you were going to break up with me after what I'd done but I couldn't wait around for you to actually say the words." He shook his head. "I'd prepared myself for those words ever since we got together but when it came to actually hearing them…I couldn't. It would have broken me. It _did_ break me."

And just like that, my anger was back as I remembered what it had been like that morning, my hands balling into fists by my side as the desperate urge to punch him – again – started to take over. "Did it ever cross your mind that maybe I wouldn't _say_ those words?" By some herculean effort I was able to keep most of the venom out of my voice.

Judging by the look on his face he hadn't, his eyes shocked and confused as his head whipped sideways, catching my glare head on. "W-what?"

"I was angry, yes, but I meant what I said that night" I went on. "I just needed time to cool off and get some perspective. I never wanted that to be the end. Not that night…not like that."

"You….you weren't going to break up with me?" His voice sounded hoarse, his eyes still wide with disbelief.

I shook my head. "It was because I didn't want to say or do anything too…final that I walked away that night. I knew that with the way things were going…we were both beyond reason and I was afraid…I was afraid that if I'd stay one of us would say or do something that would end us and so…so I left." My voice trailed off as I shrugged bitterly. "Much good did it do us."

I sighed, watching a pebble I'd absentmindedly hit with my shoe skid along the uneven surface of the street. "I guess we both failed at being what the _other_ needed that night."

We walked, both going back to silence as each of us tried to process the new information and work out what it meant as our feel traveled along the cobbled, ancient streets of the city; places that had held my rapt attention earlier that day when I visited them with Heidi now only serving as a backdrop for my troubled mind.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Edward finally spoke, his lead taking us to a small, less crowded side streets off the main road leading through the castle complex. "I'm so sorry. I never should have left you behind, no matter what I thought might happen. I knew I made a mistake as soon as I got into that train….or maybe even before that…."

"But still you left," I muttered.

"But still I left," he repeated solemnly, "and there's nothing I can say or do that will undo what I did that night even though God knows I've wished a million times that I could turn back the clock and do it differently."

I sighed. "I wish it were as simple as that."

"So do I." He nodded, his eyes as sad as mine as we both mourned the loss of 'us'.

Onwards we went again, both lost in our own minds until the silence once again became too heavy to bear and the questions my mind wanted answers to too loud to ignore. "If what you say is true and you regretted walking out on me…..why didn't you contact me?"

It was one of those things my mind just couldn't place about the way he'd acted then and now; his current regret being such a stark contrast to his past behavior that I had difficulty trying to decide what to believe.

"I may have hated myself for what I did to you that day," Edward explained, "but that doesn't mean I never meant what I said in that letter. I want you to be happy and I thought…I thought it would be easier if I stuck to my initial decision and just disappeared from your life, I thought it would help you move on."

"You thought-" I balled my hands into fists, trying to stave off the overpowering rage that bubbled up inside of me, dying to burst out like a volcanic eruption. "That's what this is all about, isn't it? That's your problem! You think you can go about making unilateral decisions about the two of us without ever stopping to consider how that makes _me_ feel."

"I never-" He stammered, obviously taken aback by my anger. "I never wanted to hurt you, Bella. I only ever tried to do what I thought was best."

"What _you_ thought was best?" I cried. "How do you think it feels to wake up in the morning and realize that the man you loved and trusted has walked out on you like a thief in the night? Do you have any idea what I've been through for these past couple of weeks with Jane blaming me and my unprofessional behavior and threatening to fire me if I didn't rectify the situation? Or what it was like for me to live with the memories of the days we spent together without even knowing if you were still alive?"

Edward stumbled, almost as if I'd hit him with my hands instead of with my words, his eyes slowly darkening as my words hit home. "Well you don't know what it feels like to have this one good….perfect thing in your life which you want to hold on to more than you ever wanted anything in your life but to know that it's only time before you screw it all up," Edward howled back, "because all you've ever done in your life is screw up the good things!"

"You're right," I snapped back,. "I don't know what it's like, because you never let me get close enough to find out!"

"Neither did you!" His answer stung even though I knew it was the truth.

We'd both failed; each other as much as ourselves.

I cringed, letting the air slowly leave my lungs. "I guess you're right about that."

"So where does this leave us?" he asked, looking part hopeful, part scared to death as we trudged side by side through the picturesque little 'Golden Street' with it's mishmash of brightly colored houses.

"I don't know," I muttered. And truthfully I didn't.

If anyone would have told me two weeks ago – or even yesterday – that I would be contemplating rekindling my relationship with Edward I would have laughed at them to their face. As unlikely as it seemed that Edward and I would ever come face to face again, I had been convinced that if that unlikely event ever came to pass, there would be too much 'wrong' between the two of us to ever make right again. And there was.

Hearing Edward's account of what happened and where things had gone wrong between us, I still had a lot of doubt in my mind on whether or not I could trust him to break my heart again the next time we hit a rough patch.

I also wasn't sure if I could keep myself from making the same mistake I had the first time around. But still…

"Talk to me, Bella," Edward's voice broke through my constant stream of thoughts, his hand shakily reaching towards me before he thought better of it. "Please…I want to make this right again….more than anything. I want to earn your trust again and make you see that I can change for you…for _us_. But you have to help me out here."

"I don't know!" I was getting pretty close to hyperventilating, the ferocity of all the conflicting emotions swirling around in my head and my heart completely overwhelming me. "I want to believe you but then again there's part of me that wants-"

"To hate me?" he offered.

"No!" I shook my head. "I've never wanted to hate you, not even when I was at my angriest. I just…." I took a shaky breath, trying to retain some level of calm while I spoke. "I want to feel safe and I….I'm not sure if I can…with you."

He nodded, the sadness in his beautiful eyes stabbing through my heart. "You're not sure," he finally spoke, "but does that mean…"

"I don't know," I replied honestly. "I _wish_ I knew."

"I'm glad you don't."

I looked up, more than a little surprised by his answer. "You're…glad?"

He nodded, his boyish chuckle making my heart skip at beat. "At least now I still have a chance fight for you as I should have done that night. I made the worst mistake of my life that night and that letter….It was the blackest form of blasphemy because in it I not only betrayed my feelings for you but also showed just how utterly unworthy I was of your love for me…your trust in me. I want to make it right again, Bella. I came here with no hope or expectations but now that I am…I really hope you can give me a chance to show you just how much I've learned from my mistakes; how I can be a better man."

His words managed to conjure a smile on my face, my lips curling up before I even realized it. "I guess when you look at it like that…"

"Look," he was serious again, flinging the butt of his umpteenth cigarette in the gutter. "I know you probably need some time to mull this over and take stock of your own feelings…"

I blushed. _He knew me so well._

"…and to be honest: I could use a break in the heaviness as well." He shrugged almost apologetically. "So why don't we call Heidi and see if she wants to join us for supper? We could talk later if you're up for it?"

"Sounds like a plan." I could feel relief unknotting my shoulders. It would certainly be good to spend a few hours just relaxing and being around him without all of our…issues weighing us down.

**oOo**

"You look…er…nice." I swallowed hard, trying my utmost not to drool as I met up with Edward in the hotel lobby about an hour and a half later. Apart from the fact that I now suffered from a killer of a tension headache, I was no closer to finding a solution that would make both my head and my heart happy than I had been when Edward and I had separated to get ready for dinner.

"Thanks." The bashfulness in his smile made me wonder if he might be as nervous as I was. "So do you, by the way. You look…" the look in his eyes spoke volumes as they roamed over me and I could already feel the tell-tale heat flaming from my cheeks under the intensity of his gaze. "_amazing_."

I laughed, brushing a few imaginary specks of dust from my dress. "Alice will be happy to know that all her hard work hasn't gone unnoticed." Come to think of it…Alice probably wouldn't be too happy that Edward had been the one to notice all of her handiwork but that info was on a strict need-to-know basis.

I could feel my cheeks pinking up as his intense green eyes wandered appreciatively from head to toe, my confidence soaring with the obvious approval. "You really look….different. It suits you."

I shrugged. "I might have done some soul searching off my own over the last couple of weeks."

"You did?"

"Hmm," I hummed, my hands shaky as I brushed a few non-existent specs of dust off my dress. _Why was it that I could make my mind up to be nothing but cool, collected and guarded in the privacy of my own room but all of that flew out the window the minute I set eyes on him? What kind of strange voodoo was that man playing at and would he mind sharing his powers with me? They'd come in mighty handy for my next meeting with Jane. _

"And did you discover anything important?" I wasn't fooled by the lightness of his tone any more than he probably was by mine.

"I decided I wasn't going to hide anymore," I muttered. "I've spent most of my life being afraid and because I was, I've been missing out on so much important stuff; selling myself short as well as the people around me."

"You didn't-" Edward started.

"I did," I interrupted him. "And because of it I never really gave you a chance."

I took a deep breath, shaking my head as I kept my eyes trained to my shoes. "You may have been convinced that we would never stand a chance in the long run but at least you tried. Me…I was too afraid to even hold out hope in the first place." _There. I'd said it. _

Edward's brows furrowed in thought. "What are you saying?"

"Maybe both of us are guilty of sabotaging what could have been amazing." I shrugged. "Maybe we just weren't ready for such a big commitment yet."

Edward looked like he was going to say something but the arrival of Heidi cut short whatever words were going to going to be spoken.

"There the two of you are!" she smiled, her lightheartedness immediately expelling the tension. "Well, if the two of you are done making goo-goo eyes at each other, let's go eat! _Ich bin ausgehungert_!"

I almost snorted out loud by her misinterpretation of the scene she'd stumbled across. We'd been doing anything but make goo-goo eyes at each other. At least….not when she arrived.

"Okay, where are we going?' I offered, looking from Edward to Heidi, knowing from experience that one of them was bound to know a 'great place nearby'.

"There's this nearby just off the Old Town Square that offers some great live music?" Heidi suggested. _Bingo! I knew it!_

"Then let's go there!" I happily agreed, feeling the effects of all the walking I'd done that day in my empty stomach. "Edward?"

He shrugged, nodding his approval as Heidi held out her arm and linked it with his as we set out in search of the restaurant, his free arm silently and almost thoughtlessly linking with mine before either of us could stop to think about it.

If felt….good. _Real_. More real than anything I'd felt since that night in Berlin. Except maybe for the pain and longing that had been my trusty companions until he appeared from out of the blue.

I liked it.

If Heidi had been surprised when we called her she didn't 'show it, her easy company banishing the last of the awkwardness between us as we sat down for dinner at the cozy but surprisingly spacious cellar restaurant, the mellow jazz-tones creating a relaxed atmosphere as we waited for the waiter to bring out our food.

"So, Edward," Heidi asked, a mischievous look in her eyes as she nipped from her wine glass, "did your mother take you shopping while you were in London or did Carmen's care extend to your wardrobe?"

_Carmen?_ I frowned, trying to remember if I'd heard that name before, Edward's hand folding over mine on top of the table before my thoughts could turn too violent.

"She and her boyfriend offered me a place to stay in Barcelona," Edward explained before turning back to Heidi, his thumb languidly stroking my skin as he kept his hand on top of mine, the comfort of his touch making my body hum with contentment. "_I_ bought it, actually." He chuckled at Heidi's doubting look. "And before you ask: no, I didn't rob a bank."

"So things are going good?" I felt as proud as Heidi did as Edward nodded. "That's so great Edward! You definitely deserve it."

He shrugged shyly. "It's no goldmine yet but it sure makes paying my way a whole lot easier."

"And you decided to blow it all on some fancy new clothes," Heidi chuckled, shaking her head.

"Not all of it," Edward grinned. "Besides, with the way things are going I'm going to have to look presentable, you know….for all the schmoozing."

"Ah, yes," Heidi cringed. "The schmoozing. How could I forget? So did you pick all of this out on your own?"

"What do you think?" Edward countered.

"Hmm," Heidi's eyes shone with mischief as she let her eyes travel over Edward's outfit. "I think your mother has some excellent taste."

"I'll let her know," Edward laughed, taking a big gulp from his beer. "I'm sure she'll like to hear that."

"Thank God!" Heidi breathed, jokingly placing a hand over her heart. "I was beginning to think that maybe you and Bella might not have such a glorious future in store for you after all! It would have been really _unglücklich_ if I'd braved the wrath of my _liebling_ only to find out you'd switched teams on me!"

"Never!" Edward called out, his hand tightening around mine as he glanced sideways at me. "There's only one team for me."

"Let me guess: Team Bella?" Heidi joked, her eyes shining with mischief as she trailed her index finger along the rim of her wine glass.

For a moment I held my breath, my shoulders tensing as I anxiously awaited his reply. For some reason I wanted – no _needed_ – him to say the words and acknowledge to the outside world that it was true; that he really did want me. Even if I wasn't entirely sure what it was that _I_ wanted. _Ugh! Why did all of this have to be so confusing? Why couldn't I just decide one way or the other and find some way to magically forgive him or cut him out of my heart once and for all? Why did he have to make me feel and fall in love with him all over again? _

Edward nodded, heat flashing to my cheeks as he lifted our joined hands to his lips before letting go, his attention back on Heidi. "Tanya doesn't know, huh?"

"Nope," Heidi smirked. "Nor is she going to; not about my help _or_ about this wine I'm drinking."

"Let me guess," I grinned, "Tanya happens to think that if she's not going to be drinking any alcohol, you shouldn't either."

Heidi nodded sadly. "And it's not even like I'm some kind of lush or anything I just…..I miss my little glass of wine."

I chuckled at her downtrodden look. It was quite similar to the one my brother had sported the last time I'd seen him on Skype. "You and my brother should get together and start a support group!"

"Maybe we will!" Heidi joked. "Alcohol-deprived anonymous…..I like the way that sounds."

Edward shook his head as he smiled. "By the way, what does Tanya think about you gallivanting across Europe with Bella? Knowing Tanya I can't imagine she'd like being left on her own for so long."

"You're right," Heidi nodded. "So it's a good thing she isn't."

"Heidi just flew in," I explained, snickering at Edward's confused look. "Jared took the pictures in Athens and Budapest."

"Jared?" A fierce anger flashed over Edward face. "Since when is that fucker allowed to cross the Atlantic?"

"Since I suddenly found myself without a photographer." My answer was maybe a little harsher than I intended it to be and the look of shame on Edward's face only confirmed that. Yet, it was the truth and a truth I wasn't going to gloss over. "Jane didn't want to take the risk of hiring some random replacement and…." I shrugged. "I've found out that if you don't bother the guy too much he's not that bad."

In fact, after our painfully candid conversation in Rio I'd pretty much gone out of my way to avoid the guy, which appeared to be something he appreciated enough to award me that same courtesy as well as keep the sneering down to a bare minimum on those unavoidable occasions when we did have to be in the same place at the same time.

In the words made immortal by Jane Austen: _I found that I could bear the solitude very easily._

Indeed.

"He had to go back to the States after the Hungarian leg of our trip, though," I continued, "so I asked Heidi if she could step in."

"And seeing as I was right in between jobs and could do with a change of scenery to bring me new inspiration I said yes," Heidi added.

"Liar!" I jested. "You told me you only agreed so that you could get away from Tanya and Peter for a few days!"

"That too,' Heidi admitted with a shrug. "Those two together….they can get on your nerves after a while."

"Don't I know about that!" Edward huffed, finishing his beer. "Is he going to stick around once the baby is born?"

"Who knows?" Heidi pursed her lips, brushing her long blond hair behind her ears. "With Peter he could stay with us for the next three years or he could wake up one morning and decide he wants to move to….I don't know…Uzbekistan become a yak-herder."

Edward nodded. "Yeah, that sounds like the Peter I know."

"But enough about me and my crazy family," Heidi went on. "How about the two of you? Do you hate me for springing this reunion on you?"

I shook my head, knowing the question was intended for me. "No. I….I think I'm glad it happened."

Edward's hand squeezed mine and, looking sideways, I was just in time to catch a smile so relieved and radiant that it made my poor, tormented heart leap in my chest a little, my treacherous mind already coming up with way premature scenarios for a happily ever after. _Too much. Too soon. But God, did I want it…even if I wasn't quite done being pissed off. _

"Good." Heidi looked rather pleased with herself as she sat back, making room for the waiter as he put our desserts in front of us. "And have you made any progress?"

That was a harder question to answer. If progress could be measured just by getting certain things out in the open, then yes, we had made tons of progress. I finally knew what it had been that had made Edward leave that day and what had happened to him ever since. But when it came to the future...nothing was set in stone.

"We talked, " Edward answered, looking at me before he went on, Heidi listening attentively as we cued her in on what we'd discussed earlier that day.

"If you want my opinion – and even if you don't want it because I'm going to give it to you anyway," Heidi chuckled, taking a sip from her wine, "the thing that's been bugging you isn't your lack in conversation – even though both of you have seriously dropped the ball on that one…."

She chuckled, watching a guilty look emerge on both our faces. "It's the fact that for most of the time there's a _verdammtes_ ocean between the two of you. You love each other, one would have to be blind not to see that, and even though you have some serious _scheisse_ to work through and Edward still has an awful lot of ass-kissing to do before you can even contemplate forgiving him…" At this she shot a pointed glare across the table at Edward. "…you'd both be mad if you walked away now, knowing neither of you can be truly happy without the other."

She nodded, digging into her dessert as she waited for recognition to set in. "If you're asking my advice – which probably you won't but, again, I'm going to give it anyway – the one thing you're going to have to figure out somehow, is how to bridge the gap. Everything else will work its way out from there."

"This is not something you should decide today or even tomorrow," she spoke softly, looking from Edward to me, "as long as you keep discussing it and remain aware that in order to move forward, it's going to have to happen."

She let her words linger in the air, probably knowing we both needed some time to mull them over before we'd even be ready to discuss them together, let alone communicate and answer.

I knew she was right, though, and judging from the look on Edward's face, he knew it as well.

If we were going to make this work between us, we had to find a way to bridge that one big gap before we could even think about eradicating the smaller ones.

"Soo…." Heidi drawled, breaking the silence after a couple of minutes had passed. "It looks like it's time to go." Looking around me I realized that while we had been eating and thinking, the music had fallen silent and the restaurant was nearly empty. "Are you still on for a night on the town?" she asked, grabbing her coat from the back of her chair as I moved to settle the bill.

_Shit_! I blushed remembering how, in the whole spirit of being Bella 2.0, I promised Heidi to tag along to this club she wanted to try out that night. In all the commotion it had completely slipped my mind and with the way I felt at that moment…there was only one place I could foresee myself going and that one had a bed in it.

I shook my head. "Would you mind if I sat this one out?"

"Not at all," she chuckled, placing her hand on my arm. "I figured that with everything going on you're probably wiped out. Edward will see you safely back to the hotel, won't you Edward?"

He nodded, my heart doing that fluttering thing again when he silently helped me into my coat. Trying not to let it get to me I scrapped my throat, focusing my attention on Heidi. "Will you be alright on your own?"

"_Schätzchen_, in our circle you're never alone," she smiled, ruffling my hair. "The bohemian crowd is scattered all over the world and as long as you know where to go, you're bound to run into a few familiar faces."

"Say hello to Sasha and Demetri if you see them," Edward requested, confirming Heidi's statement as he helped her into a cab.

Heidi nodded, saying something I couldn't hear before kissing his cheek before the taxi sped off, leaving the two of us standing on the sidewalk.

"You look like you're dead on your feet," Edward smiled, his hand on the small of my back guiding me back across the square towards our hotel.

"I think that just about covers how I feel," I grimaced my feet feeling like they were made out of lead. "I'm sorry. I guess that puts a damper on our plans."

"Don't be." His hand tightened around my waist as we walked past a group of what my dad would have called 'punks' hanging out near the statue of Jan Hus in the center of the square. "I have no desire to go off to some party on the odd chance of finding a few people I might know. I'd rather be with you than anywhere else."

I sighed happily, snuggling deeper into his hold even though the rational side was screaming at me not to do it. _To hell with reason!_ Breathing in his spicy, masculine scent and feeling him all around me I felt protected even when there probably wasn't much of a threat coming from the handful of gangly looking kids.

We rode the elevator in silence, Edward only stepping away when I was safely standing in front of my open door, awkwardness setting in again as we stood there, neither of us wanting this to be the end yet.

"So I guess this is goodnight," I muttered, feeling an odd sense of déjà-vu.

Edward nodded, cramming his now idle hands into the pockets of his pants. "Yeah…I guess so."

"I'll see you tomorrow?" There was part of me that still believed this was all a dream; that there was no way Edward could really be standing in front of me, wanting to make amends. It was that part that also believed he would be gone in the morning. _Just like before. _

"Bella." I sucked in a sharp breath when he was suddenly right in front of me, his hands hovering in mid-air as if they were going to touch me before he dropped them again. "Now that I'm here, sweetheart…now that there's hope, there is nothing that could make me leave. Not again. _Never_ again."

The breath I'd been holding left my lungs in shaky gusts, my legs suddenly feeling incapable of supporting my body as I grabbed hold of the door handle. "Good…" I muttered. "That's...good." Part of me still had a hard time believing him though deep down inside I really, really wanted to. I guess I just needed some more time and a whole lot of reassurance before I was ready to believe that he wasn't going to run off on me again. But I wanted to try.

"Good night?" Once again he looked unsure, his body inching forward as his eyes flashed to my lips.

My heart sped up, my tongue moving to wet my lips before I could even think about it. _Was he going to kiss me? Would I be alright with that? Would I stop him? Would I kiss him back?_

My eyes widened as he slowly inched closer, the gap between our bodies almost bridged when a door opened noisily on the other side of the hallway, breaking whatever spell we had been under.

I bit my lip, feeing oddly disappointed as he took a deliberate step back, his eyes closing as his hands fists into his hair. When he opened them again, I could see that he was back in command, his voice steady when he spoke. "Sleep well, Bella."

I smiled, trying not to give in to my disappointment as I stepped into the room. "You too, Edward."

I leaned back against the wood as soon as I closed the door, trying desperately to find out what the hell was going on and how I was ever going to handle all of it. I'd wanted him to kiss me….so much. But what did that mean? Did it mean that I was starting to get ready to forgive him? To forgive myself? To get back together?

Edward was back and wanted to make amends and proof that he deserved a second chance and, if I was going to be truly honest with myself, the question I was dying to answer wasn't so much whether I was going to let him but more how long I was going to let him stew before I took him back. Because no matter how much doubt I still had, I knew that was where we were headed.

But I also knew that Heidi had been right. If we wanted to stand a chance at having a future together, one of us was going to have to move. If we went on the way we had, it would be only time before one of us – or both – would fall back into our old flaws and we would start back on the destructive path we had been on before. The problem was, though, that right now both our jobs required us to be on either side of the Atlantic.

I groaned, closing my eyes as I banged my head against the door; soft enough not to cause a concussion but hard enough for the pain to numb my thoughts. It was only then that I realized that I'd heard no footsteps or closing doors after I'd entered my room. And how could I have? When I was alone in my room and Heidi hadn't returned to hers yet.

Where had he gone?

My question was answered as soon as I opened the door, my frantic heartbeat settling down as soon as my eyes met his. _Edward_.

He was sitting, his back against the wall across my door, his hands playing with an unlit cigarette, a guilty smile appearing when he looked up to see me standing in the doorway. "I'm just waiting for Heidi to get back," he answered my unspoken question.

"But that could be hours!" I cried. "Why didn't you go with her?"

"Because I didn't want to," he answered. "I told you: there's only one place in the world I want to be and that's right here, with you."

My response died on my lips when I caught his eyes, staring at me with a honest sincerity that completely floored me. _He was telling the truth. He wanted to be here, not just because he didn't want to go with Heidi but because he wanted to be here…with me. _

It was amazing how sometimes you could talk to someone for hours and never quite realize what could be conveyed in one simple look. _He loved me. He really did. _

It didn't erase the scars he'd left behind – only time and the careful resurrection of the trust that had once existed between the two of us – nor did it give us the answers to some of the difficult questions that still stood between us but in that moment…in that moment, it was enough.

"You'd better get in then," I muttered, stepping aside.

His shocked look soon morphed into incredulity as he gazed at me, his mouth opening and closing silently for a few times before he spoke, knowing this was about so much more than allowing him to hide in my room until Heidi got back. "Bella….are you sure?"

I nodded, trying to appear more confident than I felt as he walked into my little sanctuary, his fingers slightly grazing the palm of my hand as he brushed past me. "I'm sure."

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_**Thoughts?**_

_**Happy Thanksgiving weekend to all those who celebrate. May your days be filled with love and amazing food and your dirty dishes be handled by someone else ;-)**_

_**I've contributed a oneshot (though at almost 50k in words I'm beginning to wonder if it still qualifies as such) to the Fandom Gives Back. It's my take on the fairytale of Snow White and, being the historian I am, I've tried to keep it as historically accurate as I could. If you want to receive the compilation containing my story and those of many other amazing authors, please go to thefandomgivesback (dot) blogspot (dot) com to find out how to donate. **_

_**Thanks so much for reading. As always, reviewers will get teased.**_


	33. The City of Sin

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Jadsmama deserves my undying love and gratitude for putting up with my wonky words and making them pretty. Love ya!**_

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_**As always, pictures of all sights, people, clothes and vehicles mentioned in this chapter can be found on my blog. You can find the link on my profile page.**_

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**Chapter 30 – The City of Sin**

_**Where penance was paid and love emerged triumphant. **_

"You look weird." Rose's eyes narrowed as if she was somehow going to magically develop a sort of x-ray vision that would allow her to see right into my soul.

"Well, hello to you too!" I chuckled, remembering only at the last moment that Rose didn't hug. Ever. Although after what I'd seen her do at the Children's Cancer Benefit I wasn't so sure her strict 'no touch, no talk, no eye contact-policy' was still in place.

"You still look weird, though." Rose's inquisitive gaze was back as soon as she'd greeted me back. "And don't think I didn't catch on to your little evasive action just now, missy. I'll get the truth out of you one way or another!"

I snorted, rolling my eyes as I wriggled my suitcase out from in between a pair of luggage carts. _Damn lazy assholes clogging up the airport when they only had one small carryon case!_"I just got off a gruesome eleven-hour flight. I think even Anna Wintour would look weird after that!" I knew what she meant, though. I _did_ look different. I'd seen it myself in the mirror of the airport bathroom when I'd been freshening myself up after my flight. I looked _happy_.

Even though I knew there was still a hell of a lot Edward and I had to discuss and work through before we could even think about being together again, I knew it was only a matter of time. There was still a part of me that was incredibly pissed off at him for doing what he'd done to me and a different part that could scarce belief all of this was real but deep down in my heart I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that _this_ – trying again – was worth the risk. I'd tried to find my own happiness without him over the past couple of weeks and I'd even thought I was doing a pretty good job of it too, but the moment I saw him I _knew_. I knew there was no other person in the world who could ever make me feel the way he did.

Complete.

"Don't let Anna hear you say that!" Rose chuckled, silently holding out her hand to take my carryon bag as I dragged my suitcase behind me.

Grinning I followed her through the airport, trying to dodge my fellow travelers and their luggage as best as I could but ending up with a sore ankle and a developing bruise on my left elbow anyway before Rose managed to secure us a cab.

"God, you weren't kidding!" Rose gasped as I nursed my sore elbow in the back of the cab.

"I told you!" I shrugged, covering the bruise with my sweater. "Me and airports don't mesh well together. With just my luck I'll end up in hospital one of these days and piss Jane off even more for wasting valuable time and money by being mortal."

"She's not that bad," Rose defended her boss.

"Seriously?" I arched my brow.

"Okay, so she's been a little bitchy with you latterly," Rose grudgingly acknowledged, " but put yourself in her shoes: she has to keep this magazine afloat in economic hard times and with the powers-that-be constantly trying to stint on her budget. Of course she's not going to be happy when things go pear shaped. Would you?"

I sighed, shaking my head. "But that doesn't give her the right to pick on me like she has lately."

"Maybe not," Rose shrugged, "but you know as well as I do that everything she says and does is for a reason. And has she ever been wrong?"

Once again I grudgingly shook my head. _No, as unreasonable as some of Jane's words and requests had been, I had to admit that in the end she'd always been right. _

"Besides," Rose went on, "she's under a lot of stress lately. Aro's up to something – something big – but none of us has been able to find out what. Jane wants to have all her tracks covered just in case."

"And she told you all of that?" I paled, wondering if Aro's grand plan involved me. _If Jane found out…._

"Yeah, and then we did each other's nails and listened to Britney's new album," Rose snorted sarcastically. "Of course not! I'm her assistant. I'm walking in and out of her office all the time. Jane has to really put in some effort if she wants to keep something hidden from me!"

"Oh." That was all I could say, really.

"Uh-huh," Rose nodded, her eyes slowly narrowing as they zoned in on me. "So, back to you. How was Europe?"

I swallowed hard, trying to come up with an answer that came close enough to the truth without giving anything away. "Europe was…..good?" I smiled, unable to stop myself as I thought back on the past few days. Yeah…it was pretty dam good.

We'd never done much, just walk and talk and visit sights like we used to do before everything blew up in our faces. After our discussion that first day, we went back over everything that had been said, working through each other's issues, worries and fears meticulously and during long, sometimes tense and difficult conversations that lasted throughout the day and well into last night.

It had been all we did, both of us very aware of the two day deadline that was looming over our head. There was so little time to work things out and we both felt, very urgently, that if we didn't manage to do so before I had to board my plane, it would probably be too late. It was now or never, sink or swim, do or die.

And we _did_.

Edward surprised me with the way he finally truly let me in, showing me himself in a way I'd never seen him and without that sense of self-hate that used to go along with his sparse revelations. He'd grown so much over the past few weeks and he was really trying to let me see that; trying to let me see that he was worth the gamble.

And I saw.

I saw in him the man he'd always wanted to be…the man I wanted more than anything I'd ever wanted in my whole life. The man I wanted to grow old with.

We hadn't done much else than talk, both of us knowing it was still too soon for anything but conversation, stealthy sideways glances and, sometimes, tentative touches that meant so much more than just a hand brushing along yours. We were starting all over again, learning all over again, but this time with a sense of realism and resolve that kindled the hope that we would make it through this.

We _had_ to.

"Belllaaaaaaa!" I looked up, shocked out of my thoughts by a pale hand waving in front of my eyes. _Ah, yes. Rose. _

Of course I should have known that my evasive actions were like a fresh trail to a gun dog. Her eyes narrowed as, once again, her superhero I'm-gonna-look-straight-through-you look was back. "Something happened, didn't it?"

"Of course something happened!" I tried to pay it off lightly. "It's not like I spent the last two weeks lounging around the house in a track suit!"

"No." Rose shook her head, her eyes glistening with an almost fanatic urge to know. _Oh brother!_ "That look…You met someone, didn't you?"

If only she knew. "I may have," I muttered, knowing that even if I had been any good at lying, I still wouldn't have been able to fool Rose and her magnificent bullshit detector.

"Oooh!" Rose appeared almost giddy, her body shifting towards me as she squealed. Yes. Rose squealed. If I'd have been a doctor this would have been the point where I'd called in a psych consult. "Tell me everything!"

"And why would I?" I growled, the strain of the past few days and my own need for secrecy suddenly catching up on me. "It's not like you shared every fucking development in your love life with me?" I knew it was a low blow but still…it felt too soon to share the revival of my relationship with Edward with my friends, especially knowing the shitstorm that would most definitely ensue.

Besides…both Edward and I had been very hesitant to even define what we were at the moment. Deep down inside I knew without a shadow of a doubt just what I wanted to call him in my heart but outwardly…it seemed almost too dangerous to put a label on it at the moment.

A look of hurt flashed over her face before she was in command again, immediately making me feel bad about lashing out like that, even if I'd spoken nothing but the truth. "I-I'm sorry, Rose," I stammered. "I didn't mean…."

"No," she sighed, placing her hand on my arm. "I guess I deserved that." And with that she angled her body away again, her eyes gazing out at the city and the slow increase in flashing lights and casino's as we headed towards the illustrious Vegas Strip.

"So….they send you to come get me?" I asked, trying to break the uncomfortable silence that had landed over us after my little outburst.

"Send me?" Rose snorted, tearing her eyes away from the window to look at me. "I volunteered!"

"You volunteered?"

Rose snorted at my incredulous look. "Jeez, Bella! How long have you known me?"

I frowned. "About three years?"

"And in those three years have you ever known me to be interested in any kind of girly wedding crap?"

_Ah. Now why didn't I think of that?_ "I guess…not?"

"You're damn right about that!" Rose growled. "I love your auntie Marie with all my heart and Jasper's mother isn't that bad either once you get to know her, but after enduring almost twenty-four hours of straight, never-ending wedding blabber I had to get away. It was either this or blow more money than I could ever justify to my accountant in the casino."

I snorted. "Well, I'm glad I still rank above the roulette table."

"Only by a margin, though," Rose snickered.

I fake-gasped. "Bitch!"

"What?" Rose pouted innocently. "Ever since the big Berlin disaster with He-who-shall-not-be-named Jane has been a total pain. I think she knows I'm consorting with the enemy."

"Meaning me," I smirked.

"U-huh," Rose nodded. "Face it, you broke Jane's shiny new toy so until she finds a new one, you're in the doghouse."

I sighed wistfully. "I used to be Jane's new toy…."

"Yeah," Rose replied, "and you know as well as I do that 'dear old Jane' has the attention span of a three year old when it comes to her pet projects."

"Then let's hope she finds a new one soon," I mused. In fact, it would be in all our best interests if she did…including the so called 'broken toy's'.

Thinking of Edward brought back the lump in my throat that had taken up position ever since we broke apart from our hug – or first proper attempt at body contact since Berlin - some fifty-three hours ago, soon followed by a sweet, chaste kiss as the sourly looking ground hostess tried to cut short our goodbyes so that the plane could leave on time.

I didn't think I'd ever curse someone for being punctual but…yeah, I did then.

As amazing as seeing Edward again and getting to talk to him about what happened and where that left us had been, a little over forty-eight hours as far too short to catch up on what had happened to us ever since that disastrous night and I walked away from him still feeling completely lost at sea though with the difference of there being a few blinking lights of a rescue boat on the horizon.

Because we'd managed to talk; _really_ talk this time. Because we both realized that there was still too much love between us to let what happened in Berlin be the end. Because he came back and finally fought for me – for _us_. Still, we were a long way away from being 'safe' and most of that had to do with the fact that we were still living on opposite ends of the globe.

Heidi had been right. We did deserve more than a romance that stretched out somewhere between airports and hotel rooms. We both knew it and I had a feeling that Edward was just as reluctant to go back to what we used to have as I was. It was just that getting to the point we wanted to be was going to be damn hard.

I wasn't fooled. Over the last couple of weeks I'd realized that I'd used up whatever credit I may once have had with Jane sometime between her finding out Edward and I were together and realizing that our breakup was starting to jeopardize her vision for the magazine. As it was I was happy to still be employed. Asking for favors would be…well, 'career suicide' were the words that sprung to mind.

And then there was Edward. Where he, as opposed to me, ironically enough came out of Berlin-gate completely unscathed and had only risen in Jane's high opinion ever since (which may have had a lot to do with the fact that she made quite a lot of money off of him nowadays) it was the nature of his work that gave me that nagging feeling that any requests he'd put in for a transfer to the States would be met with a resounding 'no'. At least….for now.

In a year or so we might have had a better chance but right now all of Jane's focus rested on breaking into the European market for which she happened to think that Edward and his incredible talent and way of capturing everyone's attention with a single frame were the entry ticket she'd been searching for so long. Once she had what she wanted she might be willing to bring him over to New York to cash in on his talent the way she'd done with Jake and Jasper but for now…no way.

And that was still going on the assumption that Edward _wanted_ to move to New York, which was something we hadn't really discussed all that much to be honest.

"You know, if you want me to back off you really shouldn't go about looking like you've just seen someone boil a litter of cute, fluffy kittens to a slow and gruesome death," Rose remarked. "It kind of forces me to be all compassionate and shit and ask you what's wrong."

I sighed, trying to push Edward and my confusing love life out of my mind. "Sorry."

"So…" Rose drawled, mercifully changing the subject, "you said your flight was gruesome?"

I nodded, happy to have the conversation back in safe waters. "The first part wasn't all that bad but on the London-to-Vegas leg of the flight I was crammed in between one of the most obnoxious little kids I've ever seen and a Martha Stewart wannabe who kept on commenting about every single thing the flight attendant put in front of her until I wanted to slowly smother her to death in her so-so Thai curry. "Sighing my mind was transported back to those disastrous hours, my loud, obnoxious neighbors nipping any attempts at quietly thinking things over in the bud. "Next time I'm so going to shell out for an upgrade."

"I told you so!" Rose sang as the taxi pulled up in front of Caesar's Palace. "Nothing's more annoying than flying coach." _Said the little Park Avenue princess who'd probably never even set foot in economy class in her whole damn life. _

"I still can't believe Alice is getting married here!" I muttered, feeling a little overwhelmed by the vastness and in-your-face opulence of the place.

"I know!" Rose chuckled. "I never would have pegged either of them to be the kind of people who did this but I guess Alice is right; between her job and his they don't have the time to plan a wedding, especially not with the timeframe they're working with.'

I nodded. "Still….I can't help but wonder if couple of years down the line she's not going to regret it. She always dreamed of having this big, lavish Oceanside wedding and this-" I waved at the huge stony mass in front of us "This isn't exactly it."

"The garden is lovely, though," Rose reassured me, tugging me and my luggage after her as we entered the lobby, "and I don't think I've ever seen Alice more happy. They both seem to really want this."

"I know." From the brief moment's I'd spent with her and our conversations over the phone I knew that once Alice had made a decision about her wedding, she'd been behind it one hundred percent. "I think she really did tell the truth when she told me that as long as she was marrying Jasper, it didn't matter where or how as long as it could be as soon as possible."

Our conversation was cut short when it was my turn to check in, the process of filling out forms and listening to the receptionist rattle off information that seemed to be almost universal to hotels all over the world as Rose arranged for my luggage to be taken up to the room making me even more tired than I already was.

"Can't I check out my room first?" I asked as I watched the bell-boy take off with my personal belongings. "I'd like to freshen up a bit before meeting the tiny-demon."

Rose smiled compassionately as she shook her head. "I'm under strict orders to deliver you straight into Bridezilla's hands; no detours and no dawdling, so that she can debrief you on the wardrobe situation."

"Debrief me?" I cried. "Jesus, Rose! You make it sound like it's some kind of military operation."

Rose snickered. "Belief me, Bells; Desert Storm has nothing on Operation Pixie Hitch."

"Great!" I groaned. Just what I needed after more than two weeks of being on the move. _Bloody Jane! Why did she have to ruin all my carefully crafted plans? If only I'd been able to stick to the original plan I would have had time to get home, regroup and fly to Vegas with the rest of the wedding party. But I wouldn't have met Edward…_I cringed; my little pity party disrupted as more pleasant memories flooded into my mind. _Nah, I guess Jane was right after all. _

Rose quickly updated me on the stuff I'd missed while I had been in Europe and the complete carnage I would walk into once the door to Alice's hotel room opened. "I believe she and the moms are having their nails done right now," Rose grimaced, recounting the scenes of horror that had made her flee all the way to the airport, "so if we're in luck they'll all be too scared to mess up their wet polish to get all touchy-feely on us."

"God, let's hope so," I breathed, sending a quick prayer up to the heavens for slow working manicurists and nail polish that dried at a snail's pace.

"Take a deep breath," Rose coached me, following her own advice as we stood in front of the door, her key card hovering right in front of the slot. "Let's go."

Unfortunately for us the manicurist seemed to be long gone and the nails dry, though the benefit of that was that auntie Marie and Jasper's mother had decided to head up to their own rooms to get ready for the get-to-know-you dinner they'd planned for the four of them (moms and dads) that evening while Alice and Jasper had their stag-and hen's nights (if you could call a separate night on the town for the two Whitlock boys and the tree of us that).

Which left only Alice.

"Ah, Bella! There you are!" she squealed, her body careening into mine before I could even registered that she'd moved from her spot on the other side of the room.

"Nice to see you too, Ally," I groaned, trying to keep us from tumbling down.

"Let me look at you…." she muttered, straightening her arms so that she could let her eyes wander discerningly over my body. "I see that two weeks of lounging about in Europe haven't taken their toll on you...good."

I bit my lip, trying to keep, myself from laughing or scowling at her rather thorough inspection. "Alice!"

"You look a little more tanned than you used to…but that's not bad," she went on, nodding absent-mindedly as her eyes slowly drifted upwards to my shoulders. "No, I think that's going to work out even better with the dress I have in mind...and OH MY GOD! YOU SAW HIM!"

I took a small step backwards, though really, who was I trying to kid. _How on earth did she know this stuff? _"I-I didn't-."

"Don't deny it, Swan," she hissed, her fire-breathing glare making her seem so much taller and scary than her tiny posture warranted. "I know you did and I'm not going to stop until I have every single last detail out of you so why don't you give us all a break and spill right now because we don't have that much time to waste."

"Alice will you please take a deep breath for me?" I chuckled, though my nervous cackle sounded more like something a hyena-in-distress would produce than an actual show of human high spiritedness. "You're starting to turn purple."

"You're not going to distract me," she warned, though she did take a few deep, calming breaths.

"I know," I smirked, "but I didn't want you to die from auto-asphyxiation either."

Her eyes narrowed as she tapped her foot impatiently against the plush carpet. "Spill!"

I sighed, knowing there was no escaping the truth even if I wanted to, which I was shocked to admit, I didn't. I needed to talk to someone about this and Alice…she'd always been my best friend and confidante. "Okay."

"What the fuck Swan?" Rose stalked forwards from her spot near the door, glaring daggers as she took her position on the sofa Alice and I had occupied. "_I_ ask you what's been going on and I get my head bitten off and _she_ asks and you're just going to tell her?"

"Yep," Alice answered for me, her impatience rolling of her in waves. "I'm magic. Now tell us all about it."

Trapped between two of the most persistent women I knew I had not other options but to do as I was told, their faces turning from shock to confusion and lastly anger as I told them about my surprise meeting with Edward.

"That jackass!" Rose growled when I finished. "He walked out on you because he was scared you'd do the same? You did kick him in the balls for that, didn't you? Please tell me you did!"

"I was sorely tempted," I chuckled, remembering my own anger and confusion when Edward had told me his point of view. "But no."

"Wimp!" Rose scolded me. "If I ever see that fucker, I won't be held accountable for my actions. Seeing what that lousy son of a bitch did to you he'll be lucky if he walked away singing soprano for the rest of his life!"

"And I'll personally take a knife to your shoe collection if you did!" I bit back, though I did have to admit that it felt nice having Rose in my corner. _Though she probably wouldn't be there for long if I told her the rest of the story. _

"So what are you going to do now?" Alice spoke. "Do you think you can trust him again?"

"I don't know," I replied truthfully. "It's going to take a lot of time before I can, that's for sure, but I know that I want to try. It's just…as long as we haven't sorted out the distance-thing we're pretty much stuck in limbo."

"You're forgiving that son of a bitch?" Rose growled. _Yep, she'd definitely left my corner again._ "What the fuck, Swan?"

"What else can I do, Rose?" I felt tears of frustration sting in the corners of my eyes, wondering what else I had to do to convince my friends that this wasn't a decision I'd made lightly or foolishly. This was _it_ for me and if not even they – two of the people who knew me best and had seen me at my lowest – could see it… "I love him, Rose. In spite of everything he did and all the stuff that happened between us…I still love him more than anyone in the world. He – he makes me feel whole again."

Alice nodded, silently wrapping her arm around my shoulder, Rose following suit soon after her. "We just want you to be happy, you know that right?"

I nodded. "I know and as strange as it may sound given what happened between us…he does. Being with him…it makes me happier than I've ever been in my life."

We sat in silence for a little while, all three of us lost in thought until I felt Alice's tell-tale leg bounce coming up, telling me that she'd been stationary for about as long as her ADD-ways would allow.

"So, what's on the menu for tonight?" I asked, figuring I may as well score some credit with my cousin while I could.

"We're going out. Didn't Rose tell you?" She send a quick glare in Rose's direction before checking the clock on the wall. "In fact, I expect you to be ready and waiting in just over an hour. I've made a reservation at this fab restaurant that you're going to love and…" I zoned out as she went on and on about the food and the celebrities that had tasted it before her, only realizing I should have probably paid some attention when I caught her looking at me expectantly.

"Err….what?" I blushed, knowing I was caught red-handed.

Alice merely rolled her eyes and slapped me, her efforts half-hearted at best_. I guess that meant that I would be wearing a sleeveless dress for the wedding and she didn't want me to end up looking like I'd gone four rounds against Mike Tyson. _"Just go get your clothes, Bella!' she huffed, pointing at a bulky looking bag hanging from the outside of a built in closet.

"Alice!" I groaned, noticing there was at least five dresses neatly crammed into the bag. "When I said you could pick out my dress for the wedding I meant _one_, not that you could pick out an entire new wardrobe of dresses I'll never ever wear again!"

"Pfft!" Alice huffed. "Just take the damn dresses and get changed, Bella. When _you_ get married you can nag at me all you want but this? This is my show."

"_If_ I ever get married," I corrected her, though I had to admit that the prospect of maybe, possibly ever getting married to Edward in the future made my insides turn to mush.

"_When_," she persisted, grinning knowingly at me before shooting back into commander-mode. "Now hurry the fuck up. I'm starving!"

"Come, Bella," Rose chuckled. "I'll show you to your room."

It didn't take us long to reach it because the whole wedding party had been put conveniently in rooms on the same floor, my own abode only five doors down from Alice's.

"I'll see you in an hour?" Rose suggested, leaning against her own door, across from mine.

"I guess so," I sighed. In an ideal world I would have loved to have an hour or so to take a nap but I knew that that was about the last thing Alice would have budgeted for.

"Oh and Swan?" Rose turned halfway inside the door opening to her own room. "I'm totally crashing in your room tonight. Emmett's not flying in until tomorrow and you know how much I hate sleeping alone." The door closed before I could say anything.

"Great!" I muttered, before opening the door and dumping my new dresses on the bed. I'd look at them later, right now I had other, more important stuff to do. _Like call Edward._

He must have been waiting by the phone or something because he picked up on the first ring, his voice sounding awfully far away even if the sound of it still made my heart flutter violently in my chest and my lips pull into a smile. "Hey."

"Hey." My smile widened as I sat down on the bed, leaning against the soft headboard as I let his voice wash over me. "I see you made it back in one piece?"

"I did," he confirmed, "and seeing that you're on the phone I imagine you did as well?"

"Barely," I chuckled, remembering how at one point during the flight I'd been contemplating both murder and suicide when the two people in the seats next to me tested the very limits of my self-control. "Did you manage to get any work done?"

"Some," he sighed, "but seeing as I shot a grand total of eight hundred frames – two hundred of which actually usable – in nine days I'm thinking that turning those into an eight-picture photo-report may be a tad harder than I thought it would be."

"Yeah!" I grinned. "I can imagine."

"And how about you?" he wanted to know. "Is Alice okay?"

"She's a total pain but what's new?" I laughed.

"Is she very nervous?"

"I don't think so," I replied, "but with Alice you never really know. She's excited to the point of wanting to dress everyone around her so that everyone will fit right into her color scheme on her grand day but I don't think her OCD stems from nerves per se."

"So basically she's just a big dictator trapped in the body of a small female," Edward surmised, the amusement in his voice warming me up from the inside.

"Yeah," I chuckled, "but I love her anyway."

"I wish I could meet her." He sighed, feeling the strain of our separation just as much as I did.

"So do I," I muttered, my yearning for him growing stronger with every minute we were apart. "Stupid Jane and her stupid deadlines!"

"Yeah," he grumbled. "Listen, I'd better get back to work. I have a lot of shit to do and the deadline's tomorrow so….." He let his voice trail off into an unhappy sigh, his reluctance to let go of the other matching mine.

"I know." I pouted, wishing – as always – that we had more time. "I'd better get dressed too before Alice barges in and drags me off to dinner wearing my comfy airplane sweats."

"Talk to you tomorrow?'

I smiled at his eagerness. "You bet on it! I don´t think Ally has anything planned before the big rehearsal dinner."

"I'll make sure I'll catch you before that," he answered. "Bye, love."

"Bye, Edward." I sighed; listening until the rapid beeping on the other end of the line told me he'd gone. _For now. _

As much as I kept rationalizing things, the absence of his voice still left me feeling empty, the strange room around me feeling more cold and hollow by the minute as I tried to keep the tears at bay. _I missed him. _

Trying to keep myself from yet another round of over thinking I quickly grabbed my toiletries from my suitcase and jumped into the shower, hoping a good old scrub would keep me awake and calm my mind enough to face the combined force of Alice and Rose at the dinner table.

Opening the garment bag I noticed that it didn't just contain dresses, it also held matching purses and shoes and even accessories. _Boy when Alice went all out she really did think of everything. Was there even any stuff left in the _Epicenter_ closet after she'd raided it?_

Perusing the contents I breathed a sigh of relief when I concluded that, though maybe a little bolder in color, the dresses were not as scary and revealing as I feared they may have been. In fact, they looked like the kind of stuff I would have loved to wear had I been born just a little bit more courageous than I had. And the shoes….they looked expensive, the labels listing names I'd only seen in magazines, but the heels were doable. At least, for me.

Noting I didn't have a lot of time left, I opted for a purple dress and matching black accessories, my hair left undone and only a quick fix of mascara before I was out of the door.

And just in the nick of time.

"Oooh! I'm such a genius!" Alice squealed the moment she saw me, clapping her hands and jumping up and down like Flipper on crack.

"I have to admit you did good, little hobbit," Rose nodded, her discerning eyes gliding over me. "It's nice to see you wearing some actual color, Swan. I was beginning to fear you'd never grow out of that frumpy librarian phase you seemed to be stuck in."

I rolled my eyes, taking in the signature red dress that seemed to be wrapped around Rose's tall, slender frame. "Imhotep called, he wants his mummy-wrappings back."

"Quit it, you two!" Alice came between us. "This is _my_ night and you're both going to behave or else. By the way…you _both_ look fabulous."

And with that she dragged us behind her into the elevator, yapping a mile a minute about dresses and flowers and all kinds of stuff I might have found exciting and interesting if I hadn't just come home from a two week trip. As it was I could only keep my eyes open and my brain active and responding enough to barely feign interest as I leaned back against the reflecting wall of the elevator.

This was going to be a long night.

**oOo**

"I can't believe all three of us are in a relationship right now!" Alice squealed after her umpteenth glass of wine, her cheeks red and her voice even more singsong and soprano than usual. _If she kept going like this, in half an hour only bats would be able to hear her. _

"Speak for yourself, short stuff!" I chuckled, nipping from my own glass. "I'm still in limbo, remember?"

"Yeah, right!" Alice snorted, nudging me not-so-softly with her elbow. "Who are you trying to kid?"

I gave her my best well-duh face. "Myself?"

"At least it's comforting to know that 'boy wonder' didn't manage to screw all the self-knowledge out of you!' Rose chimed in, her face sporting her well-known wry smile.

I blushed, my eyes immediately shooting to my empty plate where my fingers drew geometrical shape into the remnants of the chocolate sauce with my spoon. "It's not…we haven't."

"You didn't have sex with him?" Alice gasped, clamping both hands over her mouth in horror. Though I was pretty sure it wasn't because of what she'd just said – or rather: belted through the restaurant like a fucking foghorn – but more because of the sad state of my sex life.

"Yell any louder, Ally!" I grumbled, trying to dodge the funny looks from the tables nearby by hunching even deeper over my plate. "I don't think they heard you in fucking Uruguay!"

"Seriously, Bella!" Rose called us back to order. "What use is getting back together with the rat bastard if you can't even have hot monkey make-up sex?"

"I don't know, Rose?" I smirked. "Maybe trying to get my own fucking happily ever after?" not that I hadn't wanted to – because I did…so much – but I knew, just like he knew, that as amazing as we both knew it would have been, having sex would have only complicated things worse than they already were. And God only knew that we didn't need any more complications.

"Pfh!" Rose huffed, washing away her last bit of chocolate cake with the remnants of her wine. "Happily ever after's are overrated, if you ask me."

"Then why are you and Emmett still together?" Alice snickered, her cheeks flustered from the amount of alcohol in her tiny body.

"For the sex." Rose shrugged as if there was no other good reason for a man and a woman to enter into a committed relationship.

"Of course you are!" Alice rolled her eyes, grinning as she took another not-so-dainty gulp of wine.

"Here," Rose snickered proudly as she threw her cell phone at Alice. "See?"

I didn't think I'd ever seen Alice's eyes grow quite that big, her mouth falling open and her cheeks staining an unfamiliar shade of pink. _Oh my God, was she blushing? _"Oh, my!" Alice breathed her eyes glued to the screen. "That's quite….impressive."

"And that's just the raw material," Rose chuckled; her smugness growing with leaps and bounds. "Let's just say the boy knows what to do with it."

It was only then that I managed to put two and two together. "Fucking hell, Rose!" I cried, covering my eyes as Rose moved to shove the phone at me. "Are you keeping pictures of Emmett's dick on your cell phone?"

"Yeah?" Rose looked at me like I was the one going nuts. "Don't you?"

"No!" The thought alone of taking a picture of Edward's penis – beautiful as it was – made me break out in hives, let alone carrying it with me all day while running the risk of accidentally exposing it – and him – to others.

"Too bad," Alice chimed in, "I bet it would really lift your spirits after a visit from Jane."

Okay, this was getting more and more surreal by the second. "Wait a minute…"I held up my hand, "let me get this straight, you look at pictures of Jasper's…you know…."

"Penis," Alice interrupted me, completely straight-faced.

"Yes…" I swallowed. "His _penis_ – after meeting your boss?"

"It keeps me from committing murder," Alice shrugged. "Seriously, if the NATO wants to establish world peace, all they have to do to make it happen is wave a picture of Jasper's cock around."

I was too squicked out to even come up with something to say to that….but apparently Rose wasn't. "So," she said, grinning mischievously, "is it really true what they say about country boys? I mean…I know about Emmett and he pretty much proofs the myth but you know what they say: you need more than one example to proof a theory."

"Oh, that theory is pretty much a fact!" Alice giggled. "My man would put any of his daddy's horses to shame."

I groaned, trying my best to keep my dinner from revisiting the table. "Please…someone…..now!"

"Oh hush!" Alice scolded me. "You know that if your man were here right now you'd be all over his disco stick!"

"Disco stick?" Rose grimaced.

Alice shrugged. "You know what she's like. If you only mention the word 'penis' she goes all weird."

"Hey!" I scowled, trying not to proof their point, though really who was I trying to kid? " I'm sitting right here, you know!"

They both turned to me, smiling benevolently as they spoke in perfect harmony. "We know."

If only I would have known that that conversation set the tone for the rest of the night, I would have feigned illness right there and then but unfortunately after some more wine and a lot more bragging from both my dinner companions about their boyfriends' sexual prowess (and some not too subtle attempts at wielding that same kind of information out of me) Rose decided that a hen-night couldn't possibly be a success if there weren't any strippers involved, a statement Alice – much to my shock – confirmed wholeheartedly.

Yeah.

Apparently after more than enough alcohol it didn't even matter anymore that there wasn't a male strip joint anywhere near where we were at that moment which made sense because at that point it wouldn't have surprised me if Alice was too drunk to even recognize the difference between a penis and a pair of tits.

The only good thing about subjecting myself to the sensory overload of naked female flesh was that we ran into the boys at the tacky strip mall Rose had selected and that Jasper's brother turned out to be just ever so slightly less inebriated than the rest of the stag party, which gave me someone to talk to while the others tried to out-do each other in the shoving of dollar bills in the oddest places. All in all it was a great night…well, as great as it could be, considering my heart was still lamenting the loss of Edward.

At the end of the night Steve and I were the ones who made sure everyone was delivered safely to their own room, Rose hanging over me like a coat on a fucking coat rack as I opened the door to my room.

"I miss Emmett," she sighed, sagging down onto the bed like a sack of potato.

I smirked. "Don't you mean that you miss his dick?"

"Nuh-uh." She shook her head, her eyes fixed on the ceiling as she lay back against the soft sheets. "I miss _him_."

"Wow!" I laughed, taking up my spot next to her. "I didn't think I'd ever hear you pining for a guy!"

She snorted, playfully (and a little too hard) punching me in the side. "Neither did I…but you know what?" She waited for me to twist around on the bed so that we were face to face. "I think I'm finally ready to let go of the past."

"You're kind of not making any sense right now," I muttered, wracking my brain for something that would make me understand what she was saying.

"I know." She sighed, her face suddenly taking on a look of extreme sadness. "Do you remember when me met for lunch a few months ago? That day when Jane sprung the whole Jacob-thing on you?"

I nodded, my hand automatically reaching out for hers as I saw the sadness intensify on Rose's beautiful face. "You just came back from a gyno appointment, didn't you?" I remembered how sad and absentminded she'd been that day…so unlike the Rose I knew.

"So you remember." Rose smirked, her eyes taking on a faraway look as she spoke. "It wasn't just a routine check-up, though. I was going in to hear if there was a chance for me to ever have a child grown inside of me and…and….."

"The news was bad," I whispered when Rose's voice trailed off in sobs.

She nodded, angrily wiping the tears from her eyes. "The stupid thing is that growing up I never even wanted to have children! I thought they were loud and smelly and obnoxious and there was no way I was ever going to risk my waistline or the perkiness of my boobs for one of those little poop-factories. It was only when that door had been slammed shut in my face that I realized…I realized just how awesome it would be to hold a baby in your arms and know that part of _you_ lives inside of it."

"I'm so sorry, Rose," I sighed, squeezing the hand I still held in mine.

I wasn't sure if she heard me, her eyes seeming lost in whatever nightmare had put her in that situation. "The most stupid thing of all is that it's my own damn fault that I'm in this situation. I knew what he was like...They all warned me…they all told me not to get caught up in him but I was too blind and arrogant to see it."

I scooted closer, wrapping my arms around her body as she sobbed, knowing that for now she needed the space and safety to tell me her story in her own time. And little by little she slowly calmed down again until she was ready to talk again, her voice so detached it was almost spoke as she spoke into my hair. "I met Royce back in the day when I was still modeling. He was on a shoot with me and the minute I saw him…" her voice trailed off as she shook her head. "He was so damn beautiful."

She chuckled bitterly, slowly detaching herself from me as she went on. "I almost botched up the shoot because I was staring at him all the time. I didn't even give a rats ass about the set director yelling at me in at least five different languages. I just couldn't look away and when he asked me out after we were done…..I thought I'd died and gone to heaven." She paused to let out another bitter snort. "Little did I knew how close he'd get me there."

"We went out for a little while before I started to realize that there was a side to Royce that wasn't as pretty as the rest of him." She smirked, taking a deep breath. "You see I was barely sixteen back then and thinking back on the vapid little airhead I was back then I'm so ashamed…All I was thinking about was how to find a rich guy – preferably someone with a nice, cushy trust fund or some well-to-do businessman – and marry him and have lots of children so that if he divorced me I would be set up for life. Everything else – college, modeling, the whole damn lot – was all just so that I could make that happen."

I chuckled the whole idea sounding so foreign to me that I had a hard time picturing Rose like that. "So what you're saying is that you were basically living right in the middle of a Gossip Girl episode?"

"Yeah, I think that about covers it!" Rose snickered, the first carefree laugh in a while. "Anyway….Royce was everything I ever wanted; handsome, charming, eligible to inherit at least fifty million when his old man kicked the bucket…I was living the dream, or at least I thought I was."

I instinctively felt that we were nearing the bad stuff when she tensed, her words sounding forced and mechanical again as she went on. "I was still a virgin back then, not that I was completely inexperienced though. I'd given the odd hand- and blowjob but when it came to the actual 'deed' I always heard my mom's speech about the cow and the milk in the back of my head and…well, if you'd ever met the woman you'd know how scary even the thought of her was."

"Royce hated me for wanting to abstain until marriage." She shook her head. "No matter how hard I tried to keep him happy, the longer we were together, the more he started to bitch and moan about not getting in my pants and how he was going to look like a fool in front of his buddies. I should have known back then that this could only end in tears but I was a fool and I foolishly thought that if I just loved him it would be enough. Little did I know that even back then he was already sleeping around behind my back and bragging about it to his friends."

She bit her lip, her eyes watery as she pushed on. "We had been going out for almost a year when he called me up late one night sounding so strange….he kept on going on and on about how I didn't love him and how if I really wanted him I would have been with him at his apartment instead of at home and I – fool that I was – walked right into the trap he and his buddies had set for me."

"By the time I woke up in hospital three days later my chances of every having children of my own had been literally ripped away from me and I was lucky to be alive, even if my mom and dad were so reluctant to bear the stigma of having their daughter – their fucking trophy – become a sad little statistic in the annual crime figures that they cut me loose when I decided to take those bastards who raped me to court."

"Fuck!" I gasped, clasping my hand in front of my mouth as, for a moment, I hovered between rage and pity.

Rose chuckled, pulling up her brow as she smiled wryly. "So now you see why I hate male models and why, before Emmett came along, I only ever did the one-night thing? I never wanted a guy to come close enough to me to hurt me and I thought….I was damaged goods, you know? No guy in his right mind would ever want to be with me if he knew the truth."

"So Emmett-" I started, my head still spinning with the shock of Rose's revelation.

"He knows and he doesn't care about any of that shit." Rose grinned, her eyes slowly gaining some happiness again as she thought about her boyfriend. "At least….not about the damaged goods or the fact that if he ever wants to have a baby he's going to come up with a way to impregnate himself. As far as Royce goes…." She shrugged. "I think that if he'd have known where the jackass was buried Emmett would have dug him up with his own bare hands to slowly cut him into a million tiny pieces. Not that I would have done anything to stop him."

"Wow," I breathed. "So Royce is dead?"

She nodded. "He got stabbed in the gut during some kind of prison brawl and died in hospital. Seems they hate rapists as much in prison as on the outside."

"And the rest?"

"All locked up for the foreseeable future and still paying off the damages the court ordered them to pay," Rose shrugged, making light of a situation so gruesome it was almost hard to believe anyone could survive it. "At first I thought it would bug me to have their money sitting in my bank account but now…" Another shrug. "I find it's the ultimate revenge to spend their money – the money they would have used to maintain their perfect little lives – on me; the person they tried to destroy, while they are locked up in prison."

"It must have been hard for you," I mused, still trying to wrap my mind around the cold hard truth. "You know? To tell Emmett?"

"Yeah," Rose sighed, yawning happily. "I think telling him…that's when I realized I love him."

We lay side by side in silence, both our backs resting against the thick mattress as we reeled from the earthquake Rose's words had brought about. I was still silently trying to digest the pain Rose must have gone through as Rose was slowly falling asleep, judging from the snores that rose up from her side of the bed after a while.

Chuckling I got up from the bed, quickly changing into my pajamas and brushing my teeth before shoving the dead weight of Rose's sleeping body underneath the covers (which proved to be a hard task considering the length of her arms and legs and the way they kept on swatting a me like I was an insect that had landed on her skin).

Scooting back underneath the covers I was still trying to make sense of the things she'd told me. So much was making sense now. The way she acted towards men in general and male models in particular, the rift between her and the rest of her family, the boundaries between herself and the rest of the world….She gone through hell and emerged stronger yet still damaged and guarded on the other side.

The thing was, though…as happy as I was that she'd told me, I couldn't help but wonder if it had been the copious amounts of alcohol that had made her a little bit more loose lipped than usual or if she really, genuinely wanted me to know.

Would she regret it when she woke up tomorrow?

Or even remember?

**oOo**

If Rose felt any kind of remorse about her openness the previous night, she didn't show it the next morning when she woke up; her bloodshot eyes half closed as she grumbled about evil weddings and how people should just let her sleep instead of wanting her to go to spa visits and rehearsal dinners all day.

I chuckled, watching her scramble out of the room to get a shower and a change of clothes in time for our spa appointment even though I knew just how she was feeling. On all accounts.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of being poked and prodded for most of the morning and catching up with mom, dad, Emily and Sam in the afternoon when they finally arrived after their twenty-four hour drive; dad grumbling under his breath that he had better ways to spent his few vacation days than being crammed into a car before mom threw her handbag at him and reminded him that his niece was only getting married once.

I had to admire my mom's restraint when she didn't strangle him the moment he replied with a sarcastic 'are you sure about that'? Apparently all those yoga classes she'd been taking really did help.

The rehearsal dinner was like one big family get-together; everyone crammed around a big round table, stuffing up on amazing food and exchanging the latest gossip; the Whitlocks and Emmett blending in with my crazy family like they'd been there all along.

Finally, after Alice almost fell asleep with her head on Jasper's shoulder, Rose and Emmett were starting to get so handsy that I was wondering if Rose was going to just throw her man on the table and have at him and dad barely managed to pry my mother away from the slot machines before she threw away half a month's wage, we all stumbled back up to our rooms and parted ways, me with the promise to dig up a pair of thick, warm socks for Emily who had been complaining all day about cold feet.

"I'm coming!" I yelled as I heard my sister in law's knock on the door. "Seriously, Em, you're lucky I never trust the weather me-" I stopped, my mouth hanging open and my eyes blinking dumbly when the door opened to reveal not Emily but….."Edward."

"I-I couldn't stay away," he started, rubbing a face that looked like it hadn't seen sleep in a while. "All day yesterday I tried to work on my assignment but all I could see…._all I could think about_ was how much I wanted to be with you and how much I hated myself for once again failing to be a proper boyfriend."

"You're not-" I started.

"I _am_, Bella," he interrupted me. "A proper boyfriend wouldn't even have to think about not being here to share these important events with you whereas I-"

"You're here," I muttered, my mind still scarcely believing the words even though he was standing right there in front of me.

"I am," he stated solemnly, "and I'm never going to leave again." His hands reached out to cradle my face, his lips pressing softly against mine in a sweet kiss before he drew back. "I'm moving to New York, Bella. I don't care if Jane gives in or if it means I have to get used to flipping burgers for the rest of my life but as far as I'm concerned there's nothing left in Europe to hold me back."

"You…you're sure about that?" I stammered, my heart beating so fast I was afraid it was going to flutter out of my chest.

"Absolutely." His answer came immediately. "I've never been so sure about anything in my life."

"O-okay." I leaned my head against his shoulder, my whole world spinning on its axis like a drunk figure skater as I felt a huge burden slide off my shoulders and land somewhere on the ground, never to be picked up again. Or so I hoped.

"You're happy about this, right?" Edward asked, sounding a little concerned. "I mean….if you'd rather have me wait a bit longer I-"

I silenced, him, placing my finger on his lips before replacing it with my mouth, hoping that action could convey what words couldn't express right now. "Yes," I finally whispered against his lips, "I'm happy. I'm _so_ happy."

"Never mind me!" Emily's voice squealed, making me jump a little further into Edward's arms as she came stalking past us from seemingly out of nowhere. "I'm only coming to pick up my socks before my feet freeze into popsicles and….ah, there they are!"

She emerged triumphant with the socks, grinning from ear to ear as she moved past us again. "I'm Emily, by the way. I have a feeling I'll be seeing you around."

"Edward," Edward spoke over my head.

"I know!" Emily squealed, hovering in the doorway to the room she and Sam shared. "Good work, Bella!"

"Oh my God!" I groaned, burying my face in Edward's chest. "With just my luck she's on the phone with my mom and auntie Marie right now."

"Then we'd better move out of this hallway, don't we love?" Edward chuckled. "Because as much as I want to meet your family, there are some things I want to prioritize on right now."

"Oh yeah?" I arched my brow, losing the door behind him just as a high-pitched squeal sounded from somewhere down the hallway. "And what might that be?"

His lopsided grin made me lick my lips in anticipation, my heart thumping out of control as he slowly stalked towards me, his eyes fixed on my lips and his voice liquid, velvety sex as he spoke. "Kiss you."

And that he did.

In fact, for the next couple of hours we did nothing more but make out like a bunch of horny teenagers on the bed, only stopping to talk when either of us was in danger of turning blue from lack of oxygen.

It was bliss…and the knowledge that very soon this would be a regular event in my life (though perhaps with a lot more skin exposed and certain other body parts getting reacquainted as well) made it even better.

We would finally be _together_. No more deadlines, no more teary airport goodbyes….just us.

If only we could find a way to get Jane on board as well…

**oOo**

Waking up in Edward's arms the next morning, with his deep even breaths fanning out across my bare skin, was even better than falling asleep next to him the previous night and I had to pinch myself to know I wasn't still asleep.

_Nope_. He was really here. He had really flown halfway across the world for me. Not for a job, not because Jane had ordered him…._for me._

"What are you smiling about?" Edward's gravelly voice crooned, his lips pouting for a good morning kiss on my forehead.

"I still can't believe you're here," I breathed, using the few precious seconds we still had left until the alarm went off to snuggle deeper into his hold.

I could feel his shrug, his arms tightening around me as our legs tangled together. "It's not like I had any place better to be."

"But your work…" I bit my lip, wondering just how much Edward had sacrificed to come here. "You have an assignment due-"

"It can wait," I groaned, stretching his long, tones limbs as he sat up in the bed. "I have to fly back to Barcelona tomorrow since mum and Bea will be coming to visit me in a day or two so I'll probably still get it done before the deadline."

"And then you're coming back?" I asked, a little hesitant.

He reached out, his fingers weaving through mine as he smiled. "Yep. I'll be back as soon as I can. I just have some loose ends to tie up before I move...but it's only a matter of time. I _will_ keep my promise to you, sweetheart."

I blushed, the urge to dive back into bed and never come out again almost uncontrollable. "Good."

"So what's on the menu for today?" he asked, scratching his hair into an even more disorganized mop. "Jasper and Alice are getting married this afternoon, right?"

"At three," I nodded, looking at the clock, "and it's ten now so I think we can just about squeeze in a shower and some breakfast before she and the mother's tackle me with their scary equipment."

"You make it seem like they're a bunch of armed robbers or something!" Edward chuckled, reaching out for his cigarettes as he eyed the closed balcony door.

"You haven't met them!" I snorted, rifling through my suitcase in search of a pair of clean underwear and some comfy clothes to wear before I'd have to hoist myself into my very uncomfortable looking dress and shoes. "Care to join me?"

The smoldering intensity of his gaze almost made my underwear melt away from my body. "Don't tempt me," he purred, stepping onto the balcony as he lit up his smoke, his eyes never breaking contact with mine. "There's nothing I want more than to jump in there with you and forget about everything else but I made you a promise a few days ago….and I intend to keep it."

I pouted, stalking into the shower alone. Deep down inside I knew that Edward's vow not to make love to me until we were both living in the same place was the best thing given the circumstances we were in but still….as I stood under the lonely rays, I couldn't help but lament the sometimes freakishly moral code he lived by.

Half an hour and two lonely showers later we made our way down to the breakfast hall, the knowing grins of mom, Emily and aunt Marie greeting us as we slid into place next to them. I had to give them credit, though, for really reigning themselves in. I mean…I'd seen them in action and so I knew what they were capable off but apart from a few giggle remarks about his pretty eyes and long fingers and their gushing congratulations on landing 'such a hottie after going out with an ugly ogre like Mike' they didn't say or do anything that would have made Edward run for the hills.

I was almost feeling proud of them, my confidence soaring with every minute and every bite I took until the scrapping of a throat behind us send me crashing right back down to earth.

_Oh, crap!_

In all my happiness about Edward being here, where I could touch him, feel him and kiss him any time I wanted I had forgotten one minor detail.

Charlie.

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_**Something tells me Charlie's got some choice words for loverboy. Nothing he doesn't deserve, though.**_

_**So, what did you think of Edward's surprise visit to Vegas? Does it proof how he's changed or are you still skeptical?**_

_**Thanks so much for reading. As always, reviewers will get teased.**_


	34. The City of Counts pt2

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

_**Jadsmama deserves my undying love and gratitude for putting up with my wonky words and making them pretty. Love ya!**_

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_**I'm so sorry for not updating last week. A nasty throat bug and a workload that just kept on growing kept me from my computer. Given that the next chapter is the last regular chapter for this story (there's a small epi, though), I should be able to finish this one without further delay. **_

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**Chapter 31 – The City of Counts**

_**Where I finally said goodbye to my old life. **_

"Chicken or beef?" the flight attendant rattled off mechanically, her question mostly followed by a swiftly grumbled reply and an equally swift deposit of either a brownish or a reddish sludge in front of the passenger in question.

"Beef." I had a hard time trying not to snicker at the surprised look on the poor girl's face as I answered her question before she'd even asked. _What? If she'd wanted to keep the meal selections a secret she shouldn't have belted them all through the fuselage like she was selling fish at the market. _

Mercifully she didn't linger long, her professional smile firmly back in place as she went on serving the rest of the plane while I eyed the brownish blob in front of me with a thinly veiled distrust. _Good heavens. Was this even supposed to be edible? It looked like a dog's dinner!_

Following the example of a few brave souls next to me, I dug the plastic cutlery into the shapeless mass, the demands of my body outweighing the very un-stimulating visual. And what do you know? It didn't even taste half bad.

I mean, coming from the guy who up until a few weeks ago survived on bread and cheese and the somewhat edible looking green stuff that didn't look like mold in the fridge, it didn't actually taste that bad at all. Almost good even if you just closed your eyes and imagined you could actually discern the ingredients. I guess Bella was right about airplane food after all…_Bella_.

I smiled, closing my eyes as I remembered what it had felt like to wake up next to her again earlier that morning, her hair fanning out all over the pillow as she slept; calmly and with a small smile on her face in the crook of my arm.

Together again. At last.

In the weeks that lay behind us, I'd never dared to dream that day would come. It seemed pointless after the way I'd messed up and hurt her to even entertain the thought of her ever forgiving me. Her heart was big and pure but there were limits and what I'd done…if ever there was a thing that fell beyond those limits, that was it.

Walking out on her and denying the force of the feelings I held for her…it had been the blackest sort of blasphemy a man could ever commit. But where I deserved scorn, anger and a door slammed shut in my face, her big, beautiful heart had somehow manage to try to forgive the unforgivable and let me get close to it again. Close to _her_ again.

There had been no comparison to the feelings coursing though me as I stole a few moments staring at her while she slept; happiness, relief, gratefulness and determination all swirling inside my heart as I replaced a few riotous locks of hair that had fallen into her face to a place less inclined to hinder her before ghosting my fingers over the bare parts of her flesh.

To touch her again…drink in the beauty of her pale skin and dark hair, knowing that after everything that happened she might still be mine? It was the best thing in the world. It was better even than it had been in London or that first day in Berlin, since now there weren't any big secrets or treacherous lies looming over us. Right then, in that darkened hotel room, there was only truth.

Truth and love.

And hope.

As I lay there, watching the sun slowly gain force as it slithered through a small gap in the curtains, I couldn't help but wonder what our future would look like. I knew it was by no means certain that Jane was going to go along with my crazy plan – in fact I rather counted on the opposite – but on the other hand I also knew that if I wanted to be with Bella, I had to _be_ with Bella. We'd tried doing the long distance thing and though I knew that if we really wanted it to, we could do it again…but I didn't want to.

I hadn't been lying to Bella when I told her I'd settle for flipping burgers at the local Micky D's if needs be (and that scenario was actually quite frighteningly close) but what were my other options?

I didn't have any qualifications other than my experience as a photographer and unless I wanted to settle for being the kind of guy who set up shop at the local mall, taking pictures of cutesy toddlers while trying to block out their obnoxious mothers, I was going to have to come up with something else.

After all, Jane had made it perfectly clear to me, that if I went against the meticulously written out stipulations she'd drawn up, she'd make sure I never sell a picture ever again. _Wait….did that also include mall-photography? Because if so….I was even more screwed than I thought I was. _

My mind had been occupied like that until Bella started to stir, the nearness of her leg to a certain part of my anatomy forcing all the blood to flow from my poor, overworked brain to my slightly underworked (of late) cock.

**oOo**

"_Good morning." There was a small, hesitant smile on her lips as she looked up at me._

_I smiled back, pressing my lips to hers in the hope it would eradicate her doubt. "It is now." In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, the light hold of my arms wrapped around her being completely inadequate to convey what I felt. But I knew I couldn't because if I gave in and kissed her now, in bed and with both of us barely dressed, I would not be able to contain myself. And that was on the odd chance that she'd actually let me kiss her. _

_She chuckled, rolling her eyes at me (though it didn't escape my notice that the way her leg brushed against a certain rock-hard part of my anatomy seemed decidedly deliberate as opposed to accidental). "Charmer!" _

_I grinned back at her, pushing my erection slightly into her hip to let her know that I was on to her (though there may have been a selfish sense of gratification involved as well). "You know you love it, sweetheart!" _

**oOo**

Those were the perfect moments of the day, when nothing had happened to spoil it and everything seemed possible…even having hot, passionate sex with the woman you'd sworn not to touch until all the shit between you had been resolved.

I groaned, leaning my head back against the headrest as I tried to concentrate on forming a plan of attack instead of letting my mind wander back to what – or rather who – I'd left behind five or so hours ago. It had been as hard as always, leaving her behind, but this time, knowing that it was probably the last airport-goodbye we had to go through made it a little easier to walk away.

Only a little, though.

Thinking about her or the events that had led me to be in this plane wouldn't do me any good. In fact…if I didn't push them out of my mind soon to focus on the shit that needed to be done – and fast too, if I wanted to keep Jane from biting my head off for missing the deadline – I'd have to get my head in the right place. The problem was, though, that it desperately wanted to be someplace else at the moment.

"Focus, you bloody idiot!" I hissed at myself, forcing my attention on the blank sheet of paper in front of me; a sheet of paper that should by now be containing an outline or a storyboard or at least some faint kind of idea of what my report on the Arabian Spring was going to look like; a report that was due early the next morning and that was to be discussed in a videoconference with Jane that same night.

The report I should have been working on while I was jetting off to Bella.

The report I couldn't get my mind to focus on.

Pushing my notebook away I closed my eyes, leaning my head back again as I thought about early that morning and my first meeting with Bella's rather unique family.

And her dad.

**oOo**

_If I hadn't already gotten the idea myself, Bella's frightened look cued me in just fine on who was standing behind us at that moment even before the chief himself appeared in all his passive-aggressive mustachy glory. _

"_Wife…offspring," he gruffed, nodding to his wife and kids as he slammed his plate on the table with enough force to make the stack of pancakes and strips of bacon on top of it do a little summersault. _

_His eyes turned a little soften when he glanced in Emily's direction, his mustache twitching as he leaned in. "Offspring of the offspring." _

"_Oh my God, Charlie!" Renee screeched. "Are you talking to the baby? That's so cute!"_

_And apparently it was arousing as well since Bella's mom progressed to maul her husband right there at the breakfast table and in plain view of all unsuspecting diners, much to the dismay of her children and her husband._

"_Easy there, Renee!" he tutted awkwardly, trying to pry her away from him with one hand while protecting his stack of pancakes from the hungry eyes of his son and daughter in law with the other. "What did I tell ya about the right time and place for PDA? I'm a cop. I'm supposed to be setting a good sort of example for the good people of this world. Not engage in pornographic acts in front of others." _

_Renee giggled,waggling her eyebrows as she finally retracted back into her own seat. _

"_Gross!" Bella groaned, dunking her spoon back into the bowl of cereal. _

_Coming from a family in which the parental units made a general show of displaying loving (though strictly PG) signs of affection all around the bloody house, I knew just how she felt. _

"_Now, I'd like to sit here and eat my breakfast without further disturbance, if y'all don't mind," Chief Swan grumbled, righting the blue and red polka dot tie that seemed way too cheerful for a man like him as he dug into his stack of food. "With the day we have ahead of us, I have a feeling I'm going to need all the clam I can get!" _

_The way he was studiously ignoring me as he dug into his food didn't promise much good, though I supposed it was better than having him draw his gun on me or anything. _

"_Amen!" Sam muttered under his breath, wincing when one of the women (my money was on his wife) kicked him under the table. _

_Apparently in Chief Swan's book having a quiet meal meant shoveling food into his mouth while sending looks in my direction that made my balls want to shrivel up and retract back into my body, safely out of reach. _

_Yeah…he was scary alright and the worst thing about it was that he wasn't even wearing his cop-gear. Blimey, with the man looking like that I was starting to wonder if there was any crime to speak of in Forks at all. I mean…who would be foolish enough to cross the border between right and wrong if they knew he was on border patrol?_

_I wouldn't._

_But here I was, the bastard who'd not only sullied his daughter's virtue but on top of it made her cry and left her vulnerable. _

_What was that phrase again that gladiators spoke just as they stepped into the arena to be mauled by wild animals?_

_Ah, yes. Those who are about to die salute you. I didn't realize I'd muttered those words out loud until everyone around me erupted in a raucous laughter, poor Emily having to hold onto her stomach to keep herself from…well, whatever. _

"_You weren't lying, Bella" Renee hiccupped in between fits of giggled. "He really is cute! A little bashful, maybe…but we can work on that!" _

"_Mom!" Bella groaned, glaring at me as if I had been the one guilty of inspiring those around him with a fear of death. _

_Unsure of how to act or even of the why of half the people at the breakfast table looked at me like they wanted me to die a slow and preferably painful death while the other half gave me those dreamy kind of looks that might have even been scarier than the death glares, I went back to the only sane thing a bloke in my position could be doing. _

_Shoveling food into my mouth. _

**oOo**

And that was only the beginning.

That was when I was just sitting there, eating breakfast and wondering how much lower I was going to sink in Chief Swan's opinion if I scurried off for a quick smoke, my mind in a blissful state of ignorance of what was to come.

It was only when the plates were empty and Emily, Renee and Sam had scarpered in search of something to pass the time or a bride to tart up for her wedding day that shit got real. Really real.

I mean: when the police chief father of the girl you're seeing asks you for a one-on-one sit-down and possible interrogation when you haven't even had the time to assess if the man is carrying his service gun or not…yeah. That's about as real as shit can ever get.

I grinned, trying my best to ignore the slurping sounds of the pensioner next to me as he loudly slurped his plate clean of any reddish residue still remaining. _Dear God, man, the food was palatable but it wasn't anywhere near as good as to warrant such behavior! Didn't they feed the poor sod wherever he was from?_

My neighbor, blissfully unaware of the sideways inspection I was giving him, went back to the little book of puzzles he'd been entranced in ever since the 'fasten seatbelt' sign had come on, his lips smacking as he licked the last remaining memories of his meal from them as he mumbled incoherent phrases while his fingers scribbled away at his crossword.

I counted to ten, trying not to let my frustration at flying away from Bella and everything I wanted in life make me do shit I would later regret and/or get arrested for. Shaking my head I couldn't help but think that my sweet Bella deserved an award for putting up with these kinds of lunatics on a regular basis without committing murder.

She really was the most gentle soul on the planet.

Well…..unless her father threatened to neuter and/or otherwise bodily harm her boyfriend., In those cases it turned out that my cute little kitten had a pair of nails on her that could cut through solid steel.

**oOo**

"_Don't you worry, Bells," Chief Swan grinned, his amusement at the distress his announcement had created rolling off him in waves. "I promise to bring him back unharmed." _

"_I don't trust you," Bella hissed, narrowing her eyes as he stared back at her completely unfazed. _

"_You don't trust your own old man? I'm hurt," he chuckled. "Besides, it's not like you really have a choice here, buttercup. I figure you have about three seconds before the womenfolk come back to drag you upstairs for whatever it is women do in preparation of a wedding." _

_True enough, just as the chief finished talking Emily, Renee and Marie appeared in the breakfast room entryway, motioning impatiently for Bella to join them. _

"_See?" The chief sat back, grinning triumphantly._

"_You'd better get him back to me unharmed, dad," she warned, her voice low and menacing, "and that includes both physical and psychological trauma." _

_Charlie nodded, holding his hands up in surrender even though there was no ounce of defeat in the way his eyes shone with glee or the sides of his mouth curled up underneath his mustache. _

_Bugger! My brow started to break out in cold sweat as I realized he was going to make me suffer long and hard. I just knew it. _

_I knew I should probably have found the way they were discussing me like I was a kid in a custody hearing insulting to my manly pride, but I had to admit that watching the whole father-daughter-stare down was incredibly fascinating; my sweet, usually so timid Bella taking on a whole new and slightly scary persona as she battled her father for the general well-being of my scrotum._

_Okay…now I was starting to feel a pussy._

"_So Edward…."Chief Swan sat back in his chair, one arm draped over the empty seat his wife had occupied just before, one hovering where on an average workday his gun probably rested in its belt. _

_I swallowed, wishing I _was_ a cute little pussycat at that moment. "Y-yes, sir?"_

"_Easy there, son!" Charlie grinned, looking mightily chuffed with the effects his little game of mental warfare were having. "I promised my baby girl I'd have you back to her unharmed and I intend to honor my vow, if only because I spent a lot of time teaching that girl how to kick a guy where it really hurts and I have no intention of falling victim to my own teachings." _

_I swallowed difficultly. Well, that was something at least._

"_Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?" Charlie asked, though I was under the distinct impression that an answer wasn't really required. "We haven't got all day with the wedding and your flight and all that…." _

"_That's….er….okay…sir." I stammered back, figuring whether I should saw off my bollocks now or save that for later. I mean…I was acting like they'd already vacated the premises anyway. _

_The corners of his lips twitched under his moustaches as he stared at me, just a tad too long for comfort. "How do you intend to make my baby girl happy?" _

_I sucked in a sharp breath. Man, the guy wasn't kidding about cutting to the chase. "I….I know my income isn't very solid at the moment but….." _

"_I'm not asking you about your salary," the chief barked, looking almost insulted, "my wife and I raised our girl to be an independent woman of the twenty-first century. I'd never insult her by thinking she'd need a man to take care of her – in any way, shape or form." _

"_Oh." Once again the complete lack of a well-spoken, impressive answer made me cringe at my own stupidity. If it wasn't that, then what the hell did he want to hear from me?_

_It turned out I didn't have to wait very long to have that question answered. _

"_What I want to know is how on earth the two of you are going to work this thing out." Chief Swan sat back again, his brown eyes – so like Bella's – scrutinizing my every move. "I mean, that's assuming you want to." _

"_I want to." My voice was steady and determined, just like I was. "And to answer your question….." I let out a deep breath, steadying myself….and then I jumped into the deep, detailing my plans to tell Jane where she could stick her job and moving out to New York, with or without my boss' blessing. _

_Charlie just sat back and nodded throughout my story, though as I progressed to the most important part of it – the part where I promised to do anything I could to make Bella forget the prick I once was – I could see the corners of his lips slowly curl upward underneath his mustache. _

_I knew there and then, that in spite of the pain I'd caused his daughter, I might have a shot at gaining her father's good opinion of me yet. _

**oOo**

To say that my answer had brought about a huge shift in the tone and atmosphere of the conversation was the understatement of the century. Apparently something in my words must have convinced Charlie that I wasn't such a bad guy anyway and that I was as devoted to his daughter as I should be.

And, much to my surprise, it turned out that Chief Swan – or Charlie as I was allowed to call him sometime near the end of our conversation – wasn't as bad as I thought he was. In fact…he was quite a cool guy once you got to know him and – more importantly – once he was convinced you weren't public enemy number one.

The rest of the day…it was a blur of family members (one more crazy than the other) presenting themselves while Rose, Emmett and I hung back, quite content to play second fiddle as an ecstatically happy Alice married the love of her life.

A year ago I would have gagged at the sight of them; so happy, in love and determined to hold on to their love for each other for all the years to come.

Now, though, having learned a lesson or two about love myself….I couldn't help but want to make that kind of commitment myself.

To Bella.

I knew we were still a long way – a very long way – off from even entertaining such kinds of thoughts but sometime in the future…who knew? It would be amazing to stand beside her, like Jasper standing next to Alice, and pledge myself, my whole life and every bit of love I could muster to her and know that the bond forged between us that day wasn't only official but also unbreakable.

And judging by the way her eyes kept catching mine as she was standing up front with the rest of the wedding party while I hung back with Emmett and some of the other Epicenter crew, I wasn't the only one who'd been thinking along those lines.

I was shocked out of my thoughts when the plane jostled violently as it broke through the low hanging clouds, the rapid descent making my ears clog up as I quickly shoved my laptop – unused throughout most of the journey – back into my bag and folded my tray table before one of the stewardess would lecture me on proper airplane etiquette. Again.

And then, there was just the soft touchdown of the wheels as the plane smoothly landed on Spanish soil..

_Home_. Just about the last place I wanted to be at that moment.

**oOo**

The shuttle bus into Barcelona was laden with a fresh batch of tourist being jostled like the little silver bullet in a pinball machine as the bus driver raced to _Plaça de Cataluña_; the central square at the starting point of the _Ramblas_. From there on out it was just a short walk to Carmen and Eleazar's place in the _Raval_.

I remembered what it had been like, a few weeks ago, crossing this street for the first time, my eyes exploring the stately buildings on either side as I took in the hustle and bustle of one of the main tourists attractions of the city. I'd seen it as a new beginning; a fresh start in a new city.

A way to forget, heal and grow; a place where the loss of Bella…of the love of my life, wouldn't be felt as acutely as in Rome, the place where we'd fallen in love, or London, the place where we'd first consummated our love for each other.

I shook my head, smiling with the relief of someone who was within touching range of the silver lining around the big, threatening thundercloud. _I had been a fool to think that I could ever forget her. And an even bigger fool to dare thing I'd even _want_ to. _

Right now, this city seemed more like the end of something; a stepping stone between my old life and the new one I planned to make with Bella. The final hurrah of my bohemian ways.

The funny thing was that I couldn't wait to let go of that life, even though I'd clung to it like a life buoy for years. I'd never expected this to happen. I'd always thought I'd end up like Tanya and Heidi; integrating my professional life in the bohemian lifestyle. But then again…I'd never even entertained the notion of falling in love with a woman who made you see the emptiness of your present life and the fullness a life with her offered. Or being able to break into the art scene like I was doing at the moment.

That was…if I managed to complete my assignment in time for it to meet Jane's scrutiny. If not, my career would most likely plummet as fast as it seemed to be on the rise. _If it wasn't going to do that anyway. _

With that thought in mind I shared a quick meal with my friends, bringing them up to speed on everything that happened in the past couple of days. Judging from the way Carmen squealed as she flung herself at me when I announced my intention to leave Barcelona, she didn't exactly lament the fact that she'd soon be on the lookout for a new lodger. In fact, I got the impression that she was rather happy about it.

Settling into my room afterwards I finally managed to crunch down on my assignment, working through the night to sift the eight frames out of the many I'd shot that told the story of the Middle East as I'd seen it and working them into something that hopefully spoke for itself and might even impress Jane. The likelihood of that actually happening was slim to none but hey, a guy could hope.

Finally, an hour before my deadline, I send it in, knowing that no more tweaking would get it any better than it was right then before crashing backwards on my bed, finally giving into the demand for sleep my body had been making for hours.

When I woke up, I only had an hour to go out for a smoke (Carmen had strictly forbidden me to smoke inside the apartment) eat, take a shower and set up my laptop before Jane's sour face glared back at me from the computer screen.

"I've had a look at the pictures you've sent me," she announced, completely forgoing all ceremony. "they're not bad…though they could be better."

"I know," I nodded. I knew she was right. They could have been better if I had actually put in the time I was supposed to have put into them. Not that I regretted my decisions for even a single moment.

"If you do, they why did you send me this…mediocre work?" she challenged me, her eyes narrowing with displeasure.

"I wanted to know if my selection met your expectations," I shrugged, trying my best to keep up a confident front when inside I was a raging wreck of nerves and dying for a cigarette even if it meant that Carmen would flamenco-kick my sorry arse. "I've shot about six hundred usable frames while I was out there. I thought it would be better to see if you liked the place I was taking this first before going all the way."

"The next time you ever decide to 'think' again," Jane spat, "make sure that you do so well before your deadline. It's bad enough that you just _assume_ we'll go along with whatever half-brained plan you doctor out on your own but it's a complete different ballgame if you endanger the magazine into the bargain! You're not as much of a genius as you seem to think you are. You are what I want you to be, you'd do good to remember that."

"I'll make sure everything is in order when it needs to be," I reassured her.

"Which should have been this morning!" she snapped, raising her eyes to the heavens. "Why is it so difficult for everybody to understand a simple deadline? It's not like it's nuclear physics!"

I sat silent; accepting her scolding like a naught schoolboy, knowing that pissing her off any further than I'd already done was going to do nothing towards the favor I was going to ask of her.

"It's a good thing your work is solid," she warned me, "or else…" She shook her head, her lips still pursed into a look of dissatisfaction as she let her eyes travel over my work.

"So you approve of what I sent you?" I tried.

"It needs some more tweaking…but yes. The report in itself is definitely interesting."

"That's very…er…good to know," I nodded, allowing a small smile to creep onto my face as my shoulders sagged with relief. _At least she liked it. That was something. _

Jane merely rolled her eyes. "Out with it," she ordered me. "What is it you want?"

I knew her well enough not to be surprised as I forced myself to somehow meet her iron gaze. "I'd like to relocate to New York."

"Out of the question," she replied, her answer immediate and definite.

_Fuck. I knew it._ "But-"

"Look…" Judging by the way she pinched the bridge of her nose and the square set of her shoulders I wasn't going to like what came next. "I know why you may want to move out here – or at least I think I do – and had the situation been different I might have even thought it was cute…but no. I'm not paying you to play house with Bella Swan – since I assume that _she's_ the one who prompted this request."

She waited for me to nod, her eyes tightening further when she got the confirmation she wanted. "Your signed your contract with Epicenter knowing that your work for us was going to be done from Europe, did you not?"

I sighed, intuitively feeling I'd lost the battle, even though I was determined to go down fighting. "But I thought that maybe….."

"Maybe what?" She arched her brow, her cold, blue eyes silently daring me to . "You didn't think I'd pay for you to fly up and down to Europe to do your work when I could just as well find another moderately talented photographer to take you place, did you?"

I cringed, suffering the sharp blows she doled out with my hands fisted by my sides. "No…I-"

"Ah!" Jane's eyes shone with a delight so sardonically evil it made the hairs at the back of my neck stand up on end. "You thought that just because you've sold a picture or two, you're suddenly the next big thing since sliced bread!"

She chuckled, her chin resting daintily on her hands as she leaned forward. "Well, let my enlighten you, my dear boy…You may think it's _you_ who sold that pictures but in reality those buyers wouldn't even have looked at those pictures if it hadn't been for _me_."

She sat back, clearly enjoying the power trip she was on. "_I_ brought you up to this point and make no mistake: if you honor your contract I can bring you as far as you want to go. However, If you choose not to I'll make damn sure you'll never sell a damn picture again. The choice is yours."

And with that, I was left staring at a blank screen; the connection broken with a simple push of a button before I had time to respond.

"All the better," I muttered, chugging the rest of my beer down. After all the venom that bloody serpent just poured over me, I wanted nothing more than to just show up at her office one day soon and tell het exactly how I felt about her. To her face.

I sat there in the rapidly falling darkness, contemplating my revenge on Jane when another Skype call came in, this time from someone who's company was far more enjoyable than that of her viperous boss.

"Edward!'" Bella's eyes were alight as she stared back at me.

I smiled back, already feeling the loss of not having her in my arms. "Hello, love. How was your flight?"

She shrugged. "Horrid, but that's just the way things are. Yours?"

I smiled, knowing exactly what she meant. "The same."

She chuckled, fidgeting nervously with a few knickknacks sitting on her desk. "Did you talk to Jane?"

I nodded. "Yep."

"That bad?" Bella cringed, her fingers closing so tightly around a small figurine I was afraid she was going to hurt herself.

"About as bad as we thought it was going to be."

She pursed her lips. "Shit!"

"Yeah, you can say that again!" I chuckled, trying to find the humor to laugh at the situation even if all I really felt was disappointment.

Bella bit her lip, the disappointment in her big, brown eyes matching mine."So what are we going to do now?"

I shrugged. "The same thing we've been planning all along? I'll still fly out to New York, tell her where she can stick her sodding job and start living the rest of my life."

"Edward!" Bella gasped, her hands muffling her voice as she clasped them in front of her mouth. "You don't seriously think-"

"I do," I replied, hoping the finality in my voice would make her see just how much I meant what I said. "I've already made up my mind."

"But it's your _career_ on the line here!" Bella cried. "Your _life_! I can't ask you to give that up, Edward. Least of all for me!"

"I don't fucking care, Bella!" I groaned exasperatedly. "Don't you see, sweetheart? For years I wandered around in the darkness, content to live and empty life because I thought that was as good as it was going to get…and then you came in and made me see just how much I was selling myself short by doing that. You're everything to me…" I sucked in a short breath, forcing my eyes to remain locked with hers. "_You_ are my life now…and there's no way I'll ever go back to living without you."

"But your art…" Bella muttered, though I could hear by the tone of her voice that I was slowly starting to wear her down.

"As long as I have you, the rest doesn't matter. Jane may be able to stop me from selling my pictures but she can't ever stop me from taking them," I answered, knowing it was the truth only when I spoke it out loud. "If it means being with you, I'm more than happy to get my money from someplace else as long as I can still take some pictures for fun."

She bit her lip, the corners of her mouth slowly pulling up again as she let my words sink in. "As long as you're absolutely sure about it-"

"I am," I interrupted her.

She smiled, the first true, heartwarming smile I'd seen that day. "Then I'd better get used to having you around, huh?"

"You'd better!" I grinned, sitting back triumphantly. "Because I plan to be around for a long, long time."

**oOo**

Mum and Bea arrived early the next morning for a weekend in Barcelona while dad stayed behind to tend to the sick and needy of London.

"Look at you" mom gushed proudly, though it didn't escape my notice how she tried to stealthily pinch my waist to see if I'd lost weight or gained sores or whatever it was she was doing. "You look so good."

"Euh….thanks?" I fumbled, glad for the anonymity of their swanky five star hotel. If this had been taking place around my neck of the woods, there was no way Carmen or Eleazar would have let me live it down.

"Carmen and Eleazar have been taking good care of you?" mum fished.

I nodded, cramming my hands into my pockets. "Yeah, they're great."

"And the rest?" There was a look of cautious hope in mum's eyes.

I chuckled, knowing we could play this game and skirt around the edges for hours….but then again, what was the point really? "Just ask, mum."

"Very well," mum shrugged, smiling back at me. "Have you heard anything from Bella?"

"I have." I snorted when mum and Bea both looked as if they might break into a happy dance. "In fact…I'm just back from a quick dash across the pond to attend her cousin's wedding."

"A wedding?" mum gasped and for a moment I thought she might be having some kind of seizure. "She's letting you be her 'plus one'? That's great, Edward!"

_Why did I suddenly get the feeling she was already picking out China patterns and planning my wedding in her head?_ "It's still early days, though," I quickly slowed her down. "Though I might be moving to New York soon…you know…to close the gap?"

"Of course!' mum shrugged it all always as if it was the most natural thing in the world for a mother to hear her son announce his plans to move thousands of miles away from her. "Do you know when?"

I scratched the back of my head. _Well, this wasn't going anyway like I'd expected it_. "I….erm…I'm not sure."

"But soon, right?" mum insisted.

"Bloody hell!" I gasped. "Are you in such a big hurry to get rid of me?"

"Of course!" Bea chimed in jokingly. "It'll be the day when we've seen the last of that ugly mug of yours!"

"Shut up, Bea!" I growled, pushing her slightly left of our circle.

"Children!" mum chided before turning her attention back on me. "I just want you to be happy, son, and being with Bella…it makes you happier than I've seen you in years."

"I….er…." I smiled, wishing more than anything my mum wasn't so anti-smoking. "Yeah, she makes me happy."

"Then I'm happy for you, Edward," mum smiled, pulling me into a hug, "even though I'm going to miss you terribly."

"Oh!" We both looked up when Bea blushed violently, her eyes shining as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and scampered off, her fingers fluttering over the keyboard.

"What's that all about?" I frowned, wondering why Bea was so chipper all of a sudden.

Mum grinned. "Probably her boyfriend. They've been joined at the hip ever since they got together and he's been texting her all day. Poor lad….I think he's going through withdrawals."

"What? You're letting her _date_?" I fumed.

Mum merely snickered, choosing the coward's way out while Bea, newly returned from texting the little creep, stood fuming next to her. "Of course she does, you silly wanker! What did you think? That she was going to lock me up in the basement with an embroidery kit and a bunch of cats to prepare myself for spinsterhood?"

"It would have been the sensible thing to do, yes," I growled back, still trying to get the horrible image of some young punk with his hand up my sister's shirt out of my mind. _Now I could see why Charlie Swan acted the way he did…Was it too late now to sign dad and myself up for lessons in 'scare tactics'?_

"I don't believe you!" Bea scowled, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I'd think you of all people would want me to be happy!"

"I do!" I quipped. "But not if it means having some spotty little whippersnapper try to feel you up in the back row of Odeon bloody Theater!"

My cheeks started to sting with the heat of her blow even before I realized that she'd slapped me. _What was it with women doing that lately?_ "What the fuck, Bea?" I yelled, rubbing the sore spot.

"You had that coming you sodding idiot!" she growled back. "Where the hell do you get off thinking I'd let some guy feel me up like a bloody back alley slapper? And for you information: Darren Stone doesn't have a single blemish to mar his face. In fact: he's bloody perfect. Unlike you, you ugly ginger mutt!"

"You-"I started, Bea's old and time-honored line of defense still causing the same reaction.

"Edward! Beatrice!"Mum chose that moment to wisely step in, probably figuring that for all the entertainment value our fight offered, we were getting precariously close to a bloody slap-fight. As we had been, many times before. "You both know better than to stand here yelling at each other like a pair of fishwives!"

We both sighed, sending one last glare at the other before turning towards her.

"Well?" she demanded, looking quite similar to how Bea had looked just before with her hands crossed in front of her chest and her eyes narrowed at her rambunctious brood.

"Sorry mother," I sighed, hearing Bea mumble something similar next to me.

"Good," mum nodded sternly, "now apologize to each other."

"You've got to be kidding me!" Bea hissed, her narrowed eyes cringing as mum started tapping her feet impatiently. "I'm sorry for slapping you because you were a total pain."

I rolled my eyes, knowing that was probably about as much of an apology as I was going to get. "And I'm sorry for assuming you were acting like a nymphomaneuous little scrubber."

"God only knows what I've ever done wrong to deserve two of the most obstinate children in the world!" Mum sighed dramatically, raising her eyes to the heavens as she pulled the strap of her purse back up her shoulders. "Now let's go see some sights before it's too late…or before one of you triggers another fight."

We both grinned, following after her as she set off in a brisk pace, knowing it was only a matter of time before that happened.

As we walked, mum hooked her arm through mine, her eyes following my sister as she walked a few feet in front of us. "I knew you and Bella would patch up things sooner or later."

I looked up, a little surprised by her statement. "Huh?"

"Call it a mother's intuition or clairvoyance but I just knew it," she shrugged. "When Carlisle came back from Florence last year, he told me he couldn't believe how much you'd changed. He thought it was just the influence of time and experience but I had a feeling it might be something else." Her eyes were dancing with mischief as her grip on my arm tightened. "And then, of course, Bea came home one day, filled with stories about this amazing girl she'd met and how you were looking at her like she was your sole reason for being."

"Bea said that?" I arched my brow, giving mum my most skeptical look.

"She might not have used those words exactly," mum backpedaled, "but it was as clear as day to me that this girl – _Bella_ – was different."

"And then I went and fucked it all up," I sighed, feeling once again the full failure of my decisions. "Like I always do."

"What happened with Vicky was unfortunate and I think we will all bear the pain of our personal regrets for as long as we live, but Edward…you can't keep living in the past." She stopped, her free hand pressing on my shoulder as she forced me to look her square in the eye. "Bella is different, you know that. What the two of you have is special and even when you came to London, thinking it was all over, I knew the two of you would somehow end up back together." She chuckled, looking rather pleased with herself now that time had proven her right. "You just needed a little time to come back to your senses and get into the fighting spirit."

"You should set up a booth at the carnival, mum!" I joked, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "You could earn some serious cash!"

"I might," she mused, "since I figure I'm going to need it, you know? For visiting my son all the way in new York?"

"We're going to New York?" Bea's eyes were huge and bursting with eager anticipation as she appeared from out of nowhere. "Sweet!"

"Who said anything about you tagging along?" Mum joked, winking at me as we started to move again. "I think I may want to spend some quality one-on-one time with my future daughter in law."

I smiled, the idea of mum referring to Bella as my future wife not scaring me nearly as much as it would have a few months ago. In fact, it sounded pretty damn good to me.

**oOo**

The next couple of days, mum, Bea and I explored Barcelona; taking in the sights and enjoying the food, atmosphere and liveliness of the town. It was great…..kind of like the old days, before Vicky and art school had driven the three of us further and further apart. But at the same time, it was also the end of something.

All three of us knew that, with my impending move to New York and Bea starting college soon, it would probably be some time before we saw each other again and it made all of us extra determined to make every second count.

And we did.

When we said our goodbyes again, late Sunday night, as I brought them back to Reus International Airport, all three of us knew that we were in the best place we could be and that this time, o amount of distance was every going to get between us again. We were _family_. No amount of distance or time could ever come between that.

But even so, I was glad to close the door to my room behind me again, knowing that for the next couple of days it was just going to be me and maybe a few minutes chatting with Carmen and Eleazar here and there.

Boy was I mistaken!

That same night, sometime after Carmen had left for the _tablao_ and Eleazar had gone out to meet a few of his mates, I was pulled savagely away from a particularly nice dream I was having by the incessant ringing of the doorbell.

"Hold your bloody gorses!' I grumbled, trudging my tired ass to the door and fumbling with the lock.

"You _fucker_!" I recognized Alice only seconds before her fist connected with the side of my face, my nose throbbing as I reeled from the blow. _Wait….what the fuck? Wasn't she supposed to be on her honeymoon or something? Or at least back in New York with Bella? What the hell was she doing here?_

"Owch!" I groaned. "What is it with you women slapping me?"

"Ooh, I don't know?" Alice spat back sarcastically. "It must have been something you did like…say, leave my best friend and cousin stranded in a strange town?"

"We talked that out, Bella and I," I grumbled. "She forgave me."

"Well, I haven't!" Alice snickered. "In fact, if it had been up to me, I'd have had your balls on my mantelpiece instead of your stupid ass back in my cousin's bed but then again….Bella's side of the family always was the crazier one."

_That's not what Bella told me._ I barely resisted the urge to snort, knowing it would only get me slapped again.

"Anyway," she shrugged, waving her hands dismissively, "I'm not here to do bodily harm or even to lecture you about all of the messed up shit you put my girl through. I'm here on business."

I arched my brow. "Business?"

"Bella told me your little plan has hit a snag," Alice explained, shrugging her shoulders as if it was a small matter even though her eyes told me she was on to something. "And even though it pains me to be the instrument that get you and Bella back together, I think I may have the answer to your little problem."

"You do?" For a few seconds I stared at her, trying to figure out what she was saying as she gaze back at me calmly, obviously enjoying her power over me.

"U-huh," she finally nodded, leaning in conspiratorially. "How would you feel about giving Jane a taste of her own medicine?"

* * *

_**Thoughts?**_

_**As always, reviewers get teased.**_


	35. The City that Never Sleeps pt8

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

_**Jadsmama deserves my undying love and gratitude for putting up with my wonky words and making them pretty. Love ya!**_

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**Chapter 32 – The City that Never Sleeps**

_**Where I got what I never knew I was looking for….and so much more. **_

I smiled, leaning back against the door as I ran my hands over my tired face. _What a weekend!_

When the call had come, Friday afternoon, telling me my little baby niece was ready to come into this world, I'd never had a single doubt or moment of hesitation. I had to be there. I had to meet her.

So I did.

Lucky for me, there'd still been a few seats left on the six-thirty flight out of JFK and with the frequent flyer miles I'd been racking up and my newly developed packing skills, I managed to get to Forks that same night, one of my dad's colleagues from the force picking me up and dropping me off at the hospital when I arrived, just in time to meet Daisy Makenna Swan.

Yep. _Makenna_. Apparently it was a name that ran in Emily's part-Native-American family and she and Sam had chosen it as their little girl's middle name to honor a long line of strong female relatives. Still, the look on dad's face when he heard the name...It was simply priceless.

As soon as he saw the little bug, though, he fell in love with her, just as we all did. Because she rocked. Hardcore.

Seeing my big brother all but glow with pride as he presented his baby girl to our family was was the best thing in the world and in that moment I was so proud of him and Emily for defying popular opinion and choosing _love_. I mean, it had brought them the best things in the world: love, happiness and the most beautiful little person I'd ever set eyes on.

Not that I was biased or anything.

Seeing them together; the picture of a happily ever after, I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if that had been me. Edward and I, cradling a little bundle of joy, a life we had created. Somehow the thought of it turned my insides into mush even though the more rational side of me knew that we were still a long way away from that. Hell, we weren't even living in the same country yet, though if Edward was to be believed that was about to change.

I smiled, letting my purse drop to the floor as memories flooded my brain. It had been hard, prying myself away from little Daisy and the rest of the family earlier that day but with a meeting with Jane scheduled for early Monday morning and two articles to put the finishing touches to, I knew I had to.

The ringing of my phone in my hastily discarded purse pulled me out of my thoughts, my smile falling when the name on the display was not the name I hoped to see.

"Hey," I spoke, crossing the apartment as I talked to dump my bag on top of my bed.

"You sound disappointed," Jake snickered, his cheerful voice already lifting my somewhat dour spirits. "I'm hurt."

"Sorry," I chuckled apologetically. "I thought it might be someone else."

"So, lover boy is being negligent in his attentions to you?" Jake fished, before jokingly adding, "The rat bastard!"

"Nah," I shrugged, flopping down on the bed next to my bag. "He's just busy, you know?" He was. With his plans slowly starting to take shape, Edward had a lot of things to wrap up in Europe before he could make his way across the Atlantic and knowing it would probably be some time before he'd have a steady income again, he wanted to sell as much of his stuff as he could so that the money he made could tie him over until he found something new. It was a good, sensible plan but I hated that it meant he had less time to spend with me on our webcam.

"Do I ever!" Jake groaned. "Between Jane breathing down my neck like a rabid hyena and that hot man hunk of a colleague of yours I can barely find the time to breathe!"

"Yet somehow you still manage to call little old me!" I teased.

"Of course!" he stated, matter-of-factly. "With little miss Alleycat out of town and the divine Miss H all loved up, someone has to make sure you're not lying dead and half eaten by German shepherd dogs somewhere in your apartment."

"I don't even own a dog, Jake, so I suppose the risk of that ever happening is rather small!" I laughed. "Seriously Jake? You really have to stop watching those Bridget Jones movies."

"Anyway….you have to get out more," Jake pushed on. "Me and Riles are going to check out this fabulous place that just opened in The Village later on. You should totally tag along!"

"Thanks but no thanks!" I smirked. "I have a lot of pre-work to do before my meeting with Jane tomorrow so even if I did feel like checking out a gay bar, I still wouldn't be able to come." Besides, the prospect of being a third wheel on what was obviously a date didn't feel all that appealing to me.

"Aww, Bells. Come on!" I could almost see his pout through the line. "It will be fun. The divine Miss H and that delicious piece of arm candy of hers are coming too. It'll be like our last hurrah before we'll all be too busy with our careers and getting laid to bother about our friends."

"Well, if you put it like that…" I grinned, holding the phone a little further from my ear when Jake squealed loudly on the other end. "I'll see you in a few?"

He quickly rattled off the address and told me to meet them there in an hour, leaving me just enough time to quickly change out of my traveling clothes and into a little black dress before hopping into a cab to Greenwich Village before Jake would call in the cavalry to collect me. Because he definitely would.

**oOo**

"Look at you!" I was almost afraid he would make me do that thing where you spin around and have everyone gawp at you as Jake's arms closed around me while we kissed the air next to each other's faces. "Ally really did manage to work her magic on you!"

"I beg your pardon!" I huffed in mock outrage. "This was all me!"

"Yeah, right!" Rose snorted, her brow arched as her discerning stare traveled along my body. "You may have been the one to put the end result together but let's face it, buttercup: neither that dress nor those shouls would ever have come within a five mile radius of you and those pretty long legs of yours if it wasn't for Alice and her pushy ways."

I smirked. "You might be right about that." Ever since I'd finally caved and let Alice have free (or better said: _freer_) range over my wardrobe, I'd found that as long as I didn't stop and wonder what all of my new pretty dresses, shoes and purses cost and how I was basically living on Jane's hand-me-downs, I was starting to rather enjoy wearing the type of clothes I wouldn't have gone within a mile radius off a couple of months ago.

They made me feel more confident, more feminine. I liked it. And judging from the looks my new and improved me was getting, so did everyone else.

It took a little getting used to, the whole 'men staring at you like you're actually worth a second look'. Back in Forks, the only reason people had for looking at me was because I had snot hanging from my nose or because I'd accidentally bumped into them. Three years in The Big Apple hadn't really changed all that much in that area. I wasn't the type of girl who liked 'putting herself out there' in whatever which way possible.

But I'd changed.

I'd grown.

_Finally_.

Standing on that mountain in Rio, backed by Christ the Redeemer and with my eye on the horizon, I vowed to no longer let anyone or anything hold me back. I was a woman of the twenty-first century, dammit, and no Mike, Jane or even Charlie was going to stand in my way of getting what I wanted out of life.

I may not have been quite sure about what that was – and I still wasn't, to be honest – but I knew that if I was going to stand by the sideline and let other's decide what I wanted for me, I was never going to get it.

Of course reality was ever so slightly more complex meaning that where the voice of Mike ("you're not good enough") or dad ("are you sure you're not going to end up dead in a ditch somewhere?") were easily shushed, Jane's was a little harder to get rid of…most of all because my future depended on her good opinion of me. _Literally. _

"You look like someone just sucked all the happy out of you!" Emmett chuckled, putting a fresh pint of beer in front of me. "What the heck were you thinking about, woman, to put that look on your face?"

"If you really want to know…" I sighed, taking a big sip from my glass. "I was thinking about Jane."

"What on earth for?" From the look on Emmett's face you'd think I'd just announced a secret desire to bone Marilyn Manson.

I shrugged. "Got a meeting first thing tomorrow."

"Then you're going to need more of those!" he smirked, pointing at my beer.

I snorted, raising my glass to him "A-men!"

"Seriously, Bella," Rose grimaced, looking at our beers in disgust as she daintily nipped from her dry white wine. "I don't understand how a girl like you could drink that disgusting stuff!"

"It's easy," I shrugged. "Growing up in Forks it's much easier to get your hands on an illegal can of beer than it is sneaking a bottle of wine out of the house without anyone noticing. Besides…it's cheaper, not that your privileged, Upper-West-Side ass would know!"

"My, Miss Swan, is that your bitchy side showing?" Riley cooed, looking rather proud. "I never thought you had it in you, girl!"

"She'd do a lot better if she still wasn't so afraid of hurting anyone's feelings!" Rose remarked. "But I have to admit that she's come leaps and bounds."

"Now if only she'd use it against Jane!" Jake chimed in.

"Practice what you preach, painter boy!" Rose sneered. "I didn't see you dishing it out to Jane when she was burning down your new show."

Jake's eyes narrowed as he glared at her. "Says the girl who gets paid to let Jane walk all over her whenever she fucking chooses!"

"See Bella?" Riley grinned, nudging me in the side. "That's how it's done."

"Jeez guys!" I grumbled, stepping in before they'd bring out the scorecards and judge me like I'd just been on Dancing with the Stars doing a so-so foxtrot. "When did this turn into pick-on-Bella-night? I thought this was going to be a relaxing night on the town!"

They all had the good grace to look at least a little guilty, their grumbled remarks muffled by their glasses as a waiter brought around another round of drinks.

"So…" Emmett broke the ice. "Jane, huh?"

"Yeah." My face turned into a sour, tense line. "I wonder what she wants me to change this time." Over the last few weeks, nothing I came up with could stand her scrutiny; my articles being too long, too short, too bland, too outspoken or simply 'not good enough'.

"And still you haven't taken Aro up on his offer," Jake spoke, shaking his head. "Really, Bella, I'm beginning to wonder of there isn't a twisted masochist lurking under that cutesy face of yours!"

I shrugged, picking a non-existent piece of fluff from my little black dress. "It's better to stick with the devil you know…."

"But _Jane_." Emmett made a face as he spoke her name. "Sure, she's the devil you know but Aro can't be that much worse. I don't think _anyone_ can be that much worse."

"I don't know," I admitted. "I mean…I really can't see myself working for the guy. He gives me the heebie-jeebies!"

"Yeah, he has that effect on people," Riley, chuckled. "But if you took him up on his offer, you wouldn't be dealing with him nearly as much as you will be with Jane if you stick with the magazine."

I sighed, nervously pursing my lips as I trailed my index finger along the edge of the glass. "I don't know…."

"Don't know what?" Rose pushed.

"I don't know if I can do it," I explained with yet another shrug of my shoulders. "And I don't know if I even want to."

"You don't know?" Emmett frowned. "Why the fuck not? If it were me, I'd jump at every chance to get out from underneath Jane's rule I get. Hell, I _did_!"

I sighed. "It's one thing to be away from home for a week or so and writing a small article about it but a whole book? I'd be away for months and with all the research and writing…" I sighed, shaking my head. "I know I promised myself to be more daring and not let my fear of 'what ifs' get in the way of life but this…it feels like jumping into the deep end without even bothering to learn how to swim!"

Jake nodded, listening to my words. "Did you discuss this with lover boy?"

The look on my face told him more than a thousand words could ever do, his brows arching into a meaningful look as he added. "With everything that's behind you, don't you think you should?"

I shrugged. "I didn't think it was a big deal….not when I don't actually want to do it."

"Yeah, but put yourself in his shoes, Bella," Emmett chimed in. "How do you think the guy will feel when he finds out by accident?"

I smirked, guilt creeping up on me with a vengeance. _Probably much like I did in Berlin._

"You have to tell him before he gets here," Rose nodded, agreeing with her man. "It wouldn't be fair if you didn't."

I nodded guiltily. "You guys are probably right." I'd been a fool for never really thinking about it. The whole thing had only been really set into motion after we broke up, with Aro accosting me at the charity ball and after that…it just never came up and with all of the other stuff going on…Aro had been the very least of my issues.

"How long will it be until he gets here anyway?" Riley wanted to know. "Didn't you say he was going to do one more job in Europe before heading out here?"

I nodded. "It was the only job that had already been fixed. After that, he's free to go. Well, as far as he's concerned that is." I had a feeling Jane might have had a completely different idea about that but hey…what Jane didn't know, couldn't hurt her. Or us.

"Are you excited to have him close?" Emmett asked, flagging down a waiter for some refills.

"Yeah." I smiled, the thought of being able to see him whenever I wanted instead of once or twice a month filling me with hope and warmth. "I can't wait for the day when we won't be living against the clock anymore. There's part of me that still can't believe it's really happening...that he's really going to be in New York and that we can be together..like a _real_ couple. But I have to admit: it also scares the shit out of me."

"I can imagine!" Jake snorted. "Having him all up in your business will take some getting used to. Until now you've always had that safety of distance between you for most of the month, which means that you could save your best behavior for when you were together. So, is he going to move in straight away or will you be keeping up the pretense of living apart?"

"We'll be doing a whole lot more than just 'keep up the pretense of appearances sake'," I chuckled. "I already have a roommate, remember?"

Jake looked puzzled. "But I thought that with the little pixie cat getting married you'd be looking for a new roomie?"

"She's going to stay at the apartment at least while Jasper's out in Europe with the NYC Ballet," I explained. "We'll see what happens after that."

Riley sat back, grinning knowingly as he put his arm around his boyfriend. "I have a feeling that by that time, a certain pretty Brit photographer will be chomping at the bits to fill in as your new roomie!"

I grinned back, raising my fresh pint of beer at him in salute. "God, I really hope so!"

Because as scary as the prospect of it all was, I couldn't wait for it to play out. Lazy Sunday mornings spent holed up in our apartment reading and just hanging out, Saturday night on the town not just with the people who were with me right then but with Edward, stealing kisses and sneaking in stealthy touches under the table whenever he had the opportunity, waking up every morning with him by my side, knowing that come nightfall he would still be right there, beside me….I couldn't wait for that to happen.

For the rest of the night, my mind was trapped in happy imaginings as I drank and danced and talked with my friends, making it back home only right on time to catch a few hours of sleep and straighten myself out for my meeting with Jane, early in the morning.

**oOo**

"Come in."

Sometimes I wondered why, after almost four years and countless of visits to this office, the voice of Jane ordering me to enter still had that same effect on me that it had the first time I stepped foot inside it: blind, unadulterated fear.

But then I remembered why: because the woman occupying this beautiful, light-filled corner office was a complete and utter bitch.

"Y-you wanted to see me?" I asked, pussyfooting inside.

"You wouldn't be here if I didn't." Jane pursed her lips, silently letting me know what she thought of my question. "Sit down."

I did as she told me, meekly sliding into one of the club chairs opposite her desk, my mind still completely boggled with dread, over what was to come, and confusion caused by a very cryptic text message I'd had from Edward earlier this morning.

_Keep an open mind._ It had said. No name, no explanation….nothing that would even give me a clue what I was supposed to keep my mind open for.

Did he know what my meeting with Jane was about? Somehow I doubted it. Jane was never the one to play open card with anyone, least of all one of her 'minions'. Besides, I had the feeling that Edward was as much in the doghouse as I was right now.

Apparently Jane's thoughts had taken a stroll in the same direction because, as she opened her mouth, Edward's name was one of the first words falling from it. "I had the most unpleasant conversation the other day with Edward Cullen." Her small, beady eyes scrutinized my every move like a predator honing in on its hapless prey.

I swallowed difficultly, the great big lump sprouting up in my throat making it very hard to appear unaffected. "D-did you?"

"Hmm," she nodded, sitting up straight in her high-backed leather office chair. "It seems he is growing tired of Europe and wants to move to New York."

"D-does he?" I stammered, feeling more and more uncomfortable under her stare.

"I'm not stupid, Miss Swan, even though apparently you seem to think I am!" Her voice picked up a hard edge as she rested her elbows on her desk, her head resting on her folded hands. "I know who the inspiration behind this sudden urge to expand his horizons is and if _I_ know then _you_ surely cannot be in the dark!"

I let out a deep breath, pulling my shoulders back in a vain attempt to build up some confidence. "Okay….yeah….I'm the inspiration behind his move. He's moving here to be with me. It's the only way we can make our relationship work." I wasn't sure why I was telling her that but in my mind, it seemed a good thing to do, maybe appeal to her kinder nature (if she had one) by explaining how much of my happiness was riding on Edward's move.

It was no use, though, her eyes cold as she snapped her reply at me. "Uninspired him."

"What?" I let out an incredulous laugh, my mouth falling open when I met her dead-serious stare. "You can't seriously ask me to-"

"I'm not asking," she interrupted me. "I'm _telling_."

"You…._what_?"

Her eyes hardened as she realized I wasn't going to budge so easily. "I warned you – more than once even – that if you ever messed with my magazine, there would be only one possible outcome," her voice was low and measures as she spoke, never twitching a nerve in her face. "If you want to remain employed, you will make sure your boyfriend stays where he is."

"You can't fire me because of that!" I cried, completely outraged. The fact that she could just stand there and demand for me to go against my happiness made me see red with anger.

"Maybe not," she shrugged, seeming more amused than disconcerted, "but I'm sure that if I dig deep enough, I'll be able to find something that will hold up in court. The choice is yours."

"It's already been made," I spat, getting up from my chair, "but thanks for making it easier for me to go through with it. You'll find my resignation on your desk first thing tomorrow."

I didn't wait for her to come back with a snide reply or dismiss me as she had done so many times before, Instead I marched out of her office, riding on the wave of anger and indignation that had just caused me to quit my job.

_Oh dear. _

Rose looked up, confusion flashing across her face as she watched me march out of Jane's office. "Bella, wha…"

"Miss Hale. My office. _Now_!" Jane's thunderous voice barked.

"Later," I whispered, the enormity of what I'd just done only now starting to hit home with me.

I'd just quit my job.

My job: the place that had kept me busy for the past three – almost four – years and that had prevented me from fighting the homeless for a prime spot under a bridge somewhere.

The thing was, though, that the dominant feeling as I made my way back to my cubicle wasn't confusion or dread or even fear of losing my apartment and having to move back in with my mom and dad.

No…it was relief.

"Wow." I didn't realize I'd muttered the word out loud until Riley slid out of his cubicle on his office chair, his brows pulled up in confusion.

"From the looks of it, you just came from one of Jane's mindfuck-sessions," he grinned, sticking his pencil behind his ear. "How did it go?"

Charlotte's head peeked out from above the partition wall. "It looks like she at least made it out of there with all of her limbs attached to her body so it can't have been that bad."

I snorted, only adding to their confusion. _If only they knew…_

"Swanny?" Riley rolled closer.

"Well," I grinned stupidly, "Let's just say that Jane just made the choice between her and Aro a whole lot easier."

Charlotte's eyes grew to twice their size. "She fired you?"

"Nope." I shook my head. "I quit."

"Way to go, Swanny!" Riley cheered. "Oh, what I wouldn't have given to be a fly on the wall for that conversation!"

I sighed, throwing my seemingly boneless body into my soon-to-be-ex-office-chair. "I'm glad my misery at least offers you some form of entertainment," I groaned, trying to rub the onset of a killer migraine from my temples. "Any suggestions about how to proceed?"

"Go up," Charlotte immediately suggested. "See if Aro's free to see you right now."

Riley nodded. "It would be so much better if you could get to see him before he hears from Jane."

"Oh and if I were you, I'd clear my desk before I went up," Charlotte added, "because if Jane finds out what you're up to…" A further explanation wasn't needed, all three of us perfectly able to come up with a scenario ourselves.

"Smart thinking," I nodded, immediately setting to the task of clearing my stuff out of my drawers before Jane could send someone from security to 'assist' me, meanwhile thanking my lucky stars for the fact that I always kept backups from everything I'd written for my travel section on my laptop at home.

My nerves grew as my bag got fuller, my mind going over a million possible scenarios of what I was going to say when I went up to me Aro. That was, if he was even in residence at the moment.

How would he react? I'd never even given that much thought to his offer to even stop and wonder if it had been made out of an earnest belief that a Bella Swan book deal could be profitable or just to thwart his stepdaughters plans. Would he even want me now that…

The ringing of my phone – the landline, not my mobile – pulled me out of my thoughts, my eyes mimicking those of a rabbit caught in the headlights of a monster truck when it was Aro Volturi's assistant asking me if I was free to meet her boss.

As in: right at that moment.

"I'll be up in a minute," I managed to squeak before hanging up, muttering a quick explanation to Riley and Charlotte before taking my overstuffed bag and meeting my doom.

Yeah….melodrama had always been my strong suit.

Reaching the top floor – a floor decorated much more opulently that Epicenters somewhat Spartan décor - I was immediately shown into the Big Chief's office, where 'his creepiness' welcomed me with a warm (or what was supposed to pass for it) smile and a firm handshake that send chills along my spine.

"Miss Swan, I'm so happy you could come to see me on such short notice." Aro slithered through the room, indicating an easy chair in the 'cozy corner' of his office and taking his seat across from it.

"I was…erm….honored to be invited," I stammered, trying desperately to find out if he knew about my most recent encounter with his stepdaughter.

"I realize that you're probably busy fulfilling your engagement to my…to Jane and her magazine," he started, the disdain in his voice leaving me in no uncertainty of what he thought of Epicenter and its editor-in-chief…and that he didn't know about the most recent turn of events yet, "but when mister Cullen contacted me the other day I knew I had to move fast if I wanted to outmaneuver my stepdaughter."

I frowned, my mind trying desperately to catch up and make sense of what was going on. "Mister Cullen?" Hs announcement completely threw me for a loop. Where I'd expected Jane's name to come up and had spent most of my elevator ride up trying to come up with a suitable way to explain my situation, I'd never in a million years expected this.

_How could Edward be involved in all of this?_ As far as I knew, he and Aro had never met or even heard of each other's existence. _But then why did Aro just speak his name?_

"This is too good an opportunity to pass up on," he went on, apparently thinking I was in 'the know', "even if it will probably cause quite a ruckus in my family." He chuckled, his eyes briefly flittering to a family picture on his desk. "I'm sure Jane will resign herself to this new situation eventually, though. Don't worry."

He looked at me expectantly, probably waiting for some kind of acknowledgement when in reality, all I could offer was confusion. "You…you spoke with Edward?"

"Yes?" Aro seemed genuinely baffled by my ignorance. "He contacted me yesterday. I assumed that given the…personal connection between the two of you that you knew all about his plans."

I shook my head, my mind spinning so fast with all the strange things that had been happening over the last few hours that it couldn't even decide what to think of all of this. "This is all new to me."

"Ah," Aro nodded as understanding dawned on his face. "Well, my dear, then let me start by living you a full explanation…." He crossed the space of his office in a few long strides, placing a phone call to his assistant to cancel all of his meetings like it was nothing – like I wasn't probably costing him more money in one afternoon than I would ever make in my entire life – before joining me again, his eyes having taken on a mischievous look of conspiracy as he took a seat next to me. "As I was saying, it all started with a phone call…"

As he went on to explain what had been going on and how his original plans to offer me a book series had now been ameliorated to include Edward as my regular photographer and writing partner, I fell from one surprise into the next. And when he finished I just sat there, gawping at him like a fish on dry land while my mind was franticly scrambling to put two and two together and come up with something faintly resembling the number 'four'. _I guess this means that Edward had somehow found out about the book deal Aro had offered me…..but how? And had he been angry or disappointed that I'd kept it from him?_

"So you see, Miss Swan," Aro concluded, looking more smug than ever as he neared the end of his sales pitch, "you and Mister Cullen will be in excellent care within the Volturi Family and I hope that – should you choose to sign with us – this will be the start of a long and fruitful collaboration, both on a personal and professional level." His knowing wink made me feel both nauseous and ecstatically happy. The possibilities of this opportunity he was now presenting me with…they were everything I could have dreamt of but never thought I'd have.

"It….it doesn't bother you?" I finally managed to speak. "You know, the fact that me and Edward are together?"

"Not in the slightest, my dear," Aro cried out, laughing as if I'd just said something funny. "In fact, coming from a PR point of view, things couldn't have been better! And should things ever go awry between the two of you – though let's hope that will never happen – we can always think of some solution that will make both of you happy."

"Oh." I bit my lip, still wondering whether to be insanely happy or remain safely on my guard. There was something about Aro's words that made them seem too good to be true. Something that made me feel like I'd be signing away my mortal soul to the devil if I went along with this.

"Think it over, Bella," Aro, probably picking up on my hesitation, spoke. "I took the liberty of having my legal team draw up a contract that details what we expect from you and what you, in turn, can expect from us."

I nodded, my hands closing around the huge, overstuffed manila folder he slid towards me. _Wow. This was really happening._

"There's no rush," he went on. "This is a big decision for you so we at Volturi Publishing will completely understand that you need to take some time to read through this information package and discuss it with your family and your lawyer. Just know that our doors are always open when you decide you want to do business with us."

I nodded, still feeling completely overwhelmed and apprehensive but also compelled to lay my own cards on the table. "First of all I'd like to say that I'm really grateful for the offer but I think I should tell you that Jane-"

Aro's hand waving my concerns away stopped me mid-sentence. "That is of no significance, my dear." _So apparently he did know but just didn't care. _

"But…." I started, "I thought the offer was to blend in with my work for Epicenter?"

"Initially, yes," he answered, "but that choice was made mainly to appease Jane. The fact that you're now free to focus on your work for us, is a bonus to me. I'm sure Jane will, in time, resign herself to the fact that she's only a small cog in a very big wheel."

"You mean," I sucked in a sharp breath. "We're still going ahead with the deal-"

"As proposed and brokered by Jane herself some months ago, yes." Aro's mirth at being able to one-up his stepdaughter was palpable. "Don't worry, though," he was quick to add. "I'll make sure that your dealings with her will be cut down to a bare minimum."

"Okay." My shoulders sagged in relief. At least I'd be spared more torture from Jane. "Good."

"Good!" Aro's eyes danced with glee as he clapped his hands. "Then I hope to see you soon, Isabella."

I nodded, swallowing around my discomfort as I somehow managed to conjure an at least partly genuine smile on my face. "Thank you, again. Your trust in my abilities…it means a lot to me. I hope I won't let you down." Because, seriously, as much as I needed some time to get my head sorted out, there was really no doubt in my mind that I was going to take this offer. I mean, it was everything I never knew I wanted but now that it was within reach…yah, I wanted it alright.

Aro smile, his pleasure at being able to one-up Jane as he dismissed me with a benevolent gesture of his hands should have worried me or even creeped me out a little.

But it didn't.

All it did was make me even more grateful for the fact that even the devil herself had a higher power to answer to. And that higher power seemed to be on _my_ side.

**oOo**

After my meeting I somehow managed to pick up the box of stuff I'd dropped off with security on my way upstairs and make it home….but how? My mind was a complete fog, still trying to wrap itself around the drastic change that had taken place in the few hours since I'd left my home earlier that morning.

I'd lost my old job, been offered a new one and found out that my boyfriend – the same boyfriend whom I'd thought to be oblivious of all developments on the job-front – had been detrimental in bringing all of this about. Who's mind wouldn't be spinning after that?

By the time I'd arrived back at the apartment and had taken some Tylenol against the headache, all that remained were the questions – and lots of them – and so knowing that no amount of staring at the wall was going to give me the answers to those questions, I fished in my bag to call the one person who could.

"Sweetheart." I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the wall as I let his voice wash over me. _So close yet so far away…._ "How did your meeting with Aro go?"

"Did you suddenly develop a new talent for clairvoyance?" I snorted. "Because if not, then I'd like to know how the hell you managed to pull all of this off!"

"Are you mad?" He asked, his voice hesitant and more than a little wary.

"I-I don't really know," I muttered. "I think it all depends on your explanation."

"Then I'd better do a good job at it, huh?" he chuckled. "So where do you want me to start?"

"Silly question! At the beginning?" I answered. "Or let's start at how you even knew about the book deal? I don't remember I ever told you about it, even though I probably should have."

"Alice told me," he explained, "and don't worry about it. With the way things have been going between us I can understand how this never came up….though I would have been nice to know."

"I know. And I'm sorry. I know I should have told you about it but I guess…it was just never a good time to bring it up." I cringed. _Yeah…I'd have some making up to do when he got here._ "Wait….Alice?"

"Yeah, the plan…it's all her." He laughed softly. "I wish I'd been the genius thinking all of this up but alas."

"Then why didn't she tell me?" I frowned, wondering why Alice could have kept all of this a secret from me. Why tell _him_ and not me?

"Don't get mad at her," Edward was quick to state. "She knows your acting skills aren't exactly legendary so she thought this whole thing would be easier to pull off if I was the one doing the legwork."

"Ah." I nodded, knowing the truth in his words even though I didn't like them one bit.

"There's a lot riding on this for her as well," Edward went on. "If Jane finds out that she played a part in all of this..."

"She'll lose her job," I finished.

"And probably the prospect of ever finding a new one in the fashion industry," Edward added.

"Probably, yeah, but I still don't understand how all of this came about. I mean, how did she even contact you?"

"She just showed up at my apartment one night," he told me. "I don't know how she got my address but suddenly there she was, threatening me with bodily harm if I ever hurt you again."

"Yeah, that sounds like her!" I grinned. "She must have dropped by in between saying goodbye to Jasper in London and joining Jane in scouting for new talent at the Milan Fashion Week."

"I don't know," Edward said, "but what I do know is that by the end of the night our plan was set and all I needed to do was contact Aro Volturi to put the game in motion."

"And you never thought to give me a little heads up?" I pouted. "I could have really used the knowledge of what the two of you had been cooking up behind my back when I went into my meeting with Jane this morning!" Jane who was now on her way to meet with Alice, completely unaware of the fact that her little pixie fashion editor had just pulled the rug out from underneath her. _Was it very wicked of me to really like the thought of that?_

"Sorry!" Edward chuckled apologetically. "I did send you a message, though."

"Ah, yes," I huffed. "Not that that did anything but add to my confusion. Seriously, Edward? 'Keep an open mind'? How the hell was I ever going to make sense of that?"

"Hey! It was all I could do!" he defended himself. "Alice made it perfectly clear what she'd do to me if I blew the whistle and frankly, she's kind of scary for someone so small!"

"Don't I know it!" I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at the thought of Alice cornering the much taller and more muscular Edward with her iron glare.

"The question is, though, what you're going to do now that all the card are on the table," he went on.

I sighed. "If you'd have asked me that yesterday, I would have told you there was no way I was every going to work for Aro." I smiled remembering my late-night conversation with my friends the other night. "But now…."

"Bella," I could hear him breathe out through the phone. "I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything. Not for me, not for Aro, not for Alice."

"But it's your career on the line as well," I argued.

"And I'll be perfectly able to find something else if you really feel so strongly against working for Aro," he countered. "All I want is for you to be happy."

"You make me happy," I muttered, "and working with you, It will make me _so_ happy….."

My words were interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. "Wait a minute….there's someone at the door." I walked over to the other side of the apartment, the phone balancing between my shoulder and my ear as I slid the locks away and opened the door to reveal my mystery guest.

His lips pulled into a smile, his eyes partly hidden by a few locks of reddish brown hair that had grown out of control. "Bella."

The only sound that followed his voice was the noise of my phone crashing to the floor as we stood there; me inside and he outside, hovering on the edge of something huge.

I gasped, my hand flying to my mouth when he was there, standing on my doorstep with a huge weekend bag hanging from his shoulder. "You…..you're here!"

"I'm here, sweetheart," he repeated my words, his green eyes searching mine with a love and honesty in them that made me sway on my feet. "I'm all in. I know this is a gamble and, hell, maybe it will go wrong in the end….but I'm willing to take the plunge. How about you?"

I didn't have to think for even a second, a small tear escaping from the corner of my eyes as I looked up at him, my voice thick with emotion as I spoke. "I'm in."

Because really….was there any other thing I could have said?

I knew that there were many difficult conversations in our future and that we were still a long way off from being what we had been, let alone what we could be…but in my heart I knew that there was only one road leading to happiness

It was him, it had always been him and it would always be him.

Forever.

His grin widened as he pulled me into a tight hug, his voice sounding like liquid sex as it purred in my ear. "Alice also told me not to worry about living arrangements since she planned on moving in with her husband anyway. She'll be by next week to pick up her stuff."

I squirmed out of his hold, wanting to see his face to know if he was simply relaying a message or if he really wanted this. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," he nodded, his face solemn and sincere. "It took thinking I'd lost you to finally see just what you mean to me but now that I have you again, I never want to let go. I-I don't want to be apart from you ever again, Bella."

I bit my lip, stealthily pinching myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming as I leaned against the door frame in a hopefully seductive manner even with tears running down my cheeks and my heart pounding so fiercely I was afraid it was going to burst with happiness. "Well, if that's the case, then…welcome home."

* * *

_**Thoughts?**_

_**Only the epi left. Reviewers will get a very small teaser for it. In the meantime, I've already posted the prologue for my next story which is called 'Any Way the Wind Blows'. It's very different from this one but I hope you'll give it a shot (if you haven't already). You can find the link on my profile page. **_

_**Happy holidays everyone. See you next Wednesday!**_


	36. Home

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**Epilogue – Home**

_**Where the heart is. **_

And so it began.

For the next five years Edward and I traveled the globe, thinking only about the success of our book series and the strange sensation of being recognized when we spent a few weeks in the States between our trips doing interviews or other promotional activities. For the most part we just celebrated the fact that we were together and got to spend our days seeing some of the most amazing places the world had on offer.

Watching the sunset behind the Tafelberg or looking at the world from the top of Ayers Rock on a beautiful afternoon, swimming with exotic fishes in the Caribbean or sleeping under the sky in the vast expanse of the Moroccan desert …there were so many experiences I would never forget. And they were all better be because _he_ was by my side.

Edward. My happily ever after.

Getting to know him through and through was the best experience of all and in those first five years, our bond grew and grew until neither of us was really sure where one began and the other ended. He was my everything as well as I was his, and I trusted him completely and blindly as we set out, discovering the world one country at a time.

But even compared to the beauty of Africa or Australia and all the things they had to offer, nothing quite trumped getting married at sundown on a staggeringly beautiful beach in India with no one but the priest and a pair of hastily called in witnesses from the local tourist office. It was perfect even if it took us one hell of a party and a lot of ass kissing for our family to forgive us for our elopements.

It was worth it, though. _So_ worth it.

But after five years our travels came to an abrupt end when I found out I was pregnant. It was unplanned and completely unexpected but nothing could have been greater than our happiness as we discovered the news. Fortunately, Aro kept to his promise of never frustrating our happiness, instead presenting me with the new and even more daunting challenge of writing my own book.

A novel, by Isabella Cullen. Who would have thought? Not me, that was for sure.

Still, with some gentle coaxing from Aro and my editor, I managed to somehow write a book, my amazement at actually being able to come up with an original storyline that 'worked' only eclipsed by the fact that, not only was it legible, it became a huge success. As did my next one.

However, my pride and growing confidence at finally feeling like a success in life meant nothing compared by the all-encompassing love and emotion I felt when, at the brink of dawn on a stormy Monday in November, the doctor placed our little girl into my arms, the look of pure adoration in Edward's eyes, visible only though my tears, reflecting my own.

We named her Sophia, after the mighty mosque in the city she was conceived in and she was the most precious souvenir we could have ever picked up along our travels.

Having Sophia in our lives meant a huge change for us, not because it wasn't just the two of us anymore but also because up until that point, Edward and I had led a very nomadic life together, staying only a few months in the same place before moving on.

I'd always thought that that kind of lifestyle wasn't for me; that I was too bourgeois to ever live a Bohemian lifestyle but in reality, it felt liberating to not have a big, fat anchor rooting you to just one spot. We didn't have a house or a mortgage or even much in the way of furniture we could call our own. We could just up and leave whenever we felt like it, discovering new places and new people and picking up more lessons on life and the world we lived in along the way than any type of formal education could ever have taught us.

Having a kid meant that we had to say goodbye to that lifestyle because Sophia needed stability in her young life to grow and learn and so we settled down in New York again, our friends welcoming us back with open arms. We all stuck to Brooklyn, buying houses as close to each other as we could find them and spending almost every night in the safe haven of our 'clan'; watching it grow as Alice and Jasper welcomed their first child into the world and Emmett and Rose adopted a precious little Chinese girl.

We still traveled a lot, though, which wasn't so surprising considering the distance between us and our families and the fact that Edward, now an established photo-artist, spent a lot of his time documenting both the staggering beauty and terrible ugliness of our world. We were also convinced that our little girl and the little boy that followed a few years after Sophia was born, would benefit from broadening their horizons and learning about the world they'd been born into from experience instead of school books.

So we spent their holidays traveling the globe, revisiting some of the most amazing places we'd come across over the years and seeing them anew through our children's eyes; the new impressions and discoveries we made along the way always providing me with inspiration for my next novel or for whatever I was working on at the time.

No, as much as I loved the little house we'd bought, it didn't matter to me where we lived, as long as they were by my side. Because if there was anything all my travels had taught me over the year it was this: home is where the heart is.

And my heart belonged to them.

_**The End. **_

* * *

_**Snif. **_

_**As I say goodbye to this story and these characters, I would like to take a minute to thank Jadsmama and The Real Teacher for all of the hard work they've put into this story and you, the amazing people who read it. I lack the words to convey how much your support means to me. **_

_**Starting next week, my new story Any Way the Wind Blows will take the place of this one. Until then, I am posting my FGB oneshot in daily chapters. You can find both on my profile. **_

_**Thank you.**_

_**Miss B. **_


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